


Renewal

by ilupant



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drugging, F/M, Infatuation, M/M, Mental Instability, Multiple Personalities, Obsession, Other, Past Abuse, Ray Assistant AU, Reader Is Not MC, Romance, Saeran being creepy, Slow Burn, Spoilers for everything, Stalking, Trigger Warnings, Unhealthy Relationships, cursing, general cult stuff, nonbinary reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:40:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 241,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24888514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilupant/pseuds/ilupant
Summary: You had lost everything. You were the perfect target: alone, vulnerable, and miserable, trying desperately to fill a void in your life. So when you made contact with ‘Unknown’ through a mysterious app installed on your phone, you abandoned common sense in lieu of safety and the company of another.Before you could comprehend the magnitude of your decision you found yourself trapped in a cult, stuck in the midst of a giant, dangerous scheme. With every passing day your involvement deepens, and the hand that keeps you stuck grips you a little bit tighter.(Another Story's Prologue Bad End)
Relationships: Choi Saeran/Main Character, Saeran Choi/Reader, Saeran Choi/You
Comments: 382
Kudos: 421





	1. You Really Should Have Known

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is an attempt to expand on Another Story's prologue bad end- the one where MC becomes Ray's assistant. I've read a bunch of amazing stories focused on MC as Unknown's assistant, but I feel like MC as Ray's assistant also has so much potential.
> 
> That being said, the reader is not MC! That doesn't really matter at this point in the story, but it will be important later on. I understand that this first chapter is basically just a retelling of the bad end directly from the game, but I felt it was a good opportunity to establish the groundwork for the reader's characterization, as I feel like most people would definitely not choose to meet a stalker the way that MC does in the game. I want this story to be somewhat realistic, so I tried to paint the reader's situation in a light that would at least allow for understanding as to why they chose to meet Ray. The next chapters will be my own take on the story, though, so please anticipate it if this first chapter intrigues you. That being said, this story will be rather dark. I know many writers choose to depict Ray in a very innocent light, which is totally fine, but I personally believe his character is very complex. He's very creepy during the common route and V's route, and I really hope to explore that here. The reader is also clearly suffering, and has been for a while now. It's that suffering that lands them in this situation.
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you think! I'd appreciate any feedback, and definitely Kudos if you think my story is deserving of it. I'm really looking forward to writing this! I have just about everything planned out in my head. I hope you guys, as the readers, can enjoy this alongside me.
> 
> Take care!

You had always considered yourself a fairly cautious person. You had to be, considering your situation. As a young person living alone in the city, you had learned to be aware of your surroundings and careful around strangers. Your rapidly decaying bank account, however, didn’t speak well for your immediate future, and you had long since started to worry.

Your already dingy apartment was becoming too much for you to afford, and you found yourself completely unable to find a job. What you thought had been a reasonable amount of caution around strangers was beginning to bite you in the ass, as you found you had absolutely nobody to rely on in this situation. Nobody to fall back on, nobody to ask for help.

When things first started to go downhill, you had been extremely anxious. What were you going to do? While sleeping on benches in parks was dangerous, that wasn’t the worst of your concerns. Eventually, you would run out of money for essentials, and the city didn’t take kindly to the homeless. The path that you were on seemed to be a one-way ticket to losing everything, and you were wholly unprepared.

You were completely alone, helpless to the cruel reality that the world was throwing upon you. 

As time went on, though, you found yourself facing a juxtaposition. Your situation became direr, but your anxiety decreased. What was once a feeling of constant breathlessness, panic attacks on the bathroom floor in the dark, and a hyper-awareness of time running out slowly became a dangerous apathy. Your long nights of panicking and dreading each upcoming minute turned into even longer nights of sitting on your shitty couch and staring at the chipping paint that covered your living room wall.

What was the point, anymore? You had done all you could.

Life was just continuing to beat you down, again and again and _again_. You couldn’t find it in you to wallow in despair; after all, you should have known. You should have expected this.

You were content to just waste away in the corner of your trashy apartment until you become one with the scummy shadows that surrounded you in the middle of the night.

Perhaps it was that apathy that brought you to this situation. Maybe if you had continued to panic, you would have had the sense to make smarter choices. Instead, you had allowed yourself to give up, thinking that you couldn’t fall any further. 

Really, you should have known.

* * *

For a broke person, you definitely still enjoyed buying coffee regularly.

Who could blame you, though? The coffee shop a few streets down had an atmosphere so serene and welcoming that it allowed you a few hours’ respites from your joke of a life. You enjoyed sitting and people watching, taking the first sip of your latte, and letting it scald your tongue ever so slightly. The walls were a comfortable beige, and the slightly darker wooden trim matched the chairs and round tables that filled the cafe. The windows were bright and big, and flowerpots with flowers of all colours lit up the atmosphere gently but effectively. Something about spending endless hours here was unbelievably calming to you.

The employees didn’t seem overjoyed to see you sitting in the same spot all day every day, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. 

You were just waiting to waste away, after all. You might as well enjoy these serene moments while you still could. And you would be damned if you didn’t take advantage of your waning days of having at least a little bit of money in your bank account. You had a decent sense of what would become of you afterward. The thought of being homeless and hungry was more than unpleasant, but your tired mind deemed it as inevitable, so you might as well forget about it until those days knocked on your door. 

It was during one of those days spent at the coffee shop that you found the strange app installed on your phone.

You set your cup down on the table, furrowing your eyebrows as you tried to remember downloading such a sketchy-looking app. The icon stared back at you, as if daring you to tap on it and start it up.

_What the fuck is this?_

Maybe you should have been a little more cautious. But again, the same thought ran through your mind. What did you really have to lose?

You tapped on the icon, and the app opened up to a black screen, allowing you to catch sight of your reflection. A text box appeared in the middle of the screen, prompting you to enter a username. You gave it a few seconds thought before simply entering ‘12345.’ You tapped the enter button, and the text disappeared, only to be replaced by a loading icon. It spun for a few seconds longer than you would have liked. Just as you began to wonder if the app had already bugged out, the screen changed suddenly to a dark blue background with lines of neon green text resembling some sort of coding. The flashing text flew up your screen so quickly that you were unable to make sense of any of it through your sudden surprise at the assault upon your eyes.

Eventually, the automated scrolling came to a stop, leaving the same blue background with green text, now still. On top of this, a message appeared.

  
  


Unknown has entered the chatroom. 

**Unknown:**

Hi!

  
  


You stared at the screen with a frown, mouth slightly agape at the sudden greeting. Was someone seriously trying to chat you up on an app that had been installed on your phone without your consent or knowledge?

  
  


**Unknown:**

Finally, someone to talk to, thank god…

  
  


You sat silently for a few more seconds, debating your next move internally. If you were smart at all, you mused, you would close the app and delete it from your phone without a second thought. Everything about this scenario was setting the stage for something extremely sketchy.

But, it seemed common sense had been lost to you for quite some time, as your fingers began tapping over your screen before you were consciously aware of what you were doing.

**12345:**

Hello.

**Unknown:**

Hi. Nice to meet you. ^^

**Unknown:**

I’ve been waiting for you.

**Unknown:**

Hope I didn’t surprise you.

**Unknown:**

Don’t be nervous. I’m just an 

“ordinary” person~

  
  


You cocked an eyebrow at the messages, which came flooding in at the speed of light. Not only did ‘Unknown’ seem to really enjoy sending a barrage of short messages instead of typing everything out normally, but their words were also textbook for an internet creep. You found yourself wondering if they were aware of the fishy light that they were painting themselves in, and whether or not they actually cared.

  
  


**12345:**

Why are you emphasizing the word

‘ordinary’...? It’s making me even

more nervous.

**Unknown:**

You’re funny lol

**Unknown:**

But I can’t really say I’m 

extraordinary when I’m

introducing myself.

**Unknown:**

Shouldn’t I be humble and modest?

**Unknown:**

In fact… I’m really excited.

**Unknown:**

Cuz the first person to come in is you!

**Unknown:**

I was so worried that no one will

come in as I was making this app.

  
  


You took another sip of your slowly cooling latte as Unknown continued to fill the chatroom with short messages in an even shorter amount of time. Your questions were only growing as the conversation continued, but this person seemed harmless, so you allowed yourself to continue responding.

**12345:** **  
** What’s this app for?

**Unknown:**

Oh, I was about to explain it to you.

**Unknown:**

But before that, can I ask a favor?

**Unknown:**

Though I know it’s too much to ask

from a stranger

**Unknown:**

there is something I really want you

to help me with.

  
  


You pressed your lips together slightly. There’s the kicker, you thought, staring at the words on your screen as you considered re-evaluating your previous stance on Unknown. You weren’t itching to get involved in anything sketchy.

But, you thought, hearing him out wouldn’t hurt anything. So, you gave in to your curiosity.

  
  


**12345:**

What is it?

**Unknown:**

well... 

**Unknown:**

This app isn’t just a messenger

app, it’s a messenger game app.

**Unknown:**

I wanted to ask if you could test

it out for me.

**Unknown:**

Game concept is chatting with

pretty/good-looking guys ^^

**12345:**

Messenger game app?

**Unknown:**

This app…

**Unknown:**

lets you chat with me but also with 

good-looking/handsome AIs.

**Unknown:**

I might be a good-looking guy too.

But that’s for you to decide -

**Unknown:**

The chats aren’t everything.

**Unknown:**

There are also hidden stories…

**Unknown:**

Amusing stories

**Unknown:**

that will stir your imagination!

**Unknown:**

All you need to do…

**Unknown:**

is to play the game and tell me 

your honest opinion.

  
  


After this, Unknown sent an image. In the image were five people, four males and one female. You tapped on the image to enlarge it, briefly allowing your eyes to scan over the different people, each of which gave off a different vibe. 

As the messages continued flooding in, though, you quickly turned your attention back to the chatroom. You could look at the image more closely later.

  
  


**Unknown:**

These are the characters that come 

out in this game ^^

**Unknown:**

They’re not real people but 

characters created with AI.

**Unknown:**

What do you think? Don’t you 

think it’ll be fun?

  
  


Your bottom lip disappeared between your teeth as you considered Unknown’s offer. Not only were you still somewhat skeptical of everything regarding this encounter with him in the first place, but you also found yourself completely disinterested in the concept of the proposed game.

Ultimately, though, you were bored out of your mind. If the offer was serious, it was a chance for you to scrounge up a little cash and stick around in your dingy apartment for a while longer. And, if this was only a part of a scam or catfishing rouse, then you would deal with that as it arose. You had all of the time in the world at the moment.

You also had to admit to yourself that the way that Unknown advertised their game was slightly endearing to you. The enthusiasm that they were pouring into their words made you think of the infomercials that used to play between cartoons that you watched as a child. Maybe it was the nostalgia with those memories that lowered your guard a bit.

_What the hell,_ you thought. What could go wrong?

  
  


**12345:**

Alright, I’ll try it.

**Unknown:**

Did you find a pretty face that

you like in the poster?

**Unknown:**

If so, you are truly fascinating

lol

**Unknown:**

I’ve studied real hard to make

this messenger game

**Unknown:**

Hope you enjoy it ^^

**Unknown:**

****I think it’ll be better if we talk

over the phone about the 

details. 

**Unknown:**

Let’s talk over the phone.

**Unknown:**

Don’t freak out when you see

an unknown number and 

answer the phone plz ^^

  
  


“What?” You exclaimed aloud in response to the last few messages. “How do they have-?”

The sudden vibrating of your phone both interrupted you and sent a wave of shock down your spine. Unsettled and filled with too much nervous energy, you rushed to grab the still-full paper cup containing your now cold latte and dropped it in the trash can by the exit right before pushing open the door. As the early morning sunlight washed over you, bathing you in a subtle, gentle warmth, you pressed your thumb on the ‘decline’ button, now deeply uncomfortable.

_I need to delete this app._

Despite your attempts to decline the incoming call, your phone connected. _What the hell?_

You frowned, pausing in both shock and disbelief, but brought the phone up to your ear anyways. A male voice was already speaking, but you caught the sentence.

“ _Hey_ ,” he greeted, voice cheery, “ _it’s me, the one who was just chatting with you._ ”

Your mind spun in circles, the strain of trying to chat while also struggling to remember when this person could have hacked your phone starting to give you a headache. Immediately, you tried to distance yourself from the situation.

“You’ve got the wrong number.” Though the lie flew from your mouth smoothly, you already knew that he likely wouldn’t believe you. You got the feeling from your short interaction with Unknown that he was rather persistent.

“ _There’s no way that’s true, my algorithm is never wrong_ ,” he disputed, voice still cheery despite catching you in an obvious lie.

Your discomfort continued to rise, heart rate picking up slowly as his words continued to paint him in a more than creepy light. He must really have hacked into your phone. Could it have been through the coffee shop’s wi-fi? It was public, after all.

There was no other way he could have possibly gotten your contact information.

Unknown didn’t give you a second to get a response in. _“As I mentioned in the chatroom, I called to explain to you about this app. I also thought that talking while hearing my voice would be more credible_.”

You held back a snort. You hadn’t truly doubted his credibility until he revealed that he had your phone number. And he really planned on glossing over that part? _Credible, my ass._

“ _I_ _n truth, a tutorial within the game was supposed to explain everything, but it’s still being modified_ ,” Unknown didn’t pause for a second. “ _Do you remember the characters I sent you?_ ”

Still standing on the sidewalk outside of the coffee shop, your eyebrows rose at his question, incredulous. This situation was equally strange and baffling. You _almost_ couldn’t believe that he was actually trying to talk business after practically admitting to doing something shady with an ‘algorithm’ to get your personal information. Just like you _almost_ couldn’t believe that you were going to let your curiosity get the better of you, allowing you to play along just a little bit longer.

But, alas.

“Sure,” you responded, gazing across the street at a couple, holding hands as they walked by.

“ _Yeah, the image I sent you of the game characters I’m currently developing,_ ” Unknown continued, not at all discouraged by your lackluster response. “ _They’ll be your chatting partners. All five characters in the image are part of an association called the RFA._ ”

The couple across the street stopped at the window of the antique shop a little bit down the road for a second, the girl pointing something out with a smile.

“You don’t say.”

“ _RFA is a closed organization with the purpose of holding fundraising parties. The plot is set to open a fundraising party with your help. You’ve been set as the party coordinator, and you’re in charge of inviting the guests. So, you get to choose who to invite to the party.”_

The couple walked into the antique shop, and you tried to steer yourself back to the conversation as your momentary distraction disappeared.

“You mean, I can just choose whoever I want?” You tried to sound interested as the gears in your head turned, trying to come up with a way to end this conversation as politely as possible.

“ _The characters inside the game will recommend you guests. Depending on how you answer, the guests may or may not come,_ ” Unknown, once again, was unperturbed by your clear disinterest. “ _But of course, it’ll be boring if the game’s just about inviting guests. You can find out their secrets by chatting or talking on the phone with them. It’ll be a lot faster to understand by playing, though, instead of listening to me explain._ ” 

You already knew that you didn’t plan on actually playing the game. Instead, you really wanted to just finish up this phone call without incident, delete the app, and continue on with the hope that that would be the end of it.

You just had to play along a little more. 

“So, it’s like the trending otome game thing?” The question came out naturally, though it was really intended to just stall time. Social interaction had never been your strong suit, especially when you were stressed.

“ _There’s a term like that?_ ” Unknown asked with a friendly chuckle, causing you to briefly wonder about his lack of knowledge about the very type of game he’d been advertising so enthusiastically.

_He's clearly an expert in his field._

“ _I mean, I guess having a boyfriend in your screen is pretty common these days,_ ” he continued good-naturedly. “ _Oh, and as you’ve seen from the image, there are not only male characters, but also a female. But this game hasn’t been released yet, so it can’t be revealed to the market. So, to perform the test, you’ll have to come over here._ ”

The alarm bells in your head grew in noise very suddenly, bringing with them a sense of deepening urgency so strong that it rooted you to the ground once more. 

The app downloading itself on your phone had been sketchy. Unknown knowing your number had been very clearly ominous, especially when your phone automatically answered his call. This, though, was on a different level; clearly predatory. You might have been broke and unhappy, but you still weren’t willing to let yourself be taken to some undisclosed location for a too-nice-sounding stranger to do whatever he wanted with you.

That would be a fat _no_ on your part, thanks.

But you weren’t going to word it quite like that. Pissing off this guy wasn’t very high on your to-do list.

“Just send me any important files,” you said instead.

“ _Sorry, but no can do_ ,” Unknown’s reply was playful, which only served to deepen your discomfort. “ _It’s protected with a special data-leak security system. Even if you were to download the file, it’d be uninstallable. I need to directly install it on your smartphone. I’d appreciate your understanding- and I also want to meet you in person before you start playing._ ”

You bit your lip once again, front teeth digging into the delicate skin as you tried to figure out how to articulate your refusal without drawing forth any resistance or malice from Unknown. His words were only becoming more malicious- whether he actively realized it or not- and every lecture on stranger-danger you’d ever heard were banding together in your head in a chorus of alarm.

“No, sorry,” you eventually managed. “I’ll have to pass.”

There was a second of silence.

“ _Why?_ ” He sounded genuinely baffled. “ _I_ _thought you were interested. It’s an app just for you, where you can chat with pretty guys. Other’s can’t play it, only you.”_

Your stomach twisted at his words and the insinuated meaning. Had you been actively searched out?

Though the situation was taking a turn for the worse, this new revelation of you being a specific target only heightened your desire to finish this off without any hard feelings.

“Sorry,” you apologized again. “I can’t go to an undisclosed location; it’s not safe.”

“ _For real?_ ” Unknown sounded somewhat dejected before his voice took on the previous cheery tone once again. “ _Then how about this- If you come here and test the game, someone might be interested in you by seeing that. For example… me._ ”

A lump formed in your throat. Unease growing by the second, you struggled to try to keep your thoughts clear enough to respond quickly. You _really_ didn’t need this type of attention from anyone at the moment, especially some weird hacker who didn’t seem to understand personal boundaries.

“No thanks, I still can’t go,” you kept your voice firm, purposely omitting another apology as you tried to stand your ground with faux confidence.

“ _You… don’t need me?_ ” A series of wavering chuckles sounded in your ear. His next sentence was slightly stuttered as if he was caught off-guard by your response; as if he truly couldn’t understand why you were refusing. “ _That’s… sad. Really sad. I really believed you were going to make my dream come true. That you were the one I’d go to paradise with._ ”

You paused for a second, considering his words with heightened disconcertment. “Paradise?” You repeated, bringing your eyebrows together in a slight frown. “What do you mean?”

“ _The place I was trying to take you to,_ ” he explained. “ _That place is paradise. There’s no pain or sadness, just endless happiness. It’s a world more exciting than the game. I’m the angel that will lead you to paradise._ ”

This had to be a joke. This guy couldn’t be serious. Was he a hacker or a recruiter for some weird cult?

Why did this shit always happen to you?

“ _You’ve just let go of my hand,_ ” he remarked, but his earlier sadness had turned into something more sinister, “ _but don’t worry. I don’t plan to let you go just yet. I’m sad, but I guess this is also a path to paradise.”_

Your chest grew tight as his words continued, slowly becoming more and more ominous much quicker than you’d been prepared for. “ _I’d really like to see what kind of face you’ll make when you’ve been truly saved after entering the paradise. I want to see it with my own eyes.”_

Without another thought, you ripped the phone away from your ears and ended the call. There was a short beep, and you were surrounded by silence once more.

The silence permeated into your head, allowing your frightened thoughts to sound a little louder in your mind as you tried to gather your wits. You exited out of the app and held your finger down on the icon, waiting for it to offer you the option to delete it. Even after the icon disappeared from your home screen, you found no comfort. The anxiety that lingered in your mind caused you to shiver, and you glanced up and down the streets, looking carefully for any signs of someone watching you.

That wasn’t good at all. You had a really bad feeling about this.

But you’d deleted the app. There wasn’t a whole lot more that you could do. It wasn’t as if you could go to the authorities because someone had made a creepy call. 

All you could really do was just hope that this was the end of it.

* * *

Once again, you were sitting in your spot in the cafe. Today, the gentle, breezy atmosphere did nothing to lift your spirits. The same latte you always ordered warmed the paper cup that sat in your hands, but you couldn’t properly register the taste of the coffee and milk. 

This cafe, which had been your source of comfort, was slowly starting to become a part of your life tainted by something shitty, alongside your crappy apartment and dwindling bank account.

This day felt like the beginning of the end. Even the strange caller from the day before had been forgotten ever since you’d returned home.

“ _Sorry,_ ” your landlord had said, and though his eyes did seem to hold an inkling of pity, there was no mistaking the finality in his next words, “ _b_ _ut I’m going to need your keys in the morning._ ”

You’d finally run out of time. After a long night of restless sleep, you spent the morning packing a small bag with some essentials and dropped your keys off at the front desk. You exited the building of crappy apartments for the last time, watching as the door fell shut with the same squeaking hinges it’d had since you moved in. You had thought that you would feel much more distraught, but your chest was filled to the brim with absolutely nothing. You just felt heavy. Your body, moving on autopilot, brought you to this coffee shop, like usual, and you’d ordered your latte, like usual, and sat right down in your favourite spot.

You had been expecting this for months. You didn’t really have the right to be upset, because you had given up on improving your situation a long time ago. Even the dread of living on the streets had subsided months prior to this day.

Twirling the cup around in your hands, you sat absentmindedly, staring at the wall. You felt nothing but the crushing disappointment about the fact that your life had turned out this way.

But, had you really expected anything different? You’d known for a while that things never turned out well for you. You shouldn’t have been surprised.

It was then that your phone began to buzz, pulling you out of your thoughts. Without thinking, you accepted the call and brought the phone up to your ear.

“ _Hi, it’s me. What have you been up to?_ ”

The voice was familiar, and it brought with it a mixture of shock and disbelief; the first thing you had really felt since last night.

Hadn’t you deleted that fucking app? 

“ _S_ _orry that I couldn’t call you more often,_ ” he continued, not allowing you the chance to answer his previous question. “ _I’ve been busy as the preparation is at its last phase. If I could, I’d want to spend the whole day connected to you. The only thing that connects us is this phone. I don’t want to let go of this..._ ”

Your lips were parted, mouth slightly agape as Unknown spoke, his voice low with something you couldn’t quite recognize. His words were foreign to you, unfamiliar as if he was speaking a language that you couldn’t understand.

None of this made sense to you. There weren’t any regular people in your life- at least not anymore. There wasn’t a single person you could imagine running into and accidentally inciting within them such a creepy devotion to you.

_You_ , of all people.

You were nothing.

“ _I_ _n fact, I’ve been thinking of you all day. Even when I was busy, I was thinking of you; wondering what you’re doing, who you’re talking to, what you’re talking about, how many times you thought of me… I’m going crazy because I want to know everything._ ”

You were still unable to respond. It seemed more as if he was talking to himself at this point. You felt as if you were hearing somebody’s deepest thoughts and feelings that you had no right to know. As if this conversation wasn’t about you, as if you weren’t the one at the root of all of this.

“ _I_ _miss you,_ ” he continued, his voice suddenly taking on a wistful tone. “ _I want to see you. We could have been together by now if you had chosen to come back then, you know? We could have been together all day long…_ ”

There was a second of silence, just long enough for your voice to escape your throat, unfamiliar to your ears.

“I-” you stopped yourself, all confidence draining from your body as you realized that you had no idea what to say. 

What did this guy expect from you? How were you supposed to get out of this?

He was quick to begin speaking again, like your voice had dragged him back from his thoughts. “ _No, no- You don’t have to feel sorry or anything. It’s going to happen soon. Even though it was delayed, you’ll eventually end up with me. You’ll eventually come to where I am to be by my side. Because I’m going to make you come to me._ ”

The lump in your throat grew in size at his words, a thick stone settling in the pit of your stomach.

Was this supposed to be some sort of sick prank? Why was a stranger speaking to you this way? You weren’t a person of importance. For the last few months, you’d lived such a monotonous, morose life. You were nothing special. This didn’t happen to people like you.

“ _I’ll hang up for today,_ ” Unknown continued after a few seconds of pensive silence. “ _Let’s talk again tomorrow. Though, the moment I hang up, I’m going to miss the sounds of your breath through the phone,_ ” his voice lowered to a whisper. “ _Bye._ ”

A click indicated the end of the call, but you found yourself unable to move. Silence blanketed you, allowing only for the festering of complicated feelings within your chest.

Had that really just happened?

You began to feel as if this was quickly escalating. You’d never before missed your scummy, old apartment like this. At the moment, the idea of a roof over your head offered you more security than you’d realized previously.

What the hell were you going to do?

* * *

You hadn’t planned for your homelessness at all, so you definitely weren’t expecting much in terms of nighttime accommodations, but the park bench that you had perched on overnight hadn’t been too bad. You tried to stay somewhat near civilization in an attempt to be at least somewhat conscious of your safety in light of the given situation you’d found yourself in, and nobody had bothered you all night. You had dozed off sitting upright, your arms resting atop your bag, which was laying on your lap. 

You were more than grateful that it was mid-May; warm during the day and only slightly breezy at night. If it was winter, you would have been in a lot more trouble. You had woken up with the rising of the sun, your back and neck sore after spending a few hours on the wooden bench. Your sleep hadn’t been very restful, but it was enough to get you through the night. As soon as the coffee shop opened, you found repose within for a few hours, plugging your phone into one of their outlets to let it charge.

Your day was as monotonous as always.

You were wandering down a sidewalk in the early evening when your phone began vibrating again. You pressed your lips together, shoulders tensing as you registered the words ‘ _Unknown Caller_ ’ on your screen.

Were you supposed to be touched that he was calling you again? 

Despite your discomfort, you accepted the call after a few seconds and brought the phone up to your ear. Nobody had contacted you this often, this regularly, in quite a long time.

When had you become this desperate for human contact?

“ _You picked up,_ ” Unknown let out a breathy chuckle. “ _I’m glad. Were you waiting for my call? If so, that’d make me really happy. You must have been thinking of me while waiting, like I was thinking of you._ ”

You let out your own chuckle, though it was more sardonic than his had been. He wasn’t exactly wrong; you _had_ been anticipating his call, after all.

“ _Oh, right,_ ” he suddenly exclaimed. “ _I have a secret to tell you._ ”

This perked your attention, and while you were suspicious, you found yourself equally curious. For the first time since your initial call two days ago, you spoke.

“Really?” You asked. “What is it?”

He seemed pleased at your interest, and was quick to fill you in. “ _I actually went to see you yesterday after hanging up._ ”

Your blood froze in your veins, and you came to a stop. Your head suddenly felt extremely hot.

“ _I couldn’t help myself,_ ” he continued as if he hadn’t just dropped a bombshell on you, “ _I really wanted to see you. I thought about surprising you by dropping by where you were at, but I decided to save that for later. I watched you from one meter away. Did you notice?_ ”

Your breathing became shallow, mouth going dry at his words. You were finally able to move for long enough to survey your surroundings, suddenly immensely paranoid. Your eyes scanned the people around you, but none of them were on the phone, and none of them were looking at you.

Still, your anxiety persisted. You couldn’t shake the feeling of eyes boring into you.

“...No,” your voice was tight, struggling to fight its way out of your mouth. “I didn’t notice.”

There was a higher-pitched giggle from the other side of the phone and, cheery as ever, Unknown continued.

“ _I like the look you’re making right now. How cute.”_

You only noticed your hand beginning to tremble as the phone pressed to your ear with a bit more force. You tightened the grip on your bag and resumed surveying your surroundings, this time going so far as to glance into the windows of nearby shops to see if you could find anyone suspicious.

_Nothing._ Your heart thumped against your chest and your head grew hotter. Where in the world was he?

“ _Ah- darn,_ ” Unknown’s voice lowered a bit as if he was revealing yet another secret to you. “ _Actually… I’m still watching you right now. How I’m watching you is a secret. I feel like I’m with you as I’m listening to your breath and watching over you. Don’t you think so? You… want to feel me closer too, right? Don’t worry. There’s only a few days left, and you won’t have to live like you are anymore._ _The day will soon come when I can be right in front of you and touch you. I get the feeling we’ll meet very soon.”_

The whirlwind of thoughts in your head began to die out slowly as you fought to keep yourself grounded enough to register his words.

“ _You should have come when I told you to…_ ” Unknown’s chidings sounded in your head. He sounded as if he was speaking to a misbehaving child. “ _But it’s alright. Let’s talk again tomorrow. Bye._ ”

In a split second, the call was over.

The silence that always followed after his calls was beginning to feel more and more familiar. You let out a breath that you weren’t aware you’d been holding and dropped your hand to your side, biting down on your lower lip as a frown crossed your face.

You felt deeply violated, and even more unsettled than the previous day. The added knowledge that you were being stalked more actively than you had initially realized sank deep into your core, and a shiver racked through your body despite the warmth of the evening sun.

You started walking, still aware of the fact that he was watching you from somewhere. The knowledge that someone was monitoring you caused you to become very attuned to your every movement. 

But there was nothing that you could do. You had nowhere to go that could offer you any respite, any real safety.

“Damn it,” you cursed aloud, running a hand through your hair roughly. You never imagined that you would long for the security of your old, crummy apartment like this.

* * *

That night had offered you even less sleep than the first. You settled in the same park bench, but fought to keep yourself awake as you played Unknown’s words in your head over and over again.

How could you let yourself sleep with the knowledge that the weird cultish hacker who was trying to take you to ‘paradise’ had been actively stalking you for days? The darkness of the night seemed more intimidating than it ever had before. As much as you fought it, though, the exhaustion weighing on your mind eventually pulled you into a fitful nap for an hour or two before the sun began to rise again.

As soon as the cafe was open, you walked inside, ordered your usual latte in a larger size than usual, and sat yourself down at your favourite spot, basking in the relative safety that it offered from the outside world.

From _him._

It wasn’t long until your phone began to vibrate once again and, despite your body’s alarm signals warning you to stop picking up his calls, you were too exhausted to consider denying him.

What good would it do at this point? He was probably watching you anyway.

“ _Hi,_ ” he greeted, voice as cheery as ever. “ _How are you feeling today?_ ”

There was a silence, and it took you a few seconds to realize you were expected to fill it with a reply.

“Fine,” you responded, rubbing your palm into your head as you propped your elbow up on the table.

There was a chuckle from the other side of the line. “ _I really miss you today,_ ” he mused, voice fond and gentle. “ _Talking through the phone is fine, but I want to look into your eyes as I talk to you. How fulfilling it’d be if I could fill your eyes with only me. How great it’d be if you could stay by my side without going anywhere._ ”

You couldn’t find it in you to feel as alarmed as you had yesterday. Fighting through your exhaustion, both physically and mentally, was proving to be a challenge that dulled your senses. You knew to expect this from him.

“ _I want to keep you safe. I hate to see you living like you are now,_ ” his voice, still gentle, sounded sad as he continued. “ _I miss you. I miss you. I really miss you. I really want to meet you._ ”

You still said nothing, head heavy as your unfocused eyes stared blankly at the table.

Unknown was quiet for a few seconds as if lost in his own thoughts before speaking again, much louder this time, like he had reached some sort of conclusion in his head.

“ _I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to bring you here._ ”

That woke you right back up.

“ _I know the reason you answered my call is because you want to come here to me. And- I have good news today. The preparations are all finally done._ ”

You sounded hoarse, worn-out as you spoke. “What do you mean?”

He didn’t seem to notice your exhaustion at all. In fact, he seemed rather pleased with your interest. “ _You’re curious? Be patient. You’ll find out with your own eyes. I hope you like the birdcage I prepared for you. I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Wait for me in the cafe you’re at now. Let’s go to paradise together tomorrow._ ”

A beep, and the phone call was over. Silence, once again, this time different from the last.

You set the phone down on the table and pressed your palms into your eyes, ignoring the burning as they watered as a result of both frustration and sleep depravity. You felt strangely desperate. A breathy, shaky sigh escaped your mouth, latte forgotten once more.

What were you supposed to do now? Call the police?

You considered it for a while.

What could they really do? It wasn’t as if he’d initiated any physical contact, and the authorities were notoriously adept at brushing off cases of harassment and stalking. Besides that, you were a homeless woman on the streets of a big city; not exactly the poster child for credibility. You weren’t sure if you wanted to set yourself up for the disappointment of being denied help.

Besides, what if asking for help only enraged this person? You didn’t know what they were capable of, and with it being inevitable that the police would not help you, you would only be in more danger if you risked it.

…

You didn’t want to admit it to yourself, but deep in your mind, you found yourself feeling curious. 

You were nothing. Nobody special, nobody charming, or smart, or otherworldly pretty. If anything, you were the picture of failure for a person your age. No home, no job, no people in your life to support you. You couldn’t help wondering what it was that this person saw in you to bring him to such a level of devotion.

You hadn’t had proper human contact in longer than you cared to admit. You were going off the deep end anyway. You had already lost your home, and you were quickly running out of money, too.

If you met him in a public place… what was the worst that could happen?

Your mind was already made up.

_No wonder you turned out like this._ You were more screwed up than you’d realized.

* * *

Another night, another hour or two of restless sleep. Your body was heavy with fatigue, muscles and joints sore after sleeping on an uncomfortable bench for the third night in a row. When you had let yourself into the bathroom of a nearby gas station early in the morning and looked at yourself in the mirror, you couldn’t help grimacing.

It had been three nights since you’d lost your apartment. Lack of sleep and decent food had already taken a toll on you. Your eyes were bloodshot, the skin of your eyelids and the bags under your eyes were red and deep, as if screaming to the world that you were exhausted beyond repair. Your hair was showing signs of needing a wash, and you ran your comb through it, hoping that taming some of the flyaways would help you to look at least somewhat more human.

You felt more disgusting than you looked, but you weren’t surprised, given the progression of the last few days.

This day dragged by much more than the last two had. Though you had been undeniably bored since losing your apartment, this was the first time that you were actively waiting for something to happen, despite not knowing when it would. The anticipation caused time to pass slowly.

_Was this guy really going to show up?_ You wondered as you nursed yet another drink, letting the caffeine bring a bit of life back into your mind. You looked out of the window, surveying every person that passed, but without knowing what Unknown looked like, you knew you would be unable to pick him out from a crowd.

You felt like a sitting duck, but the anxiety of awaiting your stalker didn’t bother you near as much as did the small sparks of excitement that arose when you imagined finally meeting him.

What kind of person was he? What did he look like? What would you find out by meeting him? 

Most importantly, why did you want to know all of this so badly?

You tried not to focus on your curiosity too much, as the disgust it brought you was almost too much to deal with. You had known that loneliness had been dragging you down for a long time, but you had no idea that the effects of solitude would bring you to do something this stupid.

But what did you really have to lose at this point?

Your eyelids, swollen from lack of sleep, were heavy. Your small reserve of energy depleted as the hours dragged on, and you went from sitting upright in the morning to leaning your head into your palm and dozing by the early afternoon. The chattering of the baristas was rather comforting to you after having spent several days in this cafe, and it helped to blanket you with a very strong urge to give in and let yourself sleep.

Your eyelids shut eventually, and what was supposed to be a few seconds’ respites quickly turned into a slightly disorienting series of short naps. Your consciousness returned to you for a few seconds at a time but always retreated before you had the chance to fully wake yourself up.

It was during one of those times where you registered being barely awake that a voice, dangerously familiar, finally reached your ears.

“You fell asleep,” it mused, sounding strangely fond from above you. “How cute.”

Your eyes flew open, and you suddenly found the strength to yank your head up, trying to blink the sleep out of your eyes as they focused on the figure by your table.

Mint eyes framed with light lashes regarded you with an emotion you couldn’t quite decipher, lips stretching into a smile. A mop of bleached hair with pink-dyed tips rested atop this person’s head, resting gently on his cheeks. He definitely stood out in the cafe, clad in a deep, magenta blazer with a blue rose pinned to its lapel, a cravat, dark vest, and beige pants. He wore black gloves that only covered half of his palms. 

You hadn’t expected your stalker to stick out this much. Didn’t they usually try to blend in?

He didn’t seem at all aware of the looks he was getting from a few of the other customers, completely focused on you, sitting silently in your corner, too shocked to speak. You felt extremely out of place, suddenly very aware of your haphazard, ragged appearance as you remembered just how awful you’d looked in the mirror this morning. You had expected him to resemble your idea of a stalker; ruffled clothes and a restless demeanor, but he was the exact opposite.

The rest of the customers went back to their business eventually, and the man in front of you spoke again.

“I really missed you,” he said gently, cheeks dusted with a rosy pink. “Sorry I’m late. Did you wait long?”

His eyes, a brilliant mint that you had never seen before, were fixated upon you so intensely that it was hard to breathe. You felt pinned in place, heart beating in your chest with the leftover shock from his sudden appearance. You managed to move enough to shake your head in response to his question even though you had, in fact, been here since the cafe opened.

Unknown seemed pleased enough by your answer, as his smile widened ever so slightly. “Good. I’m so glad that you’ve waited for me. But I can’t help wondering how horrid your reality was that it made you wait for me? I kept thinking about that…” 

You remained silent at his remark and finally looked away, eyes falling back to the table. You had already known that he was aware of your situation, as he’d mentioned it several times during your brief phone calls, but hearing someone try to sympathize with you in regards to your current life had you feeling complicated.

It had been so long since anyone had made an effort to keep in contact with you. Even if his methods were creepy and more than likely illegal, you found yourself feeling… touched. Relieved that somebody finally understood.

What was wrong with you? Had months of solitude really reduced you to this?

Unknown’s voice lowered, filled to the brim with a sudden pity. “Poor thing…” he mused gently. “Why don’t we go together? We can live happily in paradise.”

He took a small step forward, coming closer while still keeping a bit of a respectful distance. The movement coupled with the sudden smell of something flowery brought about by Unknown’s proximity caused you to raise your head back up, making eye contact with him once more.

“Don’t you worry about a thing,” he continued, voice buttery smooth. “All you need to do from now on is to be happy there.”

As he held your gaze, there was the smallest shift of emotion in his eyes, just enough for you to take notice, but not so much for you to be able to identify the nature of the change. His lips widened just a bit more, drawing out his smile, and he held out one of his gloved hands toward you.

“Take my hand,” he prompted. “Aren’t you tired of these boring days? You’ve suffered enough, don’t you think?”

You didn’t expect his words to get to you this much. He was really playing into your self-pity.

But he was handing you empathy that you had craved for so long, and the relief of feeling any sense of companionship with another person was so strong that it quickly overpowered the unease that had been in your stomach for the last few days. Something about a real, living person offering you a way out gave rise to a small hope that had been lost to you for a very long time.

It wasn’t like you had much else to lose, anyways.

“Come with me,” Unknown’s hand remained outstretched. “You and I, let’s start over. Just the two of us. And play a somewhat… interesting game, too.”

Your chest felt stuffy, but you found yourself raising your own arm and placing your hand in his. It was warm even through his glove, and he closed his fingers around your own immediately. The contact gave you a sense of security that you didn’t realize you had been missing this whole time.

Unknown looked immensely pleased with your acceptance. He closed his eyes and let out a breath as he ran his thumb across your knuckles gently. “I don’t think I could let you go after meeting you in person…” he admitted. His eyes opened once more, meeting your own with increased intensity from before. His grip tightened on your hand slightly.

“I’m going to use you as my assistant,” he said, with a sense of finality, before tugging your hand gently to get you to stand. “I’m still taking you even if you say no. Come, let’s go.”

You allowed yourself to be pulled to your feet by this man, head foggy. Without a word, you went to grab your bag, but his free hand reached for it first.

“Allow me,” he took the bag and shouldered it, leaving you to take your phone. Coffee completely forgotten, you stayed silent as Unknown tugged on your hand to lead you toward the exit. He pushed the door open and you followed him out, walking into the sunlight. The sky toward the horizon was already turning a deep orange, dyeing the clouds in the vicinity a deep pink. The light seemed to tinge his hair orange ever so slightly.

The world felt pretty. You felt hopeful.

  
“I’m so glad…” his words were gentle, filled to the brim with emotion. “I’m so glad I could finally come and get you. Things will be so much better from here on. You’ll see.”

You managed a small nod, voice stuffed too deep in your throat for you to be able to come up with a reply. You had only walked a few feet down the street before Unknown stopped by a black car. He opened the back passenger side door for you, giving you the same smile. “I’ll take you to paradise,” he said, letting go of you to place his hand on your shoulder, prompting you into the car. “It’s not far.”

You settled into your seat, gripping your phone with both hands, and Unknown shut the door next to you. As he rounded the car, you took notice of the person sitting in front; a regular-looking man that took no notice of your presence. You reached to buckle the seat belt, the resounding click the only noise to fill the silence between you and the driver.

The door on your other side opened, and Unknown stepped up into the car, sitting in the seat next to you. He looked completely at ease as he set your bag down on the floor of the car before buckling his seat belt. As the driver started the car, bringing the machine to life, Unknown reached up to the center console, taking hold of a plastic water bottle, which he offered to you with a smile.

“I’m sure you’re thirsty. Days of coffee can’t be good for you,” he remarked, waiting patiently for you to finally respond. You accepted the bottle with a quiet word of thanks. You uncapped the bottle and took a few sips, barely registering the way that Unknown continued to watch you as he did so.

His eyes were zeroed in on you, as if you were the only thing that mattered. As if he couldn’t get enough of you.

You were duly aware that what you were doing went against everything you had ever been taught as a child, but tried to reassure yourself with lackluster thoughts. It was too late to turn back anyway, you thought, glancing out of the window for just a second to watch the park that had been your home pass you by.

The bench looked so desolate from the car.

“You’ll never have to go back there,” Unknown filled the silence once more, causing your attention to turn toward him as you took another sip from the water bottle, capping it soon after. “You’ll never again have to live a life of suffering. You can be happy now, with me, in paradise.”

Holding eye contact with him for a few seconds, you found your voice falling from your lips. “What’s your name?” You asked. “You seem to know a lot about me, but I don’t know anything about you.”

Unknown seemed to take your statement as a compliment, as his cheeks turned a rosy pink once again. “Of course I know about you,” he responded vaguely. “You’re special to me. I’m glad you want to know more about me. My name is Ray.”

_Ray._

A simple, if somewhat foreign name. It suited him, somehow.

The car rounded a corner, and as it did, a sudden wave of dizziness flooded over you. You inhaled sharply in response to the sudden vertigo, bringing a hand up to your head as if to attempt to steady yourself.

Ray didn’t say anything, choosing instead to reach over and gently take the water bottle from your other hand. His eyes seemed to hold something darker than they had before as he watched you, drinking in your reactions.

_Oh. Oh, no._

Despite the dizziness and quickly approaching weakness, you found that your head was more clear now than it had been since you’d seen Ray in the cafe. Panic filled your throat. A breath escaped your lips shakily and you turned toward Ray, eyes widened as a thick dread settled in the pit of your stomach.

_I should have known._

“Sorry,” he offered you a regretful smile. “But I can’t let you know the way to paradise. So just rest up for now, okay?”

The world was beginning to spin out of focus around you, weakening your hold on your consciousness. With great effort, you lifted your arm to grab onto Ray’s sleeve, as if doing so would ground you enough to keep you in reality. A weak whimper escaped your throat. Ray took hold of your hand with one of his, encasing it rather tightly.

“Don’t fight it. It’s okay,” he cooed, reaching out with his free hand to ghost his gloved fingers over your cheek. “We’ll be there before you know it.”  
  


A fog separated your mind from your body. Your eyes slid shut and you slumped forward despite trying your hardest to fight it, and you were aware of Ray speaking again, but remained too detached to make out what he was saying.

The last thing you were aware of was the scent of flowers and Ray’s tight grip on your hand, never faltering as your consciousness finally slipped away from you.


	2. Malachite Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you find out that your definition of "paradise" is apparently very wrong.   
> Heads up for drugging and general nastiness.

The next flashes of consciousness you were aware of were few and far between. Your mind was fogged, your body weak, and unwilling to listen to your commands. You were floating in limbo, with no idea where you were. 

Your world was a whirlwind of confusion and pulsating darkness. You were stuck in your head, thoughts clouded with fog, mind completely disconnected from your body.

_ “Be gentle… She’s important. _ ”

The voice was slightly familiar but it faded away as soon as you heard it. You were unable to hold onto anything from reality. Even breathing felt too hard, like it took an amount of energy you weren’t capable of.

You felt the hands on your body, grabbing your arms, legs, and waist. In the very back of your mind, where only the tiniest hint of rationale remained, a pool of extreme discomfort was growing larger and larger. Who was touching you? Why were these people holding onto you? Why couldn’t you just move away?

_ Don’t touch me. _

Your mind was lagging behind. You were slow, fatigued. You couldn’t so much as open your eyes even when you were hoisted up. As your mind was slowly bring dragged back to darkness, you felt a soft breeze of fresh air caress your skin, wrapping around you gently as if to offer some semblance of comfort. But solace could not find you. 

The world around you grew dimmer again and your thoughts pulsated with brief panic, but it wasn’t strong enough to give you control over your limbs. You were left with no choice but to give in to the exhaustion that was crawling over your body. The darkness lingering around the edge of your mind spilled over you as the floodgates opened, and you slipped away once again.

For a while longer, there was nothing. You felt at peace.

But at what cost?

Blurs of awareness pulled you from the depths of nothing for a few seconds at a time, leaving you stranded in a dreamlike world just long enough to register that you didn’t at all understand what was happening around you before you would inevitably drift away again. Repeatedly, over and over again, you were jerked back and forth between the crevices of your mind to a reality you weren’t sure you were ready to face. It was tiring. You were exhausted. You didn’t want this anymore.

Words met your ears every so often, but they remained insufficient in helping you to piece together what was happening.

_ “This is… told you about…” _

_ “... want to keep…” _

_ “... start the process soon…” _

Then, another long stretch of nothing.

Your mind was blank. Your body was tired.

You were exhausted beyond belief, physically and mentally. At least sleep offered you respite, brief as it was. You didn’t have it in you to fight any longer.

You had been fighting for such a long time. It would just be easier to give in.

You were soon submitting to the deep sleep that wouldn’t stop dragging you back down.

_ Stop waking me up. Just leave me alone. _

* * *

You couldn’t tell how long it’d been since you were last awake. Your limbs felt like lead, eyelids heavy with the remnants of a sleep so deep that you weren’t sure if you would ever be able to fully wake up again. You felt like you had been gone for a long time, floating in a place between sleep and reality, dark and dreamless.

It had almost been peaceful. If not for the lingering fear that remained at the edge of your mind, you might have given in to the urge to fall back asleep once more. Through the haze in your head, though, you were unable to remember why you were afraid. 

You fought to wrench your eyes open. It was like someone had glued your eyelids shut. Though your muscles were weakened, you finally managed to open your eyes enough to register that you were somewhere dark and cold, with musty air.

You were laying on your side, you noticed. Your back ached and your head throbbed, and it was the pain that started to slowly ground you back into reality. A thick blanket of nausea fell over you, coating you and prompting forth a miserable groan from your throat, which was dry and scratchy. You felt awful, but not bad enough to stay immobilized.

The world finally shifted back into focus, allowing you to discern that it wasn’t as dark as you had initially thought. You were in a small room, laying on the ground, which was cold and hard underneath your head and fingertips. Blinking a few times, you tried desperately to still the thrumming of your heart, which was growing more anxious with every passing second.

After a stretch of laying still, you gathered up all of your willpower to finally move. Using one arm to push your head and torso up a little, you propped yourself up onto the ground so as to survey your surroundings more thoroughly. A wave of dizziness washed over you as soon as you were somewhat upright, only fueling your nausea, and you brought your free hand up to rest on your stomach in hopes of settling it down somewhat.

_ God, please don’t let me puke. _

Trying desperately to ignore the urge to blow chunks all over yourself, you forced yourself to examine your environment.

Horrified, the realization came to you that what you had thought was a small room was actually a cell.

It was medieval-like in its ambiance. Three of the four walls were stone while the last was made up of metal prison bars. From your position, you could only see out of your cell enough to gather that the hallway behind the bars was made of the same stone. You were also able to make out a sconce with a gently burning candle, which had been providing you with a little light.

Your nausea was temporarily forgotten, and was instead being replaced with a terror that covered you in a cold sweat.

“Oh my God…” you whispered, sitting up a little higher to let your wide eyes wander over your surroundings once more.

The room was musty, with cold, brittle air. It clung to your bare arms, nipping at the exposed skin. Your stomach lurched as you tried to make any sense of what was going on. You felt like you had been stranded in a scene of a horror movie.

Was this some sort of human trafficking ring?

What had you gotten yourself into?

There was a slam from one end of the hallway, breaking the silence in two so suddenly that you jumped. There was some shuffling, followed shortly by what sounded like several pairs of footsteps, growing steadily louder as they moved in your direction.

Your mouth went dry. Instantly, you broke through your panic-induced immobilization and quickly scampered to the back of your cell until you were pressed up against the hard stone wall. Your breathing was loud,  _ too loud, _ and despite your awareness of this fact, you were so terrified, so panicked, that you couldn’t quiet down. Your senses were beginning to flood with dread, seeping into your bones so quickly that you began to feel woozy once again.

Were you going to die today?

_ I’m not ready. _

Black began to spot over your vision and your head rolled to the side slightly, but you fought through it in an attempt to keep yourself awake.

_ Not the time. Stay awake. _

You couldn’t succumb to panic just yet.

The footsteps grew louder, and in just a few seconds, three figures came into view, stopping in front of the bars that kept you separated.

Two of the figures seemed to be taller men, but it was hard to tell. They wore dark, long-sleeved cloaks with golden embroidery. The fabric engulfed their bodies, and their hoods were pulled up, casting an ominous shadow over their faces.

It wasn’t those two that concerned you, though.

Standing in front of them, holding herself with an air of effortless superiority, was a woman. Though she was significantly shorter than the two cloaked figures, her demeanor was much more domineering. Her looks contrasted heavily with the air she exuded. Golden hair fell in long waves down her back with fringe delicately framing her round face, resting on her rosy cheeks. Eyes of emerald focused on you, studying you, and the corners of her lips quirked upwards ever so slightly in a gentle, yet foreboding ghost of a smile.

She wore robes as well, though hers were white and seemed much more ceremonial in nature, similar to something you would expect a high-ranking religious figure to be found in.

She stuck out from her surroundings like a sore thumb, a gleaming jewel amidst the darkness and musty air. Something about her shrouded you in further anxiety, and you found yourself feeling like you had a standard to live up to. Like you needed to earn her approval.

Like you needed to yield to her.

You didn’t say a word. To you, the silence seemed to drag on, settling in the corners of your cell, suffocating you with anticipation and worry. In reality, though, it was only a few seconds until she spoke.

“You’re awake.”

Her voice, though gentle and firm, was somehow powerful. Her presence commanded submission, and the fluttering of your uneasy heart prompted you to say nothing. She turned to face you fully, and as she did, one of the cloaked figures pulled out a ring of keys. The jangling of metal was the only noise in the hallway for a few seconds, until one of the keys was shoved into a lock and turned, opening the door and permitting the woman access to your cell.

She walked in with grace, head held up high as she observed you from a closer angle. The cloaked figures followed her in and, feeling more boxed in than you already had, you pressed yourself into the stone even more. The jagged edges dug into the skin of your back, but you paid it no mind. You were completely cornered, at the mercy of these strange people.

The woman in front of you tilted her head slightly as you trembled, emerald eyes filling with pity.

“You poor thing,” she cooed. “There’s no need to be so frightened. I’m sure you’re confused, but all will be revealed to you in time. You’ll be accepted into paradise soon.”

You blinked, and though it took you a second to register her words, the first thing you felt in response was a flash of hot anger.

_ Paradise? _

This small cell with cold, musty air, was paradise? You abandoned your safety, gave in so quickly to the human contact which you had so desperately craved, to be dragged off and locked up like an animal? You had trusted a stranger, your stalker, for  _ this? _

He flashed through your mind, and your throat constricted at the memory of Ray’s sweet words. How easily you had let him get under your skin.

Pathetic. You were completely and utterly pathetic; a joke of a person.

You wanted to lash out in response, your fear slowly giving way to agitation as your self-hatred mixed with the condescension that lined this woman’s voice, but you held it in with all of your might. You couldn’t be reckless.

Despite her petite frame, something about this woman gave you the impression that she could have you snapped like a twig without so much as moving a finger.

“Ray thinks very highly of you,” she spoke with a voice as sweet as honey. Her mention of the boy with mint green eyes caught your attention, and she seemed to take notice of this. “He’s spoken of nothing but you for days now. At first, I was worried that you may cause problems by distracting him from his work.”

Her words carried with them an underlying threat, and you dared not move. 

“But, seeing you now…” her words trailed off for a few seconds, “I think we can make good use of you. You did come to us willingly, after all, and I would never turn away a lamb who’s been thrown out by the world.”

As if hearing a secret cue, the two figures behind her moved, approaching you on either side. You stiffened, shoving yourself into the wall further as if to try and get away, but all escape routes were blocked. The men took hold of one of your arms each and, despite your attempts to pull away, easily hoisted you up onto your feet. They held you steadily as your legs trembled from a mix of fright and disuse, and you were now at eye-level with the woman in front of you. Though you weren’t trembling underneath her anymore, she still remained just as imposing.

A bell-like chuckle fell from her lips, almost good-natured, and she smiled at you. “Oh my, you look quite distressed.”

_ Yeah, no shit, _ you thought bitterly, clenching your teeth with such force that your jaw began to ache.

You had been backed into a corner, left vulnerable and exposed to this woman, and you had no way out. There was no way that she didn’t notice just how frightened and confused you were, yet she still spoke to you so casually, as if she was doing you a favor. How could someone speak so kindly while simultaneously holding you captive like this? You were already drenched in an icy fear, being held in place by the two strangers at your side, and you had a feeling that they weren’t quite done with you yet.

Your breathing was labored, legs trembling underneath you as they struggled to hold you upright. If it weren’t for the vice-like grips on your arms, you were certain you would have collapsed right back onto the ground. The earlier haze in your mind had long since disappeared, leaving you painfully aware of the calamity you were currently facing.

“What are you going to do to me?” You finally asked, question escaping your mouth in a tremble. You didn’t sound like yourself.

“I’m going to save you,” she responded like her words were the most natural thing in the world. Like you were the stupid one for asking such a question. “That’s why you’ve come here, to Magenta. You’re a weak person who’s been abandoned by the strong. All of us here are the same. I’m going to save you so that you can live happily with us in paradise, where the outside world can never again hurt you.”

She raised one of her hands, and some of the candlelight caught the glass she was holding, the reflection of light redirecting your attention to the liquid inside. It seemed to glow in the darkness, a bright mint green that caused your mind to start spinning with apprehension. Nothing about that liquid seemed friendly.

You tried to make sense of the situation but were unable to do so. There was too much missing, too many gaps in the story that your mind couldn’t fill.

All you knew for sure was that this wasn’t what you wanted. The figures to your sides were holding you much too tight, and the woman in front of you was speaking words that were laced with sweet venom, beautifully charismatic but equally as dangerous. The bright liquid in her glass was threatening, filling you with dread. But you had no way out. Whatever she had planned with you was going to unfold, whether you wanted it to or not.

She stepped closer to you, and you caught the scent of her perfume, willowy and smooth, so very different from the must of your cell. With her free hand, she uncorked the glass bottle, sending a  _ pop _ bouncing throughout the room. “You should feel honored,” she mused. “I don’t often perform initiation cleansings personally. But, you’re an exception. I have high hopes for you, little lamb.”

_ Cleansing? Initiation? _

A shiver ran up your spine as you tried to understand the inclination of her words. Something about her words cemented your situation into reality.

You really were stuck.

Your body stiffened as the woman in front of you held the bottle up to you, touching the rim of the opening up to your lips. The glass was cold against your chapped lips, but you didn’t open your mouth immediately, instead opting to stare at the woman with wide eyes. Her gaze was unrelenting, and she refused to offer any further explanation in regards to whatever was about to occur.

What was happening to you? What was she trying to get you to drink?

  
Your stomach was filled to the brim with dread. It mingled together with anxiety to create a fluttering of foreboding unease that screamed at you to not drink anything offered to you, to not trust them, to break away and escape.

But you couldn’t. You were stuck, with no way out, at the mercy of this woman and the drink she was holding up to your mouth.

She watched you closely as if she was looking straight into your mind, reading your thoughts as they flew through your head at light speed. Like she could hear your hesitation, struggling, and slowly approaching submission. Like it pleased her to watch you tremble. To her, you were nothing more than an insect.

You were in some really deep shit.

In just a split second, you dragged your thoughts to a halt. You were completely cornered at the moment.

You would have to give in, if only to have a chance at escaping.

_ Damn it. _

Though every nerve in your body wanted to resist, you forced your lips to part, to accept whatever fate was awaiting you as a result of the unknown drink in this glass.

Your acceptance seemed to please her. With a satisfied smile, she tilted the glass upward, allowing for the liquid inside to fill your mouth.

Immediately, it burned. Your body lurched as you ripped your head away, mouth filling with fire as your cheeks, tongue, and throat burned on contact. A chemical taste followed suit, so strong you could smell it, and the rancid taste reignited your earlier nausea with a vengeance.

Not allowing yourself time to think, you forced yourself to swallow, knowing there was no way in the nine circles of hell that you would spit on the woman in front of you if you wanted to live. As the burning spread through your chest and down your esophagus, you coughed, choked, and sputtered, shivering in the aftermath of your body’s automatic attempts to rip away from the glass, away from your captors, but to no avail. Your eyes filled with tears at the intensity of whatever the hell it was you had just been forced to drink, and you just barely registered her smooth, honey voice speaking again.

“Hold her tighter.”

Immediately, the figures holding onto your arms tightened their grips painfully. “Yes, Savior,” they responded in lifeless unison, hoisting you back up with force. You lifted your head again, prying open teary eyes to look at the woman they referred to as  _ Savior, _ who was looking down at you, malachite eyes filled with something you couldn’t discern.

Disappointment?  _ No, not quite.  _ Anger?  _ Also no. _

The fact that you couldn’t read her only served to increase your anxiety.

“The first taste is always unpleasant,” she remarked, and with her free hand she grasped your chin, using just enough force to coax your mouth back open, “but this is the only way to enter our paradise. I think you’ll find that remedy is always sweetest after you’ve suffered.”

It took everything in you to keep your wits about you, to force yourself not to rip your head out of her grasp, away from the chemical-like drink she was going to give you again. It was impossible to quiet your terror, but you knew there was no way that you were going to get out of this, especially if you gave into the instincts telling you to scream and thrash.

Your head was growing hot, heart punching against your chest in alarm, but you shut your eyes forcefully, bracing yourself for the next barrage of fire and chemical assault.

And boy, did it deliver. 

As the liquid scorched the inside of your mouth once again your body responded with another jerk. With the combined forces of the two men holding you in place and ‘Savior’ gripping your jaw, though, you were unable to pull away. You forced yourself to swallow, becoming quickly overwhelmed by the bitter acidity spreading through your chest and sitting in your otherwise empty stomach. Your muscles were so tense that your neck began to cramp up, sending waves of radiating pain up and down your neck and head, adding to the already pulsating ache you’d been subjected to since waking up.

She was unrelenting, not giving you a second of respite as she tilted the glass further up, continuously filling your mouth with more and more liquid fire. It spilled from your mouth as you struggled to swallow without thinking, trickling down your chin and neck and mingling with the clammy sweat that was beginning to coat your skin. 

Your body was warming up quickly, legs turning to jelly as the assault continued, but you could only think of swallowing, again and again, inviting further pain, just so this could finally stop. You could hear your own sputtering and gulping fill the room, disgusting and pathetic.

It dragged on for too long. By the time she finally lowered the glass, you were completely drained. Your legs had long since given out under you, and the burning of your mouth, tongue, and throat was so prevalent in your mind that you felt the rest of your body beginning to heat up as well. The world was beginning to spin as your body grew lighter, like it was trying to float away. The two men beside you were the only reason you were still upright, as they were still gripping your arms tight enough that the dull ache in your shoulder refused to stop.

_ Please, let this stop. _

A hand brushed some of your fringe out of your sweaty face, and the tenderness of the action brought you to open your teary eyes. Through blurred vision, you could make out her face, glittering green eyes and beautifully pink cheeks framed by a halo of golden hair. She was too much, shining too brightly in the middle of this tiny, morose cell.

“Well done,” she praised, smiling down at you warmly. “As soon as you find peace at the end of your suffering, you will be one of us.”

You didn’t say a word. Your body seemed unwilling to cooperate once again, leaving you unable to protest as you were lowered to the ground once more, left as a shivering, sweaty mess atop the stone floor. The world around you began to fade out once again, and though the idea of being locked away wasn’t pleasant, the disdain was greatly overruled by the relief you felt at finally being left in peace as the trio left, bolting the door shut again.

A whimper fell from your lips, still moistened with whatever it was that you had just been forced to ingest. You were quickly becoming overtaken by sweaty shivering, and you found within you a spurt of energy enough to let you roll yourself onto your side, curling inwards and gripping your arms in a feeble attempt to steady yourself. The world was spinning around you even though you weren’t moving, and every time you tried to focus on something, your nausea increased. Bile rose in your throat, and you were just barely able to keep it from filling your mouth.

If you puked, you were afraid you would choke and suffocate.

The radiating ache in your head was getting worse with each second. You forced your eyes shut again, teeth chattering as you shivered.

What had you just been forced to drink?

You felt small, pathetic, a squirming bug in the corner of your cell, but there was nothing you could do.

More and more miserable with each passing second, you began to slip away once again, this time wondering if you would ever wake back up.

You almost hoped you wouldn’t.

* * *

You couldn’t tell how much time had passed. Your grasp on reality had faded too many times for you to keep track of the world around you. You remembered waking for seconds at a time when your body would lurch and spasm, only to fall back into a sweaty slumber.

You dreamt, vivid and twisted, about your family and friends, the people closest to you that you had lost a long time ago. You dreamt of the cafe you’d loved so much, colors bright and disorienting, fading in and out of focus around you. Your head ached so violently that you felt it even in your dreams, and for a while, it was the only reason you knew you were still alive.

You had been sick countless times throughout your life. You’d had your fair share of run-ins with all kinds of illnesses, flu, and colds, but you had never been this unwell before. 

It felt like this would never pass. Every time you woke up, all you could do was wish to fall back asleep again, so you didn’t have to be fully aware of just how much you were suffering.

You weren’t sure how long it had been when you finally awoke for more than a few seconds again. It started off just as disorienting as every other blip of consciousness that had plagued you since ingesting that drink, but you quickly realized that something was different.

Your stomach was twisting and turning over itself in your gut, sending waves of thick nausea flooding over you repeatedly. You managed to prop yourself up on an arm, but the abrupt movement was accompanied by vertigo so strong that your body was unable to handle the assault. You leaned up a little more, just quick enough for the vomit expelling itself from your body to avoid landing on your person. Gagging, sputtering, and reeling with agony, you were barely able to catch your breath before becoming violently sick once again.

The smell of stomach acid and bitter chemicals combined was enough to provoke more retching until your muscles weakened too much to continue expelling the contents of your stomach. You pushed yourself away from the repulsive mess you had left, flopping onto your back at the other end of your prison. 

You found that you didn’t feel much better. The taste lingering in your mouth was nothing short of vile, and you were covered in a cold sweat, shivering on the ground.

Your eyes eventually fell shut again, and the exhaustion of unknown hours spent drugged and ill pulled you back away from consciousness. You welcomed the brief respite once more.

This time, there were no dreams. Everything was just black.

* * *

You were brought back to reality by a voice reaching you through the fog of your sleep.

Initially, you were too disoriented to make out any words. You registered the speaking as mumbling, but even in your state, you grasped onto a sense of familiarity that the voice carried with it as it broke through the barriers of your exhaustion.

“...poor thing…”

A warmth was pressed against your forehead briefly, then one of your cheeks. You felt a tender brushing of fabric against skin as the person brushed your hair out of your face with gloved hands. The gesture was tender, loving.

You heard a shaky sigh. The world around you was beginning to materialize again, and this time you didn’t have to try so hard to understand the words being spoken above from above you.

“It hurts so much to see you suffering like this…”

You knew this person, you realized.

_ Ray? _

You pried open sticky eyelids and fought to focus your vision on the familiar figure kneeling beside your spot on the floor. Ray was leaning over you, and he looked distressed. His eyebrows were slanted, mouth downturned unhappily as he stared at you, eyes filled with outright misery.

The emotion in his eyes wouldn’t have been so overwhelming if it wasn’t all directed entirely at you. 

The combination of his sage eyes and bright hair caused him to stick out among the darkness of your cell. Something inside you grasped onto the slight familiarity that he offered, desperate for any sort of comfort. You were tired, miserable, and distressed from hours of illness and restless sleep.

“Ah-” Upon meeting your eyes, Ray’s downtrodden expression changed to one of surprise and relief. “You’re finally awake!”

His voice raised in volume, and though the difference was small, it still caused the pulsating ache in your head to increase in intensity. A pathetic groan escaped your lips in response to the pain, but Ray was already speaking again. 

“I’m so glad…” he smiled, mint eyes gentle as they rested on your person, like seeing you awake was a source of immense comfort and relief to him. “I’ve been so worried. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about how much pain you must have been in this whole time. I know I should be working, but I couldn’t stand the thought of you down here alone.”

He was rambling, something he seemed to do often. You didn’t say a word in response to him, still struggling to regain your bearings. The connection between your mind and your body remained weak. You felt weighed down by illness; your mouth was dry, limbs heavy, head aching, stomach queasy. Despite the situation, you kept your eyes locked on Ray as the only solace you would be able to find. It wasn’t much, but his familiarity and genuine concern for you was just enough to keep you grounded.

Anything was better than the woman with malachite eyes and a honey-sweet voice.

Ray glanced around the room quickly, pressing his lips together and furrowing his eyebrows in obvious distaste. “All new Believers spend their initiations here, but I don’t like it. You should never have to be in a place like this.”

After turning back to you, Ray looked you up and down, face still twisted into a grimace. Were you in any better state, you might have been embarrassed for anyone to see you this pathetic and sick, but you couldn’t find it in you to care.

You’d lost your right to that a long time ago. The second you’d accepted an invitation from a stalker, you’d opened yourself up to the possibility of things turning out like this. You were tired, miserable, drugged, but it was your fault. Even with your head this clouded, that fact remained.

“I want to move you to your room,” Ray told you. “I know it’s hard to move after taking the elixir, but I’m not going to leave you here. I don’t want to be away from you any longer. I can’t take it.”

You didn’t feel ecstatic about the prospect of moving, but it didn’t seem like he was giving you much of a choice in the matter. It almost felt like he was speaking to himself more than he was to you, so you weren’t sure if giving your consent mattered. You responded with a non-committal nod anyways.

Ray took hold of your arms and pulled you up slowly. Immediately, you were overcome by vertigo as a result of the movement. A few strands of hair fell into your face, which was still coated by a thin sheen of sweat. You felt more than gross, but Ray didn’t seem to care. Once you were sitting up, he moved to wrap one arm around your back, holding onto your side, and gently coaxed you up onto your feet.

He was patient with you, allowing you to slowly try to find your own footing despite the obvious weakness in your heavy limbs. You were pressed into his side, leaning on him considerably, and you deliberately avoided looking up at his face.

Relying on people had never been your strong suit, and though the current state of your body would have left you completely unable to walk on your own, you still had the wherewithal to feel awkward and self-conscious. You had never been a particularly touchy person, but Ray didn’t seem to share that trait, if the tightening of his hold on you was anything to go by.

Ray let out a content sigh, and you could practically hear his smile through his voice. “This feels like a dream…” he sounded content, dreamy. “Holding you so close, after so long… I never want to let go of you. I’m so glad you’re finally here, by my side.”

You were barely registering his words at this point. As uncomfortable as they were, you found yourself focusing what little brain-power you had on remaining upright and successfully moving one foot in front of the other as you were guided out of your cell. You hadn’t been standing long, and you already wanted nothing more than to lay back down and waste away. Moving was too much of a hassle; it just made you feel worse.

The hallway seemed infinitely long to you, lined with a disconcerting amount of cells. You forced yourself not to dwell on the implications of this mini-penitentiary by averting your eyes to the ground and focusing on your dirty, worn shoes instead.

The walk was long and arduous. You weren’t sure you were completely ready for the trek, but Ray gripped you tightly, pulling you along the entire way. Once you had left the darkness of the windowless stone walls of your place of confinement, you found yourself in a completely different world.

If it wasn’t nighttime, you were sure you would have been blinded by the white walls and floors of wherever you had ended up. You could only imagine how bright it would be with the sun shining, the light glittering off the bright interior. There were very few other people, but the ones you saw were clad in the same robes as the figures that had held you in place before. A thick dosage of anxiety reignited itself in the pit of your stomach as soon as you saw those robes again and, mixed with the general feeling of illness that was still swirling in your body, you found yourself unable to spend much time collecting more details about your surroundings. You didn’t really want to know anything else.

You didn’t want to be here. You didn’t want to stay long enough for any information about this place to be important. 

It was too much. You weren’t ready for this; the movement, the people, the air. The longer you stayed awake, the more you focused on your situation, and your anxiety only increased. You wanted to lay back down, to fall back asleep so the assault upon your body and mind would stop again.

How could this place be a paradise? How could anything about what was being done to you be a good thing?

“We’re almost there,” Ray’s voice pulled you out of your spiraling panic, and you found yourself grateful for his rambling. “I’ve been making preparations for such a long time. I really hope you’ll like it. I got this all ready with you in mind.”

His hold on you, which had been steadily growing tighter throughout the duration of your expedition, was becoming too tight. For reasons you couldn’t discern, it was suddenly hard to breathe. You felt suffocated. 

You rounded a corner and approached a door. Ray swiped a card through a reader, and you heard a click before he pushed the door open. The room he led you into was dark, but by that point, you were too exhausted to spend any time surveying your environment anymore. You weren’t sure if you really wanted to know. Slowly, he led you through one last door into another dark room. Your eyes locked upon a bed, and the relief you felt at being settled into the mattress was immeasurable. After spending all of your recent trips into dreamland on park benches and prison floors, you felt like you were settling into a cloud as you were laid down atop the blankets.

You were sicker than you’d ever been in your life, but being surrounded by blankets and pillows brought you some comfort, and at the moment, that was good enough.

Your eyes slid shut almost immediately, welcoming the rapidly approaching arms of sleep, and for the first time in a long time, your misery didn’t feel as daunting.

You barely registered Ray’s low chuckle.

“Sleep well, my angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I downloaded the 707 desktop buddy from Shimeji, and the entire time I was proofreading this chapter they were distracting me, so I hope I didn't miss anything major.  
> Anyways, I was really excited about writing this chapter. I didn't want to be overly graphic, but I felt like it was important to understand some of the Reader's misery. I read about some of the specific effects of the elixir on the Mint Eye page of the MysMes Wiki because I wanted to keep this as accurate as possible. I also know that this chapter jumped around quite a bit. Given the nature of the Reader's current state, I hope it's understandable why this chapter was a bit scrambled. Next chapter will definitely have more plot-pertaining information because I do plan for this fic to be a wild ride. So get ready for that!  
> In terms of updates, I don't really have a schedule worked out just yet, so for now I'll probably be updating every few days, depending on what's happening in my life. Thanks so much to everyone who left Kudos on my last chapter! I got all warm and fuzzy whenever I would get an email about it. I appreciate you all very much, and I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations. I always value any feedback, be it through Kudos or comments, so if you leave any of the two, it'll make my day. I'd love to know what any readers are thinking.  
> I hope you all are well! Take care, especially those of you who are also in the US. Seems like COVID numbers are on the rise again, so I hope everyone and their loved ones are safe and healthy. :)


	3. Making a Broken Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you lie your way through difficult situations and uncomfortable emotions, beginning the digging of a very deep hole.

You hadn’t slept so hard in a long time.

Your rest was long, deep, dreamless. You didn’t wake up once for the first time in weeks. Whether it was because you were finally in a bed or because you had been thoroughly exhausted by repeated druggings was beyond you and, in the moment, you didn’t really care. You had longed for a break from your life for such a long time, and had reached the point where you didn’t care how it came to you.

Though, to be frank, nobody really  _ expects _ to be drugged once, then twice, and to then writhe on the floor of a small, musty prison cell with a pool of vomit in the corner. If you had known, you would have found a different way to rest. 

When you finally started to come to again, you felt like you were being dragged out of the depths of the world. Your body felt extremely heavy, and it didn’t take you long to register the faint pounding of your head and waves of nausea following your return to the world of the living. 

You were on your side, curled up underneath blankets that had been meticulously tucked around your body. Your room was dark, you realized as you opened your eyes, and there were no windows, leaving you wondering what time it was and how long you had been asleep. Your system had been so confused after the repeated druggings and bouts of illness that it could have been anywhere between a few hours and a few days since you’d met Ray in the coffee shop. The memory felt like it was a lifetime away. You had been in a different world, suspended in a limbo that left you disconnected from the passing of time.

You brought a hand up to rub your temples and sat up slowly, as if to gauge your response to the proposed motion. You felt slightly more at ease when the movement didn’t cause you to spew vomit again as it had before, but you still gave yourself a moment to adjust to the new position. The blankets fell from your shoulders, exposing your arms to the cool air of your room. The slight chill helped you to wake up a little more.

There was a low hum in the air, you realized. Trying to discern where the noise was coming from led you to notice a door in the wall parallel to your bed. The door was cracked open, and a dim, blue light shone in from the other room. You strained your ears to focus on the hum for a little while, but it wasn’t until you heard typing that you realized what you were listening to.

_ Computers. _

You took a few seconds to look around the rest of the small room. There were nightstands on either side of your bed, both of which held a vase with an arrangement of red roses and baby’s breath arranged delicately. Pretty as it was, you briefly wondered how the flowers were supposed to survive without sunlight. Against the back wall stood a wardrobe, but other than that, the room was bare. Though the room was sparsely decorated, the items within seemed to be placed in their locations with great care, like everything was there for a reason. It wouldn’t have felt so suffocating if it weren’t for the complete lack of windows and natural lighting.

You made the decision to quietly push yourself off of the bed, leaving the warmth of the blankets behind. It was your first time standing without assistance, and though your muscles still felt considerably weakened, you were able to remain upright without much trouble. Quietly, you moved toward the slightly opened door to peer through the gap. It was your intention to try to gather information about this place without alerting anyone to your awakening.

You weren’t able to see a large portion of the other room from your current angle, but you did immediately take note of the obscene amount of monitors. There were a few standing upright on a desk, but considerably more were mounted on the walls, angled toward the center of the desk. They emitted dim, blue lighting that exacerbated your headache slightly by irritating your tired eyes. The screens that you could see displayed lines of what looked to be computer coding. 

Looking down from the monitors allowed you to just barely catch sight of gloved hands typing on a keyboard on the desk, fingers flying at the speed of light. Other than the hum of machinery, the typing was the only noise to fill the room. Just by the gloves, you could tell who was hard at work. 

You pulled back for a second and surveyed the walls of your room once more, feeling slightly dejected at the fact that you seemed to have no other options than to alert him of your presence sooner or later.

Though you had initially come here willingly, you found that you now carried significant reservations about staying in this place. The drugging, of course, you definitely had issues with, but that aside, you were able to pick out pieces of your fractured memories that gave you some clue as to what this place was.

Robed figures, dark holding cells, vague and unrealistic descriptions of a paradise, and a woman referred to simply as ‘Savior’- it was beyond obvious that one of your initial suspicions about this place had been correct. 

You were in a cult.

A shiver ran down your spine, and your flesh erupted in goosebumps. You couldn’t stop berating yourself for your previous stupidity in allowing yourself to be brought to a place like this. You had known that you were taking a massive risk, but had given into the promise of happiness that you had been lacking for so long. It was frustrating to think back on your desperation. There had to have been other options.

You couldn’t  _ believe _ you had let something like this happen to you.

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

Absentmindedly picking at your cuticles, your eyebrows creased together in a deep frown as you tried to think. You knew that you had to get out of here. But how?

You had no idea where you were, both in terms of this building’s layout and in relative distance to the city. You may as well have been in a no man’s land, removed from the rest of society, and left to find your own way out.

You had been alone for a long time, but this was completely different. You hadn’t been here long, but you could tell that the rules were backward from those that you had known all of your life. How were you supposed to navigate a place like this all on your own?

The typing in the adjacent room stopped for a second, and the sudden silence brought you back to the present. You went still, leaning away from the gap between the door and doorframe. You didn’t want Ray to know you were awake just yet.

You wanted to do this on your own terms. At least, as much as you could.

The typing resumed a few seconds later, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. You glanced back at the door, biting your bottom lip with apprehension. You knew you would have to go in eventually, and there was no better time than the present.

Besides, you  _ really _ had to pee. 

You took a deep breath, held it for a second, and imagined all of your anxiety leaving as you exhaled. It didn’t work at all, if the fluttering of nerves in your stomach was anything to go by, but you didn’t leave yourself much time to dwell on that for too long. Before you could change your mind, you forced yourself to move and pushed the door open gently, peeking your head through into the other room.

Immediately, your eyes landed on Ray, slouched in a desk chair, focused on one of the many monitors in front of him. His eyebrows were creased together in concentration. The blue light from the monitor made his already pale skin seem paler, and you took notice of the dark bags under his eyes. You couldn’t help wondering if he had ever slept a wink in his life; he looked about at exhausted as you currently felt.

It didn’t take him long at all to notice your presence, and he perked up considerably as his mint eyes locked onto you. Whatever he was doing with the computer seemed to instantly fly out of his mind, and his face brightened up with a smile, your name falling from his lips.

“You’re finally awake!” he exclaimed and stood up to open the door the rest of the way. You let go of the doorknob as he did, suddenly feeling exposed without the slab of wood separating you from him. Ray pressed the back of one of his hands against your forehead before asking you, “How do you feel?”

Your lips parted, taken aback by his sudden proximity, but you kept yourself together. After meeting the woman who seemed to be the leader of this place, you found that you were much warier of Ray now than you had been upon initially meeting him.

Until you knew more about him, about this place, you decided that you couldn’t risk letting your guard down around him. Even without the possibility of him being a member of some sort of cult, you found that he was rather touchy with you, as if the societal rules concerning personal space didn’t matter. Something about the way he behaved unsettled you deeply. You would definitely need to find out what exactly was going on here, and what role you were meant to play in this place.

But, maybe you should answer his question first.

“Um- I’m okay,” you responded, though your voice was somewhat hoarse, scratching your dry throat. “Better, that is.”

Ray seemed to be filled with energy. Immediately after hearing your response he turned back to his desk and grabbed a bottle of water, which he handed to you. “I’m glad,” he spoke at the same time, words rushed like his head was jumping from one thought to the next. “I was worried. I didn’t want you to have to take the elixir, but it’s a part of your initiation. It hurts a lot when I take it, too.”

_ Elixir? _

You held the water bottle, letting the chill of the plastic cool down your hands. After your last experience accepting a water bottle from Ray, though, you weren’t exactly itching to give drinking it another shot. You let the bottle rest in your hands, hoping that he wouldn’t notice that you weren’t planning on drinking it.

Fat chance, apparently.

“You should drink some water,” he said. “You’ve been asleep for a long time.”

Finally mustering up the courage to speak, you met Ray’s eyes. “It’s not drugged?” You asked. The plastic of the bottle crinkled under your fingers as your grip tightened slightly, an unconscious response to remembering the panic you’d felt as your body had slipped away back then.

_ Never again. _ You never wanted to feel the terror of your body failing ever again.

As if finally understanding your reluctance, Ray’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. “No! No, it’s not. I promise.”

He seemed genuine enough, but you still weren’t sure. You had just woken up, and you really didn’t want to go back to hours upon hours of disorientation and illness. You lowered your eyes to the bottle. The water within was tinged blue due to the light of the monitors. It called out to you, offering to soothe your irritated throat, but it was hard to shake your hesitation.

Gloved hands covered your own. Ray was gentle, just barely touching you, but you could feel the warmth of his hands through the fabric of his gloves. Taken aback by the sudden contact, you looked back up quickly to meet his gaze once more.

“I’m sorry.” His apology was as sincere as the regret in his eyes, and it took you by surprise. “I didn’t want to do that. But you couldn’t know the way there, and it was the easiest way to get you to the initiation rooms. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please understand. I would never hurt you.”

You were still for a few seconds before nodding in response, if only to get him to release your hands. Your approval seemed to be enough to put Ray at ease, and some of the shame, written so clearly across his face, dissipated a little. He let go of your hands, allowing you to twist the cap off of the water bottle, noting the snapping of the seal attached to the cap, and took a drink.

The hydration really did wonders. Even if it was only a little, as your stomach seemed rather easy to upset, your dry mouth and scratchy throat welcomed the water with open arms.

Ray appeared pleased by your drinking of the water if the intensity of his eyes on you was anything to go by. You tried not to pay him too much mind, looking instead at the computer monitors in an attempt to distract yourself. He continued to stare at you and you struggled to ignore the discomfort pooling in your gut. Either this guy had no experience with basic social etiquette, or he just didn’t care. You wished you could look into his head for just a few minutes. You had a lot of questions, many of which you didn’t think would get a straight answer if you asked them aloud.

Once the blatant staring became a bit too much for you to continue ignoring, you pointedly met his gaze, lips pressed together in a subtle attempt to convey your unease. Upon locking eyes with yours, Ray’s cheeks quickly turned bright red, as did the tips of his ears, and a bashful smile crossed his lips.

“Ah- sorry, you caught me,” he chuckled, but he didn’t avert his eyes, leading you to doubt that he was really sorry. “I can’t help staring. You’re finally here, in front of me. You can’t imagine how many times I’ve thought of this; of taking you here, keeping you to myself. The Savior has allowed me to bring you here to work by my side. I... don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy before.”

“Work?” You echoed. “What am I going to do here?”

It was easier for you to ignore the rest of his rambling by redirecting the conversation toward something else. You weren’t sure you could handle listening to Ray talk about you in such an intimate matter for too long. You didn’t know him and, more importantly, you didn’t know how much he knew about you. He seemed extremely dedicated for someone who had only just contacted you a handful of days prior.

Thinking of that made you feel queasy, so you pushed your questions aside.

“You’re going to be my assistant,” he seemed rather proud of himself. “I’m in charge of security and of the app that I told you about when we first spoke. You’ll help me.”

You nodded, intent on keeping the conversation going. “Am I still going to play your game, then?”

Your question caused his expression to sour almost immediately. You tensed at his sudden shift in mood, immediately berating yourself for asking such a question. You didn’t know a thing about this man; the person who’d been stalking you for who knows how long. You couldn’t risk saying the wrong thing and making him angry.

_ Stupid, stupid. Keep your mouth shut. _

“No,” Ray’s voice was harsh when he answered. “There’s no need. I can find someone else for that. If you fall in love with an AI, I won’t like it.”

Your thoughts came to a standstill for just a second.

You hadn’t expected that. A chill ran up your spine and you stifled the shiver that attempted to follow.

  
“Oh… okay,” you said simply, picking absentmindedly at the paper label wrapped around your water bottle. You decided it was likely in your best interest to say something to appease him, so you tried to offer a shaky smile. “I’m sure that’s for the best, then.”

Ray visibly relaxed, and you took that as a job well done. Before he could take control of the conversation again, though, you managed to speak up.

“Um- but, before we talk too much business, could you show me where the bathroom is?” You tacked a hasty “please,” onto the end of your request.

Asking for permission to use the bathroom reminded you of your school days.

If you’d gone to school in a cult, that is.

* * *

It wasn’t much, but being allowed to freshen up brought some semblance of life back into you. You had been appalled when you got a look at yourself in the mirror. Your skin had lost a significant amount of its color, leaving your face looking flat and lifeless. Despite the amount of sleep you’d gotten, your eyes were red-rimmed and slightly swollen. You looked like how you felt; worn-down and sick. Your hair was nothing short of a mess, greasy and filled with snags and snarls. 

You supposed it wasn’t too surprising, though, given what you’d gone through recently. You were just glad to have access to a private bathroom. Cleaning yourself up in one of the communal bathrooms would have been more embarrassment than you’d signed up for.

Upon initially leaving Ray’s room, you found yourself in a different world. The white walls and floors were submerged in sunlight, which they reflected back onto you. Your eyes were used to the darkness, and it hurt slightly to get used to the brightness of the halls. It was at least midday, and you were shocked to find out just how many people seemed to live here. They all looked the same to you, clad in their dark robes with the hoods pulled up, and you knew that even if you weren’t already a greasy mess, you would have stuck out like a sore thumb. They all made way for Ray as he led you through the halls, leaving you to wonder what his role was in this place. You had already figured that he wasn’t a typical member of this cult just by his way of dress and how it differed from the typical robes. But the way the small crowds of people parted for him only confirmed your deductions.

You didn’t trust any of these people. They all made you feel incredibly uneasy. In the daylight, it was easier to see their faces, but that allowed you access to details you wished you hadn’t noticed. Their eyes all looked incredibly lifeless. Their movements reflected a similar disposition; they hardly spoke, and when they did, they often repeated the same phrase.

_ “For eternal paradise.” _

It was hard for you to fight the shudder that you’d initially felt when hearing that. Coupled with their dull eyes and apathetic behavior, that phrase evoked a discomfort deep in your stomach. How could these halls, so bright and beautiful, be filled with such apathetic, spiritless people? The juxtaposition was astonishing.

How could you have gotten yourself trapped in a place like this?

As soon as you’d been given privacy in the bathroom, you felt the weight of your actions descend on your shoulders once more. You had a track record of making stupid decisions, but nothing would ever top this.

“Stupid,” you whispered, tightening your grip on the counter as you glared at your reflection in the mirror. “You should have known better.”

You got the feeling that it would be much harder to get out of this place than it had been to enter. As you went through the process of washing up, you tried to focus your thoughts on what to do next. How would you even begin trying to escape? It would be simple enough to just make a break for the door, but there were multiple problems with that plan, mainly that you had no idea where the exit was. And, even if you did find it, where would you go from there? You didn’t know how far from the city you were, and your phone and other personal belongings had mysteriously gone missing.

Physically, you had started to feel better once you were cleaned up. The taste of vomit was  _ finally _ gone, and you looked and felt much less like you had just spent a few days drugged and homeless. The scent of shampoo and body wash was somewhat soothing, as well. Mentally, though, you remained at a loss.

You couldn’t make any concrete plans just yet. You needed to know more details about this place, the woman who ran it, and Ray, who deemed deadset on keeping you trapped here. Your mint-eyed captor had already expressed his desire to douse you in constant attention, so it would be more than difficult to scheme with him keeping an eye on you. And, if his hacking of your electronics and silent stalking was anything to go by, Ray was far from stupid. Escape wasn’t looking like it was going to be a goal you could obtain in a short amount of time. It would take effort, and you would have to outsmart your captors.

Pulling on the fresh clothes you’d been provided with- you decided not to focus too much on how and why Ray happened to have clothing in your size- you had to fight so as to not to give in to the hopelessness that was beginning to plague you.

As of right now, you were completely stuck. If that wasn’t frustrating enough, it was  _ you _ who’d put yourself in this situation. You’d let yourself get taken advantage of when all of the warning signs were loud and impossible to ignore. The alarms had been a bright red, blaring around you in all directions, but you’d closed your eyes, covered your ears, and allowed a stranger to whisk you away. 

The apathy you’d felt as your monotonous life had fallen apart, even when you’d lost your apartment, was nothing compared to this. The mixture of regret and dread was bone-chilling and was tormenting you constantly. You had thought your life to be hopeless then, but it was now that you truly felt lost.

Even after you were dressed, you stood silently in the bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were unfocused, though, mind deep in thought. You didn’t want to go back out yet. Your time spent in the bathroom was the only peace you’d gotten since arriving here. There weren’t any eyes on you, nobody was expecting anything, and you didn’t have to hold yourself back from reacting true to how you felt. You weren’t ready to feel so suffocated again. You weren’t sure you would ever be prepared to face the world waiting for you outside of that wooden door.

You were reminded that you didn’t have a choice when a few short knocks sounded against the door, pulling you out of your daze.

Ray called your name out. “Are you almost finished?” He asked, and you bit back a curse of annoyance.

“Hold on,” you called back, before gathering your clothes and towel and discarding them in the hamper by the door. After bidding your moments of peace a silent farewell, you twisted the knob and opened the door to reveal Ray. He smiled upon seeing you once again, cheeks going pink. He stepped forward and took a closer look at you, clearly pleased. His inspection was uncomfortable, to say the least, but you stood still and said nothing.

“You look really pretty,” he said, words rather bashful in comparison to his actions. “It was my first time picking out clothes with somebody else in mind… I hope you like them.”

Ray had picked out clothes for you, too?  _ Figures. _

He seemed to like softer, feminine clothes if the skirt and blouse you were wearing were anything to go by. They were comfortable, sure, but you hadn’t dressed like this in a considerable amount of time. You wondered again how long he’d been stalking you for. 

Still, if only to be polite, you nodded your head. “Yeah. They’re nice.”

Ray’s smile grew upon hearing your compliment. As if suddenly given a boost of courage, he reached over and took one of your hands in a tight grip before turning around. With you in tow, he began the trek back to his hideout. Like earlier, you avoided the eyes of the robed figures- Ray had called them Believers at some point- and tried to appreciate your last few moments of sunlight.

You hadn’t really noticed just how dark and cramped Ray’s room was until you’d been allowed out. There were no windows, the walls and flooring were dark, and the only decorations were the many computer monitors. They were always on, bathing the room in a constant blueish hue. You wondered if the lack of sunlight was the reason why Ray was so pale.

Once the door clicked shut behind you, Ray pulled you toward the desk before releasing your hand and taking a seat in his chair. You noticed that another chair had been added to the room and, assuming it was probably meant for you, you sat down, wringing your hands together on your lap.

As uncomfortable as it was to be around the Believers, you were just as uncomfortable when alone with Ray in this small space. He was already rather overbearing, though whether he was touchy and clingy with everyone or just with you was yet to be determined. But, when you were stuck in this bunker with him, you had no means of finding even a minute of peace.

“I spoke with the Savior,” Ray began, and his mention of that woman garnered your immediate interest, “she thinks you show promise.”

He spoke about her with a smile, as if her approval of you meant the world. And you supposed, considering she seemed to be the leader of this place, it likely did mean the world. Or, at the very least, her approval was the difference between life and death for you. 

You weren’t quite sure what part of your interaction with the Savior won her approval. All you could remember was a debilitating fear and choking on the mint-green liquid she had forced down your throat. But, if that was good enough for her, you weren’t going to complain. 

“That’s good,” you responded, playing absentmindedly with the hems of your sleeves. You didn’t really welcome the idea of speaking about the Savior, though, so you tried to direct the conversation to a topic more useful to you. “But I don’t really understand much about this place. Where are we?”

_ Please, tell me something I can use. _

“We are Mint Eye,” Ray launched into an explanation, “and this place is Magenta- paradise. Savior founded this place by herself, to provide a safe haven for weak people who have been tossed aside by the world.”

Emotions flew through Ray’s gaze as he spoke, and you couldn’t help wondering how long he had been a part of Mint Eye for him to believe so whole-heartedly in what he was saying.

“The strong live by their own rules in the outside world,” he continued, “and we live by ours here. Savior gives us a place where we can live safely, happily, without being trampled under the feet of those in the outside world. We wouldn’t be able to stand on our own if it weren’t for her.”

_ So, yes, _ you thought,  _ this place is definitely a cult. _ And the woman with golden hair was the mastermind behind it all.

“I see,” you tried not to let unease bleed into your voice. “Then, why did you choose to bring me here?”

Ray shot you a smile, cheeks pink, like he was reminiscing about something close to his heart. “Initially, I chose you to test out the app. I could tell you were like us; suffering through pain you didn’t deserve. And I really like you. Even when you said no, that didn’t change. I still wanted to bring you here to experience true happiness- with me. I convinced Savior to let me use you as my assistant instead.”

This conversation had only proved your suspicions about the nature of this place. It was sketchy, if not outright illegal, and you weren’t sure you wanted to know any more of the nitty-gritty details pertaining to druggings and faux religion. With that in mind, you steered the topic toward the role you were expected to fulfill during your stay. “So then, what exactly am I going to be doing here?”

“You’ll be helping me,” Ray sounded rather pleased as he gave you the rundown. “As I said earlier, I’m in charge of security and developing the app. Most of my work is done on the computer, in here. Do you know how to code?”

You honestly couldn’t remember the last time you’d owned any electronics other than your phone. You answered his question by shaking your head.

“Then I’ll teach you that first,” Ray grabbed a laptop from one end of the desk and set it in front of you, opening it up. The screen lit up, proudly displaying its desktop. The background was a photo of some sort of logo. It was an eye, simply designed with black and mint lines. The pupil itself was mint, and above the upper lid were the words  _ Mint Eye. _

They certainly had a theme going. You couldn’t help wondering how you’d never heard of this place before. From what you’d gathered about the large, extravagant building and the number of electronics in this room alone, this cult had to have rather large funding.

How could there have been anyone who would fund a place that condoned stalking and hacking, and allowed for the routine drugging of its members?

It didn’t make any sense to you.

Next to you, Ray jumped into a long explanation pertaining to programming and coding, and you forced yourself to redirect your attention to his words. You would have to find time to try and understand this place later.

* * *

It was surprising to you that Ray, who had always been gentle with you up to this point, was such a demanding teacher. 

The day dragged on. You were nowhere near good at coding. Your understanding of computers proved itself to be extremely lacking, and your head had started to ache early on in the process. You had started off with cautious confidence; if so many people coded every single day, how hard could it be?

You soon found that your brain just wasn’t wired for programming. Coding was too delicate, too intricate, and you struggled to make sense of even the fundamentals. You quickly grew tired, eyes becoming sore after being focused on a screen for such a large portion of the day. Ray, an expert in his field, had high expectations of you and expressed his disappointment in your failures much more directly than you’d expected him to.

“Huh?” He’d sounded exasperated. A frown crossed his face and, for the first time, he looked genuinely annoyed. “I told you to look at the data carefully.”

You clenched your jaw and looked away from him, frowning back at the laptop screen. You were frustrated, sure, but for the first time, you also found yourself feeling genuinely afraid in his presence. Feeling suffocated by him was one thing. As much as you didn’t understand his doting on you, and as much as it made you uncomfortable, it was still safe. Predictable. But making the one person who had total control over your life angry was completely different.

You had only been around Ray for a day. You still didn’t know him at all. Every time you did or said anything, you were gambling. And you felt as if your luck was starting to run dry.

“We can’t beat the redhead with this,” he’d snapped at another mistake, the frown etching itself deeper into his face.

You fought to keep your breathing somewhat stable as your anxiety rose. You couldn’t focus on the implications of his words anymore, too desperate to just stop messing up. The numbers in the bottom left corner of the screen indicated that it was already late into the night. You were genuinely putting forth effort, trying to force yourself to be good at this. But none of it made sense to you. The data was confusing, and your continued failures only made you more hesitant to keep trying. As your desperation increased, so did your mistakes.

You felt your face heat up, fingers beginning to tremble atop the keyboard.

If you couldn’t be good at the one thing that you were brought here to do, where would that leave you? What would happen to you if you disappointed that woman with the deep green eyes?

Would you be forced to drink more of that elixir? Or worse?

Your thoughts were beginning to run wild. Your fingers began to tingle as if they were falling asleep, and you felt removed from your body. Fear must have been plastered across your face, and it didn’t take long for Ray to notice.

“What’s with that look?” At Ray’s words, you looked up to see that he was looking at you instead of the laptop. His demeanor was hard to read; his eyebrows were furrowed but his eyes were filled with apprehension. He reached out a hand and, without thinking, you immediately recoiled from his touch.

_ Shit. _ Ray froze, eyes boring into yours as his hand remained suspended midair. After a few seconds, he lowered his arm, his gaze increasing in intensity and locking you in place.

“Are you… You aren’t thinking of leaving me, are you?”

Immediately upon processing Ray’s words, a whirlwind of complicated emotions ignited within you. You were frustrated as much as you had been anxious, and it took all of the willpower you had not to lash out like a cornered animal.

He couldn’t be serious. How could you possibly leave? You didn’t have a single say in what was happening to you. The second you had gotten into his car, your right to choose was evoked. Did he think that you enjoyed being trapped here, with a crazy religious zealot forcing drugs down your throat until you vomited on yourself?

Did he think you  _ wanted _ this?

You felt like you were being jerked around.

“No- forget what I said,” Ray cut himself back off and brought a gloved hand up to rub at his temples, but his movements and words seemed shakier than before. “I didn’t mean it.”

Your eyes remained on him, and you soon noticed the moisture gathering in his eyes.

Was it just the lights from the computer screens, or was Ray actually tearing up?

“Just- stay by my side, okay? Please,” he prompted suddenly, turning back toward you. His hands were shaky as they encased your own in a tight hold, this time moving too quickly for you to pull away as you had earlier. Ray suddenly sounded desperate as he spoke again, this time much softer as if trying to appease you. “You don’t have to be good at any of this, just stay with me.”

The moisture in Ray’s eyes, which had continued to gather, spilled over, dripping down his cheeks as his grip tightened again, this time almost painfully. You were more than taken aback by his sudden vulnerability. The way he kept jumping back and forth, from content to anger to anguished, left you feeling distressed. He was staring directly into your eyes, desperate and pleading. Something about his words seemed so sorrowful that it ignited confusion within your chest.

It was quickly becoming overwhelming. This was too much for you.

“Be by my side forever, I’m begging you,” his quivering and pleading didn’t stop. It was unrelenting, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.

You didn’t have a clue about what to say. Ray’s mint eyes stared directly into you, teary and desperate, and it was too much for you to handle. You remained motionless, still stunned at his sudden change in temperament.

What were you supposed to do?  _ What does he want from me? _

“I’m sorry,” your voice flew from your mouth, forced, as you tried desperately to regain your footing. “I’m not good at it. I’m really trying.”

Ray shook his head, and another round of tears rolled down his cheeks. He looked so pitiful that even you were lost, with no idea how to comfort him.

Hadn’t he been the one who stalked and drugged you? Why were  _ you _ supposed to comfort  _ him _ ? What part of this made any sense?

“No, no. It’s okay. You don’t have to do this. The Savior won’t know,” he insisted. “I can do everything, as long as you stay with me. So please don’t leave me.”

Ray’s shoulders trembled, his voice thick with emotion. The way he was sitting in front of you, teary-eyed, begging you not to leave him only made you more confused. It was at that moment that you realized you actually felt bad for him. You hated the idea of lying to him when he was this vulnerable. You hardly knew him at all but here he was, pouring his heart out to  _ you _ of all people, and trusting that you would do right by him.

You empathized because you could understand his pain and loneliness, in your own way. You remembered the nights spent on the floor of your crummy bathroom, lined with panic-attacks, filled to the brim with isolation, so dark and consuming that you could hardly breathe. You knew what it was like to search in the wrong places for the comfort you craved so much. You were too familiar with the terror that came along with losing the only things that kept you grounded, and you knew what happened once everything eventually slipped away.

You didn’t know Ray at all, but you related so heavily to the pain he was showing you that it hurt to lie to him. But you had to. You had to gain his trust, even if all you were going to do was break it once you could safely do so.

You had always made shitty choices. You were an amalgamation of self-pity and broken promises. You should have been used to this. So why was it so hard for you this time?

_ I’m sorry. I don’t have a choice. _

You gathered all of your resolves and forced a smile to your face, strained and uncomfortable.

“I won’t,” you said. Two short words, a vow you had no intentions of keeping.

You felt even worse upon witnessing how much those two words brought him comfort. The tension in Ray’s shoulders lessened considerably and he slumped forward a little and lowered his head, a watery sigh escaping from his lips. He was still holding your hands tightly, and you could feel the trembling of his fingers against your skin.

You hated yourself for a lot of reasons. For getting yourself in this situation, for lying to Ray, and for feeling bad about lying. It would have been so much easier if you didn’t care at all.

Why did you have to care this time? Was it because you saw yourself in him?

Minutes passed in silence while Ray sat slumped forward, holding onto your hands like a lifeline. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything, despite feeling absolutely suffocated by the quiet that filled the room. It dragged on for much too long, but something about the silence and physical contact seemed to bring Ray great comfort as he remained still, breathing slowly becoming more steady.

Eventually, Ray lifted his head again. His face was slightly blotchy from crying, but the tears themselves seemed to have stopped. His eyes met yours with genuine affection, and though he smiled at you, it was different from the smiles he’d been giving you throughout the day. Genuine, but fatigued.

“Thank you,” he finally spoke. “But… you should sleep. It’s late and I don’t want you to see me this way. I don’t want you to hate me.”

The idea of taking a break from everything was more than enticing to you. So you accepted his proposal without any argument.

“Okay. I’ll do that, then.”

Ray gave your hands one last squeeze before finally letting go. The air seemed colder on your skin than it had before, you noticed. You stood up from your chair, which your spine seemed to greatly appreciate, and took the few steps toward the door to the bedroom before stopping. You turned back to Ray, whose eyes were still locked on you.

It wasn’t your place to comfort him. Even if he confided in you so easily, even if he seemed to trust you immensely, you would be lying. To offer him any more consolation would make you a worse person than you already were. But, seeing your own pain in somebody else evoked empathy in you that was hard to ignore. It was that same pain that had cost you everything, from your family and friends to your job and apartment. That same pain led you to accept Ray’s offer of paradise back in the cafe. 

But it was wrong. Especially since you weren’t planning on staying in this cult any longer than you absolutely had to. You couldn’t afford to let yourself care for somebody you would be leaving behind.

So, you kept your own emotions locked inside and settled on a simple, “good night.”

It seemed to be enough for him, though. His smile from earlier had faded, but it returned at hearing your words.

“Sweet dreams,” his response held all of the sincerity in the world.

You didn’t say anything else before retreating into the bedroom and closing the door behind you.

For the first time in hours, you finally felt like you were truly alone. Your eyes were already somewhat accustomed to the dark, so it wasn’t too difficult to find your way back to the bed. You sat on the mattress and fought the urge to let out a heavy sigh, lest you be heard by Ray and prompt his anxiety to return. Falling onto your back, your eyes stared up at the dark ceiling, not really focusing on anything as your mind began to wander.

This was nothing short of a clusterfuck. Your head ached dully, and you brought a hand up to rest on your forehead. You knew that feeling empathetic toward your stalker was a dangerous decision. You were already walking a fine line as it was, creeping around in the shadows of a cult in hopes of finding an exit. But you knew that staying on Ray’s good side was likely the safest option for you.

A shudder danced up your spine at the thought of the Savior and the drug she’d forced you to drink.

Yeah, you’d take your chances with Ray. Even if you were left as a lying snake in the shadows, taking advantage of his vulnerability. Even if it made you a worse person than you already were.

You didn’t have any other choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter wasn't too boring! The beginning of this story might seem as if it's starting off pretty slow, but everything in here carries some sort of importance. I have a lot planned for the plot of this fic, and I'm trying to set the stage so that I can tell the story the way that I see it in my head. I tried pretty hard to highlight Ray's instability and the conflicts facing the Reader, both internal and external, all the while setting things in motion for the main plot of the story. This is just the beginning!  
> I tried really hard to portray Ray in a certain way, so I hope that I stuck to his character well enough! I'm really enjoying writing this fic, the process itself is really fun and I'm excited about being able to share it here! That being said, a big thank you to everyone who took the time to give kudos and leave a comment. When I say that it makes my day, I'm not kidding! I saw the email that I'd gotten a comment and felt giddy all day. It's the nicest feeling that somebody's enjoying my writing. I treasure every word said to me! So, if you have any thoughts, even if it's just a word or two, I'd love to hear from you. It truly makes me happy.   
> I hope everyone is well, and that you enjoyed this chapter. I've already started the next one, so please anticipate it! I don't update on any certain schedule, but it should be up in the next few days. Take care!


	4. Manipulator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you are given a threatening reminder of your place, subsequently cause a commotion or two, and continue to lose faith in yourself.

You had never really given cults much thought throughout the course of your life. You knew what society defined them as, that they functioned differently from the rest of the world, and that they were typically centered around some sort of strange religion. You never needed to think too much about what being a part of one would be like. You had watched movies or TV shows that depicted cults as extremely radical, with crazy members and evil leaders that got away with ridiculous amounts of illegal activities. You barely gave it a passing thought, assuming that these depictions were likely stereotypes that had been amplified. Imagine your surprise when those shows weren’t too far off from the truth.

You’d never expected that sort of information to be relevant to you. It wasn’t like you’d grown up awaiting the day that you’d be whisked away to some ambiguous “paradise” wherein you would suddenly be an assistant to a high-ranking cult member. It just wasn’t anything that had ever crossed your mind; you had no reason to anticipate your life taking this sort of turn.

And yet, it had.

So, as the next few days passed, you learned to understand that your life would continue to play out in a very different way than you had expected it to. You had to accept that sunlight would be sparse, as you spent the vast majority of your time in the same little hideout with computer screens and laptops. You had to learn to live with the fact that even though you were now in the same place as your stalker, he was still keen on keeping you around at all times. The drastic decrease in the distance didn’t change that. You no longer had any control over your life.

As someone who had been on their own for quite a while, that was difficult for you to accept. It had been a long time since you’d lived under somebody else’s rules, and even longer since somebody had felt the need to constantly have eyes on you. Saying Ray was stifling would be an understatement. The only times you were really alone were when you were in the bathroom or in bed. He didn’t hesitate in expressing affection toward you, whether through hand-holding, complimenting you, or shamelessly staring at you when you were only a few feet away. Sometimes you would catch him gazing at you, but you were sure there were other instances where you didn’t notice a thing.

You hadn’t been here long enough to grow used to it. It still got under your skin. You had never expected to miss anything about your old life, but you longed for your independence. The changes that were occurring in quick succession turned your life upside down, and you weren’t welcoming the divergence. 

Your frustration with Ray’s constant clinging to you only grew over the first few days. He vehemently rejected the idea of letting you go anywhere by yourself. You found out early on that members of Mint Eye had keycards that allowed them access to different facilities and various parts of the building. According to Ray, Magenta was rather large, with multiple floors, a kitchen, a cafeteria, a chapel, and even a supposedly impressive garden.

But you couldn’t so much as leave Ray’s workspace without a keycard, and you had never been issued one. That meant that even if you wanted to sneak around the building, be it to gather information or just to have some time to yourself, there was no way you could do so. You were quite literally stuck in Ray’s workspace, unable to leave unless he permitted you to. Trapped, like a bird in a cage.

And, spitefully, you felt even more frustrated that Ray was being so affectionate toward you. He clearly thought that he was doing the right thing for you; that keeping you confined was ensuring you stayed safe. He seemed personally upset every time he mentioned your time spent homeless. Sure, you weren’t living on the streets anymore, but at what cost? Was this really any better?

Your thoughts continued to turn uglier as your irritation grew. You had no outlet for your feelings except for hushed whisper-rants in the bathroom and passive-aggressive thoughts that you kept to yourself.

_ Endure it. _ Those became your favorite words; a mantra you often repeated to keep yourself sane. 

Endure it. 

It was either that or face whatever was in store for you if you failed. You’d only been given a taste of the hell that could befall you if the Savior desired. Every time you remembered the elixir, that hell in a bottle, your arms erupted in goosebumps. You’d never been that sick before in your life, and the fear of returning to such helpless suffering was enough to deter you from acting out. 

According to Ray, the elixir was something that was supposed to be taken regularly. You recalled the way your heart leaped into your throat at learning that, but Ray quickly added that he didn’t intend on forcing it down your throat.

“Don’t tell the Savior,” he’d lowered his voice, “but I’m not going to make you take it. I’ve been able to grow strong enough that I don’t need to take it every day anymore, but I couldn’t bear to see you in pain like that every day. So, if someone asks, tell them that I make you take a little bit every day.”

You supposed you were thankful for that. You tried to humble yourself a little bit after that conversation by reminding yourself that things could be a lot worse. 

So, you tried as hard as you could to adjust to your new normal. Nothing super exciting happened over the next few days. The hours dragged on, and your thoughts and emotions continued to fester in the back of your mind. Your time was spent sitting in your chair at Ray’s desk, laptop open in front of you, half-assing some of the coding that Ray had assigned you. Though you had both given up on you becoming anywhere near proficient, Ray continued having you practice, if only so that you could do something with value. 

So that you could be useful.

Though your hate for programming only grew, you focused on it anyways. Not only was it a welcome escape, something to do, but you knew that you needed to have some sort of skill to speak for. Ray seemed paranoid enough about the Savior finding out that he had been creating countless loopholes for you, and if he was anxious about that, then you had reason to be as well. 

Other than programming, there wasn’t much for you to do. You were often stuck in your own head, plagued by thoughts of escaping mingled with bouts of anger at yourself for getting stuck like this in the first place. When you weren’t coding or overthinking, you tried to pick up on as much detail about your surroundings as you could. Even that proved difficult, though, because your opportunities to leave the room were restricted to bathroom breaks and occasionally going to the kitchen to get food.

So, once you felt that you’d gathered as much as you could, you started to pay more attention to Ray’s habits. Since he planned on watching over you at all times, it was him who you would ultimately have to outsmart. Ray already seemed to know quite a bit about you, so you had to catch up if you wanted to gain the upper hand.

The first thing you noticed was that he spent almost all of his time working. He seemed content to sit for hours on end, slouched in his chair, eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration as he typed away. As far as he had told you, Ray was in charge of security and app development. The description of his job was painfully vague, and you were curious as to what he did specifically. Security and app development alone couldn’t have taken up such a large amount of his time, but you hadn’t mustered up the courage to pry anymore. Given the nature of Mint Eye and the fact that Ray had stalked you and hacked into your phone at some point, you were sure that his work wasn’t as simple as he was letting on.

Whenever Ray wasn’t focused on his work, he busied himself with caring for you. He made sure that you ate well, having meals brought in for you despite hardly ever eating himself. You had seen him eating chocolate bars and various other sweets, but not much else. You had offered him some of your meal once, but he refused any of it, insisting that it was for you and he couldn’t possibly take your food, and you left it at that. It wasn’t your place to worry about him beyond basic human decency.

You also doubted he ever slept. He made a point of sending you to bed once it got rather late, but you’d never caught him sleeping. Ray had mentioned caffeine pills at some point, so you assumed that between taking those and spending an ungodly amount of time working, he likely only took cat naps at his desk throughout the night. 

Ultimately, your assessment brought you to the conclusion that it was surprising he was still functioning.

But, still, it wasn’t your place to worry. Especially since you soon found out that you had enough to fret about in regards to yourself.

It was about a week after your recovery that you were given the pleasure of meeting with the Savior again. You heard the click of the door unlocking behind you and turned around, curious. There hadn’t been any visitors up until that point. Your interest soon turned to unease, though, when the thick door was opened to reveal the Savior, in all her glory.

Instead of the ceremonial white robes she had been wearing when you first met, she was clad in a more straightforward, though no less elegant black dress. It was much tighter than the robes, accentuating her petite figure and drawing attention to her milky skin. Seeing her again, with the new knowledge you’d acquired, you realized that the Savior did look somewhat ethereal. She carried herself with such ease, an effortless grace coloring her every move, making her all the more intimidating.

The Savior was undoubtedly beautiful, angelic in appearance. But when you looked at her, all you could remember was how mercilessly she had forced the elixir down your throat, and the self-satisfied look in her eyes as she did so. You suppressed a shudder when her emerald eyes met yours, the memories flooding back to mind. A small smile crossed her face, as if she could see right through you.

Next to you, Ray immediately rose to his feet, and he bowed ever so slightly, placing his right hand over his heart. “My Savior,” he greeted. His voice was smooth, demeanor much less casual than when he interacted with you.

The sight of him bowing like that, greeting the Savior in such a way brought another stone-cold wave of reality crashing over you. You were suddenly much more aware of the position you were in; how much of a disadvantage you were at. Standing a few feet away from you was the woman who’d willingly drugged you, condoned your stalker, and who could have you thrown out at any perceived disrespect if she so desired.

It took you a second to catch up, but the second you did, you leaped to your feet and bowed your head, a cheap imitation of Ray’s greeting. Your face was hot, both with embarrassment and anxiety. The floor was suddenly much more interesting than you remembered it being.

A chuckle fell from her lips, bell-like in nature, and the Savior took a few steps toward you. She took hold of your jaw, her hands cool against your flushed skin, and lifted your head. Her eyes met yours, smile never faltering once as she met your eyes.

“There’s no reason to be so frightened,” the Savior’s voice, which was likely meant to sound reassuring, did nothing to ease your apprehension. The small stroke she gave your cheek with her thumb was no less comforting, but you appreciated that she released her hold immediately after. “I understand you’ve been adjusting to a large change. I trust that Ray has been helpful to you?”

You resisted the urge to glance over to the man in question, trying instead to keep your gaze on the Savior. Something about her demanded your undivided attention, and reassuring as she tried to sound, you didn’t think there would ever be a time when you could feel at ease around her. It was best to keep your guard up.

“Yes,” try as you might, your voice was incredibly stiff. Luckily for you, though, she didn’t comment on it.

“Good,” the Savior’s response was short, but she soon spoke again as soon as the formalities were out of the way. “I would like to speak with you. I understand that Ray is busy, so why don’t we take a walk down the halls? It would be a shame if you were deprived of the opportunity to see more of Magenta than this room.”

Her suggestion caused your stomach to twist inside out. The very last thing you wanted to do was to spend any quality time with the Savior, but what could you really do? Though she phrased her suggestion as a question, you knew it was anything but. You would be deluded to think you had any say in the matter.

Suddenly, you regretted the complaints about Ray you’d been stifling. You much preferred his overbearing demeanor now that you were forced into interacting with the Savior.

_ Go figure. _

“I’d love to,” you accepted her offer with a smile that you hoped seemed natural enough to hide your apprehension.

“Very well,” the Savior turned her gaze toward Ray. “I’ll return her to you shortly, Ray, so please continue to work hard.”

This time, you allowed yourself to look at Ray. At that moment, you didn’t care that you were being spoken about like an object. There was a small hope that Ray would somehow come to your rescue, but you knew the chances of that were nonexistent.

“Of course, Savior,” he said with another short bow. “For eternal paradise.”

He worshipped her, you thought. Of course, Ray probably thought that you were being gifted a wonderful opportunity. Though, even if he knew of and understood your fear of the Savior, he wouldn’t have been able to find you a way out of this.

You could dream, though.

The Savior turned back to you, smile ever-present, and gestured for you to follow her as she turned back toward the door. You followed her out into the bright hallway, where she had stopped to wait for you to reach her side, and began a slow trek down the long corridor. You had been down this hall a few times with Ray, but it was much different in the company of the Savior. The glittering halls usually soothed your mind, the expanse of the corridor allowing you to feel like you could actually take a breath, but this time they felt darker than Ray’s workspace.

Footsteps followed behind you and the Savior. You weren’t sure if she always had a few Believers trailing behind her, or if it was just a coincidence that she was guarded both times that you’d met her. You briefly wondered if this was what it felt like to have bodyguards before dismissing the thought. Bodyguards probably weren’t this lifeless and creepy. The other Believers in the hall parted ways for the Savior as soon as they saw her, leaving her an unobstructed path. Their heads bowed as she passed, and though the attention wasn’t for you, you still felt incredibly uncomfortable at the sight. You had never before seen anyone revere a person as much as these robed figures did their Savior. She seemed used to it, though, and you figured she likely enjoyed the attention. It didn’t take her very long to begin a conversation.

“I’m glad to see that you’ve mended well. It’s always hard for the new Believers to take the elixir for the first time,” she remarked.

_ No thanks to you, _ you thought bitterly.

“Yeah, Ray told me that it tends to be painful at first,” you found your eyes drifting around, from the royal blue curtains to the flowers placed in vases atop end tables here and there. Letting your gaze wander felt more comfortable than looking at the woman beside you, whose elegance was surpassed only by her uncanny ability to intimidate everyone whose eyes she met.

“Indeed,” the Savior’s voice drifted for a second before she chuckled lightly. “I should admit that I’m rather surprised at how much Ray has taken to you. I didn’t expect him to be so possessive that he would keep you locked away in that little room with him. I do hope that you’ll get the opportunity to mingle more with some of the other Believers.”

You were a little annoyed at her remarks, that she acted like she had expected Ray, your  _ stalker, _ to be less creepy just because you were now physically with him. But you didn’t even consider expressing your frustration. Instead, you formulated your next response to sound empathetic, like you didn’t really mind the position you were in.

“It works out okay. There’s a lot for me to help with, so I can understand that I’d have to be close by for that,” you forced a smile to your lips. It felt unnatural and strained, and you hoped that the Savior wouldn’t notice that you were lying through your teeth.

If she did notice, she didn’t make it obvious. “Of course. Ray is quite busy, so I’m sure there’s much for you to do as well.” The Savior’s steps halted and you didn’t hesitate to stop as well, turning to face her fully for the first time. Her smile was gone, replaced with an expression much more serious. Her eyes zeroed in on you as if staring straight into your head before she spoke again. 

“Ray’s work is extremely important to Mint Eye,” she said. “He is quite taken with you. I have permitted him to use you as an assistant, but there’s something I’d like you to do for me as well.”

A wave of dread washed over you. The weight on your shoulders was growing heavier by the second, but you still nodded, trying to keep your emotions carefully hidden.

The Savior didn’t look away once as she continued speaking. “I need Ray focused now more than ever. Though I’m allowing him to keep you by his side, he cannot be distracted. His role is absolutely essential for Mint Eye to reach Paradise. I need you to ensure that he stays concentrated on his work. You are important to him, so you now play a very large part in this place as well. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

You found yourself covered by a cold sweat, despite the flushing of your face. You understood, alright.

Hidden within the Savior’s words was a threat. Unspoken, but clear as day, it reached your ears and settled in the pit of your stomach.

It was Ray’s obsession with you, creepy and uncomfortable as it was, that was keeping you safe. If Ray got distracted because of you and couldn’t meet the Savior’s standards, all bets were off. The woman in front of you wouldn’t hesitate to dispose of you.

The Savior’s promises of eternal happiness as she described a world for the weak to flourish were made up of flowery words and welcoming smiles. It was ironic that in reality, she wouldn’t hesitate to trample anyone who got in her way. And, in her eyes, you clearly had the potential of becoming a nuisance. She saw you as someone who held power over Ray, and as such, you could likely undermine her own power if you tried hard enough. You were a threat, and she was reminding you of your place.

Thoughts and realizations swam through your head, bombarding you so quickly that you could hardly keep up. But now wasn’t the time nor the place to allow yourself to be distracted. 

Your voice was surprisingly stable when you replied, “I understand.”

The Savior’s pink lips stretched back into a smile, which was now that much more unsettling to you. “Good. You play an important part in Mint Eye’s quest for Paradise. I’m glad that we can walk this path together.”

Though you hadn’t reached the end of the hallway, the Savior turned back around and resumed her walking, this time back in the direction from which you’d come. You matched her pace, still fighting to keep yourself under control as the glittering white walls began to close in on you.

What kind of paradise was this place? What was Mint Eye’s ‘quest,’ and what role did Ray play in it? How had you gotten yourself trapped in the middle of all of this chaos?

“I’m just glad to be of help,” you managed to respond though the breath was being sucked out of you by the second.

The Savior spared you a glance, meeting your gaze with steely green eyes, before looking forward once again. You were sure she could sense your unease, and that made you all the more anxious.

The rest of the walk was quiet, and you supposed that was a good thing. The gears in your mind were turning as you ran the Savior’s words over in your head, trying to come to terms with the fact that this was going to be a lot more difficult than you had anticipated- and your hopes weren’t exactly high to begin with.

You were dropped back off at the workroom after bidding the Savior farewell with a small bow of your head. As soon as the door was closed, you felt your body shut down for a second, leaving you standing still in the middle of the room, spacing out as you tried desperately to think.

The game was changing, and so was your role in it. Instead of trying to find your way out of Mint Eye with the shadows as your cover, you would have to do so under the Savior’s watchful eye. 

And with that in mind, your goal seemed that much more unattainable. The hopelessness that descended upon your shoulders at that thought was almost too much for you to bear. Your chest began to crush with the weight of approaching despair, and as your emotions began to run wild, you found yourself suddenly lightheaded. The world was caving in around you, trapping you in a whirlwind of your own thoughts and anguish, and try as you might, there was no way out.

_ Oh my God. I’m going to die in here.  _

There was no way that you could do this by yourself, not the eyes of the enemy trained on you. You had been going at life alone for a while now and had already lost everything, having quickly found yourself unable to hold down a job and subsequently losing your apartment. You had thought that you would be able to handle that much- after all, millions of people around the world could- but you had been very wrong. Was it that same delusion that had been letting you believe that you could find a way out of Mint Eye if you just tried hard enough? Your life had been a series of constant, repeating failures. Why would this be any different?

The Savior seemed to be aware that you weren’t fully committed to Mint Eye, that much was made clear to you thanks to your most recent conversation with her. That woman could have you drugged up and abandoned if you so much as breathed incorrectly, and you already had a foot in the doghouse. The worst part was that, as always, you had nobody to blame but yourself.

How could you have just gotten into a car with a stranger? How were you going to fix this?

_ Could _ you even fix this? Your doubts were growing quickly, rapidly multiplying until they filled your head with a thick fog of anguish.

The sound of Ray calling your name brought you back to reality just enough for you to look up and meet his gaze. Mint eyes stared into your own beneath furrowed eyebrows. Concern was written all over his face.

You cursed at yourself as you realized that you had completely forgotten about his presence. Fighting to regain your composure, you straightened your back out and tried to release some of the tension in your shoulders, but it was a losing battle. You had given into the anxiety too much to just turn your back on it.

Ray stood up from his chair and approached you, placing the back of his hand on your forehead the same way he had when you were ill. You didn’t appreciate the contact, but he had reacted very poorly when you’d tried rejecting him after the initial programming fiasco, so you forced yourself to remain still. The shame you felt at having displayed your vulnerability so openly in front of him caused your head to grow hot.

You were never a fan of anybody seeing you like this, but it was so much worse with Ray. Everything depended on your ability to keep it together, and so far, it wasn’t going well.

It had only been a week, and you were already falling apart so easily.

“What’s wrong?” Ray asked you, moving his hand down from your forehead to tenderly cup your cheek. The sincere worry in his eyes was overwhelming, bleeding into his voice as he spoke. “You’re pale. You don’t look well.”

A thick lump had found a home in your throat, and your brain struggled to put together words into a convincing sentence. You opened your mouth to speak, but your voice failed you momentarily.

_ Snap out of it. _ You couldn’t afford for this to happen in front of Ray. If you lost it now, you weren’t sure you’d be able to pull yourself back together. The last thing you wanted to do was to make your anguish known. So, you took a second, trying to force yourself to gather your emotions up and shove them away into a corner in the back of your mind. You would have to come back to your feelings later, when it was safer for you to deal with them. You tried to ignore the thumping of your anxious heart by taking in a breath. A small exhale escaped your lips, shakier than you’d intended for it to be. Your panic wasn’t going away, but you feared that you’d be in even more danger if you didn’t do something to rectify the situation.

So, you did what you did best. 

You lied.

“Sorry,” you forced yourself to finally speak. “It’s nothing. I was just a little nauseous. But it’s passing.”

A frown crossed Ray’s face, and you took a second to remind yourself that the man in front of you was by no means stupid. You had slipped up; shown him too much of your panic. It would take a little more than empty words to make your lie believable.

The feelings could continue to fester in your mind all they wanted. None of it would matter if you couldn’t make it through this, and the first step of crawling out of the hole you had dug was to convince Ray that you were really fine. Even if you knew that you were far from it at the moment.

“Really,” you tried again, managing a small smile, “I’m okay. Please don’t worry.”

Ray caressed your cheek gently with his thumb as he continued staring into your eyes. His frown softened a little bit, but the concern swimming in his bright eyes was easy to see. Even in this moment, the same question that had been plaguing your mind since your arrival resurfaced.

Why did he hold you so dear? You were nothing, nobody special. You were never the type of person that stuck out or drew too much attention toward yourself. And yet, Ray’s devotion to you was so real it was almost tangible. The care he felt for you drove every single one of his actions, misguided though they were. 

You were drowning in it.

“If there was something wrong, you’d tell me. Right?” He asked. “You wouldn’t keep secrets from me, would you?”

You could have cringed. He honestly had no idea that you had been lying to him from day one.

Something about Ray seemed desperate for your reassurance, for you to continue making promises to him. You might never understand why, but the fact remained that for some reason, he was relying on you deeply. You felt a small, barely noticeable tug as Ray’s gloved fingers tangled with some of the baby hairs laying against your cheek.

The Savior was right. At this moment in time, you played a large part in Ray’s life. If nothing else, that was something that you could rely on. As long as you could stay on Ray’s good side, you retained a sliver of a chance at escaping. And with that thought in mind, the next lie came out easier than the previous one. 

You nodded up at Ray, still smiling. “Of course, Ray. I promise.”

Ray’s demeanor relaxed visibly and his frown finally melted away. He lowered his hand from your face, and you found that the air seemed colder against your cheek now, after having grown used to the warmth of physical contact. 

“Good,” he finally matched your smile with one of his own. The room filled with silence once again as Ray’s eyes remained locked on yours. There was a dusting of pink across his cheeks, similar in color to the pink in his hair. It softened his appearance considerably. 

Just as you had that thought, the pink deepened to a red, and his next words came out more bashful than you’d expected. “You know… I think that was the first time you’ve said my name. I hate my name, but when you’re the one saying it, I don’t hate it as much. It makes my heart feel… ticklish.”

You hadn’t even noticed that you’d said his name, nor had you realized that up until this point, you hadn’t yet. You shouldn’t have been surprised that Ray would be paying attention to something like that. What was inconsequential to you seemed to carry a much greater weight in his mind.

You would eventually have to grow used to his tender words and affectionate gestures, but you remained unsure that you would ever understand what he saw in you. There were many reasons why you held such contempt for yourself, but the last few weeks had solidified a lot of your self-loathing. Not only had you let your entire life slip away, but you had given up the last of your freedom in a rushed attempt to win back some of the safety that you’d lost alongside your shitty apartment. You were a poster child for young adults who couldn’t succeed at the basics in life. You were nothing more than a washout, but he looked at you with kindness and held you in such high regard that you found your heart aching.

It didn’t make sense.  _ He _ didn’t make sense.

Still, you managed the same small smile that you’d always given him when you didn’t know how to respond. And, like always, it was enough for him.

Apparently pleased with the outcome of your conversation and trusting that you were truly fine, Ray’s attention turned back to his work. He went on a short tangent about some of the data he wanted you to analyze next, and you forced yourself to pay attention to his words. It was only once he turned back around to focus on his computer screen again that some of the tension in your back and shoulders began to ease up a little bit. 

You’d let your guard down too much. This couldn’t happen again.

* * *

The day continued to pass quietly for a few hours. You found that, after your encounter with the Savior, your attitude had undergone a slight change. You were aware that your situation had always been serious, but you had been too slow to realize that the consequences of failing were grave, if not deadly. It had taken a threat, hidden beneath flowery words, to make you realize your place. You were disposable. An inconvenience. A distraction.

You stifled a sigh.

The clock in the corner of your laptop read  _ 10:23 PM. _ You hadn’t been able to completely focus on programming after your outburst earlier. The screen was too bright and the words too small. Your head was pounding and your eyes were sore. Even with the realization that the Savior would be paying attention to you, you were too exhausted to dedicate yourself to your work entirely.

It was strange. You were used to staying up into the hours of the early morning, especially when you’d lived at your old apartment. You used to spend more time awake during the nighttime than when the sun was in the sky, so you had always considered yourself a night owl. Now, though your days weren’t necessarily filled to the brim with excitement, they were still tiring enough to render your mind putty as the evening fell into night.

You spared a glance over at Ray, sitting to your right.

He remained focused on the computer screen right in front of him as he typed away. His eyebrows were creased ever so slightly in concentration. The blue light from the monitor made both his hair and face seem paler. The light illuminated a few strands of his hair, and you noticed that the ends were split, leading you to wonder briefly what his natural hair color was, and how many times he’d bleached it to get it so white and damaged. That thought was soon replaced by a short attempt to remember when the last time was that he’d eaten. That wonder soon faded away, too, and your mind circled back to your own woes.

Part of you was hoping that he’d look over at you and notice your exhaustion. Ray had a tendency of losing track of time once he got absorbed in his work. You’d noticed that once he truly got started, the outside world became background noise to him. It was fascinating to you that he had the ability to sit in the same small room and stare at a computer screen for so long without going crazy.

You hadn’t quite worked up the confidence to ask him for anything that you needed, save for bathroom breaks, and even those were only when the consequences of waiting any longer outweighed your anxiety about speaking up. Part of it was your pride. You were suffocated, stifled by Ray. Though he controlled your life in a very nonchalant way, you wouldn’t allow yourself to believe that he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. You hated the idea of playing into his obsession by asking him for permission to do things as you had to throughout your school years. It was dehumanizing, and you were frustratingly stubborn. You wanted desperately to retain some of your dignity, even if the only way you could do so was by pushing your body beyond its limits in silent protest. 

It wasn’t much, but it was something; enough to keep you going. 

But tonight, you’d found that your encounter with the Savior had lessened some of your hostility toward Ray. Though you were by no means fond of him, especially not in the way he was toward you, your newly ignited terror of the Savior painted her in a much worse light than the one you viewed Ray in.

The situation was extremely strange. Ray was the one who had stalked you, hacked your phone, drugged you upon meeting you, and kept you locked in a small bunker. Yet according to the Savior, it was  _ you _ who held power over him. And you supposed it made sense if you thought about the way he acted toward you, from remaining conscious of your well-being to tearfully begging you not to leave his side. It was all backward, but you couldn’t deny the truth in her words.

You felt yourself beginning to space out again, mind wandering far away. It was during that wandering that a thought occurred to you. 

If you tried hard enough, would you be able to use that to your advantage? 

Your gut twisted uncomfortably. The thought of taking advantage of Ray made you feel slightly ill. Despite the things Ray had done to you, despite how uncomfortable he routinely made you feel, you hesitated at the idea of exploiting his vulnerabilities. It was an ugly thing to do, and you wouldn’t be any better than the people here if you stooped down to that level. You didn’t want to be a manipulator. You didn’t want to be like the Savior- a person who trampled over those who she mistreated just to remain on top.

You tried to shove the idea out of your head, hoping that if you just held on for a little while longer, another option would present itself to you.

There had to be another way. Exploiting Ray’s weaknesses couldn’t be the only choice open to you.

Something moved against your temple, immediately bringing you back to the present. You blinked, meeting eyes with Ray, who was gazing at you with a soft smile and rosy cheeks. He had brushed a few strands of hair out of your face tenderly, which must have been what brought you back out of the depths of your mind.

Ray lowered his hand, giving you back your personal space, for which you were thankful. When you didn’t say anything, he broke the silence, as usual.

“You were staring at me,” he remarked, voice filled with the same fondness that was swimming in his sage eyes. Ray seemed pleased, like catching you staring at him brought him happiness. Of course, you thought, the one time he looked away from his work you happened to be spacing out while looking at him.

You didn’t have it in you to crush his contentment, so you didn’t bother correcting him. “Oh,” you said instead. “Sorry.”

Ray shook his head, resting his chin on a hand that he had propped up on the desk. “No, don’t be. I liked it,” his words were slightly mumbled due to his cheek being pressed into his hand, “It feels nice to be able to look beside me and see your eyes.”

Though he looked at peace, you remarked that the bags under his eyes were dark. It seemed like it had been a long time since he’d gotten any quality sleep.

You weren’t quite sure how to respond to that so, like always, you just offered a small, forced smile of your own. He didn’t seem to mind, though, and gestured for you to come closer.

“Here,” Ray’s voice took on a more business-like edge. “I have something to show you.”

Glad to have escaped his tender words and affectionate gaze, you used your legs to wheel your chair in his direction without standing, bringing yourself a tad bit closer while still keeping a respectful distance. You had thought this would be good enough but Ray apparently disagreed, as he took hold of the arm of your chair and pulled you closer. Your chairs hit each other and your arm bumped against him, effectively crushing the distance you’d tried to keep.

You shouldn’t have been surprised. You remained slightly tensed, but tried to ignore your discomfort by focusing on what Ray was saying.

“Do you remember the app I mentioned when we first spoke?” He asked, looking down at you. “I wanted you to be the tester, but you declined.”

It seemed like ages ago, you thought. When your interaction with Ray was purely about an otome game that he’d wanted you to try. When he was just ‘Unknown’ to you. You remembered that you didn’t take Ray seriously at all at the time, and only spoke to him because you’d wanted a distraction- and look at how that turned out for you. It was odd to you now that you knew him. He certainly seemed to be an affectionate person, maybe romantic in a misguided way, but you found yourself thinking that Ray didn’t really seem to be the type of person to create apps centered around dating.

Still, you nodded, and he continued. “Well, since the app is important, we need a new tester. I spent a little while looking for the best candidate, and I’ve picked somebody out.”

Your blood froze in your veins. The room suddenly felt significantly colder as yet another weight descended upon your already strained shoulders.

Were they going to try to bring another innocent person into this? You could hear your heartbeat speeding up, pounding in your head with renewed vigor. The panic you had tried so hard to stifle hours earlier was seeping back into your bloodstream.

You didn’t say anything as Ray pulled up a photo on his computer screen. Staring back at you was a girl, probably about your age. She was remarkably pretty, with long, dark hair and bangs that rested just above amber eyes. Her lips were curled upward in a friendly smile. Her demeanor seemed exceptionally kind, and that caused even more dread to settle in the pit of your stomach.

She seemed so different from you. So happy.

“Her name is Miyeon,” Ray spoke casually, as if he was discussing the weather instead of recruiting a random person into a cult. 

“Wait,” at that moment, you didn’t care that you’d interrupted him, your head spinning as you tried to catch up. You sat up straighter, putting some distance between the two of you, and twisted to look at him. Your voice rose slightly in volume as anxiety began to bleed into your demeanor. “You’re going to bring her here? A random person?”

Ray’s smile faltered at your shock and he tilted his head to the side ever so slightly. “Not just me. Both of us.”

As if  _ that _ was the problem.

“This app is important to Mint Eye,” Ray explained. “We need a tester.”

You shook your head, growing more agitated as your desperation grew. “I can still test it,” you insisted. “I was supposed to anyway, right? Can’t I-”

“ _ No _ !” Ray snapped. The sudden ferocity in his voice took you by surprise, and you immediately went silent. His demeanor had changed completely. His eyes were intense, staring you down, and he was so agitated that he was trembling slightly. “Not you. Anyone but you. I can’t take the risk of you talking to them, falling in love with one of them. The thought of that redhead talking to you... I can’t let that happen.”

It seemed as if he was going to say something more, but instead, Ray let out a sharp hiss, bringing a hand up to massage his temples as if his head was in pain. He sat still for a few seconds, clutching his head, before dropping his hand and turning back toward you. His posture was completely rigid, eyebrows furrowed into a glare that he directed back at you as if challenging you to continue defying him. Though he looked exhausted and in pain, the determination in his eyes was stone cold.

It was always the same, you thought. Your frustration didn’t wane in the slightest as you sat still, staring straight into Ray’s eyes. His insistence on completely controlling your life, from where you went to who you spoke to, was so stifling that in the moment, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. The small room was smaller, the shadows in the corners darker than you remembered, and they threatened to cave in on you again. 

It was the second time that day that you felt your patience running dangerously thin. It made you even angrier that you had to destroy your pride to keep yourself alive. You had to stop yourself from expressing the rage that you deserved to feel. But the situation just kept running itself in circles. You held everything inside, let it bottle up, expressed yourself just enough to cause problems, and eventually ended up pushing your emotions into the back of your head, just to fester even more. In the end, you never accomplished a thing.

It wasn’t fair _._ _You_ were the one who was being held captive. And Ray was this worked up about you just talking to fictional characters?

“But I won’t,” you made an effort to speak softer this time, to come off as less aggressive.

After a split second of consideration, you moved closer to Ray and reached over to wrap both of your hands around one of his own. It had been clenched into a fist so tight that you could feel him trembling through the fabric of the glove. 

You weren’t one for physical contact, especially not with Ray, and not with how angry you had been. But the thought of another innocent person getting dragged into this place because of you was too much to bear. Destroying your own life was one thing, but the girl on the screen smiled so brightly, so sincerely. If you were responsible for crushing the happiness of someone like her, you knew you would never be able to forgive yourself.

So you gripped his hand tightly, giving a small squeeze, and smiled in a way that you hoped looked reassuring. “Please, Ray,” you tried again. “They’re just AIs, right? Nothing’s gonna happen. I promised, remember? Please trust me.”

Ray’s glare softened to a frown, and he brought his free hand up to rest atop your own. He seemed slightly soothed at your initiation of physical contact, if the reddening of his cheeks was anything to go by, but the confliction in his eyes was so obvious that you became aware you were fighting a losing battle.

“I do trust you,” he said, gazing at your hands for a moment before looking back up to meet your eyes. “But you’re the most important person in the world to me. I can’t risk it. Besides, the tester needs to be impartial. You’re a member of Mint Eye now, and my assistant.”

You knew you’d lost. He was too stubborn, and you couldn’t risk fighting with him. Despite having known your chances of talking Ray out of his worries were small, you were overcome with a crushing disappointment. Luckily for you, Ray continued to fill the silence.

“It’s best if you’re with me, in here,” he insisted, untangling his hand from yours to cup your cheeks gently. His hands were warm against your cheeks, but all you could register was the overwhelming defeat in your chest. “I can keep you safe from everything, even the AIs. I know you want to help, so help me by staying where I can see you.”

You didn’t have it in you to argue anymore. Even if you did, you knew that nothing you said would make a difference. So you did what you did best and forced yourself to step down, to accept that nothing would change through your efforts alone. You had lost.

“Okay.”

You had thought that if someone else could care for you, that there must be a reason. There would have been something in you worth caring for. But in this situation, you couldn’t see it. You only saw someone who failed, time and time again. Still, Ray was perpetually gentle toward you, handling you with the utmost care. It had only been a week, but his determination to protect you and keep you safe was undeniable.

So much so that he didn’t want to allow you to interact with AIs; fictional characters who in no way could hurt you.

Ray was obsessed with you. You didn’t know why, but at some point, you would have to accept that you might never understand. 

The photo of Miyeon remained on the screen. She continued to smile, to sparkle, and you dreaded having to be a part of the reason why someone so full of life would end up like you. Wretched. Weak. Disgusting.

Someone like her deserved a better life, you thought. Anyone deserved a better life. You’d practically thrown yours away without a second thought. You’d lost everything, and you had nobody to blame but yourself. You’d made the choice to come here willingly because you had nowhere else to go. That fact would remain true, no matter how much you regretted your actions now. You had nobody to blame but yourself.

But you had never been a person capable of purposely hurting somebody else. You were dissatisfied with your own life, sure, but you were not malicious toward other people. You even found yourself empathizing with Ray, someone who’d stalked and drugged you. You had gone so far as to make more false promises, to use your influence in Ray’s life to try and get your way, if only to help the girl in the photo. But it wasn’t enough. You’d forced yourself to play the part of the manipulator, to stoop down to a lower level just to keep this girl out of harm’s way. But it wasn’t  _ enough _ .

You were always going to lose. Especially in this place.

Her amber eyes remained bright and lively on the screen as your resolve crumbled.

_ I’m sorry. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to upload this chapter from my phone, so I hope the formatting turns out okay. There’s also a lot going on around me as I type this, so expressing my thoughts is very difficult right now as I’m distracted haha.  
> This chapter might seem kind of repetitive or like it’s just a filler, but I really wanted to focus on the reader’s mental state. Obviously they’re not in a particularly great place, and I feel that plays an important part in the story. The development of the reader’s mindset is suuuper essential to the beginning of the main plot. The conversation with the Savior, of course, also lays another vital part of the foundation for the rest of the plot.  
> I wanted to give a huge, huge thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments on the last chapter! I was so surprised at how many people had such kind things to say. The past few weeks have been super rough for me and I wasn’t sure about posting this story, but it’s been so much fun, and everybody’s kind words have been so motivating. I love hearing from my readers and getting feedback, so even if it’s just a word or two, please consider leaving a comment! And if not, dropping a Kudos is just as wonderful. I appreciate it so much.  
> I hope everyone is well and has a great weekend! Please take care and stay healthy!


	5. Through The Looking Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you realize that this situation is much bigger than just you, but rewiring your thought process is hard, and being nice to your captor is even harder.

The next few days were very different from the first week you had spent at Mint Eye.

Instead of focusing on work, which was described to you vaguely as ‘security’ or ‘app development,’ Ray’s attention had taken a slight shift to the girl who he had decided would be the next tester. 

Miyeon Cha.

Despite your position as Ray’s assistant, you were more involved than you had expected to be. Your duties had also taken a turn and now, instead of practicing coding, you focused more on helping Ray with surveillance and keeping track of the data that he gathered about Miyeon. 

Essentially, you were just as much of a stalker as Ray was. It was intensely uncomfortable, extremely invasive, and just as illegal, but you soon found that you didn’t have much of a choice. Your initial despair at learning of Miyeon’s fate hadn’t faded at all. You still felt just as guilty, just as ashamed, even as the days continued to pass you by. There was no getting used to something like this.

Upon coming to Mint Eye, the app that Ray had first told you about completely escaped your mind. You had no reason to think of it anymore, as you had come to your own conclusion that it had been a part of an elaborate setup, a ruse to get you to come to Mint Eye willingly. When Ray had gotten angry with you after mentioning the game during your first day, you had been more focused on your anger at his attempts of controlling your life. You hadn’t paused to think about  _ why _ the mention of the app had enraged him so much. You were too absorbed in your own emotions to take a step back and view the situation objectively. You had gotten sloppy, given in to your emotions, and allowed them to distract you from what was really important.

And now, another person had to suffer. Because of your incompetence.

Rationally, you wondered if there had been anything you could have done in the first place. Ray’s desire to dictate every aspect of your life was rock-solid. His dedication would have been admirable if it weren’t so misdirected. You tried to tell yourself that no matter what you would have done or said, the chance that you could have talked him into letting you test the app was almost nonexistent. He was much too controlling. But still, you could have tried. 

But by the time Ray had found another tester, there was nothing more you could have done. You’d had an entire week, and you had spent it stuck in your head, dwelling on your own emotions instead of trying to do something about it. Just as you had in the outside world, you had given up on changing what you didn’t like and allowed your situation to dictate your actions. Now, though, it wasn’t just you who had to suffer the consequences of your poor decisions.

How were you not supposed to blame yourself? If something happened to this girl and she ended up at Mint Eye, you would be just as much to blame as the cult itself. You weren’t just a bystander anymore. No matter how much you wanted to retain the role of an innocent victim, you were no such thing.

The time that you spent in your chair, watching Miyeon through surveillance cameras and monitoring her online activity only cemented your regret. You were able to see her as a person, going about her daily life, unaware that everything would soon change. It tormented you to watch her, knowing that time was running out.

You had briefly found yourself wondering if this was what Ray had done to you, too. Watched you, monitored you, surveilled you without your knowledge for countless days before finally contacting you. You remembered one of your phone calls with him, where he’d mentioned that he’d been watching you as you spoke, and found that some of your previous questions were finally being answered. You knew now that he could hack into any security system or CCTV camera without breaking a sweat. Ray could have watched you all day if he wanted, especially after you’d lost your apartment. It sent shivers coursing up and down your spine as you thought more about it, especially now that you were sitting right next to him for hours on end. He had your entire life at his fingertips, from your personal information to your specific whereabouts. You never stood a chance.

But you soon pushed those thoughts out of your head, too. This wasn’t about you anymore. 

You were determined not to keep making the same mistakes. So, even though the urge to wallow in your own self-pity was overwhelming, you managed to keep yourself sane enough to realize that what you needed was a plan. Unfortunately, as limited as your knowledge was, coming up with ideas was much easier said than done. At first, while you brainstormed, you were content to make more of an effort to gather information through your limited conversations with Ray.

Throughout the days spent monitoring Miyeon, Ray had explained to you about the app in a bit more detail.

Everything that he had told you initially still rang true. It was an Otome-style game, in which the player could interact with characters to raise relationship levels and pursue a romantic ending. There were six characters to choose from, all of which had different, distinct personalities. There were multiple endings that the player could encounter based on the choices that they made throughout the duration of the game.

The player, Ray said, would assume the role of the party coordinator for the RFA, a fundraising organization that held parties for the sake of charity. The player would interact with would-be guests to convince them to attend the party.

What was most interesting to you, though, was that Ray claimed that the characters all had secrets. When he spoke about the secrets, his demeanor had changed slightly. He spoke about the characters as if they were real people that genuinely bothered him, like their secrets inconvenienced him personally. When you asked about the secrets, though, he refused to tell you, saying that there was no need for you to know.

You didn’t understand how you knowing the secrets could possibly cause any problems, but it wasn’t your place to voice those complaints. 

Most of this information you had already acquired during your first phone call with Ray before things had gone south. According to him, this app was extremely important to Mint Eye. Apparently, the app itself had been the Savior’s idea, and she regarded its development as a top priority.

That confused you greatly. How could an Otome-style app be so important to a cult? Was it an outlandish attempt at attracting more Believers? But that didn’t make any sense, either. If you were to draw a Venn diagram of the types of people that were attracted to dating games and cults, there would be absolutely no overlap. You couldn’t possibly come up with any reasons as to why that app would be so important, nor why it was necessary for an impartial person to act as a tester and play through the game. The situation had been fishy enough to you during your first phone call with Ray, but now that you knew more, especially in regard to Mint Eye itself, the entire setup was even more suspicious. There were too many holes in the story that you were being fed. 

There was definitely something that Ray wasn’t telling you, but you knew that even if you did pry, he wouldn’t give up his secrets. He was intensely stubborn about his work, and the fact that he cared for you deeply didn’t change that. He would remain dedicated to serving the Savior and carrying out her every whim. You tried to find solace in the possibility that with time, Ray would tell you a little more. You thought that with luck, as his assistant you would eventually be allowed access to some of the more sensitive details about this place. But for now, you would have to try and make do with what you had, hoping that it was enough to grant you a way out.

The surveillance process continued for a few days. Despite the fact that you knew you were crossing a huge line in taking part in this, you couldn’t help feeling slightly bored. Watching someone just live their life every day, intrusive and illegal as it was, just wasn’t all that interesting. Miyeon was ordinary. She spent a lot of time at cafes, similar to you, did a fair amount of window-shopping, and loved to peruse social media. There was only so much of that a person could do before it became repetitive, and it had become repetitive a long time ago.

When you had first seen Miyeon, she seemed extremely different from you. And her demeanor continued to remain opposite of yours; friendly, kind, upbeat. But as you learned more about her, you found that some parts of her life were eerily similar to yours. She didn’t seem to have a job, nor was she regularly meeting up with anyone who seemed to be friends or family. She texted a few people regularly, but they never made a physical appearance in her life. The biggest difference between the two of you was that Miyeon didn’t seem to carry the same kind of apathy that had plagued you in the weeks leading up to meeting Ray.

That brought to light another uncomfortable realization about Mint Eye. You knew that cults tended to target the vulnerable, but seeing it in action, especially after being a victim yourself, was unsettling. You wondered how many of the other Believers had been recruited in a similar way. Mint Eye seemed to specialize in recognizing people who were suffering, and subsequently making themselves out to be a haven for those people. 

That was what had happened to you, after all. You had been so desperate for safety and the company of others that you’d very quickly given up on your own instincts, ultimately allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.

It was distressing that you were watching the same thing happen to Miyeon. You were on the other side of the screen this time, part of the scheming, part of the cult that was trying to drag another person into its grasp. You knew exactly what was happening, but you were completely unable to stop it.

Part of you hoped that Miyeon would turn down Ray’s offer. But, when you remembered that you’d turned down the offer and still ended up in Mint Eye, you wondered if she even had a choice. Her fate may as well have been sealed the second that Ray decided that she would be the tester. 

The few days that you stared at computer screens, monitoring Miyeon’s activities, were filled with more brainstorming than actual stalking. You had come to the conclusion that you might not be able to stop Ray from bringing a tester to Mint Eye, but you could try to find a way to use the presence of the tester to your advantage.

Not only would Ray be more distracted, but the arrival of somebody new could be helpful to you, too. As far as you were concerned, every single other person in Mint Eye was completely brainwashed. You were the only person with any remaining clarity of mind, the only person who could see how wrong this place was.

If Miyeon was able to share your perspective, you may be able to work together to find a way to escape. Miyeon would not be inducted into Mint Eye immediately, as Ray stressed that it was important she remain impartial. Because she was coming straight from the outside world, just as you had, there was a chance that she would be able to see Mint Eye for what it truly was.

At this point in time, your plan was all hypothetical, depending on multiple variables that would need to act together in order to make your scheme possible. You would need more luck than you’d been given thus far in order for your plan to come to fruition. But it was all that you had.

With that in mind, you tried to focus on what you could actively do to give yourself a better chance at escape. You couldn’t get complacent. You had to act.

You came to the conclusion that presently, there were two things that you needed to do. First, you needed to continue gathering as much information as you could. There was only so much intel you could collect, though, when you were stuck in a small room and closely watched at all times. Furthermore, when you did ask Ray questions, it was very obvious that he held back sensitive information. He might have cared about you, you might have been his assistant, but he remained tactful about how much he revealed to you. It was that revelation that led you to the second thing that you needed to do.

You needed to gain Ray’s trust. 

That was by far more difficult for you. Though you felt that Ray most likely wouldn’t actively harm you, that didn’t mean that you felt comfortable around him. He had the habit of invading your space and reacting poorly at your attempts to create any personal boundaries. You had been as defiant as you could without causing trouble, fighting back in your own ways to preserve as much of your dignity and comfort as you could. With the introduction of another victim, though, you were starting to realize that this was much bigger than just you. You didn’t want to continue making the same mistakes. You may not have been able to change the fact that you felt guilty for what was to befall Miyeon, but you could work to minimize the damage.

It was difficult for you to come to the conclusion that you needed to do something that you had refused to partake in only days earlier. Despite the fact that Ray cared for you, it was obvious that his worship for the Savior came first. You needed to work the influence that you did have in Ray’s life and attempt to get him to trust you, give you more information, and hopefully allow you a tad more freedom. 

Your biggest mistake had been in assuming that you could accomplish anything by basing your actions on the morals that you had acquired in the outside world. Magenta functioned with its own rules, and very few of them were the same as the rules of the society from which you came. So, it made sense that acting in a way that you defined as morally correct would not get you very far. If anything, it just made you an easier target.

Forcing yourself to enact such a large change wasn’t easy. Still, you had started to interact with Ray more, whether it be through making short comments or responding more to his attempts at talking. Eventually, you gathered the courage to start initiating conversations on your own.

At first, your attempts at speaking with him centered more around work-related topics. Sometimes you asked questions, even about things you already knew the answers to, just to try and slowly get used to interacting with him.

“So,” you tried one time, painfully aware of how awkward your voice sounded when breaking the silence, “you said you developed the app, right?”

Ray had looked away from his screen for a second to entertain your question with a smile. “I did.”

His positive response spurred you on, so you tried to sound less stiff when you spoke next. “How long did it take? From what you told me it’s pretty involved, so I imagine you spent a lot of time on it.”

Ray had turned to face you fully at that point, pursing chapped lips for a few seconds in thought. “I worked on it for six months,” he’d eventually responded. “The Savior came up with the idea herself. I just made it.”

_ Ah, _ you thought. No wonder he wouldn’t give you too many of the details. If the app itself was the Savior’s idea and it played such a vital role in the ‘quest’ of Mint Eye, then it made sense that there was some information in there that she didn’t want you to know. If there was one thing you knew for sure, it was that she held some reservations about you.

All the more reason to find out. So, you pushed yourself just a little bit more.

“Oh, I see,” you nodded. “I knew you were good with computers, but that’s impressive.”

Ray’s face lit up at your compliment. It had felt awkward for you to praise him, even if it was something small, but the way at which he immediately eased up brought you to the conclusion that slight flattery might have been a good way to start. You were worried it would have made your intentions too obvious if you just started complimenting him out of the blue. Ray was extremely smart, but the general clinginess he showed you gave you the impression that he might have felt somehow isolated.

The idea of exploiting that felt extremely wrong. But you weren’t being given much of a choice anymore.

“It’s my job here, so I have to be good at it,” Ray responded as if trying to remain humble. “But I’m glad you think so. It feels really good to be praised… Especially by you.”

Ray must not have heard many compliments from the Savior, you thought. Odd, as he seemed to be vital to Mint Eye’s successful functioning. Though, she didn’t seem the type to be particularly nice to people, so you supposed you weren’t too surprised.

That conversation with him was brief, but a good start. As you turned back to your laptop, you found yourself thinking that if you continued like this, there may have been a chance for you to accomplish something yet.

One of the more interesting interactions you had with Ray was when you made an attempt to learn more about him as a person. You had hesitated to do so, as you imagined he likely hadn’t had a particularly fulfilling life if he had resorted to joining a cult, but you couldn’t deny that you were curious. You spent so much time around him, but he still remained a stranger to you.

You had been slumped in your chair and spacing out, not really concentrating on your work the way you were supposed to. Your laptop had told you that it was late, the numbers in the bottom right corner reading  _ 12:37 AM. _ Your mind had been wandering as your fatigue increased, and it was likely the very same exhaustion that gave you the sudden courage to start a more personal conversation with Ray.

“How long have you been here, Ray?” Your question was so out of the blue that it even surprised you. You hadn’t really thought before speaking, you just let the words tumble out of your mouth.

You felt momentarily anxious, starting to regret your actions as Ray’s fingertips stopped their dancing across his keyboard. There was a short silence as he paused, turning to look at you curiously.

“I came here six months ago,” Ray’s answer was short, lacking the usual rambling that accompanied his responses.

You were surprised. 

Given his devotion toward the Savior, you had expected him to have been a part of Mint Eye for a lot longer. Ray practically worshipped the ground she walked on. He was willing to work himself to the bone, without adequate food or sleep, just to do what she wanted. He had stalked you, and now Miyeon, simply because the Savior needed the perfect tester for the app.

It was strange. You weren’t exactly well-versed in human psychology, but six months seemed very short for the Savior to garner Ray’s unwavering trust and loyalty. She must have really been able to get under his skin to manipulate him so completely. The very thought was unsettling.

“Really?” Your shock bled into your voice, and you sat up a little bit straighter in your chair. “How old are you?”

Ray turned his chair away from the monitor on the desk, choosing to face you instead. He cocked his head to the side slightly, observing you like he was trying to figure you out. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and you felt your face start to flush with embarrassment. 

The question had slipped out. You were beginning to wonder if you had already asked the wrong thing.

Before your thoughts could become too derailed, though, Ray’s face broke out in a smile. “You’re blushing,” he remarked, incredibly pleased with that revelation. “It’s cute. Are you curious about me?”

You cleared your throat slightly, furrowing your eyebrows and shifting your weight around in your seat. Your instinct was to correct Ray and set the record straight, but you figured that admitting you were genuinely afraid to make him angry wouldn’t be something he would take well. That, and you weren’t sure you had the courage to be quite that bold. So, you swallowed your pride and allowed him to sit happily with the conclusion he had come to.

“Well… yeah,” you admitted, fidgeting with your hands absentmindedly. “I mean, you know everything about me, but I hardly know you at all.”

Ray’s smile widened at your response. He looked happier now than you could recall ever seeing him, and you didn’t move away when he scooted his chair closer to yours and took hold of your hands. He’d always enjoyed physical contact, and you were slowly growing less surprised every time he initiated it. This time, though, Ray’s gaze fell down down your hands as encompassing them tenderly in his own.

“I’m twenty-two,” he eventually answered your question, running his thumbs softly across the back of your hands as he spoke, feeling the crevices between your knuckles. It seemed to you like he was momentarily caught up in his own head, plagued by thoughts or feelings that you couldn’t decipher. The silence dragged on for a little while. When Ray met your eyes again his cheeks were red, and his gaze was remarkably tender. “When you’re curious, just ask me. I’ll tell you anything about me you want to know.”

He spoke like he was entrusting you with something deeply personal. It served to back up your belief that Ray likely hadn’t had a very good experience with the outside world. He was so dedicated to the Savior, so obsessive about you and, as you were coming to find out, he didn’t share information about himself lightly.

Empathizing with people was something that came naturally to you, but it wasn’t enough for you to excuse his actions.

You felt a familiar guilt return at the way that Ray looked at you like he whole-heartedly believed that your intentions were pure. But you didn’t have much of a choice anymore.

So, you just gave him a nod, accompanied by a small smile of your own, and didn’t say anything else. The idea that Ray was perceiving your relationship as becoming deeper was frightening to you. You could deal with having your boundaries invaded to a certain degree, as you had slowly started to become accustomed to the way his infatuation manifested itself. Tender words and staring were one thing, but by playing into his obsession, you were only reinforcing the idea that the way Ray treated you was okay.

And it wasn’t okay. Not to you. But, what other options were there? 

When you weren’t trying to actively gain any information from Ray, you spoke to him in an attempt to simply gain his trust. You were a firm believer that actions spoke louder than words, and you tried to implement that belief in your actions. Besides focusing on your work, though, you soon found that your opportunities to gain his trust in ways other than talking to him were rather limited.

Your first try in implementing this strategy came during your breakfast one day. Like every morning, you were given a well-balanced meal while Ray ate nothing. You remembered your attempt at offering him food before had ended in failure, but you were hoping that this time, if you pushed a little more, you might be able to convince him to eat something. You reminded yourself that this was something any decent person would do and that you were actively being kind to him for the sake of Miyeon and yourself.

It wasn’t that you hated Ray. But by being so nice to him, you felt like you were losing. One of the reasons you had been so quiet and defiant was to preserve some of your own dignity. You had felt that by giving in to his misguided, creepy acts of kindness toward you that you were giving him the incentive to continue. You didn’t want him to think that you were okay with the way that he was treating you, because you weren’t. You just failed to see how continuing to act defiant would be helpful anymore.

So, while you were eating, your plate atop one of the file cabinets in the room, you looked up at Ray. He was focused on his work, back turned to you, and you felt a small surge of anxiety at the prospect of interrupting him.

_ Don’t think. Just do it. _

“Ray,” you forced his name out, and after the first word, it was a little easier to continue speaking, “aren’t you hungry?”

Ray must have been more focused on his work than you thought, as he didn’t turn around to face you. He just shook his head in response.

You wanted to drop it, but after yet another reminder of why you were doing this, you pushed yourself to try again. So you stood up from your makeshift breakfast table and crossed the room in a few steps, stopping to stand beside Ray. You waited for a few seconds before he finally looked up from the monitor. He was clearly still distracted, his chin resting in his palm, elbow propped on the desk, but he met your eyes anyways.

“Please,” you struggled to find the right words. “I hardly ever see you eat.”

“Are you worried?” Ray asked you, the corners of his lips turning upward slightly.

Looking down at him, you were unable to say that he looked healthy. That didn’t mean that you felt worried, per se, but the combination of his pale skin, thin build, and dark undereye bags were a clear sign that he actively neglected his health. Trying to convince him to take care of himself was one of the few ways that you could try to earn his trust, you’d thought. That was all.

But you were getting good at lying.

“Well, you work all the time,” you started, before hastily adding to your statement, “and I know you have a lot to do, but you’d probably be able to work better if you ate, right? And I don’t think it’s a good idea to neglect your health.”

_ What a trainwreck. _

You had never been the most socially proficient, but you’d also never been the type of person to blather on. This was so extremely awkward to you, though, that you couldn’t stop the words from flying out of your mouth. The embarrassment was painful, especially with the knowledge that it would be misinterpreted by the man in front of you.

Ray seemed content to sit and watch you stumble over your words, and the second you realized that, you forced yourself to stop speaking momentarily. After a second, you sighed softly and tacked a conclusion to your monologue.

“So, please eat something.”

A small but good-natured chuckle escaped Ray’s lips and again, you couldn’t help noticing how happy he seemed to have you caring over him, haphazard as your attempts were. Finally, he spoke up.

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll get something from the kitchen in a little bit.”

That wasn’t quite what you’d meant. You expressed your dissatisfaction by furrowing your brows and pressing your lips together. 

“Just take some of mine,” you glanced toward your plate, which you hadn’t started eating from yet. “I doubt I’ll be able to eat it all.”

Apparently it was now Ray’s turn to be unhappy. His demeanor took a sudden turn from content to concern and, smile vanishing entirely, he stood up to feel your forehead as if checking for a temperature. “Do you not feel well?” The question flew from his mouth.

You stifled another sigh. That wasn’t what you’d meant all.

“I’m fine,” you insisted, trying to fight the urge to lean back after having your personal space invaded yet again. “Really. But I can’t always eat that much, and if there’s food here, you might as well have some.”

Ray lowered his hand and glanced over to your plate for a second. There was something in his mint eyes that you couldn’t read. His thoughts were so clearly being reflected through his facial expressions, but you couldn’t understand what was going on in his mind, so you felt lost, unable to translate. He seemed to be hesitating at the idea of taking some of the food and again, you couldn’t help briefly wondering why.

You squashed your curiosity quickly, like always. It wasn’t any of your business.

“It’s for you,” Ray eventually looked back away, his expression replaced with something more serious, but just as indecipherable. “I can’t take any of your food.”

_ But drugging me is okay? _

“Why not?” You challenged, meeting his gaze. “It’s okay with me. I’d rather you eat.”

Ray continued to look into your eyes, his own swimming with the same, unidentifiable emotion from earlier. The room was silent again, the air becoming thick and stifling.

You couldn’t force him to eat, you knew that. But now that you had started the discussion and felt like you were close to making some progress, you didn’t want to give up too easily. There was nothing wrong with showing him some basic human decency, even if you knew you were only doing so to gain something. 

“Don’t think so hard about it,” you gave in to the urge to speak. You could stand silence, you could stand his staring, but both at the same time only made you feel more awkward. “Just eat something.”

You didn’t understand him or his hesitance, but you tried to work with it, anyways. Your words seemed to have an effect on Ray, as he unclenched his jaw slightly and gave in with a nod.

That had been your second victory, and easily one of your largest. Ray never took much of your food, as if under the impression that it wasn’t okay to do so, but if you took the time to remind him to eat in the mornings, he would. It became something of a strange routine, a repeated interaction you had with him every morning. You hoped that it would work in your favor. If nothing else, at least you were getting him to eat something other than chocolate bars, caffeine pills, and sweets he collected throughout the day.

When Ray eventually decided that the time had come to officially contact Miyeon, it had been about a week of persistent attempts at communication and building rapport. It was exhausting to you, as you were both unused to constant socializing and uncomfortable with the idea of growing closer to Ray in the first place. It was the continued reminder of why you were doing this that helped you to keep stepping out of your comfort zone, sacrificing the safety that you’d felt by staying inside your own head. 

You weren’t sure if your efforts had made any sort of a difference. Even if it had, you were even less sure of whether or not it was enough of a difference to change anything. You were constantly aware that your chances at finally escaping Mint Eye were dependent on how much freedom you had, and that freedom was something that you had to earn. As much as Ray cared for you, you weren’t sure if he actually trusted you. With that in mind, all of your attempts at communicating were executed as an attempt to build that trust, even if you were only going to take advantage of it in the end.

That thought always left a particularly sour taste in your mouth. But what else could you do? If you weren’t given a chance to go about this in a more ethically correct way, then your choices would remain limited to much more questionable options.

This wasn’t your fault. You didn’t have any other choice.

Your justifications would only work for so long. As you stared at Miyeon, sitting in a small boba shop, sipping at her milk tea, your heart thundered in your chest with apprehension. Ray was sitting next to you, finishing up the last of whatever he’d been working on, leaving you to be tormented by your thoughts. The second Ray was done, he would be contacting Miyeon with the same ruse he had used on you. Her time had run out.

You nibbled on one of your nails in apprehension, trying to fight off the anxiety that you knew was there to stay. Your guilt was immense, especially as you watched Miyeon going about her life without the knowledge that things were about to take a huge turn. You didn’t know if you wanted her to accept or decline the offer. While you didn’t want her to come to Mint Eye, you were also worried about what might happen if she tried to refuse. 

Would she get the same leeway that you had been gifted?

Next to you, Ray finished up the last of his project. He swirled his chair in your direction, shifting his attention to Miyeon, who was about halfway through her drink.

“Are you going to contact her now?” You lowered your hand onto the desk but didn’t look away from her. Your heart thundered with worry. Despite knowing that this was inevitable, part of you still wished that there was something you could do.

But you knew that was a pipe dream.

Ray nodded, eyes trained on Miyeon. “I just sent her the email.”

Your eyebrows furrowed together at his response.

_ Email? _

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking up at Ray.

“The email with the messenger app,” he met your eyes briefly, enough to see that his short explanation left you just as confused. “When she opens it, the app will be directly installed onto her phone. That way I can contact her through the app without being traced.”

You expelled a short burst of air, feeling slightly incredulous. How had you not known about this? You figured that the app had been some sort of a virus, but hearing it from Ray directly was different from just speculating like you had been for weeks now.

“Did you send that email to me, too?” You asked.

Ray nodded. “How did you think you got the app?” He didn’t seem as invested in the conversation, still distracted by his work, and looked back toward the monitor, leaving you to muse over this newly acquired information alone.

When you had first seen the app on your home screen, part of the intrigue had been that you didn’t know where it had come from. The reveal of its mysterious origins made sense, though, as you’d always received a fair amount of spam emails. You had a habit of browsing through them when you found yourself with nothing else to do. You’d been so bored those last few months, and some of the more strange or outlandish emails were fun to look through. Go figure that one of them would lead you to a cult.

You tried to momentarily think back and remember what email could have been his, but there was no use. It didn’t matter anymore, anyways.

You turned your attention back to Miyeon just in time to see her staring intently at something on her phone. The footage was somewhat grainy- the shop’s cameras were lacking in terms of quality- but you could make out her tapping on her phone screen, focusing on whatever had caught her curiosity.

You suppressed a shudder. You could still remember opening the app for yourself. The dark blue screen with bright green code flashing across your screen had caused you significant anxiety at the time. It was sudden and creepy, the perfect distraction for your bored mind at the time. You glanced to your side and noticed that Ray was holding his own phone, the screen of which depicted a chatroom eerily similar to the one you’d first spoken to him through. You hadn’t seen that chatroom in weeks, but it reminded you so much of the initial discomfort and anxiety that accompanied those first few interactions with Ray. 

Again, you shivered.

There was a flash of text on his screen. You were sitting a bit too far away to read it without straining. You resisted the urge to lean closer, not wanting him to know that you wanted to snoop. Besides, if his conversation with Miyeon would be anything like the one he’d held with you, then you had a decent idea of what he was going to say.

Ray’s lips quirked upwards, a sign of victory, and his fingers began tapping the keyboard on his phone screen.

Your heart sank, and the guilt that you had been feeling all week reared its ugly head again. You had known that this was inevitable; the second Ray had chosen Miyeon as a tester, any choice she might have had was taken away from her. But how could you not blame yourself? If you had only agreed to Ray’s ridiculous proposal that day, or even eventually convinced him to let you test the game after all, Miyeon would have never had to get involved.

Your own life was beyond saving. It had been for a long time. You had been arrogant to think that your own defiance could make things better for you. Instead, you were just dragging other people down with you. And by the time you realized that, it was too late to reverse anything.

Glancing at Miyeon on the monitor, though, you noticed she didn’t seem quite as alarmed as you had been when you were in her shoes. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at Ray beside you. He also looked satisfied, sending message after message, probably explaining the concept of the app to her as he had to you. He was so focused on the chatroom that he didn’t say anything to you. For the minutes that they chatted, you stayed quiet. To you, time dragged on, and despite the fact that Miyeon didn’t look too concerned, you were still filled with dread.

“Ah,” Ray’s voice eventually caught your attention, and you looked to the side to see him smiling down at the screen. “She accepted.”

Your gut twisted uncomfortably. It was growing more difficult for you to speak, and for once, you didn’t force it, opting instead to sit quietly. Telling yourself that it was better if Miyeon came voluntarily was hardly of any comfort, but it was all that you could get, so you clung to that thought.

Ray turned his smile to you. He looked proud as he met your eyes, the same sense of accomplishment bleeding into his voice. “I’m going to call her and explain the game to her in some more detail,” he said. “Give me a few minutes, okay?”

You had gone longer than just a few minutes without speaking to him, you thought. You’d survive. But, if only to appease him, you nodded your head. “Sure.”

You expected him to get up and leave the room, but instead, Ray remained in his seat. He pressed something on his phone screen before holding the device up to his ear, gaze falling to Miyeon, who was still sitting in the boba shop. You looked at her in time to see her smile at her phone screen and accept the incoming call. At that, you faltered momentarily.

She’d just… accepted the call?

_ What the hell? _ You found yourself thinking, incredulous. She wasn’t worried?

“Hi,” you heard Ray launch into his spiel next to you, voice all business. “It’s me, from the chatting room. Thanks for answering the phone.”

He flew into the same explanation of the game that he’d given you. You could barely hear Miyeon’s voice through his phone. She sounded cheerful enough, from what you could gather, and the smile on her face remained. She nodded every so often in response to Ray’s words, appearing incredibly immersed in the conversation.

You propped your elbow on the desk table and leaned into your hand, allowing your fingers to cover your lips, which were tightly pressed together. Your disbelief only increased as their conversation progressed.

Miyeon was responding this situation in the exact opposite way that you had. She was all polite smiles and head-nodding as Ray explained the plot of the app and what would be expected of her. Even when he informed her that she would have to come to a secluded location, Miyeon took it in stride. Though you knew it was likely safer for her to just blindly accept the situation rather than to risk getting taken by force, you couldn’t help the incredulity that flooded your head at how easy-going she was. Miyeon didn’t seem to be worried about her own safety at all. You couldn’t detect any suspicion in her demeanor whatsoever.

Were you seriously more concerned for Miyeon than she was for herself?

_ You’re kidding. _

You remained tuned in to the conversation even though you were already privy to most of the information being relayed to Miyeon. You didn’t feel particularly enlightened by anything that Ray said until you caught a sentence that took you by surprise.

“This location’s in the mountains,” he had said, “and it doesn’t appear on the map. To maintain confidentiality before the release, it’s being developed in a sparsely populated area.”

Sparsely populated mountains…?

You sat still, trying not to let your face betray the shock you were feeling. Your mind began to wander off as you tried desperately to think about the surroundings of your city. You’d spent a lot of time looking off into the horizon, and you couldn’t ever remember seeing any mountains in the edge of the sky. Your mouth went dry.

It made sense, of course. There was no way a cult of this size could properly function if it were surrounded by the general public. If anything, Mint Eye thrived off of the seclusion from mainstream society. They rejected it completely, so you had imagined that they wouldn’t be in the middle of the city. But, hearing for yourself that you truly were stuck in a strange limbo had your thoughts spiraling in every direction. 

Just how far away from the city were you? Would you even be able to find your way back if you escaped?

“I’ll hang up now. I need to get things ready,” Ray continued, oblivious to the anxiety running wild in your head. “So, I’ll see you later.”

And with that, he lowered the phone and ended the call with Miyeon. Immediately, Ray looked up at you, and a smile crossed his face. You were aware that you needed to come back to the present, to interact with him normally, but it was suddenly so much harder to act natural than it had been the last few days.

“She agreed to come,” he informed you. 

“Yeah,” was your unenlightened response, before you finally caught up with your thoughts and forced yourself to speak a little more. “That’s good. What kind of things are you going to get ready?”

Ray’s smile fell into a pout as he hummed, thinking for a few seconds. “I need to have a car sent to her location. After that, I need to make sure her room is in order. So, I’ll have to leave you alone in here for a little while.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach yet again.

“I can’t come with you?” You asked, already feeling an incoming wave of despondency threatening to descend upon your shoulders. “I can help.”

Immediately, Ray shook his head. “No. It’s better if you stay in here. I can finish the preparations alone, and I won’t have to worry about anything happening to you. I shouldn’t be too long, and I’ll stop back in before going to officially greet her.”

Heart thrumming in your chest, you began to feel as if all of your efforts over the last week were for naught. You had been banking on the fact that you might be able to meet Miyeon, slim as the chances of that were. If you could work with her, get her to understand the extent of the danger that she was in by coming here, then you could have banded together. You would have had an ally, someone else to depend on besides yourself, and you both could have made it to safety.

It had never been a very reliable plan, but it was all that you had. You would never be able to accomplish anything if you were going to be stuck in this damned room forever.

Your disappointment must have been written across your face. Ray frowned, and something akin to guilt flashed through his mint-green eyes as he leaned a little closer to you.

“I’m sorry,” he began brushing some of the fringe out of your face, letting the strands of your hair tangle around his fingers gently. “I don’t want to leave you here alone, either. Every time I’m away from you… all I can think about is what you’re doing; whether you’re safe, what you’re thinking about, if you miss me as much as I miss you.”

Ray looked genuinely troubled, and a defeated sigh fell from his lips. “You’re my priority,” he insisted, “but the Savior told me to make sure the tester comes here comfortably. This is something that I have to do so that we can reach Paradise. I’m doing it for you, too. I hope you can understand.”

You bit the inside of your lower lip. Ray was trying so hard to comfort you despite completely misunderstanding why you were upset. He could read your emotions but remained oblivious as to their origins. 

For a second, all you could think about was how tired you were. Tired of the constant let-downs, the lying, and the sneaking around.

But, now that somebody else depended on your actions, you fought a little harder to keep going. If you lost sight of your goal now, you wouldn’t be the only one to suffer the consequences.

Plus, you thought, maybe the chance to be alone in this room could prove beneficial.

So, you tried to reel your thoughts back in before they spun out of control. You might still find another chance, you thought. You  _ hoped _ you would.

“I understand.”

Ray’s distress melted into a smile. The same softness remained in his gaze, which lingered on you for a few minutes longer. It was like he was trying to burn your image into his eyes, like he wanted to hold onto the moment for just a little bit longer. It appeared to genuinely pain him that he had to leave you behind, even if it wouldn’t be for long. Not for the first time, you wondered what exactly went on inside of his head. You doubted you would ever be able to truly understand Ray, both in general and in terms of his care for you, but after spending so much time around him, your curiosity only grew.

“Thank you,” Ray’s voice was gentle, appreciative. You smiled in response.

He stood up and made his way toward one of the file cabinets by the wall. Opening the top drawer, he fished out a phone and handed it to you. For a second, you felt a spark of hope, thinking it might be your own phone, which you hadn’t seen since your arrival, but that hope was short-lived.

“If you need anything, message me with this,” Ray instructed. You nodded, making an effort not to pay too much attention to the phone you were now cradling in your hands.

Ray took hold of his own smartphone, which had been abandoned on the desk, and crossed the room toward the door in a few strides. He paused shortly before turning back around and meeting your eyes once more.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he spoke like he was going away forever. “So wait for me, okay?”

You smiled. “Sure.”

Ray returned your smile. Then, with a swipe of his keycard, he opened the door and stepped outside, letting it fall shut behind him once more. A click sounded, bouncing off the walls in the room, and echoing in your head. 

A thick silence enveloped you. But for the first time, you weren’t sharing it with anybody. The room felt slightly larger, but somehow more imposing with Ray’s absence.

You let your eyes wander about your surroundings again, like it was the first time you were seeing this room. The desk, the computers, the cords, and the file cabinets were all now painfully familiar to you. This room had been your world for half of a month, the only place besides the bathroom that you had spent any measure of time in. You had grown somewhat used to it. But, now that you were alone, it felt different.

Ray wasn’t stupid. You knew that. You hadn’t quite been able to figure out if he noticed your poorly hidden desire to leave, or if he was so blinded by his affection toward you that it clouded his judgment. Either way, you were sure he wouldn’t leave anything too incriminating in a place too easy to find, but at least now you had the opportunity to make sure.

You had a chance. Eyes lowering to the phone, you pressed the power button, illuminating the screen. Your heart was fluttering with nerves despite your efforts not to get your hopes up too high.

Still, sitting inside this room alone, it felt more like uncharted territory than a prison. This was your chance, and you would be damned if you let it slip away from you so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter... I had a bit more trouble with this chapter, if I'm honest. It's one of those where it's essential in the development of the story, but it ultimately felt a bit awkward. I usually write one-shots as opposed to long stories, so I struggle a bit with connecting different arcs (if you can call it that) in a seamless way. It's a challenge for sure. I hope that this is okay, because I really did do my best to make it engaging! At the very least, I hope some of the development of the relationship between Ray and the reader was interesting. I always enjoy writing little tidbits like that.
> 
> So yes, expect the next few chapters to have a bit more substance to them! The main plot is definitely being set into motion now, and I don't want to give anything away, but I will say that I'm really excited! The positive responses I've been getting from you guys play a huge role in this story, as I don't have a lot of confidence in my writing, so please know that each and every Kudos, comment, and bookmark all mean so much to me. I actually didn't grow up speaking a lot of English, so every time I hear that my story is somewhat comprehensive, it really motivates me to continue writing.
> 
> So, please feel free to leave a Kudos or a comment, even if it's just a word or two! I appreciate every single response I get. Hearing from readers is always so rewarding. I hope that this chapter lives up to expectations, because I did struggle with it. I hope everyone is well! Take care!


	6. Blurring the Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you summon what little courage you have and find that things are starting to change, both internally and externally.

It was strangely quiet as you took a few seconds to look around the room.

The space had never been very big nor very densely filled. But now, looking at it with the intent of rifling through as much as you could, it felt a lot larger and more intimidating than ever. You had wondered about what Ray might have had stored in here, especially in the file cabinets, but you had never really thought that he would unintentionally give you an opportunity to look through it. You spared a quick glance around the ceiling, concentrating on where it met with the four walls surrounding you, and were slightly relieved to not find any cameras.

You had looked for surveillance equipment before, but now, knowing you were about to do something that could get you in a lot more trouble, you had the urge to double-check, and then triple-check. When you still didn’t find anything suspicious, the fear that you would eventually run out of time forced yourself to move on.

Ray could still have had ways of monitoring you. In fact, it was very likely that he did, but he was busy at the moment, and you were counting on him being distracted to give you ample time to snoop. The idea of being found out was more than a little daunting, but you weren’t sure if you would get another opportunity like this again.

Still, it was hard to ignore the anxiety trying to convince you to stay still, sit silently, and just do what you were told. But you knew that you couldn’t afford to play it safe; it would get you nowhere. If Mint Eye was willing to drug you and keep you locked up like this, then you would have to force yourself to take just as much action in order to escape. You would not only have to match their efforts, you would have to exceed them.

With that thought in mind, the first thing you did was get up from your chair and scurry over to one of the file cabinets set up against the wall opposite your bedroom door. The drawers weren’t labeled so you started from the top and gave a tug. You shouldn’t have been surprised to find out that it was locked, but you felt your hopes begin to crumble regardless. You moved on to the drawer below, only to find that it was locked as well.

It wasn’t until you got to the third drawer that your hopes were renewed. You’d given it a tug, not expecting anything to open up, but found yourself surprised by the fact that the drawer slid out slightly before getting stuck. You paused for a moment before pulling on it again.

Though it got caught, the drawer definitely slid out farther than the first two you had tried. It wasn’t locked, just stuck. Your heart fluttered in your chest with restored excitement but before proceeding you went momentarily still, listening for any signs that somebody might be outside the door.

When you didn’t hear anything you braced yourself and gave the drawer another hard yank. There was a noisy rattle as the file cabinet endured the abuse, but you managed to pry the drawer open enough to catch sight of a small stack of papers within. You were unable to open the drawer completely- it seemed that the slide was bent- but there was an opening wide enough for you to shove your hand in and wrestle out the papers.

You thanked your lucky stars that, for once, the world seemed to be looking out for you, and hurried to leaf through the stack of papers with shaky hands and sweaty fingers. It didn’t take long for something to stand out to you.

  
  


_ RFA. _

  
  


The header of one page boasted those three letters. You went still for a second, slightly surprised that you’d actually found anything that could possibly have been useful. Even if the information pertained only to the dating app, you’d learned that the app itself was important to Mint Eye in some way. So by extension, the data it contained likely had some significance, even if not much. Either way, it couldn’t hurt to know.

So, you let your eyes wander across the words on the document, absorbing as much of the information as you could.

  
  


_ RFA - Rika’s Fundraising Association _

**_Current Members:_ **

_ Jihyun Kim/V - Leader _

_ Jumin Han _

_ Jaehee Kang _

_ Hyun Ryu/ZEN _

_ Luciel Choi/707 - Security Head _

_ Yoosung Kim _

  
  


None of the names meant anything to you, but you read through them a time or two again, trying to at least familiarize yourself with them. You knew that you wouldn’t be able to come back and reference this information whenever you wanted, but you didn’t have enough time to completely memorize everything you were going to read. So you moved on.

The following pages seemed to carry general information about every character, similar to what you would have expected to find on a Wikipedia page. Every character’s age and birth date, physical description, occupation, and specific role within the RFA was listed. You hadn’t found anything of particular interest until you flipped to the pages about Jihyun Kim and Luciel Choi, the leader and head of security, respectively.

Those two pages were annotated with scrawled handwriting. The words written on pristine white paper were angry, handwriting sharp and messy.

_ LIAR _

_ TRAITOR _

_ HYPOCRITE _

Goosebumps erupted across your flesh and you suddenly felt very cold, a shiver running up your spine. You recognized Ray’s handwriting easily. The anger conveyed through those words was clear as day, and it unsettled you. You had seen Ray upset and emotional multiple times, but never outright angry; not like this. The idea of witnessing someone who was normally so tender toward you in such a rage put you on edge. 

You found yourself remembering the words he had spoken to you while initially advertising his game. He had claimed that certain members had secrets and that the tester would also be responsible for digging those secrets up. These documents didn’t display anything incriminating, but you couldn’t help wondering if Ray’s written words were hints about the secrets. Perhaps those two characters were traitors and liars in the context of the game.

Still, you found yourself dumbfounded by the genuine rage that Ray’s annotations suggested. He seemed personally hurt, upset about the actions taken by AIs of his creation.

It was odd. Once again, you found yourself wondering just what it was about this app that Ray wasn’t telling you. There were secrets he had been keeping, and you were looking at some of the breadcrumbs left behind, but the holes in what you had been told and what you were witnessing were too big to be filled by speculation. This information was new, but not helpful to you at the moment.

It was frustrating, and your confusion was not lessening.

Still, you tried to push aside those thoughts for now. You could think later, but you didn’t know how much time you had to snoop around. The fear brought on by the idea of being caught red-handed spurred you on. You didn’t want to know what would happen if your safety was compromised by Ray catching you in an act of betrayal.

You didn’t want any of the anger you’d just witnessed directed toward you.

The rest of the papers described some of the RFA’s backstory within the app. Apparently, the organization had been active for years and was founded by somebody named Rika. You noted that you hadn’t seen her name in the list of active members. The RFA had also apparently held two parties. Other than that, though, the rest of the papers contained notes, some handwritten and some typed, pertaining to coding and programming, the language of which was much too complicated for you to understand. It was indecipherable and, as such, useless to you.

Once you were finished, you stacked the papers back up as neatly as you could and slid them back through the slot, allowing them to fall back into the drawer. Gathering up your physical strength once more, you shoved your hands against the drawer, forcing it to rattle back shut. You winced at the noise, which was uncomfortably loud and clearly indicative of something suspicious, and sat still for a few seconds to listen outside the room. 

You could hear nothing but the sound of your own beating heart, impossibly loud amidst the silence within the room.

With a sigh, you got back to work. The rest of the drawers were all locked, and you found you weren’t too surprised. Ray didn’t seem the type to leave anything up to chance, and you getting even one drawer open felt more like a fluke than anything. Had you not been pulling at it with panic-induced strength, you might not have noticed that it was broken rather than locked like the rest.

Your next order of business was to inspect the phone you had been given. It was a standard smartphone, nothing special about it visually. It lacked a passcode and let you in with ease, opening up to the home screen.

For a second, you just stared blankly at the background of the home screen, a standard photo of red carnations. You hadn’t thought much about what you would do if you got ahold of a phone, mostly because you never assumed that Ray would just hand you one. You also didn’t have anyone missing you, that much was for certain. You doubted that you would have even been reported missing. With no one to contact, the only thing you could really think to do was to try calling for emergency services.

Your finger paused, hovering over the Telephone app. Hesitation swam in your stomach. To say that Ray was technologically proficient would be an understatement. He had accessed your phone without you knowing, and you’d witnessed him hacking into the security systems of different stores and accessing the city’s CCTV systems without breaking a sweat. It was second nature to him. With that in mind, you found yourself wondering what the chances were that he had installed some sort of spyware onto the phone he had given you.

You didn’t need to think long for the answer to come to you. The chance was extremely high. If Ray was willing to keep you locked up in this room solely so that you wouldn’t have to interact with anyone besides him, you doubted he would have any newly acquired sense of morality preventing him from monitoring your activities on this phone.

Still, though, the chance of freedom was staring right at you. You knew that you were far removed from civilization and that it would take a while for any police to arrive, but as long as you didn’t meet an untimely end before their arrival, you would probably be okay. It would be less of a risk than trying to escape by yourself, and the chances of that ending in failure were very high. 

Besides, would Ray really hurt you that bad?

You pressed your lips together, deep in thought. It made you uncomfortable to admit to yourself that, even though you’d been around Ray for a decent amount of time at this point, you still didn’t really know him or what he was capable of. Besides having you drugged initially, Ray hadn’t physically harmed you himself, but the idea of chancing injury was daunting. 

In the end, though, you couldn’t play it safe. If you ever wanted to get out, you were going to have to start taking chances, even if the thought of doing so petrified you.

With your mind made up, you tapped the Telephone icon, heart thumping with a renewed vigor against the walls of your chest. The app opened up to the contacts page, but you paid it no mind, quickly tapping on the tab for the dial pad.

Nothing happened.

Had the phone already frozen?

You tapped a few more times, but nothing changed. The screen remained stagnant. Eyebrows furrowed, you sat still for a moment, trying to figure out why the phone wasn’t working. An audible groan escaped your mouth when your mind finally caught up.

_ Of course _ . Ray would have disabled anything he didn’t want you accessing. Even that wouldn’t take a seasoned hacker to do. Parental controls were easy to implement and difficult to get around. A familiar frustration filled your veins. If it hadn’t been agitating enough to be locked up and fawned over, now you were being treated like a child, too. While you weren’t surprised, you were considerably annoyed.

You remained still for a few seconds. The combined aftermath of both your anxiety and your hopes being simultaneously crushed was heavy, but there was nothing you could do. You should have known, really. Ray was far too meticulous to leave any open ends, especially where you were concerned. He wouldn’t have risked anything that could have led to you escaping Magenta.

When you finally turned your attention back to the phone, you took the time to look closer at the contacts. There was a single contact registered on the phone, as you had expected. You couldn’t add any new numbers or compose messages to anyone other than Ray.

This phone really was meant for you to be able to contact him, and nothing else.

The next thing you tried was to attempt accessing the Maps app. Your phone had data or Wi-Fi of some sort, considering you were supposed to be able to make calls with it, so if you could access a map, your phone should be able to reveal your location to you. Your hopes had already been stepped on by your first failure, though. So when you were disallowed access to the Maps app, all you could do was sigh, disappointed but not surprised.

Afterward, you spent a little while perusing the Settings app, rifling through the different options in a lackluster attempt to disable some of the restrictions Ray had put in place, but your expectations were low enough that when you didn’t find anything, you didn’t feel too shocked. You shut the phone screen off after a few more minutes. There was nothing else you could think to do with it. Dejected, you set the phone down onto the desk and slumped into your chair, sighing deeply. Your escapade had finally come to a disappointing end, and you felt burnt out.

The information that you’d gained through your investigation was meager, and you couldn’t help feeling slightly let down. It wasn’t like you’d expected to find anything vital; you knew Ray well enough to be sure he wouldn’t leave anything incriminating in a place too easy for anyone to find. But still, you’d hoped for something more. All you had really found was a shallow biography about the RFA and its list of members, and while it was something, it wasn’t much. They weren’t even real.

You tried to remind yourself that the RFA, despite being fictional, carried some sort of significance to Mint Eye, the Savior, and Ray. If his enraged annotations on the pages about Luciel Choi and Jihyun Kim were proof of anything, it was that Ray felt personally offended by them to some capacity. 

You couldn’t help wondering why. Ray was a mysterious enough person, and the more you learned about him, the more questions you were left with.

* * *

Your newly acquired intel wasn’t enough to completely preoccupy your thoughts until Ray came back. 

You were bored most of the time, even when Ray was present, but with him gone, you were left with ample opportunity to overthink.

You knew better than to consider trying to look through Ray’s computer. He excelled at anything computer-related, from hacking to coding and everything in between. He was meticulous in his work and paranoid regarding anything sensitive, and you knew that if there was anything that would give you away, it would be accidentally triggering an alarm by trying to access something you weren’t supposed to. You were even suspicious of the phone he’d given you. Your access was already limited to just messaging him, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he had installed some other form of spyware onto the device. 

You wanted to get out, and it was impossibly difficult not to act on the nervous energy that had filled your bloodstream, but you knew that if you were sloppy, you would get caught. Ray liked you quite a lot, but he wasn’t stupid, and you doubted that he trusted you completely. If he lost what little faith he had in you, all bets would be off. You already felt confined as it was, and you didn’t want to know how much worse it could get.

When you remembered the conversation that you’d had with the Savior a week ago, you felt even more trapped. Not only was the little freedom that remained to you in danger, but ultimately, so was your life. You had no idea what that woman was capable of. She was eerily comfortable forcing drugs down your throat and watching you squirm. She knew that you weren’t comfortable in Mint Eye, but you weren’t even considered a bug worth squashing. You were nothing to the Savior but a tool to keep Ray in check. You doubted she would bat an eyelash at disposing of you if you got caught pushing the limits. 

So, you sat in silence and waited. You welcomed the break from surveillance and programming, so you didn’t bother messing with your laptop. But there wasn’t much of anything else to do to pass the time. 

You had eventually dozed off, slumped over with your arms folded atop the desk, head resting in the crook of your elbows. You had meant to stay awake, to fully appreciate what little time you had to truly unwind by yourself. But you soon discovered that the comfort you found in solitude exacerbated your fatigue and quickly put you to sleep. Having someone looking over at you all the time, feeling confined and stifled amidst the company of another person, was more exhausting than you had expected.

It was a heavy, dreamless nap, so much so that it took a while for the vibrating of your new phone to pull you out of the recesses of your nap. You looked up, eyebrows furrowed and head pounding, waiting a few seconds for your gaze to lock on the phone. It took a second for your mind to catch up, thoughts still clouded by the remnants of a thick sleep.

You finally registered that it was  _ your _ phone ringing and that you were meant to pick it up. With a curse, you shot up and grabbed the device, accepting the call in the speed of light.

“Hello?” Your voice was hoarse from disuse and you rubbed your temples, already anticipating the worsening of your headache after taking so long to pick up.

_ “Hm?” _ Ray’s voice sounded concerned like you had expected it to.  _ “Were you asleep? It took you a long time to pick up.” _

You kept the next curse confined to your own thoughts. Your mouth felt dry, but there was no water bottle in the immediate vicinity.

“Um.. yeah,” your answer sounded as unenlightened as you felt, and you stifled a yawn. “Sorry, I fell asleep.”

Ray sighed on the other end of the phone, sounding relieved.  _ “I see. I was worried.” _

You were already slightly irritable after being woken up so suddenly, and you found yourself wondering if there was a point to this phone call, or if it was just another one of the world’s attempts to strip you of decent rest. Keeping your ugly thoughts trapped in your head was a skill you’d been developing over the past few weeks, though, so it was easy enough to remain cordial.

“Sorry,” you apologized again, despite knowing that there was truly no reason for you to do so. “I’ll pick up faster next time.”

_ “No, it’s okay. I should be sorry for waking you up. I just missed your voice so much… I needed to hear you,” _ Ray launched into his usual spiel, during which you kept quiet.  _ “I hate being away from you even for a second. This is the longest we’ve been apart for weeks. I thought that calling would help, but it’s just making me miss you more. I want to look at your eyes when I talk to you.” _

There was a gap in the conversation which you were clearly meant to fill. It wasn’t often that Ray expected a reply from you after rambling about his affections, but you supposed that the distance was making him needier than usual. It was more than a little uncomfortable for you. You didn’t enjoy his attention in the first place, and pretending to reciprocate his feelings was an exhausting task, especially when your motivation was lacking.

Had you really been woken up for this?

“Yeah,” you managed a reply after a few seconds, “I do too.”

Calling your response lackluster would be generous, but when Ray wasn’t sitting directly in front of you, you didn’t feel quite as pressured to keep up your usual act. It wasn’t like he could see your expression, after all.

_...Right? _

You woke up a little more at that thought. You had just been snooping around and had made a considerable racket while doing so. That couldn’t have been why he was calling, though. He couldn’t have known, right?

You looked up and scanned the walls and ceilings for cameras again quickly, paranoia reignited with a fury. Once again, you found nothing, but the fear introduced by anxious thoughts had woken you back up completely. Had you really been instilled with the need to look over your shoulder constantly, after having been here for just over two weeks?

You felt the sudden need to ascertain that Ray truly wasn’t calling you because he knew what you had been up to. You weren’t sure how to go about obtaining that information without giving yourself away, but words tumbled out of your mouth before you could think too much.

“Um,” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat but it remained, stubborn as ever. “Are you okay?”

_ “Hm? What do you mean?” _ Hearing Ray over the phone like this, coupled with the intense paranoia washing through your body, brought back memories of your first interactions with him. The reminders of that time weren’t welcome, and they brought with them a deep discomfort.

You were making your anxiety too obvious, but reeling it back in after losing control was always difficult. A heavy sigh fell from your lips as a blanket of exhaustion covered you from head to toe once again. 

You were so tired of this. Constantly trying to stifle your emotions, walking on eggshells, obsessing about trying to escape Mint Eye; it all felt unfair. It must have been from the disorienting nap you’d just had, but you suddenly felt overcome by self-pity. Why had this happened to you?

Why  _ you? _ It didn’t make any sense. Your eyes burned and you forced your eyelids shut, leaning your head back and willing yourself not to cry.

How long had it been since you cried? And how had you gone two weeks at this place without crying?

Ray’s voice was soft when he spoke your name. You bit your quivering lip, letting the sharp pain from teeth digging into soft flesh ground you just enough to bring you back to reality. There was a time for you to give in to your emotions, but that time wasn’t now. Not with Ray around. The last thing you wanted was for him to know just how miserable you felt, and that your misery had been constant since your arrival to Magenta.

_ “What’s wrong?” _ Ray sounded surprisingly anxious, as if he was able to detect your emotions through the phone.  _ “Are you upset? Do you need me to come back? If I skip the time I had set aside to eat, I can hurry back and see you.” _

You could hear rustling from his end like he was making sudden, sharp movements. 

“No, Ray, I’m fine,” you hurried to stop him, opening your eyes once again. The world was blurry as a result of the moisture gathering in your eyes, but you managed to keep your voice from quivering. “I’m a little disoriented from napping, that’s all. Please don’t skip your meal.”

The rustling came to a halt.

_ “Are you sick?” _ The concern in Ray’s voice was almost palpable; you felt that if you could reach through the phone, you might be able to feel it.  _ “I don’t want you to be alone if you are. I know I have to work- Savior will be disappointed with me if I fail, but if you’re not well, she might understand that I need to be with you.” _

You rushed to stop his train of thought before it derailed completely, lest he work himself into an unconsolable frenzy. The last thing that you needed was the Savior on your case. 

“No, no, I promise I’m okay,” you insisted, sitting up straighter in your chair. “I just wasn’t completely awake yet. I know you have work to do, and it’s okay. I understand. Finish what you need to finish. You know I’ll be here when you come back.”

A few seconds of silence stretched out, and you could imagine the look that Ray must have been wearing as he thought. You heard another deep sigh before Ray spoke again.  _ “Okay. I’ll finish up here and greet the tester, but then I’ll come back as quickly as I can. You should go back to resting. I don’t want you to get sick. Of course, I would tend to you, but I’d rather not see you suffer anymore.” _

“Yeah, I’ll rest up,” you twirled a stray thread from the hem of your shirt around your finger absentmindedly. “I won’t get sick. But Ray, make sure you eat something, alright? You should care for yourself, too.”

Ray’s smile was audible through his voice. It was clear that he enjoyed your fussing over his health.  _ “I’ll eat,” _ he reassured you.  _ “I’ll get going, then, and hurry back to you. Go back to sleep until then, okay? Bye.” _

And with that, he ended the call.

You set the phone back down with a sigh. The tears that had been gathering in your eyes were gone, you realized. You always hated having to push your own emotions aside to focus on keeping Ray from suspecting anything, but you would be damned if it wasn’t an effective distraction. It was slowly becoming more natural for you to lie to Ray. You supposed it made sense; after being at Mint Eye for half a month, it was beginning to turn into a new normal. Even if that normal was unpredictable, uncomfortable, and more threatening than you had preferred, you were beginning to grow used to it.

You twirled the threat around your finger again, watching it dig into the skin as you pulled. 

You had always had a habit of slipping up around Ray. As much as he made you feel extremely uneasy, and as much as you had to constantly walk on eggshells around him, he remained the only person that you interacted with. You hardly had a minute to yourself and he was extremely overbearing, so he was always there when your emotions bubbled to the surface of your facade.

It was uncomfortable to imagine that you had become so vulnerable around Ray. Ever since getting into that car, you were completely dependent on him for survival. You tugged a little bit harder on the thread. It dug into your skin even more, indenting it painfully, but you were too absorbed in your thoughts to care.

It wasn’t your fault that you were desperate. You had been lonely for a long time, after all. You were still able to recognize that what Ray was doing wasn’t okay and that your resulting discomfort was understandable and completely normal. But even with that knowledge, your frustration toward yourself continued to rise. You couldn’t help worrying that you would grow too comfortable with Ray. It had only been two weeks. What would happen when weeks turned to months, or even a year? Would you have the strength of mind to keep resisting, or would you grow apathetic again, as you had before?

You tugged too hard. The thread snapped off, and the pressure it had been exerting into your finger lessened. The indents remained, though, red and slightly sore, throbbing as you felt your mind wandering again.

_ No. _ You wouldn’t let that happen. It was that same lethargy that had brought you to make the stupid decisions that led you to Mint Eye. If you had slipped up bad enough to result in your captivity in a cult, you couldn’t imagine where you would find yourself if you didn’t fix things fast.

* * *

It was the moving of Ray’s chair next to you that woke you up the second time. You found yourself slumped over the desk again, and the first thing you registered was a dull aching in your back after having been bent over for so long. You weren’t sure exactly what time it was, but it felt late. Lifting your head off of your folded arms, you looked up at Ray, who was gazing at you from his own seat.

His eyes were soft and clearly tired, but he still smiled at you. “You look cute when you’re sleeping. I really missed you.”

A sketchy start, you thought, but it could have been worse.

“How did it go?” You asked, propping your head up on your hand.

“It went fine,” was Ray’s response. “She’s enthusiastic about playing the game and didn’t seem to mind that she can’t wander far. I can monitor the chatrooms from here, so hopefully, I won’t have to leave you alone too often.”

You nodded but didn’t say anything. After mentioning Miyeon in conversation, the gears in your mind began to turn once again. You were slowly waking up as thoughts and ideas filled your head.

There  _ had _ to be a way you could convince Ray to let you meet Miyeon.

“Though,” he started again, the corners of his lips lifting up a bit more, accompanied by a dusting of rose pink across his cheeks, “it’s nice that I can come back here and see you. Before you came, I was in here alone all of the time. Now, even when I come back late at night, I get to see you waiting for me. It’s such a sweet feeling. I missed you the whole time that I was gone. All I could think about was your face, your voice, and what you might be doing as you waited.”

Ray sounded more emotional than usual, you thought. You wondered if something had happened to cause such strong sentiments, but there was no way of knowing, and you had more important things to consider.

Maybe you could try to use this to your advantage, though.

“Ray, can I talk to you about something?” You asked, lifting your head back up from its perch on your hand.

The expression on Ray’s face changed from tender to inquisitive, but he nodded. “Of course.”

You remained silent for a few more seconds, trying to figure how to articulate your thoughts in a way that might work to your benefit. 

“When the Savior and I spoke last, she talked to me about my role here,” you began. “She said that she expected me to help you with your work, and right now I feel like I’m sitting back while you do everything.”

You fidgeted with your fingers as you continued. “I’m not good with computers like you are, so I’m not helpful there. While you were gone, I was thinking. Since I’m still new to Mint Eye, I might be able to relate to Miyeon a bit more. I could help her and be useful that way.”

Ray’s eyebrows furrowed, and he retreated deep into thought for a moment. The expression that crossed his face wasn’t very promising. You maintained eye contact with him, though, heart thumping with loud anxiety as you hoped desperately that you could find a way to make your proposal work.

You had to make it work. If you couldn’t find a way out of this room, you couldn’t meet with Miyeon, your chances of escape would completely disappear. There was no way you could let that happen.

You were desperate, so you pushed a little more.

“Look,” you tried again, “I know you’re worried. I won’t talk to her about the game. I can just bring her food or something. You could even come. But I think it’d make her more comfortable to have somebody to talk to that can understand her position, and the Savior wants me to help you with your work anyways. This is a good way to do that.”

Ray’s shoulders were tense, and his jaw clenched. You could practically see him thinking, but you couldn’t tell what was running through his mind. It made you nervous to have him looking at you this way, his gaze so intense that it left you feeling like he was trying to peer into your head. Like he didn’t quite trust you. He was completely still for a few more seconds, before sighing. The movement caused a few strands of hair to fall into his face, but he didn’t move to fix it.

“Is being in here, with me, not good enough?” Ray’s question was sudden, and the hurt in his voice was clear. You felt your heart drop, but you couldn’t get a word in before he continued. “You’re helpful enough by just being by my side. If you leave, you might never come back. I know that I’m not good enough for you, but I  _ need _ you. I can’t be abandoned anymore.”

Ray’s eyes were wide, filled with tears, and swimming with intense emotion. It bled into his voice, which quivered as he spoke, his usual composure becoming clouded by desperation. His hands were clenched into tight fists, trembling atop his lap.

Ray looked wounded by your suggestion, but he looked equally as vulnerable. His reaction to your proposal suggested that the world had taken advantage of him one too many times and was trying to do so again, but this time through you. You felt like you were getting a deeper glance into his mind for the first time, and the anguish that you had found twisted your heart uncomfortably.

Looking at him like this, Ray seemed much more human than you had remembered seeing him before. Instead of your captor, a person you had to tiptoe around, he seemed more authentic, even if his authenticity arose from the suffering he was permitting you to see. You weren’t sure why, but you felt a sudden pity wash over you as Ray held your gaze, large tears falling from mint eyes and leaving trails of moisture down his cheeks.

You had spent more nights than you could recall on the floor of your bathroom in the dark hours of the early morning, captured in a recurring nightmare of anguish so intense that all you could do was let yourself cry. Those nights were burned into your memory, so much so that just by recalling them, you could almost feel the pain like it was attacking you once again. You knew what it was like to have nobody to comfort you, and the agony that came with sitting alone amidst suffering so intense it consumed your being and blackened your mind.

You remembered eventually succumbing to exhaustion, getting short hours of restless sleep, and waking up with a throat hoarse from hours of crying. The headaches that followed were unrelenting, and your energy would have been so drained that all you could allow yourself to do was continue laying on the ground until the sun crossed the sky again, watching you as it did so, but not making a single move to help.

When you looked at Ray, sitting in front of you in his current state, those memories returned to the front of your mind. Your heart ached for him.

Without thinking, you wheeled your chair over toward him, crossing the short distance in a few seconds. You took his gloved fists into your hands, holding them tightly.

“I’m not abandoning you,” you tried to keep your voice smooth, running your thumbs over his knuckles as you spoke. “I came here for you, remember? I just want to help. You work hard enough as it is. I don’t want your health to suffer.”

You let yourself act recklessly, trying to summon the same tender affection that Ray showed you. You let go of his hands to brush away the bangs that had fallen into his face. They had been stuck to his cheeks, dampened by the tears that continued to fall freely from his eyes. After you freed his face from the excess fringe, you cupped his cheeks and gently wiped under his eyes with your thumbs. His skin was soft, warm from the flush brought on by emotions, and when he blinked, more tears fell from his eyes. They rolled down to your hands, moistening your own skin, and it was clear that they had no intention of stopping soon.

As you let your eyes wander over his face, taking in the distress that showed so clearly, you noticed his eyelashes, wet from crying, were a deep red.

Ray let out another quivering sigh and, forcing his eyelids shut, he practically melted into your touch. His head lowered as he slumped forward, leaning into you and settling his forehead onto your shoulder. You removed your hands from his face and instead wrapped one of your arms loosely around his torso. Your other hand traveled upward to cradle his head, fingers tangling into his hair, dried from repeated bleaching. Ray continued to tremble into your embrace, breathing unsteady and shoulders shaking.

It should have felt uncomfortable to have your captor crying into your embrace, but at the moment, all that you felt was a deep pity for Ray. The understanding you held for his pain had clouded your judgment quickly, and you found that in the moment, you didn’t mind letting him lean on you. Ray was allowing you to see him like this, extremely vulnerable, with his hurt out in the open, and you didn’t even think to turn him away. You carelessly allowed your reservations to fade away momentarily, choosing not to remember all that he had done to you and how much you had suffered since coming to Mint Eye.

You didn’t completely comprehend why he was crying. You knew that Ray was deeply afraid of losing you, and it was that same anxiety which prevented him from allowing you any sort of freedom. But beyond that, you didn’t understand a thing, and something told you that his issues went a lot deeper than just being clingy.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything for a few, long minutes. You remained still, threading your fingers through the strands of Ray’s hair, the silence in the room broken only by his occasional sniffles and shaky breathing. You didn’t truly know Ray at all, so beyond letting him cry onto your shoulder, you were at a loss as to how to properly comfort him.

You wanted to drop the subject, if only so Ray would stop crying, but you tried to think past your sympathy for him, to remember why you were doing this in the first place. With your goals reaffirmed, you found the courage to speak again.

“I’m not going to leave you,” you said eventually, keeping your voice as gentle as possible as it broke the thick silence. “It’ll make me really happy if you let me help you. So please, let me. For you, and for paradise.”

Ray remained quiet for a little bit longer, leaving you to think over your words a few more times, hoping that they would be enough. Everything was riding on your plan to meet Miyeon. You had to make this work.

You weren’t sure what you would do if this plan failed you, too.

Eventually, though, Ray lifted his head from your shoulders. You released him from your embrace and moved your hands back down to grasp his with the hope that the continued physical contact would encourage him to make a decision in your favor. He met your gaze again, eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot. His hair was mussed, the bags under his eyes seemed darker, and his cheeks were blotchy after having cried so much. It seemed like Ray was trying to read your thoughts as he stared at you in silence, and you only hoped that you seemed sincere enough. His eyes held a different intensity than usual, locking you in place. Your breathing seemed too loud in the silent room, and you were afraid that you would give away your anxiety if you didn’t keep yourself completely composed.

You could have cried out of relief when he finally nodded his head.

“Okay,” Ray’s voice was still thick with emotion, but it was much less quivery than before. “But, I’ll go with you.”

Your face broke out into a wide smile before you could stop it. You briefly felt bad for sporting a grin when Ray was looking at you with such misery, but you couldn’t deny the relief that flooded your system. It was the first time in a long while that something was working in your favor.

You squeezed his hands. “Thank you.”

Ray nodded once more, uncurling his fists to lace his fingers through your own. Though he was holding your hands as tenderly as always, there was no smile gracing his lips as there usually was. He seemed drained, so fatigued that you could almost feel it yourself. Ray was no longer crying, but he somehow seemed more miserable.

Against your wishes, your heart filled with sympathy once more.

You couldn’t excuse Ray’s actions. You would never dream of defending some of the things that he had done to you. The stalking, the drugging, confining you to a small space and keeping you to himself; none of it was okay, and a part of you resented him for it greatly.

But on the other hand, watching Ray fall apart in front of you the way that he just had brought with it a new perspective. After seeing him in such a vulnerable state, you couldn’t deny the part of you that pitied him. Whether it stemmed from your ability to empathize with his pain or if it had formed as a result of the time you had spent with him, you weren’t sure. You had known that Ray relied on you greatly for a sense of stability and that keeping you around him was in some way comforting to him, but having him fall apart on your shoulder wasn’t something that you had seen coming. You also hadn’t expected that the same part of you that pitied him would fill you with an exigent urge to console him.

The more time you spent around Ray, the more he opened up to you, and the more you saw him as a human being as opposed to just someone whom you had to outsmart. He seemed less like an enemy when he allowed you to witness him in such an emotional state. And when you saw Ray looking so defeated, it brought about the realization that your urge to help was slowly becoming more sincere. You genuinely didn’t want to see him in so much pain.

You were conflicted by the realization that you didn’t hate him quite as much as you’d thought in the beginning. It was easier to speak with Ray, to allow him to invade your space. While you initially thought that you were just becoming desensitized to his behavior, you now knew that if you looked deep enough inside yourself, it was obvious that you felt bad for him.

You couldn’t allow it to get out of hand, though. Feeling bad for Ray was dangerous. It put you in a position where inevitably betraying his trust would slowly become harder and harder for you to do. You would only hate yourself more.

But even so, there was no way you could resign to staying in Mint Eye. When you remembered the elixir, the Savior’s threatening words, and the terror you’d felt upon arriving at Magenta, it only reaffirmed your need to escape. Even if you were sympathizing with Ray and would ultimately feel bad for betraying his trust, you couldn’t compromise your safety for him. 

  
But as you watched Ray holding your hands tenderly in his own, gazing at them as if they were the most precious things in the world, you couldn’t ignore the traces of dread that were beginning to line your stomach. 

You were starting to feel like you had unknowingly started down a path that was leading in a different direction from the one you’d been trying to go in. And when you turned around, there was a wall behind you, blocking your way out.

You couldn’t go back anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I get worried that I'm making things change too fast, but then I look at the word count to this story and realize that I'm going to have to start introducing some development sooner or later, lol. Either way, I'm trying to keep it as realistic as possible! While I've never been kidnapped and confined in a cult (and don't plan on ever letting that happen), I can imagine that at least in the Reader's situation, things are bound to get confusing.
> 
> Anyways, I really enjoyed writing this chapter- especially the interaction between Ray and the reader at the end. I'm hoping it introduces some of the conflicts the Reader's experiencing in a believable way. Their relationship with Ray is very complicated, and it'll remain that way for a while. There's a lot of secrets, a lot of pressure, and a lot of unresolved issues for everyone involved.
> 
> I hope this chapter was enjoyable for everyone! As I said, I had a lot of fun with it. Things are going to get more complicated from here on out. I really appreciate everyone who left Kudos and comments on the last chapter. I really love hearing what you all have to say- it lets me know how this story is being perceived, and the feedback is both useful and extremely motivating. So, if you ever have anything to say, even if it's just a word or two, please consider leaving a comment! It makes my entire day to hear from my readers. Seriously, I refresh my email multiple times a day haha.
> 
> I hope everyone is well! Please take care and stay healthy, especially those of us in the US (lol). Until next time!!


	7. First Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you expand your social circle, take a chance, and teeter on the edge of a cliff.

You couldn’t sleep well that night. Your thoughts ran wild without mercy, keeping you up despite your exhaustion. There was too much to think about; too much to consider, and there was no way you could sleep while a whirlwind of anxieties tore through your mind.

The last two weeks that you had spent with Ray felt like limbo. It had been like you were in a world of your own, removed from everybody else. Time didn’t seem real to you, stuck in this small room without windows, unable to watch the world go by. You had been doing the same thing every day for two long weeks, sitting in the same seat in the same room, looking at the same computer screens for hours on end. 

As you laid awake that night, you came to a realization that the world hadn’t actually stopped moving, you had just been denied the opportunity to witness any changes. Everything had felt so slow in your limbo, like nothing was progressing. In reality, you had just been blind to the small changes taking place around you, painfully oblivious until they all stacked on top of each other and exploded, no longer content to be ignored.

When you actually took the time to look back you realized that in actuality, everything had changed in the two weeks that you had spent at Magenta. You had started out as quiet, unmotivated, and absorbed in your own head. You had been equal parts angry and forlorn, jumping back and forth quickly and suddenly between fiery emotions. You either hated the world around you and everyone in it, or you were so tired that the urge to give up and accept your circumstances was hard to ignore.

Now, you felt like things were starting to take a turn.

You were still angry. You were still tired. But the part of you that was naturally empathetic had allowed for the slow development of sympathy toward the one person you weren’t supposed to feel sympathetic to. It would have been so much easier if you just hated Ray for making you uncomfortable, for taking advantage of your vulnerabilities, for invading your space. He had manipulated you with his vague descriptions of a paradise, allowing for the opportunity to drag you away, knowing nobody would miss you. He reacted poorly when you expressed any emotions he didn’t like, but bombarded you with his own anxieties when he had the slightest suspicion that you might leave. It was unfair and you should have continued to hate him. But you couldn’t.

Ray wasn’t stupid by any means, but something about him seemed almost pathetic. When you looked past all of the things he did that you hated, you suspected the existence of a person who’d been irreversibly wounded, sporting injuries that had never been properly addressed and had continued to fester.

You didn’t know a thing about his life or what he had experienced. And even if you did, you had to remind yourself that Ray’s suffering would never be an excuse for what he was putting you through. But still, you were undeniably curious, and you worried that your curiosity would put you in danger.

There was too much going on around you; too much to think about. Your feelings were too complicated, and you couldn't afford to spend the whole night trying to untangle them. So you attempted to redirect your focus toward your plan. You were going to meet Miyeon and hopefully find a way to speak to her alone. Ray would be accompanying you, but if you kept on pushing, you might be lucky enough to interact with her one-on-one.

You hadn’t really thought about what you would say to her. Even if you did find a way to speak with her alone, how would you explain the situation? You weren’t sure how much Miyeon knew about the place she was at, and you doubted she was being given enough freedom to find out on her own. She was definitely being taken advantage of, and you weren’t sure if she had started to realize that yet, or if she still remained unaware.

A small sigh left your lips. Running yourself in circles wouldn’t get you anywhere. You had questions, but you could only speculate. You supposed you’d find out some of the answers soon enough.

You eventually fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

It felt like you woke up earlier than usual the next morning. You had never had to devote yourself to a specific schedule since losing your job, so you were used to letting your body sleep as much as came naturally. At the time, you spent long nights awake, and had subsequently started to sleep later into the morning. Ever since coming to Magenta, though, the constant anxiety that plagued your mind prevented you from sleeping in the way that you used to.

Usually, you woke up disoriented, and spend a few minutes trying to come to. This morning was different, because as soon as you remembered today’s itinerary, the previous night’s anticipation returned and you woke right up. You sat up in your bed, heart beginning to thunder with the realization that today, you would be putting into action the plan that you had spent a week obsessing over. It was nerve-wracking in more ways than one. A large part of you dreaded sneaking around, knowing that if you were caught, the consequences would be dire.

But really, what choice did you have? You couldn’t stay here forever.

You glanced over at the nightstand. The flowers in the vase had been switched out again, this time to a few calla lilies. Ray must have done so while you were asleep, you thought. Because there were no windows in your room, the flowers were usually changed every day or two so they wouldn’t wilt. It was something small, but you enjoyed the variety. The flowers added a little bit of life to your room. You knew Magenta had a garden, and you assumed that was where Ray got the flowers from. You wondered what it looked like. Considering the wide variety of flowers you’d already seen, you imagined that it was likely pretty and well-taken care of.

While you would normally have waited a little while before getting up, you had too much nervous energy this morning to stay still for much longer. You left the warmth and comfort of your bed and smoothed out the blankets a bit before moving to the door. It was ajar, as usual. You always closed the door before going to bed, but upon waking up, you would find it open again. It was unsettling to think that Ray would look at you while you slept. While you had never caught him doing so, you wouldn’t put it past him. You were becoming adept at pushing that thought away as soon as it arrived, though, and moved on. 

You pulled the door open to see Ray sitting at his computer as usual, with the same slouch in his posture. He had his chin resting in his palm, elbow propped on the desk. When you looked at the computer screen, you found it displaying a chatroom similar to the one Ray had used to contact you. Without all of the code in the background, it looked rather nice, with text boxes of different colors atop a backdrop of a scenic sky. The text was moving rapidly as if several people were talking at once, but you were too far away to read it.

Was that the RFA chatroom?

The screen changed back to the desktop, and your attention moved back to Ray when he called your name. His gaze was on you, a smile upturning the corners of his lips. 

“Good morning,” he greeted. “Did you sleep well?”

You nodded in response to Ray’s question. He seemed to be in a considerably better mood than he had been in last night. The bags under his eyes remained pronounced, dark and puffy. They stood out in contrast to his pale skin and bright eyes.

“Did you sleep?” You asked, taking the few steps to reach your desk chair.

Ray shook his head. “No. There was too much to do. Now that the tester has started to play the game, I need to monitor her progress and look at the data. I’m going to be a bit busier until the party is held.”

You mulled over his words silently. How much did the Savior expect one person to do? You found yourself bitter at the thought that she was dumping that much work onto Ray. If the work was that important, wouldn’t it have been better to split it among other people? It wasn’t like there was any shortage of other Believers. There had to be somebody else who was technologically proficient.

“I see,” you said. “Well, make sure to sleep at least a bit.”

“I’ll try,” Ray responded. He went silent for a few seconds, still gazing at you with the same tenderness that he always regarded you with. “It feels really sweet when you care for me. I’ve never had that from somebody before. I hope you never stop.”

As if suddenly struck by a thought, Ray sat up straight in his chair. “That’s right,” he remarked, “I actually have something to give you.”

His words caught your attention and you felt a bit of excitement, like a child awaiting a gift. It wasn’t like you really had any personal belongings anymore, besides a phone that was probably bugged. You remained quiet as Ray grabbed something from atop a pile of papers on the desk. He turned back to you and held out a card. 

“It’s your keycard,” Ray explained as you accepted it, looking over the smooth plastic. “Every Believer has one. You’ll need to have it on you when you’re walking around Magenta. You’ll only be going to see the tester, so when you get back I’ll hold onto it for you.”

The card itself was a dark green, almost black, and the same eye that you assumed was Mint Eye’s logo was on the right side of the card. Next to it was a photo of you. It was the same one used on your government IDs. Seeing your face directly next to the cult’s logo was uncomfortable, though, like it solidified your involvement. It gave off the impression that you were involved with this willingly, which made you feel gross. Still, you redirected your gaze to Ray and sent him a small smile.

“Thanks,” you ran your fingers over the edges of the plastic as you spoke. “Can’t I hold onto it, though?”

Ray shook his head. “You won’t need it as long as I’m here. You haven’t this far. You shouldn’t be going anywhere alone, so it’s just a precaution.”

So, you’d had a keycard the whole time, and Ray was just holding onto it for you?

_ How thoughtful _ .

You shouldn’t have really been surprised. Ray had never been excited about the prospect of you doing much of anything without him. You had the feeling that you wouldn’t be able to talk him into changing his mind, and you didn’t want to risk losing the opportunity to meet Miyeon. So you decided to relent for the time being.

“Alright. Then, I’ll go to the bathroom.” You turned to the door, readying your card, but Ray was out of his seat to accompany you before you had the chance to use it. 

You hadn’t really been expecting him to let you go alone, anyways.

* * *

Magenta was bigger than you had expected.

You recalled that you had never seen the outside of the building. You had never even wandered past the bathroom so to you, Magenta had always felt small and cramped. With that preconception, it was exciting to you to finally be allowed to see more of the building, with its glittery white walls and royal blue curtains. 

It really was a beautiful place. If you hadn’t been there under your current circumstances, you may have enjoyed the idea of taking a leisurely stroll to explore the plethora of rooms Magenta had to offer. What a shame, you thought, that the same sparkling walls contained such nightmarish secrets.

Ray opted to hold your hand during the entire walk, keeping you close to him as he led you down the halls. There were a considerable amount of Believers about, clad in the same dark robes as always. Seeing so many of them dressed so ominously still put you on edge, and you avoided looking at any of them too closely. Every time you took notice of them, all you could remember was the hands on your body as you were carried from the car and the way that you were roughly held in place as the Savior forced the elixir down your throat. Those robes were forever associated with some of the most frightening moments of your life. Even if the clothes didn’t bother you, the lifeless way that the Believers carried themselves put you on edge.

You found yourself suddenly glad that you weren’t expected to dress in those same robes.

Your heart thumped in your chest as you thought about where you were headed. You were finally going to be able to meet Miyeon after having struggled for so long to find a way to make that meeting possible. It was the beginning of what would hopefully be a successful escape from Magenta’s bright walls and equally dark shadows.

The anticipation of meeting Miyeon was accompanied by a familiar anxiety that settled in the pit of your stomach. You hoped desperately that Miyeon would believe what you had to say. She seemed very trusting; the ease with which she accepted Ray’s offer to come to Mint Eye was a testament to her naivete, and you were worried that her good impression of this place would cloud her judgment and make it difficult for her to believe you.

Miyeon had no idea how much danger she was truly in, and there was no way you could neglect telling her the truth. As the person originally intended to be the tester, you were ultimately responsible for her being targeted. It was your duty to ensure that she had the opportunity to get out of Mint Eye before they harmed her. 

There was a huge weight on your shoulders. The whole situation was dangerous, too big for you to handle alone. 

But if there was even one other person on your side, you felt like you may actually have a chance.

Ray didn’t release your hand as he led you up a flight of stairs. Again, you wondered just how big this place was. Upon arriving at the next floor, you immediately noticed that this hallway was much emptier than the ones you had been walking through. There were a few doors on either side of the hall, but one of them had two believers standing on either side like they were standing guard.

Ray’s steps faltered a few yards away from the door. You came to a stop alongside him, looking up and taking notice of the furrow in his brows. His eyes weren’t trained on anything; he seemed to be deep in thought. Something was worrying him, and you figured that it was likely related to the idea of letting you see Miyeon. The tightening of his grip on your hand supported that theory.

The lump in your throat was making it hard to breathe as the silent stillness persisted. You couldn’t let this opportunity fade away, not when you were so close to finally accomplishing your first goal. You couldn’t let Ray change his mind.

“Are you okay?” Your question brought Ray back from his reverie, and his mint eyes met your own, serious as they locked onto you.

“Don’t discuss the game with her,” his voice was tight. “Especially not the AIs. Okay?”

You had a feeling that there was more to his demand than just jealousy, but you didn’t dream of prying any further, especially when your current situation was this delicate. So you just nodded. “Okay, I won’t.”

Ray continued to hold your gaze. The same indecipherable cocktail of emotions swam through his eyes as he stared at you like he was trying to look directly into your head to read your thoughts. Ray often stared at you this way when something was bothering him, and as uncomfortable as it was, you forced yourself to give him a small smile, hoping your faux nonchalance would help to calm him down.

Eventually, Ray relented. Without another word, he led you up to the guarded door and raised his free hand to rap on the wood.

“Who is it?” A girl’s voice called from within.

It was her. 

Your mouth went dry, the anticipation in your chest reaching a climax. You held your breath as Ray responded from next to you.

“It’s me, Ray. Can I come in?”

There was a shuffle from within followed by the padding of a few small footsteps. The doorknob turned and the door was opened, finally revealing Miyeon.

It was strange to look at her in person after having only seen her through grainy security cameras on a 2D screen. She was remarkably pretty in a very natural way, her dark hair long and well-cared for, contrasting against milky skin. She wore a bright blue blouse and a white skirt with small black polka-dots. The outfit suited her somehow, as it was both charming and lively. Miyeon had the same kind demeanor as she had in the photo Ray had shown you, and her friendliness was extremely comforting to your anxiety-ridden mind.

“Hi, Ray!” She greeted, stepping back to allow the two of you entrance. “Please, come in!”

Ray smiled at her and led you through the doorway.

Miyeon’s room was extravagant and neat. You knew that the Savior prioritized her comfort, but you were surprised at just how nice this room was. It was the exact opposite of yours, all bright colors and large windows, which allowed streams of sunlight to fill the room. If you hadn’t felt so tense in the moment, you felt like you would have been able to sit in here and relax for a little while.

They were really selling Miyeon an elaborate story, truly trying to make Magenta out to be a Paradise. But you knew better.

It was all a lie. Miyeon looked so comfortable as she smiled over at the two of you that your worry increased. When her gaze fell onto you for a moment, you couldn’t help wondering what was going on in her head.

Why had she come here?

“Sorry to drop by so unexpectedly,” Ray began. His voice held the same business-like edge that it had held when you first heard him over the phone, polite and welcoming. “I thought that it might be a good idea for you to meet my assistant.”

Ray introduced you to Miyeon, who directed her friendly smile back to you. You felt immediately drawn to her natural amiability, finding it easy to return her smile with one of your own.

“It’s great to meet you!” Miyeon responded good-naturedly. “I’m Miyeon Cha.”

Her eyes fell to your hand, which Ray was still gripping tightly, before returning to resume eye contact. You felt self-conscious suddenly and fought to hide that discomfort. You would have thought that Ray might have let go of your hand upon reaching Miyeon’s room, but his grip remained stagnant. It felt more constricting than usual. If Ray noticed that it was awkward, he didn’t care. 

“Good to meet you,” you tried to sound as natural as possible as you relayed your name, but your heart was racing much faster than you had expected. Now that you were finally in Miyeon’s presence, your desperation was increasing, fueled by the urge to inform her of just how much danger she was in by being here. 

Miyeon was treating you so kindly already, exuding such a friendliness that your guilt only increased. She would hate you if she knew the truth and that you were responsible for her predicament, you were sure of that, but you couldn’t leave her to suffer a horrible fate at the hands of Mint Eye and the savior. 

“I didn’t even know Ray had an assistant,” Miyeon continued the conversation naturally, as if small-talk was something that came easily to her. “Do you help with developing the game?”

You immediately recalled Ray’s earlier words.

“I just help out wherever I’m needed,” you tried to redirect the conversation. “My job description’s pretty vague, actually.”

You sounded incredibly stiff, and you knew it. Your anxiety was clearly being reflected in the way you were speaking with Miyeon. Maybe it was because you knew that you were actively trying to avoid certain topics and hide things from her, but you felt that your responses were incredibly ambiguous. You hoped she wouldn’t pry.

That wasn’t the problem, though. You needed to establish rapport, to interact with Miyeon in a way that would ensure there would be a way that you could return here in the future.

“Actually, I’m pretty new here, myself,” you began again, finding it incredibly difficult to speak past the lump in your throat. “So I thought it might be nice to introduce myself to you, since you’re in a similar position to me. Shared experiences, and all of that.”

Miyeon gave you an appreciative grin, amber eyes practically sparkling amidst the sunlight in the room. “That’s really kind of you! Thanks.”

You continued to assert yourself through your next words, choosing them as carefully as you could. “For sure. Ray’s normally pretty busy, so if you need anything, I’m more than happy to help. It’s important that you’re comfortable, so even if it’s just company, please let me know. I don’t have a phone, but you can contact me through Ray.”

Ray’s grip on your hand tightened, but he didn’t say a word. You couldn’t tell if it was a warning or not, and that left you feeling slightly skittish. You were putting yourself in a difficult position, knowing that making yourself so available to Miyeon would likely upset Ray. You were counting on his dedication to the Savior, who prioritized Miyeon’s comfort. If Miyeon wanted you around, then denying her that would be directly disobeying the Savior. It was a stretch, but it was all that you had.

You fought the urge to look up at Ray and assess his demeanor. If he did get upset, that would be something you could deal with later. Right now, you were desperate. This was your only shot, and it had to work. You couldn’t falter.

“I appreciate it,” Miyeon responded, painfully aware of the tension rising between you and Ray. “That would be pretty nice, actually. I understand that I can’t see all of the facilities due to confidentiality reasons, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to every so often.”

_ Just a little more. _

“Absolutely,” was your reply, still sporting the over-the-top friendliness you had been exuding, “I’m more than happy to help, so don’t be afraid to ask.”

“I might take you up on that offer, then,” Miyeon’s words processed in your mind, and you immediately felt a sense of victory.

You had an in. You were finally making some progress.

The momentary confidence brought on by your triumph didn’t last long, though. Before the conversation could go any further, Ray spoke up from beside you.

“I’m afraid we have to get back to work,” he said, gripping your hand so tightly it almost hurt. “Please continue to play the game earnestly, and let me know if there are any problems.”

Though Ray’s change in demeanor was subtle, you had spent so long being attuned to his moods that it was easy for you to tell that he was unhappy. Miyeon, though, had much less experience with him, and subsequently didn’t notice. She redirected her smile at him before responding, as cheerful as ever. “Of course! Thanks for stopping by.”

All you could offer her was a small wave before you were being ushered out of the room once more. You began the trek back to the workroom with mixed feelings.

The walk back was dangerously silent and the tension left you feeling on edge. It was obvious that Ray was upset, and you weren’t sure what to expect upon your return. Now that you didn’t have Miyeon to prevent him from voicing his complaints, your anxiety was beginning to return with a vengeance.

You knew that it was necessary for you to establish an in with Miyeon. There was no way that you would be able to go to her room alone if she didn’t want you there because Ray would never advocate such an idea if you were the one who proposed it. But the Savior wanted Miyeon comfortable, and you were banking on the likely possibility that Ray’s devotion to her might be stronger than his possessiveness to you.

Still, though, that didn’t mean that the foreboding feeling within you was any easier to deal with. You knew that the conversation you would have with Ray once you returned to his workspace wouldn’t be fun, and you dreaded the conflict because at the end of the day, you would still be at his mercy, especially if this didn’t work out.

Ray’s strides were faster, more rushed than they had been on the way down. A deep frown had settled onto his face, and he wasn’t saying a word to you. The walk was too long, and your head was beginning to spin.

You just had to get through this. There was no avoiding it now. You’d set the plan into motion, and you could no longer back down.

The walk felt both too long and too short. It was uncomfortable in that the tension dragged it out, but inadequate because there wasn’t enough time for you to prepare yourself for whatever was going to happen. You felt like a child about to be scolded. Your teeth clamped down on the inside of your lip as Ray swiped his keycard, allowing the two of you entry to the small, dark workroom.

It somehow seemed more confining now than ever.

As soon as the door shut behind you, locking with a click, Ray released you and finally made eye contact, extending his hand, palm facing upward.

“Give me your keycard,” he demanded. 

You knew there was no point in digging the pit you were in any deeper, so you complied, wordlessly returning the plastic card to Ray. He pocketed it immediately and met your eyes afterward, pinning you in place.

“Why did you do that?” He asked you, staring you down like you had just committed a mortal sin that he couldn’t understand. 

You were silent for a few seconds, heart thumping against the walls of your chest. You figured that your best bet would be to act innocent. Ray was so incredibly stubborn that you knew trying to argue your point would be a waste of time. He would never change his mind, and provoking him further was a risk too big for you to consider taking.

“What do you mean?” You asked in response, furrowing your eyebrows in faux confusion. “You mean, offer to help her? You said last night that it was okay.”

Ray shook his head, frown deepening. “No. You can’t go see her alone. Why did you offer that to her?”

It was a struggle to keep your composure. You knew that you couldn’t argue with Ray; you would never win and it would only cause more problems. But every time he confronted you this way, trying to stifle your freedom and control your every move, you found yourself filling with such an uncontrollable rage that it took everything you had to keep from exploding.

_ He _ drugged you.  _ He _ kept you confined in this room.  _ He  _ treated you like a pet; something to gawk at and fawn over in a cage. And somehow, you were still the one who was asking for too much?

At that moment, it was hard to remember the sympathy you had held for Ray the previous night. It was being replaced by an ugly fury, boiling your blood in your veins and flushing your face.

The world was truly testing your resolve, and you were fighting to keep your composure.

“But I want to help,” it was a struggle to keep your voice calm. “Even the Savior told me I need to be useful. I can’t help with computers or app development, so this is all I can do. I-”

“No. It’s most important for you to stay by my side,” the air surrounding Ray became frigid. He was tensed, hands trembling with anger at his side, and his voice shook, but he didn’t take his eyes off of you for a second. “You can’t be in a place where others can get to you, not without me. You’ll leave me! I’ve seen it happen before!”

The volume in Ray’s voice was steadily rising, giving away his gradual loss of control over his emotions. You were beginning to feel even more trapped, more anxious than you could ever remember feeling in his presence. It was the first time you felt like you were the target of his anger, and subsequently, the first time you felt you were facing a danger that Ray wouldn’t protect you from. 

You had always been hiding behind him because you knew that it was Ray who kept you safe from the dangers around you. That was the only reason you put up with his ridiculous demands without arguing. But now, you were completely exposed. You wouldn’t have been able to get away if you tried. That thought left you feeling skittish and paranoid. You were being backed into a corner.

But... Ray wouldn’t hurt you.

_ Right? _

“But I won’t,” you tried again, fighting to keep your own tone at a reasonable volume, desperation growing with every word. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m the one who came here for you, remember? Why won’t you trust me?”

Ray opened his mouth, as if going to speak, but cut himself off with a sudden, sharp cry. His hands flew up to grip his head, fingers burying themselves into his bleached hair, mussing it from its usual neatness. He forced his eyes shut, gritting his teeth as a strangled noise escaped his throat.

Out of nowhere, Ray had gone from borderline threatening to almost writhing where he stood.

“ _ Ah-! _ ” Ray’s grip on his head tightened so much that it hurt you to just watch him. “My head-!”

You were at a loss, staring at him with wide eyes as he doubled over. Your mind was beginning to spin, overwhelmed by the combination of your own emotions and Ray’s sudden, obvious distress. He seemed to have completely lost his composure at this point and your mind was beginning to scramble. Your earlier obstinance was being overrun by the shock of watching Ray’s suffering.

What were you supposed to do?

“Ray-?” You held up both of your hands as if to reach toward him but hesitated, afraid of invading his space while he seemed so volatile. “What’s wrong?”

“My head-” Ray’s voice was incredibly strained, as if the act of speaking itself was intensifying his suffering, “it hurts-! Make it  _ stop! _ ”

Your mouth went dry, body freezing as you struggled to figure out how to proceed.

Your mind jumped to conclusions. You weren’t sure what was going on, but your immediate assumption was that the mixture of his anger and other heightened emotions were taking a physical toll on his body. You tried to regain control over your thoughts, to reel them back in so that you could fix this.

Though you were angry with Ray, you also didn’t want to see him in this much pain. You were the only person here, so it was up to you to console him.

“Okay,” you took another step toward him, but stopped yourself, worried that if you invaded his boundaries, you would only make things worse. “Is it alright if I come closer?”

Ray lifted his head up just enough to peer at you out of one eye. He met your gaze for a few seconds before shutting his eyes again and nodding. His movements were sporadic and rigid, so much so that he trembled, breathing unsteadily. You came closer to him slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal, still nervous despite his permission. You gently put your hands on his upper arms, close to his shoulders, which he had bunched up around his ears. The fabric of his magenta coat was thick under your fingers, but even through it, you could feel how tense his muscles were.

“Try and relax,” you coaxed, trying to sound as calm as possible despite the desperation that was fueling your rapid heartbeat. “Breathe slowly. It’ll help with the pain. Try and match me.”

You took a few breaths in and out, similar to the breathing techniques you’d been taught to deal with panic attacks. Ray tried to follow you, but he was so worked up that his breathing remained shallow and fast. You found yourself wondering if anyone had ever comforted him before, or if he had always just dealt with this alone.

Your stomach twisted, but you continued to breathe. This wasn’t the time for you to be distracted.

So you continued breathing steadily, in and out, holding onto Ray’s arms as you did so. Eventually, his own breathing began to level out a little bit, but he remained trembling. You waited a few minutes before deciding to speak up again.

“Look,” you tried, “when something’s upsetting you, just talk to me. We can figure it out calmly so that you don’t have to get so worked up.”

There was a short silence following your words, and you let it linger. There wasn’t much else you could say. Your instinct was to apologize, to make the conflict go away to ease the discomfort of the situation you were in now. But you couldn’t afford to do that. Everything depended on your ability to meet with Miyeon and speak to her alone. You had to stick with it; you didn’t have any other choice.

“It’s not fair,” Ray spoke up eventually, but his words were little more than a whisper. 

You furrowed your eyebrows a little bit. “What do you mean?”

At your question, Ray finally lifted his head again, meeting your eyes. His hands fell from his head, leaving his hair looking frenzied, and he placed them on your cheeks instead. The contact was feather-light, as if he was afraid to touch you.

“It’s not fair,” Ray repeated, this time a tad louder. One of his thumbs traced the skin under your eyes, running across the apples of your cheeks with a tenderness that starkly contrasted the anger he had been expressing just minutes ago. He was almost cradling you, staring into your eyes with such potent emotion that it left you unable to move. “I like you so much, I feel like I can barely breathe. When you’re not with me, all I can do is worry until you come back. And now you’re trying to get away from me.”

You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t give in. 

Ray’s fingers brushed against some of your baby hairs, the fabric of his gloves smooth against your skin. “I finally have you here. Every second I spend with you is like a dream. But everyone I’ve ever liked has disappeared. So even if you hate me, you have to stay here, where I can see you and you can’t wander.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach as you registered the implication behind his words.

Ray would keep you trapped in this room forever, consequences be damned. 

Your chest began to constrict. It felt like the world was crumbling down around you again, trapping you amidst the rubble. The air was growing heavy, gathering around you, and rendering you unable to think.

You had lost. Again.

No matter how much you struggled, you would never be able to get out. Nobody was helping you, and you couldn’t move enough to help yourself.

He would never let you leave.

_ I’m going to die in here. _

You couldn’t force yourself to say a single word. You barely registered the knock at the door until Ray looked away from you.

“Who is it?” He asked, hands falling from your cheeks.

“The Savior wishes to speak with you,” someone said from outside. “She’s waiting in the chapel.”

Normally, mention of the Savior unnerved you without fail, like her presence followed after every single utterance of her name. This time, though, your mind was already so far removed that you didn’t care. You felt like the breath had been stolen from your lungs, leaving you struggling to breathe. You had lost your motivation.

“I see. I’ll be there shortly,” Ray responded before turning back to you. He gave you a soft smile, like he was on a different plane of existence from you.

His moods were so volatile, always jumping back and forth at the slightest stimulation. Every time he switched from one emotional state to another so did you, always desperate to console him for your own sake. Now, though, you felt so exhausted that you couldn’t share in his sudden contentment. You didn’t understand how he could smile at you like that, like he didn’t notice that you were standing like a statue, mind completely blank. Like he didn’t realize that his words had just crushed everything you’d worked so hard for.

“I’ll be back,” Ray brushed some of your fringe out of your face. “Wait for me, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

As if you had any choice.

You didn’t say anything, and Ray didn’t seem to care. He exited the room rather quickly, excited as he usually was before going to see the Savior, and the door shut, the clicking of the lock bouncing off of the walls until it reverberated back to you.

A exhale left your lips, long and drawn out, quivering. You didn’t have the energy to move to your chair or bed, and allowed yourself to sink down to the ground instead, slumping over. Your eyes burned, warning you that tears were on the way, but that didn’t bother you as much as did the feelings swimming in your chest. They were deep and heavy, a thick mixture of defeat and anguish, clinging to you and filling your lungs with a thick cement of misery that left you unable to catch your breath.

Everything you had been building up was crashing down around you again. Just like always.

You hated yourself for having hoped so much when you should have known better. Ray would never budge. He was content to keep you around, no matter how much his actions stripped you of life. You had been foolish to think that he would compromise for your own well-being. Ray was far past that.

The walls were closing in around you. Just like when you laid on the bathroom floor of your old apartment, completely alone in the dead of night to deal with your overwhelming feelings. Your hands came up to grasp at your arms, similar to how you had held Ray earlier. Except this time, you were the one left trembling, and you had nobody to help.

The room was much darker than you remembered.

* * *

You allowed yourself to wallow in self-pity for a little while. It felt cathartic to let yourself cry on the floor of your prison after having to hold it in for so long. You hated that you had been reduced to this, but in the moment you were so deeply upset that you didn’t care.

Eventually, though, you had forced yourself to move. Your body had begun aching, your back and shoulders angry at having been slouched for so long, and your head was pounding in response to the stress caused by your breakdown. Emotionally, you felt just as gross, like a dishrag that had been wrung-out one too many times, overused and nauseating.

You had grown annoyed with yourself eventually and made the effort to move to your chair, where you folded your arms atop the desk and laid your head in the crooks of your elbows. The change in location was nice enough, but your mind still felt empty and dull.

You started to wonder if the possibility of being stuck in Mint Eye for an extended amount of time was beginning to cement itself into your reality. That unpleasant thought brought with it a shudder. 

There were a lot of things you had grown to accept before you came here. Unemployment, social isolation, even homelessness- you had adapted to your situation and come to terms with the fact that your life was heading in a very sour direction. You slowly grew used to a life where you expected the worst, and it stopped affecting you so much when things did go wrong. Your expectations lowered, and so did your standards for your life. Eventually, you hadn’t found it in you to care enough to change anything.

This, though?

Being stuck in a religious cult, with the same person watching over your every movement and invading your personal space? You could hardly breathe around Ray. You had been stalked before even coming here, and then drugged and threatened after your arrival. Accepting a life at Mint Eye wouldn’t just be lowering your standards, it would be completely giving up. You would no longer be your own person.

You weren’t sure if that was something you could ever grow apathetic toward. Even before, without a job, house, or friends and family, you had at least retained your independence. You could never sacrifice your freedom.

There  _ had _ to be another way. There had to be something that you could do. But you were running out of ideas that didn’t involve making a blind dash for the front door.

Would you really be reduced to taking such a risk? You might if there was no other option left, but you knew you wouldn’t even make it out of the building. These people had you completely trapped.

Ray came back about over an hour after having left. You raise your head up from your arms and turned to face him upon hearing the door opening. He looked over at you but didn’t smile as usual. His brows were furrowed, but he seemed more thoughtful than angry. The door shut behind him, and the air grew tense once more.

“I spoke with the Savior,” Ray began without greeting you, walking a few steps closer to stand by you. “She was informed that you visited the tester. When I explained why she said she thought your idea was good.”

You felt a small amount of hope begin to rise up in your stomach again, despite your attempts to quell it.

“Really?” You asked simply, eyebrows raising.

Ray nodded, though he was still frowning. “I still don’t like it,” he continued, “but the Savior decided it would be a good idea for you to help the tester acclimate once she joins us, so she wants you to visit the tester from time to time.”

Your heart leaped into your throat so quickly that you grew lightheaded for a moment. The rush of relief that coursed through your system was enough to give you a new burst of energy, as if you hadn’t just laid on the floor for an hour. You felt immediately renewed.

You could have cried. Though it was cruelly ironic that the Savior of all people was allowing your idea to go through, you were so relieved that in the moment, you didn’t even care.

You still had a chance.

You were barely able to stifle the smile that threatened to cross your face, still not wanting to provoke Ray into another fit like the one that had taken place earlier. 

“That’s great,” you said instead. Suddenly filled with a new burst of motivation you reached out and took Ray’s gloved hands in your own, something you were becoming very accustomed to doing. “Thank you.”

Ray’s fingers curled around your own, warm and gentle, but the frown on his face didn’t lessen any. “I still don’t like it.,” he mumbled, voice lowered to a slight pout.

Your lift in mood as a result of your victory must have been prompting the kindness that spurred you to try and comfort Ray a little. “I know,” you said. “But it’ll be fine. I won’t be far. It’s just like when you leave throughout the day and I wait here. I know you’ll come back every time. It’s just that now the roles are reversed.”

The comparison was completely invalid and you knew that, but you were hopeful that it might bring him some comfort anyways. Now that your plan wasn’t in direct danger anymore, you could focus your energy on trying to keep Ray happy. It benefitted you when he was in a good mood, after all, because he was the person you spent almost all of your time with.

Or, at least, that was how you rationalized the situation to yourself. Besides, you were feeling considerably more generous than usual at the moment.

It seemed to do the trick enough to lift Ray’s mood a little bit. His pout softened slightly at your words and he sighed gently, following the exhale with a nod. “That’s true. Besides I’m different now than I was before. I’m good at something. I’m useful. Now that I can use computers, I could find you even if you did disappear.”

You weren’t sure if that was meant to be a threat, but his words prompted a swell of unease in your stomach. You hadn’t considered that Ray would try to find you if you did escape, but when you thought about it, it did make sense. But there was nothing you could do. You would just have to make it to the police before he could come and find you.

There was no point in dwelling on that at the moment. None of that would matter until you could secure yourself and Miyeon a route out of this place. Until then, you would continue doing what you had been doing. You would keep Ray as happy as you could while scheming under his nose.

It was dirty. It was manipulative. Just two weeks ago, you had vehemently rejected the idea of exploiting Ray’s weakness for you. But, like you’d realized that morning, things had changed. Everything was different.

Especially you.

“But you won’t have to,” you responded past the lump in your throat, ever-present in its attempts to make itself known, “ because I’ll come back to you.”

And as Ray’s mint eyes met you from above, filled with hesitance as his fingers gripped your own, you knew that lying to him would never be easy. But in that moment, you tried to take comfort in the fact that your earlier statement wasn’t a complete lie. Because you would come back.

For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I'm honest, I had to split this chapter into two. I was planning on including more content, but this was getting long, and if I'd kept everything else in it would have been an absolute nightmare. So I apologize if this was boring! I create an outline for every chapter, but from time to time they don't work the way I intend them to and I have to reorganize my plans.
> 
> I hope that this was still enjoyable, even if it was a little boring. It may seem a little redundant that Ray changed his mind, only for the initial plan to go through anyway, but there was actually a purpose in that! I'm all about characterization, and I think that little tidbit was important in a few different ways, but it may be difficult to see how at this point in time. So if you're a little hesitant, please bear with me! It all ties together. 
> 
> Thanks again, as always, to everyone who leaves Kudos and/or comments on this fic. <3 It means the absolute world to me. This is my first long fic, so the nuances of creating a well-thought-out plot and developing the characters accordingly are all very new to me. I appreciate every kind word and every show of support so very much. If there's ever anything you want to say, even if it's just a short thought, please feel free to leave a comment! It brightens my day and really motivates me to continue putting so much effort into this fic. I'll always respond and engage with everyone. 
> 
> I hope everyone is safe and healthy. I know I say this every chapter, but to anyone living in countries with a lot of cases of the virus, please stay healthy and take care! I hope to see you all in the next chapter, so until then!


	8. What Meets The Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you give a warning, witness something strange, and find yourself more confused than ever.

Ray didn’t immediately let you see Miyeon again. You weren’t really surprised; you had expected that he would try to put the second meeting off for as long as he could manage, especially considering how reluctant he had been to let it happen in the first place. It had taken a direct order from the Savior to cause him to relent, and you felt that this was the first time that she had done anything that directly benefited you. 

Of course, you couldn’t help wondering if there was some sort of ulterior motive hidden beneath her actions. It didn’t sit right with you that the Savior would allow you to meet an outsider despite considering you a threat. 

You felt like you were walking into a trap. The Savior wasn’t stupid. She was a master manipulator by nature. It seemed to come easy to her, considering she had a sizeable number of followers who would allow themselves to get drugged and stepped on just because she demanded it of them. The Savior stripped people of their livelihoods under the guise of offering them a Paradise. With just her words, she had turned countless lives upside down, and her victims perceived her abuse as genuine, selfless acts of guidance. The Savior presented herself as an altruistic leader, gathering the wounded to give them a better life. But in reality, she was nothing more than a leech, feeding off of vulnerability and exploiting the weaknesses she saw in others.

When she spoke with you two weeks ago, she had made her expectations of you rather clear. Even at the time, you entertained the idea that the Savior was aware of your hesitance about being at Mint Eye. She was one of the reasons that your plan had to remain so secretive. She could do anything to you and wouldn’t hesitate to harm you if you caused unnecessary trouble. You were much more afraid of her than you were of Ray who, despite his faults, ultimately seemed to care about you. His need to protect you was your safety blanket, the only part about Mint Eye that worked in your favor.

That being said, after witnessing some of Ray’s outbursts up close, you couldn’t deny that there were parts of him that frightened you more than you had wanted to admit. At first, he was a stalker and a hacker who had drugged you. That was scary enough on its own, but other than that, he was mostly just creepy and obsessive. As much as it made you uncomfortable, you had been rather sure that he wouldn’t hurt you. You never bothered to look past the surface, to wonder what lied beneath the facade he was putting on.

Since the previous days, though, things had started to change. You had witnessed several breakdowns back-to-back, allowing you insight into just how deep Ray’s fear of abandonment went. When that fear had been coupled with anger, he exploded as he had earlier, clutching his head, yelling, and behaving erratically, like he was losing control of himself. Whatever it was that Ray hid from you was frightening. You had only gotten a few glimpses past his facade, but it was enough to threaten the relative safety you’d felt around him. It was such a switch from his normal temperament that you had genuinely been afraid of approaching him, worried that he would lash out at you if you pushed him too far.

Again, you reminded yourself that you couldn’t rely on the opinions you formed about Ray. You hardly knew anything about him as a person. Other than his name, his age, and a vague impression that he had lived a difficult life, you were completely in the dark. There was something he hid under the surface, and every time it bubbled up, it completely consumed him. Ultimately, you knew nothing.

And yet, you thought as you sat next to Ray, he trusted you enough to let you see a different side of him, relying on you to give him comfort when the world became too much for him. There was a part of you that felt bad for him. You had been around him for long enough to form some sort of attachment to him. What you thought was just a bond of convenience was turning into a genuine sympathy for Ray, especially after witnessing just how deep his pain went.

The world truly worked in mysterious ways. 

Ray was absorbed in his work for hours after returning from his meeting with the Savior. There had been a slight shift in his duties since Miyeon’s arrival. Once every two or so hours, he would monitor her interactions with the RFA in the chatrooms. Ray hadn’t wanted you to read any of the messages, though, so the only information you were privy to was whatever you could catch through occasional glances at his screen. There wasn’t much that you could gather; the text was too small and the messages tended to flood in pretty quickly.

You were disappointed. You had hoped that reading through some of the chats could cure some of your persistent boredom while simultaneously giving you clues about why this app was so important to Mint Eye. No such luck, though. Ray was incredibly stubborn about giving up information about the game, especially in regards to its characters. You had learned to stop trying to ask.

Every so often, Ray would express frustration toward the game itself while reading through the logs. It reminded you of the words he had written on the information sheets about those two RFA members. You knew he was angry about something, and you wondered if the game’s progression was rekindling his anger.

Ray would scoff sometimes and roll his eyes animatedly with a hiss of  _ “liar,” _ or  _ “hypocrite,” _ or something similar. The words were usually very similar to, if not the exact same as what you had seen written on those documents, and that backed your theory. But while his anger was indicative of the importance of the game, it wasn’t enough for you to put anything new together.

So, your boredom persisted. You had given up on coding a while ago, and because the last week was filled with surveillance activities, you hadn’t been expected to continue practicing. Even now that there was nothing else for you to do, you were still unable to recover any motivation to get back to practicing regularly. Instead, you spent those few hours mulling over your upcoming meeting with Miyeon.

By the time early evening rolled around, you were starting to get antsy. It had been hours since Ray informed you that you were now permitted to see Miyeon again, and you had assumed that you would be able to do so sooner rather than later. You didn’t want to push it too much, though, as you were afraid of losing your newly recovered privileges. It was hard to control the sense of urgency that built a home in your mind. It fueled a constant anxiety in the back of your head, trying to convince you that you were running out of time.

You were scared that Miyeon would start to trust Mint Eye more while she stayed at Magenta. She had already been trusting enough to come here, and you feared that this place would continue to take advantage of her naivete until it would be too late for you to intervene. If that happened, not only would you be to blame for her brainwashing, but you would be back at square one, in need of a new plan that you would have to execute solo.

If you were completely honest with yourself, you weren’t sure if it would be possible for you to escape alone.

You sat with those worries swimming in your head for hours as the numbers on the clock indicated the slow passing of time. It was infuriatingly boring, leaving you with nothing to do but to dwell in your anxieties.

It wasn’t until you were on the edge of falling asleep that Ray finally announced your departure.

“The Savior wants to meet with me,” he told you. “So if you want to see the tester, I’ll bring you there first.”

It took an impressive amount of self-control for you to not immediately leap out of your seat, knowing that Ray was already sensitive enough about your desire to speak to Miyeon. So you kept your composure. 

“Sure,” you said. “That’s fine with me.”

Ray kept his eyes locked on you, allowing the silence in the room to fester. He seemed to be thinking about something, but you couldn’t discern exactly what was going through his mind. He was obviously displeased, but backing down wasn’t an option for you. You didn’t want to purposely upset him by visiting Miyeon, but you didn’t have a choice. This was a necessity if you wanted to escape, but you couldn’t tell Ray that.

He was just going to have to deal with it.

“I still don’t like it,” Ray said again, repeating the same phrase.

You tried to remain empathetic and nodded, but didn’t speak further. Ray didn’t say anything else either. He took hold of your hand as soon as the door was unlocked, gripping it tightly and keeping you close. The walk this time was somehow more nerve-wracking than the first one had been. You tried to familiarize yourself with the route a little bit, but Magenta was surprisingly large, with long hallways and stairwells planted here and there. It wasn’t as busy now as it had been earlier in the day, and you noticed that the sun was approaching the Western horizon in the sky, displaying an impressive array of colors that tinged the white hallways of Magenta a gentle orange.

It was always nice to see the sun. It was a treat that you didn’t realize you could miss so much until it was taken away from you. Remembering all of the times you’d sat in the park, gazing absentmindedly at the clouds and swirls of colors in the sky brought fond memories to the forefront of your mind.

You missed that independence dearly. But this would be the start of winning it back.

“I’ll come to get you later,” Ray told you as the two of you came to a stop in front of Miyeon’s door. “So don’t go wandering anywhere and just wait for me.”

You accepted his instructions with a nod. “Alright.”

You hadn’t been planning on saying anything else, but the way Ray looked at you gave away his worries clearly. He seemed apprehensive; hesitant to leave, as if you would disappear forever if he left you out of his sight for too long. You told yourself that it was in your best interest to comfort him, to keep him as happy as possible. You wanted to console him for your own benefit, not because you felt bad for him.

“Try not to be too nervous,” you said. “It’ll be fine. I’ll see you again later, okay?”

Ray raised one of his gloved hands to cradle the side of your face for a few seconds, running his thumb across the apple of your cheek tenderly. You let him have his moment, remaining still as he stared into your eyes, anxieties swimming in pools of mint, clear as day.

“I trust you,” it sounded more like Ray was trying to reassure himself, so you didn’t respond. You knew he didn’t really trust you; if he did, you wouldn’t have been this confined for so long, treated like a bird in a cage. But if it made him feel better to say so, then you would stay quiet.

So you just smiled.

Ray sighed a little bit before dropping his hand once again and nodding over at Miyeon’s door. It seemed he would wait for you to enter before taking his leave.

You turned and approached the door, avoiding looking at the guards. You cursed at yourself silently as you stood between them and raised your hand to knock on the wood. You had completely forgotten that there would be people standing outside the door during the entirety of your visit. You tried to redirect your focus by rapping on the door, but your hand was shaking in the air.

“Hi, it’s me,” you identified yourself, feeling slightly awkward, like your voice was too loud, “can I come in?”

You heard footsteps from inside promptly approach the door, which was opened for you not a second later.

“Welcome back!” Miyeon greeted you with a friendly smile, stepping out of the doorway to allow you entry. “Come on in!”

You entered her room promptly, heart thundering in your chest. You felt slightly dizzy and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room as Miyeon shut the door behind you, cutting you off from the hallway. You took a quiet, but deep breath, trying to calm the nerves that were buzzing in your stomach.

You were finally alone with her. You had been waiting for this for days, and the time had finally come. Miyeon turned to face you again, and you felt your mind go blank.

This was the first time you were officially going to act alone. You had been so used to following Ray’s lead, staying quiet and hidden in the background. This was a huge escalation. You were now actively going against Mint Eye, erecting a wall to separate yourself from them. You had an outline for your plan; you knew what you needed to do. You just didn’t know how you were supposed to word all of this when communicating with Miyeon. You were taking a huge risk and if it went wrong, everything would be over.

How were you going to begin to pull this off? You had no idea what to say.

You must have looked rather strange, because Miyeon’s smile fell, giving way to a look of slight concern as she regarded you. “Are you okay?” She asked, approaching you. “You look really pale. If you need to go rest, you should.”

You shook your head, trying to regain your composure, but her words only strengthened your anxiety. It was like everything was suddenly becoming real. This wasn’t a hypothetical situation anymore; Miyeon was standing right in front of you, and the two of you were alone. You needed to tell her.

But how? There were two guards right outside of the door, and for all you knew, Ray was standing there too, trying to listen in. He had told you that he had a meeting with the Savior, but could you really trust that?

For as long as you had obsessed about this, you hadn’t thought through all of the details, a mistake that you were dearly paying the price for.

“No, I’m alright,” you reassured her, offering a smile. “I’m actually here right now because I have something important to say to you. Will you hear me out?”

“Of course,” Miyeon didn’t seem any less concerned, but she accepted your explanation. She gestured over to a table near the window. “Would you like to sit? You really look like you’re about to faint.”

You  _ felt _ like you were about to faint. The tips of your fingers were tingling, chest ablaze with nerves as your mind ran itself in circles trying to figure out how you were going to go about warning her. The situation was so delicate and you had always been rather crude; you only had one chance, and you couldn’t mess it up.

“Sure,” you nodded and took the few steps over to one of the chairs, which you pulled out with shaky hands before sitting down. Getting off of your feet helped slightly, and you took a few seconds to try and reel your thoughts back in.

You needed to stay focused. If you went about this carelessly, you would almost certainly get caught and cause trouble for both you and the girl across from you. You couldn’t afford to make any more mistakes, especially since you were already responsible for putting her in this position to begin with.

Miyeon pulled the other chair closer toward yours and sat down, facing you. You took another deep breath, trying once again to quell your nerves, and forced yourself to speak.

“I know this is going to sound strange,” you started, keeping your voice low as you spoke, “but how much do you know about this place?”

Miyeon furrowed her eyebrows at your question, but she immediately caught onto your change in demeanor and followed suit, leaning in a little bit closer. “What do you mean?” The confusion was evident in her voice, and it left you feeling even more nervous.

You needed to get through to her, though, so you kept pushing.

“Just in general,” you tried again, keeping eye contact with her. “What did Ray tell you about this place?”

Miyeon paused for a second as she considered your question, still clearly bewildered. “Just that this is a place that develops apps. He said a lot of it is confidential, so he couldn’t tell me anything else.”

So Ray told her the same thing that he had told you over the phone. He had been cherry-picking information from the start, and while was he said wasn’t necessarily a lie, it was hardly even a fraction of the truth. 

Miyeon had absolutely no idea what kind of situation she was in.

You grit your teeth for a second, frowning as you glanced over at the shut door on the other side of the room. You knew that you were making your apprehension very obvious, but the nerves inside of you were quickly multiplying, growing rapidly and filling every nook and cranny of your body.

You tried to think past the loud thumping of your heart as you looked around at the walls quickly. You figured there weren’t any cameras; you hadn’t seen any security footage on Ray’s computer to indicate that he had set up any surveillance in this room, but it had become a habit to look out for them when you were about to do something dangerous. You eventually turned back to Miyeon, keeping your voice as low as you possibly could.

“Listen, I’m really going to need you to trust me,” you looked directly into Miyeon’s amber eyes as you spoke. “Or at the very least, don’t tell anybody that I’m telling you this. Especially not Ray.”

Miyeon’s frown deepened. Her earlier amiability had all but disappeared and her posture had gone rigid, but she nodded anyway. You hoped desperately that she would trust you, but you couldn’t risk not telling her the truth about what was going on. So you continued.

“This place isn’t what he’s making it out to be,” you said. “About two weeks before Ray contacted you, he reached out to me and made me the same offer. To come here and test a game he was developing. I refused, but he kept calling me and eventually met me at a cafe in the city. He convinced me to come down here, but as soon as I got in the car, he drugged me and knocked me out.”

Miyeon’s eyebrows shot up, mouth opening slightly in surprise, but you kept talking. As soon as you had opened the floodgates, everything came spilling out. You didn’t realize how bad you had wanted to tell somebody about this. After having to keep every single thought to yourself for so long, it had built up, and now you couldn’t stop yourself. Your head was spinning as you struggled to articulate your thoughts, but you forced yourself to continue.

“It’s because I didn’t accept his proposal that you’re here, and I know that. I’m so sorry you were dragged into this. I tried to stop him from contacting you, but I couldn’t,” you kept your voice hushed, but your grip on the arm of the chair tightened so much that your knuckles turned white. “This place is dangerous. I can’t get out by myself, and I can’t just leave you here. I need help.”

Miyeon shook her head, raising up her hands as if to stop you. Some of the color had drained from her face, leaving her looking slightly ill. “Wait, slow down,” she sounded alarmed, leaning in a little closer. “Dangerous how? What is this place?”

Your mouth was dry. You thought for a few seconds, trying to figure out a way to explain the nature of Mint Eye to Miyeon, but you came to the realization that there was no pleasant or easy way to tell her the truth. You would have to tell her the situation at it was with the hope that she would believe you.

So that was what you did.

“I’m not completely sure of all the details,” you began, “because I’ve only been here for a few weeks, and Ray doesn’t let me go anywhere or speak to anyone. But what I do know for sure is that this place is some sort of a religious cult. They call the person in charge their ‘Savior’ and drug people with this liquid they call an elixir. They made me take it when I first got here and it fucked me up for a little while.”

You hesitated, the words beginning to twist together in your throat. It was hard to speak. A cold sweat washed over you at the memory of the elixir. It was something you actively tried not to think about, and remembering it left you feeling uncomfortable and slightly ill. You looked back up at Miyeon, meeting her gaze again. “I know how it sounds, but I promise you I’m telling the truth.”

“A cult?” Miyeon repeated slowly, eyes flickering over to the door for a second as she seemed to try and register your words. She shuddered suddenly before looking back to you. “But Ray said I was here to test an app; what does that have to do with a cult?”

That was a good question. You hated that you couldn’t give her an answer.

“I’m not really sure, either,” you admitted. “I’ve tried asking about it, but Ray won’t tell me anything. He even told me not to discuss it with you. All I know is that the app is somehow really important to them and that they needed a third-party person to play it.”

“Really?” Miyeon glanced over at her phone, which she had set down on the table earlier. She seemed to space out for a second, going quiet, and her amber eyes lost their focus. It was like she momentarily went somewhere far away.

“You know…” she paused for a second, still staring at the phone. “This is making me think about a conversation I had in one of the chatrooms earlier. Hang on.”

Miyeon reached out to the phone, and your heart dropped into your stomach when she turned it on.

“Wait!” You spoke before you could think and Miyeon stopped immediately, whipping her head around to meet your eyes again. 

“Don’t access the app while I’m here. He’ll see the logs,” your heart was hammering, and you struggled to regain your composure, but a terror had flooded your system at possibly being found out. “They can’t know that I’m telling you this.”

She stared at you for a few seconds, bewildered, before pulling her hand back. “Right, sorry.”

Miyeon’s apology caused guilt to pool in the bottom of your stomach. “No, don’t be,” you tried to relax a little bit, but you still felt so on edge that it was hard to think clearly. “Sorry, I panicked. You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

You felt like a lunatic, and could only hope that Miyeon didn’t share that opinion. But the corners of her lips quirked upwards, and though it was only a slight smile, it still eased some of your discomforts greatly. You got the hopeful impression that Miyeon wasn’t completely rejecting what you had to say, and the amount of relief that brought you was astronomical. It was your greatest fear that she wouldn’t believe you and would end up surrendering herself to Mint Eye. That was something that you couldn’t let happen, especially not after being responsible for her situation in the first place.

Miyeon was such a kind person. She deserved a better life than that of a lifeless Believer.

“You’re fine,” Miyeon seemed to be easing up a little bit as some of the tension in the air faded. “I wasn’t really thinking either. It’s just- I remembered that I was in a chatroom last night with Zen and Jaehee, and what you’re saying is making me think back on it.”

You couldn’t remember anything of substance about the RFA members besides a few of their names that you recalled from Ray’s files, but you didn’t interrupt. Miyeon continued her story.

“Anyways, I guess Jaehee’s character is suspicious about the player- or me, I guess- whereas Zen isn’t as much. Zen mentioned something about the player being in a situation where they were wrongfully exploited without knowing. Like, they had gotten involved in a fishy situation with no idea that something suspicious was going on around them.”

You took a second to consider Miyeon’s words. What she described suited her position oddly well; she had gotten involved with Mint Eye completely by accident, and hadn’t had any idea that she was putting herself in extreme danger by doing so. She probably thought she was being helpful, but ended up getting taken advantage of. The thought prompted a shudder, and goosebumps prickled at your arms.

“Sorry,” you readjusted your position. “That’s really creepy, though. That they said something that applies so well, I mean. But I honestly don’t really know a lot of specifics about the game or the characters, so I can’t make any sense of it either.”

At that remark, Miyeon went into a brief explanation about the game, keeping her voice down all the while. She gave you a brief description of each of the characters. Her explanations provided you with different information from what you had found in Ray’s documents, and you found it much more interesting to hear about their general personalities and backgrounds rather than reading about their heights, weights, and blood types.

The RFA’s founder, Rika, was apparently a character who also played an important role in the app. Though Rika’s character had been deceased, apparently by suicide, there was a conflict among the members about the true nature of her death. You wondered if that was related to any of the secrets the player was supposed to uncover.

You still weren’t able to determine the importance of the app to Mint Eye, even with your newly acquired information, but you stored it in your head anyways with the hope that it could come in handy later.

“So,” Miyeon quietly started again, meeting your eyes as she spoke, “you said I’m in danger by being here, right? Because this place is a cult?”

You nodded in response. “Definitely. Like I said, they already drugged me twice, and they won’t let me leave. It took a lot of fighting with Ray for me to get the chance to speak with you alone like this. It’s the first time I’ve been out of that room for more than a few minutes. I’m not sure what they’ll end up doing to you, but I doubt they’ll let you just leave after you’re done with the app. They won’t have any issues with forcing that drug down your throat the same way they did to me.”

Miyeon’s face contorted into a display of discomfort at your words. It seemed like a part of her was hesitating as she glanced at her phone for a moment. “I haven’t spoken to many people since coming here,” she said. “The driver that picked me up made me wear a sleeping mask, and I couldn’t take it off until I was in here, so I don’t even know where we are. I haven’t seen any rooms outside of the ones on this floor. It makes sense when I consider what you’re telling me, but… a cult?”

The disbelief in her voice was almost tangible. It was like Miyeon didn’t want to admit to herself that what you were saying was real. You couldn’t blame her. Even you hesitated to accept the reality of the situation sometimes, and you had been here for weeks. You had seen the Believers, heard their words about eternal salvation and paradise as they praised their Savior. You had been drugged twice and confined in a small room, unable to do anything alone, and threatened into compliance. You were officially a member of a cult, even if the status had been forced onto you. Mint Eye had been your entire life for over half of a month, but it was still a struggle to accept any of it as reality. 

You sympathized with Miyeon greatly, but you couldn’t risk sugar-coating the situation. She needed to understand the extent of the danger she was in, so you gathered your thoughts before continuing.

“I know it probably sounds like I’m making this up, but I swear to you that I’m not,” you tried to channel all of your sincerity into your words. “I can’t stress enough how much danger you’re in by being here. We both are.”

Miyeon met your gaze again. “You’re saying they won’t let me leave after I’m finished with the game?”

You considered her words for a second, though you already knew the answer. Ray spent considerable time bringing Miyeon here, and the Savior regarded her as an important person. Though Ray had never specifically told you that the tester was meant to stay at Mint Eye after finishing the game, you were uncomfortable with the idea of assuming that Miyeon would be allowed to leave so easily. Mint Eye was a cesspool of manipulation, druggings, and confinement, and Miyeon was already too deeply involved. Just like you.

“I can’t say for sure, but the fact that they had you brought here despite how distrustful they are of outsiders tells me that they’re not going to be entirely willing to let you leave that easily,” you responded, furrowing your eyebrows a bit. “But I’ll see what I can find out from Ray. He might not tell me anything, but I can try.”

Miyeon nodded a little bit. The concern was obvious on her face, but it was hard to decipher what exactly she was thinking. Though it seemed like she believed you, you weren’t entirely sure.

“I know this is a lot to take in,” you tried to console her. “If you need time to think about this, I completely understand. But-”

A knock on the door interrupted you.

Your heart dropped to your stomach and you immediately went rigid, sitting back up straight. Your breath seemed to catch in your throat, rendering you completely speechless as your eyes darted toward the door.

_ Shit. _

Miyeon handled the surprise much more gracefully than you did. She straightened up and turned to the door, calling out, “Yes, who is it?”

Your chest was rattling, heart thumping against it with anxious vigor. When had you become so skittish?

“It’s me, Ray,” his voice was familiar, and though he didn’t sound suspicious or angry, you were still terrified that he’d heard you.

Miyeon glanced over at you for a second and you met her gaze. You gave her a small nod, which she returned before looking back to the door.

“Come in!” She called, plastering on the same smile that she usually sported. Miyeon’s demeanor completely changed, reverting back to the same easy friendliness that she had exuded when you first met. 

You were impressed. Miyeon made it look so easy.

Ray opened the door and entered the room, eyes falling on the two of you sitting at the table. “Sorry to interrupt,” he greeted before catching your gaze. “It’s time to go back.”

It hadn’t been long since you’d arrived, you thought. Maybe twenty minutes? Your heart was still pounding in your chest, sending waves of anxiety coursing through your bloodstream. 

Ray hadn’t heard you, right?

You nodded and stood up, turning to face Miyeon, who’d gotten up as well. You gave her a smile, trying to evoke the same nonchalance that she was showing, but it was hard to quiet your racing thoughts. “Thanks for having me,” you said. “I’ll see you again?”

You tried to keep your sentences short and voice as business-like as you could. Miyeon seemed to catch on to that. “Sure!” She responded. “Let’s talk again soon.”

It was a good sign. You definitely hadn’t been able to talk to Miyeon as much as you wanted to. There was a lot more that you needed to tell her. But for now, she seemed to receive your words well enough, and that managed to bring you some comfort. 

You walked over to Ray, whose hand immediately grabbed yours as if he had become touch-starved in the time that you had been apart. He bid Miyeon a farewell and ushered you out, closing the door behind you.

As soon as it was just the two of you, Ray let out a deep sigh. He began the trek back down the hallway, and you followed suit. Upon trying to decipher his body language, you came to the conclusion that he didn’t look particularly angry or upset. No tense shoulders or clenched jaw, no furrowed brows or passive-aggressive avoidance of eye contact.

That deduction allowed you to relax. If Ray hadn’t heard you talking to Miyeon, then you were fine.

“Are you alright?” You asked, meeting his eyes when he turned to look at you.

“I missed you,” Ray admitted, giving your hand a squeeze. “I met with the Savior while you were with the tester. I gave her a report and she’s satisfied with our progress.”

“That’s good,” you responded. “I’m glad to hear she’s happy with us.”

Ray nodded. The two of you rounded a corner and you noticed two Believers standing in the middle of the hallway, holding some sort of conversation between themselves. You had been prepared to maneuver around them, but Ray apparently was not. He came to a stop, which forced you to follow suit, and sent a frown their way.

“You two,” Ray’s voice hardened as he addressed the Believers, grip on your hand tightening. “Out of the way.”

The two Believers straightened up after hearing Ray’s voice. It was a little unnecessary; you would have been fine moving around them, but apparently Ray did not extend his usual kindness to the rest of the Believers.

“Oh, yes,” one of them responded, moving toward the wall to clear the hallway

“Mr. Ray!” The other addressed, bowing his head. “Please, go ahead.”

Ray didn’t respond and ushered you forward. You made a conscious effort not to look at the Believers like usual, but before you had the opportunity to pass the pair, Ray came to a sudden stop again. You also halted, glancing up at him. His eyes were locked onto one of the Believers, eyebrows furrowed slightly

“Hang on,” Ray said. “You there. Have we met before?”

Curiosity got the better of you, and you peered around Ray at the Believer in question. You were unable to make out much of his face, as his head was lowered considerably, but you thought for a second that he seemed to have glanced in your direction.

“People have said that to me often,” the Believer’s response was vague like he was avoiding answering the question. You thought you could detect the slightest hint of urgency in his deep voice, barely noticeable but still there. 

“What’s your number?” Ray’s interrogation continued.

“Number A306,” the response was much more rehearsed this time, and considerably smoother than the first. 

“A306…” Ray mused. “You’re from the information team, then.”

The Believer nodded his head. “That’s correct, sir.”

Ray sighed, as if deep in thought. You continued to stand next to him, growing slightly more uncomfortable with each passing second. You felt out of place. Usually, Ray didn’t stop for casual chit-chat with the Believers when you were around. It was reminiscent of waiting for a parent to stop chatting with an old friend at the grocery store; uncomfortable and prolonged. 

“Ah,” Ray seemed to snap out of his trance, glancing over at you shortly before speaking again. “This isn’t the time for this. We should be returning.”

You didn’t trust yourself to speak and resorted to nodding instead. 

“Excuse us,” Ray glanced back up to the Believers once more, but his gaze focused on the one he had been speaking to for a few seconds longer. You wondered what it was about this person that intrigued Ray so much. To you, he seemed to be the same as every other Believer.

“For eternal paradise,” the same Believer spoke. The phrase evoked a shudder that you were unable to suppress. Goosebumps prickled up your arms.

“For eternal paradise.” Ray gave your hand a slight tug and you followed him forward again, your pace quickened. The entire encounter had been both awkward and peculiar. Something about it left a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach, though you couldn’t explain why. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end, and you were aware of the distinct feeling that someone was staring at you. 

Discreetly, you spared a glance back, hoping to catch one more look at the Believer.

You met eyes with the man for little more than a second. He had raised his head back up, the lights on the walls illuminating his face despite his hood being pulled up. You caught sight of chin-length hair, a bright mint that contrasted against the black of the man’s robes. His eyes were trained on you, eyebrows furrowed into a frown that seemed to be both confused and suspicious.

Immediately you whipped your head back around, feeling slightly unsettled. You had planned on secretly looking at him, not making awkward eye-contact. The Believers usually didn’t interact with you at all and you were always more than happy to return the favor. They creeped you out.

Still… It was strange. Why had he been looking at you like that?

You tried to push your discomfort away. There was no use in creating more problems when you already had enough to worry about.

As soon as you got back to the workroom, Ray relaxed considerably. The door shut behind you, the lock clicking shut and cutting you off from the rest of Magenta once more. Ray wasted no time in turning to you, releasing your hand only to raise his up and cradle your cheek. His eyes were tender as they gazed at you, like he was drinking you in after being apart for an unbearable amount of time. As always, you wondered what was going on in Ray’s head; why he felt so attached to you, and why it was so hard for him when you were gone.

“I missed you…” Ray’s voice was low, but it seemed loud amidst the silence in the room. “The whole time you were gone, I was worried. I couldn’t stop thinking about you; what you were doing, if you missed me too…”

You offered him a smile, but didn’t say anything else. Ray seemed absorbed in his own thoughts, as he usually did when he got this way, so you let him work through it on his own. As his eyes took in your face, you briefly wondered why it felt like he was standing closer to you than usual. The air was normally frigid, but it currently felt warmer than you were used to. 

“What did you talk about with the tester?” He asked you suddenly, running his thumb across the apple of your cheek slowly.

“Oh, not much,” you tried to sound casual. “We just chatted about this and that. I made sure not to talk about anything important. Did you know her favorite color is green?”

You hadn’t the slightest idea of what Miyeon’s favorite color was, but you figured that detail was so minute that it would back up your lie while remaining too insignificant to disprove.

Ray hummed, still clearly distracted by whatever thoughts were swirling in his head while he gazed at you. His thumb moved from your cheek to the skin directly under your eye, the fabric of his gloves smooth and warm against your skin. Something about the atmosphere was unusual. It felt more intimate than normal, leaving you to wonder if that was why Ray’s usual displays of affection were different as well.

“What’s your favorite color?” He asked after a few seconds.

“Blue,” your response was the first color that came to mind.

Ray moved his hand from your cheek to tangle his fingers through some of your hair gently. He touched you as if you were the most precious thing in the world, as if you were too delicate to handle without the utmost care. You wondered briefly if this was how he looked at the Savior; like she, too, was made of glass.

“I want to know everything about you,” Ray mused, combing his fingers through a few strands of your hair. He seemed mesmerized by whatever he was seeing, eyes trained on the hair that curled around his fingertips. “From your favorite color to your innermost thoughts. I wish I could hack into your mind to learn everything. And in return, I wish you would think of nothing but me, look at nobody but me, and listen to every word I say.”

Your stomach began to twist and turn. Ray’s words were going a step beyond the regular uncomfortable things he usually said. A small shiver prickled up your spine on spindly legs, prompting the eruption of goosebumps across your flesh. The warmth in the room seemed to intensify, but it couldn’t reach the chill that had settled in your bones. To say you were uncomfortable would be an understatement.

Ray chuckled quietly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He leaned in closer to you, invading your personal space much more than he usually did in order to rest his forehead against yours. You felt the strands of his hair against your skin, foreign and slightly ticklish. The familiar, flowery scent that followed him invaded your head, sweet and gentle as it settled in your nose. A sudden wave of dizziness washed over you, leaving you feeling lightheaded and strange. You remained completely still, not trusting yourself to say a single thing. You couldn’t decipher the sudden attack on your senses, and your heart only beat louder in your head, reverberating so loudly that you were sure Ray could hear it.

_ Too close. _ It was too much.

“Everything about you is so sweet...” Ray’s words were reduced to little more than a whisper. You could feel his breath, warm as it hit your face, caressing your cheeks. “I don’t want to share you with anyone. I’d rather keep you in here forever, so only I could see you. Because you’re mine, and I know the rest of the world would steal you from me if they could.”

You were quickly becoming overwhelmed, suddenly aware of every minuscule movement you were making. from the rising and falling of your chest as you breathed to the slight parting of your lips. Ray’s eyes had fallen shut but you felt far too strange to follow in his example. He was close enough for you to take in the smallest details about his face, like the deep red of his eyelashes and the small blemishes atop milky skin.

It was quiet for a few seconds too long, and panic began to bleed through the fog in your mind.

Did Ray expect you to respond? What were you supposed to say? Your heart was in your throat, beating quickly and preventing you from speaking. You felt like you were beginning to overheat. Ray was warm and he was close,  _ too close, _ surrounding you with the scent of flowers and something vaguely chemical.

What were you supposed to do?

As if reading your thoughts Ray pulled back ever so slightly, just enough for him to raise his head. He brushed some of your bangs to the side, leaving enough space for him to press his lips against the skin of your forehead. His lips were slightly chapped, but the kiss itself was incredibly tender. Though it lasted only for a few seconds, it was more than enough to freeze you in place, allowing your mind to go blank like it had been overwhelmed beyond capacity.

Ray finally pulled back, eyes meeting yours. The smell of flowers lingered in his absence, still surrounding you, curling around your flushed cheeks. Ray’s cheeks, nose, and the tips of his ears were a similar deep red, making him appear bashful. His lips were curled into an almost embarrassed smile, but upon taking in your face, he let out a chuckle.

“Your face is cute,” Ray remarked, as if gaining back some of his confidence. “Your cheeks are red. Did I surprise you?”

Wasn’t it obvious?

Your mind was much too hazy to allow for you to voice of any sort of response so you just continued to stand still, staring at Ray blankly. In the midst of the moment, you found that you didn’t trust yourself. 

You weren’t quite sure why.

“Actually,” Ray began, reaching down to take your hands in his again, “I’m scared of losing you to someone else, so while you were gone, I thought I should be bolder. I don’t want to let you slip away. You’re too important to me.”

You still weren’t sure if you were meant to respond to any of this. The many thoughts swimming in your head were beginning to settle back down a little bit, but the situation itself was so unexpected that you were at a loss for words.

“I can be bolder for you,” he continued, gripping your hands tightly. “I can make sure you’re entertained and happy here in Paradise, with me. I really,  _ really  _ like you.”

You still weren’t sure if you were supposed to respond, so you opted to stay quiet. His Ray’s words were so genuine, so  _ gentle _ that it threw you for a loop. His moods were so volatile, always switching for the smallest reasons, but every time he returned to being affectionate, you were left confused. You had been growing used to hearing him say things like this, and the fact that it was becoming normal to you left you with a strange, almost foreboding feeling. You didn’t know why.

Ray examined your face for a few more seconds, tilting his head in thought. “What are you thinking?” 

Where would you begin? You were thinking of too much, all at once, and none of it made any sense. He could never know what really went on in your head.

“I’m not really sure,” this answer was the most honest you had ever been with him. The words fell out of your mouth surprisingly easy when you didn’t feel the need to lie. “I’m just surprised. Like you said.”

Ray seemed to be okay with your response. “I want you to be happy here,” he repeated. “In Paradise. With me. Even if I have to let you see the tester, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you’re happiest when you’re with me. Okay?”

_ Ah,  _ you thought. So that was what spurred this on. Ray was insecure; jealous that you had been spending time with somebody else. 

You just nodded.

It was strange, though. Ray had always been invasive of your boundaries, but he had never gone far enough to behave the way he’d just behaved with you. It was unsettling to think that every time you began to believe you might be figuring him out, things just kept getting deeper and more complicated.

  
It was like you were in a whirlpool of strange emotions and secrets. Every corner of Magenta was filled to the brim with dark shadows, protected by lifeless Believers, devoted blindly to a Savior who stepped on them repeatedly. And you were stuck in the middle, dragged here by Ray, and unable to get out. He held onto you tightly, unwilling to let you go, determined to keep you stuck here. Every time you blinked, your hole became a little bit deeper.

Your face was still warm. But, somehow, you managed to feel an incredible chill sink its way through your skin, settling deep in your bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I never formally announced any sort of schedule for this fic, but I was regularly updating every three days. So to anyone who noticed that it took me a day longer, I'm sorry about that! I wanted to post last night but the chapter wasn't edited to my liking. I, unfortunately, have a lot of health problems, one of which is a bad heart, and I passed out yesterday and ended up really sick for like 48 hours. (It happened in front of like, eight other people... It was embarrassing.) Even though I was still writing while ill, I wanted to take the extra time today to make sure that this chapter was up to my regular standards. So thanks so much for being patient with me! I hope it was worth the wait and that this chapter didn't end up too funky. 
> 
> Things are starting to pick up a bit! I spent so long building a foundation for the plot and developing the characters that I'm kind of nervous to move on to the main part of the story haha. I hope that I do alright, as this is the first time I've written such a long fic. It's a little nerve-wracking, but I'm having a lot of fun so I hope you guys are, too. There are a lot of small things in this chapter that hint toward future interactions/problems, and I'm really curious to see what everyone picks up on! :) Some are much more obvious than others.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left Kudos/comments on my last chapter! Reading through everyone's thoughts is always such a treat. It's so motivating and it brings me a lot of happiness to hear such kind things from you guys. I appreciate each and every single word from every single one of you. So if you ever have anything to say, no matter how small it may seem to you, I'd absolutely love to hear it! 
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading! I hope everyone is well and staying healthy. Take care!


	9. In The Dead of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you, while sleep-deprived, make a choice that changes everything.

_ Your couch was lumpy. The apartment was filled with the same thick, musty smell as always. You remembered that at first, it had bothered you considerably, but you had resigned yourself to ignore it as much as you could. Now though, whether it be as a result of necessity or just desensitization, you couldn’t find it in you to care anymore. _

_ In fact, you found you almost liked it. Something about that smell resonated with you. It was nowhere near pleasant, and prolific in its attempts to get under your skin and settle in your nostrils. But somehow, it was similar to a lot of aspects of your life.  _

_ You were unhappy. So terribly unhappy that your hurt had morphed into lethargy a long time ago, equally as consuming but much more dangerous. Like the rest of your troubles, the smell of your apartment faded to the back of your mind, turning into a kind of background noise that you learned to tune out. _

_ Your apartment was small and poorly lit. It seemed like the glow of the lights on the ceilings couldn’t reach into most of the nooks and crannies of the room, leaving areas that seemed considerably darker than you would have liked. But you learned to turn a blind eye to that, too. _

_ You didn’t even care that the shadows in the many unlit corners of your room were growing larger by the day. Every night, they stretched out a little more, reaching toward you with beckoning arms, whispering words of temptation with tongues both fluid and sharp. You had grown used to that, too.  _

_ Eventually, it became more of a game to you. How close would that darkness get to consuming you tonight? Would this night be your last? Would you open your eyes again in the morning? And if you did, would you ever be relieved instead of disappointed at the prospect of living another day? _

_ Your sigh was the only noise in the small room. Its attempt to fill the silence ended in failure. _

_ It used to bother you that you had nobody by your side. You remembered the agony that you felt at writhing in your own suffering every single night, knowing that there wasn’t a single person who would come to your rescue. You didn’t want to suffer alone anymore. You had longed for words of comfort, even if they were fake, just to ease some of the weight that had settled itself onto your chest, growing heavier by the day, and slowly suffocating you. Even just the presence of another person would have been enough, you thought.  _

_ But you would never know, because nobody would ever come. It was a cruel irony, because you knew that you would never let anybody get close enough to witness your pain anyway. You were your own worst enemy, and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. _

_ Now, you spent your nights staring at the ceiling, scrolling through your phone, thinking idly of the skewed course your life had taken. You had stopped caring, it seemed, because the dark of night eventually became a source of comfort as you slowly grew more used to it. It was the same every night, and you could rely on the fact that it would never change. As long as you lived in that apartment, those nights would remain with you. _

_ Now, though, your apartment felt far away. Those nights remained distant in the horizon, as did the shadows that reached for you with grotesque arms. You had thought that they would never end, but now they were fading away. In the blink of an eye, everything had changed.  _

_ You weren’t mourning, but you also weren’t sure how to adjust to a new normal. You had never expected anything different from the monotony that you had grown so used to. _

_ Mint eyes. Burning chemicals. Soft flowers. Endless juxtapositions and no explanations. Secrets in every direction. Anxiety and fear that you hadn’t felt in months now plagued your every movement, rekindled with a burning vengeance, as if punishing you for having become so stoic. _

_ You had grown used to his voice, his hands on yours, and the warmth he tried to share with you. You tiptoed around him, always walking on eggshells. Yet you were conflicted because, despite all of the secrecy, a part of you had grown used to him.  _

_ Was this the human contact that you had longed for so much? How long would this new normal last? Would these nights eventually pass you by, too? _

_ Would you ever turn to see the horizon of your past tainted with a bright mint? _

  
  


Your bedroom was darker than you remembered. 

Your eyelids struggled to open. Your body and limbs were lead, heavy by your side, refusing to move.

As you slowly awoke from yet another disorienting dream, the haze that it left in its wake clung to your mind, fogging your thoughts with a sticky confusion. Your bedroom seemed to twist and turn in front of your very eyes, walls morphing around you as your brain struggled to return from the distorted corridors of your dreams. Everything was strange around you. You felt disconnected from your surroundings, as if you were somehow still dreaming.

You didn’t bother trying to move. You had done this before and knew that remaining still was your only option. As the seconds passed you by, slowly turning into minutes, you eventually began to regain a semblance of control over yourself once again.

A sigh fell from your lips, the only noise that filled the air around you. It was soft, yet somehow equally loud as it broke the heavy silence that had settled in your room.

Your mind slowly started to return to you. The contorting of your room began to come to a slow, lazy stop, and your limbs began to feel a little bit lighter. Reality was returning to you, and the haze of your waking dream was retreating into the back of your mind once again.

Though the act of sleeping hadn’t been easy for you since arriving at Mint Eye, you had generally still been able to sleep through the night. Even if it was hard to drift away or you had nightmares, you would still remain asleep until your body decided it was time to wake up for the next day. Though you never moved around much physically during the day, the mental fatigue that you encountered daily was more than enough to exhaust you. Between planning an escape, tiptoeing around Ray, and stressing about the Savior, your mind wore itself to exhaustion regularly. By the time you shut yourself away in the bedroom for the night and allowed your head to quiet down a bit, you were more than ready to sleep until the morning.

Tonight was different, though.

Your thoughts had been swirling in circles since Ray’s declaration after your meeting with Miyeon. You found yourself once again re-evaluating your stance on your situation. As usual, you had come to a conclusion on your own and sat with it until Ray did something to prove that conclusion wrong. You had grown used to his typical displays of affection, from hand-holding to tender words of sweet sentiments. Though you knew he liked you to some capacity, you had convinced yourself that it would never go beyond whatever your relationship had already come to. But there were several problems with that from the start.

There had never been any adequate words to describe the nature of your relationship with Ray. He was, according to Mint Eye’s records, your boss. But he didn’t seem like an employer to you, and you didn’t feel like much of an assistant, either. You had also never considered him a friend or companion. You had never even considered telling him anything personal about yourself, even if he likely already knew the details of your life. But it was obvious that he liked you to some degree. Ray was comfortable being emotional around you, as proved by the multitude of outbursts he’d allowed you to witness, but he still refrained from telling you anything extremely personal about himself. It was like Ray was holding himself back in a similar way to you. You had grown comfortable with the current terms of your relationship and eventually considered him a strange acquaintance; someone who you’d grown used to being physically close to and who you allowed to fawn over you purely because you had no other options.

You had never known what you were to Ray, though. Whether he considered you as just an assistant, a friend, or something else was unclear to you, and you had never previously cared because it didn’t make a difference to you.

But now that Ray had openly admitted that he was planning on being ‘bolder’ with you, you found yourself reevaluating everything you had come to conclude about the nature of your relationship. He had purposely tried to be more intimate with you. Despite how small a kiss on the forehead seemed in comparison to everything else that had happened to you at Magenta, it carried significant weight. It changed the course of your relationship, and as a result, it put you on edge. You had already been walking a very fine line with Ray, and you were aware that things would start to get much more complicated if he attempted to deepen his bond with you.

And that night, it was those thoughts that disrupted your sleeping. Your mind refused to quiet down, filled to the brim with uncertainties and unanswered questions. You wanted nothing more than a break, a brief respite from all of the stress that had been routinely plaguing you for weeks. Sleeping was the only way that you could remove yourself from your situation, even if only temporarily. You found solace in the hours in which you weren’t truly present. But you weren’t offered any such opportunity tonight.

With a sigh, you rolled over onto your side, pulling the blankets up to your chin. You found comfort in the cocoon of warmth you’d surrounded yourself in. The two rooms that were Ray’s workspace and your bedroom were always icy cold, despite the number of machines running constantly, and you had grown fond of the time that you spent beneath blankets. Not only were you warm and comfortable, but the hours you spent in bed were the only hours you spent alone. You didn’t have to act a certain way, say anything specific, or hide your thoughts. It was the only time you could allow yourself to just exist.

Tonight, though, you were anything but comfortable. 

Growing slowly agitated at your inability to fall asleep, you finally gave up and raised your head. You reached for your phone at the nightstand and picked it up. The light from the screen seemed incredibly bright as it broke through the dark of night, and you had to squint to prevent your eyes from burning in their sockets.

_ 3:22 AM. _

You put the phone back and sat up, leaning against the headboard.  _ What a joke _ , you thought. Despite feeling physically tired, your mind was so awake that you knew sleep would continue to elude you. There was no point in trying anymore, but you didn’t want to leave the comfort of your room, even though there wasn’t a single thing to do. It was times like these where you missed the mundane things that used to keep you busy, like scrolling through social media, listening to music, or watching TV shows.

The complete lack of anything to do only exacerbated the silence in your room. You came to the uncomfortable realization that it was very quiet. Too quiet, in fact.

You glanced toward the door, still shut, and strained your ears. It took you a second to pinpoint what was making you feel off. Usually, you would hear Ray typing throughout the night, endlessly dedicated to his work. Currently, though, you couldn’t hear a thing. Somehow, the silence was louder with the absence of his typing. It had become background noise, something you were so used to hearing that its absence was off-putting. You could hear the faint humming of computers, but nothing else.

Was he asleep?

You had never seen Ray sleeping before. You knew that he took naps every so often while you were asleep, but you’d never caught him in the act. You had only seen him popping caffeine pills like candy, claiming they were all he needed to keep going through the night.

It was a surprise to you that he had functioned in such a self-destructive way for so long. You could only imagine how wrecked Ray’s body must have been by this point.

Not that it really mattered, of course. You looked away from the door and settled back into your spot on the bed, still sitting up against the headboard.

Your boredom continued as minutes dragged by. The night remained silent, dark, and empty. It was a strange feeling, like you were removed from the world outside of your little room. If you tried hard enough, you might have been able to convince yourself that none of this was real. In the dead of night, you wouldn’t have to think about cults, drugs, and secret escape plans. It all felt so far away from you. You knew the guise of security was nothing more than an illusion, but you allowed yourself to revel in it anyways.

Until the sun came back up, you could sit here and just exist without risking your safety. You didn’t have to be responsible for anything or anyone, you didn’t have to feel guilty or trapped. If you closed your eyes, you could pretend that you were sitting up in your bed at the old apartment. You could pretend that when daylight broke, you could just roll out of bed, wander over to the cafe or the park, and sit there all day, watching clouds roll across the sky with a languid serenity.

It was more comfortable to pretend that you weren’t here. You briefly wondered what you would have been doing now if none of this had ever happened. Would you still be homeless? Maybe you would have found a shelter of some sort. You would definitely have been out of money by this point. Even the cafe which had given you respite at the time would have been inaccessible to you.

It was strange. You hadn’t thought about money or apartments for a long time. Your old world felt eons away, like a distant memory you would never be able to fully grasp ever again. Even once you did get out of Mint Eye, you knew that you would never be able to go back to the same life. Everything would be different.

That thought scared you. You knew that you wanted to escape Magenta, but everything after that was undecided. You had never been good with long-term plans. You had no safety net, no friends or family, no home to go back to.

But there was no point in worrying about that before you even knew if you would live to see those anxieties come to fruition. 

Your mind was beginning to drift back away, filled with memories of park benches and hot lattes. A tranquil comfort filled your mind as you remembered the time spent watching sunset after sunset without a care in the world. You had never really been fond of your previous lifestyle. It was far from perfect, and you couldn’t say that you had been happy, but a part of you still missed it.

You had almost fallen back asleep when a short yell from outside the door broke right through the weak fog that was filling your mind, waking you back up with a disorienting start. Your heart jumped into your throat at the sudden noise, loud enough to frighten you considerably.

You sat straight up and faced the door, but didn’t move to get up. For a second you thought you had imagined the yell, but when you listened closely, you realized that the silence had been broken. You could hear heavy breathing from the other side of the door, clearly distressed. Furrowing your eyebrows, you remained still for a few seconds longer in hopes of hearing something else that would clue you into what was going on, but there was nothing. The movement from the other side of the door indicated that Ray was now awake, and likely distressed.

You should have remained in your room and minded your own business. You knew that whatever was going on with Ray had nothing to do with you. His personal life was extremely complicated, and you knew little about it. There was no reason for you to get involved any deeper, especially since you had already been at the edge of a steep cliff for quite a while. It was dangerous to risk falling off.

But some part of you had trouble with the idea of ignoring him. It must have been the dream you had just woken up from. It ignited a small spark of compassion within you.

You had witnessed Ray’s suffering, even if only through small glimpses. You had seen the effects of a painful past, from his unstable emotions to his clinginess toward you. You had empathized for quite some time, even if only under the guise of human decency. So when you got out of your bed and walked toward the door, you knew that even if this was a bad idea, you wouldn’t have been able to stop yourself from trying to help. Not after that dream.

You twisted the doorknob and opened the door slowly. Your eyes didn’t have much adjusting to do as the blue light from the monitors was rather dim. You immediately noticed Ray sitting at his desk, slouched over with his head buried in his hands, elbows propped on the table. Ray’s magenta blazer was hung over the back of his chair, leaving him in his white shirt and black vest, and his gloves were laid out next to his keyboard. He was tense, curled into himself as if seeking comfort.

He must have had a nightmare, as you’d assumed earlier.

Ray’s shoulders were trembling. He didn’t seem to notice that you’d walked in. It felt different to stand here in the dead of night, looking at him in such a vulnerable state. Even the shadows in the room seemed to be asleep at this hour, leaving you two completely alone.

“Ray?”

You tried to keep your voice soft, but it felt out of place against the silence in the room, awkward and unnatural.

Ray immediately looked up and met your gaze. His eyes were bloodshot and watery, his hair ruffled out of place. He looked more pale than usual, even despite the blue tinge that the computer light bestowed upon him. It was strange to see Ray like this, without his blazer and gloves. It was a bit more authentic. But his demeanor, coupled with the look in his eyes, made him seem so haunted that it caused something uncomfortable to tug at your heart.

Ray seemed surprised to see you. The shock flittered across his features for just a second before he attempted to cover it back up with a shaky facade of poise.

“Ah-” Ray sat up a little straighter. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

His voice seemed a bit weaker than usual. You weren’t sure why, but it was harder for you to witness him like this than you had expected.

You shook your head in response. “No, you didn’t,” your answer was honest. “I was already awake. Are you okay?”

“You couldn’t sleep?” Ray was purposefully avoiding your question, but you didn’t interrupt. “Is your room okay? If you need anything changed, let me know. I want you to be able to rest well.”

The effort was sweet, in its own way, and you knew that pushing any further would likely be akin to poking at a raw, festering wound. But the same part of you that always empathized with Ray was swaying your usual indifference, and you were having a hard time ignoring it. You weren’t sure if it was because of your exhaustion or for some other indiscernible reason, but at that moment, you didn’t want to drop the subject. You didn’t want to leave him sitting here alone.

Ray’s words couldn’t hide the anguish that was clearly plaguing him. You may not have known him well, but you had been around him for long enough that reading him wasn’t as much of a challenge as it used to be. He looked small and pitiful in the dead of night, even as he was smiling at you.

So, against your better judgment, you left the doorway and entered the room, approaching Ray and taking a seat in your usual chair. It seemed like you would have to be a little more direct if you wanted him to answer your question.

“Everything’s fine,” you said, holding eye contact. “But what about you? It sounded like you had a bad dream.”

Ray’s smile faltered. His eyes fell down to his ungloved hands atop his lap. He seemed ashamed, curling back in on himself slightly.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” his answer was vague, but enough to answer your question. “I know I have work to do. I don’t want you to think that I’m weak.”

You found yourself wondering, not for the first time, what the world had done to Ray to beat him down this much. Did he really not sleep because he didn’t want to be seen as weak?

“Weak?” You repeated. “You mean, for sleeping? And having a nightmare?”

Ray said nothing, but his silence spoke just as loud as words would have.

“Ray, that doesn’t make you weak,” you said. “Your body needs sleep, and everyone gets nightmares. If anything, depriving yourself of rest is actually really harmful.”

It didn’t seem like your words were having much of an effect. Ray’s eyes were still trained downward with no visible signs of relief or comfort. You followed his gaze down to his ungloved hands, still resting atop his lap. His nails were bitten short, cuticles red and swollen. The skin was puffy and angry, having clearly suffered through intense abuse. It hurt for you to just look at the state of his fingers, and you wondered how he could stand typing with them all day.

Just how much was this place pushing him? It was obvious to you that Ray was nowhere near well, despite how highly he spoke of this place and its leader.

An image of the Savior crossed your mind and you found yourself suddenly filling with anger. The thought of her emerald green eyes, glittering as she spoke so gallantly of saving the weak, was upsetting in more ways than one. It was clear to you that Ray was suffering immensely, and seeing the traces of his anguish caused your stomach to turn. He was so devoted to Mint Eye, but as he sat in front of you, looking beaten and ashamed, it was clear that this place wasn’t all good for him, even if he didn’t realize it.

The Savior had a funny definition of paradise. The hypocrisy in her words caused bile to rise up in your throat as you began to get an idea of just how horrible she must have been to advocate for treating her followers in such a heinous way.

“Ah- sorry,” Ray suddenly reached for the gloves on the desk. You glanced back up, realizing he must have noticed your staring at his hands. 

“They’re ugly, aren’t they?” Ray struggled to turn the gloves right-side-out, his hands too shaky to fulfill their purpose quickly. “I try to stop biting my nails, but I can’t help it. I didn’t want you to see them.”

“What? No,” you shook your head, extending your own hands to grab onto his before you could think to stop yourself. “That’s not it. I was just thinking that it must hurt.”

Ray’s hands were warm, encased in your own. It felt different to feel the skin of his hands instead of the usual fabric of his gloves. It seemed more personal, almost intimate. You hadn’t been able to stop yourself when you saw the way his hands had been trembling, rushing to hide within his gloves again. You didn’t like the thought that Ray seemed to feel like he needed to conceal himself in front of you. You weren’t the Savior. You would never want to see someone tremble in fear at your feet the way she did.

Ray seemed so small without the safety of his bright blazer and leather gloves. It was hard for you to see him like this, so desperate for any semblance of safety.

“You don’t have to wear the gloves around me if you don’t want to,” you said, giving his hands a small squeeze. “I don’t think it’s ugly. I mean- if you’re more comfortable with them on, then it’s fine, but don’t force yourself.”

Ray met your eyes again, pools of mint deep with intricate, complex emotions that you couldn’t completely decipher on your own. You wanted to know what he was thinking; what was in his head that was causing him this much anguish? Why had he allowed the Savior to reduce him to this? For all of the time that you had spent around Ray, he was still an anomaly to you. You had never been able to completely figure him out. 

You didn’t know why you cared. It didn’t make sense. But when Ray looked at you this way, like he was entrusting you with the entire world, you felt a responsibility to ease some of his anguish. The last thing you wanted was to assume a role similar to that of the Savior. It was like you were feeling his pain by extension, and despite all he had done to you, you couldn’t imagine taking advantage of his vulnerability by throwing his pain back at him so callously.

It wasn’t like you couldn’t understand some of Ray’s loneliness. You didn’t know him personally, nor did you know much about the emotions that seemed to take over him so often, but you could relate to him in your own way.

You briefly wondered if this place was to Ray what your old apartment was to you. A place with barely concealed shadows that offered a sense of security amidst the danger. It was that thought that prompted you to start talking again.

“You know, I was dreaming too,” you told him. “I fell asleep for a little while and dreamt about my old apartment. I was never very happy there. I used to stay awake all night because I was upset and lonely. I’m sure you feel the same way sometimes. But you’re not alone right now.”

There were a few unspoken words in your rambling; messages hidden beneath the surface. You weren’t sure why you were trying to ease Ray’s loneliness by sharing the details of your own struggled. You were telling him things about your personal life that nobody knew about. You had always been immensely private, especially around Ray. Who would want to willingly surrender personal details about themselves to a person who’d been holding them captive, especially when trying to cheer them up?

But in the dead of night, with the rest of the world asleep around you, it was like the walls you had so painstakingly constructed around yourself were breaking down. The words had fallen out of your mouth rather easily, like you had been waiting to share this with someone for way too long. You were trying to give him what you had longed for so desperately- the understanding and comfort of another person. 

It seemed like you were finally starting to get through to him.

“I…” Ray began, and then paused again for a few seconds. He held your gaze for the duration of the silence before averting his eyes once more, letting them fall onto your interlocked hands. Eventually, he opened his mouth and tried again. “I dreamt about my mom.”

You remained silent as Ray fell back into his own thoughts. 

Even with the words of comfort you had been giving Ray, you hadn’t really expected him to tell you anything about himself. Despite all of the time you had spent together, Ray had never mentioned anything about the life that he had lived before Mint Eye. It was more than obvious to you that he had suffered, and you speculated quite a bit to yourself, but you had done so under the impression that you would never really know.

You were aware that, by allowing yourself to humanize Ray so much, you were throwing your usual caution to the wind. But in the moment, you couldn’t find it within yourself to care. It was hard to view him as an emotionless captor when he was sharing some of his deepest sentiments with you like this.

So, you waited for Ray to continue.

“In my dream, I woke up at home,” he eventually spoke again. “Mom was angry and yelled at me for leaving. She always used to yell a lot, but in my dream she was hitting me again too, saying that I was stupid for trying to run away. That I shouldn’t want to be useful, or eat anything, or rest through the night.”

Ray paused to take a breath. The sigh quivered as he exhaled, running his thumbs across your knuckles. You remained quiet as he stared down at your hands with watery eyes, tightening his grip as if he would fade away if he let you go. 

“She chained me to the kitchen table again,” he finally continued, “so that I couldn’t leave. And all I could do was sit and cry, and wait for somebody to come and save me. Even when she told me to shut up and choked me, I couldn’t quiet down. I wanted to come back here, but I knew that I would never be able to because I’m too weak to do it alone.”

Your heart was twisted in your chest. The lump in your throat made it hard for you to speak. You didn’t understand why you were having such a hard time hearing about Ray’s dream. The emotion with which he spoke, thick with suffering as he recalled the nightmare, settled in the back of your mind. You were being allowed a glimpse into his life, and the small snapshot Ray was providing you with was tainted with a lifetime of suffering at the hands of somebody he should have been able to trust.

Just like now, with the Savior.

Ray started speaking again. “When I woke up, I was afraid. Even though I knew I was here, at Magenta, I was scared that if I opened the door to your room, you would be gone. Then, I would be alone here again, spending all night in this room with nothing but computer screens and endless work.”

Ray’s words toyed with your guilt, bringing you back to reality a little bit. He didn’t know what he was foreshadowing.

You knew that you were planning on leaving Magenta as soon as you got the chance. That would never change. There was no way that you could stay here. But hearing from Ray’s own mouth how much it would tear him apart for you to disappear filled you with self-reproach so pungent that your chest ached.

_ Damn.  _ When had you become so soft?

But you knew that there was no way you could come clean. You didn’t want Ray to suffer, but you couldn’t allow yourself to be locked away with Mint Eye forever, either. So, even though you knew you were only putting off the inevitable, the easiest solution was to open your mouth and lie, if only to temporarily comfort both of you.

Even if that made you a bad person in your own way.

“But you’re not alone,” you said, catching Ray’s eyes as they met yours. “Nightmares are always frightening, especially if they’re about bad things that happened to you. But it’s important to remember that it’s in the past. Of course, I don’t know exactly what you’ve gone through, but try to think of the dreams as a testament to all that you’ve overcome. You might think of yourself as weak, but I think it takes a really strong person to survive what you’ve survived.”

The words felt mismatched and strange as they fell from your mouth. You were more than aware that you were playing a part that wasn’t meant for you. You were a captive, held against your will. You weren’t supposed to be comforting Ray, nor were you supposed to be feeling guilty about the fact that you would eventually have to abandon him. The lines had been blurred for a long time and you had been teetering on the edge of a very steep cliff ever since you allowed yourself to empathize with Ray. You knew that you were only making it worse for him because you were giving him comfort through a companionship that you would have to rip away from him again. You knew that you were going to leave eventually. This was only a temporary solution. But despite all of this, the idea of leaving Ray alone to suffer just didn’t sit right with you. 

“I’m not a strong person,” Ray furrowed his eyebrows slightly. “I’m not supposed to be. All I can do is hack. I learned about computers to be helpful to the Savior. It would be arrogant of me to think that I could live without her. As long as I can be useful through hacking, I can keep working. For her, and for you.”

Your heart sank at the sincerity in Ray’s words. You were finding that it was becoming more difficult for you to think past the rising hatred toward the Savior. You had never liked her. Your first encounter with her had ended with her shoving the elixir down your throat, drugging you while claiming to be doing you a grandiose favor. But her hypocrisy was only growing more clear to you in the wake of Ray’s words.

How could the Savior speak of a paradise, a haven for the weak, when she so actively exploited the insecurities of a person who had suffered as much as Ray had? She was gathering a pool of potential victims under one roof, sweet-talking them into following her every word, and taking advantage of their dependence on her. 

A rock was sitting in the pit of your gut, heavy and uncomfortable. 

Ray believed his words so whole-heartedly that you hurt for him. He truly thought that his life’s purpose was to just be useful to the Savior. 

“But what about your happiness?” You asked, voice remaining low despite the whirlwind of emotions ignited in your mind. “What do you want to do, Ray?”

Ray looked up to meet your eyes again, tilting his head as if he didn’t completely understand the question. “I think…” he trailed off for a second, like he was genuinely considering his options. “I want to find Paradise. I want to exact revenge for the Savior, and I want you to be eternally happy. When I think of you in pain, my heart hurts so much I can hardly stand it. Even before we first met, I knew I didn’t want you to suffer. That’s why I brought you here. If you’re happy, then I can do anything.”

You weren’t sure if Ray realized that he hadn’t answered your question. You briefly wondered if it was a question he was able to answer. It was like considering his own happiness or doing things purely for himself was a completely foreign concept to him. You wouldn’t have been surprised if the Savior had trained this sort of blind, self-denying allegiance into him. You were once again being reminded of the extent to which Ray worshipped her, and how much that devotion was harming him. 

Ray also carried with him the paradox of wanting your happiness despite actively confining you. Was he aware of how bent his reasoning was? Did he genuinely think that keeping you stuck like this was bringing you happiness? Or did he know that you were unhappy, but just didn’t care?

It was hard to tell sometimes. Ray valued your comfort and well-being, and it seemed that he had for a lot longer than you’d initially realized. But that didn’t mean that he was going about his feelings for you in the right way. This wasn’t sustainable. You could never be happy like this.

Ray didn’t make any sense. It was difficult for you to understand his words, despite how hard you tried.

But there was something else that Ray said that caught your attention.

“Revenge?” You furrowed your eyebrows a little bit. This was the first you were hearing of this. “For the Savior?”

You knew that this was a touchy topic. The details of Mint Eye’s mission were strictly classified, and you weren’t privy to the majority of the information despite your status as Ray’s assistant. But the opportunity to learn more about the elusive woman who ran this cult was almost impossible for you to ignore.

Ray was quiet again for a few seconds before he nodded. He seemed hesitant to say anything but eventually held your gaze before speaking, cherry-picking his words. “The Savior was hurt before founding Mint Eye,” he explained. “Just like us, she was taken advantage of by a liar and a hypocrite. Part of my job is to help make sure that the person who hurt her can’t lie to anyone else anymore.”

_ Liar. Hypocrite. _

It was familiar. You had heard those words before.

_ Oh my God. _

A cold sweat was beginning to cover your body. The whole situation was getting bigger right in front of your eyes. The only time you had ever come in contact with those words were when you had found them written on the documents about two of the RFA members.

707 and V, if you remembered correctly. But what could fictional characters have done to her? Were one, if not both of them meant to represent people in the real world?

You had made another connection, but it wasn’t enough. What were you missing?

You had known that there was something malicious about the Savior. She was too cunning, too manipulative to have genuinely good intentions, despite the selfless reasons for which she claimed to have founded Mint Eye. It was clear to you that there was something else beneath her words, but you hadn’t expected her real reason for creating a cult to be this malevolent.

It was difficult for you to suppress the shudder that threatened to wrack over your body at the thought of the Savior purposefully trying to bring harm to another person’s life. How angry did she have to be to found an entire cult just for vengeance? What had this person done to her to bring forth such unbridled rage? There was still so much that you didn’t know, too many holes in your knowledge of the situation.

You would have to ask Miyeon for more details about those two RFA members. There was no way you could let this go. Before that, though, you needed to get as much out of Ray as he was willing to give you.

“What do you mean?” You finally asked. “What happened to her?”

Ray shifted in his seat, growing visibly uncomfortable. His hesitance was even more obvious, like he wanted to answer your question but couldn’t bring himself to. He furrowed his eyebrows a little bit before looking back up to meet your gaze. 

“Sorry,” he said, “but I’m not allowed to tell you anything else. You’re not supposed to know about this.”

You knew that when the Savior was involved, there was no way of convincing Ray to break rules. So you relented easily. “Alright. I won’t mention anything to her.”

You figured that it was okay to stop prying. You would see where this would take you before risking coming off as too pushy.

Ray nodded, clearly relieved. The room fell into silence again, something you were beginning to grow more used to. You continued to sit still in your seat, holding onto Ray’s hands. The continued contact had caused your hands to grow rather warm, but you didn’t pull away just yet.

You found yourself gazing absentmindedly at Ray, taking in just how small he looked in front of you without his blazer. Something about his white dress shirt brought your attention to how incredibly skinny he was. The bags under his eyes seemed accentuated by the light from the monitors, dark and puffy beneath bright mint irises. Though Ray was staring back down at your interlocked fingers, it was obvious that his mind was somewhere very far away. He seemed incredibly shifty in the dead of night, almost skittish in his mannerisms.

Your thoughts began to wander too, floating off to foreign territory.

You had never imagined that you would be sitting awake at four in the morning, holding hands with the man who held you captive, attempting to bring him comfort after a nightmare. 

Just how much had your life changed during the weeks that you’d been here? When you thought back to your dream, which had reminded you so much of your time back at your apartment, you found yourself painfully aware of just how much of a turn your life had taken. It hadn’t been that long since your arrival at Magenta, but you were already beginning to take notice of the changes brought on by your time here. You hadn’t realized until recently how different you had become. None of the rules of the outside world applied to Mint Eye. Everything that you had built up to protect yourself had ultimately failed you and was being discarded.

None of this was like you. You were almost afraid that you would have a hard time trying to return to the person you used to be.

Could you be that person again? Did you even want to be?

_ I don’t know. _

“You won’t leave, right?”

Ray’s question brought you back out of your thoughts. He held your gaze tightly, gripping your hands like lifelines. “I’ll do anything to make sure that you’re happy here,” he continued. “You trusted me. You came here for me. So you won’t disappear, will you?”

Mint eyes bored into your own, holding you in place with unwavering desperation. You briefly wondered if he was able to read your thoughts somehow. They ran rampant in your head, so extreme that you wouldn’t have been surprised if he could see them through your eyes.

Still, you shook your head. “No,” you tried to sound as genuine as possible. “I won’t disappear.”

Ray’s grip on your hands tightened so much that it was beginning to border the threshold of being painful. His shoulders were beginning to tremble once more, eyes watering with fresh tears. “I’ve been happier than ever since the day that you came here. Even if I truly don’t deserve to eat or sleep, I can suffer like that if it’s for you. So you have to stay.”

You shook your head, leaning in a little bit like it would make your words more effective. “You don’t  _ have _ to suffer like that,” you insisted. “Not for my sake. It’d make me feel better to see you caring for yourself, Ray. You shouldn’t have to suffer to make somebody else happy.”

Ray blinked, and a few tears fell from his eyes, rolling down pale cheeks and leaving trails of moisture in their wakes. “But I will,” he said. “For you, I will. So just stay by my side. Please. I’ll make you happy. I’ll protect you.”

You were starting to realize that this wasn’t a mindset that you were going to be able to talk him out of so easily. It seemed engrained into Ray that he was destined to live a life of anguish, like that was the only way he could bring happiness to the people that he cared about. You weren’t quite sure why, but something in you didn’t like seeing him like that. You were witnessing him being exploited, and it was so obvious to you, but you would never be able to convince Ray to share your viewpoint. He was completely blind to the manipulation that was surrounding him.

Would he ever be able to see it?

You couldn’t help wondering if there was anything that you could do. You were in a position where Ray clearly thought very highly of you; so much so that he would willingly put himself in harm’s way for your own happiness as long as you remained nearby. He had broken several of the Savior’s rules for your sake already. You had a foot in the door, and the Savior knew that herself. She had already threatened you to behave, like she knew that there was a possibility you could undermine her influence over Ray.

Could you really pull something like that off, though? Or would it just make things harder and squash whatever small chance you had at getting out of Mint Eye?

It wasn’t your place to want to make him feel better. You knew that. The voice of rationale in the back of your mind spoke unrelentingly, reminding you that you were a captive. You had been dragged into Mint Eye against your will and held hostage. You had been drugged and threatened multiple times. There was so much that was wrong with this place. It was a conglomerate of shadows with nothing but ill-intent, much too large for you to defeat on your own. You felt that you wouldn’t be able to just talk the darkness out of Ray’s mind, as it had clearly been festering for a very long time.

But when you sat in front of him like this, holding Ray’s hands as he fell apart in front of you again, another voice, smaller but still impactful, was telling you that he must have been a victim just as much as you were. His perceptions of himself were very clearly skewed; Ray saw himself as someone who could only bring happiness toward those he cared about by sacrificing his own well-being. He believed himself to be useful only through hurting himself. You knew that the anguish inside of him had clouded his mind deeply, but it was still becoming more and more difficult to see him as an inherently bad person.

Putting yourself in this position would likely only end up harming you and Ray both, you knew that. You would be getting your hopes up, and that was very dangerous to do in a place so full of anguish and exploitation. But Ray was looking at you as if he depended on you, and what you thought had been empathy as a result of basic human decency was growing into something deeper. It was becoming something more personal, and much harder to ignore.

The idea of Ray as a small child, suffering the abuse he had hinted at while describing his dream, wrenched your heart in your chest. It also filled you with a red-hot fury, both because of the suffering he had endured and because his ‘Savior’ continued to exploit his pain, stabbing him where he had already bled, and conditioning him to believe that she was doing him a favor. 

Still, you reminded yourself that lying to Ray with the intent of betraying his trust made you no better than the Savior. At first, you had been lying out of pure necessity, because it had been the only way to gain yourself enough freedom to work on an escape plan. Now, though, you found yourself wondering- if you played your cards right, would there be any way for you to convince Ray that the world outside of Mint Eye was just as beautiful as, if not much kinder than the false paradise he had been conditioned to believe in?

You doubted it. You doubted it so much that it hurt. Even you didn’t believe that the world was an inherently beautiful place. But it was so much better than what Mint Eye had to offer. If you could convince Ray of that, then maybe he would have a chance at something better.

You had never been much of an optimist. You didn’t know where this voice inside of you had come from. It was foreign and new, unfamiliar territory for someone so naturally pessimistic. You had no idea how to utilize it. It was quiet, emerging from the back of your mind like the tiniest ripple in a still pond. But it was enough that you knew you wouldn’t be able to ignore it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this one wasn't too weird of a read. I put in the tags of this story that there would be references to depression and mental illness, as I feel like it plays an important part in the story. That being said, I know mental illness is extremely subjective and varies greatly from person to person. I have a long history of mental health problems and have experienced abuse-related trauma, so this chapter is definitely influenced by my perception of those experiences. I really hope I was able to articulate myself well enough while writing this chapter because, again, I feel these elements are important. They play a huge role in the reader's choices and why they were such a vulnerable target to begin with. 
> 
> Despite all of that, I hope that this was enjoyable to read! I really wanted to go deeper into some of the character development by analyzing their emotions and thought-processes, and to do so I needed more than a small segment of a chapter. So that's why there's eight thousand words dedicated to just this. 
> 
> I feel like this note is very haphazard. I'm incredibly sleep-deprived at the moment. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left Kudos and comments on the last chapter! There's nothing that makes my day more than hearing from my readers. You guys are all so amazingly insightful, and you all motivate me to continue writing with every word you leave below. So, if anyone ever has any thoughts, please don't hesitate to leave them down below! Even if it's only a word or two, I will be giddy and energized for the rest of the day. 
> 
> I also really appreciated everyone's well-wishes in response to the note in the last chapter. <3 It warmed my heart that everyone was so caring and understanding. Thank you so much to everyone who was looking out for me. I hope you all also extend those sentiments to yourselves, especially during these times.
> 
> I hope everyone is well! Please take care of yourselves and stay healthy. Thanks so much for reading this chapter, and I hope you anticipate the next update as well. :)


	10. Cosmos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you keep asking questions, receive disturbing news, and doubt yourself beneath the moonlight

You were in Miyeon’s room rather early the next morning. The sky outside was bright with the morning sun, which had been climbing the eastern horizon, but it wasn’t quite enough to make you feel fully awake.

You hadn’t gone back to sleep after your conversation with Ray in the early hours of the morning. By the time you had settled into silence with him once more, his computers indicated that it was past four AM. There was no point in going back to sleep, you figured. You couldn’t risk sleeping through the entirety of the rest of the day; there was too much to do. Besides, if Ray could function off of very little sleep, you should be fine too, right?

Apparently that was a skill he had honed over time. You were already starting to regret your decision. Your stomach felt queasy, swirling in and around itself as you sat at Miyeon’s table, and your eyelids felt heavier than you’d expected them to. The little food that you’d eaten earlier wasn’t sitting as nicely as it usually did, forming itself into a rock that settled in the pit of your gut. 

Still, it was easy enough to distract yourself from your body’s complaints. You had plenty to think about, and trying to keep it all straight was a challenge that required considerable concentration. After your conversation with Ray, your mind had been ablaze with thoughts that were demanding your attention.

The talk itself had been nicer than you’d expected. Despite the fact that the nature of the conversation was anything but happy, you felt that you had both opened up to each other a little bit. That was something that you hadn’t ever expected to happen. If anything, you had actively fought against showing Ray too much of yourself, whether it be through your actions or words. It was another form of silent rebellion; a way to reclaim your identity after having your freedom ripped away from you. You were resisting in an obscure way which made you feel like, at the very least, you were still fighting. Your ability to lie and resist was proof that Mint Eye and the Savior hadn’t won just yet. 

But, earlier in the morning, you had abandoned that quiet rebellion for a short while. You’d allowed yourself to open up to Ray and, in return, he opened up to you. You might never be able to understand why you allowed yourself to let your guards down, but you did know that it was hard to continue telling yourself that this was an act of selfishness. You hadn’t had much to gain from comforting Ray last night, but you had chosen to lend him an ear anyways. 

It hadn’t felt particularly bad- and that was what scared you. 

Now though, sitting in front of Miyeon, you felt like you were getting a bit of a reality check. You were starting to realize the extent of how problematic it was for you to humanize Ray so much. You couldn’t risk losing sight of what was important; getting out of here and helping Miyeon to do the same. That would have to take priority, no matter what. You couldn’t jeopardize the small chance you had at escaping. Miyeon was depending on your competence and ability to construct a way out. You were responsible for her from the start; it was your fault that she was here. You couldn’t be the reason that she was denied escape as well. You were walking a very fine line and starting to teeter toward the wrong side. 

You would need to re-evaluate your priorities. You knew that.

But that was easier said than done. You always wavered when Ray showed you his suffering. You had empathized from the beginning, and that was starting to pose a problem. Sure, you wanted to help Ray. He was a victim in his own way, and you didn’t want to abandon him here. 

_ Damn _ , you thought. Why did you need to feel responsible for everyone?

“You don’t look like you’ve slept at all,” Miyeon remarked from her seat across the round table. Her brown hair was pulled back from her face, tied back in a messy ponytail. “Did something happen?”

You blinked, eyes slightly watery from repeated yawning, but shook your head. “No, not really. I just had a lot on my mind, so I was up all night.”

Miyeon sent you a small smile, rosy lips curling upward. She carried with herself with such an effortless sincerity that being in her presence put you at ease. “Yeah, me too,” she said. “I’m a good listener if you need someone.”

You met her gaze. Her eyes, pools of brilliant amber framed by long, dark lashes, were as genuine as the sentiments she conveyed you. She was incredibly pretty, you thought absentmindedly, and gently charismatic. You almost felt out of place in her presence. 

Miyeon’s easygoing demeanor ultimately allowed you to relax. Some of the tension in your shoulders dissipated, giving your muscles some much-needed relief. You felt stiff and tired, but for once your mind wasn’t spinning itself in nauseating circles. You returned her smile, touched at her words. “Thanks,” you said. “I appreciate it. But we should probably get down to business. There’s actually something I want to ask you.”

Miyeon, who had been reclining in her own chair, sat up a little straighter. “Alright, shoot.”

“What can you tell me about V and 707?” You asked, lowering your voice considerably. “I saw something a while ago while I was snooping through Ray’s stuff. He  _ really  _ doesn’t like them, and I want to see if I can figure out why.”

Miyeon hummed, pursing her lips a little bit in thought. “Well, they’re probably the two most secretive characters,” she told you. “V is a photographer and the leader of RFA. He was engaged to its founder, Rika. There are a lot of unanswered questions about her death and one of the other characters suspects him quite a bit.”

She continued on. “Seven is a hacker of some sort. He’s in charge of the RFA’s security, and in the game, he’s the one who created the messenger. I don’t really know a lot about him, though. I think Seven and V have known each other for a while. But it would make sense that Ray doesn’t like them. He mentioned briefly to me once that I shouldn’t trust them because they both have a lot of secrets.”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you mulled over the newly acquired information, trying to categorize it with what you already knew. 

What you wouldn’t give for a private notebook. It would have been a lot easier to keep everything straight in your head if you didn’t have constantly to worry about forgetting things. 

You tried to give yourself a quick rundown to reiterate all of the information you’d gathered. 

Part of the tester’s duty was to find out the characters’ secrets. From the sounds of it, both V and 707, or Seven, were likely candidates for RFA’s most mysterious members. When you coupled that with Ray’s obvious disdain for the two characters, you could only come to the conclusion that they must have been hiding something of significance. 

Still, it wasn’t enough for you to be able to put together anything new. All this did was back up your speculations and tell you where you needed to look. You wouldn’t be able to find out their secrets by sitting here and guessing; you just didn’t have enough information. But with the knowledge that this app was important for the Savior’s revenge, you knew that this was a path you couldn’t leave unexplored.

It was a start, if nothing else.

“Alright,” you sat up a little bit straighter. “That helps. There’s a reason that all of this is important. Let me explain.”

And, finally, you told Miyeon more of your part of the story. You gave a short summary of your time at Mint Eye, highlighting the important parts. You told her briefly about the drug you’d been given and the lifeless, but devoted believers. You told her, in a bit more detail, about your conversation with the Savior a few weeks prior, when she’d threatened you to comply and keep Ray in check. You described how you’d been trying to build rapport and trust with Ray to allow yourself more freedom so you could escape. You told her everything that you’d found when you snooped through Ray’s workroom and that earlier this morning, he’d mentioned that the Savior was looking for revenge.

However, you refrained from touching on your difficulty with keeping your relationship with Ray superficial. It wasn’t important, and you could solve that problem without causing Miyeon unnecessary stress. 

It was a lot of information, but Miyeon took it in stride. She listened to you earnestly, eyebrows drawn together slightly in concentration, and didn’t interrupt as you finally let the details of your stay at Magenta fly from your lips.

It was incredibly cathartic for you to let everything out, especially when the person listening received it so well. It was like a weight was being lifted off of your shoulders. Suddenly, you could breathe just a little bit easier, and you felt like some of your mind was being freed up again after being forced to keep everything to yourself for these past weeks.

You felt just a little bit less burdened. 

“So,” you finally started to wrap up your monologue, remaining as quiet as possible, “there’s a lot of holes in the story. At first, I really only wanted to gain enough freedom to escape, but once they brought you into this, I realized that this is a lot bigger than just me. You’re in the middle of whatever revenge the Savior is trying to exact, and I’m worried because she already comes off as really vindictive. I’m afraid that this’ll only put you in more danger.”

You exhaled sharply, trying to splice together some of the words that were floating around in your head. There were so many thoughts, so many things to say that you had a hard time keeping track of everything. Articulating all of this was a nightmare after keeping silent for so long.

“The bottom line is that I think that if we work together, we might be able to find a way out of here. Normally I would say that we should focus on getting them to trust us enough so that we could just slip out, but I think it’s a little more complicated than that. Since you’re involved with the app, they’re going to have a close eye on you all the time. Even on my end, Ray won’t let me out of his sight except to talk with you. I don’t think that making a break for it is an option.”

Miyeon glanced at the door, as if making reference to the guards standing outside. “Yeah. So in this case, it might be more beneficial to play through the game, find out whatever secrets the characters are keeping, and use that to our advantage instead.”

You nodded. “Yeah, essentially. I know that it’s not much of a plan, but we don’t really have any other angle to go from right now. Even if Ray eventually lets me walk around alone, which I don’t see happening, there’s no way I could take you anywhere without us being followed. It just won’t happen.”

Miyeon leaned onto the table a little bit. She looked like she was thinking hard, frowning ever so slightly. “Man,” she eventually sighed. “This really couldn’t have just been an app-developing facility, huh?”

Her words were sardonic, but somehow comforting in their own way. You found yourself impressed, once again, at the grace with which Miyeon received this bombshell of information. She seemed able to keep herself poised no matter the situation. You had initially seen her as someone cheerful, but extremely naive, but your opinion about her was slowly changing. The only thing that stayed true about your initial impression of Miyeon was that she was very different from you in a multitude of ways.

Your first days here had been filled with panic and dread. You remembered clearly how you had felt frozen, unable to move, overwhelmed at the gravity of the situation you had gotten yourself into. Your self-blame and regret were so strong that they rendered you useless. There were several instances when you’d allowed your feelings to get the best of you, like when you’d returned from your talk with the Savior and were unable to hide your anxiety in front of Ray. You were constantly making mistakes and letting your emotions slip through the cracks. 

Miyeon wasn’t like that. As far as you could tell, she seemed adept at keeping her cool, even in a situation like this. You had been shocked that she was so willing to believe what you were telling her. Even you know that your story sounded far-fetched and dramatic, like the plotline of a poorly-produced, low-budget action film.

But Miyeon had listened to you earnestly, heard you out completely, and decided to believe what you were telling her. It was almost overwhelming how grateful you felt. The relief that followed her acceptance of your story was enough to move you.

You knew that you were responsible for Miyeon being brought to Magenta. But with her believing you, you were being given an opportunity to right that wrong, even if it was just a little bit. This situation had always been much too large for you to take on alone. You were too cornered, too closely watched, and Ray would never give you the information necessary to put together what was truly going on in Mint Eye. But Miyeon had access to different information through her status as the tester, just like you had access to other details about Mint Eye that she wouldn’t have known about otherwise. You had two angles to work from, and that made a significant difference. 

The two of you together were still a small duo, especially when compared to the size of Mint Eye and the influence of the Savior. But you felt that, when banded together, you at least had a chance that you wouldn’t have had if you were here alone. You hadn’t wanted to imagine spending week after week sitting in the same desk chair in Ray’s frigid workroom, afraid and forced to keep your emotions silenced so as to not cause problems. The prospect of living under the Savior’s threats, surrounded by zombie-like cultists was terrifying to you. You couldn’t let that constitute the rest of your life. You would have grown desperate and stupid. Something bad would have happened eventually. 

Now, you had a chance to stop that from ever becoming a reality.

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, but it wouldn’t budge.

“You have no idea how grateful I am that you were willing to hear me out,” you gave Miyeon a small smile. “The idea of being stuck here forever is… terrifying. And I could never escape alone. I know that I’m the reason that you’re here, but I’m so glad you’re willing to work together anyways.”

“I don’t really think it’s fair for you to say that this is your fault,” Miyeon countered. “I know that I don’t really know you well, but I don’t think anyone really wants this. For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you. You’re the one trying to help me.”

You shook your head. Part of you was unwilling to let yourself off the hook so easily. The fact remained that if you had accepted Ray’s proposal initially, Miyeon wouldn’t be in this position. How was it not your fault? “No, I really should have known better. I’m so sorry that I got you dragged into this.”

“I’m not sure if I can convince you that I don’t blame you,” Miyeon chuckled lightly, “so I’ll just say that you’re forgiven, even though I still don’t think there’s anything to forgive. Let’s just focus on working together, okay?”

Her words were comforting as much as they were conflicting to you. It eased your mind somewhat to hear Miyeon say that she didn’t blame you, but it also caused something to twist in your chest for reasons that you couldn’t quite discern. She was incredibly forgiving when you didn’t deserve her forgiveness. Ultimately, Miyeon was in danger because of you. 

You hadn’t earned any sort of forgiveness. Helping her out was hardly righting the wrong that you’d done. But Miyeon was stubborn and you got the feeling that it wouldn’t be easy to change her mind. 

Unsure about what to say next, you just opted to change the subject.

“So, you really believe me?” Your question was an awkward and abrupt transition. “I was expecting to have to try and convince you some more.”

At that, Miyeon’s smile faltered a little. Her eyes darted over to her phone quickly, but it was enough to clue you in to the fact that there was something on her mind. She looked back up to meet your gaze.

“To be honest, I wasn’t really sure at first,” Miyeon said. “I like to see the best in people, and nobody’s been cruel to me in any way since I came. Besides the fact that they won’t let me leave this floor, they haven’t placed many restrictions on me. But when I got to thinking about how Ray told me this location was confidential and that I really don’t know where I am, I realized that maybe things were more suspicious than I wanted to admit.”

She sighed before continuing on. “Even then I still didn’t want to believe you, though. It didn’t really hit me until late last night.”

Miyeon looked back at her phone, smile having completely vanished at that point. She seemed to space out suddenly, as she was having a very hard time trying to articulate whatever was on her mind. She opened her mouth but hesitated and remained quiet.

Instantly concerned, you furrowed your eyebrows. “Wait, what happened?”

Miyeon was quiet for a few seconds longer, still gazing at her phone. “Well… Ray opened up a chatroom last night and we talked for a little while. I wouldn’t have thought so much about it if you hadn’t come to speak with me last night, but he briefly mentioned the possibility of me staying here.”

A cold sweat began to wash over you. Your mouth went dry, heart beginning to stammer in your chest.

You knew it. You knew they wouldn’t let her go so easily.

But even so, this was frightening. It confirmed your suspicions about Mint Eye’s plan for Miyeon, and in doing so complicated the situation even more. A small part of you had been hoping that Miyeon would have been able to just walk out of Magenta once this was over, even though you knew that that was a fool’s hope. 

You just hadn’t expected this to start so soon. You would have thought that there would be more time. Miyeon had only been here for three days.

“Really…?” When you finally spoke, your voice was considerably weaker than before.

Miyeon nodded, looking back up at you. “Yeah. It was just in passing, but he mentioned that this place could make me really happy, like a paradise. It’s not like what he said sounded inherently threatening or suspicious, but given what you told me… I don’t know, it was creepy somehow. And the comparison to paradise did sound kind of cultish.”

You inhaled, held your breath for a few seconds, and exhaled once more, sighing deeply. It had been an attempt to settle some of your nerves that failed deeply. Your gut was still ablaze with anxious butterflies. Even though you knew that Mint Eye wouldn’t let Miyeon leave their clutches, especially considering how deeply involved she was in the Savior’s plans for revenge, you still felt slightly defeated. It was like every time you took a step forward, Mint Eye forced you to take another step back. 

“What did you say?” You asked her next.

“To be honest,” Miyeon looked a little sheepish, smiling lightly as if to lighten the suddenly heavy atmosphere, “I was kind of caught off guard. I just told him that I’d think about it, if only to keep him from getting suspicious. He seemed fine with it. I can probably hold off on giving him any definitive answers for now. I’ll tell you if he starts to get too pushy.”

That was good, you thought. If Miyeon instantly refused, then they would definitely tighten security on her. It would be difficult for her to do anything without eyes on her, and you doubted that you would be able to converse in secret the way you were now. Not only that, but they would eventually force her into joining anyways, and the process would turn out significantly more painful. On the other hand, if Miyeon immediately accepted the proposal, there was no telling when they might try to make her take the elixir. For all you knew, she could end up in a position that would make escaping even more difficult than it was now. As cornered as you felt currently, you couldn’t risk the situation getting worse. Your chance at getting out of Magenta was already dangerously slim. If it got any smaller, your opening might close.

It was better to stall.

“That’s a good idea,” you felt some of your nerves beginning to settle back down. Despite how difficult it was for you to keep your wits about you, you knew that there was no point in obsessing over something that you couldn’t prevent. There were more important things for you to focus your attention on. It was best to find a way out before Miyeon would have to worry too much about the elixir.

“Well,” Miyeon began speaking again, “I was thinking a lot about everything last night. I have to admit that part of me still hopes that this is some sort of big misunderstanding, but there’s not a whole lot to support that feeling.”

She smiled at you and extended her hand across the table. “So, let’s work well together, okay?”

Your nerves finally found some peace as your attention turned away from your anxieties. Miyeon’s eyes glittered as brilliantly as the rising sun, just as bright and equally as warm. 

She made positivity look so easy that even you felt more at ease.

You couldn’t help returning Miyeon’s smile with an earnest one of your own. You took hold of her hand and shook it.

“Good luck to us,” you responded. Though your attempt at humor was rather feeble, Miyeon still giggled lightly, pulling her hand back. She settled back into her chair, wisps of her fringe curling toward her cheeks.

“Yeah,” was her response, “I think we might need it.”

Things were continuing to change. Even with the addition of an ally, you knew that you were up against an incredible enemy. Mint Eye was large and domineering, and you were both stuck right in the heart of the situation. Miyeon was constantly watched, guarded and subjected to attempts of underhanded manipulation. You, on the other hand, were consistently confined to one room under the watch of someone with abandonment issues so bad he didn’t even want you to talk to fictional characters.

But you both had two different angles to work from. You could both gather different information and try to put everything together during your small meetings. That on its own increased your chances of making an escape. Not only that, but Miyeon’s cool-headed nature was a welcome change from your constant stressing and overthinking. It rubbed off on you enough to calm your heart when it started racing too fast for you to keep up. It was another blessing that helped to keep you from running yourself in circles and wasting time.

She was kind and understanding, and you were incredibly moved by the relative ease with which she believed you. Even though you still felt at fault for Miyeon being brought to Magenta, you were touched that she had forgiven you.

Though two people against an entire cult was still proportionally unfair, especially considering the other disadvantages you suffered from, it still made all of the difference to you.

For once, Magenta didn’t feel as lonely.

* * *

Once you were back in Ray’s workroom, you felt your exhaustion return to you with a vengeance. The consequences of forfeiting sleep the night before were hitting you strong, and it wasn’t even noon yet. You remained slouched in your usual chair, stifling your yawns as they periodically came.

If you had something to do, it might not have been so bad. At the very least, you would have been able to distract yourself. But there was nothing, and the very idea of programming made your head hurt. You could already envision the impossibly small text that you would have to squint to read, and you decided that suffering through your exhaustion was better than giving yourself a headache.

You wondered how Ray could do this every day. It hadn’t even been half of a day, and you were already anticipating a deep sleep.

Another yawn traveled up your throat without warning. Despite your attempts to smother it, you were caught off guard. You felt your jaw threatening to split in two when you finally yawned, bringing your hand up to cover your mouth. Your eyes watered, and a shiver traveled up your spine.

“Are you tired?”

You glanced over at Ray, who had turned to face you, head tilted ever so slightly.

You shook your head in response, despite knowing how obvious it was that you were lying. “No,” you said anyways. “Not really. Are you?”

Deflection had always been your strong suit. It never quite worked with Ray, though.

“No,” he gave you the same response, clearly lying just as much as you were. “If you need to, you should go rest. I don’t want you to get sick.”

Though the idea of curling up underneath the blankets was more than a little tempting, you pushed the urge away. There was too much to do, too much to think about. You didn’t want to risk inverting your sleep schedule. It would be considerably more difficult to coordinate with Miyeon if you were only awake while she was asleep. 

“I’m okay,” you forced yourself to sit up a little straighter, something your spine was immensely grateful for. Hopefully, the small talk and a change in position would chase away some of your fatigue.

Ray reached over to place his hand on your forehead, a familiar gesture. It seemed to be instinctual to him whenever he thought that you might be unwell, and he did so quite often. He was always worried, especially when your health was involved and every time, you remained still and let him check your temperature. When he reached over, you caught the scent of something flowery and sweet, a fragrance just as familiar to you as the hand on your forehead.

You found yourself reminded of the flowers in your room. Ray changed them out every few nights before they would start to wilt, and you had seen a wide array of blossoms, differing in size, color, petal shape, and fragrance. The flowers were a small but welcome addition to your bedroom. They were decorative and pretty, but also a reminder of your old life. The flowers made you think of the park you used to frequent and the bench you had slept on.

Ray retracted his hand and your thoughts drifted a little further away. Mint Eye must have had some sort of a garden if the flowers were able to be changed out so often. It must have been expansive to provide such a wide array. 

Your curiosity was peaked. Before you could think, you were speaking again.

“Ray, does this place have a garden?”

The man in question raised his eyebrows slightly, curious. “Why do you ask?”

You pointed over your shoulder at the bedroom door. “I’m guessing you’re the one who changes the flowers every few nights. I was just thinking that, considering how many different types I’ve seen, there has to be a garden.”

Ray’s lips curled upward into a small smile and he nodded. “Yes, there’s a garden outside,” he responded. “It’s one of my favorite places here. I like to look at the flowers; there’s a lot of different kinds. It’s really pretty.”

You could only imagine. You didn’t consider yourself a botanist by any means, but you appreciated the aesthetics of flowers. They had a way of brightening a room up, and you appreciated the small splash of color they offered your otherwise desolate bedroom. The addition of the plant life made your room feel a bit homier.

“Can I see it sometime?” You asked, hoping that if you went about it casually, Ray would be more likely to respond favorably.

He looked at you for a second as if thinking deeply, but didn’t immediately say anything. You waited for a few seconds, trying to exercise patience. The silence stretched out for a bit longer than you considered necessary, but when Ray’s cheeks began to take on a faint dusting of pink, your curiosity was peaked. What was he thinking of?

As if able to hear your thoughts, Ray suddenly met your eyes and cleared his throat a little bit. “Ah- Sorry.” he trailed off for a second and smiled tenderly. “Imagining you among the flowers makes my heart feel strange. The gardens were my favorite place to go before you came. I love all of the flowers. I used to go see them often because they’re a lot prettier than this room, but now I have you, so I don’t have to go as far to see something pretty.”

It was your turn to feel your face flush slightly and hoped that it wouldn’t be too visible in the light of the monitors. You tried to act like you weren’t feeling flustered, but when you couldn’t help shifting your weight in your chair, you were sure you weren’t being particularly cunning.

You weren’t sure if Ray was aware of the way that he spoke. Most times, when he complimented you, it was strange and usually uncomfortable. He had a tendency of articulating his thoughts in a rather unsettling matter. But every so often, he would compliment you in a way that felt more natural. It was those times that managed to actually faze you. You weren’t used to that sort of attention, even from Ray.

_ Snap out of it. _

“Oh, well, I’d love to see them,” you managed to say, trying to cover up your stiff response with a smile. “We should go together.”

Hopefully, proposing the excursion as a joint activity would increase the likelihood of Ray giving in. He had a slightly dopey smile on his face, small but indicative of a good mood. You felt a bit of hope.

He turned his smile to you, still pink across the apples of his cheeks. “I’ll see if I can find time to take you tonight.”

You had to stop yourself from doing a double-take. 

_ Really? _

That had been… simple. You weren’t expecting Ray to give in so easily. With as jealous and anxious as he was, you were more than ready to push a little bit more in hopes of winning yourself some time outside. But he had relented without making you plead your case. The rehearsed lines in your head were now useless.

You couldn’t imagine what had changed to bring on such a switch in demeanor. Was it just a fluke? Or had your late-night conversation with him really made that much of a difference?

When you stopped to think about it, though, it could have made sense. Ray didn’t seem to have many people, if any at all, who were actively by his side to support him through difficult times. If anything, you were arguably the person closest to him in proximity. Ray was almost a poster-child for someone with abandonment issues: clingy, jealous, and extremely emotional. After your brief insight into Ray’s past, you could understand why he might have developed so many insecurities, but you hadn’t imagined that he would lighten up so much just because you held his hands and listened to his worries.

But with how highly Ray regarded you and given how cold you had been to him, maybe you could understand, after all. You had only just recently started acting friendlier toward him, and that morning was the first time you had actively sought him out to offer your comfort. Perhaps he was delighted enough that his guards had been lowered.

This was a small victory, but you were rewarded with a huge boost in motivation. It finally felt like all of your efforts were beginning to pay off.

You smiled at him. “Great! I’ll look forward to it. Thank you.”

Ray gazed at you for a few seconds longer. His expression was affectionate and soft. Whatever was going through his head must have been putting him at ease. It was hard to imagine someone like you having such an effect on someone else, but you were beginning to stop trying to figure out what exactly Ray saw in you. Right now, you were just glad that it worked in your favor.

* * *

To your chagrin, the rest of the day passed just as slowly as the morning had. You had eventually resigned yourself to focusing on programming a little bit, though more to keep yourself busy than to genuinely practice. You had a decent grasp on the basics, but it was nothing impressive overall. You didn’t hate coding quite as much when you were able to understand what you were doing, but you knew that if you progressed in difficulty, you would just be asking for a headache. So you kept doing the same thing, over and over again, trying to cut down on your time without making more mistakes. It was a challenge, but it kept you awake.

Coding wasn’t high on your list of priorities, anyways. It didn’t really matter if you were particularly good at it.

The afternoon passed without much difficulty. As usual, Ray was hard at work, focused on his computer. If he wasn’t actively hacking, he spent his time monitoring Miyeon’s chat logs and activities on the app. He watched carefully, always reading through every word like he was searching for something.

With your recent discovery of the extent of the game’s importance, you found Ray’s dedication particularly interesting. You were incredibly curious, but you knew that asking wouldn’t get you anywhere. Ray didn’t want you to have any involvement with the app; he’d made that clear on your very first day as his assistant.

Still, he gave you hints without realizing it. His actions, no matter how small, were easy to read when inspired by anger, and there were a few logs throughout the day that made him particularly frustrated. At one point, while reading through one of the logs, Ray had let out a huff.

“ _ Redheaded hypocrite, _ ” he’d hissed, glaring with surprising intensity at the screen. “What a liar…”

It was like, for a moment, Ray had forgotten that you were there. Either that, or he was agitated enough that he didn’t care. Either way, he had no idea that he’d just handed you another clue on a silver platter.

_ Redhead… _ There was a redheaded character, right? That sounded right.

At this point, you were completely unable to recall the photo of the characters that Ray had sent you over the chatroom when you first connected. The few days leading up to your drugging were little more than a blur, hazy and washed out of your memory as a result of the mental abuse your mind suffered. You couldn’t rely on the faint image of the characters that your mind was trying to sell you.

That was another thing that you would have to ask Miyeon about. You made yourself a mental note to do so upon your next meeting. Whoever the redheaded person was, Ray felt particularly strong about his hatred for them. That meant that they were important/

The afternoon eventually rolled into evening, the minutes passing you by so slowly that they could have been mocking you. You could imagine the path that the sun was taking across the sky, shining brilliantly during the early afternoon before leisurely approaching the western horizon. You pictured the slow appearance of orange and pink in the corner of the sky, slowly growing brighter before morphing together into swirls of brilliant color as the eastern horizon grew into a darker blue. The night sky would stretch out farther and farther, chasing the warm sunset colors behind the horizon, where they would make their trek around the globe before bathing Magenta in light the next morning.

You used to watch the sunset often enough that imagining it wasn’t particularly difficult for you. You couldn’t deny the giddy excitement that you felt at the prospect of feeling fresh air across your skin again. You had been inside for weeks, stuck in the same room without any windows to open. You missed the feeling of the breeze on your cheeks and the way the wind tousled your hair. 

To say you were looking forward to going outside was an understatement. You couldn’t wait for Ray to finish whatever he was doing so you could get going.

So you practically leaped out of your chair when Ray announced that it was time to go.

He stood up as well, shooting a smile in your direction. “Are you excited?” He asked, grabbing his keycard from the desk.

You didn’t know you were being  _ that  _ obvious, but you figured it was okay not to lie about this. “Yeah. I’ve been curious for a little while.”

Ray swiped his keycard through the card reader. There was a click as the door unlocked and he pulled it open before grabbing your hand and leading you into the hallway.

“The gardens are my favorite place in Magenta,” Ray told you as you began the trek down the hallway. “Since it’s night, there won’t be many people out.”

You headed in the opposite direction than usual. You hadn’t gone this way before, you noted. Ray was correct; the halls were almost completely empty. Besides a straggler or two, most of the Believers seemed to have retired for the night. Though it was dark outside and the sun wasn’t shining through the windows, the glittering marble of the floor was still as bright as usual. Light fixtures on the walls lit up your journey though, so the shadows of Magenta were kept at bay for the time being.

As always, you wished that Magenta wasn’t so full of horrors. The building itself was beautiful and well-kept. When the halls were empty, the air felt lighter and easier to breathe. You might have actually enjoyed staying in a place like this if it weren’t for the hooded residents. 

This side of the building seemed to be a bit more communal than the side you were used to. You walked through a banquet hall with long, large tables covered by white table cloths. There were vases with pink flowers in the middle of each table, tastefully decorated to brighten up the place effortlessly. It was an elegant cafeteria, you thought.

But when you briefly imagined this place full of robed Believers, saying little to each other as they moved around the cafeteria like ghosts, you almost shivered. That was an image you could do without.

You rounded a corner, holding onto Ray’s hand the entire time. You passed a set of double-doors. They were a rich, dark wood with intricate golden trimming weaving around the edges in thin swirls. The doors were shut, but two Believers were standing on either side of them, similar to the guards by Miyeon’s room. 

_ Huh, _ you thought. That place must have been important if it warranted guarding.

“That place is the chapel,” Ray’s voice caught your attention and you glanced back at the doors once more before looking up at him, briefly wondering if he could read your mind. “Savior holds sermons here. The ceiling’s made entirely of glass and you can see the sky from it. It’s a good place to go if you need a break, especially if the clouds are nice that day.”

You felt like you were being given a tour after having already been here for almost a month. You were grateful, even if the voyage felt significantly delayed.

“Do you go there if you need a break?” You asked, if only to keep the conversation going.

Ray thought for a few seconds. “I used to,” he eventually responded, cheeks flushing slightly, “before you came. Now I have you instead.”

How sweet.

The walk didn’t last much longer. The second that you were let outside, the cool night air washed over you, blanketing you gently. It felt like a weight was lifted off of your chest; you hadn’t known that it could feel so good just to go outside. This was such a difference from the usual, cramped workroom that you spent twenty-three hours inside of every day. Ray’s room felt so closed off and confined, whereas the outside world was anything but. The air smelled sweet and floral, and looking around you it was easy to see why.

The entrance of the garden was marked by a tall archway. Stems of leaves and flowers wrapped around the metal intricately like something out of a fairy tale. The garden’s perimeter was established with the use of tall, rectangular bushes that reached up toward the sky with deep green leaves. Even from the entrance of the garden, you could see flowers of all colors and kinds, carefully kept and trimmed to perfection. Only the most colorful blossoms were kept; none were bruised or wilted. Even the leaves were a rich, brilliant green, impressive in their own right.

Whoever was assigned to care for the garden had created a masterpiece. You felt like you were in another world. The sweet scents swirled around you lazily, filling your head with a thin fog.

“Do you like it?” Ray’s question grabbed your attention.

You looked up at him with a nod. “Yeah, I do. It’s really pretty out here.”

Ray, still holding your hand, began to lead you down one of the paths at a leisurely pace. You looked from flower to flower, taking in the bright splashes of colors amongst deep green leaves. You had been used to seeing either the darkness of Ray’s workroom or the bright white of Magenta’s halls. Seeing so many different colors in one place, coupled with the fresh air that you’d missed so much and the floral fragrance that followed you around; it would have been overwhelming if you didn’t feel so relaxed. 

It was a first for you. There was a lot to look at, but you didn’t mind.

“Which ones do you like?” Ray asked you suddenly. “I’ve been studying flower language for a while- if you pick one out, I’ll tell you what it means.

Somehow, you thought it suited Ray to like flowers. 

You looked around, letting your eyes wander from blossom to blossom, until you finally settled your eyes on one. There were a few patches of flowers with deep violet petals and yellow centers. They were small and didn’t stick out much next to some of the other flowers, but caught your interest nonetheless.

“What about those?” You asked, pointing with your free hand.

It took Ray mere seconds to identify the purple blossoms.

“Those are cosmos,” Ray led you over to the flowers in question. “Their meaning is harmony or calmness. Sometimes, they can mean love or innocence, too.”

You let your fingers run over some of the petals. They were soft under your fingertips, and small in comparison.

You liked them.

Ray let go of your hand for a second, suddenly focused on the flowers, too. He took hold of one of the stems and tugged gently, breaking the thin stem with a small snap. 

“I don’t normally like to pick flowers,” he said, gazing at the flower in question. “I feel kind of sorry. But, I’ve always wanted to give flowers as a gift.”

“What about the ones you put in my room?” You asked.

Ray’s cheeks went slightly red at the question, like he was suddenly bashful. He smiled down at you, the white in his hair illuminated by the moonlight above. He was almost glowing under the silver light from the sky. “That’s different. I want to be able to give them to you directly.”

He stepped forward, suddenly entering your personal bubble. You didn’t move away, as usual, and remained still as Ray gently brushed some of your hair behind your left ear. Just as tenderly, he brought the single flower up to your ear, tucking the stem behind your ear. You felt the petals brush against your face slightly, the petals malleable and soft against your cheekbone.

Ray’s cheeks were a deep pink as he concentrated, focusing on the position of the flower. He moved it back and forth a bit and twirled the flower around, as if he wanted it in a very specific spot. He had leaned in considerably closer during the process and you could feel his breath against your face as he exhaled every so often. You felt warm, even amongst the slight chill of the cool, night air. Ray’s gloved fingers brushed against your skin from time to time, gentle as he concentrated on his project. You could feel the warmth that radiated from him, bringing with it the same floral scent that you had come to associate with him. You could feel the blush of your face, and remaining still became more of a challenge as seconds passed you by.

Eventually, Ray pulled back away, satisfied, and examined you with a tender smile. “There,” he sounded rather proud of himself. “Your eyes are pretty. I thought the flower would suit them well.”

You resisted the urge to lift your hand and feel the flower, not wanting to chance Ray getting that close again to fix your mistakes. Instead, you returned his smile with a small one of your own, cheeks still slightly warm. “Thank you.”

It was quiet for a few seconds. Ray seemed preoccupied with whatever thoughts were running through his head, mint eyes still trained on your face. Though you thought you should be used to his staring by now, you still felt slightly awkward. You had never considered yourself the type of person to wear flowers in their hair. The petals tickled your face slightly and the stem felt awkward behind your ear, but Ray seemed so happy with his work that you let it slide.

It was strange that you felt slightly content, you thought. This was the first place you had been to that brought you any sort of ease since coming to Magenta. 

That thought brought back your earlier conversation with Miyeon, and some of the magic in the air began to fade away again. 

Ray had mentioned her joining Mint Eye. That thought made you feel suddenly uneasy. The warmth in your cheeks faded, replaced by the caress of the cool night air. You had told Miyeon at some point that you would try to get more information out of Ray if you could. He was in a good mood tonight, all smiles and flushed cheeks among the flowers in this garden. This was as good of a time as any. 

You didn’t want to ruin the moment, though. He looked so content, standing in front of you with a soft smile. The tip of his nose and ears was pink from the slight chill building as the night progressed. You weren’t quite sure why, but you liked seeing Ray like this much more than you liked seeing him stressed out and upset as he had been lately.

You hated to use his current vulnerabilities to your advantage, but you needed answers.

You cursed inwardly. You knew you would feel bad about this later, but it had to happen. You had promised yourself that you would remember your priorities.

“Hey,” you began, voice slightly awkward as it reached your ears. “I was wondering- What’s going to happen to Miyeon after the test is complete?”

Ray, who had been lost in his own head, seemed to come back to Earth upon hearing your voice. His smile dissipated but he didn’t look upset, which you took as a good sign.

“Savior wants her to join Mint Eye,” he responded. “She’s similar to us. Even though she’s an outsider, she’s lived a similar life. Savior thinks that she would be really happy here.”

So, it had been the Savior’s idea.

“Oh. I can see that,” you tried to sound nonchalant, trying to find a way to continue your interrogation as naturally as possible. “But what if she doesn’t want to join?”

Ray pressed his lips together a little bit. “She’ll come around,” was his response, before his earlier smile returned. “Just like you did.”

The air seemed much colder suddenly. Reality slapped you in the face with harsh vindictiveness.

You had been so lost in the moment that you forgot your place-  _ again. _ And, like usual, it took a comment like that one to bring you back. Did Ray really think that you were here because you had decided you wanted to stay?   
  


You had never been given a choice. Sure, you’d agreed to go with him to the car. But you had never consented to being drugged  _ twice _ and confined in a small room with no windows.

You found yourself wondering if Ray genuinely thought that you were here out of your own will, or if he knew that you weren’t but just didn’t care. It was extremely hard for you to tell. His affection toward you was genuine, and usually seemed rather innocent. But in these moments, where he let things slip that reminded you of the true nature of your situation, you second-guessed yourself.

Ray was extremely smart and just as meticulous. He had proved that multiple times. The possibility that he was more aware of the true nature of your thoughts and actions caused a violent shiver to erupt over you, followed by goosebumps that raised the hair on your arms and neck.

You could never be sure about anything. You couldn’t keep letting your guard down around Ray. Innocent as he might seem, you knew that he was truly anything but. There was a fine line between pretending to play the part of a willing assistant and actually growing comfortable doing so.

This man was your captor, and you were allowing yourself to indulge in a school-girl fantasy where you only focused on the moments where he was kind and tender to you.

Still, though, you couldn’t hate Ray. You didn’t have it in you, and you didn’t know why. It was that realization that brought you the most distress, tearing you into two parts that were constantly battling it out with each other. You wanted to remain rational and realistic, but another part of you reminded you of Ray’s own victimization, and you just couldn’t find it in you to completely dislike him.

The garden suddenly didn’t seem as magical to you anymore. The bushes around the perimeter were now much more confining, and the flowers seemed little more than a paradox to the true nature of Mint Eye; a momentary distraction to make you think that this place wasn’t all bad. The warmth that you’d felt had disappeared, and you were now very cold. Even the flower behind your ear felt strange and out of place.

Ray, having picked up on your abrupt shivering, raised his eyebrows in alarm. “Ah- you look cold,” he remarked, quickly shimmying out of his blazer. He draped the article of clothing around your shoulders, encasing you in a warmth that wasn’t enough to chase away the chill that had already reached your bones. The usual floral scent that accompanied Ray invaded your senses once more as he adjusted the blazer around you. 

You didn’t say anything, even as Ray placed a hand on your back, turning you toward the entrance of the garden once more. You should have felt upset about going back inside so soon, but the garden didn’t feel anywhere near as freeing as it had earlier. The fresh air did little to calm the anxiety that had filled your blood.

No matter where you were in Magenta, you would feel constrained and stuck. You  _ were _ stuck here. You couldn’t keep on letting yourself grow so comfortable around Ray. You were only convoluting your already complicated predicament.

You had more important things to focus on. You had so much to worry about- escape plans, Miyeon’s safety, the Savior’s expectations of you. Your problems were neverending, and this was only adding to your arsenal of issues. You needed to get ahold of yourself.

The deal had been to play along, not to grow fond of Ray. You would repeat that in your head like a mantra if you needed to.

But a voice inside of you spoke, reminding you that you had gone too far already, and that turning back ceased to be an option a long time ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than I expected! I hope it was okay. I actually really had fun writing this one. These last few chapters are probably the closest I've gotten to writing fluff. It's strange because I really love reading fluff, but I gravitate towards angst whenever I write. I feel kind of awkward writing fluffy encounters between characters so I hope this is alright!
> 
> I don't really have a whole lot to say this time around! Fun fact: today marks 100 days since I've downloaded Mystic Messenger, according to the app. That, and in five days (so on July 28th) it'll be two years since I created this account. This is a lot of excitement in just a few days lol. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left Kudos and comments on the last chapter! I can't describe how happy and motivated I feel when I hear feedback from readers. It never fails to brighten my day. You guys always have such kind things to say, and it brings a lot of joy to me. I read over everyone's comments when I'm having a hard time actually, lol. So, if anyone has any thoughts, even if it's just a few short words, please feel free to leave them in a comment! I always always try to engage with everyone and convey my appreciation, because your comments really do make me feel so motivated and happy. <3
> 
> I hope everyone is well, especially here in the US. I'm wondering if I'll get an email from my University saying that on-campus classes are being moved online again. I only have one class on campus so it won't really affect me anyways, but school starts in a month and things are pretty bad where I live. So please take care and stay healthy always. That goes for everyone, no matter where you're at! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please anticipate the next one, as things are definitely going to keep picking up! :)


	11. If At First, You Don't Succeed...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you are clued in on secret happenings, find out something devastating, and notice things going awry around you.

Since coming to Magenta, you had grown used to the unpredictable.

Your previous life had been monotonous and repetitive; the same day lived over and over again with little difference. That had been your normal. You would wake up, get coffee, wander, sit at the park bench, and return to your apartment. Rinse, repeat, and do it all again with the rising of the sun on the eastern horizon. Your days had been mirror images of each other, nothing more than time that you spent in your own head, like you were viewing the world out of binoculars from a safe distance. You were living a comfortable life and had no intention of stepping out of what you knew.

You had been used to repetition. That was one of the hardest things for you to give up after being inducted into Mint Eye. Every time you came to a conclusion, it would change. When you thought you had figured something out, a new variable would enter the equation and you would be left to do the math all over again. Everything was fluid and nothing stayed the same for very long. Over time, you got used to constant change. Even when you were taken by surprise, you had learned to start adapting. Though you never grew comfortable, you had learned to accept that the only stable part of Magenta was its instability. The only thing that would never change was that everything constantly changed. 

Even so, when you woke up that morning, you had no idea that your day would go down the course that it did. You may have gotten used to change, to the unexpected, but not in this way. In just a few hours, everything would flip again, and you would be left with the feeling that things would never go back to being the same again. You had been arrogant in thinking that there was some certainty in your situation, and you were paying the price. The very foundation that you had built your knowledge off of would be proven false and you would have to start over once more.

You were used to the same general outline you had developed over the past few days. You would get up, meet with Miyeon, spend the remainder of the day with Ray, and eventually go to bed. All the while, you would try and pick up on clues and information that could prove useful in some way, storing the data away in your head. While you were able to make some headway in narrowing down what characters you needed to extract secrets from, the actual process of getting them to reveal said secrets was tedious and time-consuming. According to Miyeon, both V and Seven were extremely stubborn and held their secrets close. She said that getting access to their private information was proving to be a challenge quite difficult for a mobile game, and she was already trying as hard as she could. You had expected as much.

But Miyeon also said that she was starting to get the impression that this app may have been more important than you’d initially realized. That had been interesting to you because you already regarded the app as extremely significant; what could possibly up its relevance to Mint Eye?

That morning, when you sat in Miyeon’s room, she looked uncharacteristically concerned. The two of you were sitting on her bed, unlike usual. You had entered Miyeon’s room to find her eyebrows had been drawn together and she was fidgeting with her phone case, staring at it like she was waiting for it to give her some answers. To say that you were worried would have been an understatement. Even when you sat down, she hadn’t managed more than a lackluster greeting.

Something was off. Instantly, a foreboding feeling began to seep into your system.

“What’s wrong?” You wasted no time, unable to shake the dread that had settled in your stomach.

Miyeon finally met your gaze. Her golden eyes were perturbed as they locked onto your figure, unfocused. You remained sitting on the edge of her bed, waiting for her to compose herself enough to answer. It didn’t take her long.

“I’m not sure…” she trailed off for a second, like she was struggling to find the right words to express the worries in her head. Miyeon looked back down at her phone again for a second before meeting your eyes again and finding the courage to continue. “This might sound strange, but- were you in a garden last night? With Ray?”

Your heart skipped a beat. You suddenly felt very cold. The morning sunlight was blanketing your skin, but it did nothing to bring you any comfort. Miyeon didn’t look distrustful of you, but there was something else swimming in the amber depths of her eyes. She looked concerned.

“Wait- what?” You stammered for a second, your head already beginning to fill with anxiety. Miyeon wasn’t allowed off of this floor, so how did she know what you had been doing? Had someone seen you? Who had told her? Miyeon’s room was off-limits to everyone but a short list of authorized people.

It took a concentrated effort to keep yourself calm. You were already blowing things out of proportion, but it was hard not to when your situation was so fragile.

“I mean, yeah,” you finally gave her a straight answer, though you were clearly unsettled. “It was the first time I’ve been anywhere but here or the workroom since I came to Magenta. But how did you know? Did somebody tell you?”

Miyeon held up her phone, as if trying to make a silent point, before she expanded on the action with her words. “The app,” she told you. “V. He asked me if there was a garden at the place I’m staying at, and if there was another person who I knew. He told me that they mentioned me by name.”

Your mouth had gone dry, head buzzing with confusion. You tried to wrap your mind around her words. 

This wasn’t right. Somebody was lying to you.

Was Miyeon trying to imply that the RFA were real people?

Ray had been insistent that the RFA were fictional characters. As much as you always felt for him, and as strange as you had been feeling around him for the last few days, you knew that Ray had lied to you many times before. Even when he did tell you the truth, it was watered-down and sugar-coated. You had learned to take many of his words with a grain of salt.

If you had to choose between trusting Ray or trusting Miyeon, the choice would be an easy one to make. It wasn’t as if you felt betrayed at the possibility of Ray lying to you because you knew that he had been. You had expected it. You knew that a time would come when some of his lies were brought to light, but you hadn’t expected them to carry this much magnitude.

The only way that a fictional character could be self-aware was if they were, in fact, a real person. And if they were a real person, that meant that V, whoever he was, was at Magenta, and had seen you with Ray last night.

The anxiety in your stomach started to bubble to life, taking a form of its own inside your mind.

“What do you mean?” You finally asked, unable to hide the shock that had overtaken your system.

Miyeon seemed much more poised in comparison to you, though there was no doubt that a part of her was just as taken aback as you. She put her phone back down. “It was through a phone call, so I don’t think you need to worry about Ray seeing the chat logs,” she said first, though that was something that you hadn’t even started to worry about yet. “But I told him the truth. Over the last few days, he’s mentioned that I could be in danger more than once. I didn’t think much of it, but Ray was always telling me not to give away my location and that it could compromise the game. But if these characters, the RFA, are real people, that changes everything.”

You lifted a hand up to press against your temples, arm shaking as a result of your anxiety. 

It made sense the more you thought about it. Ray’s rage toward these people had been tangible and real- you’d seen as much through the documents you’d found and the curses he hissed under his breath. He had always been a rather emotional person, but this was more than just frustration towards fictional characters. It was genuine hatred.

Not only that, but it added up when you considered the Savior’s motive of revenge. She hardly seemed to be the type of person to complicate things unnecessarily by adding extra, time-consuming steps. Why settle for getting vengeance through fictional characters when she could get to the real people instead? 

V was one of those people; you’d figured that out already. But if he was at Magenta, then there were a lot more factors you had to consider. You didn’t know how long he had been here or what all he had seen. You didn’t know what part he played in this or why Ray seemed to hate him so much. Miyeon seemed to trust him to a certain degree, but you were still too busy trying to wrap your mind around everything to be able to do the same. You had no recollection of running into anyone else at the gardens the previous night.

But if he was at Magenta and warning Miyeon of danger, then he must have been an infiltrator of sorts. He wouldn’t have needed to keep his presence in Mint Eye a secret if he was welcome. V was most likely operating from the shadows, just like you and Miyeon were. He clearly knew that Miyeon, at the very least, was innocent.

If V was a real person and your speculations were true, then he may have been able to get you out. Even though he had seen you with Ray, you were sure that Miyeon would have told him that you weren’t here because you wanted to be. If they trusted each other, maybe Miyeon’s word would be enough to paint you in a better light. You were immensely curious as to what V knew. There seemed to be an entire subplot of events going on right under your nose. Something that you were involved in without your knowledge. If all of this was the case, then you desperately needed to speak to V, but there was no way that you could contact him. Especially not without Ray knowing.

That thought elicited another shiver. You could only imagine the colossal meltdown Ray would have if he found out you were trying to speak to V and form a possible alliance with him. To Ray, V was clearly an enemy, and you didn’t know Ray’s true intentions. Ray was already jealous enough when it came to you, and if V was a real person, you didn’t want to know how Ray would react upon learning that you were thinking of turning to his enemy to get you out of here.

Even more than that, you didn’t want to know how the Savior would respond. If she truly had it out for V and she knew what you were trying to do…

You weren’t sure if you could survive the consequences.

The sound of your name being called brought you out of your head. Miyeon’s eyes were locked onto yours, and she looked concerned. “Hey,” she tried again, “what’s in your head? Talk to me. You look like you’re going to puke.”

You felt like you were going to puke. A cold sweat had settled on your skin, making you feel clammy and nauseous. You could feel your hands trembling as you wrung your fingers together, trying to get rid of some of your nervous energy. It was a struggle to keep yourself composed as too many thoughts assaulted your already stressed mind. You weren’t sure why, but you were quickly becoming overwhelmed. You felt like Ray could walk in to hear you at any second, and he would find out what was going on. It was like eyes were trained on your back with guns pointed at you, safety off, ready to fire.

“What do we do?” You tried to keep your voice low, but even so, the quivering was obvious. “This complicates everything.”

Miyeon shook her head. “No, it doesn’t have to. V could help us. He knows a lot more about this place than we do. He could get us out of here and we wouldn’t have to focus so much on trying to sneak around. This is a good thing.”

Your thoughts were running wild. You had lost control of them. 

“Not if somebody finds out,” you insisted, nails digging into the skin of your hands as you continued fidgeting. “They’ll kill me. The Savior’s already threatened me, and Ray hates V so much that I’m not sure if whatever he feels for me would be enough to override his rage if he found out I was betraying him.”

Miyeon caught onto your distress rather easily. It must have been obvious through your fidgeting and the emotion leaking into your voice. You were an anxious, trembling mess. Miyeon adopted some of her usual relaxed demeanor once more, leaning in a little closer while being sure to leave you your own space. 

“We won’t let him find out, then,” she kept her voice calm, regaining some of her composure like it would help to cancel out your agitation. “But this gives us a better chance than trying to do it ourselves. Think about it, okay? We’re going to have to go a step further eventually anyway, but this way we’ll be working with someone who knows what they’re doing and who can remain unseen. That’s a huge advantage for us.”

Miyeon paused for a second. She seemed to be considering something, but you were too preoccupied by your own thoughts to be able to decipher whatever was swimming through her eyes. She remained quiet before eventually speaking again. “I’m not sure what kind of impression you have of him, but V’s trustworthy. If anyone would be able to help us get out of here, it’s him. You and I are being watched all hours of the day. There’s only so much we can do alone. Please, give this a chance. Give  _ him _ a chance.”

You tried to let Miyeon’s words settle in your head and calm your nerves, but it was hard. You were so used to walking on eggshells, used to having your safety under constant threat, that a move this risky and sudden was enough to send you into a panic. Even though you had been actively betraying Ray and scheming in the shadows, you had been moving rather slowly this far, doing things at your own pace. But now, you weren’t being given that option.

This wasn’t stepping out of your comfort zone. This was being shoved out of it without warning. 

But you didn’t have any choice. Here, at Magenta, you would never have a choice. Any sense of security you had gotten from doing things your own way was little more than an illusion and could have been taken away from you at any time. It wasn’t smart to let yourself get comfortable with what you thought you knew. And rationally, you knew that Miyeon was right.

This far, you had been moving slowly. But working with V would be the largest step you had taken since coming here, and it would change everything irreversibly. Knowing you were going to have to betray Ray and actually doing so were two very different things. You knew that something like this was going to have to happen eventually, but now that you were staring at the result of your deceptions in the face, you felt skittish and afraid.

If you held back, though, you would lose your chance at escape. You tried to remind yourself that this wasn’t supposed to be easy or comfortable. If it were, you would have been gone a long time ago.

You needed to remember your priorities and why you were doing this. 

You couldn’t understand yourself. You had been hurt, drugged, confined, and controlled for weeks. You weren’t supposed to react this way when being presented with such a chance. You weren’t supposed to hesitate or feel guilty; not when your captors didn’t feel any remorse for their actions. You were supposed to remember that your relationship with Ray was superficial- a means to an end, and nothing more.

You needed to get ahold of yourself.

You took a deep breath, trying to settle your anxiety, and exhaled, imagining yourself dispelling all of your worries. It didn’t really work, but the sentiment was comforting enough that you were able to quell your emotions for the time being. You knew that you would have to come back to deal with this but now wasn’t the time. There were more important things to focus on.

“Okay,” you eventually gave in, somehow managing to speak past the whirlwind inside of your head. “I’m sorry. I know you’re right. It’s just- I don’t know. I’ve been here for so long, I think I’m going insane.”

You knew you couldn’t tell her everything that was on your mind. You couldn’t burden Miyeon with the knowledge that you were walking such a fine line while trying to navigate your relationship with Ray. She had enough to worry about and the last thing you wanted to do was make things worse than they already were. But you were selfish, and through your words, you had allowed some fragments of your conflict to slip out. 

Your emotions were intense, almost too much for you to handle alone. Now that you had gotten some taste of camaraderie, it was a lot easier for you to lower your walls in front of Miyeon. You wanted comfort, even though you knew you didn’t deserve it. You had gotten yourself into this situation with Ray, and it would be up to you to handle it and get yourself out.

But the empathy that Miyeon exuded through her reaction only reinforced your selfish want for comfort. She smiled gently, resting her hand between you two on the comforter you were sitting on top of, like she was offering you reassurance without physically touching you. It was a gesture of respectful consolation, and you felt grateful, though undeserving of the consideration she was showing you.

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t expect anyone to keep it together all the time in a place like this. All the more reason to get out, right?” Miyeon’s sounded as gentle as she did cheerful. 

Her words, though few in number, carried with them considerable impact, like always. You felt slightly soothed by Miyeon’s compassion, though equally as guilty for always demanding it. You weren’t supposed to be the person asking for help right now. You were supposed to be the one helping  _ her, _ especially after bringing her here. But it was Miyeon’s words of comfort that grounded you enough to remember that.

So you gathered your will and shoved your emotions aside, trying to put them out of your mind for now. You could come back to them later, but you shouldn’t be subjecting Miyeon to your woes all the time. You felt guilty for making her comfort you when you had been the one to get yourself into this mess in the first place.

_ Get it together. _

“Yeah,” you eventually responded. Speaking past the lump in your throat was a challenge, and you found that your voice was thick even to you, but you tried to pay it no mind. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry. I’m alright now.”

You took another short breath, trying to ground yourself just a little more before attempting to restore the original conversation you’d been having. “Okay. How much were you able to talk about with him?”

Miyeon shook her head, apparently convinced enough by your act to help you get back on topic. “Nothing besides what I’ve already told you. We didn’t really have enough time. He seemed really rushed. Something else came up afterward anyway, and I’ve been more preoccupied with that.”

Your earlier bad feeling returned with a vengeance, despite only being gone for a few minutes at most. What could be a bigger deal than finding out that the RFA were most likely real people?

You had a feeling that Miyeon was about to drop another bombshell on you. You tried to brace yourself mentally for the impact as she continued, but your hands were already clenched into tight fists.

“I spoke with Ray earlier this morning in a chatroom,” Miyeon began, “and he said that soon, I’ll be able to make the contract to stay here. I tried to tell him I wasn’t ready yet, but he didn’t seem to care.”

It took everything you had not to let out a string of curses. Your head was already starting to ache, heart pounding so hard that you swore Miyeon could probably hear it. If you were worried about V being at Magenta, you now had another crisis to attend to, and this one was much more urgent. Ray was getting pushier and rushing Miyeon’s induction forward to an unknown date.

This was bad.  _ Really _ bad. You didn’t have the time or the means to prepare properly. You had only been working with Miyeon for a few days, and your joint activities were restricted to just gathering information, none of which was particularly helpful at the moment. You didn’t have access to anything remotely helpful.

“Oh, my God,” you muttered. “This isn’t good at all.”

You tried desperately to think. You couldn’t afford to waste any time. If Ray was planning on having Miyeon drink the elixir, you were sure he would ensure it happened sooner rather than later, and you needed to find a way to prevent that. Just talking to him wouldn’t be enough, because you knew that ultimately, it was the Savior who wanted Miyeon to join Mint Eye, and your influence wasn’t above hers, even to Ray.

Your mind was blank. You couldn’t think of anything. The situation was spinning even further out of your control and try as you might, you were unable to grasp onto it for long enough to restore any semblance of order.

“This is really bad,” you sounded like a broken record. “I’m trying to think of a way to stop this from happening, but I’m not sure. When they gave me the elixir, I had already been drugged and was being held in a cell in the basement. I don’t know anything about the preparation, and even if I did, I don’t know if it’s going to be any different with you. I can try to talk to Ray. Even though I don’t really think it’ll do anything, it’s the only angle I have.”

Miyeon pressed her lips together, clearly perturbed, and nodded. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I was saying that we need more help. This is out of both of our hands. They’re watching over us too closely. V hardly ever accesses any chatrooms during the day and doesn’t pick up many calls, so I’m not sure when I’ll be able to talk to him next. Now that I know he’s here undercover it makes sense that I can’t reach him, but it’s still bad for us. And to be honest, I’m worried about adding to his burdens. He already has so many secrets that he’s handling alone.”

You began to feel like the air was being sucked out of your chest. 

Every time you thought things were going well, something like this happened. You had usually managed to avoid most dangerous situations since coming to Mint Eye, but you were beginning to feel like there was no way out of this. You had run out of the dumb luck that was keeping you alive. You had two bombshells dropped on you, and the foundation of what you thought to be true was completely destroyed. You would have to rethink everything, but you didn’t have the time. If the Savior wanted Miyeon to take the elixir soon, it was going to happen. Her word was law. There wasn’t a single thing you could do against her, especially within the bounds of a time constraint.

There was a familiar rapping on the door. 

_ Shit. _

Quickly, you leaned in a bit closer to Miyeon. “I’ll see what I can do,” you whispered, so rushed and quiet you weren’t even sure if she could hear you. “Hang in there, okay?”

Miyeon nodded before plastering on her usual smile. As she turned to the door, you pushed yourself up from where you had been sitting on the bed, straightening your clothes and hair in a frantic attempt to gather your wits. You felt strangely like a high school student hiding from their parents. It was a little demeaning, but you pushed that thought aside.

“Come in!” Miyeon called.

The door opened to reveal Ray, smiling politely as he usually did when arriving to bring you back. 

You weren’t ready to see him yet. With this new revelation, he seemed more threatening than usual. But you needed to keep yourself under control, now more than ever. You couldn’t afford to make any mistakes. There wouldn’t be any time left to clean up after yourself if you screwed up.

So you aimed a small smile at Ray, fighting to appear as collected as you could. “Time to go back?”

Ray nodded at you. “Yes. We have a lot to do today.”

You almost shuddered. His words had a strange, if somewhat ominous implication to them. You hated that he was including you in his plans by saying  _ we. _ You had never had a choice.

But you played the part and bid Miyeon a short, but polite farewell, which she returned with the same composed friendliness that she usually sported. Ray held out his hand as you approached him and you placed your own in his, allowing him to lace his fingers through the spaces between yours like they belonged there. His hand was warm and familiar as it held onto yours, and you wished you could find comfort in the contact. But today, his grip felt a little too tight.

It didn’t take Ray long to usher you back out into the hallway. You registered Miyeon’s door shutting behind you and spared a quick thought, hoping that she would be okay having to sit silently all day. At the very least, you could try to do something or gather information through Ray. But she would have to play the waiting game, whether she wanted to or not.

You quickly reeled your thoughts back in. You knew yourself, and you knew that if you focused too much on Miyeon after just receiving this information that you would grow too emotional, and it would be visible. The last thing you needed was for Ray to notice your sudden change in demeanor and put together that something fishy was happening right underneath his nose. No matter how impossible it seemed, you had to try and keep yourself composed because the consequences of getting found out were sure to be far worse than this.

By the time you got back to Ray’s workroom, you noticed that several things were different. There were two Believers waiting by the door, hoods pulled up, and heads angled downward. Ray didn’t say anything to them, but when he swiped his keycard and allowed the two of you entrance, the Believers followed you in as well.

It was uncomfortable. You felt like the room was much too small for so many people. You inched over to the desk, standing by your chair, too on edge to sit down. The Believers’ way of carrying themselves unsettled you greatly, and you felt too close to them to be able to relax. You knew that Mint Eye was a cult and cultish behavior was to be expected, but the Believers always looked so ominous with their hoods shadowing their faces. It was like any traces of individuality were erased and completely replaced by lifeless drones that knew nothing but worshipping their charismatic, manipulative leader. You made it a point not to look directly at any of the Believers, choosing instead to sneak glances at them every so often when you felt that nobody was paying any attention to you.

Now that you knew that V was likely inside Magenta, you would have to make an active effort to try and view everything differently. It was hard for you to see the Believers as anything other than lifeless cogs in a dangerous machine. They never spoke to you, never really looked at you, and all went about living the same quiet, monotonous lifestyle. They hardly seemed like individuals because they didn’t act like people. But if one of them was somebody that could help you, then that would change everything. 

However, you were still unable to see any of their faces because they kept their heads constantly bowed. It was dark enough in the room as it was, and the fact that all of their hoods were shrouding their faces certainly didn’t help. Even if you could see them, you had no idea what V looked like. Perhaps asking Miyeon about V’s appearance would have been a good idea. If you hadn’t been so wrapped up in your panic earlier, you would have been able to do so.

Ray was standing in the middle of the room while the two Believers were congregated by the door. It was almost like he was standing between you and them, creating a barrier to ensure that they kept their distance. You wondered if this was something that he did on purpose or if he didn’t realize that his preoccupation with you was ingrained into his behavior.

“Mr. Ray, how long do you plan on keeping that woman in there?” one of the Believers finally spoke up. Their voice was feminine but contained the same drawl that most of the Believers spoke with. You briefly wondered if their slight slurring was a result of constantly ingesting the elixir. 

Your focus on their interaction increased at the mention of Miyeon, but you kept your gaze trained on the desk, refusing to look over to the conversation taking place. You tried to act as naturally as you could but you felt awkward standing still, knowing that it was rather obvious you were eavesdropping.

“Why?” Ray asked. His voice was always harsh when he spoke with the Believers, and this time was no exception. “Is there a problem with her?”

His questions were short and to the point. It was unsettling how mean he sounded. 

“No, not at all,” the woman persisted. “But as far as I know, she hasn’t had her ceremony yet. We can’t let an outsider stay here forever, can we?”

Your chest was starting to buzz with nerves again, but you kept yourself steady, remaining tuned in to the exchange. You fiddled quietly with the cord of the charger plugged into your laptop.

“Oh, we’ll hold her ceremony soon,” Your eyes darted back up to see Ray’s lips curled upward ever so slightly. “Before midnight.”

You could have vomited right then and there. Something about Ray’s smirk was more sinister than you were used to. It could have been because the room itself was dark, but you found that his eyes lacked the usual softness that they had when he spoke with you. 

_ Tonight. _

Everything was going wrong again. There was no way you could prevent this. There wasn’t enough time, and you couldn’t so much as warn Miyeon. 

Your heart sped up in your chest, slamming into your ribcage as the weight of the predicament began to settle atop your shoulders, weighing you down and stealing the air from your lungs. The walls were starting to close in around you.

“Should I tell the Savior?” The Believer asked.

“She already knows,” Ray said. “The only thing we need now is that girl’s choice.”

The Believer who had been speaking straightened up a little bit, as if pleased. “Then, I’ll tell the Savior that you’re taking care of this.”

“Fine,” Ray nodded briefly.

The Believer in question quickly turned and left the room. The other person she had been with remained still, completely silent as they lingered in the room. You weren’t sure why you felt like there were eyes trained on you, but that feeling was inconsequential next to the fear that had flooded your system. The conversation you had just heard had completely petrified you. You felt cold and sick, bile rising up your throat and burning your esophagus. You were being backed into a corner, and you feared that the loose grip that you’d had on your emotions was about to falter. This time, Miyeon wouldn’t be there to help you if you slipped up.

Before you had time to process the situation at hand any further, Ray turned to you. His eyes immediately locked onto your figure, zeroing in on you.

“Hm?” He tilted his head a little. “Are you alright?

It took all of the self-control you could muster to continue a facade of nonchalance, but you managed to pull off a slightly tense smile. 

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you thanked the heavens that your voice didn’t quiver. “I’m a little surprised, though. I would have thought Miyeon would make her contract after the test. Why so soon?”

It was a rushed question, not at all thought out. The words had slipped from your mouth before you’d had the opportunity to completely think them through. You had always tried not to show too much interest in Miyeon because you knew that Ray was incredibly possessive of your attention, but your anxiety was beginning to cloud your judgment and override your rationale. You were slipping.

You didn’t at all understand what was going on. You didn’t want to be caught off-guard anymore. You could feel your panic rising and the world began to feel like it was far away, like your mind was separating itself from your body and floating off into the distance.

All that you could think about was that you needed to be able to tell Miyeon what was going on. This wasn’t only about you anymore. She was the one who was in the most danger right now.

_ It’s your fault. _

“Keeping an outsider here is something we’ve never done before,” Ray responded. “It’s not a good idea. And it’s a bit of a pain to keep watching over her and restricting her movement so much. She’ll be happier once she can properly enter Paradise with us.”

Ray sounded more austere than you had expected him to. His reasons weren’t quite as noble as you thought they would have been. You had been expecting him to go off on a tangent about Paradise the way that he had when calling you over the phone so long ago. But with Miyeon, it was almost like he was rushing her induction for practicality’s sake and nothing more.

That made everything worse. Miyeon was going to be put in danger, forced to drink battery acid because waiting would be  _ inconvenient? _

A fire was igniting itself in your chest, threatening to consume your thoughts. You felt your head grow hot as your thoughts sped back up.

You were angry. So much so that keeping yourself from lashing out was proving to be a challenge.

Ray drew his eyebrows together just a bit when you didn’t respond. Clearly, he was already picking up on the fact that something was off with you.

“Why?” He pushed. “Aren’t you two friends? I would have thought you would be pleased.”

He sounded accusing, and that made your heart leap into your throat. A shiver threatened to dance up your spine and you stifled it as best as you could, trying to get ahold of yourself while your anxiety ran wild. You had been so used to Ray acting gently with you that you’d forgotten that his intentions hardly aligned with yours. 

You were stuffed to the brim with a myriad of intense emotions, filling up your head and clouding your thoughts. You were angry and upset, but something in you was desperately trying to remind you that losing control wasn’t the right thing to do. If you wanted Miyeon to be safe, you would have to bear this. You would have to stifle your angry thoughts and keep them from rising to the surface. You wanted to give the world a piece of your mind, but you couldn’t risk doing so. Not yet.

_ Shit.  _

_ Pull yourself together. _

“Oh-” you couldn’t stop yourself from stammering. The room was too small and everything was too close. Orienting yourself was difficult, but finding the right words was even more so. “No, that’s- that’s not what I meant. Sorry. I was just surprised.”

You were losing control. The world was threatening to spin out of focus, but nobody was there to pull you back to Earth. You were on your own. You had been receiving too many bombshells too close together, and it was throwing you off balance but if you were careless, things could very easily get much worse.

You were slipping up, making too many mistakes.

Ray’s eyebrows were still drawn together, eyes swimming with a mixture of suspicion and concern, like he knew something was wrong but couldn’t help worrying. He seemed to be scrutinizing you, looking for something in your face.

You found enough clarity to realize that something was off on Ray’s end, too. He was behaving unusually, leaving you unable to decipher his emotions the way that you usually could. You couldn’t understand him and it was frightening you. 

Had something happened?

“You…” Ray had started to speak but he trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows a little more as he continued to stare at you.

In that moment, you knew that something was definitely amiss. It was written all over Ray’s face; something had happened. Curious as you were, you felt extremely conflicted. You wanted to say something and find out what was wrong, but you knew that your current state was stripping you of any usual finesse. You wouldn’t be able to pry any of Ray’s feelings out of him like this; you were too upset to be sensitive and understanding.

There was a shuffle from the other corner of the room. Suddenly, what was a confused frown morphed into a glare as Ray’s eyes darted up to the Believer still in the room, locking onto them with sudden intensity. “You there. Do you have something to say?”

You turned your own head, looking over at the robed figure. It took your cheeks mere seconds to flush as you realized that this person had been there the entire time. You had completely forgotten that they were still there, and felt embarrassed that they had witnessed that interaction. 

The Believer straightened their posture at being addressed, but their head remained bowed. “Oh- No. Please go ahead, Mr. Ray.”

There was a touch of familiarity to that person’s voice, you realized. It was a smooth baritone, honeyed and pleasant to the ears. You weren’t sure where you had heard it before, but you knew that you had. For a few more seconds, you tried to make out anything about their face, hidden under the shadows of their hood. But you couldn’t see anything besides the faint outline of downturned lips. They likely felt just as uncomfortable as you did.

A gloved hand on your cheek turned your head back to Ray suddenly. You hadn’t been expecting the contact and your body went rigid without giving you the chance to object. Ray’s mint eyes met yours, eyebrows still pulled into a frown.

“Look at me,” he instructed. Though you didn’t resist, his hand remained on your cheek, holding your head in place. Despite his obvious displeasure, Ray’s touch was still gentle. You were more than a little uncomfortable with the gesture on its own, but even more so now that you remembered that somebody else was witnessing this interaction. Still, you tried to put it out of your mind. This should have been the least of your worries.

“I need to make the preparations for tonight,” Ray said. “There’s a lot to do, but I’ll come back to you as soon as I can. Okay?”

At that moment, there wasn’t a single part of you that truly wanted to be around him. You were extremely upset, but you also knew that no good would come out of expressing this to him. There was a rising defeat climbing from the pit of your stomach up to your esophagus, settling in your chest.

What choice did you really have?

“Okay,” you responded, holding his gaze as best as you could.

Ray continued to stare at you for the next few seconds in much the same fashion as he had before. It was obvious that something was going on in his head, but you couldn’t figure out what. The only thing that you knew for sure was that for whatever reason, you were the target of his current scrutiny. All you could do was try not to give him a reason to look too closely. Ray wasn’t stupid. You knew that if he looked for long enough, he would catch a glimpse of what you were trying to do- if he hadn’t already.

_ God, _ you hoped that he hadn’t.

As if resigning himself to something, Ray suddenly sighed. With his hand still on your cheek, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the top of your forehead in a soft kiss. You didn’t say anything as he pulled away, lowering his hand, and neither did he. There was a faint flush across his cheeks despite the fact that he was clearly rather unhappy at the moment.

Not another word was exchanged as Ray followed the Believer out of the room. The door shut and locked itself with a click, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

The room was quiet, but your head remained loud. 

With a sigh, you collapsed into your chair, your head turned upward so you could stare at the ceiling. There was so much to process, and you had no idea where to begin. 

You were afraid for Miyeon. Terrified for her. You knew what the elixir did from firsthand experience. Your time spent sick and drugged was a blur; you couldn’t remember too many specific events but you remembered the feelings. The intense nausea, pounding headaches, and disorientation so bad you could hardly think. You remembered the stone floor beneath you as it cooled off the raging fever you’d been sporting, and how you had been unable to so much as stand up by yourself.

You remembered feeling miserable, sick, and terrified, but your body had been so wrecked that all you could do was lay with the feelings for hours, allowing them to take over your mind and consume your thoughts. You had never been that ill before, and you never wanted to be that ill again.

But tonight, that same thing was going to happen to Miyeon, and it would be your fault. You were the reason that she was here, and you would be unable to stop Mint Eye from forcing that battery-acid down her throat. She would suffer because you had been weak and incompetent, and you wouldn’t be able to do anything to make the situation any better.

You raised your hands up to rub at your closed eyelids, trying desperately to ward off the headache threatening to arrive. Everything was going so wrong.

Based on the way that Ray had been behaving just before, you had the feeling that something was different. You knew that he met with the Savior while you were with Miyeon, and you wondered if she had said something to somehow incriminate you. You knew it had been her words that convinced Ray to allow you to see Miyeon, but you were also aware that she suspected you and likely had some sort of ulterior motives.

What was she saying to Ray that would cause him to scrutinize you like that? Or, were you just overthinking it? Maybe he had been staring at you in that way because you’d let your emotions show too much.

You wished you could ask. You wished you could look into Ray’s head to see what he was thinking so you could understand what you were doing wrong and fix it before you made things worse. But you couldn’t do that, so you were left here, drowning in your own racing thoughts. 

“Shit,” you cursed aloud as your eyes began to burn. The mixture of frustration and anxiety inside of you was a powerful constant, and after the myriad of bad news you had received today, you knew that there would be no avoiding it. Miyeon was in trouble and you were stuck here, in this tiny room without windows, unable to do a single thing to help or prevent what was to come.

You let your hands fall back down to your side and opened your eyes, staring at the ceiling through blurred vision.

Miyeon’s induction wasn’t the only piece of shocking news that you’d received.

The RFA were real people? And V was here, at Magenta?

You glanced toward the door of the workroom, staring at it absentmindedly as you thought. You had initially believed that the RFA represented people that the Savior wanted revenge on, and that she was somehow using the app to facilitate some sort of vengeance. It had never truly made sense to you. You knew that there had been something missing and that was why the narrative wasn’t coherent.

But the RFA being real people filled that gap somewhat. It was confusing, but at the same time, it made much more sense. 

No wonder Ray didn’t want you to talk to them. They weren’t AIs, they were real people. He didn’t trust them because the Savior had it out for them, and Ray was extremely rigid in setting your boundaries from the beginning. 

But Miyeon had mentioned that she had been told not to reveal her location- not like she knew where she was anyways, you thought. But if Miyeon was being sent in with the idea that the RFA were fictional characters, then she was no better than a lens through which to monitor the RFA. Ray had been reading through the logs and spying on their activities using Miyeon. If the RFA were the targets of the Savior’s anger, then they were at a huge disadvantage, and probably didn’t even know it.

But if V was here and he had seen you, then it was likely that he had some idea of how delicate of a situation the RFA in. Was he planning on taking action, or did he see you and Miyeon as enemies?

Your mouth went dry, and despite the situation, a light flush managed to tinge your cheeks. If V had seen you with Ray last night, then it was very likely that he’d gotten the wrong idea. Nothing about that interaction with Ray painted you as a captive. If anything, you probably looked like a willing participant, even though you felt more trapped now than you ever had before.

Would you be able to trust V, anyways? Saying that Ray disliked V was an understatement. According to the documents you had found in the past, Ray was filled with rage toward this person for reasons unknown to you. But was it good enough to carelessly assume that the enemy of your enemy was your friend? This situation had proven itself to be more complicated than you expected on multiple occasions, and you were only getting more confused by the day. Every answer to a question only brought with more questions. There were too many loose ends, too many holes in the story.

A part of you wished that you hadn’t found out about all of this. There was too much to think about, and nothing that you could do. You were locked in this room, sitting with your anxiety, deprived of a way to fix this. It was out of your hands and had been from the moment you arrived here. Mint Eye definitely had an agenda, and you were supposed to play a part in it from the beginning. Even though your role changed drastically after your initial refusal to test the game, there was no denying that you had involved yourself in something much deeper than you’d intended.

You really should have known. But, even if you had, would that have changed anything? You had never had a choice in this, not from day one. Ray had involved you in this way before contacting you; way before you even knew that you were involved. He had admitted to you there had been a certain point where he knew he wouldn’t have been able to let you go.

All of your previous woes about homelessness, loneliness, and being broke felt they were part of a much simpler past. 

You glanced to the side, eyes landing on your laptop. You reached over and swiped your fingers across the touchpad, lighting up the screen. The numbers at the bottom right indicated that it was just past noon. With a sigh, you looked back around the room, teeth capturing your lower lip in an attempt to find an outlet for your nervous energy.

As always, there was nothing you could do but wait. You couldn’t help wondering if Miyeon felt as hopeless as you did in her own room on the opposite side of the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this one, to be honest. This was another instance where I had a different outline prepared for it because I thought that I would be able to fit more content into the chapter, but it didn't turn out that way. Grammarly is telling me that this chapter is okay, but my plans were thwarted yet again so I'm not sure I trust it.
> 
> I don't really have much to say today! Tomorrow (July 28) is two years since I've joined ao3! I've really only been posting for about a month so it's not like that really matters, but I think it's kind of neat. I didn't realize I've had this account for so long. I also kind of wish that I'd had the courage to post something earlier, but I never really had the time to commit to anything long like this story. I love writing here. I know my writing isn't that impressive next to a lot of the other people on this site, but the fact that there are people who take the time to encourage me and leave kind words always warms my heart. To be honest, I'm in a really difficult living situation and writing this is one of the ways that I get out a lot of complicated emotions while also being productive. So I'm glad I have a platform with which to do that. :)
> 
> A big thank you to everyone who left comments and/or Kudos on the last chapter! I always love reading through comments and hearing what everyone has to say. You are all so amazingly insightful and your words are always extremely motivating. It makes my day to read all of the kind things everyone says. I've been having a really hard time these past few weeks, and I actually do go and read through comments to cheer myself up haha :) If anyone has any thoughts about this story, please feel free to leave them in a comment below! I always appreciate everyone's time, and your words carry much more of an impact than you know. Of course, this isn't the place for me to go on about my personal life, but please know that every kind word brings me a lot of joy and I really hold your comments dear.
> 
> Take care, everyone! Please stay well and healthy. Look after yourselves. I'll see everyone in the next chapter. :)


	12. ...Try, Try Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you can't stop the inevitable, see a new face, and start to understand the depth of your abyss.

You had been sitting and waiting, watching the hours slowly drag by. It was like torture. The mixture of anxiety and apprehension was unrelenting and you had no way of getting it out or countering what you knew was to come. All you could do was sit in your chair, pace around the room, or try to keep yourself busy by simply thinking.

You felt like you were slowly going insane. You knew that what was to come was going to be catastrophic. This would set you back greatly in more ways than one. You didn’t want Miyeon to have to go through the pain of taking the elixir. The memory of the agony you’d suffered was enough to make you cringe. The smell of the musty prison, laced with chemicals and vomit was fresh in your mind, wasting no time in assaulting your senses if you focused on it for too long. 

You couldn’t believe that this was happening so soon. Miyeon hadn’t been here for long at all. You had hardly made any headway in securing an escape, and doing so would be much more difficult if Miyeon was moved away from her room. You wouldn’t be able to visit her as easily even once she was well again. You had thought that Miyeon would at least have until she finished the game before Mint Eye truly tightened their grasp on her. But you were very wrong. What had happened to an unbiased third party? Why did the Savior change her mind? Why was she putting Miyeon through this when there were so many contradictions and unanswered questions? The Savior didn’t seem the type to leave any loose threads in her plans, and this was a huge risk that she didn’t need to take.

But that was hardly the real problem with Mint Eye. You and Miyeon likely weren’t the only people who had been forced to drink that chemical cocktail.

Why was the Savior putting  _ anyone  _ through this? The Believers were all lifeless, constantly drugged out of their minds, rendered to little more than puppets that moved at the beckoning of their leader and nothing else. They weren’t individuals; they didn’t have thoughts of their own. Even so, they didn’t seem to mind that their freedom had been completely stripped away. They didn’t have a care in the world besides pleasing their Savior.

You couldn’t imagine what would have happened if you were forced to drink the elixir regularly. You knew that Ray was preventing that from happening, and for that you were grateful. You could only hope that Miyeon would somehow find a way out of it, too. If she was reduced to the same state as the other Believers, you weren’t sure if you would be able to get her out of Magenta anymore. You would be alone again.

Your situation had never been great, but it was quickly getting a lot worse. You were running out of both time and options.

Had you been too slow? Too lazy?

Whatever you had done wrong, you were paying the price for it now. 

Minutes ticked by. The sun was surely making its path across the sky, crossing from one horizon to the other. It pained you that this was time you could have spent doing something, but instead, you were being locked in this tiny room like an animal. No matter how bad you wanted to leave, you couldn’t. You had even gone up and tried opening the door, hoping for some fluke to let you out, but to no avail. The door didn’t budge, and your anguish only increased.

It was demeaning and frustrating. You could put up with a lot of Ray’s strange behavior. The hand-holding, creepy staring, even the jealousy was bearable sometimes- but you could never accept how effortlessly he kept you stuck in this small space. It was cold and dark, nary a window to give you any semblance of fresh air or sunlight. All you had was computer screens and locked file cabinets. You hardly had room to breathe and you were struggling to stay sane amidst the agitation plaguing your head.

It was quickly becoming too much. The weight of all of your thoughts, feelings, and secrets was threatening to crush your shoulders and drag you to the ground, pinning you down so you would never be able to stand firmly again. A part of you almost welcomed the idea of being crushed, because at least then you wouldn’t have to take every step so carefully. One wrong move could get you in even more trouble than you were already in, and it was that sentiment that kept you fighting. But there were moments where you felt it was too exhausting to have to calculate every single thing that you did. You were little more than a person reciting lines, following a scripted act that you devised every single day. There could be no room for mistakes; it was up to you to play your part perfectly, or suffer the consequences if you failed.

It was easy to think that you should never have opened the app that you found on your phone in the cafe. You regretted every second that you had spared Ray that day. Every message that you had sent to him in hopes of curing some of your own boredom had been a mistake, and you were in this situation because of your own carelessness. But even so, you knew that there was nothing you could have done to deter him. Ray had watched Miyeon for a week before contacting her. Who knew how long he had watched you for? The second he had picked you out, you were destined to come to Magenta. Your choice never mattered. Everything had been set in motion before you even knew that it was happening. It was a homing bullet that you had no way of avoiding.

So, all you could do was try to survive and find a way out. Miyeon’s induction was throwing a sizable wrench in your schemes, and finding out that the RFA could have been real was just as much of a crisis. But with any luck, there would be enough parts left over for you to construct a new plan once you got through this. Even if you weren’t able to leave this room and help Miyeon, perhaps V could, instead.

It wasn’t much, but it was all that you had. And it was that small hope that kept your mind mostly intact while afternoon faded into evening, and evening into night.

You had been so lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t heard anyone approaching. You were slumped over in your chair, practically laying on the desk with your head resting atop folded arms. Your mind was elsewhere, wandering far away. Despite your anxiety, it was so late and you were so exhausted from worrying all day that you were on the verge of allowing yourself to drift off-  _ just for a second _ \- before a familiar clicking resounded in the room.

You flew to your feet so quickly that your mind spun out of focus. Your vision was slightly sensitive from having your eyes closed, but you were able to focus on the door opening and the two figures that entered.

Your mouth went dry.

Miyeon’s discomfort was more than obvious to you. She was slightly pale and her eyebrows were drawn together, indicating that she was unsettled, but she managed to remain somewhat composed as she followed Ray inside. Her eyes met yours in an instant, and her facade slipped just a little bit, allowing you to see that she was just as confused as you were.

“Welcome to our room!” Ray gestured for her to enter with a slight flourish. As soon as Miyeon was inside he shut the door behind her, sealing the three of you in.

The clicking of the lock was louder to you than usual. You weren’t able to speak. Your grip on the arm of your seat tightened, like it was holding you up and preventing you from falling. You were trying to catch up, wondering briefly if you were just having a vivid dream.

Why would Ray bring Miyeon here?

Miyeon remained in the middle of the room. She looked out of place and apprehensive, her eyes scanning across the walls and the multitude of screens lighting the dim room with a tinge of blue. You noticed a small shiver dance up her spine.

“There are a lot of computers in here,” Miyeon remarked, voice slightly tenser than you were used to hearing from her.

“Yes,” Ray took a few more steps into the room. He seemed more comfortable than he had when he left hours ago, like some of his earlier anger had faded over the course of the day. “This is where I’ve been developing the game you’re testing and analyzing the data I get from you.”

Ray stepped around Miyeon, standing in front of her with his back to you before he continued speaking. “There’s no need to sign anything for this contract. All you have to do is take a special elixir we develop as a promise that you’ll stay here.”

Your heart was pounding harder than it had in a long time, sending waves of apprehension coursing through your bloodstream. You felt dizzy, overwhelmed with terror once again.

Ray couldn’t have been planning on having Miyeon drink the elixir here, could he?

Miyeon straightened her posture, but it was the only clear indication that she was uncomfortable besides the lack of cheer in her voice. “Special elixir…?” 

“Yes. I’ve had it prepared for today,” Ray confirmed. “Close your eyes.”

There was silence. When Ray turned around, you were able to see Miyeon, who was standing with her eyes shut. Her hands were gripping the sides of her skirt, lips pressed into a thin line. She looked significantly more uncomfortable than before. You stood still, like a lost child, watching something bad unfold right in front of your eyes without the capability to do anything about it

“When I tell you, open your eyes,” Ray said as he approached the desk. His eyes met yours for just a second, and through the short eye contact you could tell that he was being serious; there was no way that you could stop this from happening through words alone. The Savior meant for Miyeon to join Mint Eye, so she would join Mint Eye. Ray would make sure of it, and there was nothing you could do or say to stop the ball from rolling.

Miyeon didn’t respond. You remained just as silent, voice stuck in the depths of your throat as you watched Ray.

Ray reached over the desk and turned away one of the monitors. He grabbed onto something which had been sitting behind it, and the glint of a familiar glass bottle nearly sent you into a panic. The mint liquid inside glittered brilliantly, effortlessly filling you with terrible memories of persistent illness and unrelenting agony.

There was an almost inaudible intake of air from you as your lips parted, eyes widening slightly.

Had that been there the whole time that you were trapped in this room? Were you that blind?  _ How had you not noticed? _

Miyeon was going to drink the elixir right in front of you. That thought hit you like a strike of lightning. 

You couldn’t just stand there and do nothing, but what could you do? What were your options?

Ray turned back to Miyeon with the bottle in hand. It contrasted against the black of his gloves and as he moved, the liquid inside swirled in circles ominously.

“Alright,” Ray broke the silence with a strange finality. “Open your eyes.”

Miyeon’s amber eyes opened. Immediately, they zeroed in on the glass that Ray was holding, and widened when the realization hit her. Her eyes flickered up to you for just a second, and upon noticing your expression, you saw some of her resolves begin to flicker. She was picking up on your fear.

Still gripping the arm of the chair, your hand began to tremble. In the split second that Miyeon’s gaze met yours, you were able to read that her usual composure was nothing more than a front. You were able to see past it and notice that she was just as terrified as you, if not more so. She looked back at the elixir, and then at Ray, keeping herself together in a way that you could only envy.

“What is this?” Miyeon’s voice was remarkably calm.

You could hear the smile in Ray’s voice as he responded. “This place develops medicine as well. This elixir proves that you belong here, but it will also make you happy.”

_ No. _

You grit your teeth as the hurricane of thoughts inside of you increased in size, bringing with it a tidal wave of anxiety and terror that washed over you with an intensity that had your head spinning. You were frozen in place momentarily, trying to catch up to the events folding in front of you. Desperately, you fought to think of anything that you could do to make this stop. Miyeon didn’t deserve this.

It was all your fault. You had failed.

_ Weak _ .

“If you drink it, you’ll officially become a resident of this place,” Ray concluded. He was either ignorant of your distress, or he knew and simply didn’t care. He had a goal in mind, something to accomplish, and he was completely focused on the task at hand. Even you couldn’t get in the way of that.

Miyeon was leaning back slightly. She forced a weak smile and a breathy chuckle escaped her lips. “It looks kind of suspicious.”

“Probably because it’s your first time seeing it,” Ray remarked with a chuckle of his own. At the sound of your name leaving his lips, you broke out of your trance, looking up just in time to meet his gaze as he turned around to look at you. “I’m sure you were just as shocked when you first saw the elixir, hm?”

It was like Ray was a completely different person. He seemed so much darker, so unlike the Ray that liked to thread flowers into your hair under the moonlight. His eyes, the same color as the swirling battery acid in the bottle, held you in place, beckoning you to respond.

“Uh-” your voice was foreign in your throat. You felt like you were choking on it, unsure of what to say. You had no plan yet, and opted to try playing along a little more. “I definitely thought it looked strange.”

How were you supposed to do this? You were one person when you were with Ray, and a completely different person when you were with Miyeon. You couldn’t play both parts at once. You couldn’t outright disobey Ray because you had nowhere to run if things went wrong. But standing like this in front of Miyeon, watching her inch closer to having the elixir shoved down her throat without doing anything to help felt like you were turning your back on her and abandoning her to the agony that awaited.

Ray’s lips quirked upwards slightly at your response, apparently pleased. He turned back to Miyeon. “See? It’s normal to be surprised. But you can get a glimpse of our paradise if you drink this. You’ll be happy.”

_ No. _ It was all a lie.

Miyeon’s smile had started to fade. This was the first time you had seen her under this much duress. Her eyes were fixed on the drink in front of her, eyebrows drawing together ever so slightly before she looked back up at Ray. Her voice hardened when she spoke next.

“You’re not telling me to drink this, are you?”

“Well, the contract is only fulfilled if you do,” Ray told her, tilting his head as if he couldn’t understand why she was hesitating. “Don’t you want to?”

You had been gripping the arm of the chair so tightly that your nails bent backward under the pressure exerted against the metal arm. You noticed the sharp pain zapping up your fingers just enough to readjust your grip, but your attention soon refocused on the pair in front of you. You were struggling to find a solution.

Your time was running out, and so were your options. You didn’t want to do anything drastic. You didn’t want to put yourself or Miyeon in more danger by acting recklessly. But you were starting to get desperate, and imagining Miyeon drinking the elixir and collapsing into illness right in front of you was spurring you to act before that image became a reality. 

You doubted that there was a graceful way to stop this. If you wanted to ensure that Miyeon wouldn’t end up drinking the elixir, you would have to do something extreme. There was no other way out.

“You’re already here,” Ray continued trying to convince her. “And you’ve spent time testing the game and chatting with both me and my assistant. You can continue to stay here and enter Paradise with us. If you drink this, your world will be flooded with happiness when you open your eyes tomorrow morning. So, don’t let your anxiety get the better of you.”

Ray extended his hand, offering Miyeon the drink. The liquid inside caught the light of the monitors, adding traces of blue highlights amongst the mint swirling around inside the glass. It seemed impossibly bright against the poorly lit room, but you knew that whatever was in that elixir was more nightmarish than anything that Magenta had to offer. Like the building itself, where bright marble floors distracted wandering eyes from the shadows, the brilliant color of the elixir was only a front for the chemical cocktail designed only to bring pain.

Miyeon met your eyes shortly. Your face had gone rigid and hard, eyebrows furrowed and teeth grit. In the split second that she looked at you, you managed to shake your head, hoping that you could convey to her that nothing good would come out of drinking the elixir. She was being lied to.

Your legs itched. The urge to leap forward and destroy the damned bottle with that glittering mint liquid was almost too overwhelming to ignore.

You would not let Miyeon drink the elixir. It wouldn’t happen- not as long as you were there to do something about it.

Miyeon took a short step back, away from the elixir, looking up at Ray once more. She didn’t say a word, but hesitance was written all over her face. Her shoulders were tensed, like she was ready to push the bottle away if she needed to.

“You’re afraid. I know how you feel,” Ray’s voice was deceptively gentle, similar to the way he had spoken to you over the phone when you had first met. “You don’t know what will happen to you. But it’s okay. There’s no need to hesitate.”

It was all a lie. The tension in the room was rising quickly. Miyeon stared up at Ray with hard eyes, conveying very clearly that she wasn’t having any of his attempts at changing her mind. Gentle as she had been when you first met, you were coming to realize that Miyeon was stubborn and had no qualms standing up for herself.

But you knew that if push came to shove she would be forced. Just like you were. Mint Eye could and would use violence against her.

You straightened up, ready to move forward. At the same time, Ray took another step toward Miyeon. 

“Now, drink it,” he urged, voice still as smooth as butter. “I invite you to Paradise.”

Several things happened in the next few seconds.

As soon as Miyeon backed up again, her movements becoming more rigid and less controlled, you finally made up your mind. 

You couldn’t let this happen. You refused to let Miyeon suffer at the hands of the Savior and her elixir, consequences be damned. You released the arm of the chair, filled to the brim with a dreadful determination that both fueled you with reckless energy and choked you with foreboding anxiety. You had taken a single step forward, ready to wrestle the glass bottle out of Ray’s hands and chuck it to the ground.

Ray had perked up at your movement and glanced back at you, eyebrows furrowing. His mouth opened but you beat him to it.

“Stop-!”

Before you had the chance to finish your unplanned pleas, a heavy knocking at the door stopped you in your tracks, echoing through the room. Your determination wavered at the sudden interruption and your hand, which had fallen short in its attempt to grab the bottle, took hold of the sleeve of Ray’s blazer. You had been planning on tugging his arm away but ended up looking toward the source of the interruption instead.

At the sound of the knock, Ray’s attention moved from you to the door. His face contorted into a frustrated scowl.

“Who is it that decides to interrupt  _ now _ ?” He hissed, voice filled with barely contained frustration. “I told everybody to stay away from here.”

Your eyes darted to meet Miyeon’s like the two of you were sharing a silent thanks to the heavens. If nothing else, you had a little bit more time to rethink your plan. The knocking repeated, this time sounding slightly more urgent. 

Ray didn’t seem to notice your wordless exchange with Miyeon. He drew in a quick breath, composing himself. “Wait, maybe she’s looking for me…”

Your short-lived gratitude immediately turned to dread. If it was the Savior, then you were most definitely screwed.

Ray removed your fingers from his sleeve with his free hand and handed the bottle to you, closing your fingers around it before you had the wherewithal to object. The glass was cool in your hands, heavy as the liquid swirled around inside of it.

You briefly considered dropping it to the ground but quickly threw that thought away. If the Savior was outside of the door, you figured that an act of such outright rebellion would get you into more trouble than you could handle.

Ray gave you a smile, but it still seemed slightly stiff. “Hold onto this. Give me a moment.”

As he moved to the door, you redirected your gaze from the bottle to Miyeon. Your eyes met, mirroring each other’s apprehension. It was like you held a short, silent conversation between the two of you. Miyeon moved to stand closer to you like she found some semblance of comfort in your presence, and you didn’t object.

The bottle rested in your shaky hands, the elixir glinting up at you.

Ray opened the door, letting some of the light from the hallway fall into the entrance of the room, bathing it in an orange tint that contrasted against the rest of the floor. You could see the hood of a Believer, a few inches taller than Ray, shadowing some of the incoming light. You were completely unable to make out their face from underneath their hood. A quiet breath escaped your lips, relieved that the Savior was nowhere to be seen.

“What is it?” Ray asked, his usual composure having returned.

“We have a problem with the server room,” a familiar baritone reached your ears, but the words were urgent and rushed. “It’s an emergency.”

Miyeon’s hands flew up to grab one of your arms, squeezing tightly like she was trying to tell you something. The initial contact surprised you and you startled, but kept your hold on the elixir. You glanced at her quickly, but she said nothing, and you were left in the dark.

The room was tense. The air felt hard and brittle, like any wrong move could shatter the rigid atmosphere and plunge everything back into chaos again.

“What? Of all of the times-!” Ray’s voice, filled with a mixture of shock and disbelief, came to a sudden halt. There were a few seconds of drawn-out silence during which you could practically hear the gears in his head turning like he was trying to put something together.

You felt like you were the only person who didn’t know what was going on. Miyeon’s grip on your arm was tight, and you could hear her suck in a breath.

“Hang on,” the doubt was audible in Ray’s voice. “I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

The Believer didn’t give him a chance to continue. “The Savior is also there. You must go now, Mr. Ray.”

You noticed that his voice was uncharacteristically clear for the typical robed figures that you had heard speaking. He didn’t sound drugged, and he didn’t speak with the drawl that you had learned to associate with the regular ingesting of the elixir. He sounded lucid and urgent, like he was trying to accomplish something but quickly running out of time.

“Wait, your voice…” The suspicion in Ray’s voice was clear as day. “I’ve heard your voice before.”

From beside you, Miyeon suddenly sprung into action, her grip on your arm remaining tight. “This isn’t the time to be suspicious,” she interjected. “You should hurry up and go, Ray!”

You were the only one remaining still, frozen, struggling to catch up. You knew there was something going on. Why couldn’t you put it together? What were you missing?

_ That voice…  _ You knew that you’d heard it before. It suspiciously similar to the voice of the Believer that had been in this room earlier in the day. Was this the same person that had witnessed your spat with Ray?

Was that supposed to mean something to you?

Ray didn’t look away from the Believer in front of him, even as he responded to Miyeon. “Yes, but before that- Who are you? Take off your hood.”

You heard a sharp inhale from next to you. Your eyebrows had drawn together into a deep frown, and you craned your neck to get a better look at the Believer in question. There was a short silence, and the tension in the room reached a peak, so fragile that you were sure it was about to shatter at any second. Even you held your breath, despite remaining unsure of what was going on.

“Very well,” the Believer finally raised his arms, as if going to remove his hood.

And at that second, the tense silence came to a staggering halt and shattered apart.

Instead of taking off his hood, the Believer suddenly took a step forward, shoving Ray out of the way with considerable force. Your boss stumbled backward with an audible grunt, struggling to restore his balance as the Believer pushed past him.

A familiar pair of mint eyes landed on you, wide and filled with alarm.

“Miyeon!” He shouted. “Don’t drink that!”

Your heart jumped into your throat and you took a step back, alarmed at the sudden commotion that had broken out. The man staring at you was someone you had definitely seen before. His hair reached past his chin in slightly unkempt mint strands, and when you got a good look at his face, you finally remembered.

_ The person in the hallways. _ You had seen him after meeting Miyeon. He had stared at you like he was confused, and you remembered feeling initially unsettled before completely forgetting about it. 

But if he knew who Miyeon was…

The pieces finally fell into place. Your brain had caught up, and not a second too soon.

_ Shit. _

“You-!” Ray had finally regained his footing. He stood a few feet away, arm propped against the wall that he had used to restore his balance. His face had contorted with rage, twisting into a deep scowl that you had never seen before.

Next to you, Miyeon sprung into action as well. She finally let go of your arm and grabbed the bottle, twisting it out of your hands. “Give it to me!” 

You gave in to her demand and allowed her to take it from you, yanking your hands back as if burned by the glass. You leaned back as Miyeon threw the flask to the ground with a sudden strength you didn’t know she possessed. The bottle shattered noisily into countless pieces on the ground, the elixir inside spilling out and around the shards, still glittering in the light as it spread out in a puddle. 

“No!” Ray’s voice rose to a shout. “You broke the bottle!”

The combined noises of the glass shattering and Ray’s yelling seemed to finally break you out of whatever trance you had been stuck in. You took another step back from the elixir, which was spreading out to reach your shoes, and looked up to meet the eyes of the man who had broken into the room.

“You’re-!” You only got out a single word, voice high-pitched with disbelief as you reeled from the shock of finally understanding who the person in front of you really was.

Instead of responding to you, his eyes landed on Miyeon as he threw off his hood, mussing his already long hair in the process. “It’s V- Jihyun! Come this way- We have to get out of here, now!”

You were frozen, mind being pulled in two different directions as everything came to a climax in your head. You were hesitating.

Why were you hesitating?

Miyeon sprung into action before you did. She rushed forward, pulling on your arm to get you to follow. Your legs moved on their own and propelled you forward, heart beating so hard against your chest that it was hard to breathe.

Your mind was scrambled, but one thought stood out among the rest.

Was this actually happening?

Were you really going to escape?

“ _ No! _ ” Ray’s yell was so loud that you flinched. His voice was rough and desperate, the yell so sudden that your heart leaped into your throat. A hand grabbed onto your other arm and yanked hard. A yelp fell from your mouth, fighting its way past the lump that had formed in your throat as you were pulled backward and out of Miyeon’s grip. You could barely maintain any sense of balance as you stumbled back blindly, a sharp pain shooting up to your shoulder as it was twisted in a direction you weren’t prepared for.

“You’re not leaving me!” Ray shouted as you crashed into his side like a ragdoll, too disoriented to immediately try pulling away. His grip was painfully tight, keeping you stuck in place.

The small hope that had been kindling inside of you was extinguished in seconds. Your free hand flew up to Ray’s, trying to loosen his hold on your arm, but it only tightened. His fingers dug painfully into your skin, refusing to give any slack.

V and Miyeon had come to a halt near the doorway. Miyeon’s eyes had landed on you, going wide with alarm. This time it was her who seemed frozen, face draining of color.

“Traitor!” Ray pointed at V with his free hand, his arm shaking with the intensity of his emotion. “Why are you in this building?”

Before anyone could respond, Ray’s hand went up to his head, burying itself beneath his hair. He let out a strangled cry, loud and choked, like something inside of him had snapped. You leaned away from him subconsciously, briefly squeezing your eyes shut. His yelling was so loud that your ears ached, overwhelming your senses.

“Mr. Ray! What is it?” You heard a shout from outside of the room, prompting you to wrench your eyes open once more to look back at the doorway.

Both V and Miyeon stiffened. Miyeon shuffled a bit closer to her companion, hands clenched into fists so tight that her knuckles turned bone-white.

“Traitor- It’s the traitor!” Ray’s yells were unsteady, but his hold on you remained painfully tight and unrelenting. “The traitor’s here!”

You heard her let out a loud gasp before she began shouting, repeating the same words like a faulty alarm system. “Intruder! There’s an intruder!”

You would have cursed if your voice hadn’t been stuck.

This was bad. You were going to be cornered as soon as the next wave of Believers flocked in your direction. Then there would truly be no way out, and V would be caught, too. You would lose everything for good.

You were almost sure that you weren’t going to get out anymore. Your chest was stuffed and heavy, like the weight of the world was suddenly descending upon you once more.

You heard your name and whipped your head up, eyes meeting with Miyeon’s. Your vision was blurred as a result of the pain in your arm and the emotional turmoil wrecking your head. You were buzzed with adrenaline, frightened and breathing so quickly that you felt your head growing light.

Ray let out another cry. “Stop him!” He demanded, pulling you closer as he yelled, fingers digging even deeper into the flesh of your upper arm. “I won’t let him take you away from me! Not you! Nobody can take you away!”

His shouting, directed at you this time, was filling your head and fueling a dull ache, but the pain was easy enough to ignore amidst the rest of the chaos unfolding around you. 

It was like Miyeon was completely lost to Ray at this point. He was gripping you so tightly that your shoulder ached, and you let out a small grunt at the force he was exerting on your arm. You fought to pry his fingers off but remained unsuccessful, only increasing Ray’s desperation. It was like he was stuck to you, the iron grip around your upper arm completely unfaltering.

You had never had much of a chance at getting out of here like this. But everything was going so  _ wrong _ that you were afraid none of it would go back to normal. Even if you did make it through this, things were never going to be the same again.

V’s eyes hardened and he grit his teeth. He reached out to take hold of Miyeon’s hand, tugging at it with a gentle, yet firm resolution. “We’re getting out of here. Come on!”

They were going to leave you. A whimper fell from your lips as Miyeon hesitated, her eyes stuck on you, still trapped in place.

There was nothing they could do. You were desperate and frightened, and your thoughts were racing so quickly that you were unable to formulate any solution. You were running out of time and crumbling under the pressure. 

You were useless. Even when you tried to take another step forward, intent on wrenching your arm away with all of the force you could muster, you were yanked back once more. Ray, who had always seemed so skinny, was under such distress that he didn’t hold anything back. With every pull, your shoulder continued to suffer unfair abuse, muscles twisting awkwardly.

“No!” Ray shrieked. “Not you! Not a chance!”

Despite his clear instability, Ray was resolute. He wasn’t planning on letting you go, no matter what. He had abandoned Miyeon to V, but wouldn’t do the same to you.

You were stuck. And maybe you deserved to be.

The one thing you had been hoping for was a clear escape route. But when V had shown up, you’d done what you had been afraid of- you hesitated. It was your own fault.

“Damn!” You heard V curse and looked up to see him take a step into the hallway, pulling Miyeon with him. “This is bad-!”

A group of three Believers appeared from down the hall. Two of them immediately grabbed onto V’s arms from both sides, wrenching him away from Miyeon, while the remaining Believer took hold of her and pulled her in the opposite direction. They were considerably rougher with V than with Miyeon, but even so, her struggles weren’t enough to free herself. 

“No-!” She shouted, trying unsuccessfully to twist herself out of the Believer's hold. “V!”

“Don’t let them trick you!” You heard V plead to Miyeon. “I’ll come back and save you- no matter what!”

“Don’t give anyone that rubbish!” Ray shouted. “You’re the one lying!”

V ignored Ray’s rage completely, twisting once more, eyes locked on Miyeon. “I’ll come back! Until then, you have to stay safe!”

Ray continued to shout, too enraged to contain himself. “There is no later! Don’t you dare try to spread your lies! I won’t let you get close ever again!”

V let out a grunt and, using his height to his advantage, finally managed to twist out of the hold he’d been placed in. He disappeared out of eyesight in a flash, moving so quickly that you wondered if he had been nothing more than an illusion. The two Believers who had been shoved away regained their footing, chasing after him with speed you’d never before seen from any of the robed figures. While they had always appeared lifeless to you, they were now terrifyingly dedicated, enticing a shiver from you.

You wouldn’t want any of them chasing after you like that.

“Hurry and get him!” Ray demanded, as if they hadn’t already taken off after V. “He’s the traitor- The one our Savior was looking for! You must get him, no matter what, and take him to the Savior! Then, we can finally find peace!”

You met eyes with Miyeon once more. She was pale, you noticed, hair out of place and clothes disheveled as a result of the tussle. The second that you met eyes, she furrowed her eyebrows together, face falling into an expression depicting both defeat and concern. In that moment, you both shared a single thought.

_ You lost. _

You mouthed an apology to her, to which she shook her head in response.

Ray’s shoulders were rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath. His breathing seemed slightly hoarse, like his throat hurt from the shouting it’d just had to endure. His face was red, flushed with anger, and he looked so livid that in that moment, you were worried.

What was going to happen to you after this? What would the Savior do?

Ray wouldn’t speak ill of you to her, would he?

You were starting to come down from the high of adrenaline, and in its place a stone-cold fear began to cement your blood, setting in the pit of your stomach. You felt nauseous, sore, and exhausted, even among the frigid anticipation writhing inside of you. The room was now quiet, allowing your thoughts to run free, tormenting you with your failure.

Ray looked over at the Believer who was holding onto Miyeon. “Take the tester back to her room,” he demanded. “Make sure her rooms are guarded at all times. Nobody is to go in or out until the Savior hears of this and decides what to do.”

You and Miyeon stared at each other, holding eye contact like this was the last time you were going to see each other. She looked unsure and frightened, lips pressed together in a thin line.

You had just started to figure things out, and now you were being separated.

Her presence had brought you significant comfort. You were dreading being alone with Ray. You had no idea what you were in for, and you were already so tired both physically and emotionally that you weren’t sure if you could handle another crisis.

You’d had more than enough for the day. Your heart was heavy, shoulders starting to sag as the will to fight leaked out of you, depleting you of energy and leaving you feeling empty.

“Yes, Mr. Ray,” the Believer bowed his head. He reached for the door and tugged on the handle, allowing it to come to a shut, the lock clicking and resounding in your head like the shot of an executioner. 

And you were alone with Ray.

The second that the door shut behind them, Ray lost what was left of his composure. Another strangled shout escaped his lips as he doubled over, tears filling his eyes. Instinctively, your free hand went to try and steady Ray. He was breathing heavily, shoulders rising and falling, trembling under the weight of the emotions that seemed to be crushing him.

You were worried that he would pass out. Ray was hyperventilating, face red. His hold on you slackened enough that you were able to twist your arm free. Instead of pulling away, you moved to support him with both hands like you were trying to hold him up. Ray leaned into you heavily, like all of his strength had depleted and you were the only thing keeping him upright. Your stomach was ablaze with nerves.

You almost welcomed the distraction. You didn’t want to have to sit with your own thoughts. Somehow, it felt better to direct your attention toward Ray instead of having to focus on yourself. As long as he wasn’t angry with you, you could deal with this.

“I shouldn’t have opened the door,” his voice quivered, now reduced to a more regular volume. “Why now? Of all of the times, why now?”

Ray sounded tortured. Your heart twisted for a myriad of reasons you couldn’t quite decipher. If he was this upset after almost watching you leave, what would it do to him if you actually did disappear?

That thought made you feel unsteady and strangely ashamed. You knew that it would be hard for you to betray Ray, but you hadn’t expected to see him this worn-down and tormented. He wasn’t even blaming you.

That made it worse.

“Ray…” You tried, your own voice unstable as you fought to keep yourself as contained as possible. Your focus was turning to the man in front of you, trying to keep him from crumbling under the weight of the responsibilities and emotions that had settled on his shoulders.

But even with the whirlwind inside your head, you knew that you still needed answers. You had an excuse to ask about the RFA now, after witnessing V barging in like he had. You could try to get Ray to talk to you and clue you in on what was really going on; what exactly he had involved you in.

It was worth a shot.

“Ray,” you tried again, holding onto his arms as gently as you could, “I need to know what’s going on here. Please. You can’t keep me in the dark anymore.”

Ray met your eyes, his own filled with tears that spilled down his cheeks when he blinked. “V ruined everything I’ve prepared- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Your name fell from his lips, tumbling gently into the air of the room as he returned his focus completely to you. “Are you hurt?” Ray asked, his hands going up to your cheeks, inspecting your face. “Ah... I’m so relieved…”

He straightened up just a little bit, allowing you to let go of his arms. Ray’s hands fell from your cheeks, landing instead on your shoulders as he looked past you at the ground. “But the bottle broke. She broke it. The Savior’s going to be so angry.”

Ray’s worries were continually tumbling out of his mouth. Every time he voiced one thought, he seemed to jump directly to the next, like he was unable to keep up with everything going on in his head. Ray looked incredibly disheveled and borderline frantic, like the thought of disappointing the Savior was a nail in his coffin.

Like he was afraid of her.

You needed to calm him back down.

“I’m sure she’ll understand,” you couldn’t understand why the words were coming from your lips so easily, why you were so intent on comforting Ray. You shouldn’t have been. You should have remained as angry as you had been earlier that day.

But when you saw him like this, you faltered. Like always.

“No,” Ray shook his head, meeting your gaze again. “She said that everything would fall into place once the tester was a part of Mint Eye. That you and I could remain together without worrying. Why? Why do these things always happen when happiness is just out of my reach? I just want to make you happy. I just want to be happy with you.”

He was so genuine, so sincere in his sentiments that your heart ached for him.

“Nothing’s set in stone,” this time it was you who cupped his cheek, swiping gently at the tears cascading down his cheeks with your thumb. Ray’s skin was soft under the palm of your hand, flushed with the remnants of anger and panic. “This isn’t the end. The Savior will understand- you work harder than anyone. You can still be happy.”

What were you doing? Why were you comforting Ray like this? How could you when, not minutes ago, he was yanking you backwards, ripping apart the one chance you had at escape?

There were questions Ray needed to answer. There were things that you needed to know. He couldn’t keep everything secret from you anymore.

You were rationalizing again. You could tell by the way you rushed to try and justify your own actions and feelings, like tacking ulterior motives to consoling Ray would make the feelings in your chest disappear. 

“You can still be happy,” you repeated, gathering your resolve. “We both can. But in order for that to happen, you can’t keep me in the dark anymore, Ray. No more secrets.”

Ray’s eyebrows furrowed together. His hands flew up to yours, still resting on his cheeks, and gripped them tightly. “You’re not- You still trust me, right? You won’t believe the RFA and V over me, will you?”

The same desperation was flooding back into his voice, and Ray slowly grew louder once more. You noticed his eyes growing panicked again, searching your own with such fear that your determination began to crumble. He was on the verge of falling off of a cliff, and your questions weren’t helping. You had to decide whether pushing at this moment was worth the risk of him plunging over the edge.

Your heart twisted in your chest. You were weak; you couldn’t do that to him, and you knew it.

“Everything I did was because the Savior told me I needed to,” Ray continued, a fresh wave of tears rolling down his cheeks and meeting the skin of your hands. “She said it was necessary for everything to go smoothly. I’m sorry for lying to you. But please don’t doubt me- please.”

His words were reduced to little more than whimpers, his eyes locked on yours, glassy and pleading for your understanding. You were stuck, unable to speak. You wanted to keep pushing, to use this to your advantage, but you couldn’t.

You had settled too far into your role. Whether you wanted to believe it or not, you cared about Ray. You had hesitated in the moment that escape was right in front of your eyes. You had never wanted to betray him, but you never thought that your concern for Ray would stop you from grasping at freedom. You were willing to sacrifice yourself so that you wouldn’t have to see him in pain. 

_ Why?  _

“Just rest for tonight,” Ray pulled your hands away from his cheeks, gathering them in his own with a firm, but trembling hold. He sounded defeated. “I have to go report this to the Savior. I don’t really want to leave you right now. I’m anxious, and really sad. But if I don’t report to her, something worse might happen.”

Mint eyes were locked onto yours, pleading for reassurance. “I can trust you, right? I can trust that you won’t betray me?”

You forced a smile, and weak though it was, it was enough to give you the illusion of control. “I came here for you, right? Just like you’ve always said. I’ll be here when you get back. I promise.”

Those promises were so easy for you to make. You didn’t even know if you believed yourself anymore. You thought one thing but said something completely different. Were you telling the truth? Did you even have it in you to betray him? You had already tried, and you failed.

Would you keep failing? Would you keep falling deeper? 

Your words seemed to bring at least some comfort to Ray. A sigh fell from his lips, like he’d been holding his breath. “I want you to feel safe,” he managed. “This is so difficult.”

“I know,” it was so easy for you to empathize with him. Saying what he wanted to hear was becoming so automatic that you wondered if you had started genuinely wanting to comfort him for reasons that weren’t as selfish as you’d originally thought. But you continued anyway, trying to ignore the nagging voice in your head, berating you for letting everything get so out of hand. “I know you’re trying. We can talk when you get back, okay? I’ll be here.”

Ray nodded. He shut his eyes and took a breath, squeezing your hands like he was trying to gather his composure. When his eyes opened back up, they seemed a little less teary. “Yes. I should go to the Savior. She’ll be able to tell me what to do. Just give me a minute, okay? I’ll be back.”

You nodded, but he continued anyway, rambling like he so often did. 

“Don’t think of anything sad while I’m gone,” Ray pleaded. “I’ll get going and get my answers from the Savior. I have to get that traitor, too. I have to do something before he comes for you again. No matter what. I’ll keep you safe. So stay here, and don’t go anywhere. You have to be here when I get back.”

“I’ll be here,” you insisted. “Just like always. So don’t worry too much.”

Ray took another breath before finally letting go of your hands, which had grown somewhat clammy. He looked at you hard for a few seconds, like he was trying to burn you into his brain. It was like he truly believed that you might disappear while he was gone, that this was the last time he would ever see you. The vulnerability in Ray’s eyes was thick, so much so that it was almost tangible, and it swam around openly, allowing you to witness just how much he wanted for you to remain here, in this little room.

And you knew that you would. At least for this moment, you couldn’t imagine the ways that Ray would fall apart if you did find a way to leave. His yelling from earlier was stuck in your head, playing on repeat. He had sounded so pained, so strangled that your chest ached for him. You wanted to make it better. You didn’t want Ray to suffer, and you didn’t understand why you felt that way. None of it made sense to you anymore.

Why did your heart ache so much at seeing the vulnerability in his eyes?

Your body moved on its own. You stepped forward, closing the space between the two of you, and gently wrapped your arms around Ray in a loose embrace, letting your forehead rest on his shoulder. Immediately, you were surrounded by the same floral scent that you had come to associate with him, and the warmth he exuded was enough to chase away some of the frigidity in the cold room. After a few seconds, you felt Ray return the embrace, though much tighter than you, holding you close to him like you were about to disappear. He tucked his head into the juncture of your neck, the strands of his hair brushing against your cheek and shoulder, tickling the skin where it could reach. Ray’s breath was warm against your neck when he sighed, almost eliciting a shiver. At that moment, you were pressed against him so tightly that you almost felt like you would melt into him.

You would never understand how you were able to find any solace after what had just happened, but it was hard to ignore the feelings of comfort that you found through the exchange. In that moment, even you didn’t want to let go.

The embrace went on for a little longer than you’d intended it to. The seconds ticked by, and you felt painfully aware of the passing of time but didn’t make any move to pull away. You allowed Ray to keep you close for as long as he wanted, hoping that he was able to find some sort of respite.

When Ray finally did pull back a little, raising his head slowly to meet your eyes, his face was flushed from ear to ear, lips bashful but still not upturned. His hair was still mussed but he looked a little bit less wild; a little bit less like he thought he was about to lose everything he held dear. It appeared that Ray felt a little bit calmer, and that on its own allowed a strange feeling of content to settle in your chest, like you’d finally done something that you could be proud of. 

You pulled your hands away from where they had been resting on Ray’s back and lifted one to smooth down some of his bangs, which had gotten tousled when he’d hidden his face in your shoulder earlier. You gently combed your fingers through the dry strands, feeling the warmth of his flushed skin against your fingertips as he did so.

Finally, a small smile tugged on his lips, and you mirrored the action, letting your hand fall once more. As if spurred on by sudden confidence, Ray took hold of your hand before it fell to your side, and lifted it back up. He pressed his lips against the back of your hand softly, planting a tender kiss on your knuckles in silent thanks. It was your turn to flush. You felt surprisingly bashful, but not uncomfortable in the way you would have if it were two weeks prior.

Still, not a word was said. The chaos of earlier seemed to be retreating, pulling back faster than you’d expected, and you found that some of your malicious thoughts had settled back down. You knew that you were only finding respite in temporary comfort, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to stop anymore. All you knew was that Ray felt better and so did you, and that the room was a little bit colder without his arms around you.

Perhaps you had already plunged into the abyss a long time ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's weird- when I first started this story, I was afraid to move away from the canon content. The entire first chapter was basically a rewrite of the bad ending itself, and I was super nervous to have to try characterizing and developing my own story. But now, after 90k words, I was actually more nervous to go back to writing mostly canon content again. I tried to make it engaging and to expand on it a little bit so it didn't feel like the exact same as the visual novel from the game, so I hope that helped a little bit. It was weird because while I was rewatching the visual novel, I realized that they just stood around talking for a while when MC could have just made a break for it instead of waiting for Ray to grab her. I was like "girl..." but you know, plot and all that. I also got my first actual bad ending while playing Mystic Messenger today (I'm weak and hate being mean) and it was a wild ride. 
> 
> You know, I found a TikTok that mentioned fics on ao3 about the bad endings for the mystic messenger characters and it kind of made me realize- I watch a lot of TikToks (but don't make any because no confidence) and follow several MM accounts, and I was wondering how I would feel if any of them read this fic lmaoo. It would almost be like people I know reading my work. It was conflicting.
> 
> Anyways-- I really hope that this was still interesting to read. I loved writing the part at the end. I had so much fun exploring the reader and Ray's emotions and adding a new layer of depth to their relationship. I won't give away too much of my analysis just yet, as I want to see my readers' opinions too, but just know that I do put a lot of thought and meaning behind these interactions, and how and when they happen. I hope it's realistic and engaging. :)
> 
> Thank you as always to everyone who took the time to leave Kudos/comments on the last chapter. It's so exciting to hear from everyone and watch the response to this fic. I truly love writing it, and seeing the reactions of my readers is such a joy. I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to comment. I read each and every word and always try my best to engage with everyone. It makes my day to hear what you guys have to say. So if you have any thoughts, even if it's just a word or two, please feel free to comment. Know that I love every single comment that I get. <3 
> 
> Take care everyone, and please stay safe. I'm not sure how many of you are in the US/any highly affected area and going back to school soon, but I really hope you guys stay as healthy as you can. This is all very worrying and I truly hope that everyone and their loved ones remain vigilant and healthy. Take care and have a wonderful weekend! <3


	13. Regroup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you're given information, some new and some not, and gain fresh insight into the anger that fuels Mint Eye.

You had planned on waiting up for Ray to return. He had left you alone in the workroom, as usual. The silence had been thick and unfamiliar, strange after the chaos that had unfolded earlier in the night. It was almost too quiet. The smell of chemicals was rather strong in the room, as the glass shards from the elixir remained sitting in the puddle of mint liquid, glinting amidst the dim lighting from the computer screens. The sight was uncomfortable; every time you looked at it, you were reminded of your experience under the elixir’s influence. So you kept your eyes averted and tried not to focus too much on the lingering scent of battery acid that sat in the back of your mind.

Your body quickly grew heavy and tired. You had been awake all day, going through crisis after crisis, and had completely depleted your reserves of energy. You quickly began yawning, eyes watering as you did so, and your eyelids slowly grew heavier and heavier. The room was colder than usual, and the chill seeped through your skin and into your bones, settling in your core. Your mind was quickly becoming putty as you grew more exhausted. You eventually resigned yourself to your fate; you were tired and needed sleep. You wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything if you passed out later.

Still, there were things you needed to talk about with Ray, and you didn’t want to wait until the morning. You didn’t know how the Savior would react to what happened tonight, and you wanted to ensure you got as many answers as you could before she convinced Ray to keep you in the dark. If something bad was going to happen, or if you were in any trouble, you wanted to know as soon as possible. So, you needed to make sure you would wake up when Ray got back.

You wandered into your bedroom. Your phone, which you hardly used and often forgot about, was sitting atop your nightstand and next to the flower that Ray had threaded in your hair the previous night. You weren’t sure why you kept it, but you hadn’t wanted to get rid of it. It was wilting quickly, unable to survive without water or light, and the once vibrant petals were a dimmer purple than they had been before. You pressed your lips together, staring blankly at the flower for a few seconds before you forced yourself to move again. Your mind was lagging.

Your eyes fell to your bed. There was a thick comforter on top and a thinner sheet underneath. You peeled back the comforter, which was a little too thick for what you were planning on using it for, and wrestled the sheet out from where you had tucked it in this morning. You draped it over your shoulders, allowing the fabric to surround you like a cape, cocooning you in gentle cotton. After grabbing your phone, you made your way back out to the workroom and settled in your chair, trying to find a comfortable position to rest in.

You turned on your phone screen for just a second, and were surprised to see that you’d received a few messages.

**Ray:**

I miss you already...

**Ray:**

I hope you think only of happy things

and get some rest.

**Ray:**

I’ll talk with the Savior and come back

soon. 

You stared at the screen for a few seconds, reading over Ray’s words a couple times more. They had been sent about ten minutes ago. You imagined that he was likely busy talking with the Savior now, but you responded anyways, typing out a brief reassurance that you would be in the room and that Ray should take his time.

It wasn’t like you could really go anywhere anyway, but you kept that sentiment to yourself.

You shut the screen back off and placed the phone face-down on the desk. At times like this, it would have been nice to have access to the Internet or to social media so you could scroll aimlessly through a series of posts that you didn’t really care about. It was mindless and calming, a previous bedtime ritual that you’d had to give up since coming to Magenta. You found yourself wondering what was going on in the world. You had only been gone for a little less than a month, but it felt like longer to you. You knew that society had continued functioning without you and that people were continuing on with their lives, completely unaware of your absence. You were a single person with no great impact; nobody knew that you were gone. The sun would continue to rise and fall every day regardless of what was going on with you, trapped among the shadows Magenta. Current events carried no relevance to you anymore. You didn’t have enough space in your head to truly care, but every so often, you were just a little curious. 

Maybe someday you would find out again. Maybe you would earn yourself a spot in society once more. But for now, that was too grand of a thought for you to entertain. 

You readjusted the blanket around you, slowly growing more comfortable as the warmth it provided chased away some of the frigidity of the room. Your exhaustion mingled with the comfort of the blanket, adding more weight to your already heavy eyelids. You folded your arms atop the desk and laid your head down, sighing heavily into the cotton sheet that had bundled up around you. 

Sleeping on a desk wasn’t the most cozy setup, but you were exhausted enough that this would serve your purposes just fine. You were sure that your muscles would complain before too long, but you didn’t have it in you to care. Even as your shoulder throbbed, still reeling from the abuse it had suffered, you didn’t bother to keep readjusting your position. Too much had happened today, and you needed a break from it all. Even if sleep was only a temporary respite, it was something, enough to allow you to regroup and try to start over again. It was like hitting a reset button, providing you an opportunity to wash away some of the residual effects of the rollercoaster that you had been riding all day.

Just as you thought that maybe you should have taken a pillow with you, your mind faded away into unconsciousness, allowing the steady darkness of sleep to quiet your mind for the first time in almost twenty-four hours.

The next time that you registered being awake, you were so groggy that you thought you might have still been sleeping. The fog in your head was thick, hazing your mind and slowing your thoughts. Your head felt heavy on your arms, the blanket that you’d wrapped around yourself cocooning you in a warmth that almost had you drifting right back to sleep. The sound of the door closing and locking shut was faint, far away, and barely noticeable. 

You were so  _ tired.  _ You didn’t want to move at all, despite how your back ached from being slumped over so awkwardly. Your body was too heavy and your eyelids remained glued shut. Fighting the temptation of sleep was quickly becoming a losing battle. You were vaguely aware that there was something you had wanted to do, but you weren’t able to remember what.

You likely would have fallen back asleep immediately and forgotten about this brief awakening if it weren’t for the brushing of something against your forehead. A few of your baby hairs tickled your skin, the sensation drawing you back out of the depths of your mind. Everything around you seemed a little bit more real this time, but the humming of computers still tried to lull you back to sleep. Your eyes remained shut, but you sighed lightly, burying your head a little bit more into the crook of your arms to shut the world back out.

You heard a slight chuckle, which you were barely able to register through the haze of sleep that clouded your senses.

“Cute. You look like an angel…” the whisper was tender, affectionate, and very familiar to you. It was accompanied by another brushing of fabric against your cheek.

_ Ray. _

Everything flooded back to you in an instant. You remembered where you had fallen asleep and why you had done so. You managed to wrench your eyelids open, lifting your head up despite having to exude considerable effort to do so. Your neck ached at the sudden movement, stiff after having been in such an uncomfortable position for so long.

You met eyes with Ray, trying to blink the sleep out of your vision. He was kneeled down beside you, and pulled back the hand that had been caressing the apple of your cheek. The pink dusting of his skin deepened a little bit at seeing you awake, and the small smile on his face rounded to a look of surprise, like he hadn’t expected you to shoot up so suddenly.

“Ah,” Ray sounded bashful as he looked. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

The glare of the computer screens was considerably brighter to your tired eyes than normal. The room felt heavy somehow. It was quiet in the hallway, so it must have still been nighttime. You glanced at one of the screens, proudly displaying that it was just past two in the morning. You had only been asleep for an hour or so; too long to be considered a nap, but not long enough for you to gain any energy. No wonder you felt so groggy. An hour wasn’t anywhere near enough for you to recover from the tumultuous day you’d experienced.

But that wasn’t the point. A yawn bubbled up your throat, but you tried to push it away. There were things that you needed to do. Sleep could come later.

You rubbed at your eyes absentmindedly, hoping the action would both wake you up and clear your clouded vision a little bit. “I wasn’t,” you responded before clearing your throat. Your voice sounded thick and exhausted, even to you. “I was tired, but I wanted to talk to you when you got back, so I slept out here.”

Ray’s smile returned as if the idea of you wanting to speak with him so badly was pleasing. “I’m glad you waited for me,” he admitted, voice laden with affection. “But if you’re tired, you should sleep. I don’t want you to strain your body and get sick. It’s not good for you to sleep at the desk.”

Like he was one to talk.

You stretched your stiff arms up in the air a little bit, forcing your muscles to move despite their protests. The action gave you a bit of energy, like limbering your body pushed away some of the fatigue that was plaguing you so unrelentingly. In response to Ray, you shook your head, letting your arms fall back down to your lap. “No, I’m okay. I thought it would be better to talk sooner rather than later. I’m awake now, anyway.”

Ray didn’t push the matter any further. He stood back up and pulled his own chair a little bit closer, settling into the seat. As he did so, you noticed that some of your energy was finally beginning to return to you, albeit slowly. Maybe that hour of sleep had done more good than you’d expected.

“How do you feel?” Ray’s question brought your attention back to him. You met his eyes, which were trained on you like you were the only thing in the world with any importance. He had only been gone for an hour, but he was looking at you as if it had been days.

Ray seemed calmer than he had been before leaving, which was good. Hopefully, that meant that you could get away with trying to pry about V and the RFA. You weren’t sure how much he would give up, especially after having already been subjected to the Savior’s words of wisdom, but it couldn’t hurt to try.

You just didn't know how to bring it up without exciting Ray too much again. Though he didn’t seem angry, you didn’t want to change that by asking reckless questions about something that obviously upset him easily.

“I’m fine,” you grabbed the blanket, which had bunched up around your waist, and pulled it back over your shoulders to cocoon yourself again. “What about you?”

Ray continued to gaze at you, cheeks still dusted a gentle, rosy pink. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he said. “I spoke with the Savior and she helped me figure out what to do.”

There was a short pause, and Ray hesitated. You could tell that there was something on his mind by the way he glanced towards the mess of glass and elixir on the ground, which had yet to be cleaned. His eyebrows drew together a little bit, like the sight reminded him of the events that had taken place just over an hour ago. You sat quietly, trying to remain patient while waiting for Ray to gather his thoughts and express them to you.

It didn’t take him too long. Everything seemed to bubble to the surface at once, spilling over.

“I’m sorry…” Ray finally spoke. He had looked back up at you, shoulders slumping once again. “I’m sorry that you saw all of that. That you had to hear those lies. If I had noticed that traitor was here, this never would have happened… It’s my fault.”

Ray sounded genuinely remorseful. His voice was thick with emotions so sincere that his words felt heavier than usual. You wondered what was going on in his head, what he wasn’t telling you that weighed him down so much.

“It’s not your fault,” your counter was gentle, but firm. “You can’t be everywhere at once, Ray. And you really don’t have to worry about me. He didn’t hurt me.”

Ray shook his head. “No,” he insisted. “I brought you here to make you happy, but that traitor’s trying to take you away from me. All I want is to be happy together with you in Paradise, but he’s a bug that won’t stop trying to ruin my life. All he does is cause suffering, and he’s telling you lies to get you on his side. I won’t ever let him near you again, so you can’t believe a word he said.”

You had a feeling that Ray was about to embark on a very long tangent, and rushed to intercept this train of thought before it spiraled out of control.

“I won’t,” you reassured him quickly. “I promise. But- you’re talking about V, right? Isn’t he a member of the RFA? I thought they were just game characters.”

Ray tensed up again, a sigh falling from his lips. He looked conflicted and uncomfortable, but you took that as a good sign. If he was hesitating, then there was a part of him that wanted to tell you. That was a huge difference from the first time you had brought up the game so many weeks ago, when he had dissolved into tears at the idea of sharing your attention.

This was an opening that you had to take.

“Please, Ray,” you pushed a little bit more. “You can’t keep me in the dark like this anymore. If I know the truth, wouldn’t I be able to protect myself better?”

It felt a little dirty to use Ray’s worrying about you to your advantage, but you didn’t have much of a choice. You needed to get through to him. It would be so much easier if the gap between the two of you was lessened, even just a little bit. You wouldn’t have to hide your knowledge or calculate every word to ensure you weren’t giving anything away. You could move a little bit more freely.

You wanted Ray to trust you more, even if only a little bit.

Ray finally met your eyes again, eyebrows furrowed. “ _ I  _ can protect you,” he insisted. “I know that I failed tonight by letting that traitor get so close to you, but I can still protect you. I can be strong enough for you.”

You almost cringed, aware that you had chosen your words incorrectly, and rushed to correct your mistake before Ray got more worked up. “I know you can. I wasn’t trying to imply that you can’t protect me. But we’re on the same side. Wouldn’t it be better if I knew the truth, especially after he already tried to lie to me?”

Ray looked into your eyes for a few silent seconds. His apprehension shone brightly amidst pools of mint. You knew that Ray was dedicated to the Savior and to Mint Eye’s secrets, but you had also witnessed him abandon his duties to Miyeon in order to keep you by his side. If there was any chance that you could get him to spill something, it would be through utilizing your relationship with him. 

It was wrong, and you knew that. But it was all that you had. You couldn’t afford to sit around, waiting for an ethical option. You would be waiting for the rest of your life.

Ray sighed again, as if finally relenting. “Okay.” 

After sparing a quick glance toward the door, Ray scooted his chair closer to yours, brushing his knee against your own and leaning in a little bit closer. When he spoke next, his voice was lowered, like he was afraid somebody would overhear. 

“I’m not supposed to talk about this,” Ray was quiet, but seemed resigned to his decision. His eyes were intense, locked onto yours. “The Savior would get so mad if she knew. Please keep it a secret.”

You wondered, not for the first time, what the Savior got out of manipulating Ray so much. It was hard to ignore the frustration brewing in your stomach but you pushed it aside to focus on what was really important. You could think about her later.

“I promise,” you responded, lowering your own voice to match Ray’s.

He seemed somewhat comforted by your words, but it was obvious that Ray was still apprehensive. He fiddled with the hems of his gloves nervously, twisting the fabric between his fingers like he was trying to figure out where to start.

“Before the Savior founded this place,” Ray finally began, “she knew V. The traitor. He caused her so much agony that she had to run away and form this place. You’ve already been told that Mint Eye is a haven for weak people, where we can live on our own without having to worry about being trampled under the feet of people like V. But one of Mint Eye’s other goals is to exact revenge upon V for the suffering that the Savior had to endure.”

You could have guessed that much. Ray hesitated again, looking back over at the door as if consumed by paranoia. His voice had trailed off into silence as he sat stiffly, gritting his teeth. 

It looked like he was ready to throw in the towel. You felt a familiar pool of desperation filling your stomach, leaking into your blood. You couldn’t let him stop here- this was what you had been working for.

You were just starting to get somewhere.

You didn’t have to think hard before deciding your next move. You reached over to grab onto one of Ray’s hands. His attention fell back to you as soon as you gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He gathered your hand in both of his own, holding onto it tightly as if it was a lifeline keeping him rooted in reality. 

As much as you wanted the information, you couldn’t deny that there was a part of you that longed to comfort Ray, too. You were sure that whatever he was thinking about was painful, if the downtrodden look in his eyes wasn’t enough to clue you in. It was hard to see him suffer, and you felt exceptionally slimy for pushing Ray to relive painful memories just for your own benefit.

But what else could you do? Mint Eye had taken away all of your other options. If they played dirty, you would have to, too. 

The only difference was that you had a conscience. You would feel bad, even if you knew rationally that this was something that you had to do.

“Go ahead,” you urged, scooting a little bit closer so that you didn’t have to keep your arm quite as extended. “Nobody’s there. It’s just us.”

Ray ran his gloved thumbs over your knuckles, tracing the ridges gently like he had so many times before. “I’m not even allowed to think about my life before coming here,” he finally said. “But I used to know V, too. I knew him when I was younger. Back then, I trusted him because he pretended to take care of me when everybody else left me behind. But he just lied to me and abandoned me. That was right before I was brought here and saved. If it wasn’t for the Savior, I would have completely given up. I was in so much pain…”

The memories seemed to be haunting Ray. His grip on your hand steadily tightened, though not to the point of becoming painful. 

You had to make an effort to keep a straight face as you registered Ray’s words.

You hadn’t expected that V and Ray had known each other. Though Ray’s descriptions of his past had been vague, he spoke so emotionally that you could tell the hurt that he experienced had stayed with him, coloring the lens out of which he viewed the world. If V was a part of the suffering that Ray experienced, then it made sense to you why he despite the mint-haired man so much. You were starting to understand why Ray didn’t want V anywhere near you.

You hardly knew V at all, so it was hard for you to form your own opinion of him. Ray hated the man, but Miyeon spoke very highly of him. She very clearly trusted V a lot, and he had blown his cover to save her. You trusted Miyeon so, through extension, you realized that you had trusted V, too. Once again, the narratives you were being fed were conflicting. 

This wasn’t clearing anything up for you.

“I don’t want you to be in that kind of pain,” Ray met your gaze again, the sentiments he was expressing to you so genuine they were almost tangible. “I would rather take all of your pain myself than watch you suffer the way that I did. That kind of life is no better than that of a bug. At least here, at Mint Eye, I’m useful. I can hack and do what the Savior wants me to do. But back then, I was just an airhead; good-for-nothing. I don’t want V to lie to you the way that he lied to me. He’ll only hurt you if you believe him.”

You weren’t completely sure how to respond. This knowledge changed a lot. Every time you learned something new, the dynamics of this situation only became more confusing. This was far from an exception. You knew that Ray had lived a painful life, especially after hearing him describe some of the abuse he’d received from his mother, but you didn’t know that V had been involved, too.

Everything about Mint Eye was personal. Both Ray and the Savior wanted vengeance for themselves and were using Mint Eye as a medium through which to exact their revenge. This cult had never been about salvation and paradise; that was all only a front. And V was at the center of everything.

None of this was sitting right with you.

It was clear to you that Ray was being taken advantage of by the Savior. Some of his words seemed to be repetitions of what he’d heard- that he was only useful for hacking, or that his only purpose was to work for Mint Eye and bow to his Savior’s every whim. Ray had no qualms with doing bad things for her, but you knew that there was more to him than that. After having spent so much time with Ray, you had seen him during his softer moments, especially when he was with you. When he held your hand, talked about the languages of flowers as he threaded one through your hair, and cried to you after having nightmares, you saw a little bit more of his genuine nature. Ray was tender; you wanted to believe that.

Your heart ached at the thought that someone could have twisted a person so much that they felt they had no other option than to dedicate themselves completely to a place like Magenta. Ray could have been so much more, but you weren’t sure if you could ever get him to believe that. 

So, for now, you settled on just trying to comfort him. If nothing else, you could at least try to help him feel a little bit more secure.

“I’m sorry,” you eventually spoke, voice quiet amidst the silence that had settled in the room. “I’m sorry you’ve suffered so much, Ray. You don’t deserve it.”

Ray shook his head, eyes fixated on your hand as he held it in his own. “I’m not supposed to talk about this,” he repeated. “The Savior doesn’t like it when I do. But I want you to know me. Even though I’m scared that you’ll find me as useless and stupid as everybody else and want to leave me, I still want you to know about me.”

That was your in.

“I do want to know about you,” you smiled at Ray, your words prompting him to look back up at you. “I’m really curious. That’s why I was saying that I don’t want there to be so many secrets anymore. It’s easier to work through these things when you’re not alone. And now that I’m here, you’re not alone anymore. So you can talk to me.”

The tips of Ray’s ears were growing as pink as his cheeks. He continued to gaze at you wordlessly, but it was obvious that he was moved by your words, his eyes glazing over.

“So, please talk to me,” you pushed. “Tell me what’s going on, so that I can be on the same page as you. Why do you need someone to chat with the RFA?”

You hoped that it was enough. And for once, the universe came in clutch.

“The Savior wants to bring the RFA to Mint Eye,” Ray finally responded. “She wants to save the innocent people being exposed to V’s lies. That’s why we needed somebody unbiased to chat with the RFA and host a party. The party will give us the opportunity to bring the members here to Paradise.”

_ Oh. _

You should have guessed, really. 

It was hard for you to keep a straight face throughout Ray’s explanation. A familiar, sick feeling was starting to pool in your stomach again, the same way it had when you learned that Ray was targeting Miyeon.

Some of the gaps in the story were being filled, but you still didn’t feel like this was everything. Why would the Savior care so much about the RFA members? They were completely uninvolved.

That woman had started a cult, brainwashed and drugged countless vulnerable people, and was planning not only on exacting revenge, but also on bringing more innocent people to this nightmare?

When would it end? When would enough be enough?

The Savior would never be satisfied. This would never stop. And you were right in the middle of all of this, expected to help further her selfish cause when it went against everything that you believed in.

You took a breath, trying to steady your thoughts. It wouldn’t do you any good to get carried away just yet.

“I see,” you said. “So, our job is to make sure all of the RFA members except for V come to Magenta?”

At your question, Ray’s face suddenly twisted into an angry scowl, his grip on your hand tightening. Your heart skipped a beat at the sudden, intense change in demeanor.

Shit. had you said the wrong thing?

“No,” mint eyes met your own, suddenly enraged. “Not all of them. That redhead will never have a place here.”

You could have hit yourself.  _ Of course.  _ In your exhaustion, you’d completely forgotten about Seven. The same accusations littered his information sheet in the file cabinet a few feet away. Ray had made several snide remarks about him under his breath while reading the logs. He had made it obvious that he hated Seven, but it had still slipped your mind.

Ray’s face was flushed with anger. You had been careless.

But you were on a roll. You had learned more in the past few minutes than you had during your entire stay at Magenta so far. If you just pushed a little more; if you were just a little bit greedier, you might be able to find out something else.

You hesitated for a second but ultimately decided to continue prodding a little more.

“Why not?” You were as careful as you were hesitant, shoulders tensed up with apprehension.

“He abandoned me,” Ray practically spat the words out, losing his composure in the heat of anger. “He’s worse than V. All he does is lie while living a perfect life, after leaving me to suffer alone. He’s the worst there is.”

Your heart was thudding in your chest as you registered the implications of his words. No wonder Ray was so angry.

His history with Seven was even more personal than it had been with V. This was anger that ran even deeper; one that had been festering for years after leaving emotional wounds that clearly hadn’t healed yet. Amidst Ray’s fury was an obvious pain, red and raw, that he had been nursing for a very long time.

You could only imagine that, given the abuse that Ray had suffered, any abandonment would be seen as a magnified betrayal. No wonder he was so angry. In his eyes, he’d been left to rot in an environment that brought nothing but suffering.

No wonder he was so afraid of losing you.

“That liar will never be welcome in Paradise. Not after what he did” Ray hissed. You noticed that his eyes were beginning to look glassy, slowly filling with tears once more, and you suddenly felt guilty that you had brought this up in the first place.   
  


Ray’s shoulders were trembling. His jaw was clenched tight, nostrils flared with fury. Something in your chest twisted uncomfortably at seeing Ray like this. You had done this to him by prying.

_ Enough. _ You had pushed enough for tonight. You had gotten more information tonight than you’d expected. There was no point in prodding at wounds that hadn’t fully healed. 

“Okay,” you squeezed Ray’s hands gently, hoping to pull him back out of the memories that he was fixated on. “Okay, I understand. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

A few tears rolled down Ray’s cheeks, leaving trails of moisture that glistened as the light of the monitors hit them. A shaky, quivering breath left his lips, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds, as if trying to ground himself. After a few seconds, Ray looked back at you. His anger was fading to something softer and more desperate, leaving him looking pitiful in the dark of night.

“Everyone who I’ve trusted always left,” he told you. “But not you. You can’t leave me.”

Not for the first time, a wave of guilt washed over you. You had been planning on betraying him all along; you already had been, right under his nose. Seeing Ray like this only intensified your shame, because you knew he would be reduced to this state again, if not worse, when the day came that you weren’t beside him anymore.

He would be alone. You would occupy the same role in Ray’s life as V and Seven. You would be the liar, the traitor, and the hypocrite. But what could you do? 

Lying was getting harder. The weight of your words was increasing with time, threatening to suffocate you until your lips turned blue. But you forced yourself to speak anyways. 

What other choice did you have? 

“I won’t,” you reassured him. “I trust you, so trust me too, okay?”

The few tears that had slipped out of Ray’s eyes gathered at his chin, and he raised one of his hands to wipe them away. He remained quiet for a few seconds, looking at you like he was thinking hard about something but wasn’t quite sure how to bring it up. 

Finally, Ray seemed to make up his mind. Mint eyes met your own, slightly red from crying.

“What you did earlier…” he sounded hesitant still, but pushed himself to continue. “You did that because you like me, right?”

For a second, you were confused. 

What  _ had  _ you done earlier? 

So many things had happened throughout the day, and his question was vague enough that it took you a little bit of thinking to figure out what he was talking about. 

_ Wait. _

The hug. That’s what he meant. 

“Oh,” you raised your eyebrows, trying to act like you weren’t feeling a little bashful that he’d brought it up so suddenly. “I- yeah. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t like you.”

Ray’s cheeks turned a deeper red. “Ah. I’m really happy to hear you say that…” He averted his eyes for a second, pressing his lips together tightly. “Can- can you do it again? If it’s okay?” 

You were caught off guard for a multitude of reasons. 

The two of you had devised an unspoken rule where every time your relationship seemed to grow a little deeper physically, you wouldn’t talk about it. The occasional forehead kisses weren’t accompanied by words, the hand-holding was automatic, and he never mentioned threading flowers in your hear again. You had expected the same after you hugged him. It was easier for you to initiate affection towards Ray in the moment, without really thinking it through. But now, Ray had made a conscious effort to bring it up by specifically requesting for you to hug him again.

You were embarrassed. The urge to pull the blanket over your head and hide away from Ray’s eyes was sudden and hard to ignore. You were awkward, this was awkward, and you weren’t sure how to respond.

But Ray was looking at you so earnestly, his face red and bashful, and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to say no without feeling terrible about it later.

So you pulled your hands out of Ray’s slackened grip and scooted your chair closer to him. You weren’t quite sure how to initiate the gesture, but Ray didn’t seem to care. He may as well have crashed into you, wrapping his arms around your back and burying his head into your shoulder, hair tickling your neck. It was clumsy but genuine, and his initiation made you feel a bit more comfortable in returning the embrace. You rested one of your hands on his back, the other one going up to his head, threading your fingers through his hair in a way that you hoped was comforting. The gentle scratching of your nails on Ray’s scalp evoked a shiver from him, causing him to tighten his hold on you.

The embrace was desperate on his part. Ray’s arms were tight around you, but not in a way that caused you to feel any pain. It seemed to you like he hadn’t gotten enough comfort throughout his life, and you didn’t mind providing him with some consolation. There was a warmth in your chest that was hard to ignore, bringing with it a strange solace that you didn’t often feel. 

You felt strangely comfortable. Remembering the times where you were unsettled simply by holding Ray’s hand was strange. Those days felt far away, like they were from a time long ago. You had evolved from shying away from his touch to allowing him to practically bury himself in your embrace at nearly three in the morning.

A few locks of Ray’s hair tangled themselves around your fingers as you continued to mindlessly thread them through the bleached strands. You knew that you should be worried. You were allowing Ray to depend on you more and more, and had started to find comfort in him, as well. You had already hesitated when the chance of escape was staring you straight in the face. It had only been a handful of weeks, but you were already so wrapped up in complexities that if you pushed even a little bit more, you might never be able to untangle yourself again.

But, as you slowly grew more relaxed with Ray’s arms around you, you found that in the moment, you were much too tired to care.

* * *

The next day was a break in your routine in several different ways.

You had slept far later than usual. By the time your eyes opened for long enough to allow you the time to get out of bed, it was already noon. Your body still felt heavy, like hours of sleep weren’t enough to replenish your energy the way you’d hoped. And you felt that if you laid back down, you would still be able to sleep a little more. 

But, you thought, you couldn’t do that. There were things to do, and you needed to get up and remain as productive as you could.

The next thing that was different was that you were no longer permitted to meet with Miyeon anymore, a fact that Ray had informed you of before you went to bed the previous night. Disappointed though you were, you had seen it coming. There was the urge within you to throw a tantrum in a desperate attempt to get your way, but you knew it wouldn’t do you any good. Ray was stubborn, and you were well aware that he wouldn’t be changing his mind about this.

“It’s too risky,” he had told you when your face fell. “She believes in V’s lies. I don’t want her to try spreading them to you.”

You contained your complaints. Right now, you were lucky enough to still be standing here after the trouble that you’d been involved in the night before. You wanted to meet Miyeon; there was a lot that you’d learned that she needed to know. But even if you could convince Ray to let you see her, you doubted that he’d leave you alone in the room with her. So it didn’t matter either way.

What you could do was try to keep digging where you could. Now that Ray was opening up a little bit, you could try to coax the floodgates open a little bit more. As upsetting as it was that you couldn’t share information with your partner anymore, you figured that for now, you could do more good in your current position. You would just have to do your best to ensure that Miyeon didn’t get in any trouble. Her ceremony had already been postponed, so you had a little bit more time. You just needed to utilize it well.

So, while your thoughts were with Miyeon, hoping that she was safe in her room, you kept yourself as busy as you could with Ray, trying to glean any information out of him that you could.

Ray had been extremely rattled by V’s appearance the night before. His already fragile emotional stability had been upset, and his way of keeping himself sane was to work even harder than he already had been. When you had gotten up that day, you entered the workroom to see something that you hadn’t expected.

  
As usual, Ray was in his chair at the desk, focused on something on his computer screen. His eyebrows were furrowed together in concentration, fingers dancing over the keyboard with both speed and precision. Pulled up on his main monitor was what looked to be a bunch of code, too complicated and unfamiliar for you to even attempt to decipher. Ray’s typing was aggressive, and he was sitting up straight in his seat, concentrated enough that he didn’t immediately notice you entering the room.

While he continued typing away, still oblivious to your presence, you took notice of a few more things.

The mess of elixir and glass had been cleaned up. The floor was spotless, leaving no trace that the chemical compound had been sitting atop it for hours on end. You felt a bit more relaxed at that. Even the sight of the elixir was able to bring back powerful, unpleasant memories that you would rather not think about. 

Even the thought of that bright mint liquid made you shudder. You couldn’t help remembering the way it burned its way through your body, lighting your mouth, throat, and stomach on fire and relentlessly allowing you to burn with fever and illness for hours on end.

You were glad that the mess was gone.

When you pulled out your chair to sit down, you noticed something unfamiliar on the surface of the desk. A few light blue envelopes were sitting in a slightly messy pile beside your laptop, empty and unused. A red marker lay abandoned next to a pair of scissors left slightly open, and a few scraps of paper surrounded the scissors, having not yet been cleaned up. The majority of the scraps were long and thin with nothing discernable on them, but there was one scrap that caught your attention. It was small but round, a little bit bigger than your thumb. It looked like it had been ripped out of a larger piece of paper and scribbled over with the red marker. The marker had dried transparent enough for you to make out what was underneath.

A chill shot up your spine in record speed, and your flesh prickled with goosebumps.

_ A face? _

Without thinking, you reached for the scrap, bringing it closer to take a better look. You could make out the vague features of a familiar face, mint eyes and mint hair, though shorter than you were used to seeing it and muted through the red of the marker.

  1. This was V’s face, ripped out of a photo that, you could only assume, Ray had likely torn up and defaced. You briefly thought back to the documents you’d found weeks ago, littered with scribbles of ‘liar,’ ‘hypocrite,’ and ‘traitor.’ You knew that Ray held an incredible amount of rage for V, but this was extreme. It was one thing to hear Ray tell you that he wanted to get revenge, but it was completely different to see tangible evidence of his fury. A thought hit you as your eyes scanned over the rest of the desk.



Where was the rest of the photo?

Your gaze landed on the envelopes, and you felt a blanket of nausea drape itself over your shoulders.

_ Oh.  _

“Ah, you’re awake,” you looked over at Ray to catch his gaze for just a second before his eyes flickered back to the computer screen. A hissed curse fell from his mouth. “Sorry, give me a moment.”

A quick glance at the screen showed the same logs of code, still completely indecipherable to you. “Sure, take your time,” you responded, though half-heartedly, looking back down at the scrap of the photograph in your hand.

As unsettling as it was to think about, it wasn’t hard for you to imagine Ray at his desk, mutilating a photograph of V. There were questions swimming in your mind though, wondering why he would do such a thing and who he would send something like that to.

If you received a destroyed photo of yourself with the face cut out in the mail…

You shuddered. There was something inherently threatening in that scenario that put you on edge.

A few more minutes passed in silence before Ray finally sighed and leaned back in his chair, a frustrated frown still drawing his brows together. He turned his attention toward you completely, apparently finished with whatever he had been doing. You were still standing, too lost in thought to sit down after finding those scraps.

Ray took notice of this, and his frown fell into a look of curiosity. He sat back up, leaning over toward you and taking hold of your wrist, rotating it to see what you were holding. When he saw the paper, he seemed to come to an understanding about why you had been standing around so awkwardly.

“Oh,” Ray plucked the scrap off of your finger, flicking it back onto the desk. “Sorry. I wanted to clean that up before you woke up, but that redhead started attacking and I wasn’t able to.”

It took a second for your head to catch up before you recalled that the RFA was, in fact, still very real. You chose to change the focus of the conversation towards that for a second, head still swimming after your earlier discovery.

“Attacking?” You repeated, finally taking a seat in your chair. “Why?”

“Because I hacked the RFA messenger,” Ray responded. “The app that I said was a game is actually the RFA’s private messenger. I had to hack it to get the tester in and to check the chatting logs.”

Well, that explained that. As enlightening as this conversation was, though, you were unable to get the pictures out of your head.

“Ray…” you tried not to let your discomfort show too much, eyes flickering over some of the scraps of paper on the desk once again. “That photo’s of V, right? Where did you send the rest of it?”

Ray followed your gaze, taking in the slight mess on the desk. 

“I sent them to some of the members of the RFA,” he finally responded. “The best way to save them from that traitor is for them to know what kind of person he truly is. This will get their attention.”

You could see more than a few flaws in his plan. Not only was the execution aggressive in nature, but if the RFA truly trusted V, you were having a hard time seeing how any of those photos would come off as more than just a threat. You’d never had many friends, especially recently, but even you knew that if someone you trusted was sent mutilated photos and accused of hurting someone else, your first instinct would be to take their side. You couldn’t see why the RFA was any different, especially after their messenger had come under attack. They would instantly have a suspect; somebody to blame. If they truly trusted each other, they would band together first.

But you weren’t itching to tell Ray that. You didn’t want him to resort to anything even more extreme than this. 

His hatred ran deep. You could tell in the nuances of what he did; the smallest actions and the way he spoke about V and Seven. While you didn’t know what they had done to him specifically, you knew it had been bad enough to cause Ray’s immeasurable pain. So much so that he had resorted to joining a cult and working himself to the bone for a manipulative, narcissistic woman who didn’t care for his well-being. Ray was willing to deface photos completely, stick them in envelopes and mail them to V’s friends, something that would likely just shock and disturb them rather than rouse their suspicions. It wasn’t rational, but to Ray, it made sense.

There was a clear dichotomy between the Ray that you knew and the hacker that he presented himself as. 

To you, Ray was somebody who was gentle the majority of the time. When you looked at him, you saw somebody who had been through worlds of pain. You saw somebody who was so desperate for security that he was willing to lock up somebody that he found comfort in to keep them to himself. As much as Ray was doing things that you knew were illegal, things that frightened you repeatedly, there was a part of you that ultimately saw Ray as a good person. He had been through too much, abandoned and left to fend for himself in the best way that he saw how. Mint Eye and the Savior offered Ray stability that he was likely unable to find on his own. If you had genuinely thought him to be malicious, you would have been able to run the previous night without hesitation.

To the RFA, though, Ray was somebody completely different. He had hacked their messenger and sent them mutilated photos of their leader. He presented himself as someone aggressive and relentless. To the RFA, Ray was the bad guy. They wouldn’t know anything about the Savior or  _ why _ Ray did what he did. And why would they look that far? There was no reason for them to. Maybe V knew, but even Miyeon had told you that V was keeping secrets from the RFA. So the rest of the members were likely completely in the dark.

There was more than one side to the man sitting in front of you, looking at you so tenderly. Ray occasionally gave you glances into his mind, allowing you to see the torment and rage that drove him to become who he was today. He showed you in the way he cried, the way that he screamed at V and kept you pinned to his side, and in the way that he would bury himself into your embrace, seeking so desperately a comfort that only you could give. You knew he had been abused, and you knew that the Savior was only continuing that abuse under the guise of trying to save him. But even with everything that you knew, you were aware that it was only a fraction of the story. As always, the narrative that you’d been fed was littered with holes that you could not fill. Ray was complicated, and you had so many questions that you knew he wouldn’t answer yet. Even still, you had stayed with him, allowing him to keep you confined in this room as a member of a religious cult, just because you felt bad for him.

When Ray smiled at you, cheeks pink amidst the blue glow of the monitor, a thought repeated itself in your head, intent on torturing you with questions that you could not answer.

How much more was there to Ray that you didn’t know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a filler chapter. There's characterization and exploring emotions, and while I'm a bit worried that this chapter will be boring to read, I think it's pretty important so I hope it wasn't too bad. It was a definite change of pace from the last chapter, so writing it felt different for sure haha.
> 
> This story reached 100 Kudos today! I was refreshing the Statistics page for my account throughout the day and when it finally hit that number, I was really happy. I can't tell you how thankful I am to have even the smallest audience. There's something so wonderful about being able to share this fic and have people look forward to reading it. I don't have a lot of confidence in my writing. I actually didn't grow up speaking English, so even though I'm now in Uni as an English major, I still feel pretty awkward writing with it sometimes. So the fact that there are people who genuinely enjoy this is something that I have a hard time wrapping my head around. Even so, I'm extremely thankful to everyone who takes the time to read this. There's nothing that brings me more happiness than being able to connect with people through a work of fiction for a game. I don't know who you guys are or where you are, but I appreciate every single one of you for reading this.
> 
> So, thank you so much to everyone who's left Kudos or comments! Like I said, I love hearing from everyone. Reading comments is something that brings me a lot of happiness. I get super excited every time I get an email that somebody's commented. Your comments are always so insightful and motivating. They're also extremely helpful in letting me know where I am, because I get to see how my writing is being interpreted, and I can see where I'm lacking or what I might need to emphasize more in future chapters. Your words give me the confidence to keep writing this. So thank you!! If there's ever anything you want to say regarding this fic, please consider leaving a comment! Know that it will make my day, no matter what you say.
> 
> I hope everyone is safe and healthy! Please stay well and take care of yourselves. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Until next time!!


	14. Thinly-Veiled Threats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you reconvene with the woman who haunts you, leave your companion in a perilous situation, and witness something that brings you hope.

The Savior had become an abstract figure in your mind. After having spent weeks at Magenta, devoting your attention to the countless other problems that you needed to solve, you hadn’t been able to meet with her, and had slowly stopped thinking about her as often. You were so busy with your own myriad of issues, occupying yourself with making plans and trying to tiptoe around the constraints placed on you, that you didn’t always have much time to focus on the Savior. There was too much going on around you, and keeping it all straight in your head was impossible. Something had to give, and that something was her.

The Savior would cross your mind only when Ray spoke of her or the vengeance she so desperately sought. You would think of her as a manipulative, narcissistic woman who took advantage of those around her, exploiting the vulnerabilities of countless people who had already been beaten by life one time too many. The Savior was adept at taking notice of weak people, like she had been gifted a sixth sense that alerted her when a possible target was nearby, and she had no qualms with getting under their skin. She would insert herself into their lives like a snake, hiding beneath the facade of a gentle, caring woman who wanted no more but to bring happiness to her victims. In reality, she would exploit them continuously, demanding complete compliance as she did so.

The prime example of the Savior’s influence was Ray. He was completely devoted to her, willing to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being to work himself to the bone. He hardly slept, barely ate, and had no confidence in himself as an individual person. Ray based his value on how much he could do for the Savior. Failure was unacceptable, and punishment for failure was deserved. She forced him to dwell in his past and let trauma overtake him, claiming that revenge would solve all of his problems. The Savior had done to Ray what she had done to countless other people. She had taken advantage of his vulnerability and desperation for security and inserted herself in his life as a person who could offer all of that and more.

It was the exact same thing that Ray had tried to do to you, except the Savior was so charismatic, her manipulation so subtle to a suffering mind that her victims were unable to see what she was doing until it was too late. If the hundreds of Believers weren’t proof of her finesse, then the funding for this magnificent building that she had somehow acquired spoke to her capabilities. Exploiting came to the Savior as easily as breathing. It was natural to her, and she was so talented that she made the process seem like an art.

Every time you had learned something new about Mint Eye, Magenta, or Ray, it only added to the arsenal of evidence that shone a light on the Savior’s true intentions. You had started to see her as a cunning manipulator, a snake who slithered in the shadows but claimed to bring the light. You felt a burning anger towards her for creating a place as monstrous as Magenta, and for exploiting the vulnerable to do her dirty work for her. You hated her for the way Ray spoke about himself, repeating the insults that she had no doubt thrown at him in an attempt to devalue himself, reducing him to nothing more but a cog in the machine that served only Mint Eye. The Savior claimed to care for her Believers, but she saw them as nothing more than insects that she could step on at any time.

In the midst of the anger that you developed with the passing of time, you had forgotten your own relation to the Savior.

You hardly ever saw her. The last time you had spoken to her was on your second day in Magenta, several weeks ago. The lack of contact you had with the Savior was almost enough to convince you that she may have been a figment of your imagination, an elusive creature that might have existed, but only somewhere far away from you.

You had forgotten the way she had threatened you that day. The Savior had laid out her expectations for you, hiding her malice beneath flowery words and a sunny disposition, speaking as if holding you captive was doing you a favor. You had forgotten that she had directly ordered you to keep Ray in line by making sure he was focusing completely on his work.

During the weeks since that conversation, you had done anything but follow her orders. You had actively tried to get him to eat more, sleep more, and generally take better care of himself. So much had been on your mind that the Savior’s orders turned into background noise, fading out of your conscious mind. There was too much else to focus on. As soon as Miyeon entered the picture, you had changed your focus to helping her and to devising a plan that could ensure your escape. The only times that the Savior would cross your mind was when your anxieties ran out of control, wondering what would happen if your schemes were discovered. 

Today, though, you were given a reminder, and that reminder doused you with a bucket of reality so harshly that you briefly lost focus.

It was the early afternoon. Ray had returned from another one of his usual meetings with the Savior. When you first came to Magenta, he met with her once every couple of days. You weren’t sure if his preoccupation with you lessened the frequency of their meetings or if they had always met that scarcely. But once Miyeon was in the picture, Ray met with the Savior at least once a day, if not more. He never spoke much about the content of their meetings, mentioning briefly that he often reported to her about the progress made with the RFA and Miyeon’s performance as the tester. Usually, Ray would go to see her while you were with Miyeon, but because those meetings had come to a temporary halt, you were usually left alone in the workroom for an hour or so while he was taking care of business.

You had forgotten how boring it was to be alone in that tiny room. You had lost what little interest you had in coding, so that only kept you busy for so long. Ray was still hesitant about allowing you to read any of the logs of the RFA’s chats, even though you already knew that they were real people. Apparently, reading the logs was just as bad as directly speaking to them. You shouldn’t have been surprised, but you couldn’t deny your disappointment. You had hoped that Ray opening up to you would entail an expansion of your privileges, but that was a fool’s hope. His worrying about V’s lies was too profound to be overridden by rationale, and you knew that.

Disheartening though that was, you quickly found that you had other things to worry about.

You spun your chair around when the sound of the door unlocking reached your ears. Ray, having returned from his meeting with the Savior, approached you with a smile, extending his hand.

“I missed you,” he greeted you as usual. “Come. The Savior wants to speak with you.”

And thus began your reality check. You felt your blood going frigid in your veins. You placed your hand in Ray’s, allowing him to help you up. You were able to stand just fine, despite suddenly feeling stiff and cold.

Your first thought was that you were definitely in some sort of trouble. The purpose of this meeting must have to discuss V’s visit to the workroom and his attempt to break you and Miyeon out of Magenta. You couldn’t think of any other reason why the Savior would want to speak with you. The timing was too perfect.

Your mouth was quickly growing dry, and you tried unsuccessfully to swallow the lump that had grown in your throat.

“Did she say why?” You asked carefully, following Ray to the door. You were moving as if you were on autopilot, your limbs carrying you forward automatically. Ray’s hand was tight around your own, his grip secure.

“No,” he responded, shutting the door behind the two of you and beginning the trek down the long hallway. “She only said she wished to discuss something with you.”

You were heading in the direction of the garden. Throngs of Believers were congregated in the hallways, clad in their usual dark robes, but they parted when Ray walked through, making room for the two of you to pass without trouble. It was always uncomfortable for you to be around so many of them, but they were the least of your worries at the moment.

Your lips were pressed tightly together, mind swimming with foreboding anxiety, like you were heading toward your inevitable doom. You tried to calm yourself down, thinking that if something bad was going to happen, Ray would probably know about it. You doubted he would lead you to the Savior so casually if she planned on getting rid of you.

But the memory of that woman standing over you with the glass bottle of elixir in her hands haunted you. You had never experienced that sort of confused, primal terror before. You remembered so clearly how you felt, forcing yourself to drink that mint liquid despite knowing that nothing good would come out of ingesting an unknown chemical. You hadn’t had a way out; you had been trapped, scrutinized under her gaze like a bug. The self-satisfied smirk that crossed her face after you finished the bottle still unsettled you today. It was like the Savior knew she had won and reveled in her domination over you.

A shudder heaved its way through your body, causing the small hairs on your arms to stand on end. Even the early afternoon sunlight wasn’t enough to bring you any warmth. The chill that you were feeling was settled deep in your bones, where the sun’s rays couldn’t reach.

You made your way down a few twists and turns that were familiar from your trek toward the garden. That night had been the first time that you had gone toward this side of the building, and you remembered it as being dim and empty. Even though it was now daytime and the glittering halls were filled with robed Believers, you felt just as uncomfortable. You couldn’t find comfort in the presence of other people when the other people in question were inherently creepy.

Eventually, you came to a set of familiar double-doors, dark wood with intricate golden trimming. You recalled Ray having pointed this room out to you that night, but you couldn’t remember what he had called it.

Throne room? Chapel? It was all the same to you after a certain point in time, and you hadn’t been paying attention that night.

There were two Believers standing guard, as there had been that night, but they opened the doors up for you and Ray, allowing the two of you entrance. As soon as you walked in, you found your eyebrows raising up on their own. This was certainly the most grand out of all of the rooms you had seen in Magenta this far.

The walls, instead of the usual white of the hallways, were a pattern of diamonds in various shades of grey, giving the room a much more threatening feeling to it. Gold trimming lined the walls by the ceiling with intricate designs that you couldn’t quite make out from the floor. At your feet was a thin, red carpet leading to the middle of the room. There were a few steps to a square landing, atop which sat a royal-blue, cushioned throne with the same gold trimming around the body of the chair. A canopy surrounded the landing, colored a vibrant teal on the outside and burgundy on the inside. The curtains of the canopy were pulled back and fastened to two thin, gold pillars. Two candelabra stood beside the stairs on either side, holding lit candles. The flames flickered playfully, like they were trying to whisper secrets to you. The setup was as magnificent as it was uncomfortable. The colors didn’t belong here, you thought. They were too vibrant for a place as shadowy as Magenta.

You felt both impressed and disgusted. You had never seen a room quite this grand before. It was decorated like it was meant for royalty, all saturated colors and glittering gold. But after having been stuck in a small, dark room without any windows for weeks on end, decorated with nothing but computer monitors, file cabinets, and thick cords, being in a room like this frustrated you. The difference was astounding, only reiterating the general consensus that the Savior was above everybody else, deserving of special treatment as thanks for all of her exploiting and manipulating of vulnerable people. This room only fueled your disdain for the woman, and you felt nauseous beneath the anxiety that you had been nursing on your way here.

You didn’t like this at all. The way her throne was elevated several steps above the rest of the room was a clear indication of the Savior’s superiority like, she felt she deserved to look down on everybody else here. But despite your disdain for the Savior, you knew that you would have to play along. You were the one at a disadvantage, and it would do you no good to show any of the emotions swimming inside of you right now, no matter how much you wanted to.

The Savior herself was sitting in her blue throne, gazing down at you with brilliant, emerald green eyes. Her golden-blonde hair fell in the same, effortless waves around her shoulders, cascading down her back, illuminating her like a halo. Her black dress, the same one you had seen her in previously, contrasted against her milky skin and bright hair. She held herself with the same effortless grace as always, her lips quirking up in a gentle, almost welcoming smile at you.

You noticed that today, a large, masquerade-style black mask was covering half of her face. It had small silver jewels encrusted around the eyes, catching the candlelight elegantly. There were oval-shaped pieces of lace on the edge of the mask, around the eye area, causing it to resemble a dark butterfly.

You didn’t like the Savior at all, and you didn’t like this room as an extension of her. But you had to admit that she fit the role she curated for herself rather well. Small and petite though she was, the Savior embodied her self-assigned superiority effortlessly, especially when surrounded by so much material beauty. She seemed to relish it, like she truly felt she belonged here.

Next to you, Ray bowed his head, a well-rehearsed gesture that you had completely forgotten about after your time away from the Savior. You followed suit, though rather clumsily, already feeling your heart speed up in your chest, chiding you for messing up this early.

If you couldn’t even do this much, you were going to have a difficult time holding any sort of conversation with her. You had tried to prepare yourself on the way down but, having no idea why the Savior wanted to speak to you, you quickly found that that was a difficult thing to do.

“Ah, you’re here,” The Savior’s voice was smooth as butter. “Welcome to my throne room. I believe this is your first time here, no?”

You were clearly being addressed. You lifted your head back up to look at her, feeling your head starting to spin with pent-up nerves.

“Yes, that’s correct,” you responded.

It had been so long since you’d been around the Savior. You almost forgot how to talk to her. Speaking to someone like this, so formally, trying so hard to keep up a calm and composed facade; this was something you hadn’t had to do to such an extent in weeks. It felt awkward and unrehearsed, like you hadn’t had enough time to fully immerse yourself in your role. Ray held onto your hand tightly, and you tried to find some temporary stability in that.

If you weren’t alone, you might just be okay.

“What do you think?” The Savior raised both of her arms up, as if gesturing to the room around her in its entirety. “This room plays an important role here at Magenta. It’s decorated to reflect its importance.”

She was asking you for an opinion?

Your stomach was slowly twisting with discomfort. You couldn’t help analyzing her every word and movement. The Savior was so cryptic in everything that she did, making even small talk feel like an end-of-the-world discussion. You couldn’t help feeling like she was constantly operating with some ulterior motive, and that you were currently being subjected to that.

“It’s beautiful,” you responded. “Different from the rest of the building that I’ve seen.”

The Savior chuckled, like bells ringing on a clear morning. “Yes, indeed,” she responded, voice light with humor. “It would be, now wouldn’t it?”

You stood still, forcing a smile to your own lips. You had no idea what to say. You felt like you were stranded in the middle of a desert island, lost and confused, wishing that the Savior would just get on with it and tell you what she wanted from you. You didn’t want this to be drawn out any longer. The tension was already starting to build, and you had proved multiple times that operating under pressure was not something you excelled at. Small talk was also never your strong suit, especially not with someone like her. The Savior put you on edge with everything that she did. 

As uncomfortable as you were, you tried to hold onto your anxiety. If nothing else, it would force you to be careful. While you had made multiple mistakes around Ray, he was always quick to forgive you.

You had the feeling that with the Savior, slipping would end very differently.

“You must be curious about why I asked you here,” the Savior laid her hands back down on her lap, sitting up straight like a queen, looking down at you from her perch in her royal-blue throne. “It’s been a few weeks since we’ve spoken, and there are some things that I’m curious about. I’d like to share some conversation with you, if you aren’t too busy.”

You weren’t sure if that last bit was a dig at you. You were hardly busy; Ray barely made you do a thing. But you played along anyways, despite the sinking feeling in your stomach that this conversation would be heading in a direction that you wouldn’t like.

You’d never had a pleasant encounter with the Savior, and you doubted that this would be any exception, especially after V’s break-in the other night. 

“Not at all,” you replied. “It’d be a pleasure.”

As if satisfied with your answer, a deceptively easy-going grin tugged at the Savior’s cherub lips. She stood up from her throne and descended the steps with grace, approaching you. Her perfume was lightly floral and warm, like a mix of lavender and sandalwood. It was calming and pretty, but it didn’t suit your perception of her. The Savior glanced up at Ray, directing her smile towards him.

“Ray,” she addressed your companion, “I’m sure you must be busy. There is plenty of work for you to do. Why don’t you leave your assistant with me and return to the job I’ve just assigned to you?”

Your heart sank. You should have known that the Savior wouldn’t let you off so easily, but a part of you was hoping that you would be a little lucky this time, at least.

Ray reacted with surprising neutrality; lacking his usual obvious jealously, but also not ecstatic about the prospect of leaving you somewhere out of his control. Still, though, he bowed his head. “Yes, my Savior.”

You looked up at Ray as he turned to face you, hoping that if you willed him not to leave, you may have been able to forge a brief, telepathic connection. 

No such luck.

Ray let go of your hand, leaving you feeling even more stranded than you had before. He gave you a tender smile, caressing the apple of your cheek with his thumb ever so gently. 

“I’ll come back and get you later,” Ray said, his hand warm against your skin.

You just nodded, not trusting yourself to say anything. Ray leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on the top of your forehead, before pulling back away and letting go of you. He gave the Savior one last bow. “For eternal paradise.”

The room felt colder than before.

The Savior nodded at him. “For eternal paradise.”

Ray’s eyes met yours one last time, looking at you like he was trying to capture your image, before he finally turned around and took his exit. As soon as the double doors were shut again, you were left alone with the Savior and the few statue-like guards stationed around the room.

The air was tense and, for you, very awkward. You were never one to start conversations or make idle chit-chat, and you hardly had the courage to simply start talking about the weather with the woman standing in front of you. Your hope was that if you let the Savior take the lead, then this exchange would be over sooner.

The Savior met your gaze, emerald eyes glittering with amusement. “My,” she laced her hands in front of her stomach, standing at ease as she directed her smile towards you, “Ray seems to have gotten quite bold. I wasn’t expecting him to be quite so forward.”

Embarrassment prickled at the edge of your stomach. You suddenly felt even more uneasy, trying to stop yourself from shifting your weight back and forth in the Savior’s presence. She seemed intrigued, looking at you like she was trying to get some sort of answers from you. You wondered if your discomfort was as obvious to her as you felt like it was. 

“He did tell me that he was planning on increasing his efforts,” the Savior continued casually. “I admit his way of courting is rather… unusual. He seems just as taken with you now as he did in the beginning.”

You forced a tight smile to your lips, still completely unsure of how you were meant to respond to her. “Yeah,” your voice sounded unlike your own; it was too stiff. “He has his own way of doing things, I suppose.”

That was putting it lightly. If breaking the law, stalking, and holding you hostage was Ray’s way of “courting” you, then his tactics were decidedly abnormal.

“Indeed, he does,” the Savior continued smiling at you. “Though, that wasn’t what I wanted to discuss with you when I asked you to meet with me.”

Your heart was thumping incessantly, signaling the slow rising of your anxiety. You tried to keep yourself in check as the Savior gestured over to a small, round table off to the side of the room. There was a small platter of food atop the white tablecloth, containing an assortment of finger sandwiches, colorful macaroons, and other small delicacies. Next to the platter sat a white teapot with delicate flowering etched into the porcelain surface. Two saucers with matching teacups sat by the chairs at the table.

The entire setup was elaborately prepared and seemed inviting enough, but you were still hesitant about accepting anything about Mint Eye at face value. You doubted that you were asked here just to enjoy tea and snacks.

“Why don’t we have a seat?” The Savior asked, leading you toward the table. “There is much I’d like to speak with you about.”

The teakettle was emitting a gentle aroma, slightly floral. Chamomile, maybe? You hadn’t had much experience with tea so you couldn’t place the scent, but it was somewhat relaxing regardless. As you took a seat, one of the Believers had approached the table and began filling your cup with tea. The trickling of liquid into porcelain was clear, similar to the sound you would attribute to the gentle movement of water through small ponds. Steam rose from the cup up into the air, curling around itself in thin, white tendrils. The Savior took a sip out of her own cup, holding the handle in her dainty fingers, before setting the cup and saucer back down onto the table, malachite eyes refocusing on you.

“I hear that you were present when an unwelcome visitor decided to make himself known,” her eyes filled with a sudden intensity that hadn’t been present before. Her words settled in your head, and you felt the nerves in your stomach begin to buzz again.

And so it began. The Savior’s question was worded vaguely, but there was no doubt in your mind that she was referring to V. The obscurity of her question meant that your answer would reveal how much you knew. It was like she was both testing you and ensuring that Ray hadn’t revealed anything he shouldn’t have.

Luckily, you were able to keep your wits about you enough to realize that you needed to answer carefully to avoid incriminating you or Ray. You may have gathered information from Ray with ulterior motives, but nothing good would come out of revealing anything to the Savior. To you, she was nothing more than a narcissist who had manipulated and exploited countless vulnerable, hurting people. Though Ray had initially been nothing more than your captor, you had come to realize over time that he was also being victimized. To you, Ray was redeemable. You cared about him.

But you couldn’t extend that same sentiment to the Savior. So, if she was planning on testing you this subtly, you would respond just as dubiously. There was no point in revealing any of your trump cards.

  
“Well,” you started off, trying to keep yourself composed despite the myriad of thoughts whirling through your mind, “I was there when someone tried to convince Miyeon and me to leave.”

The Savior tilted her head to the side slightly, observing you carefully as she did. “What do you know about this man?”

It didn’t take you long to decide how much information to reveal. You knew that the Savior was aware of everything that had happened that night. There was no chance that Ray would have lied to her about your being there. So, you figured that you should be honest about what you had learned that night; namely V’s name, his appearance, and that he was considered a traitor.

If you were honest, your story would match up with Ray’s. But you couldn’t reveal anything else. Everything that you learned from Miyeon would have to remain a secret. As far as Ray and the Savior were aware, you knew nothing about the RFA or V outside of being aware of their existence. You couldn’t afford to be reckless. Miyeon’s safety was resting on your performance just as much as your own was.

You pretended to think for a few seconds, trying to relax yourself enough to ensure you wouldn’t slip up. “He called himself V,” you eventually answered. “He seemed to know who Miyeon was. Ray became really upset and started accusing him of spreading lies. But that’s all that I know. It happened really fast.”

The Savior was scrutinizing you, hardly making an effort to hide the fact that this was little more than a glamorized interrogation. She seemed to be searching your face for cues, or tells that you were lying. You tried to remain as natural as you could, knowing that you couldn’t afford to give yourself away like this. 

“I see,” the Savior took another sip of her tea. “From what Ray told me, that man seemed very intent on leaving with you and the tester by his side.”

You didn’t say anything. There was no need; the Savior knew she was right, and so did you. She continued to speak to you, folding her hands atop the table.

“Now, you’ve been a part of Mint Eye for some time now. How have you been adjusting?”

The question was both a shift in subject and a challenge. You were sure that the Savior wasn’t asking about your time here out of the goodness of her heart. She knew that you had been hesitant from the very beginning, and was likely trying to assess how much of a threat you would be; how much trouble you might cause if given the chance. She was likely trying to figure out whether you would have escaped with V.

Even you didn’t know the answer to that anymore.

Still, you needed to convince her that you were happy here. You needed to quell her worries enough that she wouldn’t place any additional restrictions upon you. If you needed to resort to acting like a mindless Believer, blindly following her every word, then you could do that.

“I think I’ve been adjusting well. I’ll admit that it was a little bit difficult at first because I wasn’t expecting the change to be so drastic,” you offered a smile, trying to clear yourself of as much suspicion as you could. “But I’m settling in. This place is really starting to feel like the home I never knew I needed.”

_ Bullshit.  _ You were lying through your teeth, shamelessly telling the Savior what you thought she wanted to hear. You only hoped that it would be enough. You had lied your way this far; you just needed to stick with it and keep your fingers crossed that it would continue to save your ass.

The Savior nodded her head. “I’m glad to hear it. Many of the lost who find their way to me do not know what it is that they need. Their first instinct may be to reject our help, as they’re unable to recognize it as being for their own benefit. But they all soon come to see that peace after suffering is the sweetest Paradise there is.”

Her smile was sickly sweet, words smooth and well-rehearsed. “It’s good to see that you’re finding your place here. The last thing we need is a traitor running free, tainting the minds of our Believers and throwing wrenches in our plans.”

A stone of unease had landed in your gut. As much as the Savior could have been speaking about V, there was a lingering suspicion that she kept her words vague on purpose. As it was, everything that she said could be easily applicable to you.

You didn’t know how to respond. There wasn’t much you could say, and you were worried that you would accidentally say too much in an attempt to paint yourself in a better light. So you just nodded, remaining silent.

The Savior continued to observe you for a few quiet seconds, during which you began to feel even more uncomfortable. You wondered what exactly she was looking for in you and whether or not she was finding it. Was she gauging your reaction and searching for signs of lying? Or something completely different?

You didn’t know what exactly her motives were, and you didn’t like that. Just as you kept your trump cards hidden, you were sure that there was plenty about this woman that she was keeping under wraps as well. You were only seeing the surface, just like she wanted.

“I should admit, I wasn’t expecting for you to find out anything concerning that man,” the Savior eventually admitted, “but it seems that he made you aware of him anyways. That was one of the reasons I’ve asked you here today. I’m sure that you understand that none of the details of this situation can be revealed to you. It’s a very sensitive, delicate situation.”

If she only knew. Still, you nodded, allowing the Savior to continue.

“I would also like you to understand that you aren’t permitted to share any details about that man to anyone. As far as you’re concerned, he does not exist. I would be very displeased to hear that you are spreading rumors and gossip. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

The Savior truly only spoke to you when she wanted to threaten you.

This time, though, you found that her words didn’t scare you quite as much as they did the last time. You still felt nerves buzzing in your stomach, igniting a sudden wave of dizziness that swept over your head, but your reaction wasn’t as extreme as it had been weeks ago.

You remembered that last time, the Savior’s threats nearly knocked you off your feet. She had completely gotten under your skin and rattled you, after which you nearly lost control of yourself. You had almost drowned in your own anxiety in front of Ray, who used to scare you just as much as the Savior did.

_ Used to. _

Perhaps that was what had changed. Maybe you felt a little bit more sure of yourself because the person you were stuck with had turned from a villain into someone you actually cared about. Even if you couldn’t tell Ray everything, even if you had to keep secrets from him, and even if he still felt it was okay to keep you locked up in a tiny room, he wasn’t the same person to you now as he used to be. You couldn’t completely confide in him, but you had learned to find comfort in his presence where you could.

You had him and you had Miyeon, even if you couldn’t speak to her anymore, either. Maybe that was why the Savior’s threats, while still unnerving you and igniting a small flame of fear, didn’t sweep you into panic like they had weeks before.

“Of course,” you tried to keep your composure. “I understand.”

A satisfied smile tugged at the corners of the Savior’s lips. “Good,” she said. “I’m glad we’ve reached an understanding about that.”

The Savior wrapped her tiny fingers around the handle of her teacup, raising up to take another sip. The room fell into another brief silence as she did so. The only noise that filled the air was the sound of her placing the teacup back down onto the saucer, the clinking of porcelain on porcelain loud amidst the absence of other noise. The quiet, brief as it was, unnerved you.

“That wasn’t all that I wanted to speak with you about,” the Savior met your gaze again, emerald eyes glittering and intense. “There’s an area of my interest where I believe you’ll be of more help than anyone else.”

Now you were wandering into unknown territory, breaching topics that you weren’t prepared for. Your eyebrows raised up a little bit, betraying your confusion, but you managed to speak anyways. “Oh? Well, I’m honored to be of help.”

A small, bell-like chuckle escaped the Savior’s lips. In that moment, she looked more human than she had in the entire exchange so far. Clearly, the approaching topic was something she felt some sort of passion for.

“All I ask for is some information,” she interlaced her fingers and rested her hands atop the crisp white tablecloth. “I hear that you’ve been attending to the tester and keeping her company since her arrival in Ray’s stead. Is that true?”

_ Oh no. _

A cold, foreboding feeling was beginning to leak into your mind. The last person you wanted to involve in this was Miyeon. But you couldn’t lie, not about this. She would know.

So, you nodded. “Yes, that’s true. I thought that since I was still new, it might make her feel more comfortable to have someone to talk to who she could relate to.”

You were already starting to ramble. Hopefully, it wasn’t as obvious to the Savior that you were caught off-guard, but you knew how perceptive she was. Your heart was beginning to flutter in your chest with more enthusiasm than before, sending waves of discomfort coursing through your body. You briefly wondered if she could hear the incessant thumping, which was so loud to you that your head began to ache dully. 

So much for feeling unaffected by her words. 

“How thoughtful of you,” the Savior remarked. “Though, Ray seemed particularly upset when you mentioned the prospect. He spoke to me about it, you see, and I was the one who suggested he allow you to go.”

You tried to remain as composed as you could, but your mind was slowly starting to spin. You had figured that it was the Savior who convinced Ray to let you meet with Miyeon, and you knew there was hardly a chance she would do so without some motive of her own.

You had a feeling you were about to gain some insight into her plans.

“Do you know why I did that?” The Savior asked you.

You weren’t lying when you responded. “No, I don’t.”

“Ray is very busy, as I’m sure you are aware,” the Savior told you, drumming her fingers atop the table as she spoke. “While I’m sure he would have handled caring for the tester, I decided to have that job transferred to you because I thought that you might be a bit more attentive to her than Ray would have been.”

Fair enough. You knew it was true. Miyeon had never exactly been Ray’s top priority. Even so, you didn’t like where this was going.

“I’m curious about the tester,” a smile crossed the Savior’s lips. “Miyeon Cha, was it? I would like you to tell me about her.”

You wanted to believe that the Savior’s interest in Miyeon was harmless, but you knew that was a fool’s hope. The Savior never did anything without reason; she was calculated and meticulous, persistent and powerful. If she was curious about Miyeon, she likely wanted something from her. 

You hoped it had nothing to do with V’s attempt at breaking Miyeon out of this place. Clearly, Miyeon and V got along well. You saw as much when V had come to the workroom. He had been focused on her, attentive and dedicated to getting her out. V had held onto her hand for as long as he could before getting ripped away, yelling that he would be back for her. It was obvious to anyone watching that V felt some sort of responsibility toward Miyeon and her safety.

  
Even you knew that this wasn’t good. Not a single part of you wanted to give the Savior anything. You didn’t want to talk about Miyeon or what a good person she was; it would feel like you were throwing her out to the wolves. 

But what could you really do? You weren’t in a position to refuse the Savior anything. You couldn’t say no if you valued your safety. Your secrets were the only weapons you had, and if you gave away the fact that you had them, you would be dealt with swiftly and mercilessly. Being uncooperative wasn’t an option.

All you could do was be selective with what you revealed. Now, more than ever, you needed to be able to think on your feet. 

“I think she’s a good person,” you finally settled on a starting point. “She’s very dedicated to the test. I don’t know many details, but she’s been earnest and consistent with her duties.”

The Savior hummed, leaning a little closer while listening to you speak. “I see. What of her character? I’m more curious about her as a person than as our tester.”

You were being backed into a corner, forced to give out some of the information you had wanted to keep to yourself. You didn’t want the Savior to know what kind of person Miyeon was. She didn’t deserve the scrutiny and attention of the Savior, and you wanted no part in bringing that upon her.

But what choice did you have? 

“Miyeon…” you trailed off for a second, thinking about what you could tell her that would paint Miyeon in a good light without revealing that your friendship with her was more than superficial. “Miyeon’s a very cool-headed person. She’s friendly and charismatic. From what I could tell, she seems like a generally understanding person.”

A strange smile grew on the Savior’s lips, unsettling you as it did. 

Had you said something strange? Revealed something you weren’t supposed to? You had tried to be as vague as possible, and the stakes were too high for you to mess this up. Was the Savior doing this on purpose and trying to spin you in circles on purpose? 

You had never before wanted to read someone’s mind as bad as you did right now. What you wouldn’t give to know what the Savior was thinking, what she was scheming that involved Miyeon. 

You could only hope that it wasn’t anything detrimental. Miyeon had to be safe. You had promised yourself that, after being responsible for her being brought here, you would at least keep her safe. Your freedom might have been limited like Miyeon’s was, but you were in the position where you had more of an opportunity to actively move and gather information. You had planned on using that to your advantage to ensure her safety.

Had you failed with that, too?

“Is that so…?” The Savior mused, a slightly faraway look growing in her malachite eyes. “Based on what Ray told me, I had the impression that she seemed to be a very docile person. You seem to have the same opinion of her.”

Docile?

You had thought so too, at first. When you had first met Miyeon, she seemed kind and friendly. You had thought her naive, especially when surveilling her and watching her accept Ray’s invitation to come to a sketchy, undisclosed location. 

But after seeing the look in Miyeon’s eyes when Ray had presented her with the elixir, the way she had stood her ground with a subtle determination had led you to change your opinion of her slightly. Miyeon wasn’t as docile as she appeared. She was perceptive and smart, hiding her tenacity in a way that made it stand out that much more when it did surface.

But you weren’t itching to correct the Savior. You didn’t want her to think that Miyeon was the type of person who needed extra intervention to break. The less of a threat the Savior saw her as, the better.

“Yes,” you agreed, the lie slipping from your lips smoothly. “I guess that would describe her pretty well.”

“I’m glad to hear my initial assessment was correct,” the Savior smliled again, but you noted that this time, it looked a bit more genuine than it had before, and you couldn’t help wondering why. “It seems my curiosity was not unfounded. I’m rather excited to meet her.”

Your heart skipped a beat at her words. The Savior wanted to meet Miyeon?

You supposed you shouldn’t have really been surprised. It would have happened sooner or later, but for reasons you couldn’t quite place, you were suspicious. The timing seemed off, and the Savior’s curiosity was strange. Was this really just because V had made a surprise appearance?

No. Looking at the Savior, who sported a smile that looked almost genuine, causing her to appear somewhat more human than you were used to, you knew that this was more than just V. There was definitely something else going on here.

Had you led Miyeon into a trap? Had you answered wrong?

Your heart was thumping with renewed vigor, beating against your ribcage furiously. You felt the blood beginning to drain from your face, and you struggled to keep your composure as a whirlwind of thoughts began to fly through your mind.

Things were starting to look bad again. There was no good reason that the Savior could have been this interested in Miyeon. It just didn’t make sense.

Before you could get too absorbed in your nerves, though, the double doors suddenly opened again. You twisted around in your seat to get a look at who had entered.

Your blood froze in your veins.

Standing in the doorway were two familiar figures. Miyeon was wearing a blindfold. Her lips were pressed together tightly, face pale like she was nervous. Beside her was Ray, who had a polite hand on the back of her arm, which he had clearly been using to lead her through the building. Ray coaxed Miyeon a few steps forward. As he did, the Savior stood up. You followed suit, darting to your feet rather quickly. The Savior took no notice, though, her eyes trained instead on Miyeon with a strange intensity. As far as the Savior was concerned, you didn’t exist anymore.

“Now, I’ll take off the blindfold,” Ray sounded polite, raising his hands up to remove the blindfold from around Miyeon’s eyes. The movement mussed a few strands of her dark fringe, but it quickly fell back into place. She opened her eyes, pools of amber taking a few seconds to notice you and the Savior. Her eyes widened somewhat when she took notice of you, eyebrows raising slightly. Clearly, she hadn’t expected to see you here.

You said nothing, gripping the edge of the table tightly.

“My Savior, I’ve brought her,” Ray filled the silence with a satisfied grin.

Miyeon, as usual, brought herself up to speed much quicker than you could. Her eyes landed on the Savior, and she forced a small, polite smile to her face. “Hello,” she greeted, her voice surprisingly stable given the circumstances.

The Savior seemed immensely pleased. Her face was relaxed, almost content, as she responded. “I’ve wanted to meet you very much,” she said. “Welcome to Paradise. You seem similar to me… but also very different. I think we’ll be able to discover more over time.”

You felt deeply unsettled. Something was very wrong with this interaction. The way the Savior was speaking to Miyeon was surprisingly intimate, and it gave you a very bad feeling. You were unable to help noticing the similarities between the way the Savior was speaking to Miyeon and the way that Ray had first spoken to you when you’d met. If Miyeon felt the same discomfort that you did, though, she didn’t show it on her face. As usual, she kept herself composed with an ease that you envied.

“Thank you for bringing her to me, Ray,” the Savior turned her attention to Ray.

Ray bowed his head. “Of course, my Savior.”

The Savior looked at you, sparing you a polite smile. “I’m very interested in her after hearing what you had to say. Thank you for giving me your time today.”

You just nodded. You didn’t trust yourself to speak at all. A cold sweat was beginning to cover your skin, making you feel clammy and uncomfortable.

“Would you mind if I stay with her for a few days?” The Savior asked, looking back over at Ray. “I’d like to stay with her and get to know her better.”

It felt like the air was getting sucked out of your chest. Whatever the Savior wanted with Miyeon, you knew it couldn’t be anything good. How were the two of you supposed to escape if Miyeon was stuck beside your greatest adversary?

“You won’t stop me from using the messenger, will you?” Miyeon was as bold as ever. She exhibited no fear or aggression, only a subtle, unwavering caution.

“Of course not,” the Savior responded. “You’re free to do whatever you want while you’re here. I respect your freedom.”

You could have rolled your eyes, but you held it in. The mixture of anxiety and agitation was slowly starting to get to you. The Savior’s words were hypocritical, but you took solace in the fact that Miyeon already knew what kind of person she was dealing with. You had never felt so lucky that you were able to meet with Miyeon as often as you had. Even though there was so much more you wanted to tell her, Miyeon knew enough to remain cautious around the Savior, and you were extremely grateful for that.

The Savior turned back to Ray, and while she did, you finally managed to meet Miyeon’s eyes. The urgency was clear in your demeanor and you knew that. You were on edge, eyes widened and posture stiff, your grip on the table so tight that your knuckles were bone-white. Though Miyeon didn’t look as unsettled as you did, you could tell that she was on edge, rigid and reserved. Her mouth moved, asking you silently if you were okay.

You nodded quickly, trying to dismiss her concerns. You were hardly the person who needed worrying about right now.

“For now, leave her to me, and come back later when you’re less busy,” the Savior’s instructions caught your attention, and you looked back over at her. She was standing tall, confident and poised. Clearly, she had gotten what she wanted, and you hated that you had been a part of it.

“Yes, my Savior,” Ray nodded, bringing his right hand to rest over his heart. “I hope you have fun.”

You didn’t like his usage of the word at all. You looked over at Miyeon once more to see her inhale, hold her breath, and exhale once more, like she was actively trying to calm herself down before any attention was returned to her.

Of course she was nervous, you thought. As composed as Miyeon seemed, she was human too, and she knew what kind of person she was contending with.

“Well, then, it’s time for us to go,” Ray’s words prompted you to look over at him. He was sending you a smile.

You were conflicted. As much as you wanted to leave this room as soon as possible, the thought of leaving Miyeon alone with the Savior unsettled you greatly. You knew that Miyeon was capable enough, but you couldn’t imagine that she would  _ want  _ to be alone in this situation, especially with knowing what she was up against. You didn’t want to be near the Savior, but you didn’t want to leave Miyeon on her own, either.

But what choice did you really have? There was nothing you could do. You weren’t at liberty to act the way you wanted to. The only thing you could do right now was to cause Miyeon as little trouble as possible. 

With that thought in mind, you didn’t waste any time in taking the few strides over to Ray’s side. As soon as you were close enough he took your hand, like always, interlacing his fingers with yours like it was an automatic process. The contact was familiar and grounding, and you felt comforted at not being alone anymore. But as relieved as you were that Ray was here to bring you back to the workroom and away from the Savior, you also dreaded leaving.

You didn’t have to say another word. The Savior’s attention was on Miyeon at this point, leaving you as nothing more than a flicker in her peripheral, not even worth a proper farewell.

Not that you were lamenting that loss.

You met Miyeon’s eyes once more. You mouthed a quick apology to her, hoping desperately that she would understand that you weren’t leaving her here because you wanted to. 

The smallest of smiles tugged at the corners of Miyeon’s lips, and that was enough to bring you some comfort. She was much more resilient than you, and you were sure that would help to carry her through.

Ray tugged on your hand wordlessly. You followed his lead, turning around and exiting the room as quickly as you had entered, leaving behind all of the vivid colors and grand decorations. You passed the guards on the outside, noticing as you did that one of them seemed exceptionally stiff. Without thinking you turned your head to look at the guard in question, eyebrows narrowed slightly in confusion.

Was he trembling?

Your eyes darted up to the guard’s face, shrouded in shadows as usual, but your heart skipped a beat when you were just barely able to make out the guard’s eyes, a bright mint, locked on your own.

_ V. _

Your frown morphed into a look of shock, but you quickly fought to reign it back in, not wanting to give away his presence. You didn’t say a word as you turned to face forward once more, your heartbeat picking up so much that you had to take a deep breath in an attempt to steady it.

V was back already. You fought to keep a grin at bay.

You weren’t sure who he was or what part he played in all of this, but you knew that V was dedicated to Miyeon’s safety. He was close, able to watch over her better than you could in this moment. You hardly knew anything about V, nor had you ever had any sort of conversation with him, but you trusted that he would keep her out of harm’s way. If his current actions, risking his own safety and sneaking back into Magenta only days after being caught, were anything to go by, then you could trust him.

Miyeon wasn’t alone. That was enough to bring you some comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite blonde cult-leader makes an appearance once again. I hope nobody thought she was going anywhere, lol. This chapter was actually really interesting for me to write. I had a lot of fun with writing the Reader's interactions with the Savior and highlighting just how much the two are at odds with each other. Their interactions seem so superficial, but every sentence, every word has some sort of double-meaning. I really enjoyed writing it all out!
> 
> I hope everybody is well. I'm actually sick at the moment, as I tend to be because my immune system is really crappy. I have a lot of food intolerances and accidentally ate a lot of something I shouldn't have, which knocked me out for about three days, then I caught some sort of bug on top of that. We love to see it :))
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left Kudos/comments on the last chapter! Honestly, every single word I read from every single one of you means so much to me. Your guys' comments and feedback is the reason I have the motivation to continue writing. I do pay a lot of attention to the people who comment, especially those of you who comment repeatedly, and I'm always so grateful for every single one of you. The experience of writing this has been such a joy, and you've all contributed to the majority of the enjoyment I get out of writing this. :) So if anyone ever has any thoughts, please do leave a comment. Even if it's just a word or two, I'll be on cloud nine all day. 
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy, especially those of you who are returning to school soon. I'm lucky that for now, all of my classes are online. I think Uni tends to be a bit more flexible about that than some high schools. The world is a scary place right now, so look after yourselves. <3 I hope that you all enjoyed this, and I hope to see you next time!


	15. Instability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you become common knowledge, try to plant a seed of doubt, and struggle with yourself all the while.

It didn’t take you very long to realize that something was different when you returned to the workroom with Ray.

You didn’t comment on it at first. Ray was unusually quiet, focused on his work with a strange dedication, a perpetual frown pulling his eyebrows together. It was almost like he was trying to tune out the world around him. There was none of the idle chit-chat you’d come to expect, no asking about the details of your conversation with the Savior, and none of the intermittent staring that you had grown so used to. Though you had quickly caught onto his obvious change in mood, you initially opted not to voice your concerns just yet, hoping that Ray would return to normal if you gave him a little bit of time. It was uncomfortable, but so was speaking up, so you took the more passive route and stayed silent.

Once hours had passed, though, you realized that it was unlikely that Ray’s mood would revert back to normal as easily as you’d hoped. He seemed stuck in his own head, focused on something that had clearly made him upset, like he was brooding but didn’t want to tell you about it.

You weren’t sure what had happened, but something was on Ray’s mind, and it was clearly intent on sticking around.

The silence in the room was thick and overwhelming. You felt abnormally unsettled, sitting quietly in your chair for hours on end. The afternoon was fading into evening, and the tension was slowly starting to wear you down. You felt tired, and your exhaustion made you feel both sore and uncomfortable. You were never the instigator of many conversations, especially since coming to Mint Eye, but you were starting to feel like that would be a role you would have to take on this time. Clearly, Ray wasn’t going to take the lead, and you were starting to grow weary of the uncertainty that hung in the air.

You glanced at Ray. He was slumped over his desk, frowning slightly, holding his chin up with his hand, elbow propped up on the desk. The circles under his eyes were dark and puffy, more pronounced than usual, and his skin was pale. He looked exhausted and upset.

Your stomach twisted with discomfort. You didn’t particularly like seeing him this way, and you found yourself beginning to genuinely worry that something had happened.

So, even though speaking up after waiting for this long felt awkward and unnatural, you tried to push those feelings aside. If something was going on, you needed to know.

“Ray,” you spoke gently, trying to gauge his reaction before diving right into prying.

The man in question lifted his head off of its perch on his hand, looking over at you. He didn’t say anything, but he also didn’t immediately reject your advances. It was as good of a start as any, you figured, and took that as a sign to continue your quest for answers.

“Are you okay?” You asked. “You’ve been pretty quiet since we got back.”

Ray’s lips pressed together tightly, traces of distress starting to show more clearly on his face. “I’m sorry,” he suddenly launched himself into a frenzy. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You must think I’m an airhead-”

Immediately, Ray seemed to lose control of whatever composure he had been holding onto. The sudden slew of insults towards himself caught you by surprise, causing you to raise your eyebrows in a mixture of shock and alarm, wondering what in the world could have happened to upset him this much. You were suddenly glad that you had decided to take the initiative.

Quickly, you tried to interrupt his train of thought, wheeling your chair over a bit closer to his. “Hey, wait,” you held your hands up as if trying to will Ray to stop. “No, that’s not what I meant at all. You’re not stupid, Ray. I’m just worried.”

Ray’s face, which had become slightly flushed during his initial barrage of self-deprecating insults, twisted a little bit. He seemed conflicted, and you were able to detect traces of both frustration and concern, like there was too much going on in his head for him to be able to depict it accurately.

“I’m sorry,” Ray repeated his apology, gloved hands burying themselves in his hair, mussing the bleached strands in the process. “I don’t want you to be worried. Not over me. You’re supposed to be happy here.”

Ray was rigid, sitting stiffly. His shoulders were trembling and his skin was red with frustration. You found yourself confused over his words, but kept that at bay for the time being. Instead, you scooted a bit closer again and raised your hand before coming to a hesitant stop.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” You asked, hand suspended in midair. The last thing you wanted to do was to invade his boundaries, especially when he was already very clearly wound up.

Ray glanced over at you, the mint of his eyes appearing slightly bluer than usual with the light of the computer screens. He nodded, eyes starting to glaze over.

You took Ray’s invitation and let your hand rest atop his back, trying to remain noninvasive with your attempts at comforting him. You could feel how tense he was, trembling beneath the fabric of his magenta coat.

“Try to relax a bit, if you can,” you coaxed, keeping your voice as gentle as you could. “What’s going on?”

Ray shook his head, though the tight grip he had on his hair restricted his movement considerably. “I’m not supposed to talk about it,” he told you, averting his eyes once more. You got the distinct impression that he was ashamed about something. Upon closer inspection, you noticed that a frown was starting to settle into his face, creasing his brows together. He looked surprisingly angry, and you hadn’t expected that.

You couldn’t help the feeling of dread that was pooling in your stomach. If Ray wasn’t “allowed” to do something or talk about something, the something in question usually involved the Savior or the RFA. And if it was serious, then you knew that whatever going on likely wasn’t very good.

You didn’t want Ray to get in trouble for sharing with you what he wasn’t supposed to talk about, but he was also very clearly upset by whatever he was keeping to himself. There was an urge within you to keep pushing so that Ray didn’t have to shoulder everything alone. If he shared his burdens with you, you thought, then he wouldn’t have to suffer like this.

Such thoughts weren’t welcome in your head. Despite knowing that you had been growing soft for Ray for quite some time, it was still difficult for you to indulge in your feelings. Comforting Ray had become more automatic; something that you did because you wanted to, not because you felt like you had to. Every time you allowed yourself to be there for him, you only intensified your feelings towards him. But you didn’t have it in you to stop, especially when he looked this tormented. 

Your relationship with Ray was like a double-edged sword. You knew that it was doomed to come to a painful end eventually, after which you would be left feeling just as empty as you had before meeting him. But you still couldn’t justify turning your back on him when he so clearly needed someone. Even if you knew that you were only making things worse in the long run, it was too late for you to turn back around and pretend that you didn’t care about Ray.

At least for a few minutes, you could pretend that you weren’t digging yourself into a deeper hole. You could indulge your urges to take care of Ray in whatever way that you could, pretend that you were helping even when you knew you were setting the both of you up for inevitable failure.

“You can talk to me about anything,” you insisted. “I know that you have rules to follow, but if you’re hurting, you should talk about it. You’d want me to do the same thing, right?”

Ray met your eyes once more, his own watery, but he nodded. His eyebrows were still drawn together, but he looked like he wanted to trust you, even if he had been told not to.

“See?” You tried to smile, hoping that it would ease his anxieties a bit. “Just like you’d want me to confide in you, I want you to confide in me.”

Ray’s shoulders rose and fell with a deep sigh. He dropped one of his hands from his head, letting it fall to the desk. The other hand remained buried inside of his hair, rubbing at his head as if it was aching.

“The chat logs,” Ray’s voice was hard. He sounded slightly choked up, and you couldn’t tell if it was because he was sad, angry, or a mix of both, “in the chat logs, they were saying something strange.”

The tension that you thought you had escaped returned with a vengeance.

Your heart was thudding in your chest. Ray had always fought against entrusting you with any information pertaining to the RFA and their chat logs. Your curiosity was strong, but you had come to the conclusion that it was unlikely Ray would ever tell you anything. So if he was choosing to talk about it now, whatever happened must have really been bothering him. And by extension, you knew that it would bother you, too.

You didn’t know why, but you had a bad feeling.

“What do you mean?” You were treading carefully, bracing yourself for impact.

Ray was silent for a few seconds more, allowing your apprehension to grow threatening to swallow you whole without mercy. You could feel your heart thudding against your ribcage with anxious apprehension, and ignoring it was slowly becoming more difficult. Suddenly, Ray lifted his head back up, twisting to face you. You removed your hand from his back while he did, and fought to maintain a neutral facade when you saw Ray’s face. There was a strange intensity in his eyes as he looked at you, eyebrows furrowed together in a deep scowl that had your stomach filling up with nerves, buzzing around like flies.

There were very few instances where you had seen Ray like this, and it always indicated that you were in for a very fiery, emotionally loaded conversation.

It was like a complete switch had taken place. Seconds before, Ray had been trembling and agitated, almost ashamed in his demeanor. Now, though, it was like you were looking at a different person. Ray’s voice was strangely calm as he spoke, focused completely on you.

“They talked about you.”

Your heart might as well have stopped in your chest. Your blood suddenly ran cold, a frigid chill settling itself over your body and seeping into your bones.

They had spoken about you? The RFA knew about you?

Judging by the way that Ray was looking at you, whatever they were saying couldn’t have been good. He looked absolutely furious. You struggled to keep yourself composed, suddenly overwhelmed by anxiety so thick that your chest was crushing in on itself. You were in a position that put you at a complete disadvantage. You had no idea what the RFA had said, but you would have to sit here and deal with the aftermath, unable to walk away or hide until Ray was calmer. He was angry, and you were responsible for cleaning up the mess, whether you wanted to or not. 

What could they have said that would make Ray look at you like that?

Your mouth was dry. You hadn’t felt this nervous in front of Ray in a very long time, and the feeling had become unfamiliar over the passing of time. The new unfamiliarity left you feeling vulnerable and apprehensive, hesitant to speak lest you say the wrong thing. But you managed to gather your wits enough to speak anyways, though your voice sounded small and unsure. “What did they say?”

Your question brought forward another spark of frustration. Ray exhaled sharply before responding to you. “The tester brought you up earlier. She said that when they came to rescue her, they needed to rescue you, too.”

Your heart was thumping so loudly that you were sure Ray could hear it, too. You wanted to think that this was good news, and maybe it was, in a way. This meant that the RFA didn’t see you as the bad guy. V must have understood that you weren’t voluntarily here or working with Ray because you wanted to. You had spent hours agonizing about what you would do if V saw you as the enemy, and now you wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore. 

But another part of you was spinning with shock and frustration. You had told Miyeon that Ray was reading through the logs. The fact that they had brought you up like that, and had spoken about the true nature of your position in a chatroom that Ray could access put you in a very bad position. Even if they didn’t directly incriminate you by withholding the fact that you had been planning your escape from day one, Ray was so possessive over you that any indication that someone wanted to take you away could push him over the edge. Just like he had been pushed over the edge when V came, and just as he was about to be pushed over the edge at this very moment. 

You were completely frozen, unable to move. Your mind was spinning too fast, sending words spiraling out of reach. Ray didn’t seem to notice this, though, as he was too busy launching himself into a frenzy.

“They still believe V’s lies,” he hissed, a glare contorting his features. “The tester believes him too, even after all of the reminders I’ve sent them! And they think that  _ I’m  _ the monster?”

Ray’s voice was rising in volume, becoming harsher and harsher with every word. It was indicative of a very obvious loss of control, and it was frightening you, leaving you immobile in your seat as you watched the scene unfolding in front of you. You hadn’t been prepared for a reaction this extreme, and you had no idea what to do to deescalate the situation.

“I brought you here to be happy!” Ray continued, mint eyes blazing with fury. “Now V’s in the chatrooms, telling everybody that I’m holding you hostage? Even now, he’s still lying!”

It was becoming more and more difficult to keep control of yourself. Ray’s yelling was rattling you, throwing you off-balance after the already stressful conversation you’d had with the Savior in the early afternoon. You were struggling, breathing growing shaky, but Ray was too angry to notice.

You  _ were _ a hostage. Everything that the RFA was saying was completely true, and you knew it. But watching Ray fall into shambles, so enraged that he was becoming unrecognizable to you, was pushing you into a corner you weren’t sure you could talk your way out of too easily. You wanted to calm him down, but you had been bottling up your feelings about being confined here for weeks, and you were afraid that everything would bubble over and you would lose control of your filter in a moment of blind emotion. If that happened, the consequences would be drastic. If Ray knew that you considered yourself a hostage, all bets would be off. You wouldn’t be able to predict his reaction.

You had been relying on Ray for stability. He kept you safe from the elixir, and he unknowingly protected you from the Savior by giving you a purpose at Mint Eye. If you lost that, you had no idea what would befall you.

“You came here for me. You came because you wanted to- because you trusted me. So why would they say that?” Ray was pinning you in place with tear-filled eyes. “They don’t know anything. They don’t understand how much I like you.”

Your chest was aching, and you didn’t understand why. A part of you wanted to let loose and explain to Ray that what he was doing was wrong, no matter how much he liked you. Drugging you, keeping you locked up without letting you step foot out of this room unsupervised; it was so obvious to you that you were a hostage. But somehow, Ray had twisted the situation in his mind. He perceived everything completely different than you did, and that disconnect would continue to be your downfall.

That thought hurt you. You liked Ray; you cared for him. You felt bad because of everything that he had lived through. His life, as far as you knew, had been a series of abuse and abandonment. Even now, Ray was actively being exploited and manipulated, but he was so desperate for a place to belong that he couldn’t see that the cycle was only being prolonged. 

Still, he had dragged you into his life and kept you here against your will. You had been made to hide your feelings and walk on eggshells. As much as you liked Ray and empathized with him, you knew that he was still partly at fault for what had happened to you. That was something you weren’t sure how to process, especially after adding into the equation the fact that you genuinely cared about him.

It was back and forth; hot and cold. Even you jumped back and forth between blaming Ray and justifying his actions. When you were made to find a medium between the two extremes, you only felt stranded and confused. This current situation was the perfect example. You were being swarmed with a myriad of thoughts that you couldn’t make sense of.

“I can’t believe V’s talking like I’m keeping you locked up,” Ray hissed, face flushed with emotion. “I’m so angry. He doesn’t understand a single thing, and now the RFA wants to take you away from me.”

You opened your mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out. You didn’t know what to say. All of the different thoughts and feelings had tangled themselves up in your mind, leaving you with a wad, an indecipherable mess that left you feeling slow and stupid.

The RFA wanted to take you away. They wanted to rescue you.

They were on your side, despite having never spoken to you. Miyeon had somehow convinced them that you were good; a victim, just as much as she was. 

So why did you feel this conflicted? Why did it hurt to see Ray this confused? Was it because you were getting another glimpse into what would happen if you did manage to escape from him and leave him behind? Was it because you didn’t want him to suffer despite knowing that one day, you would inevitably become the cause of his pain?

“Did you say something to her?” Ray’s question caused your heart to skip a few beats, the blood draining from your face. It took you a few seconds to wade your way from the depths of your mind back to reality, but when you did, the implications of his words sent you spiraling into the beginning of panic.

“What do you mean?” You finally spoke, the question nothing more than an attempt at buying you some time.

Ray couldn’t blame you. You couldn’t let that happen. Who knew what would become of you if he knew the truth? Would he direct his fury at you when you were already backed into a corner with no escape?

“The tester,” Ray was staring at you with an intense determination, searching your face like he was trying to read your mind. “Did you tell her that you were a hostage?”

_ Yes. _ You had. Miyeon knew everything about your feelings, everything that you had never wanted Ray to know. You had trusted her because she had listened with a sincerity nobody had ever shown you. 

You were slowly losing hold of your composure, the anxiety in your blood reducing you to a desperate, panicked mess of your usual self.

“Why would I do that?” Your next question was a buffer, and you knew you were only painting yourself in a suspicious light by continuing to delay truly answering his question. You sounded weak, even to yourself.

Ray’s hands shot forward, grabbing onto your arms tightly. The sudden pressure caused you to inhale sharply and you widened your eyes as he pulled you forward, leaning closer to you as he did so. Ray’s face was close to yours, so much so that you could feel his breath on your cheeks as you spoke. The warmth that he usually exuded was much less comforting than usual. Whether he knew it or not, Ray’s attempt at domineering over you was successful in making you feel even more cornered, even more frightened than you’d already felt.

Your nerves were rising beyond what you were capable of controlling, leaving you struggling to catch your own breath. Your name left Ray’s lips like a desperate plea, begging for you to prove him wrong. He didn’t want you to betray him, but the signs were staring at him in the face. Ray cared for you and gave you a lot of leeways, but he had never been stupid.

You could only hope that you would be able to turn the situation back around before it was too late.

“Please tell me you didn’t say that,” the tears that had been pooling in Ray’s eyes finally spilled down his cheeks, leaving trails in their wakes. His anger was melting into desperation. “Please tell me that you don’t want to leave me. You can’t abandon me- Not you.”

You shook your head, still unable to speak, your own eyes beginning to water as your emotions continued to overwhelm you, filling your head and washing over you in intense waves, leaving your thoughts scrambled and useless.

Ray continued speaking. The floodgates had finally opened, letting everything spill out at once, and he clearly wasn’t at liberty to stop it anymore. “You can hit me if you need to,” he continued, fresh tears dripping down his cheeks. “You can hurt me like everyone else. You can push me, slap me, call me stupid- but you can’t leave me! Hurt me instead!”

Whatever had been holding you back from speaking finally snapped. 

“No!” You interrupted Ray with a shout of your own, a few tears of your own making their way down your cheeks, warm against your chilled skin.

“I would never do that,” your voice quivered in a way it never had before, your hands flying up to cup Ray’s cheeks before you could stop them. The tight hold that he had on your arms was forgotten. Your focus had switched from feeling caged in to desperately wanting to put an end to whatever it was that you had just heard.

You didn’t know why, but the idea of raising your hand against Ray, spitting insults at him and beating him down like so many other people had before made you feel sick at your very core. You rejected the idea completely, horrified that he had even suggested such a thing to you.

“You can’t say that,” you continued, hands trembling against his damp cheeks, swiping clumsily at the tears that littered his skin. “I would never do that to you, Ray. Please don’t say that.”

You hadn’t expected to hear something of that caliber, and it had shocked you so deeply that you felt light-headed and sick. Your hands fell from his cheeks to his shoulders, your arms trembling as the emotions that had been building up inside of you finally took over, making you feel flimsy and weak.

Ray’s eyes widened, locked on your face, and the flush that he had adopted through his angry shouting drained quickly, leaving him looking paler than usual.

“Ah-” Ray’s lips quivered. His grip on your arms slackened considerably before he let go completely. Gloved hands cupped your cheeks in the same way you had done to him seconds before, his thumbs wiping at the tears that had managed to fall from your eyes. He touched you tenderly, almost feather-light, but the look in his eyes was so agonized that your eyes watered over once again.

“No,” Ray caught the tears as they fell, only looking more distressed, “don’t cry. I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please don’t cry over me. I don’t deserve your tears.”

A hissed curse left Ray’s lips, but he no longer sounded angry. The glare on his face had disappeared, and was replaced by a look of shame. “I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot to make you cry.”

It was difficult for you to keep yourself together. You felt like you had dipped your toes into your emotions, letting just enough show that the rest was threatening to spill out, to reduce you to the quivering mess you had been hiding for weeks. You hadn’t been much of a crier, especially after joining Mint Eye. But now, the urge to give in and throw a tantrum, if for no other reason than to finally let out some of your pent-up feelings, was stronger than ever. You wanted the world to know just how much it had been tormenting you.

But you knew that would do you no good. You would have to continue to suppress it, to hold yourself together as best as you could. Now was not the time.

You didn’t know if you would ever truly find the time, but that was a question to entertain later.

“No, it’s not your fault,” you told him, hands still resting atop his shoulders like you were keeping yourself together by holding onto him. “It’s just- I would never hurt you like that, Ray. I would never raise my hand against you. Nobody ever should.”

The tips of Ray’s gloves were now damp against your skin. His eyebrows furrowed together, making him look pained and conflicted. 

“I would rather you do that than leave me,” he told you, voice low and wavering. “I can take it.”

It felt like Ray was actively trying to twist your heart out of your chest. You had never felt shittier about your plans than you did now. Ray’s eyes, a watery mint, stared at you with such pained sincerity that you felt yourself beginning to waver. A part of you felt so angry that things had to be this way.

Why couldn’t things have been different? Why couldn’t you have just continued to hate Ray, to see him as nothing more than a methodical, ruthless captor? Why did you have to complicate things for yourself so much by empathizing to the point that you lost your objectivity?

You weren’t sure if you could lie to Ray while he looked at you like that. His words were spinning around in your head, playing on repeat like they were trying to torture you. The guilt that you felt at that moment was so strong that it weighed down on your shoulders, making you feel tired and ashamed.

Without thinking too much, you took hold of Ray’s shoulders gently, pulling him closer. He got the hint immediately and crashed into you, allowing his head to rest against your chest, just below your chin. He practically melted into you, hands falling from your face to grip your shirt, holding onto you tightly. It was as if you were the only thing keeping him rooted to the Earth, like if he let go of you he would lose you forever.

The warmth of Ray’s body against yours chased away some of the chill in the room. You let your chin lower just enough to rest against his head, the strands of his bleached hair tickling your skin gently. The faint scent of flowers settled over you, draping you with a warm familiarity that let your heart, which had been thumping frantically, calm down just enough for you to stop feeling like you were seconds away from passing out.

Neither of you said a word as minutes passed you by. You weren’t sure what exactly prompted such a swift fall into silence, but you needed it desperately. You were exhausted, both mentally and physically, and you had the distinct impression that Ray was too, if not more so than you. You hadn’t ever been an expert with emotions, especially your own. You had proven that to yourself many times before. You hadn’t lost everybody in your life because they were the problem; the common denominator was always  _ you.  _ It wasn’t any surprise when you ended up alone. For a time, you liked it. Nobody bothered you, nobody criticized you or tried to tell you how to live. You were independent, solitary, completely on your own, and that was fine. You thought that you were capable enough to handle things by yourself, and maybe you had been for a time. 

But when things had started to go wrong, you were stuck too far in your own head to consider reaching out for help. You had been stubborn, insistent on fixing things yourself, even when your situation got to the point where it should have been obvious that everything had spun out of your control. You had pushed everybody out of your life, and you knew that none of them had looked back when they left. You had nobody to rely on when you most needed it, and the only person to blame was you.

You hadn’t realized how badly you’d needed somebody in your life until you found a person that you could genuinely connect with on some level. Even though you knew your relationship with Ray was problematic at its core, once you had gotten a taste of the comfort of another person that you’d missed for so long, you clung onto it. All of the rationalizings in the world would never have helped you stay objective towards Ray because you’d consistently ignored directly addressing the problem: you actually liked him. And once you realized that, you were unable to turn things back around. You had been slow, as usual, and it was too late. 

Even now, you were still trying to justify your actions to yourself. You were trying to find logic where there was none, just so that you could try to understand yourself when you had never been more confused. It was easy for you to tell yourself that embracing Ray was nothing more than a way to comfort him. You knew that physical contact usually got through to him. Ray was the definition of touch-starved, always clinging to you in some way or another. At some point, you had become used to it. Gradually, you had even started initiating the same contact, if only to calm him down when he was upset.

But now, as you held Ray close to you, you realized that you were finding comfort in him, too. Everything about Ray, from the feeling of his jacket under your fingertips to the scent of flowers that seemed to follow him everywhere, was familiar to you, igniting a warm feeling in your chest that taunted you. You allowed yourself to sit with that feeling for the long minutes that the two of you spent silently, trying to understand yourself and the emotions you’d unwittingly started feeling.

Ray was calming you down as much as you were trying to calm him down. The only difference was that you knew this was a front, a temporary distraction from a huge problem that would not leave you be. You knew that someday, you would have to force yourself away from Mint Eye, and you wouldn’t be able to ignore the way that Ray would fall apart, because you would be the cause. 

Your grip on him tightened ever so slightly.

You didn’t want that. You didn’t want to be the bad guy to Ray. The thought of him sitting alone in this room, for hours on end, was agonizing to you. Despite everything that Ray had done to you, it was getting harder and harder to blame him. You could never resign yourself to staying at Magenta. You hated this place with a burning passion. But at the same time, you weren’t sure if you would be able to leave Ray behind. You had already failed once, and you knew that time wasn’t the answer. You would likely fail again unless something drastic happened.

Where did that leave you?

You sat in silence, your thoughts running through your head at the speed of light. You had entertained the idea of convincing Ray to leave Magenta before. It was your way of trying to find any sort of happy medium, and to you, it was the ideal solution. You didn’t want to leave Ray behind and you didn’t want to stay; taking him with you was the only answer. 

Except you knew that Ray would likely completely reject the idea. Mint Eye was a safe place in his mind, despite it being anything but. It offered him stability, security, and a place to belong. Mint Eye gave Ray a role to fill. He felt useful and accepted, even though the Savior was only exploiting him and preying on his vulnerabilities to get him to do her dirty work. To you, it was obvious, but you knew that Ray was hardly aware of what was really going on around him.

Getting Ray to leave Magenta was a fool’s hope. You had never been the most hopeful, but you had proven yourself a fool many times before. Perhaps that was why your mouth opened, prompting you to speak before you’d truly weighed the risks of doing so. 

“Ray,” your voice broke the long-lasting silence, somehow both too loud and too quiet as it filled the frigid air. “Can I ask you something?”

You expected Ray to pull away and look at you, but he stayed buried in your shirt, holding onto you with the same desperation to keep you close. He hummed what sounded like an agreement, muffled against you. You felt the vibrations of his voice through your perch on his head. It was oddly intimate.

You weren’t sure how to word your queries, so you decided to take the most gentle approach you could think of. Inching your way toward this topic seemed a safer idea than diving right in and upsetting him once more. Though the two of you had been sitting in silence for longer than you’d intended, you knew the current state of your situation was fragile at best.

“What do you like about this place? Why are you here?” You tried to remain as cautious and sensitive to his emotions as you could like you were asking out of pure interest rather than because you were trying to steer the conversation towards a specific topic. 

Your gentle approach seemed to work well enough that Ray didn’t immediately become alarmed. He remained pressed up against you. One of his hands, which had been gripping your sleeve, loosened his grip. He began to toy with a loose thread absentmindedly. You paid no mind, focused completely on his response. 

“My Savior brought me here,” Ray’s words were less muffled this time, leaving you able to understand what he was saying. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Everyone abandoned me. My Savior gave me a place to belong and welcomed me into Paradise.”

You bit at the inside of your lip, trying to figure out how to articulate your thoughts without upsetting him.

“And you- you like it here?” Was your next question. You knew that Ray could likely hear your heartbeat steadily growing faster and you hoped that he wouldn’t interpret it as you being nervous- even though that was exactly what was going on. 

Ray hummed another affirmative. “Yeah. I should be grateful that I was even offered a place in Paradise.”

“Even though you hardly get to sleep or eat?” You asked, trying to keep your voice as steady as you could to not betray the emotions that were beginning to rise again. “And the elixir- you like it?”

Ray was silent for a few seconds. You could practically hear the gears in his head turning. You weren’t surprised; you were lacking your usual finesse at the moment, with clumsy words and quickened heartbeats. You knew it would only be a matter of time before he caught on to the true intention of your questions.

_ Not yet,  _ you willed. You needed him to stay unaware for just a little bit longer. 

“I don’t mind working. It’s all that I’m good at here. I should be grateful that there’s something I’m useful for,” Ray eventually told you, still fiddling with the fabric of your sleeve as he spoke. “But I don’t like taking the elixir. It’s my least favorite part of this place. That’s why I don’t want you to have to take it, either.”

Your chest tightened, as did your hold on Ray, like if you held him a little bit closer, he might respond to your next question more favorably. A small sigh fell from you, the exhale gently blowing through Ray’s hair, causing it to tickle your chin yet again. Your heart was thrumming, beating fast and loud. The nerves in your stomach were ablaze once more, making you feel slightly restless.

You needed this to work.

“Ray,” you tried again, hesitating before you continued on, “would you leave this place with me?”

Ray stiffened immediately. A short, heavy silence blanketed the room, covering you with the distinct impression that you had almost certainly suggested something that wasn’t welcome.

Ray pulled away from you, sitting back up straight. There was a frown on his face, and even though he looked more confused than angry, it still wasn’t enough to bring you any comfort.

“We’re not supposed to talk about that,” Ray grabbed your hands tightly, staring directly into your eyes. He looked concerned as he spoke, lowering his voice. “Why would you want to leave?”

“Ray, this place-” you hesitated for a second, trying to cherry-pick the correct words from the whirlwind of thoughts filling your head, “this place isn’t right. Mint Eye doesn’t treat you right. You’re overworked, you hardly eat or sleep-”

Ray shook his head almost frantically, cutting you off quickly. “No. I don’t belong anywhere else,” he countered. “I’m too weak to survive outside.”

You were surprised at how easy it was for you to rebuke his words. You were determined. You wanted Ray to trust that he was more than the Savior claimed he was.

Ray deserved the chance to live a happy life, and you wanted him to believe that. 

“No, that’s not true at all,” you countered, struggling to keep your voice low in the heat of your desperation. “This place is lying to you. You deserve better than this. I could help you.”

You didn’t even completely realize what you were offering. When had you gotten so close to Ray that this was an option for you? When had you started to become comfortable enough around Ray that you were willing to help him in the outside world when you had previously been so solitary that you didn’t have a single person you considered a friend?

When had Ray become so important to you that the idea of leaving him behind was this agonizing?

Ray didn’t respond immediately. His eyes were still locked on yours, but they were filled with emotions that you were unable to easily decipher. He looked surprisingly conflicted, gripping your hands tightly, and you felt the smallest spark of hope.

“You…” Ray didn’t say anything else, his voice trailing away. He drew his eyebrows together slightly, leaving you wondering if there was a chance he might consider your suggestion after all.

“Please, Ray,” you squeezed his hands, running your thumbs over the fabric of his gloves as you did so. Your desperation was leaking into your voice. “We could go together. You don’t have to do it alone.”

“We’re not supposed to talk about that,” Ray repeated with increased urgency. “If they hear us talking about this, we’ll get cleansed.”

Ignoring the implications of his words was easier than you would have expected, though it likely helped that you were feeling more pressure to continue pushing your sentiments. Ray was considering your offer, and there was no way you would let that opportunity slip through your fingers.

“Nobody needs to hear,” you countered. “Please.”

Ray was silent for a few seconds more.

“Do you think that if I went with you, maybe I could…” he trailed off, eyes losing their focus like his mind was traveling far away. He seemed deep in thought about something, but his unfinished question gave you hope. 

You needed Ray to believe that he could live amongst the rest of society. If it took your help to make that happen, you were more than happy to offer it.

“No,” Ray cut himself off, shaking his head suddenly. “We shouldn’t be talking about this. Don’t  _ ever  _ talk about this again, okay? We can be happy here. I promise.”

You didn’t know whether to feel disappointed at Ray’s dismissal or hopeful that he seemed to have genuinely considered the prospect, brief as though it was. You had expected complete resistance, but his reaction told you that there might have been a part of Ray that genuinely wanted better. It was buried beneath layers of careful manipulation and forged obedience, but it was there nonetheless. 

Ray might have been resisting the idea now, but if you held on a bit more and pushed a little bit harder, there might have been a chance that you would actually get through to him. You hadn’t expected that in the slightest, but you were damned if you were going to give up this easily.

You had never felt this motivated before.

Before either of you could say another word, a frantic knocking at the door scared you so bad that you jumped, forcing you out of the depths of your mind. 

“ _ Mr. Ray!”  _ The voice on the other side of the door sounded frantic. 

Ray sat up straight, a frown growing on his face. All of the traces of soft affection he’d been looking at you with disappeared from his features in a split second as he responded. “What is it?”

“ _ The traitor has returned! _ ” The person shouted, his words causing your eyes to widen. “ _ He’s been captured!” _

You couldn’t stop the horror from flooding your face. Ray sprung into action, letting go of your hands as he flew to his feet. You felt a sudden chill seep into your bones, leaving you feeling cold amidst the shock that had pooled in your stomach. Your hands remained suspended in midair where Ray had been previously holding them.

You were like a statue, unable to move, as a thick stone of dread settled in your gut, filling you with nausea so strong that you were suddenly dizzy.

V had been captured.

_ Oh shit.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First- and this is really important- I do have something to update you guys on. I don't usually talk too much about the specifics of my personal life, but this affects the story so I'll be sharing it with you anyways lol. I mentioned in the notes of the last chapter that I was sick. Unfortunately, I'm still pretty ill. I'm going to get tested for covid tomorrow. While I don't think I actually have it, I can't go into any clinic with respiratory symptoms unless I test negative because of the risk of possibly spreading covid to other patients. My doctor was very clear about that. So, while I wait for results there's a chance I might stay sick, because I have to keep waiting for medical care and I've already been sick for a week. I have underlying cardiac and respiratory issues as it is and my immune system is already shot due to unrelated health issues so I'm not in a great position to get sick. 
> 
> So, if my next chapter is late, please bear with me. I appreciate everyone's understanding. <3 I love this story and writing makes me feel better. I really hate being this sick, and I don't want the quality of this fic to suffer so I won't post anything if it doesn't meet my standards. While I love to write, it's really important to me to ensure that the story is well-done and that you guys enjoy reading it without feeling like the quality is taking a hit. I don't really expect it to come to that, but if it does, you guys know what's going on and that I have no intention of abandoning this fic.
> 
> Segwaying off of that, I did actually write this one while sick (can someone say hypocrite???) and though I proofread it extensively, if the writing isn't my usual style, that's probably why. I don't think it came out too bad, and hopefully, you guys think the same thing. I liked this one actually. Of course, I can't leave things too fluffy between the reader and Ray, as there's still a lot more to happen and I don't think that realistically, things would be very stable between the two of them at this point in time. And all of this chapter was important, but it might be a minute until it comes back into play. So, while it might seem sort of random, please know that everything in this has a purpose- and I'm sure everyone will know what I'm talking about once we get there. :)
> 
> Thanks as always to everybody who left Kudos/comments on my last chapter. It's so exciting to me when I get to hear from everyone. Your comments are always so uplifting and motivating. Every time somebody has something kind to say, it makes me happy for the rest of the day. I absolutely love getting feedback and incorporating it into the fic. You guys play a huge part in this story, as you help me understand what I need to improve and what I'm doing right. If there's anything anybody wants to say, please feel free to leave a comment. Your words play a bigger role than you realize. :)
> 
> With that being said, I'm going to take off and get a large q-tip shoved up my nose tomorrow. I really hope everybody stays safe and healthy, especially as school starts back up again. Remember to take care of yourselves and to make the most out of this semester if you can. This, too, shall pass. :)


	16. To Take A Closer Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you do a lot of waiting, gather some useful, if not shocking intel, and see a new side to someone you thought you knew.

The time that you spent waiting in the workroom was torturous. 

After you had received the news that V had been caught, Ray hurried from the room, sparing you little more than a rushed goodbye before the door was shut behind him. The silence that befell you allowed uncharacteristically loud thoughts to rage through your head without mercy, plaguing you with instant anxiety. 

You had remained still for a few minutes, completely overrun by shock. It had only been hours ago that you learned V was even in the building, but he had already been caught? You would have thought he would have held out for longer. He had already been sneaking around Magenta for longer than you knew, completely unnoticed, but this time it had only been a matter of hours before he was seen. You had made eye contact with him outside of the throne room, where you had left Miyeon with the Savior, and a sinking feeling blanketed itself over you as you ran scenarios through your mind. 

Had another Believer recognized him? Had he recklessly tried to intervene to save Miyeon, just like he had a few nights ago? Had the Savior been present?

What were they going to do to him?

You felt sick to your stomach. The only certainty was that V was in huge danger. You had known since your arrival that Mint Eye was not above forcibly drugging and hurting those who they deemed deserving. You were living proof of their lack of mercy. They would stop at nothing to achieve their goals. The Savior had been harsh enough on you, forcing you to choke and sputter on battery acid that burned you alive from the inside out for hours on end. She had smiled at you, self-satisfied, while you writhed on the stone ground at her feet like an insect. You were an animal ready for the slaughter, and she relished in the power she held over you in that moment.

But they had gone easy on you in comparison to what they would likely do to V. At least you weren’t considered an enemy. V, on the other hand, would certainly suffer a fate much worse than yours. What you had gone through was bad enough; you couldn’t imagine what they would possibly do to up the stakes. Part of you didn’t want to know. The very thought made you feel sick to your stomach.

They had drugged you and kept you locked up, allowing you to suffer alone for hours on end. What more was this place capable of that you hadn’t been exposed to? You had known that Magenta hid shadows darker than what you had seen, but you kept yourself from thinking about it with a naive hope that if you played your cards right, you could remain ignorant of what waited beneath the surface. Now, you felt woefully unprepared, leaving you feeling queasy and light-headed as you struggled to keep yourself from dwelling on what might be happening to V at that moment. 

God forbid he had gotten Miyeon in more trouble. You hadn’t heard anything about her since leaving, but you remembered that the Savior had expressed her desire to spend a few days with your amber-eyed partner. If V had made it obvious that he was on the same side as Miyeon, would she suffer an unjust fate, too? If that was the case, you would feel even more helpless than you did at this moment. There was nowhere for you to go; nothing you could do to stop this from happening.

You remembered the way that the Savior had spoken to Miyeon. She had been intimate, attentive, and almost friendly. You had felt nothing but dread when you had first witnessed the extent of the Savior’s interest in Miyeon. Now, though, you found yourself hoping that it would work in her favor. Maybe the Savior would be lenient with Miyeon, just like Ray was lenient with you. Emotion clouded one’s judgment. You could only hope that there was at least a little bit of humanity left in the Savior. 

Still, that hope was of little comfort. It was too risky to be reliable, and without any certainty, you couldn’t feel better. You found yourself sitting stiffly in your chair, bouncing your leg, biting your cuticles or the inside of your cheek; whatever would rid you of the most nervous energy. Your head was a hurricane of anxiety and you had no way of placating your fears. Everything was up in the air, and you were left in the dark. All you could do was obsess over the very things you could not change.

You had no way of making time pass by any faster. Seconds seemed longer than usual, and minutes dragged by, stretching into one of the most torturous hours of your life. The entirety of this time, you were swimming in your head, worried about too many things to be able to keep everything straight. 

The halls outside of the workroom were quiet. It was already late into the night. You were sure that even if there were Believers gossiping nearby, they definitely wouldn’t be loud enough for you to hear anything. All you could do was wait, and you hated that with a passion.

You had grown tired of waiting weeks ago. When you looked back on your life, you were suddenly unable to understand how you had been so complacent just sitting alone in your apartment for so long. Now, the last thing you wanted to do was sit still. You longed to do something, anything to figure out what was going on outside of the metal door that kept you cut off from the rest of the world.

But the world would not allow you such a privilege. You would have to sit still and wait, locked up in a tiny room like a bird in a birdcage. It was like some sort of twisted punishment for the laziness that you’d allowed to ruin your life before coming here. For the first time in recent memory, you wanted to be able to move, but for the first time, you were not allowed the opportunity to do so. This had been a constant since your induction into Mint Eye and you weren’t expecting it to change anytime soon.

Still, that didn’t make it any easier.

By the time you heard the door unlock, you had been sitting far too stiff for far too long, leaving your joints feeling sore. The second that the door opened you sat back up straight, looking over to your new visitor. Ray walked in quickly, still moving like he was in a rush. As the door fell shut behind him, he took a seat in his chair, fingers flying over the keyboard immediately.

“Sorry,” Ray spared you a short apology, but he was already fixated on the computer screen. “Give me just a second, okay?”

You nodded, moving your own chair just a bit closer to be able to look at the monitor. Ray was so absorbed in whatever he was doing that he didn’t notice you creeping a bit closer. You saw him pull up the logs to the RFA server on his screen, typing away at his keyboard in record speed.

A few messages started popping up on a different screen depicting an opened chatroom. You caught sight of them, squinting a bit to read them from where you were sitting. The interface was painfully familiar, the messages flying up so quickly that you were just barely able to make out the letters.

  
  


Miyeon has entered the chatroom.

V has entered the chatroom.

**V:**

Miyeon

**V:**

don’t listen

**V:**

to Rika you mjst never

liestren to her…

Yoosung★ has entered the chatroom.

**Yoosung★:**

V?

**Miyeon:**

V! Are you alright?

  
  


_Rika…?_

Where had you heard that name before? And why was it being brought up now?

Your heart was thudding in your chest, your mouth dry with nerves. Ray hissed a curse, and the screen suddenly changed, returning to the familiar scrolling of bright green code atop a dark blue background until Ray gained full access to the chatroom. He typed quickly, focused so heavily on his work that he hadn’t even noticed you were able to read the messages being sent to the chat.

  
  


**Ray:**

Sorry.

**Ray:**

My Savior said you’re not

supposed to talk yet.

  
  


You remained quiet as Ray returned to the coding he had pulled up on his main monitor. He typed in what looked like mostly gibberish to you, but the second that he was done, you glanced up to the screen to see that Miyeon had been forced out of the chatroom. The code flashed over the screen again before the chatroom returned to normal. As soon as he was done, Ray closed the tab, denying you further access to the chatroom and the messages that were still being sent.

Immediately, you turned your head away from that screen, trying to pretend like you hadn’t very clearly been snooping, your head whirling with shock.

V had been in the chatroom. So had Miyeon, before Ray had kicked her out.

At the very least, they were both still alive. That brought you some relief, but not enough to make you feel too much better. V’s messages had been frantic and misspelled, indicating an urgency that you could feel through the screen.

But Rika? You’d heard that name before and you knew it. It was on the tip of your tongue, the forefront of your mind, just barely out of reach. Another piece of the puzzle that, at the moment, was just confusing you more. You attempted to keep yourself at least somewhat composed as Ray sighed, sounding both stressed out and frustrated.

He looked to be done typing. You needed answers, but you were unwilling to give away that you had been snooping. It was a complete fluke that you’d gotten away with reading the messages. Ray was usually meticulous with his work, but he seemed immensely preoccupied at the moment, and you were willing to take whatever you could get. You knew that Ray wouldn’t react well if he knew that you were reading the RFA’s messages. So when you finally spoke you did so carefully, hoping you could tactfully piece together what was going on.

“Ray,” you tried, furrowing your eyebrows in obvious confusion. “What’s going on?”  
  


Ray finally looked over at you, mint eyes landing on your figure. He glanced back up at the code for a few more seconds before closing that screen as well and finally responding to you.

“We caught the traitor,” he told you. “He was sneaking around the gardens where Savior and the tester were speaking. He tried to run away with the tester again, but the guards that were waiting caught him this time.”

_Guards?_

“They were waiting?” You asked, eyebrows raised up in surprise. “You mean, they knew he was coming?”

Shit. They must have known that V was back way before you had seen him. Or, at the very least, somebody had made an educated guess that turned out to be very accurate.

Ray nodded. “The Savior figured that he would come back eventually. It was arrogant of him to think that he could pull the same trick twice. But we finally caught him, so we don’t have to worry about him sneaking around anymore.”

Ray sounded satisfied enough, but you were still buzzing with nerves.

“What’s going to happen to him?” You asked, though the slow fraying of your mind indicated that you may not be able to handle the answer.

“That depends on the Savior’s decision,” Ray spun his chair so that he was facing you completely. “But I think she wants to have him thoroughly cleansed. The elixir… if you take too much of it, it can really hurt a person. That’s why we only take a little bit at a time. But I think she wants to use it to hurt him.”

Your heart was fluttering in your chest, beating against your ribcage. You couldn’t forget how much the elixir had messed you up after you took it. You were aware that the initiation ceremony usually involved a bit more elixir than the standard doses that were taken regularly, but even in small amounts, the elixir was damaging. The initiation was like being hazed; you had to suffer to prove that you belonged to Paradise. You had to truly commit to earn yourself a place at Magenta. But once wasn’t enough. The Savior wanted to keep her Believers compliant, and keeping them drugged was an optimal way to do that.

You couldn’t imagine what would happen if even more elixir had been shoved down your throat. You had thought that the singular bottle you’d been forced to ingest was going to kill you. You had laid on the hard ground for hours, next to a puddle of your own vomit, covered in dirt and sweat, wishing that you would close your eyes and remain asleep so that you wouldn’t have to wake up to the nightmare that was your reality.

It wasn’t hard for you to imagine that, after taking too much of the elixir, one would close their eyes and they would remain closed, whether they wanted them to or not. That thought frightened you considerably. You knew very well that Mint Eye was extremely twisted in the most grotesque ways, but there were some topics that your mind had refused to think about until now. You didn’t want to imagine that they would kill somebody, but with the hatred that the Savior held for V, you weren’t sure. 

You barely contained a shudder.

This was too much. 

You knew that V had been involved in this for a long time; much longer than you had been. You could remember how relieved you had been upon learning that you weren’t in this alone. First you found Miyeon, then V, and even the RFA. You had felt some of the burden upon your shoulders beginning to lift, like you actually had a chance at escape if you could play your cards right and hold out for a little bit longer. You had a team, and that brought you more relief than you ever imagined possible.

But if somebody died here, or was harmed the way that V was about to be harmed, you couldn’t help thinking that you would rather do this alone. There was a part of you that blamed yourself. It was a train of thought that was hard for you to follow because it was irrational, born out of anxiety, but strong nonetheless. You hated that you felt so guilty over something that you knew you had very little control over. You weren’t the bad guy, but a part of you still felt like one.

You didn’t know what had happened between the Savior, V, and Ray, but you knew that you couldn’t condone violence like this. You had been lying and playing along, but things were escalating too far past what you could morally stand. The thought that you were involved in something that was proving itself to be this dangerous frightened you for a multitude of reasons, but mainly because it could very well be you in V’s position someday. The Savior had made that very clear, and through V, she was unknowingly proving to you that she would make good on her threats if she needed to.

It was the sound of your name coming from Ray’s lips that caught your attention. You met his eyes, which were curiously focused on you like he was trying to look right into your head.

“Is everything okay?” Ray asked you, his head tilted ever so slightly. “You look unhappy.”

There were too many things in your head and most of them you were unable to express in front of Ray. The last thing you wanted him to know was that you were genuinely worried about V. So, you settled for the next best thing, hoping that he wouldn’t pry too much.

“What exactly is a cleansing?” You asked Ray as a distraction, trying to approach the topic with some caution. You had heard mention of cleansings multiple times and had a decent idea about what they were, but you had never really asked. You hadn’t truly wanted to know because it was easier to avoid the more disturbing parts of Mint Eye rather than to confront them head-on. But if V was going to experience this and if you were possibly at risk, then it was something you needed to know.

Even if you thought that the details might bring you more discomfort than you wanted to deal with, you couldn’t afford to be ignorant anymore.

Ray took a few seconds to consider your question before finally answering. “The cleansing ceremonies are only used on Believers who are showing signs of corruption,” he told you. “There haven’t been many since Mint Eye was founded.”

Ray looked so comfortable answering that question that you felt a chill wash over you. Your arms prickled with goosebumps as you considered his words, which were too vague to have truly answered your question.

“Oh,” you responded, trying to mask your discomfort. “Well, what happens during the ceremony?”

Ray’s eyes lost their focus for a second, like he was looking back at something. A few quiet seconds passed before he seemed to return to the present, meeting your gaze once again. “The people being cleansed are made to drink more elixir than usual. It puts them into a state where they’re able to better understand the Savior’s words. When they’re more receptive, the Savior can chase away the corruption afflicting them and bring them peace once again.”

You found that the room was colder than you remembered it being. The image somebody standing over a person, forcing them to drink the elixir, and then taking advantage of them when they were reduced to such a weakened state made you feel queasy. No wonder any “corruption” would be chased away. The people in question were probably so sick and tormented that they would have done anything just to get the cleansing to finally stop. If they were already weakened from suffering in the outside world, their minds would eventually just snap. No wonder the Believers were so lifeless. They had likely reached a point where submission was better than the alternative.

You could argue that you were already approaching the same fate. You had eventually submitted to Ray to a certain degree, even without the usage of the elixir. You were lucky to have retained your clarity of mind, and it was that sanity that allowed you to silently rebel. You weren’t sure if you would have been able to do so if your body was constantly filled with that unknown chemical compound. 

Remembering Ray’s words from earlier, that you were risking a cleansing by so much as talking about leaving Mint Eye, left a sour taste in your mouth. You didn’t want to imagine the Savior standing over you, eyes glinting, forcing elixir down your throat and speaking words of poison into your ears. What kind of a mess would you be reduced to if you were forced to undergo a cleansing? Even just your initiation had left you extremely sick and weak for days on end. 

It may have been easier in the short-term to not think about some of the nightmarish things that took place at Magenta, but that only amplified your horror when you were made to truly think about it later. Your awareness of your fragile safety was suddenly at the forefront of your mind as a reminder that if you didn’t act carefully and keep yourself in check, it could very well be you at the center of the next cleansing ceremony. And you didn’t want that at all. 

“If he’s being cleansed,” you paused for a second, trying to word your query with caution, “does that mean that he’s going to join Mint Eye?”

It took Ray only a split second to contort his face into a sneer of disgust at your question. He looked so genuinely angry that he was unrecognizable for a second, and it shot a cold spear of fear through your heart, even though you knew that this anger wasn’t directed at you.

“No,” he practically spat. “Never. That traitor doesn’t have a place in Paradise. His ceremony will be as an example to the rest of the Believers and as a way for the Savior to exact her revenge. This cleansing won’t be the same as the others have been. I’ll make sure of that.”

You tried to look past Ray’s words, but the way he spoke so easily about something that, to you, was nothing short of horrifying, had you feeling deeply unsettled. You knew that he held contempt for V, but you had never seen him look so eager to actually hurt somebody.

You didn’t want to imagine that Ray was capable of something so evil, but the glint of malice in his mint eyes had you entering a state of disbelief.

Who were you looking at?

Was this the same person that threaded flowers through your hair? The same person that held you when you so desperately needed comfort? The same person that would move hell and high water to keep you safe? Were the gloved hands that caressed your cheeks and wiped your tears away the same ones that would take part in a ceremony meant only to bring pain?

You couldn’t believe it. It didn’t sound real to you. It couldn’t be real. Ray was good at heart; you knew that for a fact. He had been wounded, twisted by the words of a person who wanted only to cause pain and bring about despair. 

There was no way he was capable of something so horrible. Ray had stalked you and drugged you, sure, but _this_?

This conflicted with everything you had come to learn about him.

You wanted to believe that Ray was good. You had come to genuinely care about him throughout the weeks that you’d spent at Magenta. Maybe it was because you were infinitely stubborn, but you refused to believe that Ray would harm another person in the way he was describing. You weren’t sure what you would do if he was capable of something as terrible as a cleansing.

Everything about Mint Eye was so _wrong_. How had you forgotten so easily what kind of a place you were in? Had you allowed yourself to grow accustomed to what you knew was already twisted just so you could get by a little bit easier? Had you just become desensitized over time without realizing it?

You were horrified. You couldn’t believe that you had gotten yourself so deeply entangled with Magenta that you had grown used to some of the horrors that resided within.

Ray, still attuned to your distress, seemed to misinterpret what it was that you were upset about. 

“You don’t have to worry,” Ray scooted his chair a bit closer to you, reaching over to take your hands in his. Despite the conflicts raging inside your head, you allowed him to clasp his gloved hands around yours. He looked at you tenderly, the anger having melted into something much more intimate as he regarded you. “I won’t let him come near you again. I’ll protect you. I can do that now.”

Ray spoke sweetly, as if he was proud of his accomplishments. In his head, capturing V and hurting him was an action to ensure your safety. To keep you untainted, ensure you would stay at Magenta, glued to his side in this tiny room.

It was so wrong. Everything about this situation was twisted at its core. You were an innocent bystander, roped into something grotesque and dangerous, and you never had a choice. Now, you were unable to get back out, falling deeper every day into a confusing mess that had you scrambling to uncover what the truth was despite knowing that it would only get worse as you discovered more. Your feelings were leading you astray constantly, scrambling your mind and clouding your judgment.

Even now, with Ray’s mint eyes looking at you like you were the only thing in his world, you were confused. You wanted desperately for everything you believed about him to be true. You knew that he had been manipulated and led astray by somebody horrible who had taken advantage of his vulnerabilities. Ray was littered with festering wounds, red and raw, that were never given the chance to heal properly. In his mind, he was doing everything necessary to protect himself and the person he claimed to care most about- you.

And your status as a person important to Ray ensured that you were involved with Mint Eye, its twisted ways of functioning, and the secrets in the shadows. You had never had a choice, and you certainly weren’t going to have one now.

“I hope you don’t let them sway you,” Ray finally said after you hadn’t answered for a prolonged period of time. He was looking at you earnestly, trying to read your thoughts.

You met his eyes again, your eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean?”

“The traitor. Or the tester, or anyone else. The Savior trusts the tester, but I’m not sure,” Ray tightened his grip on your hands slightly.

It was quiet for a few seconds as you took in Ray’s words, allowing them to settle in your head. You didn’t respond, and Ray seemed to take that as a form of hesitation. He spoke up again, eyes still trained on you. “You’ve listened to me so well, even up until now. I’ve always really liked that about you.”

You still didn’t say anything. Your heart was beating in your chest, and you found that you were slowly growing more unsettled at Ray’s words. The way he was speaking sounded almost predatory. Maybe it was just the preexisting confusion lingering in your mind, but you found that Ray didn’t sound like himself.

It almost reminded you of the way he’d spoken to you when you first met. When he’d called you every day, claiming to be watching you and expressing his desire to whisk you away.

That person felt like somebody completely different than the Ray you were now used to being with. You were getting glimpses of why you had initially feared him, and you weren’t enjoying the reminder.

“I hope you keep listening to what I say,” Ray’s thumb caressed over the back of your hand as he spoke. “I’m the one who’s going to be with you until the very end. You just need to keep trusting me, like you have so far. The more you trust me, the more I can treasure you.”

Your fingers interlaced Ray’s on their own, like you were searching for comfort and familiarity through the action despite the conflicts raging in your head. Your mind was so confused, so scrambled that nothing was making sense to you at the moment. This wake-up call that you’d received was throwing you off in more ways than one, and you didn’t know how to turn off the sudden flood of cold water that was washing over you. You squeezed Ray’s hands, desperate for _something,_ and you weren’t sure if you’d found it even when he squeezed your hands in return.

“You’re adorable,” a good-natured grin lifted the corners of Ray’s lips, his cheeks turning pink like the affection you were giving him was going straight to his heart. “You’re everything. I’ll keep you safe, so keep listening to what I say. You trust me, right?”

It took you a second to process that you’d been asked a question. Even after your mind wrapped itself around the inquiry, you still felt a little slow. Nevertheless, you managed a tight smile, which felt fake and fragile, and nodded your head.

It was enough for Ray.

He let go of your hands to raise his own up to your cheeks, which he cupped with a smile. Ray leaned in at the same time as he coaxed you a little bit closer, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, just beneath your hairline. You were overcome by the scent of flowers that followed him everywhere, igniting a familiar warmth in your chest, despite the chill that had no intention of leaving you be. 

Before you had a second to catch up to what was happening, Ray leaned into you, pressing his forehead against your own, allowing it to stay there as his hands fell back down to hold onto your own once more. His eyes had fluttered shut, but yours remained open in surprise. Ray was impossibly close, looking as content as you’d ever seen him, his bangs brushing against your forehead. His red eyelashes, long and dainty, curled against the skin under his eyes. Despite yourself, you briefly wondered what Ray looked like with his natural hair color; it was hard to imagine him as a redhead.

A small chuckle fell from Ray, his breath warm as it hit your lips, enticing a strange shiver to crawl up your spine. You just barely suppressed it, the rapid beating of your heart beginning to reverberate around in your head. You were very conscious of your own posture. Your lips were slightly parted, shoulders and back tensed with shock, your fingers curled around Ray's.

It was a lot, but you didn’t move away. Something was stopping you from doing so, a paralytic that froze your muscles in place. For a few seconds, you stopped breathing, wondering if Ray was planning on coming even closer. Just a slight tilt of his head and the distance between the two of you would be eradicated in a way that you weren’t sure you were ready for.

You couldn’t breathe again until Ray spoke, finally allowing you to come to the conclusion that what you feared would happen was not taking place just yet.

“You’re so good to me,” Ray’s whisper was intimate, filled to the brim with affection and tranquility. “I’m the luckiest person alive, getting to see you and touch you like this every day.”

It was like Ray was basking in your presence. You remained silent, but he didn’t seem to mind. The pink that had spread over his cheeks was deepening to a red, tinging the tip of his nose and ears, causing them to look as rosy as his cheeks. 

Ray looked happy. Comfortable. 

Just because you were there. 

“I’ve never liked somebody like this before,” Ray’s admission was gentle, like he was glad to keep filling the silence between the two of you. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I keep on wanting to do more to see you smile or react to me. It’s hard to hold myself back sometimes.”

Ray tightened his grip on your hands, a sigh falling from his lips and fanning across your cheeks. “Thank you for staying with me.”

The quiet between you dragged on for a few seconds too long before you realized that this time, a response was expected from you. 

“Of course,” your voice sounded almost meek. It was like the breath had been stolen from your lungs, leaving you feeling small and quiet where you sat. 

Ray finally pulled away a little bit, remaining closer than usual while putting enough distance between the two of you that you felt like you could finally breathe again. His face was gently flushed, a tender smile spread across his lips. He pulled one of your hands up, planting a soft kiss to your knuckles. Your face felt warm, despite how conflicted you felt. 

Where was all of this coming from? Ray had told you he wanted to be bolder with you, but this was far more than you were expecting.

Your face was hot, your stomach buzzing with nerves as your heart thundered in your chest. It shouldn’t have been affecting you this much, but it was.

You wanted to tell yourself that this reaction was stemming from fear, but you knew better. You couldn’t fool yourself like that anymore, no matter how much you wanted to.

“I have to go,” he said. “There’s work for me to do. Wait here for me, okay? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

You felt queasy, but you nodded. “Sure,” you managed, your voice squeezing out past the lump in your throat. 

Ray’s eyes remained locked on your own, tenderly holding your gaze. He seemed to be deep in thought, his face still pink as his thumbs caressed your hands like they were made of glass. Something warm was glittering in his eyes, deep and intimate, and you struggled to put a name to it, too afraid of the implications if you let yourself think too much.

You couldn’t go there.

By the time Ray let go of your hands and stood up, you felt thoroughly exhausted. You returned his smile, though yours was tight, returning his simple farewell with one of your own. No further words were exchanged as Ray unlocked the door with his keycard, letting himself back out of the room with one last longing glance at you.

Once again, you were left to wait, alone. Though you had a bit more information now than you did earlier, you didn’t feel any less conflicted. You were confused, your head spinning and leaving you just as anxious as you had been before. 

You knew that the person who you had spoken to earlier was Ray, but it didn’t feel like him. It was like you had been looking at a completely different person, one who you didn’t know at all. You had grown familiar with Ray as a gentle person, if a little emotionally volatile. You relied on him for comfort and returned some of his affection, giving him genuine smiles and letting him see parts of you that you’d kept hidden for months. As irrational as it was, you cared for Ray and trusted him to a certain extent. But tonight, you had seen a flash of something darker that threw you off. 

It felt like you were looking at somebody completely different.

A violent shiver coursed through your body out of nowhere, your skin erupting in goosebumps. You felt cold, conflicted, and more alone than you’d felt in a long time.

But you didn’t have time to dwell on this for so long. 

You tried to push Ray out of your head for now. You had another name stuck in your head, swirling in circles, and you were struggling to remember why it felt so familiar.

Rika.

V had warned Miyeon not to listen to Rika. 

You furrowed your eyebrows a little bit, pressing your lips together tightly. You knew that you’d heard the name before. It held some significance to you, but you were unable to place any specific meaning to it.

It was times like these where you truly wished you had a notebook or some other way to keep track of the clues that you’d gathered over the weeks. There was too much information to keep it all properly cataloged in your head. You were already so rattled that thinking straight was proving to be a challenge. There was way too much going on in your mind.

Without a second thought, you pushed yourself out of your chair, crossing toward the other side of the room in a few steps. Fueled by a mixture of adrenaline and frustration, you took hold of the third drawer in the file cabinet and yanked on it with considerable force. With a series of noisy rattling, the drawer was forced past the obstruction that usually kept it blocked. Heart thumping, you reached in and took out the papers that you had looked through a few weeks before, leafing through them in hopes of finding something that could clue you back in on who Rika was.

Your fingers were trembling with anticipation. You had snooped through this drawer before, but you felt nervous as though it was your first time defying Ray. You knew that he was busy and likely wouldn’t catch you if you were quick enough, but you couldn’t help feeling anxious anyways.

You came across a familiar sheet of white paper and peeled it out from the pile, focusing on the black text across its surface. The header caught your eye just as quickly as it did that day, weeks ago, when you’d found yourself intrigued by this very same sheet of paper.

  
  


**_RFA_ **

_RFA - Rika’s Fundraising Association_

  
  


You stifled a curse, rolling your eyes at yourself in frustration.

Of course- Rika was the original founder of the RFA. How could you have forgotten that so easily?

Now that her identity was ascertained, you found yourself remembering the few ways in which you’d encountered her name over the weeks that you’d been at Magenta.

Miyeon had said that Rika had died, but that her body had never been recovered and that there were questions about her death that had been left unanswered.

You paused as V’s messages flitted through your head again. Your mouth went dry, eyebrows creasing as you began to put two and two together, coming to a conclusion that left your head spinning.

_‘Don’t listen to Rika.’_ That was what V had said to Miyeon. It was a warning, a plea. As if Rika, who was supposed to be dead, was somehow posing a direct threat to Miyeon. The implications of those messages were obvious, but you struggled to accept them.

It felt cartoonish to think that there was actually a chance that Rika’s death could have been faked, but it was one of the first thoughts that ran through your head.

Things like that just didn’t happen in real life. People didn’t actually fake their deaths just to escape and do heinous things. And if it did happen, there was no way you would somehow get yourself involved in something that outlandish. You were too normal, too ordinary to get mixed up in something that seemed too fantastical to be anything more than the plot of a cliche action movie. 

People didn’t just pretend to die so that they could go off and start a cult.

_It just didn’t happen._

But, then again, two months ago you wouldn’t have assumed that there was a cult like Mint Eye at all, especially not one that was hell-bent on revenge, routinely drugging their victims to keep them complicit and lifeless. You would never have believed that such an organization was operating in the shadows of society, hidden away in the mountains. And you certainly wouldn’t have ever assumed that you would find yourself kidnapped, forced to take that same drug, and confined to a small room with your captor. You would never have seen yourself as someone trying to actively uncover the truth about a religious cult. And you certainly never would have expected that you would get used to living in this prison cell, in close quarters with the man who held you here, making nice with him so often.

None of this happened in real life, especially not to ordinary people. But this was real life, and you were normal, and it was happening to you anyways.

You couldn’t rely on preconceived notions anymore. As unrealistic as it sounded, some of the puzzle pieces were beginning to fit together, forming a picture that you would never have imagined to be staring you in the face so plainly. As much as you wanted to deny it, you were not at liberty to do so anymore. What you thought was realistic clearly wasn’t all-inclusive. You had never been good at thinking outside of the box until you were forced to live outside of it.

Even so…

Would the founder of a charity organization, revered and clearly loved by its members, really do something like this? Could Rika, whoever she really was, have really faked her own death and started a cult just to plan revenge against the very association that she had created?

But on the other hand, it made sense. Whoever hated V enough to cause him this much pain would have to have been personally involved with him. And Rika made the cut.

Nobody could have planned this twisted, this complex of a vengeance against another person unless their motive was personal. Rika would have been involved with everybody in the RFA to some degree, planning parties with them and raising funds for charities. That was a lot of time spent with a small number of people. If she was angry enough with them, her rage could have been motivation enough for her to do something drastic. Especially if she had already been ill in the first place.

Your head was spinning, your eyes losing their focus. The words on the paper began to blur as you retreated back into your own head, struggling to make any sense of what was going on.

Everything just kept getting bigger, and you were slowly getting more and more involved. It didn’t make any sense that you had found yourself in the middle of something this twisted and complicated. These things just didn’t happen to you. You were nothing special.

And, yet, here you were.

“Damn it,” you cursed, rubbing at your temples as your head began to throb. The sick feeling that had descended upon you earlier was still present, making you feel both jittery and uncomfortable. You were unraveling some of the mystery of this place, but with every layer that you peeled back, you only found more things that you wished you hadn’t known.

You knew that you had hardly scratched the surface of whatever was at the center of Mint Eye. There were secrets hidden beneath more layers, twisted and nightmarish. Half of you was curious, but the other half didn’t want to know. You didn’t want to be involved with this anymore. If you had your way, you would have made your way out of this place a long time ago, never looking back.

But what choice did you have? The second that you had gotten into the car with Ray, he’d had you in his hands. From that moment, you were stuck. And if you wanted to get back out, you would have to keep exposing yourself to these secrets, even if they made you feel sick to your very core.

Rika, the founder of the RFA, must have been the Savior who’d threatened you so many times. Rika was the person with the malachite eyes, flowing gold hair that surrounded her like a halo, whispering honey-sweet words laced with poison. She was the one who had started Mint Eye, manipulated Ray, created the elixir, and allowed Magenta to come into existence as a place which festered evil. She was the one who wanted revenge on V and Seven, members of the organization which she’d so lovingly created.

And you, someone inconsequential, ordinary and painfully _normal,_ were in the middle of this. You were figuring out the Savior’s secrets, and you doubted that would be taken lightly.

You were painting a bright red target on your back, hoping that nobody would notice as you scrambled to take care of too many burdens that had fallen upon your shoulders.

This wasn’t good. V had been captured by the one person who wanted him dead. Miyeon was in the clutches of the Savior, or Rika, and you had no way of keeping her safe anymore. Ray was gone, happy with the knowledge that V was to be tortured, and you were left alone in this room with all of the information that you’d gained, unable to put any of it to use.

Things were going south very quickly, and you had no idea how you were going to turn any of it back around again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so much to all of you who left well-wishes on my last chapter. I was genuinely baffled by how many of you left uplifting comments- it was such a pleasant surprise and it really made being sick a little bit easier to deal with. I did get tested for COVID on Friday and luckily, I did test negative. When I tell you I've never been that happy to read an email, I'm not kidding. I was seriously worried. That being said, I'm still quite sick, but finally on some medication that should be kicking in soon enough :) So all should be back to normal eventually!
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoyed this one! I know this chapter is a tad shorter than usual, but it's at a point where if I added any more, it would have ended up WAY too long, haha. I feel that this one has a pretty big impact for obvious reasons, so I hope that makes up for the fact that it's a bit short. I also hope that it was written okay, as I was a little delirious at some points (I can't NOT write, like I have nothing else to do and I love this fic) so editing it was a journey. I spent a whole day proofreading.
> 
> There are some obvious changes taking place and I will say that they hint at something much bigger to come. If any of you caught on, I'm sure you know exactly what I mean. :) I don't want things to feel rushed, but the pace is definitely picking up.
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you who left Kudos and comments on my last chapter. The comments especially really cheered me up- I've been ill for two weeks now and reading what you guys have to say brought me such joy that it took away from just how awful I've felt lately. You're all so perceptive and smart, I'm always so impressed with the things you guys catch on to! It really motivates me to hear that there are people out there who genuinely enjoy my writing. It makes this feel so fulfilling and worthwhile. So if there's ever anything you want to say, please do leave a comment! Your words carry a massive impact. 
> 
> I hope you're all well, especially those of you who are going back to school! I start again on the 24th- my amazon cart is full of $400 worth of college textbooks and that expense is making the semester seem much more real. :/ Please take care of your health above all else and have a wonderful week!


	17. Dusk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be important information concerning future updates of this story, so please be sure to check the notes at the end of the chapter!

It hadn’t taken you too much longer before you succumbed to exhaustion while sitting at the desk. 

This time it was completely by accident. Like always, you planned on waiting for Ray to return. You were nervous and confused, apprehensive about the cleansing planned for V, and had questions that you wanted to be answered. But the fatigue that had been building for days was becoming too strong for you to resist, leaving you unceremoniously draped across the desk as your consciousness drifted away from you. It was an uncomfortable setup, your back bent oddly and your neck slightly twisted, but you were so exhausted that you slept right through gradual soreness that seeped into your bones.

You were used to falling asleep to the sound of typing through the door of your small bedroom. It was something that brought you comfort; the presence of another person who you were so used to being around ensured that you weren’t completely alone. You liked the setup because you had your own space, but there was somebody else nearby should you need the company. So your current solitude, mixed with the shock of the revelations that you’d had concerning the Savior and V’s approaching fate, left you feeling more alone than ever.

As much as Ray left you feeling confused, he was still a source of comfort to you. Though you didn’t know exactly when such a dramatic change had taken place, there was a point when his presence alone was enough to bring you some peace of mind. Now, though, you felt forsaken, trapped in the gray walls of this small room. The dark hours of the night dragged by slowly, allowing for the festering of anxiety-fueled thoughts that were considerably more grotesque than usual. You would have thought that your nerves were enough to keep you awake, but you quickly found that you were underestimating the extent of your fatigue. Before long, exhaustion had taken over, dragging you into a dreamless, ultimately uncomfortable sleep in your desk chair.

Before you finally fell asleep, you had been plagued by a foreboding feeling that things were changing irreversibly. You felt like the nuances of your current way of life were morphing again. You’d hardly grown used to your current routine; everything about Mint Eye was unpredictable and your life was following a similar pattern. It was like V’s capture had rattled everything, leaving you with uncomfortable revelations about the Savior and the extent of Ray’s fury. Things were changing in front of your very eyes, and you didn’t like ways in which these changes were taking place. The foundation of everything you’d grown even somewhat comfortable with was cracking, threatening to fall apart and bring down everything else with it.

You weren’t sure why, but you had the distinct feeling that something was coming and you worried that you weren’t prepared for it. V had been caught and Miyeon was stuck with the Savior. Whatever was going to happen was something that you would have to face alone. You had nobody to rely on. Even though you’d never formally spoken to V, you felt that you would have been able to trust him with some of your concerns. He was in a similar position as you, and that was enough for you to form a sense of camaraderie with the teal-haired man. Then there was Miyeon, who had been your partner for quite some time. Though you hadn’t had the opportunity to speak with her as often as you wanted to, the two of you had become fast friends in the time that you did have together. Though you were two distinctly different people, it was your similar backgrounds that led you both to fall victim to Mint Eye. You fit well together because of your differences. You had trusted her with your story and your fears, and you were able to act like yourself around her. Miyeon had been a breath of fresh air and a source of comfort; the friend that you had so desperately needed. Miyeon was smart, constantly observing those around her, and possessed an uncanny ability to make snap judgments that got her through crisis after crisis. If something went wrong, you trusted that she would be on your side. You wouldn’t have to go through everything alone

That had changed. Now, Miyeon was stuck with the Savior. She was out of your reach, and you had been confined in the workroom once more. You felt like everything had reverted back to your first days at Mint Eye where you were only permitted to leave if you needed to use the restroom. Though it was still stifling, you had initially been able to find some comfort in the fact that Ray was less of a stranger to you than he was at the beginning. You liked him, and because you saw him as more than just your captor, you felt like you could survive being confined again for a little bit longer if you had to. You had hoped that, at the very least, it would be easier this time around.

But after seeing Ray so eager to cause pain to V, you had faltered. You became unsure. It had been like looking at a completely different person, one who you didn’t know. You found yourself remembering the fear you’d suffered from when you first arrived at Mint Eye- how you’d had to walk around eggshells constantly, how you’d had been flighty and jerked away every time Ray tried to touch you. Traces of that same fear were beginning to return to you, and you hadn’t felt that way because of Ray in a longer time than you’d wanted to admit. You had grown used to the comfort he offered, and the idea that you might lose that was deeply unsettling.

You weren’t sure what to do about it. Currently, you were at a disadvantage in almost every way that you could think of. The only thing you had going for you was that you knew some of the secrets about Mint Eye and its Savior- Rika. But that information would only do you so much good if you couldn’t relay it to anyone. You couldn’t act, and you couldn’t communicate with your comrades. Everything that you knew would just linger in your mind, burdening you with an inability to act on what you’d learned.

You were very much stuck.

You weren’t sure what time it was when Ray finally came back, but you could tell that it was still late. You would have continued sleeping if he hadn’t woken you up upon his return. When you came to, you felt a hand on your shoulder blade, having shaken you just enough to wake you up. You were groggy, a thick fog in your head preventing you from returning completely to consciousness. When you glanced towards Ray, who had kneeled beside your chair, you found a tender smile spread across his lips. His cheeks were dusted a rosy pink as he gazed at you like you were the most precious thing in his world. The hand that had been on your back moved to caress your cheek gently and he remained quiet for a few seconds as you tried unsuccessfully to blink the sleep out of your eyes. 

“Cute,” Ray remarked, his voice low. “You must have been waiting for me.”

You didn’t have the energy to lift your head, much less to formulate a response. If you did, you might have remembered why you’d been waiting, but all you knew at the moment was that you were exhausted and wanted nothing more than to continue sleeping.

Ray seemed to pick up on that sentiment. “Come, I’ll help you to bed,” he coaxed, a smile still spread across his lips.

Part of you wanted to protest. You were able to recall that you had wanted to talk to Ray to clear up some of the confusion that lingered in your mind, but the fatigue that had settled in your head was stronger than your need for answers. At that moment, the only thing you could think of was that you were thoroughly exhausted. Laying underneath the blankets sounded too comfortable to pass up.

You nodded your head, not saying a word, and allowed Ray to gently help you up. He wrapped an arm around your back to guide you to your room, leaving his other hand free so that he could open the door. He was extremely gentle with you, moving slowly like you were sick. You briefly wondered if he was just taking advantage of the opportunity to keep you near because despite being tired, you were more than capable of walking to bed by yourself. Ray was holding you close, pressed up against your side, and you didn’t need to look at him to know that the grin from earlier likely still adorned his face. You briefly recalled your very first night here, when Ray had led you back to the workroom from the basement after finding you writhing on the stone ground, overtaken by illness.

You chose not to focus too much on that memory. If Ray wanted to hold you, you would let him. You were too tired to think of denying him and, despite your earlier shock at his sudden change in demeanor, you found that you didn’t mind the proximity too much. It was comforting, and that was enough for your sleep-deprived mind.

Ray made a show out of tucking you into bed, peeling back the blankets and allowing you to settle down onto the mattress. You went to pull the blankets over yourself but Ray denied you the privilege, instead coaxing you to lay down and covering you with the sheets and comforter himself. He took great care in tucking the blankets down around you, and even in your tired state you thought that this was going on for a few seconds too long, but he looked so content with himself that you kept your thoughts private.

It was odd having anyone care for you like this, even Ray. It was intimate, almost domestic, and you hadn’t been on the receiving end of gestures like this in a very long time. It was nice, even if it did go on for a little bit too long.

Once Ray was finally satisfied, he leaned over to plant a tender kiss to your temple, as if finishing up his work. The lack of computer screens created darkness too thick for you to see through, but you could tell through his actions that Ray seemed relaxed, like caring for you relieved him of some of the stress that he’d been shouldering.

“Sweet dreams,” the happiness that bled into Ray’s voice was almost tangible as it reached your ears. “I hope you rest well.”

You mumbled a “good night,” your eyes already starting to slide back shut. Had you been any more awake, you were sure that you would have been embarrassed by the way Ray was fawning over you, but you were so tired that you were content to just slip back to sleep. 

Even when your eyelids drooped, allowing you re-admission into the sleep that you’d been forced to abandon minutes ago, you were minutely aware that Ray was still standing by your bed. He gazed at you with the same affection he’d held for you since day one, like there was no way he could ever get sick of having you near.

You would never really understand what he saw in you, but at the moment that thought was fleeting. You were too tired to think too much about anything. Before you even had the chance to consider that the idea of Ray standing above you, watching you sleep was unsettling at best, you slipped back into the depths of your mind.

* * *

You slept far later than usual.

You hadn’t exactly meant to, but you did. By the time you woke up, the morning was already inching towards noon. You slept too deep for too long and woke up with a pounding headache that left you feeling like you hadn’t rested at all. You remained still for a few minutes, hoping the dull ache in your skull would come to an end, but it didn’t. The pain left you feeling somewhat cranky, but you knew that you couldn’t afford to lay around when there was so much going on that needed attending to.

You briefly wondered if Mint Eye had any painkillers, but shut that thought down quickly. The last place you would accept any drugs from was Magenta. You’d take your chances with the headache.

So, you opted to finally get up. When you entered the workroom, making yourself known, Ray was already finishing up whatever he had been doing on the computer. He seemed to be focused, but once you arrived, his attention turned toward you. Instantly, he perked up, computer forgotten.

“Good morning,” Ray greeted you with a smile. “You must have been really tired. You slept late today.”

For once, you were glad that the room was dimly lit. Even the glare from the computer screens was a bit intense, causing your head to pulsate with a bit more dull aching. You nodded in response to Ray, taking a seat in your usual chair like it was second nature. “Yeah,” you replied. “I guess I was.”

Ray propped his elbow onto the table, resting his chin in his hand as he gazed at you, a smile still upturning the corners of his lips. As usual, he seemed remarkably content with you around. “Do you feel better?”

Again, you nodded. A yawn threatened to spill from your mouth and though you kept it stifled, your eyes still watered a bit. “Yeah, I just need to wake up a little bit.”

Ray hummed a little bit before falling into a short silence, during which he continued to look at you, apparently lost in his thoughts. His gaze was as intense as it was tender, pools of mint that focused on you like he was trying to peer into your mind and keep it for himself. Not for the first time, you wondered what exactly ran through Ray’s head when he looked at you like that; why you? 

Maybe someday you would ask. But today was not that day.

The silence dragged on for a few seconds more before Ray eventually spoke back up. “I’m going to be busy today,” he told you. “The Savior needs me to do something for her soon. Once I’ve got your food, I’ll have to leave for a little while.”

That piqued your interest. Ray usually wasn’t absent for any reason other than meeting with the Savior. You met his gaze, the conversion slowly starting to wake you up a little bit more as the gears in your head began to turn.

“Really? What does she need from you?” You didn’t bother trying to hide your curiosity.

Ray didn’t seem to mind. There had been a time, especially right after your arrival, when he wouldn’t have volunteered any information to you. But after spending weeks together, sharing personal stories and chatting casually, it seemed like Ray had started to trust you a little bit more.

You couldn’t deny that the thought made you feel somewhat proud. It was a small victory, but you would take what you could get.

Ray’s response, though, crushed that feeling of pride just as quickly as it had arrived.

“It’s likely concerning the traitor,” he told you. “I think the Savior wants to have him cleansed as soon as possible.”

A rock of dread suddenly crashed into the pit of your stomach, bringing with it a chill that spread over your skin at the speed of light. Goosebumps prickled your flesh.

_ V. _

How had you forgotten?

You tried to mask the sudden storm of unease that was brewing inside of your mind, but it had come on so quickly that masking it was a challenge. The last thing you wanted was for Ray to know that you were sympathetic toward one of his sworn enemies, but you were truly afraid for V. Knowing what was going to happen to him but not being able to do anything about it made you feel small, weak, and guilty.

“I see,” you kept your response short. 

Ray scooted his chair toward yours so that he could reach over to take hold of one of your hands. “Don’t worry,” he gave your palm a gentle squeeze. “I won’t let him come near you. You’re safe when you’re with me. I can protect you.”

It seemed that Ray was greatly misinterpreting the source of your sudden shift in demeanor, but you weren’t rushing to correct him. Forcing a smile to your lips felt wrong, but you did so anyway, if only to save face. Throwing a fit wouldn’t do you any good, nor would it help your comrades. 

“I know,” you kept your reply short.

You were as good as helpless, and you were so aware of that fact that it hurt.

Ray gazed at you for a few seconds longer before rising, pulling on your hand to coax you up as well. “Let’s go get you something to eat,” he said, leading you towards the door. 

You didn’t feel particularly hungry, but you kept that to yourself. Your stomach was a mess of nerves, leaving you with little appetite, but acting in a way that would lead Ray to believe that you were sick wouldn’t be doing you any favors. The last thing you wanted was for him to place more restrictions on you.

That, and it was shameful how much you looked forward to your treks from the workroom to the kitchen or bathroom. It was the only time you got to see anything besides the same computer screens, gray walls, and tiled floor. Though Magenta was a nightmare, you often found yourself admiring the beauty of the building’s surface, despite knowing how superficial it was. The marble floors, vases with daffodils, and royal blue curtains were a momentary distraction, allowing your mind a small break that you so desperately needed from time to time. It was similar to the way you used to feel while watching the sky in your favorite park, so long ago.

Today, though, you had a hard time feeling any comfort. You knew that V was currently in one of the many holding cells, just like you had been weeks ago, and that Miyeon was stuck with the Savior. The prospect of allowing yourself to take any comfort while your comrades suffered only intensified your guilt.

After a short trip to the bathroom and the kitchen, you returned to the workroom with a plate of breakfast. You placed the plate down atop one of the file cabinets, using it as a makeshift table, and pulled your chair up to sit.

Ray, seemingly content, smiled at you.

“I have to go now, but I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he told you. “I hope you eat well. Make sure you have your phone nearby, okay?”

The device was abandoned on your nightstand, but Ray didn’t need to know that. You gave him a nod but didn’t speak.

A pained sigh escaped Ray’s lips, his shoulders drooping. “Ah… Leaving you never gets any easier,” his complaint came out like a whine, mouth falling into a pout. “I miss you all the time when you’re not with me. Though I don’t want you near the traitor, I still wish I could keep you with me all the time. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re stuck in my head every second of the day.”

Food momentarily forgotten, you offered Ray a smile.

“You could always just stay,” you tried. You knew that your suggestion wouldn’t even be considered, but it was worth a shot. It was nice to imagine that there could have been a solution this easy.

Ray sighed again, this one heavier than the last. “No, I can’t,” he lamented, still pouting. “I have to go. The Savior would be so mad if I didn’t.”

You considered your options, mind wandering as you did so. Your instinct was to keep pushing your luck and try to convince Ray to stay, but was there really any point in trying? Ray was infinitely stubborn and extremely devoted to the Savior. His hatred for V had shocked you to your core last night. If there was ever anything you were sure about, it was that there wasn’t a thing that you could do to get him to look the other way this time. Ray had been deeply hurt by V, and the fury he’d allowed you to see was genuine and unwavering. Right now, the odds were against you. You could see that clearly, even through the fog of anxiety that clouded your judgment. 

At the very least, you needed to stay out of trouble until you were sure you could act. If you got yourself into a bad predicament, there would be nobody to help you out of it. Your teammates were stuck, and you were on your own. 

Though it went against everything you felt was morally correct, you had to keep your mouth shut. You couldn’t be taking unnecessary risks; you were no good to anyone if you acted recklessly and made things worse. You had to be rational, now more than ever.

You had people depending on you.

“I’ll be here when you get back,” you finally settled on a response, though it pained you to say it. “Just like always. So don’t worry too much.”

Ray’s pout finally morphed back into a smile.

“You’re so good to me,” he praised, mint eyes soft as they remained focused on you. Ray approached you, leaning over you to plant a kiss to the crown of your head. You allowed him to do so, staying still as he pulled back away. 

“If you need anything while I’m gone, message me,” Ray instructed. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Make sure you eat well.”

You responded with a nod. Though you had come to the conclusion that there was nothing you could to do stop Ray from going to V, you were unable to deny the shame that was welling up in your stomach, preventing you from speaking lest your voice waver. Even when Ray shot you one last smile before leaving the room, you were unable to feel any real comfort. Even though you felt warm from the small kiss Ray had given you, your skin buzzing where he’d touched you, you felt overwhelmingly dejected.

The only thing that you hoped would work in your favor was the relaxed attitude that Ray had adopted that morning.

All things considered, Ray had left in a better mood than you’d expected, especially after his emotional volatility in the last few days. Over the weeks, you had gotten used to his typically happy demeanor. When Ray was around you, he seemed content. He was gentle, tender, and affectionate. If something was upsetting him, it usually only took a bit of effort and targeted comfort from you to get him to feel better. It had been that way since the day you’d arrived, and you milked as soon as you realized that doing so would present you with opportunities and freedoms you might not otherwise have. You were Ray’s weakness, and you learned to play into that very quickly. It was your only advantage, and you relied on it heavily.

You were never completely sure about anything regarding Mint Eye, but if there was one thing you thought would never change, it was Ray’s affection for you.

You had berated yourself many times in the past because you had gotten too complacent, too dependent on your assumptions. You came to conclusions and ran with them narrow-mindedly until something shifted and the foundation of everything you knew crumbled beneath your feet. There had been many times where you suffered because wrenches had been thrown in your plans and you’d had to start over.

You thought that, over time, you had become a bit more adaptable. You had grown used to the instability of your situation enough to realize that you would have to put up a front of indifference while constantly adjusting to the changes taking place right in front of you. But Ray had been the one constant. He was always there, always the same in that even amongst his unpredictability, he never stopped caring about you.

You hadn’t even considered that there might have been a day where Ray would start acting differently. In hindsight, the signs were there, but you didn’t know enough to perceive them correctly. 

And, to your defense, it started out rather slowly.

* * *

It was the buzzing of your phone that initially caught your attention, about an hour after Ray left you alone. The screen lit up, illuminating the immediate area dimly, and you grabbed the device to look at the notification displayed. The phone buzzed again as you did so, another notification appearing atop the first.

It was a series of messages from Ray. That in itself wasn’t particularly unusual. Ray was clingy and, when gone for longer periods, would always end up messaging or calling you at some point to check in. 

What was unusual was the content of the messages.

You unlocked the phone to reveal the messages in their entirety and, immediately, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. You had figured that Ray would behave somewhat differently after going to see V, but you didn’t expect a response quite like the one you were getting.

  
  


**Ray:**

So you’re the one he decided on?

**Ray:**

To think that he got himself an

assistant... That’s bold for him.

**Ray:**

I can’t wait to meet you.

**Ray:**

We’re going to have lots of fun

together... 

  
  


To say you were baffled was an understatement. For a few seconds you sat still, staring at the messages with a frown, like if you looked for long enough they would start to make more sense. But the more times you read the words, the less you were able to understand what you were being presented with. Not only did they suggest that Ray, whose side you’d been stuck at for weeks, hadn’t met you yet, but the wording and the tone sounded off. It was unfamiliar, as if you were speaking to a completely new person.

So, that was your first conclusion. 

Somebody must have picked up Ray’s phone and decided to play a joke. You couldn’t imagine any Believers having the gall to do such a thing, but there was no other explanation that made any sense. Perhaps Mint Eye had a few members with an odd, almost creepy sense of humor. There was a first for everything.

You knew Ray, and he didn’t speak like this. He was unsettling at times, especially recently, but not in an ominous way that suggested any malicious intent towards you. Ray would spiral into a frenzy before he would let anything remotely harmful come your way. You had seen it happen.

After a few minutes of staring at the letters on your phone screen, your thumbs flew into action, typing out a short response in hopes of finding out who you were talking to.

  
  


_ Sorry, who is this? _

  
  


A bubble with three bouncing dots appeared, jumping playfully as you waited impatiently for a response to finally grace your screen. As soon as it did, the bubble re-appeared, indicating that the person on the other end of the screen was typing more. You read the messages as they came in, growing only more confused with every word that was sent your way.

  
  


**Ray:**

Why don’t you ask your flower boy?

Though I doubt he’ll tell you...

**Ray:**

He likes to keep the important 

things secret. 

**Ray:**

Especially from you.

**Ray:**

Though, I can’t blame him. Maybe

you’re not as bright as you pretend 

to be if you haven’t figured it out 

yet. 

**Ray:**

Do you really think that he’s as

good and innocent as he 

pretends? 

**Ray:**

He might be weak, but he lies

more than you think.

  
  


Your mouth fell open, eyebrows raising up in shock.

Any doubt that this could have been Ray after all vanished without a trace. This person radiated a sense of self-superiority, like they were looking down on you even through texting. You could feel it through the phone and read it through every word they typed. They were hinting at Ray’s secrets, like they were playing a game and you were merely a source of amusement. Like they knew more than you and enjoyed the advantage that gave them.

You were almost offended that they thought you were so stupid that you didn’t know Ray had secrets. But you wouldn’t dare incriminate yourself, especially with the knowledge that Ray would be reading these messages later. So you took a different route, pressing your lips together as you crafted a response of your own, trying to remain as vague as possible. Let them feel superior, you thought. Your need to set them straight didn’t trump your concern for what would happen if Ray found out that you weren’t as trustworthy as you pretended to be.

  
  


I don’t know what you’re talking 

about. Could you give the 

phone back to Ray, please?

  
  


Once again, you didn’t have to wait long for a slew of messages to flood your screen.

  
  


**Ray:**

Hahahaha

**Ray:**

You really do like him.

**Ray:**

No wonder. He always acts like 

a good boy.

**Ray:**

I bet he’s been giving you gifts

and flowers from the very 

beginning. 

**Ray:**

Though I can’t say I’m not

disappointed in you.

**Ray:**

Don’t worry. You’ll have the

chance to get to know me soon 

enough.

**Ray:**

I’ll make sure you know who’s

better.

**Ray:**

And...

**Ray:**

Don’t think I can’t tell what you’re

doing. You’re not as smart as you

think you are.

**Ray:**

So just stay in your room and wait

for me, darling.

**Ray:**

I’ll make sure to show you the

true spirit of this place

  
  


Your mouth had gone dry halfway through that last barrage, your heart thumping as you scanned over the words again and again.

_ ‘Don’t think I can’t tell what you’re doing.’ _

Your mind was starting to spin, shoulders tensing as you went rigid in your seat.

Usually, when you got anxious, it was about something irrational. Maybe you’d read too much into somebody’s behavior or attached meaning to their words that wasn’t intended to be there. You were adept at spiraling a situation out of control when it wasn’t necessary, creating scenarios in your head and constantly assuming the worst.

This time, though, there was no doubt in your mind that you weren’t overreacting. Those words were intended to be perceived as malicious; they were hints that this person had been paying close attention to you. Whoever this person was, they somehow knew exactly what you were up to. They knew you were sneaking around and lying while keeping a straight face.

That thought disturbed you deeply.

Was this person really just a Believer? You hardly ever so much as made eye contact with the Believers, so how could any of them have been able to know what was going on in your head without even speaking to you? They were all lifeless, zombie-like in disposition. You couldn’t see any of them picking up on your plans, much less stealing Ray’s phone to personally send you threatening messages. It just didn’t make sense.

So who were you speaking to? And how hadn’t you noticed them before?

This person was talking to you like they were somehow able to look right through you, reading your thoughts without your knowledge. They were aware that you were trying to be cunning, and they were letting you know that your attempts weren’t going unnoticed. This was a threat, and they were taking great delight in delivering it to you.

Your fingers were frozen. You couldn’t think of a single response that would turn the situation in your favor, and the last thing you wanted to do was to make this worse. Your mind was at a stand-still, the words in your head too scrambled for you to try typing any coherent sentences. The stakes were high, and you were feeling the pressure.

After a minute of silent deliberation, your phone buzzed again. Whoever you were speaking to was tired of waiting.

  
  


**Ray:**

Quiet now, are you?

**Ray:**

Hahahaha

**Ray:**

You should be.

**Ray:**

Maybe you’ll learn your place 

without me having to force you.

**Ray:**

Though…

**Ray:**

I might do things the hard way 

anyways, just to see what kind

of face you’ll make.

**Ray:**

Look forward to it, doll.

  
  


It was like something in you snapped. You pressed the button to shut the screen down, practically throwing the phone away from you, watching it clatter onto the surface of the desk noisily. It finally lay still after the abuse you’d inflicted upon it, screen facing downwards. Your heart was beating too quickly, the sound resonating through your head. Even though your immediate surroundings were silent, the whirlwind of anxiety flooding your system was loud, overwhelming you and spiraling you into an instantaneous panic. 

You found it suddenly hard to breathe and pressed a hand to your chest in a vain hope that you could steady yourself. It was one thing to endure the Savior’s threats, veiled behind flowery words and sentences with double-meanings, but it was another thing to have a completely anonymous person dump such obviously malicious words onto you. They seemed delighted with what they were saying, like they didn’t even have to watch you squirm to enjoy the effect that they having on you. Their words were bullets inside of a gun locked and loaded, and you were the target.

Your hand was trembling as you raised it to cover your mouth, intense nausea beginning to weave its way from your stomach up into your throat. A mouthful of bile followed, the burning of your throat accompanied by the rancid taste of potential vomit. You felt incredibly sick, shocked to the core at what you’d been forced to read out of nowhere.

Too much was going on at once. First V and Miyeon, then Ray’s strange behavior, and now this? A new threat was looming over you, shadowed in a veil of anonymity that you couldn’t see through. You were exposed while they sat back and watched you squirm, completely unknown.

“Who the hell are you?” You muttered, breath ghosting across the skin of your palm as you spoke.

You glanced over your shoulder toward the metal door, suddenly awash with paranoia. You weren’t sure if you genuinely expected to see somebody there, but you didn’t feel any relief even upon confirming that nothing was out of place.

You had an undeniably bad feeling. Something was very wrong about this. It was incredibly surreal, so much so that you thought that if you tried hard enough, you might have been able to convince yourself that you’d just imagined everything. Not a single part of you wanted this person to make good on their promise to you.

_ Don’t come here. Don’t meet me. _

If you thought waiting in silence was bad, sitting alone in a small, cramped room with a profound paranoia upon your shoulders was even worse. Every time you heard footsteps coming close you perked up, listening closely through the thumping of your heart as if you expected somebody to march up to the door and let themselves in. It was bizarre that hadn’t felt this flighty in a long time, leaving you feeling like you’d been reduced back to the mess of nerves you’d been upon your arrival to Magenta. There had been moments where you’d actually felt at peace in this room, which was something that you’d never expected. Now, it was being taken back away from you.

Whoever this person was who had been texting you from Ray’s phone, they were trying to take away the traces of safety you’d found respite in over the weeks. What was more disappointing than that was that you were letting them succeed. Your mind was awash with fear, clouding your perception of the world around you.

But you couldn’t afford to play it safe. Giving in to your anxiety to a certain extent kept you on your toes, and as exhausting as it was, it kept you alert. You didn’t enjoy it, but you felt that if you let your guard down too much, you would have to suffer the consequences. It was better, in the long run, to be too careful.

Your eyes continuously wandered back to your phone every few minutes as you waited. You expected the screen to light up at some point, signifying a new message, but you were left feeling disappointed. You had hoped that Ray would get his phone back and send you some sort of explanation, but he never did.

That was just as strange. With as possessive and sensitive as Ray was, you couldn’t believe that he would see those messages without reacting. He must not have gotten his phone back yet, you thought.

It was the only way that this made sense.

By the time Ray returned, a few hours had passed. You had worked yourself into the beginning of a frenzy. You had gone back and forth over the hours, ranging from disbelieving to anxious to downright afraid. When you heard the door unlock, you sat straight up, going rigid, your heart thumping in your head wildly. You were more than just nervous, and you were sure it was written all over your face. 

What you didn’t expect, though, was for Ray to come back seeming just as off as you. He was uncharacteristically pale, moving sluggishly, and his eyes screamed of exhaustion, the bags underneath dark and puffy. As the door fell shut behind him and his gaze fell on you, though, he instantly became alert. 

“Are you okay?” Ray first asked. Instantly, he seemed to answer the question himself, approaching you with newfound energy. “What happened?”

You stood up, no longer content to continue sitting around despite the vertigo that washed over you. All of the thoughts in your head bubbled to the surface, threatening to spill over and leave you wrecked. Your eyebrows were pressed together in an anxious frown but you met Ray’s eyes, determined to finally get some answers to the questions that had been plaguing you since your conversation with the mystery man from earlier.

“Did you lose your phone?” Was your first question, tumbling out of your mouth with urgency.

Ray mirrored your confusion, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean?”

You fiddled with your fingers, twisting them together in an attempt to rid yourself of some nervous energy. 

“Someone was messaging me from your phone,” you didn’t bother masking the anxiety in your voice. “They threatened me.”

You almost felt like a child tattling on somebody else, worried for a moment that you were being overly sensitive. But when you saw Ray’s reaction, that worry dwindled.

Ray’s gaze went hard, his shoulders going rigid. You couldn’t put your finger on exactly what, but there was an obvious change taking place right in front of you, like he had an idea of what was going on but wasn’t willing to share it with you. Ray glanced over your shoulder at your phone, still abandoned atop the desk, and maneuvered around you to grab onto it. He turned on the screen and unlocked the phone, which you weren’t surprised to see he knew the passcode to. 

Ray scrolled through the exchange you’d had with your anonymous chatting partner from earlier, a frown settling deep into his brows. It didn’t take him long, as the conversation itself had been exceptionally short, but he looked more than a little bit bothered afterward. Ray’s lips were pressed together tightly, and his hands trembled ever so slightly. His skin, which had already been pale, seemed to grow ashier.

“Ray,” you prompted, laying a hand on your companion’s arm in an attempt to regain his attention. “What’s going on? Do you know who that is?”

“He deleted the messages from my phone,” Ray muttered, more to himself than to you. “I didn’t even notice.”

Ray’s voice was a mixture of guilt, shame, and something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It wasn’t quite fear, but it lingered on the precipice, causing a slight tremor as he spoke. He seemed deeply unnerved, eyes losing their focus as he set your phone back down.

You squeezed his arm gently, just enough to make yourself known. “It’s not your fault,” you responded, an automatic attempt to alleviate Ray of whatever blame he seemed to be burdening himself with. “Who is he?”

Ray’s eyes finally met yours, and you were surprised by the look he was giving you.

You had expected Ray to react to those messages with anger. He had always been possessive of you, and jealously was something you’d seen from him more than once, especially when it concerned other people interacting with you. Ray was fierce in how he protected you, unwavering to a point that oftentimes frustrated you. He’d grown hysterical when V tried to break you out of Mint Eye, becoming more overprotective once you were finally safe again. Because of that, you had anticipated that Ray would react with agitation at the messages that you’d been sent, especially those that incriminated Ray and directly threatened you.

Instead, you found that he looked more forlorn, like he’d seen something that distressed him deeply but was unable to do anything about it. Ray looked almost helpless, mint eyes wide and unsure as they locked onto your own. That look only served to increase your own anxiety, prompting a sudden string of questions to fly from your mouth.

“What’s going on?” You asked, frown deepening as you grew more concerned. “Ray, please don’t keep this from me. I’m really freaked out.”

Ray turned to face you completely, prompting your hand to fall from his arm. He raised a gloved hand to cup your face, caressing the apple of your cheek with his thumb, staring into your eyes like he was trying to tell you something without speaking. You could feel the warmth of his hand through his glove. While the contact was familiar, it wasn’t as comforting as it was perhaps supposed to be.

“I’m sorry,” something unreadable was growing in Ray’s eyes, mingling with the mint that focused on you completely. “I’m sorry that you were scared. I’ll protect you, so don’t worry about it.”

You felt as if weeks of frustration was beginning to tangle together into a ball in the center of your chest, making you feel stuffy and suffocated. Breathing was getting harder, leaving you silent as you stared directly at Ray, hoping that if you were sincere enough, he would see just how badly you needed to know what was going on. You didn’t want to be left in the dark, scared and paranoid anymore.

You were involved. You were being threatened, and you deserved to know why.

It was like you were wordlessly begging Ray to allow you the chance to stand equal to him.

But, if he was able to read that from your gaze, it didn’t convince him to speak. You decided to try with your words once more, the small hope that you’d been festering in your chest beginning to dwindle.

“Please, Ray,” you pulled his hand from your cheek to grip it tightly, trying to convey your desperation through doing so. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Ray stayed silent, but his eyes remained focused on you. His hair was slightly mussed and, coupled with the clear exhaustion that blanketed his figure, it made him seem worn-down. Ray looked about as upset as you felt, but it was becoming clear to you that he wasn’t willing to speak up about what was going on. Instead, his free hand went to your arm, coaxing you closer. 

There was a small part of you that wanted to deny the gesture out of frustration, but Ray looked so drained that you couldn’t. You gave in to him, taking a step towards Ray to allow him to wrap his arms around you and hold you close. He was warm, and the feeling of him against you was familiar in a way that had a strange feeling blooming in your chest. Flowers settled in your nose, the warmth of the embrace curling around you in an attempt to offer you the comfort that you so desperately sought.

But you couldn’t find any respite this time. Not when you knew that you were deliberately being kept in the dark.

“As long as I’m here, he can’t get to you,” Ray’s voice was soft as it met your ears. He held you close and, despite yourself, your arms finally raised to return the embrace. The feeling of his magenta blazer beneath your fingertips was familiar and grounding, giving you something to hold onto. You leaned into him a bit more, shutting your eyes in an attempt to keep the dangers of the world away from you.

You wanted to believe Ray, but something about this situation was very wrong. He seemed just as anxious as you, but his refusal to confide in you was leaving you stranded in a limbo where you knew just enough to feel burdened, but not enough to act. Despite having been directly threatened by whoever you’d been messaging earlier, you had no idea who they were and Ray wasn’t about to tell you. His solution to this was to promise your safety and hold you close. It wasn’t enough for your nerves to melt away, but you found yourself allowing him to embrace you anyways. Like always, you were unable to push him away.

There was a fear beginning to settle in the pit of your stomach, deep and viscous, spreading up to your head and finding a home at the base of your cranium. You were unsettled at the notion that something was unfolding right beneath your nose and that you were playing the part of a prospective victim, but that you weren’t being allowed the information necessary to do anything about it. You were a sitting duck, and that realization frightened you deeply. As long as this new enemy had a keycard, they could enter the workroom at any time to find you there, defenseless and weak.

Whatever was going on, Ray refused to tell you about it. His grip on you remained tight, almost constricting with an urgent need to keep you safe. 

But you would never be safe while you were at Magenta. You only wished that Ray would eventually come to see that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT:  
> I think I've mentioned before that I'm currently a Uni student. Classes start up for me tomorrow (the 24th), so I, unfortunately, won't have as much time to write as I have had all summer. I've taken some time to try and figure things out logistically, and for now, I'm going to say that I'll likely be updating this fic every weekend. Of course, I'm not sure how much time classes will take up just yet, but for the foreseeable future, please anticipate weekly updates! If there are any changes, I will let everyone know. :)
> 
> I can somehow write 120k+ words for fanfiction but ask me to do anything school-related and I don't know English anymore. You didn't hear this from me, but Uni is totally just figuring out what work you can get away with not doing while still maintaining good grades. Unfortunately, I'm a perfectionist so I'm usually pretty dedicated to my classes and grades. My schedule is incredibly full now, to the point that I've been doing homework all day today and school hasn't even started. Rip my brain, which I've hardly used in months.
> 
> But- this chapter!! I think you guys all know what I'm referring to when I say that things are finally progressing in a certain direction that I've been excited for since the beginning! I wanted everything to progress realistically, and this is going to be so messy and chaotic. I absolutely can't wait and I truly hope I do you-know-who's character justice. You guys don't want to know how hard it was for me to decide on a nickname. I didn't want to use Princess as I'm not sure it'd fit Reader as well as MC (also it's gendered and I try to keep this as nongendered as possible) so I hope I picked well? I'm honestly not sure anymore.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did! Things are picking up yet again, and they likely won't slow down anytime soon. So strap yourselves in, haha. Thank you so much for all Kudos/comments on the last chatper- I truly enjoy reading everyone's comments and insights. It's such a joyful thing to hear from readers. You guys are all so perceptive that I'm flabbergasted when you pick up on some of the subtler hints. If there's ever anything you guys want to say, please do leave a comment! I'm (clearly) very talkative and I love engaging with you all. :)
> 
> I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and enjoys the upcoming week. I'll see you all next weekend!


	18. Plunge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your most recent display of emotional vulnerability is interrupted by the information that you may soon have company, but that which should bring you relief only serves to deepen your dread.

If there was one thing that you had going for you at all, it would be that you had somehow managed to deepen Ray’s trust in you. 

You weren’t quite sure how it happened. The amalgamation of events that had transpired over the last few weeks certainly sped up the process, but it had felt so gradual to you that you hadn’t immediately noticed the difference until you took the time to look back. You could remember very clearly that when you first arrived, you were kept in the dark about everything. You knew nothing about the RFA beyond them being fictional characters in a game Ray had supposedly developed. The Savior was, to you, a malevolent being, no closer to being human than the RFA. She was manipulative and frightening, using fake smiles and pretty words to lull you into a false sense of security before striking and rendering you defenseless. By acting like she was above the people around her, the Savior put herself on a pedestal. She held her position so well that if she were to tell you she wasn’t human, you would have believed her. She certainly played the part of a mythical being well enough. 

Perhaps the biggest change, though, was what you had come to learn about Ray. He never spoke of anything about his past. All you would get was casual conversation or speeches about his feelings for you, which was deeply unsettling because at the time, Ray was nothing more to you than the man who’d tricked you and was keeping you locked up. Ray’s attention had always been on you, but at the time he seemed unable to rip his eyes away from you lest you disappear. At least now, after settling into a routine and getting used to each other, Ray seemed to be able to co-exist with you a little bit better. 

Even you had changed quite a bit. At the beginning, you had been stuck inside yourself, wallowing in self-pity for days before you had even considered trying to escape. You remembered how you had jerked away from Ray’s hand when he tried to touch you without warning, a gut reaction that had sent him into a spiral of self-doubt so intensely emotional that it had only scared you more. That was one of the first times you’d truly realized his emotional volatility, and it frightened you because you had learned that you would never know what to expect. 

You remembered how much you had to pretend. Fake smiles, forced gestures of affection to placate him, lie upon lie to build rapport, all the while justifying the slowly accumulating feelings in your chest. You quickly went from hating Ray to pitying him, and your pity eventually morphed into genuine affection for him despite all of his obvious wrongdoings. Even if there were still times where all you could do was stifle your emotions, those moments had become less frequent, giving you a false sense of security around Ray. You almost let your guards down a bit too much from time to time, having to stop yourself from uttering something incriminating when the air between the two of you was casual. But it made sense in a strange way. He liked you, and you liked him. Somehow, before you had even known it was happening, you had begun to build a strange relationship with him, intimate but not inherently romantic. Ray wanted more than anything to protect you, and you craved security enough to allow yourself to think that he could keep you safe. 

You had forgotten that one of the people you needed protection from was Ray himself. 

You wanted security, sure, but in your desperation, you had completely neglected to remember that Ray’s idea of keeping you safe was to lock you up, keep secrets from you, and treat you like a fragile doll made of glass. He was overbearing to a fault, and unpredictable when he got jealous. As the focus of Ray’s feelings, it became your responsibility to help him manage his emotions when he was unable to do so alone. It was made very apparent by your conversation with the anonymous stranger that earlier in the day that there were some things that Ray was adamant about keeping secret from you, even if you were already deeply involved. You had been directly threatened by this stranger, and they took great delight in watching you squirm. You had been ablaze with nerves for hours, mind constantly wandering back to this person as you wondered just who they were. How important could they be if Ray wasn’t willing to compromise their identity even when your safety was involved? You had thought that he wouldn’t have kept something this serious from you. Not when you were so clearly anxious, expressing those feelings to him with a sincerity you usually kept stifled. But Ray had looked you in the eyes, read your fear clear as day, and still chose to keep you in the dark.

He wouldn’t budge. This was one secret you weren’t meant to know. 

That was a tough realization to come to. Perhaps you had become deluded, perceiving your relationship with him in a way that differed from reality, just as Ray had been doing. He was lying to himself, but so were you, albeit in a very different way. You had a history of selective vision when it came to Ray, usually only focusing on either the good or the bad. In reality, he was an immensely complicated person with countless secrets to keep. You still cared about him, but you knew that you would have to try harder to remember the true nature of your predicament. Being reckless would get you nowhere. As much as you truly liked Ray, donning a pair of rose-colored glasses was a decision that would yield dangerous consequences. 

Still, all of those weeks of indulging him and playing along hadn’t been for nothing. Even when you looked beyond the deepening of your relationship with him, there had been a few benefits that you’d unknowingly achieved. Perhaps you hadn’t quite been given the freedom you wanted or the answers to questions that you truly needed, but there were some sensitive pieces of information that Ray had shared with you. You knew that, had this been happening a few weeks ago, you wouldn’t have been privy to most of the knowledge that Ray was giving you so casually. Even when you looked beyond what Ray had told you about him, the Savior, and V, you found that he was a bit more open about other things, as well. And it was that openness that worked in your favor tonight, supplying you with a tidbit of information that held more significance than you had initially thought. 

It wasn’t much, but it was something. Enough to change the course of the waves that you’d been sailing for weeks. 

It was a muffled curse that Ray let out in the earlier hours of the night that initially caught your attention. The clock read  _ 9:23 P.M. _ ; it was starting to get late, fatigue prodding at the edge of your mind, but you were still alert enough to function. 

You glanced over at Ray, who was glaring at his computer screen. His jaw was clenched, fingers gripping the mouse tighter than usual, knuckles whitening to a bone-like color. His mint eyes seemed to glow among the dim, blue-tinted light of the computer screen, and he looked anything but happy. A fire was brewing in his eyes, and it spelled potential danger if you couldn’t quell it in time. 

“What’s wrong?” The question fell from your mouth easily. A mixture of curiosity, concern, and the early signs of approaching exhaustion made speaking up less daunting than usual.

Ray sighed forcefully. 

“I wasn’t able to pay as much attention to the chatroom as usual because I was busy with that traitor,” the anger was clear in Ray’s voice, his words coming out harsher than usual, “and the one time I’m not able to directly monitor the rooms, something happens.”

That sentence increased the thumping of your heart, the implications of Ray’s words sending a small precursor of anxiety through your system. You tried not to let your thoughts run amuck, but the instinct to remain prepared for the worst remained. 

“What do you mean?” You sat up straighter in your seat. Resisting the urge to swivel your chair to look at the screen over Ray’s shoulder was challenging but you managed to keep your legs still, afraid that he wouldn’t react well to such an obvious display of nosiness. 

It seemed that behaving so forward wouldn’t have been necessary, anyways. Ray opened up rather easily. 

“That Intelligence Unit that C&R’s CEO-in-line and his chief assistant set up seems to have found some information about Mint Eye through their search,” Ray began typing something, gloved fingers dancing across the keys with renewed purpose.

At first, the sentence that he uttered sounded like little more than gibberish to you, a conglomeration of letters that didn’t make immediate sense. Your general unfamiliarity of the RFA prolonged the time that it took you to decode whatever Ray had been talking about.

You knew that C&R was a large company in this country and that one of the members of the RFA-  _ was it Jumin? - _ was a businessman. Who was his assistant again? It must have been Jaehee, if your mind was serving you well enough. The names felt somewhat familiar to you, but not enough for you to feel entirely confident in your deductions. 

You had just looked at the list of names last night, but you had already forgotten. There was way too much going on for you to remember everything the way that you would have liked to. 

But you hadn’t known that they had set up an Intelligence Unit. That prospect made your mouth go dry. Somehow, the involvement of C&R and an Intelligence Unit made this entire situation seem so much bigger. If authorities were getting involved, then there was the chance that more people knew about this place than you’d anticipated. Perhaps you weren’t quite as far removed from the real world as you’d been led to believe. Maybe you had an actual chance at escape after all. 

If they had found information about Mint Eye, there was the chance that they would be closing in eventually. That was another thought that sent a wave of fluttering nerves coursing through your bloodstream, goosebumps erupting over your skin.

What would happen if you did get rescued? If authorities stormed this place? You hadn’t dared to imagine such a scenario, and you knew that you were woefully unprepared should it happen. 

Where would you even go back to? The streets? And what would happen to Miyeon? Did she have a home to return to? You had never thought to ask. 

You glanced at the man sitting to your right, still focused on the computer screen with a frustrated frown. 

Ray would likely be arrested. That much was clear to you. The thought was strange to you for a multitude of reasons. Not only could you not imagine Ray in prison, but a part of you argued that he didn’t belong there. He was a victim, just as much as you. He had done horrible things, you couldn’t deny that, but for how much of his actions was he truly at fault? Ray had suffered unimaginable pain for the majority of his life, and the Savior was taking advantage of that.  _ She  _ was the one at fault for Mint Eye and everything that went on within. 

But would the authorities see it that way?

…

What were you thinking?

You resisted the urge to kick yourself, inwardly barraging yourself with a slew of curses. Now wasn’t the time to ponder philosophy or worry about scenarios that might never come to fruition. There were more pressing matters at hand that needed tending to now- you could at least focus on something real, something happening that you had the chance of doing something about. Rendering yourself useless in response to your anxiety wouldn’t get you anywhere, and you needed to keep your wits about you now more than ever. 

Besides, regardless of what would happen to Ray, there were other victims here, innocent people that deserved to live a happy life away from this nightmarish religious cult. Miyeon, you knew, hadn’t done a single thing to incur this sort of fate. She deserved better than days spent beside a twisted snake with waves of golden hair and emerald eyes. You couldn’t allow your feelings to get in the way of Miyeon’s escape, especially when you were responsible for her imprisonment, to begin with. You couldn’t ruin her chances again. You had promised yourself that, and you were on the path to breaking that promise again.

This wasn’t just about you anymore.

You needed to get yourself under control, and you were running out of time to spend reminding yourself of what was really important.

_ Get a grip. _

“That’s not good,” you finally responded. “I didn’t even know there was an Intelligence Unit. What exactly did they find?”

You hoped that you had phrased the question naturally enough for Ray to consider slipping some information to you. You wondered if his frustration was loosening his tongue, as he surrendered the details to you with record speed. 

“They’re saying Mint Eye is a cult,” Ray spat the last word like it was a curse, as if he couldn’t begin to fathom why the RFA would have come to such a conclusion. “They don’t know anything. They’ll never understand.”

Ray’s head whipped toward you as he spoke, momentarily forgetting whatever he had been working on. Apparently, the opportunity to drive a point home had been too strong for him to resist. His eyes pinned you in place with intensity, burning a bright blue. “This is why we don’t operate where the outside world can see us,” his words were reminiscent of a parent’s lecturing. “They’ll never understand. They think that their rules are the only way to live. They’ll ruin what we’ve built instead of just leaving us to be happy. We leave them alone, so why can’t they do the same thing?”

You wondered how many times the Savior had to tell Ray those words for him to come to believe them with such conviction. He spoke as if he couldn’t see anything wrong with Mint Eye, like everything that happened within the glittery walls of Magenta wasn’t anything other than a nightmare. 

Like this place was actually a paradise.

You nodded, unsure of how to respond. Nobody was truly happy here, but you might have been one of a handful of people that truly understood that. Even Ray, taking this moment to villainize society by claiming they were taking away your happiness, wasn’t truly at peace. He was suffering the consequences of the Savior’s selfish vengeance and it was wearing him down by the day. You knew that better than anyone.

But you also knew that bringing this up to Ray wouldn’t get you anywhere. It would likely just upset him, and you couldn’t possibly see yourself gaining anything out of that.

So you nodded, pretending to genuinely absorb the lecture you were receiving. Ray seemed pleased with your reaction, but when he turned back to the computer with a sigh, you could tell that he was clearly still annoyed. Once again, you noticed the brilliant mint of his eyes, the azure hues of which seemed much more vivid with the blue-tinted light from the monitor. 

The color of Ray’s eyes had always been beautiful, but that wasn’t what had caught your attention this time. Something seemed strange, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. With a slight frown, you found yourself going still, as if staring at Ray would help you to understand what was prodding at the corner of your mind. The gears in your head were turning, but the object of your focus was concentrated on his own work, unaware of your blatant staring.

Ray had been acting somewhat hazed since his return. It had been obvious by the way he reacted when he’d read the messages you’d shared with the mystery man. Instead of getting angry and hostile as you’d expected, Ray had just seemed defeated. It was as if he’d been beaten down one time too many and was having a hard time getting back up. He hadn’t admitted any of this to you directly, but after spending so much time around him in the past few weeks, it was easy enough for you to pick up on the more subtle changes in his moods. Ray had always been rather volatile, his emotions unpredictable, but no matter what he felt, it was always with a vicious intensity. When he felt something, he felt it strongly and deeply, sometimes to a fault.

For the past few hours though, he had seemed strangely muted. You had noticed some of the same, slightly melancholic spins to Ray’s usual emotions over the last few days. 

But you hadn’t really paid as much attention to it until he’d returned, brushing off your concerns about the anonymous stranger. For a second, you deliberated the possibility of you finding problems where there were none. You had a history of seeing things that weren’t there, and you were slightly worried that you were only creating unnecessary issues.

But when you looked closely enough, you could almost see it in his eyes. Pools of mint, beautifully vivid, seemed much less focused than usual, swimming with something you couldn’t recognize. It made you feel uneasy. 

It reminded you of a certain liquid, the thought of which was enough to make you feel queasy. 

Ray was often fatigued, but never unfocused. Besides, the workroom always had a chill in the air, something which you had never been able to grow used to. So the light accumulation of moisture around the edges of Ray’s slightly flushed face filled you with a foreboding feeling. There was no way he should be sweating in a room this cold.

You continued looking at him, your mind posing more and more questions. With your recent failure in obtaining important information from Ray, you weren’t sure if it would be worth it to try and investigate your suspicions. You would get your hopes up, lace your words with sugar in an attempt to sweet-talk Ray, and likely fail anyway. It was a tiring cycle, incredibly demotivating at the best of times. He hadn’t exactly been forthcoming as of late, either.

But ultimately, you were worried. Something seemed off, and your concern for Ray’s well-being was paramount. 

So opening your mouth felt like the right thing to do, even if you weren’t sure that you would get anything out of speaking up.

“Ray?” 

At your call, the man in question perked up slightly, looking over at you. His frown melted into a look of curiosity, which seemed innocent in comparison to his earlier frustration. Ray tilted his head to the side slightly when he noticed your intense staring, a few strands of his hair shifting with the movement. He returned your stare with one of his own.

“What’s wrong?” Ray’s computer was forgotten to him yet again.

“I should be asking you that,” you countered, allowing your concern to show on your face through a small frown. “You don’t seem like yourself.”

Ray turned to face you fully, giving you his undivided attention. A small smile spread across his lips, but it seemed less enthusiastic than you were used to seeing. Somehow he seemed exhausted, like there was a lingering fatigue blanketing him more heavily than usual. “Don’t worry,” he told you. “I’m only doing what the Savior thinks is necessary.”

That may as well have confirmed your suspicions. Your frown persisted, the foreboding feeling inside of you growing denser by the second. Without a word, you used your legs to propel your chair forward without having to get up, exuding considerable effort to get the janky wheels to actually move. Your chair came to a stop when your legs bumped into Ray’s, his eyebrows shooting up once again at your unusually brazen behavior. You leaned toward him, slipping your hand under the pink tips of his bangs and pressing your palm against Ray’s forehead the same way he so often did to you. He straightened up slightly but didn’t pull away. Instead, you found him leaning into your touch, which only exacerbated the warmth that was radiating from his flushed skin.

Too warm.

You could have kicked yourself for not realizing what was going on earlier. You might not have had to drink the elixir regularly, but one time was traumatic enough for you to burn that feeling of sickness into the back of your head. The fever, the confusion, and slight delirium, the haze through which your sick mind perceived the world- it made you shudder just to remember it. Ray may not have been as ill currently as you had been after your initiation, but you knew that regular ingestion of the elixir involved smaller amounts, so of course the side effects would be deluded. It may not have been obvious, and your distraction with other matters had clearly been enough to keep you from noticing, but you still couldn’t help berating yourself internally for your negligence. It twisted your heart to think that Ray had been drinking the elixir without saying a word to you, juggling the side effects in silence. But you knew without a doubt that he would have done so if the Savior told him to. He would bend over backward at the beckoning of her hand.

“Oh, Ray…” your frown fell and your shoulders slumped, personifying the guilt that filled your stomach. You retracted the hand that had been resting against Ray’s forehead just enough to brush some of his bangs out of his eyes, which were locked on you. His skin was unusually flushed, a clear indication that he was unwell, but Ray still looked at you as if  _ he _ was the one who was sorry.

“I’m sorry,” your voice sounded unusually forlorn, uncharacteristically emotional in comparison to the way you usually spoke with him. You rested your hand on his cheek, warm under your palm, and ran your thumb across the apple of his cheek. “I should have noticed sooner.”

You felt so  _ guilty. _ How long had this been happening without your knowledge? You had been so preoccupied with recent events unfolding around you that you hadn’t even thought to look past Ray’s odd behavior to find the source. The thought of him suffering quietly next to you, ignorant and distracted, had your chest wrenching.

Ray, clearly very adverse to your guilt, shook his head, his hands shooting up to gather yours. He pulled your hand away from his cheek, gathering it up in both of his, gloved fingers curling around your palm and encasing it completely. 

“No, don’t be sorry,” Ray pleaded. “You shouldn’t waste your emotions by worrying about me. This is the least I should be doing. The Savior knows what’s best for me.”

You could have cried, and you weren’t sure exactly why. You knew that you had always felt some level of responsibility toward Ray, especially as you’d grown closer to him and found out just how much the Savior took advantage of him. It was hard enough to think about just how tight of a hold she had on him and how easy it was for her to take advantage of the festering wounds that Ray had been carrying for years. But seeing that manipulation in front of your eyes, as evidenced by Ray’s strange behavior, slight fever, and hazy irises, was almost too much for you to handle.

He didn’t deserve this, and it hurt you to think that he felt this was necessary. But it hurt you even more that, in this moment, he was trying to comfort you, as if his suffering was an inconvenience.

“Ray, this isn’t right,” you insisted. You were usually able to filter your words, choosing them carefully when approaching sensitive subjects, but you found yourself unable to do so. You felt ashamed, worried, and angry at the woman who felt it was her right to use another person this way, drugging him up and compromising his already weakened state. “You shouldn’t have to take the elixir. It’s making you sick. If she really wanted to help you, she wouldn’t be doing this to you.”

Ray shook his head again as if chasing away your claims, hurrying to oppose your words. “It’s for my own good,” he countered, tightening his grip on your hand. “My body will get used to it and I’ll get stronger. The Savior said that I need to get rid of unnecessary thoughts to focus better on my work. It won’t harm me, so please don’t worry. It hurts me to see you sad.”

Emerald eyes and rosy cherub lips flashed through your mind. The image was enough to make you want to lash out in frustration. Though the evidence was right in front of you, you still found yourself completely unable to comprehend how the Savior could justify her actions to herself. How could she so casually construct a place like Magenta, filling the glittery halls with drugged people that she’d reduced to a shell of their former selves?

You were growing desperate again. You knew that you were arguing a point that Ray would never completely agree with, especially through the fog that was clouding his mind, but you couldn’t let yourself sit silently as he defended such a malicious person who didn’t care for him in the slightest.

“If the elixir isn’t harmful, why do you go behind her back to make sure I don’t take it?” You shot back. The negative feelings in your stomach were beginning to bubble into your throat in a way that made talking more difficult. “If it was really that good for you, you’d have me take it, too. But not once, in the weeks that I’ve been here, have you ever made me take that stuff. Please don’t do this to yourself. We both know that this isn’t good for you, Ray.”

You weren’t exactly sure what was giving you the courage to be so audacious with your words, but they fell out of your mouth easily, a manifestation of your sentiments and frustration. Perhaps your guilt was acting as fuel, igniting a fiery urge to try and get Ray to see reason, to stop filling his already suffering body with a concoction of unknown chemicals and drugs that would only wear him down until he could no longer get back up.

Ray must have known that he couldn’t refute your claims; you’d made a point that he couldn’t argue with. After a few seconds of staring at you silently, his body slumped suddenly, head dropping forward without warning, as if he was unable to keep looking at you. His face disappeared behind the curtain of his bangs, and the tightening of his grip on your hand suggested that he had been more upset than he was initially willing to let on. Ray seemed incredibly defeated, as if ashamed to look you in the eyes.

It was silent for a few seconds. You allowed him to try and find some stability through you, his entire body curled up as if to hide himself away from the world. Ray’s shoulders were rising and falling in time with his breathing. The hair on the top of his head was a silvery-white, illuminated blue due amidst the glow of the computers. Your one free hand lifted before you were able to stop it, going to rest on the side of his head. Your fingers disappeared amongst the dense strands, which curled around your knuckles as you stroked the side of his head gently with your thumb, wanting to give him comfort without speaking. His hair was slightly dry. 

You felt somehow as if you weren’t doing enough- Ray was clearly suffering and you had been late to notice.

“...I know,” he eventually spoke, and you were able to make out his words despite them being slightly muffled. 

You didn’t respond immediately, choosing instead to sit in the silence for a little bit longer. Speaking seemed an impossible task as your mind wandered about, trying to grasp your situation a little bit better. Ray, still curled up, seemed incredibly small in his magenta blazer. You briefly wondered if he was uncomfortable, bent over like he was, or if he was so fatigued that he just didn’t care anymore. 

It hurt you to see Ray like this. You had known that you’d started caring for him a long time ago, but the addition of such strong guilt was only fueling the upset that you felt. 

You couldn’t help feeling like this was partly your fault.

“Ray,” you finally tried to get his attention once more.

At your call, Ray lifted his head back up, sitting a bit straighter to meet your eyes. To say he looked downtrodden would have been an understatement. Ray was flushed with slight fever, the bags under his eyes puffy and dark, and his skin had lost some of the shine that it usually sported, leaving him with a sickly complexion. It was like giving in to his exhaustion only exacerbated the physical presence of his illness, and it wasn’t pretty. Ray’s eyes locked onto yours and, despite containing profound fatigue, still managed to give you his full attention.

As if you were the only thing that mattered to him.

Ray’s dedication to you, despite the state that he had been left in, twisted your heart. You felt incredibly guilty for having neglected his obvious change in demeanor for so long. Your head had been elsewhere, leaving you so distracted that you hadn’t detected the presence of the elixir’s effects, which seemed so obvious in hindsight.

What made you feel the most guilty was that Ray would never blame you. He would never put any of the fault on you. Instead, he would automatically put all responsibility on himself, providing you with exaggerated smiles and affectionate gestures to soothe your feelings, as if right now, your comfort mattered more than his safety.

“Do we really have to be here?” The words fell from your lips, quiet and slippery like a bar of soap you couldn’t quite grasp. Your voice sounded meek and desperate, a plea for Ray to see reason and understand just how twisted Mint Eye was. “I don’t want to see you hurting like this. You deserve better.”

There was a concoction of fatigue, misery, and resignation in Ray’s eyes, swimming around and staring at you. He was clearly unhappy, and very deeply so, but a part of Ray seemed to have settled for that unhappiness, like he felt it was the best that he could get.

You wondered how long ago he had stopped hoping for anything better.

“I could never leave this place,” Ray responded, his own voice quiet amidst the still atmosphere surrounding the two of you. “Magenta is the only place that I’ve ever belonged. I don’t like the elixir, but I serve a purpose here.”

You wondered briefly if Ray knew how much his words filled you with a profound hopelessness, leaving you deeply afraid that he would remain resigned to such an unfair fate forever. 

He could have so much more. The idea of allowing Ray to live with such despair was unfathomable to you. You knew that you, alone, wouldn’t be enough to undo years of abuse and manipulation, but you also knew that you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you didn’t at least try.

You raised your free hand, cupping Ray’s warm cheek and coaxing him forward. Your foreheads clunked together, greatly reducing the space between the two of you to a minimum which would have only made you uncomfortable weeks ago. You felt suddenly overcome with a deep, overwhelming need to hold him close to you, like you could ward off his pain with your presence alone. In that moment, an incredibly emotional part of you was whispering that if you tried hard enough, you could find a way to protect Ray from the world that was doing so much harm. If you just kept him close to you, offering him the security that life had never allowed him, then maybe you could somehow help him.

Ray seemed content to be so close to you, his eyelids fluttering back shut. It felt, to you, that he seemed to want to melt into you, leaning against you just a little bit more like the contact alone was enough to comfort him.

“I know,” you finally spoke, your voice feeling slightly more breathy than usual. “I know that you believe that. But it’s not true. You do have a place to belong. You just have to find it; a place that won’t keep hurting you like this. And I’d help you. You know I would. You deserve to find peace.”

And you would. If Ray offered you the opportunity, somehow suddenly changing his mind and choosing to escape this place with you, you knew that you would hold his hand all the while, sticking by him and offering your support. The world had been a cruel place to the both of you. Though Ray had undoubtedly suffered a life of pain you couldn’t imagine, you had also been unhappy for a long time. You had grown used to your melancholic life, settling into it and existing in a way that brought you no true satisfaction. You had become content with your own unhappiness until you were brought here.

You didn’t know what had changed you, but you were undoubtedly a different person than you had been before coming to Magenta.

Now, there was a part of you that whispered to you, coaxing you to hold out hope, trying to convince you that you, too, could have a chance at happiness.

“Peace…” Ray repeated the word you’d spoken to him, his breath ghosting across your lips and fanning over your cheeks, causing your skin to feel warm. “The only time I’ve ever felt peaceful is when I’m with you.”

His words, tender, sweet, and sad all at once, only increased your urge to keep him close. You had never been the type of person to protect somebody else, especially in the recent months that you’d spent completely alone, cut off from the rest of the world. But there was something about Ray; the way he spoke, the way he looked at you, and the feelings he expressed to you, that made you want to gather him up and shield him from the unrelenting suffering that he’d been administered during the course of his life. There wasn’t anything special about you, nothing to set you apart from the sea of people that existed in the world, and you knew that. You weren’t sure if you were even capable of keeping somebody completely safe- nobody was. But there was something about the way that Ray put his trust in you, showing you his vulnerabilities, leaning against you like he wanted nothing more than to hide away with you, that made you believe that if he trusted you this much, there was a chance that you really could share some sort of happiness with him.

Maybe you really could find a way to help Ray out of this place. You had to find a way, because you knew that you would never be able to leave him behind.

Perhaps that was why you allowed yourself to lean in just a little bit closer, all logical thoughts having completely taken a backseat in your mind for the time being. It seemed to happen naturally, without much conscious effort on your part, and you would have been embarrassed to admit that it felt right when your lips finally met his. They were chapped and dry, but tender all the same.

It wasn’t much, but it was powerful enough to ignite something strange in you, enticing a sudden tidal wave of nerves and warm emotions, flames curling up inside you and coaxing your heart to beat faster. The interaction was spontaneous but gentle, intensely emotional. It was short, but seemed to convey so much more than you ever expected any physical interaction was capable of conveying. The rush of emotions was strong enough that, had you been standing, you wouldn’t have been surprised if you were knocked off of your feet.

It felt  _ right. _ And in the moment, overcome with a deep longing to keep Ray close and safe, you couldn’t be bothered to consider the implications of what you were doing.

The kiss was soft, and you felt warmer than you had in a very long time.

It had hardly been a split second before the  _ ping _ of an incoming notification interrupted you. Ray pulled back suddenly, like he’d been burned, wide eyes looking straight at you with a mixture of shock and confusion. His eyebrows had all but disappeared behind his bangs, cheeks a deeper red than you’d ever seen them before. He stammered for a second, as if about to speak, before electing to turn towards his computer instead.

“Sorry!” Ray fumbled with the keyboard, his fingers shaking as he tried inputting his ridiculously long password. He fumbled the first time, re-entering the password in complete silence.

You began to feel extremely jittery out of nowhere, your fingers twisting around each other as nervous energy flooded your bloodstream.

You didn’t know whether to feel embarrassed or frustrated. You felt hot, your head swimming as you were left in the same position you’d been in, sitting in your chair and facing the empty spot that Ray had been in just a few seconds earlier. But your mind was already beginning to spin, taunting you as the reality of what you’d just done finally descended upon you.

That had been so unlike you. It was too spontaneous, unfitting of the situation you were in. 

_ Reckless. _

Ray was more than a little bit embarrassed, the tips of his ears such a bright red that they were almost glowing. He wasn’t saying a word to you, turned toward his computer with rigid shoulders. The warmth that you’d been feeling was quickly melting into humiliation. You could have kicked yourself.

Why had you done that? Were you trying to make things harder than they already were? Your timing couldn’t have been any worse. You hadn’t thought your actions through in the slightest, not even bothering to consider the consequences of doing something so reckless when you were stranded in the middle of a situation so volatile that any stability you had could shatter at any second. When had acting on impulse ever gotten you anywhere? And why was your heart still fluttering this way? Was your head supposed to feel this fuzzy?

Did the world  _ want _ to kill you?

Ray was high on elilxir. Your feelings might have been strong, overwhelming in their intensity, but it was no excuse to put him in the situation that you had just put him in.

You were trying to help him out of here, and threatening your friendship with him by acting so out-of-character was the last thing that would help.

You cursed at yourself as your head started to spin. You wheeled your chair back to the desk, your legs shaky and slightly weak. Your gaze fell on Ray, who was still facing the computer screen, cherry-cheeked and appearing significantly more unfocused than you had ever seen him.

You were starting to give in to trepidation. You had to fix this, and you needed to fix it now.

“Ray-” your voice sounded incredibly unsteady, so unlike what you were used to hearing from yourself, and you felt woefully unprepared for the panic that was flooding your stomach. 

What could you say that would fix this”

“Um, listen,” you tried, efforts to steady your voice failing, “I should have asked. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking-”

“ _ No! _ ” Ray interrupted you out of the blue, whipping his head around to face you once more. His eyes fell on you before darting away, like he was unable to look at you for too long. His face only grew a deeper shade of red after catching sight of you. His sudden interjection had taken you by surprise, causing you to fall silent, trying to leave room for him to speak.

God knows that if you said a single word, it would be the wrong thing.

“Don’t be sorry,” Ray spoke again, this time slightly calmer than before. “I don’t- It’s okay. I liked it.”

Immediately, Ray grew silent once more, leaving you completely stunned. Your chest had twisted into something indecipherable. The relief that befell you after you finally processed Ray’s words was enough to almost knock you over, a barrier in your chest finally disappearing and allowing you to breathe again. You felt strange, but not entirely bad. Confused, embarrassed, dizzy- a little glad, maybe?

You liked it. And that was a scary realization to come to.

It was overwhelming. You didn’t even know that this strange concoction of feelings could exist inside of you all at once. You couldn’t make sense of your emotions the way that you usually could. You felt unfamiliar to yourself, your lips still tingling as you drew a shaky breath, trying to ground yourself. How were you supposed to sort through this?

What was it about Ray that always made you act so stupid?

“What-?”

It was Ray’s sudden change in demeanor that finally caught your attention again. He had sat up straighter, as if surprised, before a frown drew his eyebrows together. A hissed curse fell from his lips, such a shift from his earlier attitude that you were taken completely by surprise.

Though it was hard for you to ignore the thoughts at the forefront of your mind, berating you for acting so rashly while simultaneously celebrating some sort of victory, you tried to return to the present. “What’s going on?” You felt stiff and awkward, out of place, but Ray didn’t seem to notice.

Instead, he rose to his feet, pocketing the smartphone that he’d left laying on the desk. Ray was quick, his movements slightly jerky, causing an alarm to go off in your head. “The redhead,” he told you, putting his computer to sleep. “He’s coming here. He’s on his way now.”

Your jaw slackened, mouth opening slightly as if you were going to speak, only for nothing to come. 

Seven was on his way here? To Magenta? 

Your head started to buzz again, ablaze with question after question, your heart thumping with renewed vigor. How many turns was this day going to be taking?

Ray seemed more focused than before, but you could tell by the way he moved that his mind was just as scrambled as your own. He snatched his keycard up, dropping it into his pocket with shaky fingers.

He was leaving?

“Where are you going?” You asked, rising to your own feet as the nervous energy pouring into you began to render you restless.

Was he really going to leave?

“I need to tell my Savior,” Ray told you. “This is an emergency.”

Something in you felt dejected. Rationally, you knew that Ray would have run off after receiving this information regardless of whatever else was going on, but the timing was so poor that you felt briefly flabbergasted. Was this some sort of sick joke?

Were you really just supposed to sit with these thoughts for however long Ray was about to be gone?

“Wait, Ray-” your hand shot out, grabbing onto his sleeve before Ray could complete his trek toward the door. There was no way you could just let him leave like that; you would drive yourself up the wall if you were left alone with the mass of racing thoughts that was stuffing your head. He stopped, turning back to you. As soon as you had his attention, you allowed yourself to continue. 

“Really, I’m sorry. I should have asked.”

Ray’s cheeks flushed almost immediately, mint eyes darting around yet again.

“A-Ah, that…” he stammered for a second, and you felt strangely relieved that you weren’t the only one who felt this uprooted. Ray’s gaze landed back on you once again, and though he was still beet-red, he was able to make eye contact with you while speaking. “It’s okay. I mean it.”

You weren’t convinced, and it must have been showing on your face. Ray, though obviously antsy to get going, took the time to grasp your hand, peeling it from his sleeve and gripping it in his own before giving it a tight squeeze.

“I’ll be back,” Ray told you. “Just wait here for me, okay?”

You didn’t want to give in. You didn’t want to let him go, and you didn’t want either of you to have to sit and obsess over what had just happened. 

But, in the end, you nodded anyways. What choice did you really have? There was too much going on for the both of you right now. Your timing had been impressively shitty, and you would have to sit with the consequences whether you wanted to or not.

Besides, if Seven was really on his way, you would definitely need to bring yourself back down to Earth to deal with whatever would befall Mint Eye with his arrival. There was no way you would be able to steady yourself with Ray around.

Ray offered you a smile, squeezing your hand once more before releasing it again, retracting the warmth that his hands had been providing you through the tight grip. He wasted no more time in hurrying to the door, opening it in a flash and slipping out, pulling the metal entrapment shut behind him. The lock clicked, reverberating around the room that now felt much too silent and far too empty.

Your mind was spinning, heart beating against your ribcage like you were running a marathon. For a few seconds you stood still, continuing to face the door as your eyes lost their focus. Your thoughts wandered far off, bringing back memories of just a few moments ago.

The thought instantly made you want to crumple into a paper ball and fall through the floor. Embarrassment didn’t come close to what you felt, but that wasn’t your primary issue at the moment. You had acted rashly, without thinking, and through doing so, had allowed yourself to truly see the extent to which you were  _ fucked. _

The whole point had been to win Ray’s affections so that you could escape. Even if you knew long ago that you had started to genuinely care for him, you had never allowed yourself to so much as entertain deepening your relationship to this level. You were trapped in a  _ cult _ , for God’s sakes. You were being threatened constantly, and the man that you had kissed was the same person that brought you here in the first place.

You were supposed to hate him. It would have been so much easier if you did, but you couldn’t. 

It was all so unlike you. You had never been forward, especially not like this. This wasn’t the time or the place, but you hadn’t even considered that.

And now Seven was coming to Magenta? To rescue V and Miyeon, and possibly you? After you’d taken the initiative to kiss Ray without warning?

It was all too much.  _ Shit. _

What were you going to do? Could you even do anything? You were still locked in this room, your companions spread around Magenta’s grounds, stuck who-knows-where with little information as to what was happening. Did they even know that Seven was coming? Would the RFA’s hacker even be able to get to V and Miyeon? Would they be able to find you and get you out of this room?

And if they did, would you even be able to leave?

Why were you so helpless?

  
And, dear God, why were you so hopelessly  _ stupid _ ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, classes were a lot. I'll definitely have to get used to the workload again, but it wasn't so bad that I wasn't able to write, haha. If anything, I really looked forward to being able to sit down at the end of the day to write for this fic. Thank you all for wishing me luck! I appreciate it. And I'm very grateful that so many of you are willing to wait for this story. It made me feel very motivated to read what everyone had to say. 
> 
> This chapter took on a life of its own! It was one of those where I feel like the characters honestly dictated it and brought it in a different direction than I thought it would go, but I'm actually pretty happy with it overall. Of course, there's the fact that this chapter contained a pretty big stepping stone, but there's also the knowledge that something (or someone, if you will) is looming overhead. If this seems sudden, I hope you won't worry too much. There's a reason for all of this.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone for waiting for all of this extra time for a new chapter. I think that, for now, the once-a-week schedule is going to be what I'm sticking with. I have time to get my classes done and to write and I don't have to stress about rushing any updates. I still want this story to be a quality read. :) Thank you to everyone who was so kind about it to me.
> 
> And thank you so very much to all of you who left Kudos/comments on the last chapter! I was absolutely amazed by everything that you guys had to say! I loved reading your insights and your reactions to the new character who's getting geared up to join us. Your comments brought me such joy throughout the week and I appreciate all of the time taken out of your days to leave such kind words. It always makes my day, so please feel free to comment anything that may be on your mind! Comments play a huge part in my motivation and I love talking to everyone. :)
> 
> I hope everyone has a wonderful week! Thank you so much for reading, and please take care!


	19. Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your mind is a whirlwind, and you realize that being confined has made things far more difficult than you had anticipated.

To say that you were conflicted would be an understatement.

You didn’t at all understand why you had done what you had done. It was rushed and reckless, unlike how you usually conducted yourself, and so poorly timed that you wanted to cringe. It kept on playing over in your head, unwilling to give you any respite.

You didn’t want to think about what you had done, but it seemed that the world wasn’t giving you any choice.

Where had your head been at that moment? You knew that you had been overrun with feelings, wanting nothing more than to protect Ray from the world that had hurt him so, but your emotions had materialized themselves in a way that you hadn’t expected. You were reeling from the effects of your actions, chest tight like you were suffering from whiplash. You felt a mess, your heart beating too quickly for you to find any peace. The thoughts that flew around in your head were doubtful and agitated, filling you with anxiety. You felt irritated and restless, unwilling to sit down but not having anywhere to really go.

You crossed your arms over your chest tightly, like doing so would help chase away the mass of embarrassment and confusion that was only growing every passing second. There was a knot of mismatched emotions plaguing your thoughts, and you knew that you were going to be bothered by this for a lot longer than you wanted to be.

“Why the fuck did I do that?” You demanded no one in particular, voice no louder than a whispered hiss. The words were spoken rashly, the syllables harsh as they tumbled from your lips, but even the cursing wasn’t quite enough to take the edge off.

It hadn’t taken you more than a few seconds to do this to yourself, but you knew that the consequences would only stack atop one another, complicating your situation further. And you only had yourself to blame.

_ What a mess. _

This was all one big, confusing mess, and everything you did was only making things worse. It was ironic that you so often felt like you were one of the only truly sane people in Magenta, because you were constantly acting in ways that made very little sense. It had taken you mere seconds to slip up, and you weren’t sure if this was something that you would be able to bounce back from. You certainly couldn’t pretend like you hadn’t done anything; you doubted that Ray would behave like normal after what had happened. You were actively ruining everything that you’d built up, endangering not only yourself, but everyone you had been wanting to help. 

Was there any way to justify that?

_ No. _

You couldn’t understand yourself, and you were frustrated that you had acted in a way that you hadn’t expected. You were losing what little control you had in an already uncertain, volatile situation. 

This wasn’t right. None of what had transpired should have happened the way that it did. But you couldn’t take it back, and that thought was fermenting in your mind. Your agitation was only festering, and your head was beginning to throb.

What you wouldn’t give to take a break, or sit outside for just a few minutes. Anywhere sounded better than this cold, dark, cramped room with nothing but computer screens and locked file cabinets.

Unfortunately for you, that wasn’t an option. You were stuck in the workroom, and your troubles extended far beyond your newest woes. There were many more things that you needed to worry about. 

Seven was on his way to Mint Eye.

Your assumption was that Seven’s primary purpose was to rescue V and Miyeon, though you could only draw conclusions with the meager information you’d gathered over the past few weeks. You were nervous; even you didn’t know exactly where your comrades were, and if somebody else got caught up and captured, you knew that things would only get worse. Ray had made his hatred for Seven quite clear, and you shuddered when you imagined what would happen to the RFA’s hacker if he were to be taken hostage.

Selfishly, though, that wasn’t your only concern.

You knew that the RFA had come to a consensus that you were a victim as well. Apparently, Miyeon had been adamant about your position as her friend and someone who needed rescuing just as much as she did, and while that ignited immeasurable appreciation and relief, you still felt unsure. There were too many variables to carry out a plan with guaranteed success. Ray had been smart about some of the secrets he kept from you. Even though he trusted you with his past, his emotions, and some sensitive information regarding Mint Eye, you were aware of the fact that he was purposely keeping certain things secret to ensure that you wouldn’t be able to escape without considerable trouble. 

And it was working.

You didn’t even know where you were in the building. You hadn’t been outside of Magenta’s walls in weeks. You didn’t even know where the exit was. Even if you did, how would you get there? You couldn’t leave the workroom without an escort. Ray kept your keycard with him at all times, ensuring you stayed put, trapped in the windowless room with walls so grey that your eyes hurt. Even if Seven, by some miracle, was able to find you, he would have no way of opening the thick metal door that kept you from the rest of Magenta.

And if Seven did somehow find a way to break you out of this room, where would that leave you? Would you be able to take off and leave Ray behind when you’d already failed at that once before? 

But that didn’t justify remaining trapped in a cult, allowing the horrors in Magenta to continue. You knew exactly what went on inside of these walls. You were a victim, but so was everyone else around you. There were atrocities left and right, shadows filling every corner, and every Believer was stuffed with a concoction of strange drugs and chemicals that kept them more like zombies than actual people. 

You, as one of the only people who remained largely untouched by the influence of the elixir, still had the wherewithal to try and do something about Mint Eye once you escaped. Even if you knew that your life would revert back to the same, lonely cycle that had led you here in the first place.

Even if you would forever struggle with the prospect of betraying Ray, you knew that wasn’t an excuse to turn a blind eye to everything that horrified you about Mint Eye. This internal conflict would rage on inside of you forever. Eventually you would have to make a choice, and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to remain trapped in this workroom forever. It had only been little over a month, but your time at Magenta had already changed you in ways that you never thought possible. You had learned to water down certain parts of yourself to keep from getting in trouble, and you weren’t sure if you would be able to bounce back from that so easily.

The stress of living under constant threat while confined to a small room had been unbearable from the very start. You’d lost all semblance of freedom, and while you could find some comfort in Ray despite his status as your captor, you still longed for the breeze of the wind, the warmth of sunshine on your skin, and the knowledge that you could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. You didn’t need to ask to use the restroom, you didn’t need to be escorted, and you didn’t need to be treated as if you were something to be locked up. 

You didn’t want to have to worry about a woman who could have you killed. You didn’t want to think about the elixir anymore, nor did you want to be dragged into the Savior’s revenge any further. The constant stress and anxiety was exhausting at the best of days, and you were sure that, if prolonged, it would only wear you down more. You could see the same thing happening to Ray. His exhaustion was clear as day, and it hurt you to see him continue to suffer at the hands of somebody he thought was trying to help him. Currently, you knew that Ray wasn’t ready to leave this place with you. You’d seen glimmers of hope through your interactions with him, especially recently, but they were always fleeting, slipping right through your fingers when you tried to grasp them.

Maybe, with time, you would be able to lead Ray out of Mint Eye. But that day hadn’t come yet and you weren’t sure how much longer you would be able to wait. 

You’d seen Ray at the height of his emotions, crying while intrusive memories of abandonment and betrayal completely wrecked his mind. You’d seen the way his eyes became bloodshot, the way his head hurt, and how vulnerable he’d become after having been taken advantage of and abandoned so many times. Even now, the Savior was still only perpetuating Ray’s pain, furthering the cycle by keeping him in her clutches and controlling his every move. She was filling him to the brim with drugs and watching him squirm, struggling to try and manage the insane workload she’d dumped onto his shoulders. At this point, you wouldn’t have been surprised if his veins circulated more elixir than blood.

You cared about Ray much more than you’d initially wanted to admit, as evidenced by your actions only minutes ago. It hurt you to see him in pain.

Ray clung to you so tightly, the idea of you disappearing so petrifying that he was willing to lock you away in a room without allowing you so much as a sliver of daylight. Though his actions were unjustifiable and still hard for you to come to terms with, you knew that, ultimately, they were a product of years of torment and pain. It was Ray’s fear that drove him to such extremes, and you could feel it in the way he interacted with you. He touched you so gently, as if you were made of glass, went against the Savior to keep you from drinking the elixir, and threaded flowers through your hair. Clearly, he liked you. You had assumed the role of a loved one, and the thought of breaking Ray’s heart like that was enough to make you feel sick to your stomach.

Could you do it? If presented with the option to choose, would you continue to stay with him and wait? Or would you prioritize the safety of the Believers and ultimately yourself, and allow yourself to finally take hold of the escape that you’d been working toward for so long? You’d already failed once, and you weren’t sure if you would be able to make a different choice this time.

Especially not after what you’d done a few minutes ago.

Your head grew hot as the memory rekindled itself, burning brightly like a fire that you were sitting just a little bit too close to.

And just like that, the cycle started all over again. You would not rest tonight.

* * *

For hours you sat in the small room. 

You had initially been restless beyond reason, pacing back and forth and unable to settle down. You were jittery with anxiety and lingering embarrassment, perking up at every noise that you could hear. Part of you hoped that Ray would come back soon so that you could get a glimpse into what was going on outside of the workroom, but the other part of you wanted more time. Though you knew that you would have to face the consequences of your actions eventually, you weren’t sure if you were ready to look Ray in the eyes just yet. Your mind was running in circles, tiring itself out and leaving you feeling fatigued and drained.

But there was only so much of that your exhausted body could take. After a little while, you eventually settled back into your chair, leaning your head back and closing your eyes despite knowing that you would not be able to sleep. You were unbelievably anxious, and there was no easy remedy in sight.

Even as the evening turned to night, you remained awake. Usually, there would have come a time when you would drift off to sleep. When you first arrived, it wasn’t often that Ray would leave you on your own, especially not for very long. From what you had gathered, if there was anything he needed to do outside of the workroom, he would take care of it while you were asleep. It was as if Ray hadn’t wanted to leave you unattended, like he wanted to be near you at all times while you were awake.

Ray had even told you that he wanted to be the only person in your eyes. He had definitely made good on that promise.

But once Miyeon and the RFA were involved, the dynamics had changed. Ray was much busier and, for a while, you were too. You had been distracted by spending time with Miyeon, sharing secrets and scheming amongst yourselves until that was no longer an option. Over the last few nights especially, you had gotten used to spending time by yourself in the workroom. Hours would drag by and you would sit in your chair for so long that your backside hurt by the end of the night. Your joints would become stiff from disuse, and your mind would run itself in circles for hours. There was always  _ something _ to obsess over and think about, and tonight had been no exception.

By the time something happened, you felt like your head was about to burst. The noise was distant at first, but it was enough for you to take notice of it. You listened closely, going completely still as the shuffling came closer. Several pairs of footsteps came to a very sudden stop outside of the door, and you sat up straighter in your chair, trying to remain as quiet as possible as you got up, slowly inching toward the door. 

Whoever was outside wasn’t opening the door and letting themselves in. You felt far too alert, your senses honing in on whoever was in the hallway. You were acutely aware that, if something went wrong, you had nowhere to go. You were trapped in this small room, backed into a corner. That thought sent a wave of adrenaline coursing through your body, and a shiver soon followed, bringing with it goosebumps that prickled your flesh.

You could have sworn you heard hushed whispering, but making out any specific words through the metal door was nearly impossible. A frown drew your eyebrows together, your face contorting into a slight frown.

_ What the hell? _

The doorknob jiggled, but the door itself didn’t open. You could have sworn you heard a curse of some sort. Your heart began to thump faster in your chest as you stood completely still, like a prey trying to wait out a predator by camouflaging into their surroundings. Your hands were clammy as you stood at attention, staring at the door like you could see straight through it if you tried hard enough.

Who in the world would be gathering outside of your door like this?

Was it  _ him? _

You heard your name, and your heart dropped into your stomach. A mixture of desperation and relief so strong you could hardly breathe suddenly filled you to the brim, leaving you short of breath.

_ Miyeon. _

“Are you in there?” You heard her voice again, louder than a whisper but still quiet enough to suggest that she was afraid of attracting any attention.

The surge of energy that filled your body was enough to send your nerves into overdrive, buzzing around inside of your head so loudly that you could hardly think straight.

“I’m in here!” You responded, taking the last step toward the door and pressing the palm of your hand against the cool metal. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m with Seven and V!” She told you, her words urgent and rushed. “We came to get you, but I can’t open the door.”

Another rattle at the doorknob. Suddenly, your initial excitement dropped into the pit of your stomach, settling like a cold stone that only wanted to weigh you down as you realized what was going on.

Seven had come. He had found both V and Miyeon, and they had come to find you. They were right outside of the door with the promise of freedom, the sun, and the blue sky.

_ But you were locked in. _

You reached down to the doorknob and jiggled it yourself, the metal cool in your sweaty palm. Despite your forceful efforts, the knob remained largely stuck and, when you pulled at it, the door didn’t give in the slightest.

The room suddenly felt so small that you couldn’t breathe.

This couldn’t be happening to you. You were so  _ close. _

“Miyeon, we need to leave,” an unfamiliar voice reached your ears, slightly quieter than Miyeon’s, but still loud enough for you to hear. It must have been Seven who sounded that serious, like he was conducting business and you were already a lost cause. “We don’t have much time.”

_ No. _

The way out was right in front of you. Miyeon was on the other side of the door, with her amber eyes and long, chocolate hair, real and genuine in her efforts to bring you with them. She was your comrade, your friend, and the two of you had been working toward this very opportunity for weeks. Your lungs twisted inside of your chest as you gave the doorknob another, stronger tug, the noise loud as it bounced off the walls of the workroom. The metal was slick in your hands, and maintaining a firm grip on it was near impossible, but you refused to give up.

You didn’t care if anyone else heard you. You didn’t want to be careful, you wanted out.

They couldn’t just leave you here. They  _ couldn’t. _

Your throat was beginning to close, your vision tunneling in on the doorknob that refused to budge.

You couldn’t be alone here. Not without Miyeon, who’d been the one person to truly help you through this. She’d evened out your anxiety, given you a purpose, and treated you with such kindness. In the midst of all of your internal conflict, you’d been hesitant to escape, but in the scenarios you played out, you’d had a choice. You never even considered that the freedom to choose would have been denied with such cruelty. Now, you weren’t being given a choice, and you knew that you would never be able to create an opportunity to run if you were working alone again.

“I can’t open it,” your voice wavered, hands slick with sweat against the doorknob. There was a lump in your throat, threatening to suffocate you, and forcing words past it was only making your panic worse. “Ray keeps my keycard with him. I can’t get out!”

There was no way things could be going in this direction. Not after weeks of hard work and constant tribulation. There was no way you could just be left behind. Not like this.

You wanted to be rational. You wanted to be strong enough to urge Miyeon to prioritize herself, to just run while she had the chance. But you were far too human, far too selfish, and the words wouldn’t leave your mouth. You wanted them to find a way to open the door, and you were afraid that if you urged them to leave, any sliver of hope that might have remained would have been immediately extinguished. 

Maybe, by some freak stroke of luck, they would find a way to get you out. 

They had to. They couldn’t just leave you. You couldn’t be at Mint Eye by yourself.

“Miyeon,” Seven’s voice sounded much harsher this time, and the implications of his change of tone had your throat constricting even further. “V needs help. We have to go.”

You could hardly breathe. The walls were crumbling around you as the inevitable began to dawn on you. 

They wouldn’t get that door open. It was there to act as an indestructible barrier, and it was serving its purpose well.

It was there to lock you in just as much as to keep others out. You hadn’t come to Mint Eye of your own volition in the first place. You’d been drugged, dragged away, forcefully locked in and threatened at every turn. How had you expected that getting out would be any easier?

How could you have been so stupidly hopeful?

A short silence from the other side of the door only allowed for your feelings to fester. Your eyes were beginning to burn with desperation, but you couldn’t say a thing.

Miyeon spoke your name again, and the resigned note to her voice was enough to make you feel like you were collapsing into nothing. The world was going to chew you up and spit you out, leaving you nothing but a useless, disfigured version of your former self.

You would never get out of Mint Eye alive.

“I’m so sorry,” Miyeon sounded so miserably apologetic that it was hard for you to handle. “We can’t open the door.”

You didn’t know what came over you, but when you slumped against the door, forehead against cold metal, all you could feel was a heavy hopelessness settling over you. You felt like something was trying to drag you to the ground so that you could melt away from the world. It blanketed you, hugging your shoulders and coating your thoughts, coloring them darker than they had been in a long time.

Your chest physically hurt. It was too much for you to handle, and your voice quivered as it fought its way out of your mouth.

“Please don’t leave me here.”

You were pitiful. This was pathetic. You knew that your begging wouldn’t make a difference. No matter how much they wanted to get you out, they couldn’t force the metal door open on a whim. You had all been underprepared, and this was the consequence of a lack of planning. Ultimately, you knew that they needed to be safe, even if you were too selfish to tell them that aloud.

But you couldn’t pretend like you weren’t selfish; like you didn’t feel absolutely crushed by the realization that the one thing that you wanted, which was directly in front of you, was impossible for you to grasp.

The thought of being stranded in Mint Eye alone again was enough to make you want to cry. It was unfair and horribly ironic. You remembered so clearly a time when you craved solitude, pushing out the people in your life in an attempt to keep to yourself. Now, the last thing you wanted was to be alone. You had finally found a friend, someone you could count on, and you were already losing that.

You would never be able to escape Magenta. Not like this.

Miyeon only sounded more upset by your words, and you were deeply ashamed when you heard her take a breath, hold it in for a few seconds, and expel it slowly. It was like she was trying to gather herself up, to give herself courage to do what needed to be done.

You wanted to be able to tell Miyeon that she was doing the right thing, but you couldn’t.

The only thing that you could think was that you didn’t want to be alone.

“I’m so sorry,” she said from the other side of the door. “I promise you that I’ll find a way out for you, okay? So please hang in there.”

You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t.

You had never felt this distraught before. You had felt angry, miserable, lonely, and ashamed, but never this hopeless. Never like the world was falling apart in a way that you would never be able to fix. And it hurt.

“Miyeon,” Seven urged her again. A part of you wanted to be angry with him for rushing her, but you knew that he was hurrying for good reason. You couldn’t blame him. If they got caught, everything would be over. 

This wasn’t just about you. It never had been.

“It’s okay,” you finally managed, though you were still gripping the door handle so tightly that your knuckles were bone-white. “Seven’s right. You should go. I’ll figure something out.”

The words tasted horrendous in your mouth, bitter and fake. 

You could have sworn you heard another curse. You didn’t know if it made you feel any better that Miyeon didn’t want to leave you, or if that just made the situation more frustrating. It felt like you were so close, the opportunity right in front of your eyes. 

Just a few minutes before, you had been debating whether or not you would have the will to escape. Now, though, you wanted nothing more than to rip the door open and run free. Now, there was no question that you wanted to leave, to run with all of your might until Magenta was a distant memory on the horizon. You never wanted to see its glittery white halls, royal blue curtains, or robed believers ever again. You wanted to leave it all behind, but you couldn’t. You were stuck, whether you wanted to be or not. Mint Eye had you in its grasp, and Ray had been tirelessly dedicated to ensuring you would remain by his side. He might have cared about you deeply, but he wasn’t about to let you leave.

You had walked right into this. From the second you’d taken his hand at the cafe you used to frequent so often, your fate had been sealed.

You couldn’t blame anyone but yourself.

“I’m so sorry,” Miyeon repeated. “We have to go. Hang in there, okay? Please. I swear we’ll get you out.”

You nodded despite knowing that she would be unable to see it. You felt like all of your energy had been sapped, leaving you completely drained both physically and mentally. The agony that was scrambling your mind at the thought of being left behind was so powerful that, for a moment, you genuinely felt like there wasn’t enough air in this room for you to so much as breathe.

Everything was chaotic. It had been chaotic for a long time. But now, you felt like you were watching it all fall apart in front of your eyes. Everything you’d built up over the last few weeks with Miyeon and V was crumbling to the ground, and you were stranded among the mess.

You couldn’t say a single word, even as Seven ushered Miyeon to leave and she relented.

You were silent, useless, and so deeply upset that you could barely think.

As you heard the footsteps retreating again, you couldn’t get yourself to move. Your legs had been reduced to jelly, wobbly in their attempts to hold you upright, and you didn’t have the wherewithal to resist as you slid down to the ground, leaning against the very same metal door that was responsible for your predicament.

The air was cold and frigid, dry against your lips and throat. Your lungs burned, your chest was tight, and there was a strange hollowness inside of you that pulsated with every beat of your heart. 

You had never felt more hopeless, more alone than you did at this moment.

And you couldn’t help feeling like the war inside of you would never stop. The shadows in the corner of the room, reaching out towards you with grotesque, spindly arms wouldn’t leave you be until they had completely dragged you into the darkness with them.

You weren’t sure if you had the strength to resist anymore.

* * *

If you hadn’t heard multiple people return with Ray, you likely wouldn’t have even bothered getting up. You were content enough with your position on the floor, uncomfortable through it was, and you didn’t want to have to expend any extra energy to move. Your limbs felt like lead, and your head hurt so bad that moving sounded like far more trouble than it was worth.

Maybe lying on the ground for a few more hours would do you some good, you thought.

But when you heard mention of the Savior, you kicked your ass into high-gear, launching yourself up so quickly that dizziness washed over your head with surprising intensity. Your joints were stiff and sore, complaining loudly as you scurried over toward your chair, taking a seat in hopes of making yourself look like you hadn’t been doing anything suspicious. Your heart was beating so quickly that you felt light-headed, the sound reverberating through your skull and intensifying the dull ache that you had been nursing for hours.

And not a moment too late. You heard the lock of the door as it opened, allowing those in the hallway access. The sound was enough to make you feel upset all over again.

If you could only have opened the door earlier when you actually needed it open. 

Ray hurried in, followed closely by the Savior and the pair of Believers that had been trailing her. Ray was moving quickly, clearly agitated. His face was flushed, an angry scowl etched into his features, and you could immediately tell that things had not gone the way that he wanted them to. You found yourself returning to your feet as the Savior entered the room. You felt like you were standing at attention, forcing your lips together tightly to prevent yourself from speaking a single word. Her golden hair was effortlessly wavy as always, like strands of liquid gold, but her eyes were agitated and slightly red.

The air that followed Ray and the Savior into the room was emotionally loaded, so tense that you felt any wrong move would snap everything back apart again. You instantly knew by Ray’s behavior that V, Miyeon, and Seven must have made it out, and that thought brought you the first semblance of comfort that you had felt in hours.

You didn’t dare look at her too much longer, instead glancing over at Ray as he quickly leaned over his keyboard and typed the password into his computer, allowing himself access. The screen opened up to a long series of complicated code, the letters too small and strung together in sequences far too complex for you to decipher. Ray hissed a curse, his eyes scanning over the code before he straightened back up and turned to the Savior without so much as acknowledging you.

You felt like a spectator, watching everything from the outside. You could feel the nerves buzzing in your head, ablaze with small sparks of lightning.

“I was one step behind,” he told the Savior, gritting his teeth. “He cut access by force.”

The Savior’s eyebrows drew together into a glare so harsh and enraged that you felt yourself subconsciously lean away from her. You felt like you would get singed if you did a single thing to exasperate her fury.

You were content to remain out of the way.

“What about V?” She demanded, her voice unusually harsh. “Where is he?”

The Savior’s words were only making you feel smaller and smaller.

_ They didn’t know. _

Your teeth were grit together, your jaw clenched, and you found yourself wishing that there was a way for you to sink into the ground to stay out of sight. As far as Ray and the Savior were concerned, you didn’t exist at this moment, and you wanted to keep it that way. This was the first time that you had ever been present when they spoke business, and you felt like you were intruding on something secretive. Had you felt any more confident, you would have taken the initiative to retreat into your room, but your legs were frozen in place.

“Forgive me, my Savior,” Ray’s voice, which had previously sounded agitated, took on a much more apologetic tone, a slight stutter prefacing his words. “I think I’ll need more time to figure out where exactly. Maybe- Maybe about two days-”

“Two days?” The Savior repeated, eyes steely and voice hard. “That’s too long. He’ll be far away in two days’ time.”

Even you were frightened, seeing her this way. The Savior had always appeared so put-together, so effortlessly graceful that witnessing her so rattled was incredibly unsettling.

“I’ll get to work as fast as I can,” Ray tried to placate her, sounding only more desperate. “The redhead keeps corrupting the signal.”

“Is the messenger completely shut down?” The Savior’s frown was slowly deepening into a glare. You could see the gears of her mind turning through her malachite eyes.

_ They had shut the messenger down? _

  
What all had happened while you’d been stuck in this room?

“Yes,” Ray responded. “The redhead’s blocked all access using force. But I won’t let him get away with this. I’ve already hacked and copied all of the information from the RFA app. I built a renovated messenger based on the copied version. It’s not completely developed, but I could start it up anyways.”

You kept silent, but you were hanging onto every word shared between the pair.

Even with your less than rudimentary knowledge concerning hacking, you knew what Ray was trying to say. He could initiate contact again, even if the RFA had shut down their messenger.

“But…” Ray paused slightly, glancing up at the Savior as he chose his words with caution. “I’ll be the only user online once I start it.”

The Savior sounded exasperated when she responded, annoyance clear in the tone of her voice. “Then there’s no use if you’re the only user, Ray.”

Ray hurried to continue speaking despite the Savior’s soured expression. “Usually, the administrator has to register every member’s phone individually so that only registered members can access the chatrooms. The renovated version of the messenger still utilizes that method.”

Ray glanced over at you for the first time, meeting your eyes briefly before he continued to speak. “I collected the data on the phones belonging to my assistant and the tester when I made contact. It’s unique to their phones.”

You shouldn’t have been surprised, but you couldn’t help feeling slightly violated that your privacy had been invaded at such a level. Had this been before or after you were kidnapped? You briefly wondered if Ray still had your original phone, which had gone missing from your person after you’d been drugged in the car. Both your phone and the bag with your belongings had been nowhere to be found after you’d awoken in the holding cells in the basement. You hadn’t thought about it too much, but the mention of your phone had the question popping up in your mind again.

“I see,” the Savior didn’t so much as look at you, despite your being mentioned, but you were fine with remaining out of her line of sight. Her eyes seemed to grow darker somehow, the corners of her lips tugging upward in a smirk so unnerving that you fought to keep chills from crawling up your spine.

It was like the Savior wasn’t even bothering to hide the malice that she’d been nursing for so long.

“So, you could make Miyeon access the messenger by force, correct?” The Savior’s eyes seemed to briefly lose focus, her smirk widening slightly.

Something was kindling inside of you at the mention of Miyeon. She had just escaped, and they were already trying to drag her back into this?

You fought to contain your anger. 

_ Leave her alone. _

“Yes,” Ray responded, sounding re-energized, as if he was glad to have finally given the Savior something of use.”I can also make V and the redhead access the messenger by force. The redhead has been using four phones to counter my hacking. I was able to gain unique data from all of them since we attacked each other so many times. I analyzed the data and found out that he’s been using remodeled phones to make sure they’re secure.”

You kept your lips pressed together tightly as you listened in on the forming plans. You didn’t like any of what you were hearing, but you kept all evidence of your distaste to yourself.

The last thing you wanted to do right now was to put yourself in the spotlight. The Savior didn’t seem like she was in a particularly forgiving mood, and if she found out that you were working against them, you were sure to be eliminated without mercy.

“One is a dummy, one is connected to his information agency, one is for messenger development, and one is for using the messenger. I found the same remodeling code in V’s phone, too, so I think the redhead must have remodeled his phone. I couldn’t collect any unique data from the rest of the members. But I could force-invite V, the redhead, and the tester.”

The Savior’s frown finally seemed to dissipate a little bit, and you didn’t like the implications of that at all.

“Very well,” she said. “I’d like to access the messenger, too.”

Ray’s eyes widened ever so slightly. Clearly taken aback, his voice rose an octave. “You too, Savior?”

Even you were surprised. The Savior was finally going to get directly involved? She was willing to compromise her true identity to the RFA?

You couldn’t help feeling like things were only getting more serious with time. If the Savior was accessing the messenger personally, that could only mean that she was becoming more committed.

“Yes,” the Savior smirked once more, her voice strangely frosty. “I’d like to speak to Miyeon myself. We must bring her back before V’s venom completely poisons her.”

So that was why. 

For whatever reason, it seemed like Miyeon was becoming to the Savior the same thing that you were to Ray. That only put Miyeon in more danger. You could handle Ray well enough most of the time, but the Savior was manipulative on a completely different level. She seemed to see something in Miyeon that she wanted to hold onto, and that made you feel uneasy.

There was no way that Miyeon could come back here. You had to find a way to stop that from happening.

_ Just leave her alone. _

The frustration was festering in your chest, your blood beginning to boil within your veins. Hadn’t they put her through enough?

How much further was this going to go? Would the Savior ever be satisfied?

Completely unaware of your internal dialogue, the conversation between Ray and the Savior persisted. 

“Of course,” Ray nodded.

For the first time since she’d entered, the Savior’s eyes of emerald fell to you, glittering like jewels even in the dim light of the workroom. You felt yourself subconsciously stand up straighter, like you were a disobedient child under inspection by a figure of authority. The way she looked at you made you feel deeply uncomfortable, and you struggled to keep your face as blank as you could.

With the emotions raging inside of you after having to be left behind by your comrades, you knew that your state of mind wasn’t particularly sound. You didn’t want to be put at any disadvantage by clueing the Savior in on what had happened. You didn’t want them to know that you’d been in on any of this, even if you were sure that she suspected you to some degree. And you most certainly didn’t want to give them any hints about where V, Miyeon, and Seven could have gone.

The Savior hummed as she looked at you, the intensity of her gaze making your skin crawl. You wondered what was going through her mind while she looked at you like that, but you got a distinct feeling that you wouldn’t like the answer to that question.

The Savior’s gaze returned to Ray. You could practically see the gears turning in her head, even when she finally spoke again.

“You said that you have the data on your assistant’s phone, correct?”

You didn’t know if you should be relieved or offended that the Savior was talking about you like you weren’t more than a few steps away from her. You didn’t even bother to hide your sudden interest in the conversation, the mention of you prompting your heart to skip a beat.

Ray nodded. “Yes, Savior.”

The Savior looked back at you. “Then, I’ll have Ray connect you to the messenger as well.”

You felt like you briefly short-circuited. 

You must have heard her wrong. There was no way that the Savior would want you connected to the RFA. You were too much of a liability, and she had made it obvious that she knew of at least some of your facade.

But the look that the Savior was giving you told you otherwise. She was completely serious.

Your blood began to chill inside of your veins, your brows raising in surprise. Before you could open your mouth to ask why, Ray beat you to it.

“Sorry?” He asked, voice rising an octave in shock. “Why- Why would you want that?”

Your thoughts exactly. The Savior hadn’t been particularly excited about the prospect of involving you in anything important. Very early on, she’d made it obvious that you were there to serve a purpose as Ray’s assistant, and nothing else. You had never been made privy to any important information because you, yourself, weren’t important.

The Savior had always looked at you like you were nothing more than an insect. The thought that you were suddenly being endowed with extra responsibilities felt more foreboding than anything else, and you had a distinct feeling that you wouldn’t like her reasoning. She wouldn’t connect you to the RFA without a clear goal in mind.

You remained quiet, allowing the Savior to answer.

“Miyeon sees you as a friend,” the Savior said, looking directly at you. “I’m sure she has reservations about leaving without you. If I’m unable to convince her to return on her own, I can use you to help.”

_ Oh. _

You were bait. 

That realization caused your throat to constrict a little bit. The thought of being so obviously used, like you were an object instead of a person, was deeply upsetting. The fact that the Savior was willing to exploit your friendship with Miyeon, the one person you had been fighting to protect from the very beginning, left a sour taste in your mouth. Your heart was in your throat, daring you to speak up and tell the Savior exactly how you felt about this, but you knew that you couldn’t. You weren’t in a position to refuse at the moment.

Besides, there was no way that Miyeon would come back so easily. She wasn’t stupid- she would know that this was a trap. And if you could somehow convince her that you would be okay, that you would work through things on your end, then you knew that she would believe you. There was no doubt in your mind that Miyeon would trust you over the Savior. 

You just needed to keep those thoughts to yourself. So you did.

“Savior,” Ray jumped into the conversation before you could respond, yet again. “That- I don’t think that’s possible. I destroyed that phone. I didn’t want anyone to be able to track it.”

Instinctually, you looked over at Ray. You had never thought to ask about your belongings, and they had escaped your mind rather quickly anyways. You’d been too preoccupied with things more important to spend too much time thinking about your old phone and bag, but you didn’t think that Ray would have outright destroyed your stuff.

It didn’t sound like him. 

Ray didn’t look back at you. He was completely focused on the Savior, who raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

“Why would you do that?” She seemed exasperated with Ray yet again. “You could have just wiped the phone, couldn’t you?”

The Savior sounded surprised, if not slightly suspicious, and you couldn’t blame her. 

Was he really lying to her just to keep you from contacting the RFA?

Ray bit at his lower lip for a second, as if he was anxious and unable to completely hide it. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want anyone to find us here.”

A short silence befell the room. 

The Savior eventually sighed. “Alright.” She looked back over at you, but there was a tinge of annoyance in her eyes as she regarded you, like you were just barely worth the trouble and frustration. “You can use Ray’s phone, then. Whose phone you use isn’t important; you won’t be accessing the messenger often, anyways. I’ll speak more with Ray on this later and he’ll tell you what to do.”

Your voice was failing you. Instead of responding you just nodded, struggling to hold her gaze when presented with such clear hostility. You felt chilled to the bone, fighting to suppress a shudder.

The Savior finally looked back at Ray, and you ceased to exist once again. “Ray, please hurry up and find out where V is. I’m counting on you.”

The Savior sounded surprisingly serious. Something about the way she spoke, the sense of finality in her voice where V was involved, make her appear all the more dangerous. You got the distinct impression that she wouldn’t stop until she had exacted her revenge on V, whatever her revenge entailed.

You weren’t sure you really wanted to know.

“Everything will turn out as you wish,” Ray reassured her, bowing his head and raising his right hand to rest it atop his heart.

Something in your chest twisted at his words. You absolutely loathed seeing him bow down to her like this, reducing himself to less than the Savior.

Ray was worthy of so much more. You knew that.

The Savior, however, seemed pleased. “Good.” 

Nothing else was said. She turned around and left the workroom, walking with renewed purpose. Petite though she was, the Savior’s disposition was that of power, and you briefly wondered if you would ever stop being so intimidated by her. The Believers that had been flocking behind her followed her out, vacating the room. They pulled the door shut behind them, enclosing you in the small space of the workroom once more. A lock sounded through the room, echoing off the walls with a strange sense of finality.

It reminded you of your reality, that you were still stuck at Magenta. The chance of escape had truly eluded you this time, and you couldn’t help feeling as if you wouldn’t get such an opportunity again.

Miyeon and V were gone. Even Seven had been nearby briefly, but he was gone now, too.

It was just you. You were completely alone.

Though your earlier distress had dissipated somewhat, the exhaustion and hopelessness it left in its wake was just as tiring. Your thoughts were completely scrambled, and your muscles equally as fatigued.

You had been spacing out, eyes unfocused and mind wandering when Ray finally spoke from beside you.

“I don’t want you to connect to the messenger,” his mutter garnered your attention, and you finally looked right up at him. Ray’s mint eyes, which had previously been trained on the ground, met your gaze. He looked upset, eyebrows drawn together in frustration. “I don’t want you to talk with any of them. Not V, who lies, and not the tester, who believes his lies so faithfully.”

Although you were busy grappling your own issues, it was easy enough for you to slip into your usual mindset upon listening to Ray’s anxieties. You almost welcomed the distraction, wanting nothing more than to escape the confines of your own mind, even if only for a little bit.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” you said, turning to face Ray a bit more fully. “The Savior even said that I wouldn’t be on very often.”

Ray, still looking at you, let out a heavy sigh. It seemed to come from the depths of his lungs, and you noticed that he appeared a bit more slumped afterward, like his energy was being sapped by the second. He stood completely still for a few seconds, as if thinking deeply about something, before he finally moved again.

Ray pulled his chair out and practically fell into it. You wondered briefly if he’d been able to sit down at all since rushing out of the room so many hours ago. His exhaustion was clear as day, and when you considered the fact that he’d been drinking more and more elixir, you slowly grew more worried. 

You remembered the way Ray’s eyes had looked at you when he’d threaded cosmos through your hair. They’d been bright and shimmery, smiling at you as he’d focused on positioning the stem of the flower behind your ear. Now, though, they looked far dimmer, as if the elixir was slowly sucking the life out of him.

Not for the first time, you found yourself wanting nothing more than to drag him out of this place with you. 

Ray deserved so much better, and it hurt you deeply that he didn’t believe that. You wanted him to be able to smile like he had that night- like he was free, unbothered by the expectations of someone who wanted only to bring him harm.

“I was thinking about you the entire time that I was gone,” Ray finally spoke, massaging his temples with gloved fingers. His voice was slightly hoarse, and you wondered briefly if he had been shouting again. You kept your curiosity to yourself, though, allowing him to continue. “I was really worried that I had to leave you so suddenly. Especially after- after what happened.”

Ray’s stammer and the slow spread of pink across his cheeks was more than enough to clue you in on what he was talking about. It was like you suddenly woke right back up, a surge of electricity lighting your mind ablaze. Your face grew hot, and your heart skidded to a halt in your chest before jumping up to your throat, making you feel like you would choke if you so much as tried to speak.

You had completely forgotten. Your encounter with Miyeon and Seven had upset you so much that the kiss had been pushed to the back of your mind. The sudden reminder was enough to completely throw you off balance.

_ Oh my god.  _

Ray’s face was quickly becoming redder, indicating that he was just as flustered as you were, and you weren’t sure if that made you feel better or worse.

There were too many emotions in your chest. Too much had happened in succession, leaving you feeling like you had been chewed up and spit back out. Embarrassment was returning to you with a vengeance, making your head feel hot and your hands clammy.

You weren’t sure if you were ready to revisit that kiss. It was too much for you.

“Yeah- I know,” you tried to sound as natural as possible, but your voice felt foreign and a little bit too loud. “But you’re back now. And I’m glad that the Savior’s given me something to do. So I can be helpful.”

You had clearly been trying to avoid speaking about the kiss, and if Ray noticed, he didn’t make it obvious. He was likely just as tired as you, if not more so.

If you really needed to, you could talk about it later. But not now- not with how emotionally drained you felt. You weren’t sure if you could handle it. The extra stress might just snap your mind in half.

Absentmindedly, Ray lifted a hand up to knead the side of his head yet again. 

Was he having another headache?

“You’re only going to have contact with the traitor and the redhead,” his eyebrows furrowed, as if the mention of the two was enough to considerably sour his mood. “They’re the worst out of all of the RFA. They lie. They’re hypocrites. I don’t want you talking to them, but I can’t disobey the Savior.”

Ray looked exhausted. A frown was etched deeply into his face, and you spotted a light sheen over his skin, indicating the likelihood that he was still running a fever. The sight of him so worn-down was hard for you to bear. Your pity for him and previous guilt for remaining ignorant of his drinking of the elixir was beginning to overpower your embarrassment. Your body slowly started to feel heavier as your exhaustion started to return to you in full-force. The darkest parts of your mind were whispering words of malice to you, and you tried to shut them out as best as you could.

You weren’t sure if you could handle anymore breakdowns. 

You wondered if you looked as fatigued as Ray did. Were there bags under your eyes, too? Were you just as slumped at the shoulders, like the world was trying to drag you down?

Some of Ray’s bangs were sticking to his damp forehead, strands of white and rose intermingling, messier than usual. His eyelids had shut, like he was trying to take advantage of what little rest was in reach. He looked small as he sat in his chair, slumped over as if he was close to folding in on himself and disappearing.

Even though you had been wrought with internal conflicts and rapidly-changing emotions, the result of which had left you feeling impossibly drained, you still found yourself feeling forlorn. Looking at Ray like this left you wanting to do something to bring him some sort of relief. Even though you had just experienced a colossal letdown, Ray was still at the front of your mind, unable to be erased. You had always been a selfish person, but with Ray, you were selfless to a dangerous extent, and you weren’t sure why.

Ray had always said that he wanted to fill your head with him. To a certain degree, it seemed that he had gotten what he wanted.

No wonder you had been so quick to act earlier. It seemed that Ray could break through your barriers without even trying, filling you with the impulse to hold him closer and keep him out of the eyes of the Savior.

You wanted to bring him some semblance of comfort, even if it wasn’t much. Those thoughts were filling your head more and more, impossible for you to ignore.

With that in mind, you made your way over to your own chair, pulling it a bit closer to Ray’s and sitting down. You took hold of his free hand, holding it in both of your own as a wordless offer of comfort. Ray’s eyes flickered up to meet yours, and you noticed that they still appeared hazy and unhappy. 

“You look exhausted,” you commented, running your thumbs over his gloved knuckles as you spoke. “Shouldn’t you rest a little bit?”

Ray shook his head, interlacing his fingers with your own. You noticed how automatic hand-holding had become between the two of you. It had been so awkward for you at the beginning, but now you couldn’t help the fleeting thought that his fingers fit well with yours.

“I can’t,” he told you. “There’s too much to do, especially after the traitor and the tester got out. I shouldn’t even be resting like this right now. The Savior would get so mad if she saw me. I already failed to stop the redhead from making it in here.”

Your lower lip disappeared between your teeth for just a second as you considered his words. You doubted that Ray would have allowed himself to rest, but every time he denied himself care in the Savior’s name, you couldn’t help feeling somewhat miffed.

It didn’t help that you had experienced your own share of obstacles, many of which you’d failed to overcome. You were tired and frustrated, both for yourself and for Ray.

It was already so late into the night. Your brain felt like sludge, your mind scrambled after the tumultuous day you’d had to endure. Mint Eye felt extremely different from before. Knowing that Miyeon was gone left you feeling more stranded, more confined into this little room than you’d felt in a long time. 

You’d been here for  _ so long. _

“Please don’t worry,” Ray cupped your cheek with his free hand, the fabric of his gloves gentle against your skin. The feeling of his fingers against the apples of your cheeks coaxed you back out of your thoughts, and you met his gaze. The bags under his eyes were dark and puffy, only adding to the obvious fatigue that had been plaguing him for days. Still, he managed a small smile just for you, and you couldn’t help admitting that seeing the slight upturn of his lips somehow managed to make you feel strangely warm. Your teeth finally released your lip, as if Ray’s smiling had somehow been able to loosen some of the tension in your body. 

Ray’s eyes focused on you, swimming with something that you’d seen before but had never been able to identify. His thumb found its way to your bottom lip, running over it so lightly that you briefly wondered if he’d been trying to touch you at all. It was a strange sensation, something new that you hadn’t expected from him, and your stomach began to buzz with nerves. Suddenly, you became extremely aware of yourself, from the way you were sitting to how slowly you were breathing. 

Ray’s cheeks were a deep pink. The flush extended across the apples of his cheeks, coloring both his nose and the tips of his ears a similar shade. There was a faraway look in his eyes as he regarded you with so much warmth that you could almost feel it from where you were sitting. 

The air between the two of you felt intimate in a way that it never had before. You knew what he must have been thinking about, but you didn’t allow yourself to say anything. You were content with the two of you just finding comfort in each other, breathing the same air again after hours of being apart.

“You…” Ray, who usually rambled so much, seemed to be at a loss for words. He fell silent for a few seconds more, like he was trying to regain his bearings. He didn’t so much as look away from you, like you would disappear if he wasn’t careful enough. “I’m so glad you’re here with me. By my side.”

You couldn’t help the guilt in your stomach. Had you gotten your way earlier, Ray would have come back to an empty workroom, and you would have been far away from Magenta. You had been a door away from escaping, and Ray didn’t even know.

But now, with him in front of you, you were reminded of just why it had never been that easy. You recalled why, when escape was directly in front of you, you had failed to grasp it.

None of this was easy.

Your voice was stuck in your throat, unwilling to make itself known. You felt a strange flickering in your chest, despite the lingering negativity that you’d been nursing since the evening. You hated to admit how comfortable you felt with Ray; how normal it’d become for him to cup your cheek or hold your hand. You cherished the warmth in a way you’d never expected, and you were suddenly able to remember why you’d acted as rashly as you had earlier in the day. It was like the fog of confusion that had been filling your mind for hours on end cleared up in seconds the second you were with Ray again.

This was completely new to you. Such a conglomeration of unusual, unfamiliar feelings was intensely overwhelming. You felt jittery and nervous, unsure of yourself in a way that extended beyond just wanting to remain unseen in the middle of a cult. Everything had been complicated to a point that you couldn’t have untangled it again, no matter how hard you tried. Every time you tried to pry the threads of your feelings apart, your hands only became sticker, making a bigger mess and confusing you further.

Why did things have to be this complicated? Why couldn’t it have just been simple?

“I can work when I remember that I’m keeping you safe. That’s all I need,” Ray sounded more resolute when he spoke again, his mint eyes still searching your own. “When I remember what you did earlier, I know that I can work for you. So don’t worry about me too much, okay?”

You still couldn’t say anything. You continued to grip Ray’s hand between your own, holding onto it like he was keeping you grounded.

This was a lot. It was intimate and personal in a way you’d sworn you never wanted to become with anyone, especially not Ray. He was your captor, after all. He’d hacked into your phone and tricked you into following him into a strange car. In those few days between meeting Ray and following him to Mint Eye, you’d set the stage for everything that had happened to you at Magenta.

It was supposed to be a facade. None of this was supposed to be real. You were supposed to empathize and play into Ray’s emotions, not allow yourself to genuinely fall into him the way that you had.

But it was too late. Somewhere, you’d gone wrong, and there was no turning back anymore.

Ray’s small smile, flushed cheeks, and dark circles were a reminder to you. You remembered why you had been able to persist for so long when his gloved thumb ran over the apple of your cheek tenderly, and a small flower of hope began to bloom within you once more.

You hadn’t lost just yet. Though you’d failed at escape twice, you had also been able to scheme under the Savior’s nose for weeks on end. You’d overcome everything that had been thrown at you this far, and though you were beyond exhausted, you knew that you would have to persevere. You were upset, but you knew that you would have been conflicted even if you had escaped today. You didn’t want to imagine how Ray would have reacted if you’d betrayed him in such a way.

Your loneliness without V and Miyeon would be a challenge to overcome, but when you reminded yourself that it was better for them to be safe, it alleviated some of the sting. You had been alone at Magenta from the very beginning, so you could handle being alone again. This way, you could act without having to worry quite as much about the consequences of your actions on other people.

It wasn’t much of a comfort, but it was enough to make you feel like you might have still had a chance at making it through this.

Besides, this way you had a little bit more time to figure out how to get Ray out of Mint Eye.

You could still hope for his happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect this chapter to turn out so long?? I think this is the first one that has exceeded 10,000 words. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. When I had finished the first draft for this, it was only around 7,000 words, but I added a lot more when revising it because I was really unhappy with the way it had turned out. I hope this is okay!
> 
> A lot happened here. Things are starting to get more complicated, and the reader is beginning to play a larger role in everything going on around them. There's a lot around the corner and an entirely different character that we still have to worry about. I can say for sure that none of this is going to get easier for the reader, haha. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left Kudos/comments on the last chapter. A lot of you seemed really shocked by the last chapter, and I'd like to say that, for those of you who said that you weren't sure if it was a good thing or not-- you're definitely thinking the way that you should be. Nothing in this story should be taken at face value, and there's no way that anything happening isn't going to lead to a complication of some sort. I was actually really nervous about posting that chapter, so I'm glad that it went over well. I appreciate everything that you guys had to say! If anyone has any thoughts at all, please feel free to leave a comment. I love hearing from readers! You guys seriously make my day with every comment.
> 
> I hope everyone had a wonderful week and is staying healthy! I'm still adapting to school at the moment, but I think I'm starting to get used to it. My favourite class is moving to campus and I can't go because I'm immunocompromised, though, so that kind of sucks, but you win some you lose some I guess. 
> 
> Take care, everyone! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	20. Up In Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you have a difficult conversation that backs you into a corner, and make contact with the outside world for the first time in far too long.

It didn’t take long for problems to arise. 

You hadn’t immediately gone to bed, despite your exhaustion. The events of the day had worn you down considerably, but you had the distinct feeling that, had you tried to sleep, you would have been unsuccessful. There was too much to think about. You had been left behind at Magenta, your comrades taking off to safety without you, and you felt strangely hollow in a way that was eating at your brain. You hardly had the time to make sense of any of that, though, because you were too busy stressing about your eventual connection to the RFA. You were to be used as bait to lure Miyeon back, and though you knew that she was smart, you couldn’t help worrying. 

All of that left you sure that sleep would evade you. So you remained in your desk chair, fiddling with the hem of your sleeves as your thoughts wandered.

Ray had initially insisted that you go to bed. It was already the very early hours of the morning and he expressed his concern over your health, but you were easily able to talk him into letting up.

“I don’t want to be alone just yet,” you had told him.

That line had earned you a blush and some respite from his nagging. You hadn’t even been lying; you truly didn’t want to be by yourself just yet. Sitting with the knowledge that you had been abandoned at Magenta by Miyeon, Seven, and V had you feeling more than a little down, and you found comfort in Ray’s presence. Even though he was the one keeping you trapped in this room, he was also the only person left that you felt even remotely connected to. Though your initial distraught had mellowed into something less extreme, you still felt empty and longed for any sense of respite.

Ray was giving you that, even if he didn’t know it.

That was another change that you hadn’t ever expected to take place, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care too much. The disappointment toward your situation was heavy in your stomach, and it weighed you down enough to render you feeling subdued and sad. Ray was able to alleviate some of your distress, his company taking the edge off of the negative feelings flooding your head.

You wanted to stay positive. You knew that getting lost in this depression would render you completely useless and only worsen the situation, so you made an active effort to try to see anything good about being left here.

The biggest plus that you could see was that you had a little bit more time to dedicate to Ray. You knew that betraying him would have haunted you, and you truly did want to help him to leave this place if you could. You still weren’t sure if you could accomplish such a lofty goal, but Ray had shown some signs of awareness toward the reality of his situation, even if only subtly. Without Miyeon to worry about, you were free to act without having to consider any possible consequences she would have to suffer for your mistakes. Your solitude awarded you a little bit more freedom, even if it wasn’t much.

Ultimately, though, the dangers of remaining at Magenta far outweighed the positives you had found. You were putting yourself in extreme danger, especially as the situation became more unstable.

From drugged Believers to a “Savior” who was more than happy to bend and break you on a whim, there were multiple concerns that remained prevalent in your mind. You were nothing more than a tool to the Savior, and she was already utilizing you, exploiting your friendship with Miyeon to bring her back. Your thoughts also wandered back to the stranger who’d messaged you through Ray’s phone. He had hinted that he knew about your true intentions, despite your attempts to appear as unassuming as possible. He had threatened your safety directly, expressing interest in meeting you just to terrorize you. As if all of this wasn’t enough, the elixir was always a constant worry in the back of your head. You knew that if you were exposed to repeated drugging, the already minuscule chance of escaping would be reduced to dust.

This place was dangerous, in more ways than one. You had already changed dramatically since your arrival. The weeks that you had spent sneaking around, lying to everybody, and suppressing your thoughts and emotions had diluted you, leaving you feeling like a shell of your former self. It might have been for the sake of survival, and you might have already been damaged before meeting Ray, but the thought that Mint Eye had stripped you of so much left you feeling extremely victimized. Even now, you were still anxious and paranoid, knowing that if you didn’t calculate your every move, things would only get worse.

All you could do was to continue navigating your situation as well as possible. You could try to secure your own escape route, but even that was a shot in the dark at best. Ray’s reluctance to let you out of the workroom had increased tenfold, and you had no reason to convince him to allow you to leave. Miyeon had briefly given you an excuse, and it was only because of your conversations with her that you knew as much as you did. If it weren’t for her or V, you would likely still be as clueless as you were at the very beginning.

Miyeon had promised you that they would come back for you, and you wanted to be able to lean on that promise and find some respite in it. But a part of you was still deeply afraid that the RFA would eventually decide that you weren’t worth the time or the danger they would be putting themselves in to rescue you.

They hardly knew you. They had no reason to endanger themselves so much. 

The thought of the RFA had you circling back to the messenger you were soon expected to join. You supposed that you might gain some insight after chatting with them, even if it would be awkward and convoluted. Your words were going to be monitored and analyzed to ensure that you acted according to a given script, but it was better than nothing. Even if you were worried about being used as bait, you could still rest somewhat assured that the Savior’s plan would fail.

Miyeon knew you. There was no way she would fall for this trap- you had made sure that she knew how manipulative the Savior was. Miyeon had to know that you would never encourage her to return, especially after spending hours planning an escape with her. Getting her out of Magenta safely had been your goal since the two of you had met. Miyeon knew that.

Still, the situation had changed quite drastically. You had started out as a nameless, relatively unknown quasi-assistant who hardly did any work besides half-assed coding practice. Now, you were someone with a name, a victim who had been dragged here, who was now being given an incredibly important role that you couldn’t refuse despite not wanting to do it.

If you had been told two months ago that you would be a hostage to a religious cult with a crush on your captor, you would have rejected the idea with a disbelieving laugh. Even now, it sounded absolutely ridiculous despite the undeniable reality of your predicament. These situations didn’t happen in real life, and they most certainly didn’t happen to ordinary people like you. 

You were nothing special in the sea of society. You weren’t rich, powerful, or even noticed. There was nothing that set you apart from anyone around you, and you preferred things that way. You had tried to blend into the background, but Ray had found you anyways. He had decided that he wanted you to be a part of his scheme, and when you refused, he whisked you away anyways.

And now, here you were, trapped inside four dark grey walls, your body tired and aching as it begged you to give it the rest it so desperately needed. And you had been about to consider the idea of retiring for the time being when another situation arose that needed attending to.

And this was one that you couldn’t ignore. 

You knew from the second that Ray’s posture stiffened that he had found something he didn’t like. Not thinking much of it initially, you glanced over to see him frowning at the screen, mint eyes glimmering as they focused on whatever he was looking at. You leaned over a little bit, trying to remain as stealthy as possible so you could sneak a peek at his screen, and you could have vomited when you saw what he was looking at.

Security feed. Grainy, but not so much that the three figures depicted weren’t easily recognizable. 

The hallway Ray was looking at was painfully familiar. It was the area just outside his very workroom. At the door stood a very familiar girl, accompanied by a taller man with scruffy hair and glasses, who was holding up another robed man with bright hair, seemingly seconds away from falling over.

Miyeon, V, and Seven. 

The bile in your throat burned, bringing with it a foul taste that exacerbated your growing nausea. 

Ray wasted no time in turning towards you, face twisted into a frown. He locked eyes with you, pinning you in place with an accusatory gaze. “They came here?” He demanded, voice harsh and angry. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Your heart instantly began thumping with such intensity that vertigo descended into your head. Your mouth went dry at record speed, and you struggled to find a way to answer Ray’s question that wouldn’t paint you in a more suspicious light. 

You had made a huge mistake. 

You had forgotten about the security cameras. You had forgotten that Ray would be able to see the trio congregating outside of the workroom without breaking a sweat. You hadn’t had the chance to prepare an explanation and you were beginning to feel vulnerable and exposed, put on the spot in the worst way imaginable. 

This was bad, and you knew it. 

“I-” You stammered instantly, and almost released a slew of panicked curses. “I’m sorry. I forgot- after the Savior came in and told me I was to contact the RFA-”

Ray turned his seat to face you fully, and the intensity burning in his eyes was enough to throw you off even further. “They wanted you to escape, didn’t they? They were trying to fill your head with lies!”

Ray’s voice was rising in volume, and your anxiety was following suit. Your hands began to turn clammy as they fidgeted with the fabric of your sleeves with renewed vigor, twisting and turning it as if mutilating the cotton would give you the answers you sought. Your mind was failing you, unable to provide you with the words that you needed to form any adequate answers. You sat still, silent, unspeaking as your apprehension only continued to increase. You wished the floor would swallow you and give you respite, but you only felt colder as Ray’s gaze betrayed his upset at your lack of response. 

“I knew they would,” Ray curled his hands into tight fists, his eyes still stuck on yours like he was trying to force his way into your head and read your thoughts. “They always do. They always try to steal from me, so of course they’d try to take you, too.”

You had to interject. You had to say something, anything to steer this conversation away from the dangerous route it was on. Your mouth flew open, finally releasing the first words that came to mind without regard to what you were truly saying. 

“But they didn’t,” you leaned in a little bit closer but forced your hands to remain tightly gripping your sleeves, afraid that touching Ray would only aggravate him further. “I’m still here, right? I didn’t leave. I’m so sorry that I forgot. I really didn’t mean to, I promise. It’s my fault, but please don’t be angry.”

It was slowly becoming too much again. Your voice was exposing your desperation, displaying it on a silver platter, but you didn’t care. 

You couldn’t keep taking these crises. They kept coming, one after the other, not allowing you a moment’s respite before assaulting your mind yet again. You felt like your psyche was beginning to snap and you would inevitably fall apart.

_ Bad.  _ This was bad, and you were panicking, breathing shallow, and posture rigid like you were expecting the worst.

Ray hissed suddenly, his hands flying up to bury themselves in his hair. Black, gloved fingers disappeared among a sea of white and pink-dusted strands, gripping his head with such force that his shoulders trembled. A strangled noise escaped Ray’s throat, like he was in pain, and the sight of him crumpling in front of you was only adding more weight to your already fragile hold on rationality. 

“Ah-!” Ray grunted, leaning over in his hair like he was trying to curl into himself. “My head-!”

The urge to give into your own panic was so strong that it invaded your every thought, settling into your skin like thousands of bugs skittering around on spindly legs. Your mind was whirling and the walls were closing in around you, but you  _ had _ to keep it together.

“Ray-” you held your hands up but didn’t dare touch him. Despite wanting to comfort him, your quickly beating heart and overwhelming anxiety was warning you not to touch him so easily lest he lash out in a fit of emotion. You could hardly breathe in the moment, mind scrambling to find a way to quickly patch up the holes growing larger in front of your eyes. You felt dizzy and lightheaded, rooted to your chair and unable to form any sort of coherent sentence. Ray was trembling in front of you, gripping his head so tightly that you were surprised his fingers hadn’t snapped off.

Ray had been getting headaches more often, but never this bad before. You had no idea what to do, and your already fragile mentality wasn’t handling the stress very well.

“Ray, please,” you tried to keep yourself grounded, but your panic was far too consuming for you to utilize your usual finesse, “I’m sorry. I would never leave, I-”

“I don’t want you to see this,” Ray interrupted you with rushed words, sounding only more strained by the second. His voice was quivering and anxious.

What were you supposed to do? How would you fix this when you hardly knew what was wrong in the first place?

“No, it’s fine,” you insisted, your hands still awkwardly suspended mid-air. “Please don’t worry-”

“I don’t want you to see him!” Ray’s grip tightened, strands of his hair curling around his fingers tightly, digging into the black fabric of his gloves. He managed to lift his head up just enough to meet your eyes, his own glittering with a thin sheen of tears. Ray’s voice sounded desperate and shaky. “I don’t want him to be cruel to you-  _ Ah! _ ”

You stopped for a moment, remaining silent as Ray curled back over, assaulted by another wave of pain.

The gears in your mind were spinning as you tried to catch up to his words. The reference to ‘him’ had you momentarily confused, trying to put two and two together to figure out who exactly Ray was so afraid of. 

The obvious candidates, V and Seven were no longer at Magenta. V seemed out of commission on the security feed, likely from the elixir that he had been forced to ingest, and likely wouldn’t be in any condition to speak to you on the messenger. You couldn’t imagine that Seven would be cruel to you, but Ray’s skewed perspective of the situation likely meant that he wouldn’t share your opinion.

“You- Do you mean Seven?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing in slight confusion.

Ray shook his head with such a violent conviction that you instantly feared that your mention of the RFA’s hacker had only upset him more. Your heart skipped a beat in alarm but you didn’t have the chance to apologize. Ray’s hands moved from his head and he launched himself forward, crashing into your chest so suddenly that you had to press your feet into the ground to keep your chair from rolling back. Ray’s hands gripped your sleeves, holding onto them tightly like you were anchoring him to reality. Your arms circled around him on their own, and although you were still reeling slightly from the attack you’d just endured, you tried to remain as outwardly calm as you could.

Your hands remained resting atop Ray’s back, your touch feather-light. You tried to focus on the feeling of his blazer underneath your fingertips, the familiar material somewhat comforting to you amidst the whirlwind in your mind. The confusion swimming in your head left you struggling to control your breathing, especially after such a sudden invasion of your personal space. You were sure that Ray could hear your rapid heartbeat as his head tucked beneath your chin like he was trying to disappear into you. Some of his hair was brushing against your neck, soft and familiar in a way that felt intimate. You could feel how tense he was, muscles stiff and rigid, his grip on your arms so tight that it almost hurt. He was trembling, shivering in your hold, and you struggled to understand his obvious display of fear.

Ray seemed desperate for stability, and you, having little idea of what was going on, were unsure how to provide it to him.

What was he so afraid of?

Or, rather,  _ who _ ?

“If not Seven, then who?” you tried to keep your voice steady. Despite your fear of aggravating Ray’s condition, your need for answers was overriding your instinct to drop the subject.

Ray only seemed to grow stiffer against you, fingertips digging into the flesh of your arms. You stared at the wall ahead of you absently, your mind so preoccupied with your own fear that you found it difficult to focus on anything but the desperation for answers that you weren’t sure you were going to get. Ray was clearly still hesitant, completely silent, unwilling to answer your question.

The silence in the room persisted. Ray held onto you tightly, and you wondered what was going on in his head that had rendered him this lost for words. You wanted to give him time to answer your questions, but your own fear had been steadily rising since you saw the security feed on his monitor.

You already had too much to worry about. You had been consistently overwhelmed and paranoid for weeks, but if there was another threat to you, you needed to know.

Finally, Ray spoke again.

“I don’t want him to be cruel to you,” his voice was muffled against your shirt, but you could still make out the words. “I don’t want him to meet you.”

Your heart sped up again in response to Ray’s words, galloping in your chest and pounding against your ribcage. You felt like your blood turned to stone when, out of nowhere, your brain seemed to come to a conclusion all on its own.

You had poured over the words, those messages, more times than you could count. Whenever Ray was gone or you had a spare moment, you’d found yourself opening up your phone and scrolling through the messages that you’d shared with the mysterious man from before.

You remembered his words far too well, and they were coming to the forefront of your mind again, triggered by something that you couldn’t discern.

_ I can’t wait to meet you. _

_ I’ll make sure you know who’s better. _

You felt like you were suddenly surrounded by ice. The air was frigid around you, encasing you in a cold terror. You held onto Ray a little bit tighter, your own fear beginning to climb once again.

  
Ray had always boasted that he was capable of protecting you. He had locked you in this room, intending to keep you safe by placing a locked metal door between you and the rest of Magenta. Now, though, Ray was behaving like this anonymous person was a foe that even he couldn’t defeat. Like he wouldn’t be able to stop this person from forcing his way into this small room, where you would be cornered and unable to escape.

Though that thought confused you, the terror that it bestowed upon you was far greater, crashing over you like a tsunami. Thoughts began to fill your head; questions that you couldn’t answer on your own plaguing your mind. Who was this person, and why was Ray, of all people, afraid of them? Why were four windowless walls and a metal door not enough to keep this person away from you? 

If Ray was scared, you had reason to be petrified. And you were.

“Who is he?” Your voice was significantly quieter, fighting its way past the lump in your throat

Silence, again. It was torturous, only intensifying the feeling of helplessness pervading your mind. You couldn’t defend yourself against this person if you didn’t know anything, and if Ray wouldn’t talk to you, you were as vulnerable as could be.

“Ray, please,” you tried again, tightening your hold on him even more. “Please talk to me. Don’t keep this a secret from me.”

You were afraid. Just like Ray- just like that man wanted you to be. 

Ray pulled away just enough to raise his head. Mint eyes, red-rimmed and glistening with a sheen of tears, looked up at you. His bangs were mussed, the hair sticking out at odd angles. Ray’s grip on your arms had slackened, and he eventually let go of you all together before moving his hands up to your cheeks, which he cupped with a tenderness. It was a stark contrast from how tightly he had been holding onto you just seconds before. Ray’s hands were warm, comforting in their tenderness, but it wasn’t enough to curb your unease.

“I’ll keep you safe,” his words felt like a repeat, the same thing that you had heard when you first asked him about this person. An underlying message persisted, just as before, and you heard it loud and clear. Ray wasn’t going to answer your question. This was one secret he wouldn’t entrust you with, no matter how pertinent it was to your safety. Despite your desperation, he would not give in, choosing instead to erect a wall that you couldn’t scale.

That was enough to allow a blanket of hopelessness to descend upon your shoulders.

“Please,” you had to try again. Your voice was thick, chest heavy with incoming disappointment.

Ray’s eyes flickered away from your own. You could see the gears turning in his head, the thoughts swimming through his mind visible but indecipherable. You desperately wanted him to speak to you, and usually, your words or actions would be enough to convince Ray to trust you. Whenever this anonymous person was involved, though, it seemed that nothing you did or said was enough to break through the walls that Ray had constructed to protect this person. 

Though Ray was still promising to protect you, it was more than obvious that he was afraid of this person. You weren’t sure if the promises were meant to comfort you or him; they were said with such uncertainty that they didn’t make you feel better in the slightest.

As usual, though, it seemed that you would be left desperate for information that you would not get. The look in Ray’s eyes was enough to solidify that thought, and you felt yourself beginning to deflate, filling with despondency. Tonight, you would have to live in fear of an unidentified stranger once again.

As if sensing your disappointment, Ray’s hands fell from your cheeks, traveling downwards to grip your own. The fabric of his leather gloves was familiar against your skin, warm as it enveloped your palms and interlaced your fingers. Ray seemed to be thinking deeply about something, his eyebrows furrowed, but he remained silent. A few seconds passed and Ray met your gaze again, opening his mouth to finally speak.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked, his question filled with apprehension.

You gave in to his attempt at changing the subject and responded with a nod. Though you wanted to keep pushing, you were so exhausted, so tired of being let down time and time again that you couldn’t find it within you to start a fight when you had so narrowly avoided one only minutes ago.

Ray didn’t immediately say anything, the frown on his face deepening slightly. He averted his gaze, eyes wandering about the room for a few seconds before they found their way back to you. He looked incredibly conflicted, and you found yourself feeling slightly curious.

“What’s wrong?” You coaxed, holding eye contact with him.

Ray’s hands tightened their grip on your own as if he was trying to ground himself through you. He took a few more seconds to think, like he had to choose his words carefully, and when he finally did speak again his voice was considerably quieter. “It’s about the Savior.”

If you weren’t interested before, you definitely were now. 

Your heart sped up a little bit, but you tried to stop yourself from jumping to conclusions too hastily. It was hard for you to not get nervous when the Savior was brought up, though, so you waited for Ray to continue.

“I’m... a little scared,” he admitted, leaning in a little closer as if to tell you a secret. “She really likes the tester. It’s not my place to think this much. I would get in so much trouble if Savior knew that I was saying such useless things, but- I’m afraid she might be thinking of leaving Mint Eye.”

Your eyebrows shot up. You couldn’t have hidden your surprise if you tried. It flittered across your face, showing itself in the slight parting of your lips and the widening of your eyes.

_ What? _

  
This time, you didn’t bother trying to stop yourself from jumping to conclusions.

You knew that the Savior liked Miyeon to some extent, sure, but enough to leave the cult that she had molded with her own hands? You hadn’t been a part of Mint Eye for very long, but the interactions that you had with the Savior had depicted her as someone incredibly invested in her cult. She had, after all, created it herself, a physical manifestation of the anger and vengeance she had been cultivating in her heart.

It didn’t sound right to you.

Still, though, you pressed a little further, gliding your thumbs across Ray’s knuckles in a way that you hoped would be both comforting and encouraging.

“What makes you say that?” You asked.

Ray was quiet for a little bit, his shoulders slightly tense as his eyes glanced over toward the door, like he was afraid that somebody would be listening in. His gaze returned to you before he finally continued again.

“The Savior’s focus has shifted,” he told you, voice hardly more than a whisper. “She used to be dedicated completely to her revenge, but ever since the tester came, Savior’s been thinking and speaking only of her. I’m a little worried that, since both V and the tester are gone, the Savior might follow them.”

You were momentarily speechless. You hadn’t considered such an outcome before. It seemed outlandish to you that the Savior, always so composed and meticulously dedicated to everything pertaining Mint Eye, would be swayed to leave the very place she had constructed so easily. She had molded Magenta to be exactly as she wanted, filled with Believers that seemed more alive than dead, ready to give up their entire lives and futures just to live in the world that the Savior had created.

The Savior had been cold to you, threatening and strict about your role in Mint Eye, like some part of her had a suspicion that you may try to bring down the cult from within. From the very moment that you met the Savior, she spoke only of the paradise that she had created, and that impression of her stuck with you.

Your first reaction was to reject Ray’s fears. There was no way that the Savior would leave Mint Eye, you thought.

But when you remembered how she looked when you’d seen her only an hour ago, eyes red-rimmed, hair slightly mussed, and a wildly unstable edge to her usually composed demeanor, you hesitated. Clearly, Miyeon and V leaving had affected the Savior enough to crack part of her facade. Though you didn’t know any specifics about the Savior’s relationship with V, you did know that the teal-haired man had been a huge motivation in the creation of Mint Eye. If he held that much influence in the Savior’s life, then he was likely one of the only people that could convince her to actually leave again.

That realization was enough to cause you to mirror some of Ray’s anxiety.

Would the Savior really leave? And, if she did, what would happen to this place? She was the center of Mint Eye, the driving force that kept everything running as it should. Without the Savior, this place would fall to shambles. While that sounded good in theory, you couldn’t help worrying about the aftermath of such a chaotic destruction.

You were unsure. You wanted to be able to speculate, to have some sort of a plan in place just in case, but you didn’t know enough to be able to do so. You didn’t know anything about Mint Eye’s structure, nor its internal workings or who might have been involved from the outside. You knew little about the Savior besides the fact that she was Rika, the founder of the RFA, and that she had once been involved with V.

There was no doubt in your mind that you didn’t know enough to be able to draw any reliable conclusions. You were unable to comfort Ray as you, yourself, were just as taken aback by the idea of the Savior leaving. 

“Would she really do that?” You asked, wide eyes looking into pools of mint swimming with anxiety.

Ray sighed. He looked as fatigued as he did conflicted, eyes bloodshot and puffy with exhaustion. “I don’t know,” he admitted, pausing for a few seconds to think before continuing. “But she’s never been like this before. I don’t want to doubt her. She promised that she would never leave me, but if the Savior abandons me, too...:”

It was like saying that aloud flipped some sort of switch. Ray’s eyes became steelier, flickering up to meet your own with a frown, pinning you in place. His grip on your hands tightened again, becoming vice-like and desperate in his attempts to keep you rooted in place. The sudden change in his demeanor threw you off, unsettling you for reasons you couldn’t quite explain. You could have sworn that you could see something darker in the shadows of mint, throwing you off-balance for just a few seconds as he leaned in a little closer.

“That’s why you can’t listen to any of them,” Ray’s voice became harsh and demanding, taking you by surprise. He suddenly appeared more domineering than you were used to seeing from him, like the mention of you disappearing had broken some dam inside of him. A sudden shiver raced up your spine and, despite yourself, you pressed your back further into your chair as if trying to put some distance between the two of you. 

“You can’t allow their words to sway you,” Ray insisted, still staring at you with the same intensity. “You can’t leave me. Not you- I won’t let you.”

The room felt much colder. A strange shadow settled into the corners, peering at you from all angles. 

What was this? 

Ray had said strange things to you before. From the very beginning, he had been possessive and jealous to a fault, constantly anxious and overwhelmed with the fear that you would somehow leave him behind. You had grown somewhat used to Ray’s ramblings and had become adept at talking him down whenever his worries started to get the best of him. 

This, though, was different. Ray’s eyes seemed darker, angry, and you couldn’t tell if it was directed at you. His words seemed much less desperate, bordering instead on outright controlling. You felt small, cornered in your small chair. 

It was uncanny. Not for the first time, you found yourself overcome with the feeling that you were speaking with someone different from the Ray that you knew. You wondered if he was able to read the thoughts that were flying through your head at light speed, encouraging your heart to beat a little bit faster from inside your ribcage. 

“I- I promise,” your response came out shakier than you wanted, the words in your head bouncing around so intensely that speaking was quickly becoming a challenge. “I won’t.”

“You  _ can’t _ ,” Ray emphasized the word like he was correcting you and he continued to trap your hands within his own, the bones of your fingers starting to feel crushed under the pressure of his grip. “I won’t let you out of this room. If I have to keep you locked in here forever, I will. I don’t care how I have to do it. You just need to stay in here, where only I can see you and where you can only see me. That’s how it should be.”

You were absolutely dumbfounded.

_ What is this? _ Where was this coming from?

And how were you supposed to make it stop?

“Ray-” you started to speak, but lost your confidence almost instantly. You had no idea what to say, no idea how to articulate the whirlwind of confusion wrecking your head and scrambling your thoughts.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t Ray.

He had always been possessive, but never like this. He was never this intense, this domineering, this  _ frightening. _

“The Savior wants the rest of the RFA brought here,” Ray continued, ignoring your attempt at speaking. “She wants them cleansed and properly inducted into Mint Eye, where they’ll no longer have to suffer.”

A brief pause.

“I’m not sure I want that. I’m not sure if I think they deserve it. But if I can bring that redhead and the traitor here quickly enough and save the RFA, then the Savior won’t have to consider leaving. Then, it’ll just be you and me in this place, and nobody will threaten us again.”

Ray’s hold on your hands almost hurt. He seemed to be absorbed in his own thoughts, letting them fall out of his mouth as poorly concealed expressions of jealousy and anger.

Your voice was caught in your throat. You didn’t know how to respond. There was nothing that you could say to placate Ray once was this far gone. His eyes were glimmering, eyebrows drawn into a scowl that twisted the soft features of his face. 

You felt you were looking at a stranger, and that thought scared you more than you expected. 

* * *

By the time you were expected to enter the chatroom, your anxiety had reached a new peak. Your mouth was dry, stomach buzzing with nerves, and your palms slightly sweaty. Ray’s phone felt unfamiliar in your hands and the words on the screen blurred together as your thoughts wandered away from you. 

You hadn’t expected this. You didn’t think that Ray would willingly allow you to make contact with any of the RFA, even under the Savior’s orders. You could still remember how intensely he’d reacted when you had mentioned the ‘game’ during your first day on the job. Ray had been reduced to tears at the mere thought of you interacting with the RFA. Now, though, he was sitting in his usual seat, less than an arm’s length away from you. Although it was obvious Ray wasn’t happy about the arrangement, he had still remained quiet, sulking to himself instead of expressing his frustration. He had the chatroom pulled up on his desktop monitor, eyes flickering over to you every few seconds like he was assessing your condition. Very little had been said between the two of you since your last interaction, as you had felt much too nervous to speak up. The sight of Ray so deeply angry had unsettled you deeply, and you didn’t want to risk seeing that again. You had been sitting silently, staring down at the phone in your hands but too nervous to force yourself to enter the chatroom. A few minutes had already passed, and your anxiety persisted.

You didn’t know what you were going to say. Your every word would be monitored and analyzed by both Ray and the Savior, so there was absolutely no room for error. You couldn’t risk leaving any hints or concealed messages lest they be deciphered by the wrong party. You knew to a certain degree what was expected of you: to interact with Miyeon in a way that would convince her to return. Not only were your instructions frustratingly vague, but even if you had known exactly what to say to accomplish that goal, you still didn’t want to. Even with the knowledge that Miyeon was too smart to willingly come back to Mint Eye, the idea of even pretending to be on the Savior’s side was enough to make you feel queasy. You were reasonably sure that Miyeon knew where your loyalties were, but there was a small part of you that remained scared that the RFA would believe your act enough to forsake you at Magenta. 

You didn’t want that. As much as you’d craved to make contact with the outside world somehow, this wasn’t the way that you wanted to do it. This was a gamble- a risk you were afraid to take. But you’d never had a choice, and you certainly weren’t going to get one now. 

So, with your heart in your throat and your stomach flipped upside down, you tapped the chat icon and the screen went black for a second, a loading wheel appearing in the middle, spinning for just a second too long. 

Then, you entered the chatroom. The background was black, with bright red coding running off of the screen. A few chat boxes appeared atop the backdrop after your joining, messages flying in one after the other, and you were left confused about the conversation that had taken place directly before your entrance.

  
  


Ray has entered the chatroom.

**Rika:**

Or should I call you 707?

**707:**

…

**Miyeon:**

Huh? Ray?

**Rika:**

Ah… it seems our guest has arrived. 

**707:**

??

**707:**

Aren’t you the hacker I’ve been 

battling?

**707:**

The same one who blocked my

admin access?

**707:**

I have a lot of questions for you

**707:**

Though, it seems now might not

be the time. 

  
  


The idea of saying anything only strengthened your urge to vomit. Not a single part of you wanted to take part in this conversation. You already felt overwhelmed, anxious about having to lie through your teeth to the one person who had been consistently kind to you. The Savior-  _ Rika- _ was using you as bait, and you wanted nothing to do with it. It was wrong. You felt dirty.

But, you knew that there was no way out. You would have to try to trust Miyeon and the friendship you’d formed with her. 

If anyone could understand, it would be her. 

So, your thumbs danced across the screen, typing out an unsure reply that you sent with meek hesitation. 

  
  


**Ray:**

No, I’m not Ray. 

**Ray:**

I’m just using his phone.

**Rika:**

I’m glad you’ve finally joined...

**Rika:**

I never thought him having an 

assistant would prove this

useful. 

**Miyeon:**

…

**Miyeon:**

Rika, this isn’t right. You can’t

use a person like this. 

**Miyeon:**

Please, stop hurting us…

**Rika:**

Miyeon… hurting is a subjective

term. 

**Rika:**

I thought I was nice and honest to

you. 

**707:**

Rika… what more do you have to

say to Miyeon?

**707:**

You’re trying to abuse her friendship

to make her come back, aren’t you?

**707:**

You’ve dragged two innocent people

into this. You’re taking this way too

far! This is more than enough!

  
  


You didn’t know what to say. As the messages continued coming in, one after the other, you remained silent, reading them without giving a single response. Ray’s phone was sitting awkwardly in your hands, strangely heavy. The conversation took a turn, leading to the Savior admitting that she knew it was Seven who had facilitated V and Miyeon’s escape. As you read the Savior’s descriptions of a breakdown that she had suffered earlier, you found a few gaps filling themselves up.

You remembered her red-rimmed eyes and frazzled appearance. The Savior looked and sounded like she had been crying when you had seen her earlier, her voice thick and slightly hoarse. You remembered your confusion at her appearance. It seemed too chaotic for the Savior, and you had never expected such a display of instability from her.

You didn’t know what had happened, but it must have been bad for her to react the way that she had. In the chatroom, Miyeon continued to respond with kindness, urging the Savior to seek help. You envied her selflessness. Miyeon had suffered greatly at the hands of Mint Eye but was still choosing to focus on the Savior’s humanity. As empathetic as you had been, you weren’t sure if you could ever extend your understanding toward the Savior. After all that she had done to you, you felt nothing but a bitter resentment towards her.

It felt wrong to even imagine showing her kindness. 

  
  


**707:**

Rika….

**707:**

So you’ve really changed. 

**Rika:**

No, this is who I really am. 

**707** :

Miyeon, we’d better save our 

words in this chat room. 

**707:**

All of us should. 

**Rika:**

Luciel… I know you’re flustered

and confused. And that you’re

having a hard time trusting V. 

**Rika:**

And that you feel betrayed by him. 

**Rika:**

Believe me, I understand. 

  
  


As another round of arguing ensued, with Miyeon defending V’s honor and Rika trying to deny her points. You found yourself wondering again what role you were supposed to be playing. The conversation was taking a different route than you had expected it to.

The Savior, who had always seemed so put-together, now appeared nothing but frazzled. She had demanded you join to exploit your friendship and use you to convince Miyeon to return, but it now seemed that she had forgotten you were there. You were silently observing a conversation in which the Savior was revealing personal details which you were sure you had never been supposed to know. Her attempts at manipulation were haphazard and clumsy, easily detectable, and both Seven and Miyeon were catching onto it. 

Now, you were able to see why Ray was worried about the Savior acting rashly. She seemed anything but the calm, collected cult-leader she’d portrayed herself as thus far. 

  
  


**Rika:**

I’m here because I want you to

listen to both of us before you

decide who’s wrong. 

**Rika:**

Then, everything will be fair. 

**Rika:**

I’ve already told Miyeon enough

while we stayed together for a 

few days…

**Rika:**

And I’m sure Ray’s told his 

assistant quite a lot so far, too…

**Rika:**

Am I right?

  
  


Your stomach lurched at being addressed so suddenly. You didn’t like being put on the spot, especially not in a situation like the one you were in.

Maybe you had been a bit too hopeful in assuming that the Savior had forgotten about your presence. 

You glanced up at Ray just in time to meet his gaze, which had been resting on you yet again. His mint eyes were swimming with something you couldn’t quite read: a warning, perhaps? A plea for you not to reveal more than necessary? You weren’t quite sure, and he didn’t seem to want to elaborate. 

But, you knew that Ray had told you things that were meant to be a secret. He had repeatedly expressed that he wasn’t supposed to even think about his past, much less speak about it with you. The Savior had labeled you as a liability from day one. Even though you felt slightly disconnected from Ray at the moment, especially after his earlier breakdown, you refused to say anything that would put him in danger.

So, when you finally looked back at the phone, you typed out as vague of a reply as you could muster. 

  
  


**Ray:**

He’s told me some things.

**Ray:**

But not enough for me to

really understand what’s going

on right now. 

**Rika:**

I see…

**Rika:**

Regardless, you play an 

important role in all of this, too. 

**Rika:**

Even if you don’t quite know

the details. 

  
  


You shuddered. Something about that comment felt unsettling to you, like the Savior was hinting at something that you didn’t know about just yet. You were grateful when Seven took it upon himself to change the subject.

  
  


**707:**

Rika, let me ask you something. 

**Miyeon:**

Seven, is it okay to keep talking

to Rika?

**707:**

I just want to ask her one thing. 

**Rika:**

Let him ask, Miyeon. It’s okay. 

**707:**

Rika…

**707:**

Is… is Saeran safe?

**707:**

He’s safe, right? He’s safe from

your and V’s fight?

  
  


A hissed curse fell from Ray’s lips, directing your attention towards him. His gloved hands were curled into tight fists atop the desk, a menacing glare etched into his face, enraged mint eyes stuck to the screen. Ray had gone completely rigid, his shoulders trembling with what seemed, to you, to be pure, white-hot rage. 

To say his reaction surprised you would be an understatement. What in the world had elicited such a violent, angry response out of nowhere? Your heartbeat picked up, echoing in your already aching head.

You glanced back down, scanning the messages again briefly.

_ Saeran?  _ Had it been that name?

Who in the world was Saeran to make Ray that angry? Another person who had abandoned Ray in the past? A slew of curses filled the silence around you, only confusing you further.

You tried to briefly push out your curiosity and ignore Ray’s silent glowering as the messages continued to flood the chatroom, one after the other. You could think about this later.

  
  


**Rika:**

He’s safe. He’s doing well. 

**707:**

Okay, that’s good. That’s all I

needed to know. 

  
  


_ “Liar,” _ Ray hissed. 

You looked up yet again to find that his glare had only seemed to deepen. Ray looked absolutely furious, like whatever he was seeing in the messages was upsetting him at a very personal level. He seemed like he was barely containing whatever rage he was feeling, which was leaking out of the cracks in his already fragile demeanor. 

You couldn’t help but feel like you were intruding. You knew that this conversation was never meant for you to participate in. These names that were being thrown around- Saeyoung, Saeran, and Rika- they were all names that had been secrets, kept in the dark and away from the prying eyes of outsiders like you. 

And yet, you were being handed this information, watching as Ray was slowly being reduced to nothing but pure, unfiltered rage at whatever he was thinking about. 

It felt so wrong. The situation was falling apart and you were an unwilling witness to something that you never should have been involved in to begin with.

You briefly wondered if Miyeon felt as lost as you did at the moment.

As Seven continued to insist on the safety of Saeran, you remained attuned to Ray’s steadily increasing aggression. You didn’t say a word to him, trying to focus on the conversation unfolding in front of you as it changed directions slightly, shifting once again to the Savior insisting on the validity of her own reasons for the things that she had been doing since faking her death. 

You had started gripping the phone tighter as you read her words, unable to stop yourself from also growing frustrated. It was one thing for you to bear witness to the horrible things she had done, especially since falling victim to Mint Eye yourself, but it was a completely different anger to read her haphazard excuses. 

The Savior had ruined the lives of hundreds of vulnerable people, your own, Miyeon’s, and Ray’s included. She had dragged innocent people into this ridiculous revenge that had been blown out of proportion.

You wanted to lash out. You wanted to let the Savior know exactly why she was wrong. You wanted to express the rage that you’d been bottling up for weeks. You had been given a front seat to the suffering that the Savior had facilitated within the walls of Magenta. If you hadn’t been so close to losing your mind, you would have laughed at how comical it was for the Savior to insist that what she had been doing was okay.

But you couldn’t express any of your feelings. You couldn’t risk it. 

It would put both you and Ray in danger if you spoke up. The consequences would be worse than what you had already endured. 

So, you remained quiet, the only evidence of your anger being the tight grip you had on Ray’s phone.

  
  


**707:**

I’m not listening to you right now. 

**Rika:**

…You don’t want to listen to me?

**707:**

I already told you. 

**707:**

I have to get back to work. 

**707:**

I hope our relationship can

improve enough for us to enjoy

a chat someday. 

**707:**

But I won’t expect that. 

**707:**

Miyeon, I’m logging out first. 

**707:**

Don’t talk to Rika too much. 

**Rika:**

….

**707:**

Username “Ray”

  
  


Once again, being addressed directly caused your stomach to twist over itself, a rock settling in your gut. Your mouth went dry, and you found yourself feeling grateful that you didn’t have to risk physically speaking. 

  
  


**Ray:**

Yeah?

**707:**

I’m not sure what role you play

in all of this exactly… but I hope

you look out for yourself. 

**707:**

Miyeon trusts you, and you don’t

seem happy where you are. 

**707:**

I trust in Miyeon’s judgment of

you. 

**707:**

So I hope you stay smart and

remain safe. 

**707:**

I’m logging out first. 

**707:**

I hope you stay well, Rika. 

707 has left the chatroom. 

**Rika:**

… . 

  
  


The phone was snatched out of your hands before you could witness the conversation continue any further. Your head snapped up to Ray, eyebrows flying up in surprise. He was glaring at the phone, tapping on the screen a few times, before pocketing the device. 

Ray looked absolutely  _ livid _ . 

You couldn’t say a word, your hands still suspended in midair where you’d been holding the phone. 

“Liar,” Ray spat. “Traitor. Hypocrite. How  _ dare _ he talk like that? How dare he talk you like he knows what’s best?”

Your throat felt constricted.

Ray didn’t look like himself. Frenzied and disheveled, he was so angry that his face was red, twisted into something completely unrecognizable. Your blood was ice in your veins, sending a shudder coursing up your spine, followed soon by a wave of goosebumps. 

This wasn’t good at all. 

“He doesn’t know anything,” Ray finally met your gaze, eyes flames of searing mint. “You can’t trust him. You can’t.”

You weren’t sure how you managed to move under the weight of Ray’s glare, but your head shook from side to side anyways. 

“I won’t,” your voice felt far too quiet.

Ray didn’t immediately respond. Whatever thoughts were in his head seemed to be completely overwhelming him, overriding his usual capabilities to remain calm and control himself. He flew to his feet, hurrying towards the door in uncharacteristically rushed, long strides. 

“I have to talk to the Savior,” Ray informed you. “Stay here and wait for me.”

Like you could have left anyways.

Ray didn’t allow you to speak. He wasted no time in opening the heavy metal door, exiting the room, and tugging it shut behind him. The sound of the lock turning was a grim reminder, but even that wasn’t enough to break through the fog of shock surrounding you. 

_ Saeran.  _ It had to be this person that had upset Ray so much.

Who was Saeran? Why did he make Ray so angry? Countless questions were beginning to fill your head, exasperating the ache that had already been permeating your cranium for hours. You hadn’t had the chance to ask him about any of what you had read, but considering his intense reaction, you found yourself thinking that your inability to get a word in had been a blessing in disguise.

Still, the room was too quiet. You were uncomfortable and felt strangely cornered, like you had been backed into a wall and had no way to defend yourself. You felt incredibly vulnerable and strangely alone. The workroom, which had become almost comforting to you at some point, seemed much colder in the wake of the last few days.

Ray had been drifting 

You didn't know who you were speaking to when he got so angry. None of this made sense anymore. Nothing was the same, and you had no idea what direction these events were steering you in. 

You felt more afraid than you had in a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that the chatroom didn't break up the flow of the chapter too much! I honestly try to avoid them because I feel they seem out-of-place, but this one was really important so I tried to incorporate it as well as I could. 
> 
> Things are on a precipice, and everything's very close to falling apart. There's something right around the corner, and I'm sure that you all can see it as well. :) The wait is coming to an end, and I really hope it'll live up to everyone's expectations. 
> 
> I don't have a lot to say! This week was busy, but writing this fic provides me with an escape, like always. Thank you so much for all of the Kudos/comments that everyone leaves on this story. I love hearing what you have to say. Your comments are always so motivating and sweet, and I mean it when I say that I'm grateful for every single word. If anyone ever has anything they want to say, please feel encouraged to comment! I love interacting with everyone!
> 
> I hope that you've all had a great week and that the next one is even better. Take care of yourselves and stay safe!


	21. Raindrops on Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everything you thought was true finally crumbles around you.

Ray was gone for much longer than you had expected. 

There were times where he would leave for a few hours. Those hours always seemed to pass you by with deliberate lag, causing seconds to last minutes and minutes to last hours. Usually, when Ray was gone for that long, it was because something bad was happening. His regular meetings with the Savior were usually a twenty-minute ordeal, nowhere near long enough to cause you any distress. This time, though, it had been hours. You had already been anxious when he left, so you’d been spending the entire afternoon pouring over your thoughts, torturing yourself with a desperate search for answers that you could not find.

Not only were you mentally stressed, but your body was starting to feel the effects of your situation. You were exhausted, sleep-deprived, and hadn’t been able to eat as much as you usually did. You were exhausted, fatigued down to the core of your very being, and intrusive thoughts found it that much easier to invade your head and settle down with malicious intentions. Your head was foggy, like a wad of cotton had been stuffed into your cranium, and it was difficult to think clearly. You had been sitting in your chair for so long that your back smarted. Your muscles ached and your joints were stiff, but you had little motivation to move. It wasn’t like you had anywhere to go. 

You had plenty to think about, anyway. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise, you thought. You could use this opportunity to try and make some sense of what had happened over the last day. From the mention of more unfamiliar people who were clearly involved in this mess somehow-  _ Saeyoung and Saeran _ \- to the very obvious crumbling of the Savior’s equilibrium that had Ray deeply stressed, you were plagued by problem after problem. Your troubles never seemed to cease, only building on one another until you felt like you were nothing more than a conglomeration of anxiety, frustration, and stress.

No wonder you were starting to get sick.

You felt seconds away from imploding. You were sore, your head pulsated with a dull ache, and you were frustrated. You felt strangely hypersensitive to everything around you, from the way you were sitting in your chair to the brushing of your clothes against your skin. Exhaustion was only worsening your already fragile mental state. With everything that had been going on, you found it was a wonder you hadn’t lost your mind yet. 

What was upsetting you the most, though, was that you had no idea when Ray would be back. He had said that he was going to go speak to the Savior and had rushed out of the room without any sort of clarification. He hadn’t even spared you a goodbye. It was incredibly unlike him, so much so that you found yourself deeply unnerved. You had no idea what had upset Ray to that degree. Your only clue was the name  _ Saeran _ , which Seven had brought up, trying to ascertain their whereabouts. Ray had reacted instantly. You remembered his eyes, like blue flames, searing with nothing less than primal rage. 

It had scared you. 

A sigh escaped your lips again, but you found that this time, you felt more agitated than exhausted. 

At the end of the day, you were little more than a bystander who had been forcibly involved in a very personal fight between a bunch of people that you hardly knew. You couldn’t imagine that there was anything in the world worth getting so mad about that the Savior had resorted to  _ this, _ and that infuriated you. This was beyond extreme. It was deadly and dangerous, and you wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. 

You were never meant to have taken part in something like this. You didn’t belong in this fight. But because Ray had decided that he liked you, he had whisked you away and locked you up, stripping you of your freedom and your dignity. Ray had been your only real human contact in years, and despite your situation, you quickly found yourself growing somewhat used to suddenly spending almost every hour of every day with him. The setup had led to the development of a strange, almost absurd friendship. It had taken you a matter of weeks to conclude that, for some reason, you felt something for Ray. You were trapped in a cult with an unhinged, narcissistic leader who had it out for your blood, and upon witnessing the extent of her exploits, you knew that you couldn’t solely blame Ray anymore. Your empathy had been your downfall, and it led you to do the one thing that you had promised yourself you wouldn’t do.

Care. 

And now that you had started, you couldn’t stop it anymore.

So, when you had seen Ray’s mood undergo such a dramatic shift, going from volatile but ultimately tender to upset and enraged between bouts of his usual tenderness, you had quickly become extremely concerned. You knew that something was very wrong, but he refused to tell you what was ailing him so. Initially, you had just been frustrated, because you thought that things would eventually go back to normal. But the situation had quickly gotten worse, and what had been your normal was a blip on the horizon behind you. Now, it was worry that filled your thoughts. You knew that Ray was headed straight towards the edge of a cliff, and he wouldn’t let you help him away from it. 

So you were anxious for Ray. You doubted that the Savior’s advice, which you had assumed he was presently seeking, would be for him to just take some time and figure out his feelings. She had such a hold on him that she could say anything and Ray would take it as fact. There was no doubt in your mind that the Savior would take advantage of Ray’s vulnerability to tighten her grasp on him. She would whisper elixir-laden words of sweet anger and enticing revenge, only allowing Ray’s many wounds to fester more and more until he couldn’t see past them anymore. 

You were scared for Ray. You didn’t want to see him fall any deeper, not only because he frightened you when he was angry, but also because you knew that the more the Savior dragged Ray down, the less likely it would be for him to find his way back out of Mint Eye. 

So, where would that leave you?

_ What do I do? _

Your chest felt tight. You needed to talk to Ray. You had to say something to him,  _ anything _ to remind him that he had more options than Mint Eye. Than the Savior. 

You couldn’t let him be stuck in this place. 

For the first time in too long, you sat back up straight. You took your phone from its perch on the desk, where it had been abandoned hours ago, and turned on the screen. The phone unlocked to the only app that you were able to access, the messenger app, and you stared at your chat with Ray. There had been a few mundane texts sent between the two of you throughout your time spent at Magenta. Usually, it was Ray checking in on you or telling you that he missed you, cooing over you or reminding you to rest. They were sweet messages, evidence of his care toward you, and you found that a part of you missed those texts terribly. You took a few minutes to scroll back through the chat history, reading through them absentmindedly. 

It pained you to realize just how much Ray had changed recently.

He had always texted you when he was gone for longer periods of time. Ray was always the instigator. At first, you hadn’t messaged him because you were uncomfortable, but not it was more of a routine than anything else. 

This time, there was nothing new to read. Ray had already been gone for a few hours, and your phone had remained as dry as could be. So, for the first time, you decided to take the initiative. You pressed his name in your contacts and pulled up the profile. His contact photo was Mint Eye’s logo, and you found yourself glaring at the green iris that held your gaze. 

You would have burned this place down if you could. 

After a few seconds of wallowing in frustration, you finally decided to move on. You tapped the telephone icon and raised the device up to your ear, rubbing at your temples with your free hand as the dial tone began to play. 

It was a strange sound. You hadn’t called anyone in months. You couldn’t help the flashes of your life in the outside world that played through your mind for just a second. It was like the noise of the dial tone temporarily transported you out of Mint Eye, offering you just a second’s respite. 

But you knew you couldn't accept the offered comfort. Not now. 

The dial tone played through once. Then again. Then once more. As it entered its fourth round, you felt your heart sinking deeper into your stomach, a weight landing in your chest. 

_ “The number you have dialed is unavailable. Please leave a message after the-“ _

You hung up the call. You allowed yourself a few seconds before returning to your chat with Ray. Your thumbs danced across the keyboard as you constructed a text. It felt awkward to send the message, but you did so anyway. 

  
  


**You:**

Ray? I’m worried about

you. Can you text me

when you get the chance?

  
  


You hesitated for a few seconds, thumbs still hovering above the keyboard for a few seconds as you debated whether or not to send the n ext message that you had typed out. Your pride was working against you, but the part of you that was worried about Ray eventually won. You pressed send thinking that, if nothing else, Ray would find some sort of comfort in your messages, even if he chose not to respond.

  
  


**You:**

I miss you.

  
  


* * *

You had eventually fallen asleep in your desk chair. Slumping over the desk had become something that you did more and more often, especially as Ray left for longer periods of time, and while it was never comfortable, it always ended up being your preferred position of respite. You never really planned on sleeping at the desk, as you always awoke feeling worse than you had felt before falling asleep, but it usually ended up happening, anyway.

You awoke to the sound of the door unlocking. Though you had the distinct impression that you hadn’t been asleep for too long, the profound exhaustion that you’d felt upon waking up had you feeling like you’d just taken a three-hour nap only meant to disorient you further. Still, the familiar sound managed to fight its way through some of the fog in your head, grabbing your attention and giving you a short burst of nervous energy. 

You immediately sat up straight, whirling your chair around just in time to catch the door opening.

Your hopes were instantly crushed and replaced by a thick feeling of dread, which settled in your stomach with such force that you instantly felt somewhat queasy.

Instead of Ray, you found the Savior standing in the doorway. Outwardly, she had returned to her usual composed disposition, not a wavy strand of hair out of place. Her emerald eyes fell on you, still disheveled in your chair from having fallen asleep in such an awkward position, and something flickered through her gaze for just a second- enough for you to notice but not enough for you to decipher. 

You felt cold instantly. A foreboding feeling overcame you like a tidal wave, soaking you from head to toe. 

There was no way that this could mean anything good. 

“You poor thing,” the Savior’s voice was like a clear bell resounding throughout the early morning air, chilly yet somehow melodic. “Ray’s left you alone for quite some time, hasn’t he?”

You couldn’t tell if the Savior was trying to be condescending, but it felt that way to you. Still, swallowing your distaste for her way of speaking to you was a necessity, and you did just that. It wouldn’t do you any good to get immediately frustrated with her, no matter how much you wanted to. 

Your voice was hoarse when you finally spoke, still thick with exhaustion.

“Is Ray okay?” Your question was sudden and much more forward than you were used to being with the Savior, but your filter was being worn down after sitting with your festering anxiety for hours on end. 

The Savior’s lips quirked upwards ever so slightly like she was pleased for reasons unknown to you.

“Why don’t we take a walk?” She proposed, still standing at the doorway in her usual snug, elegant black dress. “I have some things I’d like to discuss with you. I think that your insight could prove useful, and I’m sure that time out of this room would do you some good.”

While the Savior refusing to answer your question was blatantly manipulative and just as frustrating, you were much more bothered by the fact that, out of nowhere, she was demanding an audience with you. It was no secret that the Savior didn’t particularly care for you. If anything, you were a liability that she chose to use because, while you posed a threat, it was ultimately insignificant and you were a useful tool that she could use to control Ray. 

Not once had you held a conversation with the Savior that didn’t end with you feeling uncomfortable or upset. She only ever properly spoke with you four times, and none of them had been particularly pleasant. 

So, you wanted to refuse. But you knew that you had little choice in the matter, if any at all, and you had been sitting alone for hours on end. You really needed to use the bathroom, and that sort of discomfort encouraged you to be a little bit more open-minded.

So you nodded and stood up, smoothing your disheveled clothes a bit to appear less haphazard. The exhaustion was still running rampant in your head, pleading for you to go back to sleep, but you pushed it to the back of your mind as much as you could. 

“Wonderful,” the Savior offered you a smile, deceivingly brilliant, and waited for you to approach her. “I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful talk.”

_ Sure.  _

Again, you nodded, trying to appear agreeable despite the weight that had settled atop your shoulders. Upon stepping out of the workroom and into the hallway, you couldn’t help but notice that it was strangely dark outside of the windows despite being midday. Thick, dark grey clouds curled across the sky like wads of dirtied cotton, blocking out the majority of the sun’s rays. The lights within Magenta were all on, bathing the already glittering white walls in a bright fluorescent glow that was brutal to your sensitive eyes, and you couldn’t help squinting as your head began to pound again. Something about the scenery was strangely surreal, the promise of an incoming storm bringing with it a gloomy feeling that permeated your thoughts and caused your limbs to feel heavier than usual. 

“Um, Savior,” you spoke up meekly, head growing hot with embarrassment, “is it alright if I visit the restroom?”

The Savior chuckled at you, the sound sweet as wildflowers amidst meadows of abundantly green grass. “Have you been left alone for that long?”

You offered a tight-lipped smile in response, unwilling to answer her question. The way that the Savior looked at you, like she was so above you, made you feel queasy. There was something sharp in her eyes, glinting like light reflecting off of the blade of a knife. You couldn’t help wondering if she could see right through you.

“Please, take your time,” the Savior came to a stop, and the Believers that had been trailing her following suit. “It would be cruel of me to deny you that, no?

You could have laughed at the irony of her words, but being so blatantly disrespectful would have gotten you nowhere. So, without another word, you disappeared into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind you, and wasted no time doing what you came to do. The quiet, which was usually serene, a welcome repose from the dark workroom, was now anything but. It felt strangely foreboding, uncomfortable as it temporarily separated you from the rest of Magenta with a single door. As you washed your hands you found yourself looking at yourself in the mirror, staring at the reflection offered to you by the spotless glass.

To say you looked horrible was an understatement. Even when you had been homeless, using gas station restrooms to freshen up in the mornings, you had looked better than you did right now. Your eyes seemed sunken into your skull, the skin around them dark and puffy from stress and the resulting lack of sleep. Your skin was impressively dull, your eyes reflecting the fatigue residing within your body. Your clothes were slightly wrinkled, and no amount of attempting to smooth them down with your hands appeared to do much good. 

You looked deeply exhausted. Your appearance was clearly a physical manifestation of your poor mental state. But, even knowing that you were about to spend time around the Savior, who seemed always ready to snatch up information to use against you, you just couldn’t bring yourself to care that much. You took a second to splash cold water on your face, attempting to both wake yourself up and refresh your skin, but you still felt just as worn-down after toweling your face dry. The water that had gotten on the hems of your sleeves felt too high a price to pay for something that had hardly done you any good. 

_ Whatever.  _ You had little time to waste staring at yourself. There were more important matters at hand. 

As you unlocked the door and twisted the knob to let yourself back out into the hallway, your heart sped up at the sight of the Savior, who smiled at your return. 

“There you are,” she quipped, deceivingly good-natured. “Come. Let us go. There’s much for us to discuss.”

Though the Savior’s enthusiasm was more than a little off-putting, you knew that you were hardly in a position to refuse.

Despite the ache of exhaustion settled deep into the muscles of your thighs, your legs carried you toward the Savior. As she began walking at a leisurely speed, you matched your pace to hers, head running rampant with speculations about what she wanted with you today. 

Would it be about Miyeon again? Or Ray? Was she angry that you had failed the role she bestowed upon you?

Were you useless to the Savior, even as bait?

Your head was already spinning, only frustrating your already agitated mind. You felt as if you didn’t truly have the energy to be running through this many speculations, but you couldn’t seem to stop yourself. Your anxieties wouldn’t allow themselves to be turned off.

“You seem quite tired,” the Savior commented, hands clasped in front of her as she walked down the glittery halls, paying no mind to the Believers that bowed their heads as she passed. “Quite like the rest of us. I suppose it’s a common feeling lately, wouldn’t you say?”

You glanced at the Savior out of the corner of your eyes, but her emerald gaze was focused forward. You couldn’t help noticing that her eyes were still slightly red around the edges, indicative of the stress she seemed to be alluding to. You wondered what had frustrated her enough to upset the tranquility she usually seemed to carry with her. A part of you almost wanted to feel bad for the Savior, as she had clearly been suffering, but you knew that the chances of you adopting such a selfless perspective were slim to none. She had squashed any chances of that a long time ago.

Still, despite the simplicity of her comment, the Savior’s words seemed strangely cryptic in nature. 

“I suppose so,” you kept your response simple, trying to allow her to continue leading the conversation in whatever direction she had planned.

“There are some things I’d like to share with you,” the Savior told you. “I hope you’ll hear me out. I think you’ll find this quite enlightening, yourself.”

_ Oh? _

Your heart was thrumming in the back of your mind, a small warning to stay on guard. Not a single part of you trusted the easy-going feeling that the Savior was exuding. You couldn’t help your paranoia. It whispered to you that she was not to be trusted, and that this conversation would likely hold double-meanings.

“Of course,” you kept your response simple, but you couldn’t deny that the Savior’s words were intriguing. Since when had she ever been willing to share anything with  _ you? _ You had never carried importance of your own. From day one, you had just been the tool with which she could maintain control over Ray. You had been indicted into Mint Eye, sure, but you had never truly been a member. The Savior had made sure to remind you of your place every chance that she got. So, the fact that she was trying to tell you something with even a bit of importance roused your suspicions.

You followed the Savior down a long hallway, and you remembered it as the one that led toward the throne room and the garden. Your heart was still noticeably thumping quicker than usual in your chest. Being anywhere near the Savior always prompted a strange buzzing of your nerves, like bugs skittering across your skin with the intent of prolonging your anxiety. The Savior, even with everything that you had learned about her over the last few weeks, was still just as terrifying to you as she had been from the very beginning. Your knowledge of her fragile mental state and the witnessing of her gradual loss of composure wasn’t enough to redirect your trepidation. If anything, it only strengthened your fright. You didn’t understand her in the slightest, and you were constantly on edge because of that. This feeling was similar to the one you had held for Ray when you first met him; you had to walk on eggshells and cherry-pick every single one of your words.

If you said or did anything wrong, you would be done for. That was a given. So, like always, you tried to keep yourself as calm as you could despite being wrought with anxiety. You had to remain in control of your emotions as much as you could, even if your exhaustion had been gradually wearing down your strength of mind. You couldn’t falter.

You only had one chance, and you had to remember that or the consequences would be dire. 

As you continued down the hallway with the Savior, the corners of her lips pulled upwards slightly. Something flickered in her eyes, and it glinted beneath the fluorescent lights overhead.

“I’d like to discuss this in the garden,” she told you. “Though it’s rather cloudy at the moment, I think that the change of scenery would be quite soothing.”

The thought of the garden tugged at the corner of your heart. You hadn’t been among the flowers and fresh air for weeks. The last time had been with Ray, and it was a night that you had come to treasure. Looking back, it almost felt like you were looking at an experience that hadn’t truly been your own. You were immeasurably different as a person, and it hadn’t even been that long.

It was strange. Even at the time, you had been uncomfortable and on edge. Those feelings seemed to be a staple at Magenta from day one, so your paranoia wasn’t entirely unsurprising. But your discomfort had steadily been rising, not enough to notice from day to day, but obvious enough that you couldn’t ignore the differences when you looked back. 

The Savior didn’t say another word as the two of you continued toward the door leading outside. She seemed content to remain in her head for the time being, and you didn’t dare break the silence. Though you were deeply uncomfortable, the moments that you spent quietly allowed you to gather your thoughts and ground yourself as much as possible in preparation for whatever conversation you were about to have. You couldn’t afford to make any mistakes.

When you finally did step outside, you found it to be surprisingly chilly. The darkened clouds obscured the sun in the sky, stealing away too much of its warmth. The slight frigidity in the air gifted you with an awareness of the passing of time, reminding you of just how long it’d been since your abduction. It had been mid-May at the time, and it was now well into the summer months. It was almost like summer couldn’t advance while you were stuck at Magenta, like it was in a limbo of its own that separated it from the rest of the world and its passing seasons.

The wind tousled around your cheeks and you felt the tip of your nose begin to chill.

It felt strange to consider things as trivial as the weather, even if it was only for a few seconds.

The flowers, bulbs well-groomed and petals swaying softly in the breeze, stood out even more than they had the first time that you’d seen them. The dreary sky only saturated their colors, surrounded by various shades of deep green leaves. It painted a strange contrast between the sky and the flowers, and you found a strange beauty in the dichotomy.

The cosmos waved at you as a gentle breeze blew you by.

You didn’t have long to be enraptured by the garden, though. You consciously returned your attention to the Savior, who seemed to be lost in her own thoughts, not unlike the way you had just been. Her hair, like molten gold cast into beautiful waves, tousled in the wind. There was a strange, melancholic edge to her eyes, and you found that, at that moment, she seemed more human to you than ever before.

That observation wasn’t enough to prompt any reevaluation of your opinion on her, though. The Savior was still the same person who had drugged you, exploited hundreds of people, and perpetuated the abuse of somebody who had relied on her for support. Nothing would ever be able to erase what she had done. 

You would remain steadfast in that perspective.

The Savior seemed to take notice of your looking at her. After a few seconds, her gaze turned to you, and your head grew hot as soon as you realized that she had caught you blatantly staring. Despite the fact that you had clearly been noticed, you still averted your gaze.

The Savior chuckled lightly from beside you.

“No need to be shy. We’re here to talk amongst ourselves, aren’t we?”

The amount of forced kindness in her tone was sickly sweet, like too much syrup poured over a pancake. The Savior sounded kind enough, but you were unable to trust what she was giving you.

Maybe you were just being pessimistic, but there was no doubt in your mind that the Savior wanted something from you. There was no other reason that she would have this sudden of a change in character, especially to someone who she knew was plotting against Mint Eye.

It didn’t make sense. The suspicion was running rampant in your head, kicking up dust as it did. The adrenaline in your blood was making you feel jittery and flighty, and thinking through that fog was proving to be a challenge. 

“May I ask what you wanted to speak with me about?” You finally spoke up, but your voice felt like it was lost amongst the flower petals that danced in the breeze. 

The Savior began a leisurely stroll down one of the pathways that led into the gardens. You continued to follow, allowing her to set the speed at a comfortable pace. You felt awkward and clumsy next to her. The Savior seemed to glide instead of walk, moving gracefully as her eyes wandered from flower to flower, inspecting those that she passed by.

“What do you think of the sun?” The Savior answered your question with one of her own, just as cryptic as nearly everything else that she had ever said to you. 

You couldn’t help glancing sideways at her as you considered her question briefly. Immediately, your mind attempted to make sense of the strange query, so out of place that it almost hurt. How were you supposed to answer a question like that?

The sun wasn’t even out. The Savior must have had something in mind when she asked you that. What else could you do but play along?

Despite the seemingly innocent nature of the question, you found your heart thrumming in your chest like the wings of a hummingbird on a hot summer afternoon. 

You didn’t know what the Savior wanted to hear, so all you could do was answer honestly.

“If you’re asking me to answer literally, I’d say I’m glad for the sun. Nothing would be alive without it,” you cherry-picked your words, trying to sound as composed as possible. “If you mean symbolically, then my answer’s a bit more complicated. The sun’s bright and intense. Some people think that shadows wouldn’t exist without the sun, but I’d argue that darkness has always been there. Either way, I’m happy that it exists, because I wouldn’t want to live in a world where everything was dark.”

Your rambling came to an end. Your head felt hot with anxiety and slight embarrassment as the Savior seemed to think over your answer. During the brief seconds of silence that followed your response, you felt your nerves buzzing louder and louder, wondering repeatedly if you’d said the wrong thing. Had you given the Savior the answer she was looking for?

Why did she have to ask something so strange?

What felt like an eternity to your tired mind had truly only been a few seconds. The Savior let out a small chuckle, dazzling green eyes flickering up towards the dark clouds that obscured the subject of her curiosity. 

“Of course, you would think that way,” her comment had you feeling slightly insecure, igniting a small, cautionary flame of fear in your stomach. “Most people from the outside would.”

You found yourself running over the words you’d spoken just seconds ago, trying to discern what part of your response had given the Savior that impression. Your mouth felt unbearably dry. 

Had you answered wrong?

“Ray thinks that you’re like us,” the Savior continued, petite fingers lightly tracing the edge of a pink flower petal as she spoke. “Lost, defeated by those who hold power over you. I can see why he would think so. You present yourself as a victim. But you think quite differently from us.”

The more she spoke, the more confused you became. 

“Here, at Magenta, we live without the sun. We allow ourselves to embrace our darkness, to let it constitute everything that we are. The very light that we’ve fought for our entire lives would burn us to a crisp if we would be exposed to it. Ironic, wouldn’t you say?”

You remained silently beside the Savior, following her as she took a turn that led deeper into the gardens. The flowers were plentiful, blips of colors straight from the rainbow that filled the air around you with a soft, sweet aroma that settled in the depths of your nostrils. 

“When I first met you, I had the feeling that you might struggle to accept our way of doing things. The promises you’ve made to Ray have proven me right. You don’t understand that people like us, like  _ him _ , belong at a place like Magenta. Here, we can live without fear of being burned alive by those who were made to thrive in the sun.”

You found that a small kindling of frustration was beginning to arise in the pit of your stomach. The philosophy that the Savior was enlightening you with was doing nothing but provoke the anger you’d been storing away, secretly directing at her for weeks on end. It had been festering, and the stronger it grew, the more you had to remind yourself that expressing it would do nothing but get you killed. 

But that was the least of your problems at the moment.

How did the Savior know what you had told Ray? How had she known that you’d tried to convince him to run?

A sour taste filled your mouth as bile rose up your throat, the acidity burning your esophagus and rooting you in place.

You had kept Ray’s secrets, but you hadn’t considered that he might not keep yours. 

Had he really told the Savior that you’d been trying to get him to escape alongside you? Had he really sold you out so easily?

_ Why? _

You struggled to keep your breathing steady. A foreboding feeling overcame you, mingling with anxiety and exhaustion, permeating your thoughts and clouding your judgment in a split second.

What was going to happen to you know? And how could you stop it?

You had to fix this. But  _ how _ ?

“I’m sorry,” words slipped from your lips like butter. “I didn’t know.”

You felt the weight of the Savior’s gaze on you, but you didn’t dare meet her eyes. You didn’t know if you could handle the look she was probably giving you. 

This was bad.

“The fault isn’t all yours,” the Savior’s words, perhaps meant to sound comforting, were anything but. “It seems that Ray didn’t educate you quite as he should have. Perhaps people like you aren’t compatible with Mint Eye the way that he had hoped.”

A lightning strike of fear wreaked havoc in your mind, stirring up the fears that you had been forcing to remain dormant for weeks. 

_ No.  _

“I can be,” you insisted, immediately spiraling downwards as the prospect of your life ending settled into your thoughts like the slow staining of white carpet by red wine. “I can do better.”

_ This can’t happen.  _

The Savior came to a stop, and you followed suit. Your movements were growing more rushed as you struggled to maintain the composure that you’d barely had in the first place. Terror was beginning to seep into your blood, spreading throughout your body too fast for you to contain.

Emerald eyes took in your frenzying state, and you could have sworn you spied a tinge of satisfaction in her gaze, as if the Savior was enjoying your descent into a panic. 

You wouldn’t have held it past her. This woman was twisted. She was practically eating up your fear, but you couldn’t hope to reign it back in anymore.

“You poor thing,” the Savior tilted her head to the side ever so slightly. “You really think that you could change what’s already set in stone?”

_ No.  _

You knew that you could never abide by Mint Eye’s philosophy. Not truly. It went against your very nature, as if you had been programmed to be the exact opposite of the Believers that the Savior seemed to be looking for. You were not a mindless drone, and you would never let yourself be reduced to an empty shell. You may not have truly been living your life the way you should have, even before being abducted, but that certainly didn’t mean that you were willing to surrender everything to play puppet for someone with a savior-complex.

But you could pretend. You could lie better, stick to your convictions with more certainty, and keep your stupid mouth shut. If you had to retreat back into your head and play this game more carefully, then that was what you would do. __

You had no other choice. 

“I do,” you insisted, hands clammy and shoulders tense. “I can learn. I  _ want _ to learn.”

These words weren’t yours. They slipped from your mouth, greasy and fake, propelled out one after the other in a way that you didn’t know you could manage. You’d never begged- you were far too proud. But pride would do you no good if it only ended in your demise, and the harsh beating of your heart against your ribcage was convincing you to stoop to whatever level necessary to ensure your own survival. 

You couldn’t die. You couldn’t be cleansed. 

The RFA had said that they would save you. You were so close. You had to believe in that.

“I’m inclined to disagree,” the Savior’s voice was like a cool breeze, calm and collected in comparison to the tornado wrecking your mind. “But Ray seems to think that you could do us some good. And you are here under his administration.”

A small flower of hope dared to bloom within your chest. You held onto it, trying with all of your might not to crush its delicate petals under your trembling fingertips. 

“So, I’ll allow you to stay. If not as a Believer in the typical sense, I think you can serve some purpose to Mint Eye, yet. Perhaps you can learn, after all.”

Yes. You could learn. 

You could lie. You could pretend. You could shut away all parts of yourself if you had to, if only to stay alive until the RFA rescued you. 

There was no other choice. 

“I can,” your hands clenched into tight, sweaty fists. “I swear.”

The Savior’s lips finally curled back up into a smile. You wondered if the power trip she was getting from threatening to squash you and then allowing you to live was somehow making her feel better. There was something incredibly condescending about the way she looked at you, green eyes glinting despite the dim sunlight. 

“I do hope so,” she said. “I truly wouldn’t like to see you suffer more than necessary if there’s a chance for redemption.”

Did she think she was doing you a favor?

The Savior’s words were like ice, said prettily but with inclinations that made your stomach curl. The butterflies in your gut were fluttering about with wild movements, haphazard and uncomfortable, and you felt so sick to your stomach that you could barely stay upright. 

You had to push through it, though. You couldn’t lose yourself in your terror just yet- not when you were still directly facing the one person who could have you torn to shreds. 

_ Keep it together.  _

“Thank you,” the words weren’t your own, and neither was the voice that emanated from your throat. It wasn’t you. You didn’t submit like this. You had always been too proud, too stubborn. It was those traits that had gotten you in trouble to begin with. When you’d first connected with ‘Unknown,’ you had believed that you would chat with him for a bit without commitment, if only to ease your boredom, while maintaining the ability to remove yourself from the situation if it came down to it. But the rules didn’t apply to Magenta or any of its inhabitants, and you’d had a tumultuous journey in learning that. For as long as you would be here, you would be inferior. An insect, constantly struggling to stay alive, surrounded by hundreds of people that wouldn’t blink if ordered to discard you. 

It was disgusting. But for the foreseeable future, this was your reality. 

And the sooner you accepted that, the better off you would be. 

You couldn’t tell if the Savior was aware of your inner thoughts. For all you knew, they flitted across your gaze, easily spotted behind the colors of your irises. If she knew what you were thinking, she didn’t give it away. You were sure she was enjoying watching you struggle beneath her foot like this.

“It’s my role to save those who wish to be saved,” the Savior told you, beginning the trek back towards Magenta. “I don’t want to be seen as cruel. It’s my duty to protect those who’ve dedicated themselves to Mint Eye. I hope you understand my position as well as your own.”

The Savior still saw you as a threat. That much was obvious. 

You’d known that there was a possibility of her hurting you. You just never dreamed that you’d get so close to seeing that possibility become a reality. 

You barely contained a shudder. The air was too cold on your skin now, the frigidity a threat as it seeped into your bones. 

“I understand,” your words felt like resignation, like you were somehow giving a part of yourself up. 

And perhaps you were. You knew that things couldn’t be the same anymore, not only in terms of how you viewed Magenta but also in regards to your relationship with Ray.

The walk back was fairly silent, and you found yourself retreating back into your thoughts rather easily. As you made your way from the colorful garden back into Magenta’s sparkling halls, you found yourself completely unable to focus on any of your surroundings. Your mind was spinning with thoughts, speculations flying through your head at a rate that you couldn’t keep up with. Despite your attempts to remain grounded, to not think about everything eating at your brain, you were unable to ignore the thrumming of your heart that accompanied your racing thoughts.

Had Ray really ratted you out like that? 

It was hard for you to imagine that Ray would have said or done something that had alluded to your wanting to escape. If anything, he had always been actively trying to stifle any thoughts that so much as hinted at rebellion. There were very few things that terrified Ray as much as someone overhearing your blasphemous words. So how did the Savior know what you’d been saying to him in private?

Ray couldn’t rat you out. He wouldn’t. You had to believe that. 

As you neared the workroom again, walking in complete silence, you felt something heavy settling in your chest, like sticky tar coating the inside of your ribcage.

If you couldn’t trust him, who would you trust?

* * *

Sleep didn’t find you any easier upon your return. The room was too quiet, too dark, and there was far too much on your mind. Your head was pounding, a dull ache resonating in your skull. Even your eyes hurt. It was distracting and disorienting in a way that left you feeling like whatever equilibrium you had maintained was deeply offset. You were sure that the lack of sleep was starting to get to you, seeping your energy and making you sick.

You weren’t sure how much longer you could keep this up. Both your mind and body were on the verge of giving up on you. 

You felt like everything was slowly drawing closer to the edge of a cliff, and you were worried about the inevitable plunge. You couldn’t see around yourself, and everything that you had come to rely on over the past few weeks was starting to disappear into the horizon.

You looked back down at your phone for what must have been the hundredth time since returning to the workroom. 

Still, no answer from Ray. 

Your worry had been steadily increasing. The foreboding feeling that you had been nursing all day was only continuing to fester inside of you. Your conversation with the Savior had almost knocked you off of your feet, and you were struggling to steady yourself again. 

You had known that this was a possibility. You had stressed about it more times than you could count over the weeks. The reason why you had been so secretive, so calculated with your every move was because you knew that if you slipped up, the Savior would have no second thoughts about getting rid of you. You were, to her, nothing more than a tool; disposable, easily replaceable. The smallest mistake could end your life. 

That worry had been in the back of your mind for weeks. You had never forgotten it. But at some point, it had turned into background noise. You had gotten used to its presence and had almost become somewhat desensitized to it. Despite your awareness of its existence, it became more of an abstract idea than a concrete possibility. You had assumed that, if you tried hard enough, you could avoid something catastrophic and make it through to the other side.

Clearly, that was not the case. You had been arrogant, and you were paying the price. If you had been on thin ice before, you now had your feet dipped into the water beneath. 

Miyeon was gone, and so was your relative immunity. You had never been safe, but now you were even less so. And whatever was going on with Ray had only been getting worse. He had been angry, volatile, and miserable. You had tried your best to help, but he had refused to tell you what exactly was going on. So you had just remained a spectator as Ray fell deeper into whatever was consuming his mind, refusing to grasp the helping hand you’d been offering him. 

What were you going to do if he snapped?

Your fingertips drummed the surface of the desk, the sound of flesh against lacquered wood the only sound in the room. It seemed too loud somehow, but the motions brought you the slightest bit of comfort. 

But even that didn’t last long. 

Eventually, you resorted to folding your arms atop the desk and burying your head into the crooks of your elbows, curling into yourself as if you could hide away from Magenta if you tried enough. The exhaustion inside of you was so profound, so all-consuming that you could think of little else. It was everywhere, in every breath you took and in every blink of your eyes.

_ I don’t want to be here.  _

The phrase wouldn’t stop repeating in your head. 

_ I want to go home.  _

But what home did you have to go back to?

Your fingers dug into the flesh of your arms, the pain just enough to ground you without being enough to cause any actual damage. You felt yourself beginning to tremble slightly, tensing up even more as the hurricane of thoughts swimming through your head only increased in intensity. You felt like your mind was under assault, being beaten down, time and time again. 

How had things turned out like this for you? When had your life taken such a ridiculous turn? Three months ago, you wouldn’t have even believed that a cult like Mint Eye actually existed, much less that you would find yourself stuck in its core, being twisted in all directions as you struggled to keep your wits about you. These things just didn’t happen. Not to people like you. 

But yet, here you were. The fact that you were stuck at Magenta was undeniable. You couldn’t talk yourself out of reality. 

You weren’t sure if you were expecting to be stuck alone with your thoughts all night or not. You had been left by yourself for a few hours before, but never much longer than that. As much as it had always been boring to be stuck in the workroom for any length of time at all, solitude made it even worse. You almost hoped for some sort of distraction- anything at all to demand your attention. You didn’t like dwelling on your negativities this way. It was frightening to witness your mind spiral into dark places while your rationale remained stuck, unable to do anything about the approaching catastrophe.

You had been used to being alone before coming to Magenta, but there had been times even then where you resented the isolation. Now, after being stuck with Ray for hours upon hours, week after week, you were even less used to the solitude. It felt empty, dark, and oppressive. Where you had found freedom once upon a time, now only remained a weight of misery that threatened to swallow you whole. 

So, when you heard the unlocking of the door, something in you soared. Though still taken aback by the sudden intrusion of noise, you jumped a little bit before whipping yourself upright and spinning your chair around to face the door. 

You hadn’t thought that you would be quite this glad to have Ray return, but a part of you felt uplifted by the prospect of his company. Despite his recent moodiness, Ray had been your companion for quite some time, and you had grown far more used to him than you’d initially wanted to admit to yourself. 

As long as you weren’t completely alone, you could handle it. 

Still, that didn’t stop a thick confusion from filling your head when the door swung open and you saw him. Your eyebrows drew together slightly, visibly conveying your bewilderment as your gaze met eyes of glimmering mint, far brighter than you had seen them in the past few days. 

“Ray?” You spoke easily, voice uncertain. 

The lips you had grown intimately familiar with twisted up into a smirk as mint eyes ran over your form, still sitting disheveled in your chair. There was an arrogance to the way his arms, clad in the fabric of a smooth, black suit-jacket, crossed over his chest. 

You weren’t quite sure why, but the way your heart began to thump faster in your chest unsettled you beyond words. The devilish upturn to his lips filled you with confirmation that something about this setup wasn’t right, there was something inherently  _ wrong _ with what you were seeing. 

Never once, in the weeks that you had been by his side, had Ray ever worn a black suit. Never once had he neglected to comb his hair, which now jutted out haphazardly in strands of silver and rosy-pink. And never once had Ray looked at you like this, like you were below him- like you were prey to be toyed with as he saw fit. 

You couldn’t say another word despite the questions running rampant through your head. 

The person, Ray but also  _ not, _ leaned against the doorway casually like he was eating up your inability to speak. He was enjoying this, you realized, and your blood froze in your veins when he finally spoke, a twist of dangerous arrogance defiling the voice with which you had become so familiar.

“Hello, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand, here we have it! Ladies, gentlemen, and friends beyond the binary, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. 
> 
> I couldn't resist the cliffhanger. I hope waiting for a week isn't too horrible haha. This chapter was actually super exciting to write, I couldn't wait to get to the end. I hope it's a good read and that it's a good introduction to the next arc, if you will. I was really trying to get a specific feeling across. The reader's pretty worn down at this point, so it only makes sense that our favourite unhinged cult-member would make an appearance. 
> 
> I don't have much to say this week. School is busy. I have my first teaching experience on Tuesday (I'm studying to teach English) and I'm super nervous haha. I'm actually going to continue preparing for that as soon as this chapter is posted. This story has been so cathartic to me, especially here lately. I hope you guys are still enjoying reading it. Thank you so much to everyone who left comments/Kudos on the last chapter! I truly appreciate that you take time out of your day to do so, because your words are super insightful and helpful, and they're super motivating, too. If there's anything anyone ever wants to say, please feel free to drop a comment! I love talking with everyone!
> 
> I hope you all have a great week. Please take care and stay safe! Especially those of you around the west coast in the US. My girlfriend lives near one of the huge fires and it's pretty scary. Because a global pandemic isn't enough I guess, lol. Look out for yourselves!


	22. In the Dark of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you meet someone new and realize that the gears have been turning beneath the surface for far longer than you thought.

The second you heard the nickname fall from the man’s mouth, several things fell into place. The realizations washed over you so suddenly that you were nearly swept off of your feet and, in a split second, your entire world turned upside down. 

You knew what was happening. Or, at the very least, you knew exactly who was standing in front of you at that very moment. 

You had poured over that conversation time and time again. You could practically recite it word for word, every letter burned into the back of your eyelids. Your former mystery man had haunted you day in and day out, following you into your sleep and tormenting you in every way possible. That exchange of messages had been a reminder to you, a warning that danger was nearby. You had been suspicious of every Believer that you passed, so paranoid that you side-eyed every shadow that appeared too dark. The knowledge that there had been eyes on you, unseen and unnoticed, had unnerved you so deeply that you felt choked every time you left the workroom. You knew that this person, dangerous and threatening, was nearby- you just didn’t know specifically where. You didn’t know his whereabouts, his true intentions, or even his name. You hardly knew anything

All you knew for sure was that Ray had been far more afraid than you had expected, and this knowledge had done little more than exacerbate your own fear.

Now, as you stood by the desk, staring at the person who had appeared in the doorway, you found that, despite the sudden clarity that you had been endowed, so many questions soon followed that you found yourself more confused than ever. You had never in your wildest dreams expected  _ this _ \- whatever it was. 

This person was Ray. He looked like Ray, with the same two-toned hair, the curvature to his nose, and the same dark, puffy bags beneath brilliant mint eyes. But everything about the way he carried himself, from the arrogant upturn to his lips to the way he leaned against the doorframe, suggested a person far more confident and far more threatening than Ray had ever been.

Your first thought was that this couldn’t be real. It had to be a joke of some sort, because Ray would never stare at you like he could hardly wait to tear you to pieces. He would never look at you like you were prey, like he enjoyed the fear that must have been seeping out of your every pore.

Or maybe Ray had been lying to you all along. Maybe he was, in fact, far more malicious than he had made himself out to be. Maybe he had purposely gained your trust and friendship for the sole purpose of using it against you. Maybe he wanted to watch you stumble and fall, tangling your ankles in the threads of the conflict that you’d been shouldering for over a month. 

But that couldn’t be it, either, because you refused to believe that everything you had shared with Ray had been a well-rehearsed farce. The emotions he had shared with you, the affection he showed you had been far too real to be fake. It didn’t make sense that you, after hiding away from the world for months on end, losing everything to retain your personal space, would so easily surrender yourself to a facade. You had believed in Ray, empathized with him, and eventually allowed yourself to reciprocate the feelings that had been building up inside of you. That couldn’t have been for nothing.

You wouldn’t allow it.

So, even though you couldn’t deny that, in a way, this person standing in front of you  _ was _ Ray, it was also extremely clear that he wasn’t the Ray that you had grown close to. From the mussed state of his hair and the sneer painted upon his lips to the black, tailored suit he wore proudly, everything about him radiated a completely different energy from the Ray you’d come to care for during your extended stay at Magenta. In just a few seconds, you could tell that you were in far more danger than you’d ever anticipated. As you stood, standing up against the corner of the desk with nowhere to go, a frigid chill descended into the pit of your stomach. One of your worst fears had come true. You were backed into a corner with no escape, staring an enemy directly in the eye without a backup plan. You had nowhere to go and nothing to fall back on. You were completely clueless, dropped into the eye of the hurricane without any idea when the deadly wind would reach you.

Even amidst all of that, though, it was the bewilderment within you that truly trumped everything else. Standing on par with the fear in your blood was a thick confusion that sent your mind spiraling into an attempt to find answers to questions that weren’t providing you with the information that you needed. You knew that something was wrong, and to a certain extent you knew  _ what _ was wrong, but the nuances of this predicament were completely lost to you. This person, Ray but also  _ not _ , was still staring at you in a way that made you profoundly uncomfortable. It was like he could read all of the thoughts in your head without even trying, like he knew every single one of your secrets and couldn’t wait to use them against you.

The mixture of anxiety and dread within you was whispering, warning you that you weren’t going to like whatever this man had in store for you. The thumping of your heart, increasing with every passing second, sent waves of adrenaline coursing through your bloodstream, and the exhaustion that you had been nursing was disappearing so quickly that you briefly wondered if it had ever been there at all. You were left feeling like you were on fire. Coals were being set aflame directly beneath your feet, but you had nowhere to go and no way to find respite from the flames that curled around your toes and singed your skin. 

Your legs burned with the urge to run, your muscles demanding your permission to carry you as far away from your new visitor as possible. His perch in the doorway, however would not allow you to escape, and the way his eyes glinted at you gave you the distinct impression that he knew exactly what he was doing.

So for the time being you were stuck, whether you wanted to be or not.

Now, standing at attention with your shoulders tensed and a frown etched into your face, you found that you were having a hard time finding words that seemed adequate. There was no way you could even attempt to convey the profound confusion plaguing your head. You could tell, just by the way he was looking at you, that the next few minutes were going to be tumultuous.

“Who are you?” You finally settled on, trying your best to keep your voice as steady as you could manage.

Familiar lips dragged up into a more defined smirk, curiosity sparkling within mint eyes. “You catch on fast, don’t you? Maybe you’re not as stupid as I thought.”

_ What? _

It was obvious through his words and the way that he spoke that you were being mocked, and you didn’t like it in the slightest. There was a strange sing-song to his voice, as if he was toying with you and greatly enjoying seeing you squirm. It was clear that he wasn’t taking your question seriously. 

You didn’t know how to respond. There was a strong, almost electric shock filling your mind, and the onslaught of emotions beginning to assault you were scrambling your thoughts, making it impossible for you to grasp the mismatched words inside of your head.

What were you supposed to say to that? You had just been directly insulted, and you’d been speaking to this person for a grand total of thirty seconds.

“I have to say,” he seemed completely unbothered by your silence, standing upright again as he lazily surveyed the room, his gaze wandering across the file cabinets and computer screens before settling on you once again. “I was already pissed off that I have to share my space with another person, especially somebody who Ray picked out. I can’t say that meeting you has made me any more excited. I don’t want to be stuck around somebody who looks like a drowned rat.”

You weren’t sure if you felt more bewildered that he had the audacity to insult you so easily or by the fact that you still felt upset by his comment. It wasn’t exactly like you’d chosen to be stuck inside of a tiny room with no windows and little ventilation for weeks on end. The walls had been closing in on you from the second that you’d been locked away from the world, so many weeks ago, and you’d been putting up with it silently.

There had been nights where you were sure that if you breathed just a little bit too loud, your chest would cave in and you would suffocate. To you, it had been a miracle that you had even made it this far.

The conglomeration of feelings inside of you morphed into a dense agitation that permeated into your thoughts, colouring your mind a transparent red as a film of anger descended over you.

“Excuse me?” The words fell from your mouth with surprising force. “Do you think I _ want  _ to be here?”

Your retort only seemed to increase the man’s enjoyment. Something flitted across his gaze, like he was accomplishing something through riling you up. Even though you had briefly enjoyed the power rush you’d gotten from speaking up, feeling somewhat emboldened by the ease with which you had spoken, it didn’t last long. As soon as the man pushed himself from the door frame, entering the room fully and allowing the door to fall shut behind him, the knowledge that you were now very much trapped with this person immediately squashed the brief haughtiness you’d felt.

_ Shut up shut up- _

_ Just take it. _

“Don’t you, doll?” He took a few more steps toward you, eyes locked onto you like you were a target he was intending to shoot at. You found yourself subconsciously taking a step away, your legs developing a mind of their own, but you were barely able to move before you backed directly into the desk. The rim of lacquered wood dug into your back uncomfortably, pressing against the base of your spine. A few alarms blared to life inside of you, warning you that danger was incoming, and the urge to dodge out of the way fell into you with the force of a tsunami. 

But you had nowhere to go.

“You’re the one who decided to accept the hand he extended to you. You responded to his messages and picked up all of his calls. You took the elixir,” as he approached you, his voice rattling off mistake after mistake like you didn’t already know what you had done, an oppressive weight descended upon your shoulders, crushing your chest. Pools of mint were pinning you in place as this unwelcome visitor stepped directly into your zone of comfort. “That was all you. You can’t deny your role in this.”

You grit your teeth, jaw clenching as your hands gripped the edge of the desk, the wood cool against your heated skin.

You would have been lying if you said that those thoughts had never crossed your mind. You’d been the victim of a vicious cycle since your arrival, blaming yourself one day and rescinding yourself of all fault the very next. Sure, you’d answered Ray’s texts. You knew that you’d gotten into the car willingly. You should never have been so arrogantly reckless, believing that no matter what you did, you could have found a way out. You knew that.

But Ray had drugged you. The Savior had forced elixir down your throat. They’d locked you into this birdcage of a room, restricting your movements and scaring you so bad that you didn’t dare breathe without looking around you to ensure it was safe. 

Your internal conflict had been especially strong during the first stretch of your time at Magenta. You’d been unstable and upset, unable to think straight enough to understand that spinning in circles wouldn’t get you anywhere. It took Miyeon’s arrival and your guilt to truly convince you that it was time to reevaluate your priorities.

Still, hearing his person bring it up so casually, attempting to beat you down, still didn’t exactly feel great.

You refused to validate his words, but you also knew that if you lied, he’d be able to see right through you. So you said nothing. 

This didn’t seem to bother him. Instead, he launched into another spiel, speaking to you casually.

“You know, that weakling talks about you  _ all the time, _ ” he stressed the last few words, tilting his head like he was trying to look at you from a better angle. “Always whining about you, worrying about you, wondering what you’re doing and what you’re thinking of. It’s disturbing. If he could have split your head open to look inside, I’m sure he would have.”

You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of voicing your agreement. You’d known for a long time that Ray’s attachment to you was unhealthy.

“After hearing about you for so many weeks, I was really curious. If somebody was able to catch someone else’s attention so much, they would have to be pretty special.”

Mint eyes looked you up and down quickly, emphasizing his words with a small pause.

“But you’re really not,” he jumped right back into his monologue. “I don’t get it at all.”

Your grip on the desk tightened, the bones of your fingers pressing against your skin.

It was frustrating to hear somebody voice the insecure thoughts that you had been nursing in your head for so long. It wasn’t the first time you had questioned Ray or his reasons, but you had never gone so far as to voice it. You knew that this man’s opinion of you was strange and convoluted, and he seemed to have made up his mind about you long before meeting you, but it still stung that he seemed able to read you so easily.

You didn’t want to respond to him. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had seen straight into your head without even trying. Instead, you defaulted to changing the subject, like you had gotten so used to doing over the last few weeks.

“Who are you?” You repeated your earlier question, voice still hard as you pressed yourself farther into the desk, allowing the rim to dig into your spine just a little bit more. 

Something seemed to change in response to your question. His eyebrow twitched before a glare settled into his face, eyes pinning you in place as his lips twisted into an angry scowl. The speed at which his demeanor transformed caused your heart to drop into your stomach. Instantly, you knew that your question was far from appreciated. 

“I’m not here to answer all of your stupid questions,” his words seemed snappier than before, a new harshness to his voice causing you to go rigid. “If you annoy me, there’ll be hell to pay. Got it?”

A lightning bolt of icy fear struck your chest at the way he was glaring at you, eyes pools of bright fire that singed you as you faltered. 

You’d asked  _ one question. _ It was hardly anything worth getting that angry about.

But still, you didn’t say anything. You knew how much of a disadvantage you were at, and pushing your luck would do nothing but worsen the already dire situation you had found yourself stuck in. You wouldn’t be doing yourself any favors by making this person angry. 

He seemed to be capable of atrocities of a different sort than Ray, and you weren’t itching to figure out what specifically he would be willing to do if you didn’t follow directions.

So you just stayed quiet. 

One of the things that you had unknowingly gotten used to was using your silence as a cushion to fall back on. When you didn’t know what to say, you remained quiet. You didn’t even know if Ray noticed, as he habitually rambled to you for minutes at a time. You had gotten the impression that he wasn’t used to people listening to him, and you were fine with allowing Ray to take all of the initiative. It took the pressure off of you, and you didn’t have to scramble to come up with adequate responses quite as often. You had unknowingly fallen into a pattern that allowed you to keep your mouth shut when words failed you. 

  
Either Ray had the patience of a saint or this person absolutely despised being ignored, because his face very quickly twisted into a scowl, not unlike the one you’d seen upon Ray’s face in the midst of his angriest moments. In this context, though, you found that the glare frightened you now more than ever.

“I said,  _ got it?! _ ” The man raised his voice so suddenly that you involuntarily flinched backwards, pressing yourself even further into the desk as he leaned toward you, invading your personal space with such ease that you found yourself rooted to the spot. “Who do you think you are to ignore me? When I ask you a question, answer!”

“Yes!” Your own voice raised considerably in volume as well, if only to put a stop to the verbal assault you were enduring as quickly as possible. “I’ve got it!”

The sneer on the man’s face didn’t lessen in the slightest, even with your admission of defeat, but he seemed to take some pride in his triumph over you.

“I don’t understand,” he eventually leaned back, mint eyes giving you a once-over as if somehow assessing you. “I don’t get why that weakling had to choose somebody like you as an assistant. Maybe it’s because you’re like him?”

He seemed to be thinking over his own words, and you were in no rush to speak. You weren’t sure if you could say anything worthwhile, no matter how much effort you put into it. Nothing was adding up, and you felt like you were getting lost in a whirlwind of secrets that you didn’t understand in the slightest.

“You’re too idealistic,” he continued, glaring down at you. “I told you, right? I know what you’ve been up to. I’ve heard it, even when that weakling was the one in control.”

His words caused your heart to kickstart again, skipping a beat as it flew into action. 

_ “Don’t think I can’t tell what you’re doing. You’re not as smart as you think you are.” _

That was what he had said to you that day. When he had messaged you threat after threat, intimidating you easily through words on a screen. He had hinted that he had known that you were trying to escape with Ray, sending you into overdrive with the realization that an enemy was lurking nearby. At the time, you had been profoundly confused about  _ how _ he’d known, because you had only ever spoken with Ray about running away in the safety of the workroom, and only a few times. But if what you were seeing in front of you was real- if this person was somehow Ray, then a bit of clarity was being allotted to you now. 

In hindsight, the only other person who had known about your conversations with Ray was Ray. But how were you supposed to come to that conclusion on your own?

Suddenly, the Savior’s words made sense. Of course Ray wouldn’t rat you out. Not after all of the effort he had put into disobeying the Savior already, making sure you wouldn’t have to take the elixir and ensuring your words of betrayal were little more than whispers. Ray was always protective over you, even in his most panicked moments. Your safety had been of the utmost priority. 

But if this man in front of you, Ray but also  _ not _ , could hear your every word and remained loyal to the Savior in a way that Ray wasn’t, it only made sense that he would tell her when given the chance. If he wasn’t committed to keeping you safe like Ray was, there would be nothing stopping him from taking care of a weak link within the incredibly twisted chain that constituted Mint Eye.

_ Of course. _

No wonder she knew. This man was the reason your life was under direct threat once again. Not only were the Savior’s eyes trained on you, scrutinizing your every move, but you were also stuck inside a tiny room with an entirely different tyrant who truly seemed to enjoy shouting at you and putting you down.

The person in front of you must have heard everything you’d said to Ray. Every conversation, every double-meaning you packed into the words you shared with him, every hint at escape and living a normal life again, had been heard by somebody else you hadn’t even known existed. You had been set up for failure since the very beginning. And now, you were little more than putty in this person’s hands. Despite your apathy towards life two months ago, you found that now, you couldn’t imagine meeting such an untimely end. You weren’t satisfied with your life, but you didn’t want to die.

And with everything that this person knew, he could take everything away from you without even trying. One wrong word from him to the Savior, and you were done for.

He had complete control over the situation, and he knew it. 

Your mouth was dry, and a wave of vertigo washed over you with such intensity that it nearly knocked you off of your feet. 

“What a shame that we have to start things off this way,” he continued, the same frown plastered across the face you had grown so familiar with. “We could have played nice and gotten along, doll. But you had to act out, and now we have to fight for you to understand your place here.”

You found yourself doubting that there was a chance you could have actually gotten along with this person right away, but you opted to keep your thoughts to yourself.

  
With how volatile and aggressive he was, you knew that any wrong move could land you in hot water again.

“You don’t understand this place,” mint eyes glared down at you, mouth twisted into a distasteful frown. “And you’re too stupid to understand why the sweet words you whispered into Ray’s ears were useless. So now I have to make up for both of your mistakes. You were stupid enough to talk, and he was stupid enough to listen.”

His frown morphed into a smirk again.

“But that also means that I get to play with you now.”

The malice with which those words were said made your stomach curdle, a sour taste filling your mouth as a chill descended over you. Everything was turning upside down. Everything was going bad; so wrong that you couldn’t even begin to fathom the magnitude of the change that was unfolding directly in front of you.

You didn’t know much. You didn’t know what to say, what to do to fix this. But another part of you doubt

“So this is your doing, doll,” he said, voice lowering a few octaves into a tone much darker than the previous. “You’re the one who let me out to have fun. Are you going to whisper sweet words to me, too?”

You grit your teeth, finding that you were unable to speak even if you had wanted to. Mint eyes watched you like prey, taking in your every move and response with a sick fascination, like he was watching an insect squirm on hot concrete _.  _ A sick feeling overtook you, festering inside of you like an infected wound that throbbed without mercy. Your knuckles turned bone-white as your grip on the edge of the desk tightened, your nails straining against the tips of your fingers. 

“I’m not like Ray,” he leaned in closer once again, and you managed to catch the faintest trace of flowers, painfully familiar but nearly nonexistent as if it had been purposefully eradicated. “I won’t just be nice to you or cater to your every need. I won’t let you get away with being lazy and stupid. If you do something wrong, you’ll suffer the consequences. So think carefully before you say stupid things. If I keep having to clean up after you, it’ll be easier to just get rid of you instead.”

You swore that you forgot how to breathe. Your chest was completely constricted, caved into itself like you were beginning to collapse from the inside out. 

Nothing about this was right. Your world was completely falling apart, and Ray was gone, replaced by someone who, so far, was completely the opposite of the person you’d grown so familiar with.

How were you ever going to get used to the mint eyes, which used to look at you so tenderly, suddenly glaring down at you like this? How had things changed?  _ Why _ had they changed? Your situation had already been impossible. Now, what chance did you have?

You were close to falling apart. A breakdown brewing inside of your stormy mind, trying to force entry into your mind and reduce you to the mess of emotions that you’d been stuffing into an already too-full drawer. Your head was beginning to ache, sore as a result of the rigidity in the muscles of your shoulders and neck. The world seemed inhumanely cruel at that moment, like all of the forces of the universe were conspiring against you, trying to tear you to shreds. And it was almost succeeding, you realized as your stomach churned with nausea.

This man would watch you fall apart. He would relish in it; enjoy the show before tossing you away for good.

What would come, then?

A series of rapping sounded from the door.

You had never been so glad to be interrupted. The man grit his teeth instantly, visibly growing frustrated as his head turned toward the metal gateway that was keeping you trapped with him. You found you could breathe just a little bit easier when his eyes weren’t on you.

_ “Saeran, _ ” The Savior’s voice sounded from the other side of the door. “There’s work to be done. Finish up quickly.”

Instantly, the look of frustration seemed to wash away considerably. You, on the other hand, only grew more displaced. The Savior’s voice evoked something from inside of you, and another connection was made in your head. 

_ Saeran. _

You’d heard that name before. 

  
This man in front of you was the very same person that Seven had been so worried about. This was the reason that Ray had gotten so angry after you’d participated in the chatroom earlier. He knew who Saeran was, but he would never have told you. 

  
No wonder Ray kept so quiet.

_ Ray? Saeran? _

The same person had two names and two personalities.

You thought that you had gotten to know Ray so well, but you had been so wrong that your chest hurt. Your heart was pounding in your ears, resonating with the dull aching of your head.

What in the hell had been going on here?

“Yes, Savior,” Saeran called. “I’ll be out soon.”

The way his tone changed in addressing the Savior did nothing to ease any of your worries. With every passing second, you were being reintroduced to the volatility of your predicament. Trouble was standing in front of you, personified through a person who you thought you had grown to know very well. Saeran screamed danger, and your mind was still reeling with the shock of his sudden appearance and all of the implications that followed.

You had never expected this.

But had your expectations really ever mattered?

Saeran stepped back, the distance allowing you the liberty to finally breathe again. Your nerves were buzzing with bright red sirens, urging you to run away despite the fact that you had absolutely nowhere to go.

“I’ll finish up with you later,” Saeran’s eyes remained on you, and his glare seemed to have lessened somewhat. “Though I don’t want to share my space, especially not with someone who makes me as sick as you do, the Savior still thinks there’s some value to you. I’ll teach you your place before too long, understand?”

Mint eyes stared at you, agitated and demanding. Remembering his earlier outburst at being ignored, you forced yourself to nod, still gripping the edge of the desk. Your neck felt stiff, your movements forced and uncomfortable, but it seemed to suffice.

A slight upward twist to his lips, though far from reassuring, at least allowed you to understand that this response was far more acceptable than the last one. 

“Good,” Saeran turned away, and the distance between the two of you grew as he approached the door. “You shouldn’t think that this room is yours, because it’s not. I won’t let you walk all over me like Ray does. Try it, and you’ll see what happens to people who cross me. Don’t think you’re so great because you took advantage of a weakling. Anyone could do that.”

Your chest was constricting at his implications. For some reason, the idea that Saeran genuinely seemed to think that you were just exploiting Ray hurt more than you thought it would.

Maybe you had been taking advantage of Ray’s affections towards you at the beginning. What other choice did you really have at the time? When you’d tried to reject Ray, he had crumbled into a mess of desperate shouting and salty tears. So you had to pretend. But your feelings for Ray had turned genuine a long time ago. You couldn’t pinpoint when exactly things had changed, but they had. You truly liked Ray, despite everything that he had done to you. You had tried to convince him to escape because you knew that the outside world was safer for him. Ray was good and genuinely kind- there was a place for him outside of Magenta. You believed that with your entire heart. 

But you could never admit that aloud. Especially not to Saeran. You had spoken with him for mere minutes, but you got the distinct, very strong impression that he would not take kindly to you challenging him or his authority. You were afraid of his reaction, and even more afraid of where you would end up if you weren’t careful enough.

This was  _ nothing _ like the fear you had experienced with Ray when you first met him. You were scared, but not in the same way. This felt more primal. The threat of physical danger without an escape, without the small sanctuary you had formed with Ray, was far too real. It loomed overhead like a dark accumulation of rainclouds, thick and puffy, ready to burst at any moment.

“Oh!” You glanced back up at Saeran. His eyes were on you again, accompanied by a strange grin that seemed far from friendly. “I have an idea. While I’m gone, why don’t you try and think of a way that you could be useful for me? You’re not an assistant if you just sit around, right?”

Your heart was pounding, eyes widened, completely stunned as Saeran’s gaze pinned you in place.

Was this a joke?

“Yeah, that’ll be fun! Try it, and see what happens if you fail,” his voice had the same sing-song quality to it, words slightly drawn out like he was trying to unnerve you with faux cheer. “Have fun shivering alone in here, doll.”

You couldn’t say a single word.

As the thick metal door shut, the lock securing itself with a resounding click, you felt your legs turn to jelly beneath you, forcing you to unceremoniously slump to your knees, the breath that you’d been holding finally falling from your lips as a series of frenzied quivers. Instantly, the weight of your situation fell upon you like a tumbe of heavy stones, threatening to crush you without mercy.

_ Bad. _ This was bad.

This was really bad.

You could hardly think. Your hands raised on their own to grip the sides of your head, hot with the anxiety that had been set free, and you felt all of the dams inside you finally finish cracking, crumbling to little more than rubble and dust. Your shoulders shook and your eyes began to sting, your thoughts clouded by the despair that filled every crevice of your exhausted body. Logic and ration disappeared, leaving you with no other option than to surrender to panic.

You hardly understood a single thing that had just happened. What little you did know wasn’t enough to instruct you on what to do or how to fix the calamity that had just befallen you.

You knew that Ray and Saeran were the same person- but also that somehow, they were two separate beings _.  _ You knew that Saeran was the one who had been tormenting you over text. You knew that he was the one who Ray had been so afraid of. And after meeting him, you finally understood why he was afraid.

But that was the  _ only _ thing you understood. 

You didn’t know how to make sense of what had just happened. Ray was now absent, and his place had been taken by somebody who didn’t care for the kindness that Ray had been showing you. 

Ray’s strange mood lately- his anger and volatility, the time he spent spacing out like his thoughts were wandering far out of reach- it made a lot more sense in hindsight. 

A shudder wracked through your body.

The Savior had told you that there was a possibility that you could still serve a purpose at Mint Eye. Was this what she had meant? 

It was no secret that you hardly qualified as an assistant. You had given up on programming in less than a month. The laptop that had been yours was rarely used, usually turned off and abandoned on the desk. Ray never forced you to work. There wasn’t much you could do anyways; his duties were classified and you weren’t trusted with any sensitive information. 

So when the Savior said that you were still useful, you had known all along that she didn’t mean that she expected you to finally start doing your job. Was this what she had in mind instead? Were you supposed to stick around just to be tormented by somebody who was, but  _ wasn’t _ the one person you had come to truly care for?

Were you supposed to sit and watch as the same mint eyes that used to gaze at you so tenderly now twisted with glee as you squirmed beneath insults and ridicule?

Your nails dug into the cotton of your shirt, pinching into your flesh. The slight sting was just enough to keep you rooted in reality, a thread frayed so badly that it was near snapping.

How were you supposed to handle something like this? The workroom, though far from comfortable, was supposed to at least be somewhat safe. It was supposed to be a small pocket, separating you from the rest of the Believers. This room was the closest thing you would get to an escape from Magenta. Now it was anything but. 

And the one other person you had trusted was gone, safe but too far away to help you. You were left to grapple with this completely alone. 

Your shoulders trembled, jaw clenched so tightly that your neck was beginning to cramp. But it wasn’t until you heard the unlocking of the door once again that you scrambled to your feet so quickly that the world spun in circles around you, launching you into a pit of intense dizziness and nausea. 

You could hardly breathe. Even as the door opened and revealed a pair of robed Believers, your newfound tormentor nowhere to be found, you were unable to relax. You felt cornered and exposed, completely vulnerable. As one of the Believers walked right past you, grabbing your wheeled chair and pulling it out of the room, the other remained standing by the doorway as if to block any escape. You stood at complete attention, your every muscle rigid and alert, like you were ready to launch into a sprint at a second’s notice. Your legs tingled with the urge to run, but your mind ran rampant with reasons why that was a bad idea. 

_ I don’t know where the exit is. I can’t pass the Believers. I don’t have a key.  _

_ I don’t know where to go.  _

_ If they find me, they’ll kill me.  _

_ They’ll kill me.  _

_ They’ll  _ kill  _ me.  _

“Mr. Saeran has ordered us to remove your belongings,” the Believer by the door spoke, and as you snapped back to the present, you realized that you had been staring at him with wide eyes for the entirety of his time by the doorway. 

Did he think you were looking for an explanation?

You didn’t care. You didn’t care about that chair, or about the laptop that was now being confiscated as well. You didn’t care about  _ why  _ they were doing this to you. You just wanted it to stop. 

_ I want to run.  _

_ But I don’t want to die.  _

The argument ran rampant inside your head, a cacophony of thoughts spiraling far out of your control. As the last of your belongings were being removed, the small comfort items you had accumulated being stolen away from you, the familiarity you felt towards the workroom began to wane as well. You felt a frigidity that you hadn’t felt since your first day. The gray walls were barer than before, the ice in the air twice as sharp, and the weight upon your chest heavier than you could ever remember it being.

You were being erased. 

The glimmer of the flourescent lighting in the hallway was calling your name, and you began to debate your options once again.

Would you die, even if you didn’t run? Who was to say that this wouldn’t end with your disappearance, even if you did everything that was expected of you? Who was to say that this new tormenter would play fair when everything that was happening to you was anything but?

You  _ had  _ to run. 

But the second that thought crossed your mind, the door was tugged shut again, sealing you inside to sit on a conclusion that you had come to far too late. And now, not only were you abandoned within four walls that grew smaller with every passing second, pulsating as they closed in on you, but everything that was yours was removed. Your laptop, your chair- everything but your bed and phone was gone. 

_ You _ were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way I'm SO SORRY for updating late- especially after such a dramatic cliffhanger. These last two weeks have been chaotic and extremely stressful, and the chapter would have been really bad if I posted it on time. When considering how important this was to the story I really wanted to get it right, so thank you so much for waiting an extra week <3 I really appreciate it.
> 
> That being said, I really hope I wrote Saeran well! I tried really hard to keep him in character, but when reading this remember that the Reader is not MC, so his reactions with her will be slightly different. Things will escalate for sure, so expect everything to get worse before it gets better. I hope this was still a good read!
> 
> Again, my last two weeks were quite bad. I won't get personal or anything, but I'll say that my environment is quite tumultuous and tends to be a bit unpredictable, and I was really having a tough time recently. Your comments all motivated me quite a lot, so an extra big thank you to everyone who read, commented, and gave kudos- it meant a lot to me, especially given the nature of my mindset recently. Every encouraging word uplifts me more than I could describe. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone for reading, and sorry again for the long wait (and the slightly shorter chapter). I hope for things to get back on track, but I may take a bit more than a week to update until things get a bit better. I want to write more than anything, so I will, but the writing has to be quality first. So thank you so much for everyone's understanding and patience. I hope you're all well! Please take care and have a wonderful week!!


	23. Gunmetal Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you experience a cacophony of conflicting feelings and struggle to find your place after a drastic change in circumstances.

You passed the next few hours in limbo.

You hadn’t felt quite this disconnected from the world around you since first coming to Magenta. For months, when you’d lived by yourself, isolated from everyone around you, you had become content with living a life where you were barely present. You could see the world around you. You could perceive it, exist within it, even acknowledge it, but to some degree it never seemed quite real. You were a bystander in a world of your own creation, a spectator in a play going horribly wrong.

You could touch your surroundings, but you couldn’t feel them. You could see your apartment and everything inside, but the slights blended together into something completely unrecognizable, a smear of what once was. You could hear the music you played through your headphones, but it didn’t ever really register, failing to evoke the same feelings as before. It was like you were only a fraction of what you were expected to be. You were alive, but not the way other people were. You merely existed, and some days you couldn’t even do that much.

But it hadn’t been like that at the beginning. You had thought you were doing something good for yourself- taking charge of your own life, setting boundaries. But your boundaries had become walls, caging you in and keeping others out, denying them entry until they left, turning their heads with a final, angry shout. One day, everything you thought you could rely on was worlds away, visible to you only through a coating of clear resin.

You weren’t even sure if you’d noticed that things had taken such a strange turn at the time. It had happened so gradually that you never really noticed until it was far too late to turn anything back. There had been times where you doubted whether or not you really wanted to return to your old state of being, because letting people back in after so long left you petrified. You weren’t sure if you were capable of enacting such a large change; you lacked energy, motivation, and support. You didn’t enjoy your life in the slightest, especially not when it began to truly crumble around you, but you also didn’t hate it enough to take action.

You just let yourself exist. That was enough at the time.

But coming to Magenta had changed all of that. The fear that you’d felt when talking to Ray and the Savior had been so strong that it reeled you back into your surroundings so hard that you got whiplash. Your walls of monotony and disillusion disappeared so quickly that you were stripped bare, left vulnerable to a world that wouldn’t hesitate to destroy you completely. You weren’t just afraid- you were so terrified that you fell apart. You stumbled. You couldn’t adjust to a change so sudden and so malicious. You had spent months of your life simply existing, with no motivation or drive to do any better. You had been living a life of little effort, and you had become content with not having to try. Then, within the span of a few days, you found yourself having to put all of your concentration into ensuring that you didn’t get yourself killed. You were forced to consider every word, every action before allowing it entry to reality. You became paranoid, hyper-aware of all of your surroundings and the people you passed. You couldn’t be complacent if you wanted to stay alive and, despite the monotony of your life, you had never truly wanted to die.

It had just taken something unbelievably terrible for you to realize that.

For everything horrible that Mint Eye had done to you, it brought you back to reality in a way that you never expected anything could. It had taken months for you to learn how to handle the intensity with which you experienced your world. Through being forced into a life of terror and danger, you had become tethered to the ground beneath you, existing so much that it almost hurt. Through all of the emotions you were forced to experience again- the anger, the terror, even the profound sympathy and sadness for Ray- you slowly became a person again. Despite the cruelty of Magenta, you had moved forward in your own way.

Now, for the first time in a month and a half, you felt like you were taking a few steps back. Meeting Saeran and having the small things you found comfort in taken away from you stripped away the pieces of the identity that you’d forged. You had never had much, but now you had nothing.

Even if the person that you’d become at Magenta was constituted of a myriad of lies, some small and some big, the identity had given you some semblance of comfort. It wasn’t exactly  _ you, _ but it was enough for you to latch onto. It was a vehicle, connecting you to the world once again, and you hadn’t wanted to let it go, despite how much you struggled because of it. You could be this person, who was capable of surviving calamity after calamity, and trust that if you had made it through this much, you could make it through whatever was yet to come.

But with everything stolen from you, every trace of the person you’d become forcibly removed from you, you felt empty. Logically, you knew that none of it was truly important. That chair, your laptop- they weren’t really you. They were just empty things that you had grown attached to.

At the same time, though, they had somehow served as a tangible proof of your existence. In a world that had forgotten you, left you behind to bleed, the traces of your existence at Magenta had become a way of reaffirming your existence. Somehow, you had been surviving this disaster, and that belief had become an undeniable part of who you were.

Not only had that been stolen away from you, but it had been stolen with the intent of reducing you to someone unworthy of the bare minimum. You were supposed to feel small and defeated; that had been the entire point.

And it was working.

So you sat in your room, staring at the wall, and allowed the world to swirl in and out around you, melting into a cacophony of indecipherable colors and sights. 

If you closed your eyes, you thought, it wouldn’t take much effort to convince yourself that you were back in your shitty, moldy apartment with grotesque shadows and rooms that stifled you. That apartment had fostered a strange emptiness that had permeated your soul, and it was rearing its ugly head once more.

It was a disappointing defeat. The fear that you’d nearly drowned in after meeting Saeran was enough to knock you off balance. You had already been incredibly exhausted, confused, and paranoid. You wondered if he had known that and timed his entrance accordingly. Saeran’s threats and the loss of Ray, the one person you’d come to truly care for, had been just enough to push you off of the edge of the precipice you’d been sitting at for weeks.

The cotton of your shirt didn’t feel quite right beneath your fingertips. It wasn’t truly there in the way it should have been. It wasn’t rough beneath your skin or grounding the way that you needed it to be. Your connection to the world was in the process of being severed, and you were torn, unsure whether you should fall into a panic or grow apathetic once more.

_ What a joke. _

Your shoulders rose and fell as you stared at everything and nothing at the same time. You were wallowing, sulking, repeating the very behaviors that had gotten you into this situation in the first place.

You knew it was wrong. You knew that there was no point in dwelling on any of this, despite how consuming your emotions were. You knew that this wasn’t solving anything or making your situation improve in the slightest. If anything, it would just allow for the opportunity for things to get worse, exacerbating an already fragile situation. You weren’t bothering to hide behind a facade like you had when you had first met Ray. Your instability was out in the open for anyone to see, and there was no doubt in your mind that Mint Eye would take advantage of your weakness. They had before, more than once.

But, for the time being, you just couldn’t help yourself.

You were so  _ tired. _ Exhausted, in every sense of the word, suffering a heavy blow that had crushed your chest inwards, shattered your ribs, collapsed your airways, and filled your lungs with a thick coating of plaster dust. 

And breathing hadn’t gotten any easier, even as time slowly started to pass you by again.

The next two days were chaotic in a way you had never before experienced. You had expected that living with Saeran would be different, but you hadn't been quite sure how exactly things would change. 

As usual, you weren’t disappointed. Living with Ray had been easy in more ways than you’d expected; as a hostage, you really weren’t treated as horribly as you could have been. You were trapped, bored, cycling through a range of emotions that consistently left you exhausted, and afraid for your life, but that was it. Your life wasn’t good by any means, but it could have been so much worse.

Saeran seemed to think that you’d had it far too easy. From the first time you’d spoken with him, he’d promised that he would remind you of your place. And he made good on that promise. With nobody to protect you, you were free for him to torment whenever he saw fit. 

The process wasn’t gradual. Saeran was impatient and destructive. When he wanted something to happen, it either happened immediately or there would be consequences. More often than not, you were on the receiving end of those consequences.

Losing your belongings was only the beginning. You’d been allowed to keep your bed and your phone, through which you could only contact Saeran anyways. Saeran was gone more often than Ray, apparently taking part in some of the ceremonies held by the Savior. According to Saeran, this was because Ray was too weak and had problems following through with some of the more violent ceremonies. For some reason, you found yourself unable to doubt that. Usually, though, Saeran still spent the majority of his time in the workroom, battling it out with Seven. 

You hadn’t been given any information about Seven, Miyeon, and V. Though you had been permitted to speak with them through the messenger app once, you hadn’t been given that opportunity again. Saeran didn’t tell you anything, and you were far too anxious to ask. At first, it seemed smarter to just keep quiet and stay out of his way. The threats of being cleansed or otherwise “thrown out” were more than enough incentive for you to make yourself as small as possible. But even that proved to be an ineffective strategy.

Whenever Saeran was upset about something, you would bear the brunt of his outbursts. Whether it was out of convenience or because you actually made him that angry, you didn’t know. He had no issues bursting into your room to drag you out of whatever corner you were hiding in. 

Sometimes, certain things that you did seemed not to bother Saeran. Other times, they infuriated him. No two instances were ever the same, and there was no predictability. You were completely in the dark, struggling to placate someone so unstable that consistency seemed impossible.

You had no way of winning, and maybe that was the point. 

You weren’t sure how you were going to get yourself out of this situation. Your every move was being watched and you had no way of communicating the urgency of your situation with anyone. Your comrades were gone, and you were facing this danger by yourself. Never before had you felt the weight of your isolation as much as you did now.

Your hope was just that you could stick it out until the RFA came back for you. You didn’t like that you had to put your hopes in people you didn’t know, but it was the only option available to you. There was a constant fear swimming in the back of your mind, telling you that the RFA may not ever come for you. But you couldn’t lose yourself in that fear because if you completely gave up hope, you knew that you would never be able to gain it back again.

You spent your time running yourself in circles, tormented by the same train of thoughts playing on repeat.

It had only been a day and a half. You kept yourself combined to your bedroom as much as you could, existing alongside the wilted flowers that Ray wasn’t able to switch out anymore. It hadn’t been long, but you already felt like your brain was beginning to rot away. Your mind was unstimulated outside of a constant, ever-present fear, and it was wearing you down very quickly. 

You were surrounded by a thick silence, draping its arms over your shoulders and crushing you slowly. According to your phone, you were already hours into the night. The sun would have been beyond the Western horizon at this point, splaying the night sky with a consistent dark blue, dotted with stars the signs of pinpricks. 

You tried to imagine the night sky, clear and cloudless, surrounding the curvature of the moon. The picture in your mind put you back into the park, and you briefly wondered what your life would have turned into had you never come to Magenta. Would you still be spending your nights outside, fingertips splayed across the wooden park bench that you had slept on for those three nights?

That thought had been consuming you for the better part of the day. It was like your mind was willing to take hold of anything and elevate it into something more, turning a thought into a faux physical experience just to give you the stimulation that you so desperately craved.

If you thought that being stuck in your chair all day with Ray was bad, this was on a completely new level. The grey walls were dark and dreary, and the dead flowers in the room only further dampened your mood.

It wasn’t until you heard a curse and a slam on the desk, just beyond your closed door, that you snapped back into reality with a jump, the noise startling you so much that your stomach lurched into your throat. You could feel your heart thumping just beneath your ribcage, like it was trying to prepare you for a confrontation that had not yet happened. 

You kept still, muscles rigid and breathing momentarily halted, trying to both listen in and keep quiet. 

_ “Damn it!” _ Saeran’s voice was harsh, filled with barely-contained rage. “Damned redhead-!”

You remained quiet, listening so closely to the commotion that your surroundings seemed to fall out of focus. You doubted that you would hear anything worthwhile, but you couldn’t help trying anyways.

As expected, though, you heard nothing else from him. After a few minutes of silence you leaned back into the headboard of your bed, twiddling your fingers together and descending back into your own head.

It wasn’t often at all that you found similarities between Saeran and Ray. They were different in almost every conceivable way, sometimes so much that your head would spin. But if there was anything that they shared, it was a burning rage and hatred for the redheaded hacker of the RFA. 

Ray had never downplayed his anger toward Seven, but Saeran was even more expressive about it. You had heard cursing, the sound of a fist hitting the desk, and other such angry noises from the other side of the door regularly. Every time you heard him speak, you would try to tune in and glean any further information, but you never did. Saeran was far less meticulous than Ray, but he was far from stupid.

You supposed you should have just been thankful that Saeran wasn’t turning his anger toward you. 

It was awful enough that you had to worry about such a thing in the first place. But so many of your worst fears had started to come true that you weren’t sure what else the world would throw at you anymore.

It was best to be ready for even the most outlandish possibilities, because you weren’t sure how many more times you could handle getting violently knocked off of your feet again. 

* * *

The door was violently thrown open, and some of the familiar blue light from the monitors flooded into the entrance of your room. You shot up, sitting up straight on your bed, where you had been trying and failing to rest. The blankets had been far from comforting, and the cold in the room seemed to have settled inside of you permanently. But the second you saw Saeran entering the room, all of that faded away into the background.

Mint eyes fell on you, narrowing in on your figure with a strange, burning intensity. Instantly, your heart fell into your stomach and a wave of adrenaline shot into your blood. Your heart sped up, muscles going rigid like you were prepared to leap up and maneuver past Saeran and out of the door.

That wasn’t an option, though, and neither was hiding. There was nowhere for you to go. You knew very well that there was no escaping whatever was in store for you this time.

“I didn’t take you for someone  _ this _ lazy,” Saeran snapped at you, eyebrows narrowing into a glare. “Is an assistant’s job to just lay around?”

Though you had come to expect the harsh words, they never failed to throw you for a loop. Transitioning from sitting in silence to being overloaded with threatening stimuli always sent you spinning in circles and ready to fight back should you need to.

Fiery words were bubbling in your throat but you bit them back, letting them fester and boil against your tongue and the inside of your cheeks.

Saeran was less than pleased by your lack of response. He strode forward and, before you could jerk away, he took hold of your upper arm and yanked you off of the bed, pushing you to your feet. You stumbled just a little bit, the sudden upright position disorienting you enough to slightly delay the regaining of your footing.

Without thinking, you pulled your arm away, a wordless rejection of being so roughly shoved around, and wrenched out of his hold. The second you were free you took a step back, cementing yourself in place.

Saeran’s face twisted further into a scowl at your blatant attempt at fighting back. As if in response to your backing away, Saeran took a step forward and the distance that you had created was suddenly lessening again. Something about his presence was heavy, domineering as it followed you and loomed over your shoulders, and you found yourself wanting to shrink away. A slow but steady frustration was beginning to bloom in the corners of your mind, mingling with the fear that had been keeping you going for so long. The exhaustion that you had been building up for the last month and a half was beginning to boil over, and your frayed mind was struggling to keep it under control. You were sick of being herded around like an animal, of being caged in, taken advantage of, and left behind to deal with these messes by yourself.

_ I never wanted this. _

Common sense flying out of the window, you were left only with a desire to keep Saeran from getting what he wanted. You didn’t want to keep giving in, to keep fueling this belief that you were weak and malleable, even if you were.

You couldn’t submit to him this easily. Not only was that exactly what Saeran wanted, but it still wouldn’t be enough. He would still search you out to antagonize and humiliate you, and ultimately you would lose your dignity for absolutely nothing.

So backing away was suddenly becoming easier and easier, fueled by your own personal brand of vindictive frustration.

Even at the beginning, you had never let Ray win completely. You had cherry-picked your words and responses, allowing him to think that you had submitted. But, cloaked beyond a facade of indifference and cooperation, you had been scheming from the very beginning. You had never planned to truly integrate yourself into Mint Eye, but you had known that lying was necessary to ensure your own safety. Now, though, you didn’t have it in you to hide your intentions anymore.

You didn’t  _ want _ to play along anymore. You refused to give up your dignity.

Saeran may have stolen the few things you’d come to cherish in this place, but he could never take something that even Ray hadn’t gotten his hands on. The secrets that you’d kept close were all that you had to count on anymore.

“Where are you trying to go?” Saeran demanded, his voice rising so suddenly that your ears began ringing. A high-pitched, continuous noise that bored into your skull and settled in your head. 

Your heart was thrumming like a hummingbird, and it was making breathing harder and harder with every passing second. You couldn’t find the words to answer, the whirlwind in your head sucking everything up and leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. A scattered mess of debris and mismatched emotions were splayed out across your mind.

You didn’t inherently want to be difficult, but another part of you refused to keep on submitting when you knew that it wouldn’t do you any good anyway. If you completely let go of yourself in a futile attempt to placate Saeran and the Savior, you would still lose. If you gave up what little you had left, you would remain as nothing but a shell of the persona that you’d built up since coming to Mint Eye.

Though you knew that Saeran would react poorly to being ignored, you still jumped when a shout forced its way out of his mouth.

“Didn’t I tell you to learn your place?” Saeran spat, glare deepening as he took another step forward, driving you farther back into the room. “I asked you a  _ question! _ ”

Your mouth was dry. Your head was aflame, a tropical storm raging with winds blowing fast enough to make you feel slightly dizzy. Mint eyes stared you down like they were trying to singe you away- erase you from the room without a trace.

You had to speak, before things escalated any further.

“I don’t want to fight back,” you managed, your voice far from stable. “But what am I supposed to do when somebody throws me around like that?”

Wrong answer.

There was hardly a twitch before Saeran suddenly launched forward, hand grabbing your arm in the same place as before, like he was trying to prove a point. He yanked you forward with such force that you nearly crashed into him, only just stopping your trajectory by digging your heels into the ground. He was far too close _ , _ so much so that you could smell the hint of cologne that he seemed to adopt, so different from the floral scent that accompanied Ray.

It was sharper, much more defined, and it made a statement.

“You do  _ nothing! _ ” Saeran shouted. His breath ghosted across your face as he leaned so closely into you that you physically felt your bubble of personal space pop, leaving you exposed and vulnerable. “You stay where you are and squirm! You don’t move an inch by yourself, understand? The weak don’t deserve to fight back!”

You were overcome by a sudden, anxiety-fueled rage as blue flames glared at you with the strength of a thousand suns. You remained rigid, leaning your torso backwards if only to escape the intensity of his screaming. 

Your head was beginning to ache, ears ringing as they suffered an unfair assault. You didn’t know whether you wanted to lash out and shove your offender back or to crawl away and shield yourself in some inconspicuous corner of the room. Ultimately, though, neither of those options would prove worthwhile. Words wouldn’t get you out of this, but neither would moving. You were locked in place, like a rat in a labyrinth without an exit.

“ _ Useless, _ ” Saeran spat, fingers digging into the flesh of your arm with such strength that it began to pulsate with a sharp ache. “You’re stupid. Good for nothing.”

A barrage of insults flew at you like a dam had broken, allowing icy water to swirl around your ankles and splash at your legs, threatening to rise up and swallow you whole.

You wouldn’t have this much about anybody’s words if the situation were different. You had been the subject of ridicule quite often before coming to Mint Eye, especially in the few days that you were homeless. The employees at the cafe, the gas station attendant that watched you enter the restroom every day to freshen up however you could, passers-by who couldn’t see past your wrinkled clothes and disheveled appearance- they all had something to say about you. Even the last few people that had known you personally didn’t leave quietly. They had stormed off and slammed the door behind them with curses and insults that went in one ear and out the other.

You didn’t care. You didn’t care about them, and you didn’t care about their words.

But something about those bright, mint eyes and silver hair with pink-frosted tips had burrowed deep into your heart, nestling in the areas of warmth that you had kept safe from the rest of the world. Ray’s smile, his hands on your cheeks and thumbs ghosting across your knuckles, the words he whispered to you and the genuine affection that he gave to you so easily- it was all precious to you. Ray hadn’t treated you right but somehow, he’d been kinder to you than most other people in your life, and you had come to care about him deeply.

To see those same eyes, that same face, the same voice hard with anger, spitting out malicious insults one after the other hurt more than you had expected. Saeran looked at you like he wanted to destroy you, to crush you from the inside out. You couldn’t see any traces of affection anymore.

It  _ hurt. _

You knew that the person in front of you wasn’t Ray. You were reminded every time you looked at him, every time he spoke, that he wasn’t the same person you had come to care for so much. Everything was so different that it was almost comical. His movements were sharper, clumsier in their haste, his words far more targeted and cruel than Ray’s. 

But when you looked at him, faced with the same physical attributes of someone who you cared about so much, speaking to you so maliciously that your stomach curdled, a part of you wanted to wither away. You wanted to shut your eyes as tightly as you could, clamp your hands over your ears, and curl away until the calamity that was plaguing you finally ceased.

But you couldn’t.

A part of you wondered, briefly, if Ray could see you through those hate-filled eyes, too.

“Why would he bring someone like you here?” Saeran continued, the words tumbling out of his mouth in perfect succession. “You’re not an assistant. You don’t do anything to help because you’re not capable. Now I’m stuck here, cleaning up the mess you’ve both made.”

While what Saeran was saying wasn’t objectively false, it was still terribly unfair. Your cheeks grew warm with anger. The frustration you had kept locked away bubbled up again with renewed vigor and you flew into action, interrupting his monologue with one of your own.

“I didn’t want to come here either,” you interjected, arm smarting beneath Saeran’s vice-like grip. “I didn’t want to be trapped in a room like this. From the very beginning, I wasn’t given a choice. This was decided for me before I even knew!”

_ Shut up. _

If Saeran wanted you gone so badly, you could oblige. If you had a way of getting to the exit, you could have walked right out into the world and made your escape, running with all of your might until you reached civilization again. You didn’t care where you went afterwards. But this- the jerking back and forth, the constant confusion, the pendulum that swung you around with such force that you felt deflated- it was all becoming too much. A weight was crushing your chest, cracking your ribs and crushing your lungs. For the first time, some of the words that you’d kept stuffed inside you for so long began to spill right out of your mouth, betraying you completely.

“If you don’t want me here, let me go,” you pleaded.

_ Don’t. _

Once you started, you couldn’t stop. The fog in your mind was thick and hazy, like strings of bitter cotton-candy, surrounding you and compromising your judgment past the point of saving it. Your voice was unfamiliar to you. It was desperate, loud, and unstable.

“You won’t have to deal with me anymore,” you pushed, your eyes searching his as if trying to convey your sincerity. “I swear, I’ll leave and never come back.”

_ Stop. _

You hadn’t begged like this once since arriving. It was like something had snapped.

You read Saeran’s response immediately. He was silent, looking down at you, the gears in his eyes turning. He didn’t immediately react, leaving you hyper-aware of the seconds dragging by.

It wasn’t until his lips quirked upward into a sneer that you realized that you had, indeed, made a huge mistake.

Saeran had gotten under your skin. Your lips had loosened too much.

“I knew it,” Saeran finally let go of your arm and you pulled it away from him. You took a step back, your hand flying up to knead at the abused flesh of your arm. You focused on Saeran, your breathing increasing and head beginning to spin.

Even the air in the room seemed to have changed. All of the time that you had spent alone in your makeshift bedroom over the last day had felt stale and monochrome, like a grey limbo that kept you trapped within your thoughts. Now, though, the mixture of regret and fear that surrounded you was so pungent that the air sprung back to life, buzzing around like countless winged insects.

“I knew you were lying to him,” Saeran continued, his smirk only growing larger. “Every pretty word out of your mouth was nothing more than a lie to placate him, wasn’t it? Now that he’s gone, you’re just begging to get out of here and leave him behind.”

_ No. _

He was wrong.

You didn’t respond. You didn’t know if you could. 

“Someone like you doesn’t belong here,” Saeran continued. “You’ve come from a world that let you think you had the right to choose. Do you think that just because you say the right things, I’ll do what you want?”

Saeran’s tone sent a wave of nerves coursing through your stomach, like little bees brandishing their stingers and lighting you aflame. He took a step forward, and you took one back, trying to maintain the distance that you had just gained. 

“You walked straight into this place, doll,” Saeran continued to approach you who, in response, continued to back up until you finally hit the wall. “That was the easy part. Getting out is a lot harder.”

Even though you couldn’t back up any further, Saeran’s advances didn’t stop. You pushed yourself into the wall with such force that your back strained, your eyebrows pushed into a frown as Saeran stalked towards you. In just a second he had invaded your space, only a hair’s width away from you. Hints of the same cologne curled into your head, accompanied by the warmth he emanated, as familiar as it was threatening.

Your heart thundered in your chest.

_ Too close. _

“You’re already here, aren’t you? I might as well have some fun with you,” Saeran stared straight into your eyes, looking at you so intently that you didn’t dare breathe. “You can be useful that way.”

It felt like you were reaching a strange climax. Your earlier melancholy had been completely chased away, replaced by a whirlwind of anxiety and frustration, intermingling into a mass of emotions that you couldn’t untangle. It plagued you, suffocating you from within like a pillow of smoke that coated your airways. Something was poking and prodding at your insides and trying to entice you to move recklessly, to put yourself in harm’s way by moving and getting as far away as you could.

But you  _ couldn’t. _ You were stuck in place, without a place to escape to, unable to do anything about the flames inside of you that had gone from a kindling to a wildfire in mere seconds. You had no choice but to swallow the storm inside of you, despite how much it clawed at your throat, begging for you to lower your guards again.

You were trapped.

“I’m not a toy.” 

Your words were far from convincing. They weren’t loud and desperate like your previous response, watered down to a lackluster counter.

It was overwhelming. You hadn’t been ready for this.

“You’re whatever I want you to be,” Saeran seemed to be absolutely relishing in your discomfort, pushing just a little bit closer. You pressed the back of your head into the wall, too afraid to breathe, like the rising and falling of your shoulders would put you too close to him. “If you can’t be an assistant, you might as well be useful some other way, don’t you think?”

Your jaw was wired shut, muscles taut and rigid. The flames would not dwindle.

“Or, would you rather I get rid of you?” Saeran’s question was a clear mockery of your situation, drawn-out with faux gaiety. “When I say that, I don’t mean I’ll just open up the door and let you leave. Do you remember the basement?”

Cold stone walls glinted in your memory. The musty smell, chemical vomit, and icy fingertips ghosting across your clammy skin. That cell where you had spend the duration of your initiation was the setting of many of your recent nightmares.

Even now, you weren’t sure how long you had been down there. The minutes and hours had ghosted together, melting into an indecipherable amount of time that passed you by in your moments of illness and distress. The altered sense of reality that you experienced had rattled you deeply, shaken something in your core that hadn’t ever really gone back to normal.

You would never forget that place. You would never forget the fear that you had felt at that time. Your first glance at true terror had been in that small cell. The hands of strangers held you in place without mercy as the Savior forced the elixir down your throat, burning the inside of your mouth and esophagus like battery acid, melting you from the inside out. Even now, if you thought about it for even a second, you could have sworn that the remnants of chemical residue remained between your teeth, nestled in the crevices of your mouth.

You hadn’t ever really been the same since then. You had never felt that much like something less than human- like discarded trash.

You would  _ never _ forget that basement. 

The look in your eyes must have given Saeran your answer. The glee in his eyes did nothing but turn your stomach inside out.

“I can throw you back in there,” he offered. “You can squirm and cry in the dark, waiting by yourself until I decide to come and cleanse you myself. That could be fun, don’t you think?”

The barely-concealed mockery in Saeran’s voice was apparent. Your jaw clenched, eyebrows having furrowed into a glare thrown recklessly at your tormenter, like you were silently trying to rebel. You knew that talking back was a death sentence, especially after having already riled him up so much. Every time you challenged Saeran’s authority over you he reacted with unparalleled rage, aggressively putting you back in place. You didn’t want to remain on the receiving end of constant humiliation, but you knew that you couldn’t remain complacent forever.

Before Mint Eye, you would never have known that a part of you this angry existed. It was a completely new side of you, unexplored and ripe with potential for bad endings. You smouldered with the desire to defend yourself, to keep yourself safe from somebody who wanted nothing more than to tear you to the ground. 

Saeran’s lips remained twisted upwards into a sneer as he watched you glare up at him. Something about his nonchalance only made your frayed composure slip even more.

He was close.  _ Too close. _ You could hardly breathe. It was like his presence was pushing against you, chasing away your freedom and autonomy without having to exude any effort. Ray was controlling but Saeran was domineering, comfortable in his anger, and clearly enjoying the feeling of being above you. 

You should have run when you had the chance, you thought. Maybe you wouldn’t have gotten far, but you would have been doing something.

Now, all you could do was stand silently and take the abuse, wiring your jaw shut and clenching your fists so hard that your jagged, chewed nails pressed into the flesh of your palms. It felt like torture to your mind, which had already been pushed past the point of rationality months ago.

How had things turned around this quickly? How had Saeran been lying beneath the surface for so long, right beneath your nose, without you so much as noticing? Had you really been that blind?

Had he seen everything that had transpired between you and Ray?

_ How much did he know? _

Saeran’s eyes, wild and filled with twisted excitement, neck bent downwards to allow him to loom over you. You caught sight of his red eyelashes curled against pale skin when he blinked, and something about the sight shot a stab of pain straight into your heart.

Thinking about the Savior having you cleansed was one thing.

Thinking about Ray, or Saeran, doing so was something completely different. It hurt.

“That’s what I thought,” he eventually relented and moved away. “You have choices. You can either stay here and do what I tell you to, or you can get thrown back down there and bleed dry. If you want that, try acting out. Maybe I’ll pity you enough to put you out of your misery.”

Even with some of your personal space regained, you still somehow felt violated, exposed in a way you hadn’t wanted to be. You resisted the urge to bring your arms up and wrap them around your torso, too stubborn to consider showing him any weakness. Your head spun but you forced yourself to remain steady.

You wouldn’t let Saeran witness the extent of his effect on you. 

“So?” He prodded, tilting his head at you ever so slightly. “Is that what you want? Do you want me to send you down there, doll?”

Messy strands of pink-frosted hair tousled against his forehead as Saeran moved, bright, mint eyes locked onto you with an intensity that paralleled the way that Ray looked at you. It was as if, at that moment, you were all that existed, but in a way opposite the way you were used to.

Saeran wanted to exploit the control he held over you. He wanted to bend and break you to his will, like you were a toy for him to play with. 

You were aware of your limits. You wanted to be stubborn, you wanted to retain your dignity. But like with Ray, there would be instances where you would have to give in. 

Saeran would make good on his threats. You didn’t doubt that for a second.

“No,” your voice was hard, like drying concrete coating the inside of your throat.

“Then?” Saeran didn’t even blink, the rising excitement in his voice unsettling you further. “You’d rather be an assistant, right? So, play the part.”

You frowned, growing visibly confused. For a few seconds your mind spun in circles, trying to comprehend what exactly Saeran was trying to get you to do. Your heart began thrumming with a new dosage of fear as the seconds dragged on without providing you any answers.

_ Slow. _ You were slow, and you dreaded the anger waiting for you if you weren’t quick to solve the farfetched, mismatched hints you were being given.

When Saeran’s eyebrow twitched, your shoulders tensed.

“ _ Ask me, _ ” he demanded, stressing his words and leaning back in toward you. “Ask me to keep you, and maybe I’ll consider it.”

Your stomach curdled, going sour, and you clenched your teeth with an amount of force you hadn’t expected from yourself. Somehow, Saeran knew exactly how to get under your skin, how to threaten the last few threads of dignity you had been relying on to keep yourself sane. It was hard to tell what you could and couldn’t get away with, but you were afraid to risk making Saeran angry when he was this invested in the situation.

And, really, what choice did you have? You didn’t have any wiggle-room left; you had made far too many mistakes to risk making any more. Not a single person was present who would defend you.

Even Ray was no longer there.

So, although you were so frustrated you felt dizzy, you had no choice but to give into Saeran’s demands. 

“Please,” you forced yourself to speak, voice shaky with barely contained rage. “Don’t send me back there.”

It was far from sincere, but it must have been enough.

Saeran’s grin remained steadfast. The enjoyment in his eyes was almost tangible, crazed and spiteful. His hand raised to your cheek and he patted it once, the action quick and devoid of any traces of affection. You resisted the urge to move away, allowing him to have his way with the hopes that he would just leave.

“We’ll see, doll,” Saeran’s hand retracted again and he grinned at you, wide eyes locked onto your figure like he was trying to take you in completely. “If you do what you’re told, maybe you can stay.”

He was toying with you.

This was nothing but a game, designed for you to lose every time. Even if you did everything Saeran wanted, you realized, it was all a means to the same end. He would never be satisfied with you, because you were never meant to win.

Even when Saeran finally turned around and left, leaving the door wide open, you didn’t move away from the wall. Once he was out of sight, you raised your arms, wrapping them around your torso and digging your fingertips into the flesh of your upper arms. You could hear the wheels of Saeran’s desk-chair as he wheeled it out and sat down, fingers flying over the keyboard in a way so familiar that it hurt.

Not for the first time, your eyes burned with frustration. Your head was hot, stomach queasy and upset, and your chest was stuffed full of emotions that fought amongst each other.

Everything was wrong. Nothing about this was right, and you had no idea how you were going to fix any of this. Even at the very beginning, Ray had been predictable. You hadn’t understood him, and you were finding that you still didn’t, but you understood your position in his life. That had allowed you to act with a semblance of confidence, because you had a safety net to fall back on.

Now, you didn’t have that anymore. You had no idea what Saeran was looking for in you, and you couldn’t emulate that which was unknown to you. Your every movement was a guess, a stab-in-the-dark attempt at trying to understand what he wanted from you, and you failed every single time. You kept falling short, and you worried that your time would come to a fast end no matter what you did.

The wilted flowers at the wall looked down at you, a dark yellow-brown, stems thin like twisted wire, and something in you lurched.

A chill curled around your figure.

Nothing was going right. Something needed to change, and it needed to change fast, because you had the distinct feeling that you were beginning to run out of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, despite the dialogue and action that it does have, is definitely more of a transitional chapter than anything. If it seems slightly emotional or has a lot of flashbacks, that's why. Just wanted to get that out of the way haha.
> 
> Thank you guys again for your patience! Between school, rapidly dwindling mental stability, and a rocky home life, updating has definitely been taking longer, and I appreciate everyone's kind words. It meant a lot to me to receive so much encouragement in the comments, so please know that your words had a huge impact on me. Obviously I won't spill my life story or anything but things have been really tough. This story has been a wonderful outlet and such a great way for me to get out some tough emotions, so I hope that you guys enjoy reading it as it plays a really big role in my life lol.
> 
> That aside, I hope this chapter was okay! It was a tad different than my usual style because, like I said, it's a bit of a transitional chapter. There's a lot going on and Reader has a huge change to adjust to, so I imagine there'd be a fair amount of instability. Saeran is aggressive, chaotic, and outright mean. As much as I enjoy writing for him, I also hope I've been doing him justice. Reader plays a different role here than MC did in the game, and I've tossed a few hints out, so I'm really excited to see what you guys have to say haha.
> 
> A huge thank you to everyone who left Kudos or commented on the last chapter!! Like I said, everyone's comments this last time around really meant a lot to me. I love love love reading your insights and thoughts, because it really lets me know where I am and how my story is coming across. If there's every anything you guys want to say, please feel free to leave a comment!! I love interacting with you guys!
> 
> Please please take care and have a wonderful week. My updates will likely be around every two weeks because that time frame works well for me. Thank you so much for your understanding, as always. Please stay healthy!!


	24. A Tremor in the Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you realize that a change is slowly approaching you from the horizon, but the trembling of the earth beneath your feet threatens its arrival.

You hadn’t quite remembered falling asleep. It came slowly, almost naturally, sneaking up on you. Even after spending nearly twenty-four hours awake, sleep seemed to evade you, dodging out of reach every time you got close. You were wandering in your own personal limbo, exhaustion settling in your weary bones, chasing a respite you could not reach. 

You weren’t even sure if you wanted to sleep. You felt unsafe, uncomfortable since Saeran’s arrival. After the last conversation you’d had with him, he had left the door open. Despite the newfound vulnerability clinging to you with sticky fingers, you dreaded the confrontation that would ensue if you dared shut the door yourself. So the door remained open, destroying any sense of privacy you thought you may have had. The door had acted as a barrier in your mind, providing you with the sense of protection, separating you from the workroom. Even if you knew, deep down, that it was an illusion, it was still something.

And you felt like you didn’t have much recently. You would take all that you could get. 

So when you woke up after having finally fallen asleep, you were, at first, very confused. It took your mind a little while to kickstart, like it had been dragged through thick mud and slowed down almost irreversibly. Your head ached, pulsating with a dull pain that had your eyes feeling like they would pop out of their sockets at any second. You felt heavy and exhausted.

The sleep seemed to have only made you feel worse. 

But, for just a second after waking up, your struggle to catch up had caused you to forget the reality of your situation. At first, all you saw was the familiar ceiling and the glow of computer monitors from the doorway. You felt the cotton of your bedsheets beneath the pads of your fingers, and your mind told you that nothing had changed. Ray was just outside of the door, like always. Your life was the same, haphazard, dangerous normal that you had become so accustomed to. You still had a chance to make things right.

But the second you saw the open door you remembered. Your heart jumped to a start, a quick burst of adrenaline rushing into your veins, and you sat up so fast that your head spun. You went rigid, muscles stiff, exacerbating your headache. You went still immediately, listening closely, trying to catch any traces of life from the other room.

The whirring of the computers was constant, almost like white noise. You had grown used to it over the weeks, falling asleep to it like a lullaby every night. You couldn’t imagine the room without it; complete silence would have been far too loud. So you picked it up immediately, listening past it, and heard nothing else. No fingers dancing across keys, no angry muttering, no desk chair rolling across the floor. There were no signs of life.

You were alone. Saeran wasn’t anywhere near.

You breathed a sigh of relief, deflating. Your shoulders relaxed, the tension in your neck lessening, and you briefly hoped that your headache would abide somewhat, too.

You took a few seconds, sitting still and relishing the moments of peace you were being allowed. As you remained atop your mattress, the warmth of the sheets clinging to you, you couldn’t help feeling somewhat gross. The hours you’d spend in this single room, stuck to your bed, made you feel like you had just been festering like an infected wound. Even the chill in the rooms didn’t seem to truly reach you as it usually did. 

That feeling began to slowly grow stronger and stronger as the seconds ticked past. For a while you remained spaced out, trying to relish in the brief moments of peace, but your distracted mind wouldn’t allow you to truly enjoy your time alone. So eventually, resigned to your fate, you slid off your bed. The floor was solid beneath you, and despite being relatively sure that you were alone, you still approached the workroom carefully. You came to another slow stop by the door frame and peeked around it, eyes wandering across the familiar walls, desk, and file cabinets. If Saeran was there, you wanted to know before you did anything that landed you in trouble.

Nothing. 

You truly were alone. For just a second, you thought, you would be allowed to breathe. 

For the first time in far too long, you stepped out into the workroom on your own. The spot where your chair used to be felt strange and empty, like there was a gaping hole that wouldn’t be filled. You noticed that the desk looked slightly different. Ray usually left the keyboard parallel to the desk, the mouse neatly beside it, but Saeran seemed far more prone to disarray, and the desk reflected that perfectly. It was a manifestation of the chaos that followed him. Small though it was, it was telling, and it unsettled you slightly. 

Besides that little was different. The file cabinets were in their usual spots, undisturbed and locked, and the monitors still boasted a familiar screensaver. A simple, cartoonish eye, flicked out at the edges, stared at you with a brilliant mint iris. 

You nearly shuddered. Something about the sight of it brought forth feelings of deep-seated discomfort. For just a second, you imagined somebody watching you through that glimmering eye. That color, you thought, would never be the same.

You let your eyes wander across the room for just a second longer, standing around awkwardly in the middle of the room. You had nowhere to go and nothing to do. Not even a chair remained for you to sit in, and the idea of using Saeran’s was quickly dismissed. 

Something heavy was descending on your shoulders. You felt like a stranger, an intruder in the one place that you had learned to take comfort in over the last few months. You had hoped that coming back to the workroom would allow you to breathe a little bit easier, but it turned out that you had been mistaken. You felt stifled and suffocated, like the air was artificial and stale.

Still, you weren’t itching to return to your bedroom, either. The dead flowers, sparse furniture, and the volume of your own thoughts were far too much for you to handle.

What you wouldn’t give for that park bench you had so easily abandoned two months ago. The cafe and its music, almost too quiet to hear, felt worlds away from you. 

And maybe it was- you wouldn’t have known. 

You had no idea where you really were.

It wasn’t until you heard the unlocking of the door that you were brought back to reality. It was thrown open with such force that you jumped, momentarily stunned. You instinctually took a small step backwards, ready to launch back into your bedroom but too shocked to actually do so. 

The second you caught sight of silver hair and mint eyes, your heart shuddered in alarm. Before you could retreat, though, Saeran caught sight of you and approached you so quickly that your heart jumped. His hand shot up to grip your upper arm, fingers wrapping around the appendage like a vice, and you were stuck in place. 

“What are you doing in here?” He demanded, so close to you that it took considerable effort not to immediately lean away. “What are you scheming?”

Dumbfounded, your eyebrows drew together into an unsure frown. 

The majority of the time, Saeran’s questions were ambiguous because you never knew what kind of response was expected of you. There were times he wanted answers, and others where you felt he was just speaking for the sake of speaking. It was different with every encounter, the only constant being that you never quite knew. At some point, though, you had decided that speaking was in your best interest. If there was anything that put you under fire, it was ignoring Saeran. The wrath you had endured after staying silent when you weren’t supposed to be was enough to launch you into blindly choosing words from your scrambled brain and stringing them together into haphazard responses. 

This time, though, Saeran began speaking again just as you opened your mouth to reply.

“Forget it,” his frown deepened as he cut his questions short. Mint eyes scanned over you, taking in your appearance, “There’s something more important than that right now. The Savior wants to meet with you.”

Your stomach lurched. A sour taste began to fill your mouth.

The last time that you had spoken with the Savior, she nearly had you killed just to gain the upper hand she felt she’d been losing. You remembered feeling rattled and desperate, scared for your life in a way you never had been before. 

The thought of speaking to the Savior again was far from pleasant.

_ Why? _

“Hell if I know why,” he hissed, letting go of your arm to straighten your collar. The rough tugs jerked you forward slightly and you clenched your jaw in discomfort but refused to react otherwise. “I told her that she’s wasting her time by wanting to speak to you. You’re not ready yet, and you’d just frustrate her.”

You didn’t say a word, even when insult after insult was thrown at you. You stood still, maintaining your silent disposition as Saeran tugged at the tops of your sleeves, straightening out the creases of your shirt. He appeared rushed and frustrated, and you wondered briefly why he cared what you looked like. The attention being shown to your physical appearance brought forth a feeling of intense discomfort. 

_ Too close. _

It was strange, and far too invasive.

While you should have been glad that he wasn’t acting as aggressively, you would have taken his insults over this. When he acted in a way that you didn’t understand, your anxiety only increased. The constant fretting over what was expected from you, debating how to react and fearing his reaction, was far more exhausting than standing and taking a slew of harsh words.

It took too much self-control for you to not pull away from him. Your heart thundered in your chest as you thought about the Savior, previously so confident, now fraying at the seams. There were many things that you had grown used to during your stay at Mint Eye, but the Savior was not one of them. You couldn’t read her, and her growing instability was adding to her unpredictability. Every conversation you had with her was a risk that you were forced to partake in.

You were always anxious when the Savior wanted to speak to you, but now you were missing one of the few comforts that you had come to rely on with Ray. Though you knew his allegiance was primarily to the Savior, you also felt relatively confident that he didn’t want anything bad to happen to you.

With Saeran, that was missing. You were on your own.

No matter where you went, you were interacting with someone who saw you as an enemy. You couldn’t help the foreboding settling deep in your stomach, warning you that everything was at risk of falling apart and crumbling to dust in front of your very eyes. It was so reminiscent of your first few weeks at Mint Eye that deja vu washed over you, so potent that you found yourself momentarily dizzy.

You were in the middle of brewing chaos, and you didn’t have a card to play anymore.

In front of you, Saeran released a frustrated sigh.

“Forget it,” he huffed, finally ceasing his incessant, rough fussing. “Don’t do anything stupid. If you make more messes for me to clean up, you’ll regret it. Understand?”

Mint eyes bored into yours, intense and angry. You nodded almost immediately, answering with a quick, “Yeah.”

Your voice was becoming more and more foreign to you. It sounded strange.

You didn’t like it.

Saeran’s hand gripped your arm in the same spot as usual, fingers digging into your flesh far too tightly. He tugged you alongside him as he swiped his keycard, unlocking the door with a mechanical  _ click _ that echoed through your head like a death sentence. The door was thrown open and you were tugged into the bright, glittering hallways. He walked quickly, consistent anger rushing his steps, and you trailed behind him awkwardly, your arm twisted at a slightly awkward angle.

You let your eyes wander across the hallway, drinking it in like you would never see it again. It was dizzying and bright.

Royal blue curtains fluttered slightly as you walked past them. The hallways were full of Believers, busy as they went about their morning duties, scattering around like throngs of dark smoke. When Saeran would approach, though, they split their groups in the middle to make way. The haste with which they made way was far from surprising, their steps quick and hurried like they were just as afraid of your suited companion as you had been. You didn’t say or do a thing, avoiding eye contact like always, your jaw clenched.

Saeran briefly muttered something under his breath, quiet and indecipherable. His brows were pushed into a familiar frown, though deeper than usual. Irritation swam in his eyes, and for the first time you found yourself grateful that you were being summoned away by the Savior. This wasn’t the break that you had desired, but it was a chance.

You were being pushed around by the winds of a hurricane. Your movements were not your own, but you could try to use them to your advantage. 

If nothing else, you be given some clue as to what was going on outside of Mint Eye. Mentions of the RFA, V, and Miyeon were sparse since Saeran’s arrival, and your thoughts had been centering around them for days. You had felt removed from the world- perhaps you could claw your way back into it.

It was all that you could hope for.

Somehow, the glittery halls of Magenta felt different, just as brilliantly superficial but darker than you had ever seen them. The air felt tense and thick. You had only gone toward the throne room a handful of times, but the hallways had burned themselves into your memory. Every twist and turn, every end table, glass vase, and perfectly plump pink blossom was so familiar to you that you could play it through like a movie. The emotionally charged mindset with which you’d walked down these halls previously had only served to singe them into the back of your eyelids. You could walk this journey in your sleep.

Somehow, you knew so much. You had been held hostage in this building for almost two months, holding hands with your mint-eyed captor as the outside world grew more and more distant. You were a spectator to Mint Eye’s most horrific deeds, watching everything with the eyes of an outsider; a member of regular society. You had maintained the facade of a member for weeks, gathering information and untangling secrets.

Despite all of that, you still had no idea where the exit was.

It was almost comical.

As soon as your eyes landed on familiar, wooden doors, you felt your throat constrict. Suddenly aware of your smallest movements, you tried to keep your breathing under control, hoping to retain whatever parts of your composure still remained. 

It was like the anxiety that accompanied these meetings had become automatic, preparing you for a disaster that you weren’t sure was even going to happen.

The Savior always spoke with you when she had a trick up her sleeve. There was always an ulterior motive, always a plan, and she went about achieving her goals with calculated movements. Words fell from her mouth like petals unfurling from a blooming flower bud, like speaking so gracefully was natural. But you had seen her up close these past few days. Emerald eyes were red-rimmed, golden waves slightly out of place. The flowers were browning around the edges, like they had been overwatered. It was reflected through the weight of the air, the oppression that lingered along baseboards.

You needed to be prepared for this conversation. You hadn’t been last time, and you had been reduced to begging and pleading for your life, the Savior smiling at you all the while. Despite your exhaustion and struggle to function from hour to hour, you knew that you would have to snap back to your senses. You had no room for error. There would be no more chances for you, nobody for you to fall back on, and no ways out of Magenta should you mess up. The threads holding you in place were one tug away from snapping.

You tried to steel yourself.

You were far from your usual self, yes. But so was the Savior. If nothing else, you had that much going for you.

Saeran knocked on the door. You made a point not to look up at him, your gaze instead flickering up at the guard next to you, robed and staring forward like usual. You briefly remembered the mint eyes that you had seen the last time you’d made eye contact with the guard in this position, and your heart smarted for just a second.

You knew that V wouldn’t be there, but the immense isolation that you felt was just as heavy on your shoulders as you took in the face of a man that you didn’t know.

“Come in.”

You were tugged right back to reality as Saeran pushed the door open, pulling you into the throne room. Surrounded by the familiar ambiance of the throne room, you felt something stifling wrap itself around you, constricting your every movement. The dark walls seemed to push forward, like they were trying to cage you in. The candlelight flickered ominously, dancing even though there was no wind, and the small flames added a deceptively warm glow to the golden accents of the room. 

It was all a farce. There was nothing but ice in this room, and it pierced right through your skin.

The Savior had been standing as you entered, hands clasped in front of her. You noticed that she appeared more troubled than usual, a strange rigidity to her stance. Though she appeared as perfectly groomed as usual, her skin had lost some of its usual glow, and the lack of sleep showed under her eyes as darkened circles that dimmed the shine of her emerald eyes. 

You could immediately tell that the conversation you were walking to would be different from previous times. Even the air in the room felt different, just as oppressive as it was in the halls.

But you couldn’t risk letting it get to you.

“Saeran,” the Savior greeted the man next to you. Immediately after, her eyes fell on you. Something indecipherable was festering in her gaze, and it made you feel small. 

It was always easy to tell yourself that you wouldn’t falter. You could give yourself as many pep talks as you wanted, but the second you were facing the Savior, she broke down whatever confidence she had with the blink of an eye. There was a sharp edge to her that strove to break you down completely, and you would have to struggle to keep that from happening without endangering yourself and securing your demise. 

Where was the middle ground between giving up and fighting too much?

How were you supposed to do this alone?

“You look troubled, lamb,” the Savior remarked, turning to face you fully as she took in your state. “Just as I last saw you.”

Saeran’s grip was unfaltering on your arm. You wondered if you would ever grow used to it.

“I’m glad that you came,” the Savior continued. “There is something I wished to discuss with you.”

Her voice was slightly more direct than usual. The typical trance-like sway to her words was gone, replaced with something stressed, much more  _ human _ , and it only made you more nervous. It was obvious that, in the days since you’d seen the Savior, she’d continued to struggle. It seemed that stepping on you hadn’t been enough to clear her head, and a vindictive part of you was glad.

Even so, you were confused. Clearly, something was going on beneath the surface, secrets unknown to you bubbling over the rim of an overflowing cup.

Was this really just because of Miyeon?

You knew that the Savior had been upset by Miyeon and V’s escape, but her interest in Miyeon had seemed somewhat personal. You remembered her appearance directly after the escape, disheveled, unstable, and hurt. The Savior’s words in the messenger had sounded far less like that of an omnipresent cult leader and much more like that of a girl who had suffered a personal betrayal from someone she’d come to like.

Humanizing the Savior felt strange, but it wasn’t quite as dangerous as empathizing with Ray had been. You had been capable of sympathy and care for your mint-eyed partner, but not for the Savior. You would always remember her standing above you, ordering Believers to hold you down as she held a vial of poison to your lips, pushing you to sip at it and let it burn you from the inside out.

Goosebumps prickled over your skin. You tried to push that memory to the back of your mind.

You couldn’t read the Savior. There was no predicting what she wanted from you, no understanding her intentions until they were made clear. The thick cloak of mystery and calculation around her every action masked her true objectives well. Her instability did not betray her true intentions.

You watched as green eyes flickered toward your slightly aching arm, where Saeran was still holding you tightly.

“Saeran,” the Savior addressed him with a voice slightly harder than usual. “You may go. I would like to speak with your assistant alone.”

The grip tightened. You bit the inside of your cheek, frustrated, trying to stop yourself from prying his fingers off yourself. 

You were used to being manhandled to a certain extent. Your autonomy had been stripped away the second that you accepted Ray’s hand at the cafe. Ray had manipulated you too, but he differed in that he had always been gentle, his touch feather-light, conflicted by a fear of hurting you as he tried to keep you locked in place. Saeran didn’t share Ray’s fear for your wellbeing, though, jerking you around roughly as if he enjoyed watching you struggle.    
  


Yet, strangely, he seemed almost reluctant to let you go. He held onto you with such strength that his hesitance was obvious, and you couldn’t quite understand it. The paradox burned brightly in your mind and, though you had tried to stay grounded in the present, your thoughts wandered towards confusion again.

_ Why?  _

You glanced up at Saeran just in time to witness a strange upturn quirk his lips, not quite a smirk or a smile. It seemed oddly strained, and you felt discomfort settling in the pit of your stomach.

“Do you really want to be alone with someone so stupid?” Saeran asked. “You’ll probably get a headache listening to-”

“Saeran, don’t make me repeat myself,” The Savior cut him off with a tone so snappy that it took you by surprise, drawing your attention back to her. “You have work to do, and you’re always complaining that you can’t work with somebody else in your space, right? I’m solving that problem for you. I appreciate your concern, but I can handle it.”

Saeran was silent for a few seconds longer than you’d expected.

The air in the room was much tenser than before. Saeran’s discontentment was obvious, tangible, radiating off of him in waves. You felt stuck in the middle, hesitant to breathe, bearing witness to a silent conversation. Something was going on beneath the surface, that much was obvious to you, but you were aware that all of the efforts you could put into trying to uncover the true nature of this interaction would be wasted.

The discomfort that had previously been mild was now crawling up your throat.

Saeran finally seemed to give in to the Savior, though it was clear that he was unhappy with the arrangement. He looked down at you, mint eyes hard as stone, like white-hot flames flickering with an angry, frustrated intensity.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Saeran glared down at you. “You’ll regret it if you do.”

You just nodded, lips pressed together tightly. Something about his anger, his grip on your arm, and the condescension in his words agitated you. You hadn’t ever thought very highly of yourself, but you knew from the beginning that everything about Mint Eye was pitted against you. You were meant to lose, and you were angry at how unfair the situation was. 

What was the point of being told not to do anything stupid.

You wouldn’t be able to win no matter what you did.

Saeran remained still for a few more seconds. His gaze flickered back up to the Savior, who was watching him closely with a stony frown. After a slippery silence, he finally let go of your arm, turning toward the door and walking out. The sound of the door shutting was laced with a strange finality that settled in your bones.

Your hand raised to knead at your arm. Your thoughts were more clear than they had been in days, but you were presented only with a perplexity that bubbled in the back of your mind. Something about this entire situation, never mind the interaction you had just witnessed, was inherently  _ strange _ , so much so that you began to feel displaced.

But you had no time to ponder this.

“It seems that Saeran has grown possessive over you,” the Savior remarked, her gaze fixating on you as you turned back to face her. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Ray was rather fond of you as well.”

The mention of Ray caused your stomach to turn sour. It had been days since you’d last spoken with him, and even longer since he’d seemed like himself. You had witnessed him beginning to crumble as Saeran neared the surface, but you hadn’t been able to understand what was happening until it was too late. Even while Ray was there, he had been becoming somebody who you didn’t know.

But had you ever really known him? Apparently, the secrets being kept from you carried a larger weight than you’d expected.

That thought caused your chest to feel strangely heavy.

“I still don’t completely understand,” you tried to word your query carefully, approaching the topic with caution “What happened to Ray?”

Apparently, your question brought the Savior some sort of gratification. A slight smile tugged at the corners of her lips, snake-like in nature, and something glinted in her tired eyes. 

“He’s gone,” the Savior’s response, despite its simplicity, brought forth a chill that settled straight into the marrow of your bones. “He was too easy on you. He allowed you to roam free and whisper the same sweet, poisonous words to Miyeon that you did to him.”

Your heart thundered in your chest. It beat so hard that your ribcage hurt, straining against your chest cavity. You felt vaguely short of breath, a feeling that immediately brought you back to a few days prior, when you had spoken with the Savior in the garden.

Was she really going to do this again? Threaten you anew, just to keep you in line? Would you really just have to stand here and take it as she tried to mince you with words as sharp as the knife she’d been holding to your throat since your arrival?

Why were you like this?

Why did you let your fear cloud your mind every single time?

_ This is why you keep losing. _

“I want you to succeed here,” the Savior took a few steps forward, approaching you slowly. “I believe you’re under the impression that I hate you or hold a vendetta against you. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

You said nothing, your jaw locked in place. When the Savior spoke again, she was only a few paces away from you, her voice lowered to a tone similar to the one she used when speaking to you for the first time.

If you tried hard enough, you could have felt the cold stone of the basement floor beneath your fingertips.

“I care about all of my disciples. Your coming to Mint Eye was different from many of the Believers, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a place for you here,” the Savior’s words dripped from her mouth like molasses, sickeningly sweet and viscous. “Your mistakes don’t have to be the end. You’ve had a rough path, no? If you would only give in, it would all stop.”

Lie after lie.

The Savior was spoon-feeding you the same honeyed words that she had given the other Believers. The same ones that had torn Ray apart.

You kept your mouth shut, lips pressed tightly together. The thoughts stirring in your head were not kind- they were aggressive and combative, trying to convince you to stand up for yourself. The Savior was speaking down to you, talking like she was doing you a favor when you both knew that this was anything but.

The idea of allowing her to walk over you, step on your limbs until they twisted backwards, made you feel physically sick. The nausea settling in your stomach, climbing up your esophagus, tasted vaguely of the thousands of words you’d been stifling since the beginning.

  
The Savior seemed to notice this, her eyes stuck on your person as they stared straight into your soul. 

“You may speak honestly with me,” the Savior prompted, her head tilting ever so slightly in a gesture of curiosity. “I’d like to hear what you have to say. What are the thoughts that you’ve been keeping at bay?”

It was a trap.

A honey-laden, sweet-smelling trap that spelled danger. It was enticing, the idea of letting yourself speak freely about the source of your anger. It would flow out so easily if you let it, emptying the drawers in your mind that had been stuffed to the point of overflowing for so long that you forgot what it felt like to think freely.

But you couldn’t.

_ I can’t. _

The temptation stuffed your throat like handfuls of cotton.

Even so, the voice of reason inside of you spoke loudly, echoing words of warning that if you dared tell the Savior what you truly thought, it would all be over. As much as you struggled to keep everything at bay, you knew that you could never speak honestly. You would have to pack the drawers full and force them back shut.

You couldn’t risk being combative. Not when you had nobody to fall back on if things went awry- which they always did.

Still, you felt dirty as you diverted the topic.

“I’m just worried. About Ray.”

It was obvious that you were trying to change the subject. Your voice was thick with barely-contained emotions.

The Savior’s smile fell ever so slightly. Her shift in mood was barely noticeable but to you, it was amplified as if under a microscope.

“I see,” she responded, finally glancing away like a spell had been broken. “You’re quite dedicated, aren’t you?”

There were implications of some sort in that question. It was loaded, but you couldn't quite tell how. With the Savior’s eyes off of you even just for a second, you finally felt free to breathe, your shoulders falling as you slowly let out a breath you hadn’t known you’d been holding in.

“Your worry is useless” the Savior said. “As I’ve told you before, Ray is gone. But it seems that he’s had quite an effect on you. You’ve grown quite complacent with him giving you the easy way out, haven’t you?”

Somehow, her words were beginning to sound angry. With the breaking of the spell came a flood of frustration, and it was all directed at you. For whatever reason, you were filled with the sudden realization that something about this was incredibly personal. The Savior had been witnessing your stay at Mint Eye, observing behind the scenes even when she appeared, to you, little more than a distant memory.

You’d known all along that she was aware of your true intentions, watching you stuff yourself away in a desperate attempt to appear cool and composed. The Savior had witnessed every accidental word that slipped out of your mouth, every lie that wasn’t constructed with perfection, and every smile that didn’t quite meet the mark.

Now, watching you continue the trend seemed to be amplifying her frustration.

You didn’t understand. 

The Savior had been behaving strangely around you from the very beginning- angry, like you’d done something to upset her since the moment of your arrival. At first you hadn’t looked beyond the surface; after all, there had to be quite a bit of damage behind someone twisted enough to form a cult around taking advantage of people. You hadn’t even thought that the reason why the Savior treated you poorly had any depth to it.

But Miyeon had come along, and things were different. The Savior was far kinder to her. Surface-level though her compassion had been, it was markedly different from the way that you’d been treated. You’d been a threat, a nuisance, and nothing more. The Savior must have known that you had been scheming, but she hadn’t bothered to do anything about it. She had just played mind games with you, tying a cloth over your eyes and spinning you in circles. 

Kidnapping you hadn’t been enough. Drugging you hadn’t been enough.

What had you done to deserve all of this?

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Saeran’s quite different from Ray,” the Savior continued, emerald eyes glittering as they wandered across the expanse of the throne room. “You seem to have been suffering the consequences of his change, correct? It’s quite obvious in your demeanor. You’re more disheveled than usual.”

You bit the inside of your lip to keep yourself from showing her any kind of response. Your anger was kindling but as much as you stomped on it, the flames would not go out.

But there was more to this situation than the words being thrown your way.

Another part of you was conflicted. You noticed it in the rigidity of the Savior’s shoulders. Something had changed. She was far less composed, though the transparent version of her usual persona would have you believe otherwise. It was clear to you that the Savior had been deeply rattled. There was no color to her cheeks, no glow to her skin, and a hint of desperation to the way she was behaving.

The Savior had abandoned her calculated movements for a direct attack that felt, to you, rushed and out of place.

You were changed. You might have been disheveled and nervous, but you were not alone in your struggle.

It should have felt like a victory to you, but the bile in the back of your throat was evidence of your confliction.

The last thing you wanted was a cult leader with waning sanity to be out for your blood.

“How does it feel?” The Savior suddenly turned toward you, eyes zeroing in on you with a strange, displaced fascination in her gaze. “To come in contact with someone’s devil? You’ve been here for weeks, now. Do you not want to submit yourself to your true self as well? What you’re taught to do in the outside world is a cheap imitation of what life should be. We play their game incorrectly, and we’re shunned. Mint Eye is a place for us like-minded people to rally together, so we can live the way that we’re supposed to.”

The Savior took a quick step towards you and, head swimming with rampant confusion, you took one back, instinctually trying to put distance between the two of you.

If the Savior noticed your slip, she didn’t show it.

“After all, you’re here because you are, in some way, similar to us. Haven’t you wanted to give in to that voice inside of you? The one that whispers awful things to you in the dead of night?” Words fell from the Savior’s mouth like stones rolling down a cliffside, haphazard and heavy. “It seems frightening and wrong, but it’s not. Listening to that voice, giving in, is what truly makes you strong. It’s how you survive.”

In an instant, you thought back to your apartment and your shitty life. For reasons unknown to you, the Savior’s words brought you back for just a second. Everything you’d lived at the time was an extension of your failures, your shortcomings. It had been a constant reminder, ever-present in your head, that everything had gone and it had been your fault

You’d listened to the voice telling you to isolate yourself, and your life tumbled downhill with such speed that inertia sent you slamming into a wall when everything came to a sudden stop.

You’d spent countless nights alone, your suffering illuminated behind dim moonlight concealed frosty gray clouds. You remembered those nights like it was just yesterday that you sat on your bathroom floor for hours, disappearing so far into the recesses of your mind that you hadn’t found your way back alone.

The Savior was prying into your mind, trying to untangle you and put you back together to fit the narrative of her twisted philosophy.

“So why don’t you?” The Savior demanded.“What’s holding you back? Why are you allowing yourself to remain weak, like a weed to be trampled on, the same way that Ray did?”

Her presence was heavy, looming over you, but your fear was disappearing behind the kindling of anger that had refused to go out. Your fingers were digging into the flesh of your already sore arm with a profound strength, like it was taking everything that you had to keep yourself together.

Still, despite your effort, the glass separating you from the rest of the world cracked loudly, and you began to speak before you could even think.

“But who’s to say that that’s weak?” You demanded, thoughts centralizing in your head and voicing themselves in a flurry of rushed emotions. “The outside world’s shitty- everybody knows that. But there’s more ways to deal with it than by just giving in to your worst thoughts.”

Your heart thundered in your chest. Your voice felt too loud, bouncing off of dark grey walls.

The Savior’s eyes narrowed.

“And you?” She challenged. “Would you say that the life you were living was any better than ours?”

Your head felt hot with frustration and anxiety, and you felt your fingertips quivering ever so slightly, rapid heartbeat pumping adrenaline into your bloodstream and spreading it throughout your body.

You hadn’t ever really spoken to the Savior honestly- you hadn’t dared to.

But once you started, you couldn’t stop.

“I never said it’s better,” you rebutted. “And I never said that I had anything figured out, either. Obviously, I didn’t. But at least I was only hurting myself.”

Your words were an obvious attack on the Savior, and she knew that. The silence that followed was a confirmation, and you played your words back time and time again, hands clenched into clammy fists.

The Savior searched your eyes. Malachites sunk into your gaze, piercing you as they did, trying to read your mind and understand your thoughts, to see their patterns and uncover their origin like there was a hidden grove of secrets.

It was uncomfortable. The Savior was close, emotional, and you were backed into a corner, ready to lash out at any second if you needed to.

But it didn’t come to that. For whatever reason, the Savior relented. 

There was a finality in her voice as she spoke, heavy and thick.

“I see that reasoning with you is useless,” she said. “What a shame. I thought that there were some similarities between you and the world that I’ve cultivated here, but your mind is twisted too far in the direction of the outside world.”

Something about the way the Savior spoke to you was condescending- incredibly so. You were still overcome with the rush that you had felt from speaking your mind, raising your voice at the woman who had been ruining your life for months.

Still, you weren’t blind to the potential consequences of your actions.

You were frightened. You couldn’t help it. Your life had already been threatened, and you had been kidnapped and drugged, held against your will. There was no way that you had expected not to feel scared with this woman in sight, even if you finally allowed yourself to take a stand. The power she held over your life had been elevated to a magnitude you hadn’t expected when she threatened your life. The Savior could have crushed your existence in your hand if she wanted to.

Maybe that was why the rush of openly disagreeing with her was strangely empowering. Nowhere near enough to override your fear, but enough to rattle you just a little bit.

You were sure that, if the Savior were as confident and unshakeable as usual, this conversation would have gone differently. She wouldn’t have been as direct, and neither would you. But there was something else in her eyes, a glint of something faraway that clung to her, like an old enemy digging its claws into her. It was reflected in her gaze, clear as day as she looked at you.

You couldn’t read her. You couldn’t understand her words, and you couldn’t decipher whatever emotions seemed to be flitting across her face.

Betrayal?

“You’re just like him,” the Savior eventually commented, something strange in her tight voice.

Your eyebrows pressed together into a frown, just for a second.

_ Him? _

The Savior said nothing else. She seemed to be going somewhere far away, to a place you were unable to follow. The room descended into a chaotic silence, loud in its implications, and the Savior’s eyes averted away from you. Her words rung in your head a few times more and you let them fester.

Who was ‘him’?

_ V? _

The door opened behind you, the sound of it sending a jolt of electricity into you.

You glanced back for just a second and a bucket of ice water fell over you, putting out the flames of your anger immediately.

“Saeran,” the Savior greeted, her voice strange with the same finality as before. “You can have your assistant back. I need to speak with you.”

You felt nerves buzzing to life once again. 

He had been gone only for minutes, his re-entry so perfectly timed that a rock lodged itself into your throat. 

Had he heard you?

Saeran came to a stop near you, looking up at the Savior with a frown.

“Savior,” was his greeting. “Would you like me to return immediately?”

He didn’t so much as look at you. It was like you didn’t exist to him at that moment.

The Savior met his gaze and nodded strangely, like she was trying to steady herself with every word that passed her lips. “Yes,” she said.

Saeran looked up at her silently for a few seconds. Clearly, something inside of him was trying to figure her out, the change in her mood as obvious to him as it had been to you.

Had he not heard you after all?

If the confusion in Saeran’s gaze was anything to go by, though, then he was just as confused as you were.

“Very well,” he gave in.

A hand returned to your arm, grabbing onto you in the same place as always. Wordlessly, you allowed yourself to be tugged toward the door again, back to the cage that had been keeping you for weeks. Saeran didn’t bother looking at you, but something smoldered in his eyes.

You hardly understood any part of the interaction that you had just had with the Savior, and you were already being removed from the throne room. Every time the Savior revealed anything to you, it only confused you more. But this was the first time you felt like words had been left unsaid, and you weren’t sure why you felt so apprehensive.

Everything was changing. 

But, after seeing the Savior like that, you could feel the tremors of the earth beneath your feet.

It was all falling apart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I know it's been three weeks- school's starting to ramp up as the end of the semester approaches :( I want to say that I'll be able to update more often but I'm not really sure, because things usually get crazy busy around this time of year, so I may be taking about this long to update until the semester's over. Thanks to everyone for understanding and staying patient with me. Under no circumstances am I ever planning on not updating. This story is way too close to my heart. But it will be taking me a bit longer to update than usual unfortunately.
> 
> All of this aside, I really don't have too much to say! Things have been chaotic in the US, as I'm sure most of the world knows, and I want to say I hope it'll settle down but I'm not quite sure it will just yet. Covid's getting worse again too, even in Europe and the country where I'm from, so I hope everyone in affected areas is safe and taking precautions to stay healthy. :)
> 
> I hope this chapter was okay! There's a lot of character development taking place for the Reader and a lot of changes for other characters happening behind the scenes. Reader's relationship with Saeran is, for lack of a better word, strange. I've been trying to emphasize that it's different from his relationship with MC in the game, but I hope it's still realistic, interesting, and entertaining for everyone. 
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you who left Kudos and comments on my last chapter! As always, I adore getting feedback. I love reading your insights and comments, even on the smallest things. It really makes writing this worth it, and as we near 200k words and I understand how much time I've spent on this story since June, I feel validated when you guys leave comments haha. If there's ever anything anyone wants to say, always feel free to drop a comment. I love reading them so much <3
> 
> Thank you guys also so so much for 250 Kudos. It may not seem like much, but to me it means the world. This story is so important to me and to see that others like it brings me so much joy. I appreciate every single one of you so much and I hope you know that. <3
> 
> Take care everyone! Please please stay safe and healthy and look out for yourselves. :)


	25. Maelstrom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which somebody makes a dreaded decision and you're left to pick up the pieces.

You waited restlessly in the workroom. 

Saeran was gone. You had the expanse to yourself. Walls full of screens emitted gentle blue light. Computers, jammed file cabinets, and tangled cords kept you company as you sat on the floor, leaning your back against the wall. It was almost completely quiet, the relative lack of noise allowing you to temporarily retreat into your head. After days of yelling, consistent abuse, and calculated mind games, a momentary break was as tortuous as it was relieving.

As it turned out, getting some distance didn’t really solve any of your problems. Every second you spent in your own head allowed you to wallow, and that was exactly what you did.

You felt worn-down. Your body was exhausted, limbs heavy, mind clouded over with a haze of billowing, dark grey smoke that permeated into your senses and seeped from your pores. If you tried hard enough, you were sure that you could eventually drift off and give your mind brief respite. You knew that the rest would do you good- you had been pushed beyond your limits for months on end, and you were slowly reaching your breaking point. With every passing second, you stepped closer to the edge of the cliff that you’d been teetering at.

But the buzzing of your mind, swarmed with little critters and clawed feet, kept you awake. Your eyes, dry after hours of spacing out, focused on nothing. Your back ached, as you’d been propped up against the wall for quite some time. But the sensation was slowly ebbing further away from your realm of awareness. Instead, your thoughts focused on the conversation you’d had with the Savior earlier, replaying the unexpected turn of events over and over again. 

You hadn’t expected to snap and speak with such careless honesty, but you found that you didn’t regret your words to the Savior. 

You knew that had this happened a month ago, you would have been wrought with anxiety. Your mind had always been sensitive, but that sensitivity was elevated to new heights after coming to Mint Eye. Your susceptibility to even the slightest change in atmosphere was dizzying. Every time you spiraled into a whirlwind of panic, you were disoriented with racing thoughts, _what-ifs,_ and worst-case scenarios.

You would have obsessed.

How could you have spoken so carelessly? What was going to happen to you?

Would you be hurt? Cleansed? Worse?

The Savior had asked and you were honest- shouldn’t that have been good enough?

But when had anything you’d ever done been good enough? When had the rules of Mint Eye ever made any sense?

You would have spun yourself in circles with those thoughts, tormenting your already fragmented mind, leaving you to drown in quicksand. And, while those thoughts poked and prodded at you with sticky fingers, the mental roadblock that you’d constructed kept them out much more than you’d expected. 

What did you really have to be afraid of at this point? Things were different from the beginning. Everything had changed. You had people to fight for back then- for Ray, for Miyeon, for V- even the RFA, who you barely knew and initially thought were fictional. 

But those days felt far away to you. They had drifted far out of sight, replaced by brand new anxieties. Now, you were completely alone, kept around to serve as a doormat for someone who didn’t care for you in the slightest.

And that posed a whole new set of problems. 

Saeran confused you. He was an amalgamation of contradictions, a walking paradox that bared his teeth at you with venomous aggression before resisting the Savior’s orders to leave you in the throne room. Saeran complained about you endlessly, about sharing his space with you, but refused to let you out of the room he claimed you didn’t belong in.

Saeran didn’t like you- that much you knew. You were sure that there was some other motive beneath his actions, something that fueled him to act as strangely as he did. But you lacked the tools to decipher him. Trying to read between the lines yielded few answers, leaving you feeling paranoid and vulnerable. You were both a spectator and a participant. You watched from the sidelines when necessary and engaged in the madness when ordered to. Your actions were being restricted more and more by the day, and you’d never been able to act freely to begin with.

You were being stretched too thin. You were nearing the brink of madness, too close to letting loose and allowing your sanity to wash away. Sometimes you felt that it would have been easier to stop trying because you had less and less energy by the day. Your honest words to the Savior, relieving as they’d been, embodied a frightening thought:

You were slipping.

But, you reminded yourself, so was she. 

And, in the next few minutes, you found that she was slipping at a rate you hadn’t expected.

You heard the footsteps first. The soles of shoes came down with more force than the rest, gait rushed and haphazard, and you felt danger before it even reached you. It took you a split second to understand that Saeran was coming back. There was an instant warning of imminent danger inside you, urging you to retreat to the relative safety of your bedroom.

By the time you heard the mechanical click of the door lock, you had already shot to your feet, chest growing tight with anxiety. You launched yourself back into your room as quickly as you could, hands clammy with trepidation.

Though you’d already made it into your room when the heavy door opened, it seemed your captor was content on hunting you down. He strode into the room, face twisted into an enraged scowl, mint eyes locking in on you, and gripped your arm to pull you away from the wall. 

“What did you do?” He demanded, pulling you so hard that you nearly stumbled over your own feet. 

You immediately steeled yourself, going rigid as you prepared yourself for the onslaught you were about to receive. Heart thumping with dread, you found yourself having to make a conscious effort to regulate your breathing.

This sort of anger was something new. 

It was far more primal than you were used to, and you found yourself feeling frightened despite your attempts to remain calm. The thought that you were at Saeran’s mercy was loud, and it wouldn’t let you be. 

_What did she tell him?_ Your head spun with the same question as if it would find the answer by tumbling around in circles. 

But you couldn’t spiral. You couldn’t lose the already weak grip you had on your sanity. 

You had to get through this. Fear wasn’t an excuse to grow careless.

“What do you mean?” You kept your voice as steady as you could, fighting the urge to yank your arm back. “I didn’t do anything.”

Your answer only seemed to enrage Saeran more. The vice around your arm constricted, and you grit your teeth in frustration.

“She’s never done something like this before,” he hissed. “It has to be because of you. Don’t you fucking _dare_ lie to me.”

His fingers dug into your flesh, and you, despite yourself, attempted to tug it away, your mouth twisting as a sharp pain shot up your arm. The ache, combined with the aggressive cursing, was enough of a push for you to lose a fraction of your cool.

“I didn’t _do_ anything,” you snapped, yanking your arm back to your side and twisting your body to angle it out of his reach. “I was only there for a few minutes. I have nothing to do with whatever happened after I left.”

Saeran went still for a few seconds, staring at you. His gaze was calculating and invasive, like he was trying to strip your words down completely and look right into your head. The silence wasn’t any less unnerving than the torment you’d grown so used to. You returned his stare, despite your growing anxiety, trying to hold your ground.

You were frustrated. You were tired. 

For just a second, though, you dared to hope that maybe you’d gotten away with speaking as recklessly to Saeran as you had to the Savior.

You were wrong.

Saeran erupted with the force of a hurricane, the sharpness of his words cutting your cheeks like sharp wind.

“You’re ruining _everything_!” He shouted. “It wasn’t like this before you got here- before you schemed with that weakling and got it in your head that you could change things!”

Saeran held your gaze, pupils constricted into little more than pinpricks, adrift in a sea of maddened mint. Taken aback by the magnitude of his rage, you kept completely still, trying to steel yourself enough to bear the brunt of Saeran’s outburst. Your fingertips tingled, chest tightening, but you had little time to focus on any of that.

“The Savior would never have wanted to leave if it weren’t for you and that traitor!” Saeran took a threatening step forward, and your legs shot to increase the distance again, forcing you to back up. “Everything’s changing and it’s because of you!”

You clamped your mouth shut, lips pressed together tightly.

Your thoughts had scrambled themselves in the wake of this sudden explosion of anger. You knew that speaking clumsily wouldn’t get you anywhere, but the ball of repressed emotions and frustration inside of you was growing larger and larger, plastering itself into your thoughts and fighting to take over.

“How are you going to fix it?” Saeran backed you into a corner, leaning into you as you pressed your back into the wall, hands balled into fists so tight that your hands trembled.

You had been backed into this corner far too many times in the last few days.

You couldn’t run. You couldn’t give in to the itch in your legs to launch yourself past Saeran and sprint for the door because you knew that it wouldn’t get you anywhere. The door was locked, and even if it wasn’t there were countless Believers between you and the exit, the location of which you didn’t even know.

You were stuck here, whether you wanted to be or not. You knew that you needed to choose your words carefully, to ensure that speaking wouldn’t increase the severity of your already impossible predicament.

But, as your mouth opened and words fell from your mouth, you found yourself aware that you had crossed the point of return long ago.

Just because you were stuck didn’t mean that you had to give in completely. And admitting to something that you hadn’t done wouldn’t get you anywhere.

“I told you,” you said, matching his glare with one of your own. “I didn’t do anything.”

Again, silence.

The seconds dragged on for far too long as Saeran’s eyes stared straight into yours, boring into you with an intensity you’d never before experienced from another person. Between the obvious rage, you swore that you could see confusion.

That only heightened your own disarray.

You weren’t made of steel. You had always been simple, uncomplicated in the way that you functioned and behaved. But for some reason, this person in front of you, shrouded in the wreckage of his own life, was somehow struggling to make sense of you.

That flicker of confusion, though, lasted for little more than a second before it was masked with trained efficiency. 

“Fine,” he relented as if suddenly overcome with a calmness that seemed eerily serene. “You think so? You didn’t do anything?”

Saeran stepped back away from you, and though he physically retreated, you still couldn’t find it in you to remember how to breathe properly.

The distance didn’t alleviate the bad feeling in you at all. 

You were smelling danger, and it was so pungent that your head smarted.

“I don’t see what point there is in lying when I already know the truth,” Saeran snapped, making his way back to the door to the workroom. His eyes met yours again, steely with barely-suppressed rage. “I hate liars more than anything.”

He took hold of the doorknob, holding your gaze as he spoke.

“You can sit in here and rot.”

And, with that, the door was slammed shut. The second that you pushed yourself away from the wall, heart thumping with unbearable trepidation, the doorknob jiggled. The sound of a lock clicking shut reached your ears with chilling finality.

You froze. 

And waited. 

You weren’t sure why you took so long to move again. For a second, you listened to the noises beyond the door. Angry footsteps, the sound of a drawer slamming shut, and the metal door opening and closing. 

Then, silence again. For a few seconds, all you could hear the thumping of your pulse, reverberating through your body and rattling your bones. 

Once you were sure that Saeran was really gone, you finally approached the door and turned the doorknob. When it barely moved, you immediately turned it again, this time with far more force than would have been necessary to open the door, but the knob caught again. Despite your continued tugging and futile attempts at getting the knob to bypass the lock, nothing happened. The rattling finally came to an end when you temporarily ceased your efforts.

It was locked. You were locked in. 

With that realization came a wave of frustration and humiliation, washing over you with the force of a tidal wave, soaking you to the bone. You grit your teeth, the muscles in your neck and shoulders beginning to cramp with the rigidity of your body. 

Your hands shook with anger. 

As if being locked inside the workroom wasn’t bad enough, now you were being restricted to this room, barely bigger than a large closet? 

You couldn’t have gone anywhere anyway. In the weeks that you’d been at Mint Eye, despite everything you’d accomplished behind your enemies’ backs, the one thing you’d never managed was unlocking that fortress door. It was an impenetrable barrier, and you’d learned that very early on in your stay here.

Somehow, the unnecessity of Saeran locking this door humiliated you far more than you’d expected. You gave the knob one last final push, and when your clammy hand slipped off of the knob, your anger reached a new peak and you slammed your fist into the door in a fit of frustration, the noise rattling inside of your skull. Your chest swam with a white-hot rage, clouding your vision, and it bubbled over the edge. Your frustration was almost tangible. It suffocated you from within like a lump of thick cotton. 

You wanted to vomit. You wanted to raise your voice and yell at _someone_ , but there was nobody there. 

You couldn’t believe you were being confined to an even smaller space in the prison you’d already been locked inside of for two months. 

_And for what?_

The side of your hand, which you’d previously slammed against the door, pulsated with heat after its impact with the wood. It smarted, but you could barely feel it through the cloud of anger. For a second, you found yourself unable to think straight.

This was ridiculous. It was unfair. You hadn’t done a single thing wrong. 

You hadn’t said a thing to provoke the Savior into leaving. You weren’t sure if there was anything you _could_ say to garner such a reaction from her. The Savior used you as a bargaining chip. You had little value to her or to Mint Eye. You couldn’t convince her to leave, and if she was planning to do such a thing, you most certainly would not hear it from her. The only times you’d ever learned about anything remotely confidential was when Ray would tell you, and there were lines that even he wouldn’t cross.

You stilled as Ray entered your mind. Something clicked into place.

The Savior had mentioned to Ray that she was thinking about leaving. You remembered his breakdown shortly thereafter- the distress that he displayed was unlike anything you’d ever seen before.

Your frustration only grew as you made that connection, and an angry sigh escaped your throat. 

The Savior had been planning on leaving for days now. She’d been consistently falling apart, emerald eyes rimmed with puffy red and liquid gold hair frizzed out of their perfect waves. Her words had been blurring together since Miyeon’s escape. Her calculations had frayed at the seams, allowing bits of humanity, insecure and painfully raw, to seep from the rips in her persona. 

You’d seen a disaster coming from miles away. So had Ray. Somehow, that only made things more frustrating.

Why were you suffering the consequences of a decision that you had nothing to do with? And what was the point of keeping you locked in this tiny room when you’d never been able to leave the workroom in the first place? 

A hiss of curses fell from your lips, dancing off of your tongue and briefly filling the silence around you. You let your eyes wander across the room like you’d never before seen it, letting the gears of your mind turn as you attempted to devise any sort of a plan. 

Nothing. There was nothing that you could do.

All you could do was wait. As always.

Laying on your bed felt wrong. The sheets, in which you’d cocooned yourself night after night, seemed as constricting and dangerous as everything else in this room. Any comfort offered by the cotton blankets seemed off-putting, and you despised the thought of accepting anything good from Magenta. 

You would never again allow yourself to feel at ease. The shadows that filled the hallways extended to the corners of your room, pooling like a bubbling, mint poison, and it reached out for you. You felt ill, stranded in the middle of a building that housed nothing but evil and rage. The walls breathed from around you, pulsating as if Magenta was alive, swallowing you whole. 

You were stuck. 

Stuck. 

_Locked in._

Mind made up, you pressed your back against the wall next to the door and slid to the ground, body still rigid, and bit the inside of your lip as a last-ditch effort to keep yourself from falling apart. The mixture of thoughts and feelings inside of you was unbearable, and you could do little but sit with them and attempt to distract yourself from that which you could not escape.

You, too, were fraying at the seams. 

You weren’t sure how much more of this you could take. 

* * *

You felt like your mind seeped away from you as you sat on the ground. Your vision blurred away as your consciousness wandered, separating itself from your body. As your anger cooled, stifling itself into thick smoke, you found it replaced with a deep nothing, like a gap aching to be filled. But you had nothing to fill it with, so you allowed yourself to sit silently, wasting away as minutes passed you by. 

Despite your exhaustion, you refused to get into the bed. Your backside and spine groaned, upset about being propped up against the wall for so long, but you ignored it. 

The idea of accepting anything good from Mint Eye made you feel sick. Petty though your behavior was, you clung to it as the last semblance of control you could get. 

Your anger had dissipated somewhat, but a burning hatred continued to fester amidst the hole that had taken its place, baring sharp teeth and snarling bitterly. Despite your desire to remove yourself from the situation, even just for a little while, you couldn’t have ignored your feelings if you tried. 

You would have given anything to leave Magenta at that point. Though you knew it was little more than a physiological response, you still felt nauseous, antsy, and uncomfortable, itching to be anywhere but here. The dead flowers on the wall stared down at you as you wasted away against the wall, fingers twisting the fabric of your sleeves until it felt strangely stretchy. 

Nothing hurt more than the thought that you were stuck, locked in the one place that you would have given anything to escape from. 

There was no redeeming this, you thought. You could never turn things back to the way that they were before this, but you didn’t like the direction that this was going in, either. 

You were stuck. 

Though you knew that it was ridiculous after all you’d been put through, you found yourself plagued by a heavy, foreboding sense of finality. Like somehow, adding one more barrier between yourself and the real world made a huge difference from your previous predicament. 

It was like, slowly but surely, you were being removed more and more from the relative sanity and simplicity of the outside world. With every day that passed, you were being buried deeper into the twisted insanity of Mint Eye. All the while, someone who held nothing but contempt for you refused to let you go.

The mint eyes that you’d slowly learned to treasure now stared at you with hatred. The gentle affection was gone, and you hadn’t thought that you would actually come to miss the way that Ray would stare at you, nearly unblinking, for far too long. 

So much about Ray unnerved you. You had been aware that there was a lot about him that you didn’t know, you hadn’t considered anything with the magnitude of the reality that you were now facing. There were times where Ray would still scare you, even after two months by his side. But he never frightened you the way that Saeran did. 

Ever since Saeran’s arrival, every waking moment had been dedicated to evading as much chaos as you could, cherry-picking words with trembling fingertips and walking on eggshells. 

You hadn’t even thought about how long it had been since you’d seen Ray. And maybe, in the grand scheme of things, it hadn’t been that long. But it felt like a lifetime, stretched out like tacky candy, and the loss of the last bit of comfort had been compounded in your head. 

You hadn’t stopped to think about it too much, but it hurt. 

It was that hurt, freshly picked from rotting soil, that kept you rooted to the ground. And you let it keep you there, seeping in the negativity of your own head. 

You knew it was pathetic, but you were tired. _Exhausted._ You weren’t sure how you were going to keep doing this, but you knew that you had little choice in the matter. 

Your chest rose and fell with the escape of a quiet, but deep sigh. You tried to envision poisonous thoughts escaping alongside the breath of air, but it didn’t work. You didn’t feel any better at all. 

The fatigue that plagued your body and mind seemed to multiply, dividing like cells in mitosis, and you found your eyelids growing heavier and heavier with every passing minute. You allowed yourself to pull away from the world for a second- _just a second of peace_ \- and you began to drift.

It would have been nice. A short respite, a brief, false sense of security that would have given you a break from this reality for just a second.

But, alas, the world would not allow you that.

It felt like little more than a few seconds had passed before you heard the unlocking of the workroom door. The sound, mechanical and strangely hollow, jolted you out of your head in a split second, sending you back into alarm. You sat up straight, listening to the door open before you flew to your feet with almost dizzying speed, your mind spinning with the sudden movements. Rushed footsteps approached the door and the doorknob turned and rattled to a halt. 

The door was still locked. It did not open. But you didn’t say a word and remained still, completely rigid, holding your breath like making any movement would give you away completely. Your pulse reverberated loudly in your head.

You weren’t ready for a repeat of the events from an hour ago. 

You heard an indistinct mutter and the knob jiggled for a second before it was unlocked. Almost instantly, the door was thrown open, allowing the dim, bluish light of the computer monitors to flood the room. Saeran stared straight at you, still clad in his suit with disheveled hair, and you remained completely rigid, refusing to say a word.

You braced yourself. 

Mint eyes drank you in like they’d been searching for you for hours. They went wide almost instantly, and what little color was left drained from pallid cheeks. 

A small gasp, and words in a familiar tone.

“Ah… Oh, no…”

You faltered, eyebrows drawing together, as the person facing you began to tremble, shoulders tight and eyes wide.

“Oh, no... No, no, _no,_ ” franticly spoken words tumbled into the air, only growing faster and faster. The confusion plaguing your mind was suddenly cleared with bewildering speed. “No, this can’t be happening-!”

You faltered as a realization hit you like a ton of bricks. 

Ray stepped back, a hand flying up to his head and burying itself beneath thick strands of mussed, silver hair. Your name fell from his mouth like a hushed, desperate prayer.

“How could he do this to you-?” Ray’s voice was trembling more and more with every word, and you were left to bear witness to his immediate descent into despair. 

Your own hands trembled by your side as your mind, lagging behind momentarily, finally seemed to fight its way out of a thick fog of shock and disbelief.

Somewhere within you, you had genuinely believed that you would never see Ray again. Yet here he was, directly in front of you, wide-eyed and falling rapidly into a panic. 

This didn’t feel like a victory in the slightest. 

Ray’s breathing grew more labored. You immediately sprung into action like comforting him was so deeply embedded into you that you couldn’t have resisted if you tried. You stepped forward, approaching him quickly, and his eyes watched you all the while.

“Ray, are you really back?” You raised one of your hands before quickly deciding to leave it suspended in mid-air, afraid to touch him so callously lest you urge him off the edge of a cliff. “Please tell me it’s you.”

You weren’t sure if Ray could hear your words at all. They danced around in the room as Ray held your gaze with wide, crazed eyes, wracked with guilt and disbelief.

“He locked you in,” Ray’s voice was several octaves higher than usual, wrought with incredulity. “He was cruel to you. I saw it- I heard it, and I couldn’t stop him. I’m sorry. I’m sorry- so sorry-”

It seemed that the conversation was taking an immediate nosedive and your chest smarted as you tried to ground yourself as well as you could. You felt slightly disoriented by the sudden onslaught of emotions after having wallowed in your head for as long as you had. It was like you’d just been yanked into a bright hallway after spending hours in a dark room. You hadn’t expected any of this, and you felt like you were stumbling around blind, constantly being yanked back and forth. 

“No, Ray, it’s not your fault,” you rushed to comfort the man in front of you, trying desperately to prevent everything from spiraling downward again. “Please try and stay with me, okay?”

You weren’t sure what to do. Things were so far out of control that you were struggling to keep a hold on the situation.

“It’s my fault,” Ray continued to spiral. He took a step back into the workroom, his other hand disappearing beneath his hair and gripping it so tightly that his arms shook. “It’s my fault he came back. I couldn’t protect you. Everything’s going wrong! I’m sorry-”

As if suddenly launched into a frenzy yourself, your head spinning with the immeasurable desire to get all of this to _stop_ , you abandoned all caution. You followed Ray, crossing the distance between the two of you in the blink of an eye, and took hold of his forearms. The suit was unfamiliar beneath your fingers, slightly too smooth in comparison to his well-worn magenta jacket, but the feeling of Ray beneath your hands was dangerously familiar and almost comforting.

Something inside of your chest was deeply hurting, but you pushed it aside as well as you could. 

“Ray, _please_ ,” you emphasized your plea, almost like you were begging. “Please calm down- it’s not your fault. I promise. I’m okay, see?”

As if somehow convinced by your touch that you were actually there, Ray finally directly answered you. 

“No, no, no,” he continued, nearly hysterical. “He hurt you and there was nothing I could do. I’m sure you hate an idiot like me, but please don’t. I can make it right, so please don’t leave.”

The conversation was beginning to feel familiar. His eyes were wide, desperate, filled to the brim with raw panic, and you began to feel boxed in again.

Ray moved as he continued to speak, hands flying to your arms and holding you like a lifeline like he was trying to root you in place through his touch alone. “I promise I can make it right! I know I always mess these things up, but you can’t leave me!”

It was escalating. 

Everything was spiraling, and you found that you were severely lacking whatever it was that usually allowed you to think semi-rationally during these moments. The air around you seemed thin, and taking a deep breath was suddenly impossible.

You felt like you were barely hanging on, strung with a fraying thread to a trembling, quaking reality that threatened to shatter into pieces at any second.

Ray hadn’t been this desperate since the night he tried to get Miyeon to drink the elixir, and even then you’d been able to eventually calm him down. But it had been weeks since then, and the torment that you’d endured had been clawing at you, shredding your mind to pieces. Your words, which had an effect back then, seemed to do little today. You couldn’t think straight enough to fix this, and that only left you feeling frightened.

Amidst the chaos, you couldn’t understand why things were turning out this way. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you insisted, your own voice becoming more unstable as you struggled to assert yourself. “I promise, I won’t- please calm down.”

Almost immediately after you stopped speaking, Ray tensed with a grunt, hands flying back up to his head as he took a step back, doubling over. “Ah-!” He shouted. “No- my head-!”

Your heart seemed to short-circuit in your chest for just a second. You knew what this meant.

Your hands, now empty, felt cold.

Ray let out another yell, gripping his head so tightly that his knuckles turned bone-white, trembling with exertion, and you didn’t know what to do.

What _could_ you do? Your pulse trembled but you remained completely still. You’d been in this situation with Ray before, but now that you understood, to a certain degree, what the headaches meant, everything was different.

You’d never quite been afraid to approach Ray like you were in that moment. In the beginning, you’d been frightened of him, but for very different reasons. Now, you were scared of the person threatening to show again, and that was preventing you from taking the steps to try stopping the impending calamity.

For the first time in a long time, you felt completely frozen.

Ray’s cries increased in volume and you finally stepped back, your hand flying up to brace yourself against the frame of the door to your bedroom. Your mouth was dry and your hands clammy, clear indicators that you were overwhelmed, but you resisted the urge to let your anxiety take over. 

You had to do something.

You _had_ to. You were running out of wiggle room to make mistakes. You couldn't keep letting things escalate like this. No matter how nervous you felt, you knew that things were only going to get worse if you sat back and let disaster strike.

You weren’t sure if there was much you could do, but something had to be better than nothing. If you could only delay the chaos, that would be enough.

_Don’t think._

With your mind made up, you rushed forward to Ray, this time not even asking for permission before taking his forearms again, trying to steady him as much as you could. He was completely rigid under your touch, trembling with the pain that plagued his head.

“Ray, try and breathe,” you prompted, though you knew your words were falling on deaf ears. “Please, we can get through this.”

You could hardly even hear the words you were speaking. It was like you were acting on autopilot, saying and doing anything that could have de-escalated the situation. 

You would have done anything for things to just calm back down.

Your attempts, though, only spiraled everything further into chaos.

Instantly, one of Ray’s hands shot to one of your wrists, capturing it in a grip so tight that a sharp pain shot into the bone. He tugged you just a little bit closer, almost too close, and your stomach dropped into your chest when he looked up at you. Mint eyes glared at you with renewed ferocity. His skin was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, so pale it was almost grey, emphasizing the dark bags under his eyes. He looked ill, and he looked angry. All of his energy was suddenly directed right at you, and the rage that accompanied his gaze told you that your time with Ray had run out.

This wasn’t going to get better anytime soon.

“What are you _doing_?!” Saeran demanded, nearly twisting your wrist in half with the force he exerted into his grip. “Why do you keep doing this?”

The shouting threw you off almost instantly, sending you spiraling again, and this time you couldn’t catch yourself in time. In a split second, you felt something inside of you snap.

You could no longer think straight.

“What are you talking about?” You returned his question with one of your own, uncharacteristically aggressive. Your voice trembled as you continued, so emotional that you forgot everything you’d been fighting for. “You’re the one that dragged me here! You’re the one that won’t let me leave! Nothing that I’m doing is ever good enough! What do you _want_ from me?”

Saeran leaned into you after you spoke, completely undeterred by your shouting. His eyes were crazed, abnormally disheveled, and you could tell instantly that this wasn’t going to get you anywhere.

He was so close that you could feel his labored breath against your cheeks. You felt constricted, but you refused to back down. Fueled by all of the humiliation and anger that you’d stifled for so long, you felt that taking the blows was no longer an option.

The cracks in your sanity were beginning to grow larger in size. 

“I want you to stay put and stop fucking everything up!” Saeran’s voice was so loud that your ears were beginning to ring. “And I want you to get out of my head!”

As if suddenly repulsed by you, Saeran shoved you away from him hard enough to make you stumble, but you caught the back of his chair and used it to steady yourself, the wheels rolling loudly as it moved under your weight.

Your world was spinning. Your head was hot. You were so overrun by emotions that you were beginning to feel incredibly sick, like stones were settling in your stomach. 

“Don’t you _dare_ push me!” You didn’t relent, your voice so loud that it grated against your dry throat. “You’re doing this to yourself! I wouldn’t be such a problem if you would just let me leave!”

You held his gaze, so angry that your fingers trembled into the cushioned back of his desk chair. 

“I’ll do whatever I want to you,” Saeran snapped back. “I knew you wouldn’t just be able to stay quiet. Idiots like you and that weakling always think that you can fight this place, but you can’t. I’m stronger than you. All it takes is one word from me, and you’re done for. Don’t forget that.”

The reminder was less chilling than it usually would have been. The flames of your frustration seemed to eat it up, burning the inside of your chest as it raged on.

You were running out of words. The situation was so backward and twisted that you didn’t know what you could say. 

Nothing would be good enough to change his mind. Somewhere within you, you knew that you were fighting a losing battle. But in your anger-fueled breakdown, you didn’t care. You were sick of being stepped on, and you were even sicker of just letting it happen like you didn’t have a say in the matter.

“Do it, then,” you challenged him. “Nobody’s stopping you.”

For the first time, you didn’t shrivel under Saeran’s glare. Stony though it was, you were far too caught up in your own anger to internalize his words or actions. Seconds ticked by, and the room seemed too quiet after the chaos that had just unfolded. You were slightly aware of the pounding headache that was starting to grip your skull, pulsating in and out like it had a life of its own. Your exhaustion had been momentarily chased away, replaced by an adrenaline-fueled surge of nauseating energy.

You were aware that this was risky. You’d gone months stifling yourself and playing nice to avoid repercussions, constantly reminding yourself to just swallow your thoughts, to stuff your emotions into a drawer and lock them away. You knew that these people, Saeran and the Savior, were capable of unspeakable things, and if you ever wanted to escape you would have to avoid being the target of their rage.

But if Saeran was planning on antagonizing you regardless, why should you care?

What was the point of any of this? You’d never be able to do anything right by their standards, and that wouldn’t change.

“I’ll make you regret this,” there was a finality to Saeran’s voice, strangely calm despite the situation.

You didn’t say a word.

You were completely and utterly on your own, deprived of the protection that Ray had offered you for so long, and you would bare your teeth at everyone around you if you had to. 

The silence dragged on. After what seemed like both an instant and an eternity, Saeran turned towards the door. With quick, heavy steps he made it to the entrance and swiped his keycard. The unlocking of the door seemed far too loud, and you remained rooted in place as he exited the room, tugging the door shut behind him, leaving you surrounded by nothing but the leftover smoke of your fight and the silence it carried.

Your hands were sweaty, and your grip on the chair was so tight that your fingers nearly hurt. Adrenaline still raging, your heart thundered against your ribcage, pulsating through your head, and a wave of dizziness washed over you. You brought a hand up to your chest, pressing it above the area that your heart was thundering in, trying to get it to calm down enough that you could think past it. 

A breath escaped your mouth, shaky and shallow, but it didn’t help at all. 

You knew that you’d crossed a line, and the door to return had been shut and locked behind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! I wasn't actually sure if I would make this week's update because I've been insanely busy with school, appointments, and Thanksgiving stuff, but I made it work and I'm really happy about that.
> 
> This chapter probably has more drama in it than any of the other chapters this far. I hope I did alright in writing these interactions and making them realistic. I also hope they don't seem too haphazard because there's a reason for everything that happens. It's meant to be confusing and thought-provoking, so if I managed that, then I'm happy.
> 
> Thank you so so much to everyone who left a Kudos or who commented on the last chapter! You guys always keep me motivated and inspired to write more. I've never stuck to a story as long as I have to this one, and a lot of that credit goes to those of you who've supported me. I'm so thankful for you all. If there's ever anything that's on your mind, please feel free to leave a comment!
> 
> I hope you all are healthy and taking care! Stay safe and warm (those of you who are in colder climates, at least) and I'll see everyone soon!
> 
> Also! Fun fact! Today, the day I'm posting this, is my birthday. I'm actually really happy that it worked out like that dklfjasld. I'm now officially 20 years old so yay for that :)
> 
> UPDATE (11/30)  
> Y'ALL CHERITZ ANNOUNCED SAERAN'S AE ON TWITTER JUST SO YOU KNOW


	26. Dichotomy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everything takes an unexpected turn and nothing makes sense.

Somehow, you always ended up waiting. 

You felt like your mind was being torn apart. Your head contained a hurricane, made of the debris left behind by the chaos of your earlier fight. Your thoughts were spinning in frantic circles, smeared together, clinging to you like tiny leeches. You tried to take your mind off of everything that happened, trying to reason yourself out of obsessing, but all attempts were met with failure. 

It was torture. You were being forced to sit with all of this, the weight of your anxiety sinking to the pit of your stomach like anchors in an ocean.

You knew that the words you’d spoken and the yelling you’d subjected Saeran to had been a long time coming. You tried to reason with yourself with constant reminders that your outburst was fated to happen eventually. You could only take so much before snapping, and you’d been at your wits’ end for far too long. You’d been cornered for months, intimidated, made to feel small and unimportant. You’d stifled all of your confusing feelings, shoved them away into a drawer and held it shut with all of the force that you could muster. You’d been reduced to only allowing yourself to feel when you were alone, locked in the bathroom where nobody could interrupt you. Nobody could see your moments of weakness. You couldn’t afford for them to. 

It had been, and still was, unbearably lonely. With Ray, with Saeran, even with Miyeon, you’d cherry-picked your words and actions to suit a certain purpose. You had adopted a specific role that you needed in the various scenarios that you’d encountered. To Ray, you’d been a friend. A companion. At times, you’d been something more. You had been pretending from the start, and even as you grew more comfortable with him, you continued to pretend. The empathy that allowed you to grow close to Ray was a double-edged sword. What had once provided you the understanding needed to tailor your behavior had eventually turned into your downfall. At some point, your facade had started to blend together with reality, morphing with your weak sense of self until it all felt so real that you were stranded.

You had started to care very early on, but over the weeks it played a bigger part in your life. Though you didn’t know when, there was a point where you crossed a line and couldn’t turn back. You’d faced escape more than once, and failed to grasp it every time because you faltered. Because you cared.

You thought that resisting Mint Eye and the Savior had made you stronger than everyone else in Magenta. You looked down on the Believers, pitied them for what they had done to themselves. They were little more than shells of people. You, on the other hand, saw straight through Mint Eye and its lies, and you had felt that there was some esteem in that. You had genuinely believed that you remained the same person that you’d been when you were initially kidnapped. 

But even that was just a pretty lie that you’d crafted to keep yourself sane. You’d been just as vulnerable, and you’d suffered manipulation just like everybody else. You’d turned into something completely different too. Perhaps not a shell, but you’d diverged from your former self just the same.

And you hadn’t noticed that change in its entirety until you met Saeran. While Ray had still pushed you, made you uncomfortable, and kept you in a cage, he’d made life at Mint Eye far more comfortable than it would have been for the average captive. He’d provided you with some semblance of comfort by giving you a reasonably safe place to return you. Even though Ray was at fault for your being at Mint Eye, he also protected you from the worst that the cult had to offer. He cared about your safety. 

Saeran did none of that. 

He sneered at you and backed you into a corner. He shouted at you, insulted you with such ferocity that you were left holding your breath, waiting for it all to stop. Saeran had flipped your entire life around with ease, and he enjoyed the process of doing so. You had to control your behavior here just as much as you had to when you were in the halls of Magenta, if not more. You no longer had the option to ease up, and the hypervigilance was exhausting. 

By pushing you, forcing you into a subservient position, and removing all of the smallest comforts you’d found at Magenta, Saeran had left you completely exposed to all of the horrors that Mint Eye had to offer.

You no longer had a place to hide, and you were given no time to adapt to this new change. It was do or die, and you’d toiled more in the days following Saeran’s arrival than you had in the weeks that you spent with Ray. You hadn’t seen it coming, and you’d been left scrambling to adjust.

You initially struggled to understand the new role you were supposed to play. Saeran hated you no matter what you did. When you thought you understood what he wanted of you, you would be proven wrong without fail. You were constantly playing catch-up, but the game was rigged against you. You couldn’t win because you weren’t allowed to win.

You weren’t sure if that revelation made things easier or harder. It didn’t take any of the pressure off your shoulders. Gaining the slightest bit of understanding didn’t really change anything, and at times it felt more like a curse than anything else. You were just as stranded as you had been right after Saeran’s arrival. You were still desperate for anything to change. 

Your superficial behavior had been called into question, but it was your private self that was truly suffering. You were still incredibly lonely, just as you had been with Ray. Still inauthentic. But the added desperation and frustration of Saeran’s torment had exacerbated all of your pre-existing issues. The intensity of your distress was magnified.

So, was it really such a surprise that you’d ended up snapping? 

You’d put yourself on a pedestal for weeks, thinking that after all of your suffering and toiling, you finally understood how to keep yourself together. You were better than the Believers because you hadn’t succumbed to Mint Eye.

In reality, you had been just as lost and confused as every other Believer, just in a very different way. It was much more self-destructive, and you hadn’t realized that until you’d raised your voice and demolished the brick walls you’d been building around yourself. Your desperation, your fear, and your anger had overwhelmed you in an instant, leaving you bare in the wake of its destruction.

You met the eyes of your reflection in the bathroom mirror with a heavy sigh _._ You had been overcome with the realization that the consequences of your actions impacted you more mentally than they did physically. Even as you stared directly at your ragged reflection, you knew that it was little more than a manifestation of the conflict taking place inside of you. Whatever Saeran, or even the Savior, would do to you had nothing on the realization that you’d been far more disfigured by Mint Eye than you’d known.

It was a sobering thought, and it hurt you deeply. You were irreversibly changed, missing chunks of your former self that you knew you would never get back. You were repressed, angry, anxious. You stifled yourself until you could no longer do so, and would then explode into a furious, volatile reflection of everything you’d been hiding. 

You didn’t know yourself like this, you thought.

The fluorescent lights above you were far brighter than those in the workroom, and they made your eyes smart. 

When the pair of Believers initially came to the door, you’d feared the worst. You were hit with the overwhelming feeling that you’d finally gone too far, finally secured your own demise. Surely, you were about to be escorted back down to the basement. The same holding cell that had witnessed your initiation so long ago would now accompany you in your final moments. 

Even when they initially just said that they were there to allow you access to the restroom, you didn’t believe them. 

This was far from a common occurrence. The Believers hardly spoke to you directly, and they certainly didn’t escort you around the halls. Ray had never allowed it- he _relished_ in the opportunity to be the person that you relied on for everything. Even Saeran had dragged you back and forth, spitting curses at you all the while for wasting his time. It had been frustrating and uncomfortable, but you accepted it as something that would not change.

So why would this change so suddenly? You weren’t quick to believe that they hadn’t come to drag you to the holding cells.

When you were led to the bathroom, you came to the conclusion that there was some humanity left in this place, after all. You wasted no time in entering, locking yourself in, and taking a deep breath. You hadn’t expected the break from the workroom, and you relished the temporary freedom it allowed you. Even the air felt different, lighter. The water you’d splashed over your face cooled you down significantly, and you wanted to believe that it washed away at least some of your exhaustion. 

It wasn’t much, but it was something. And you’d learned to take what you could get when you could get it.

You continued to acquaint yourself with your reflection. It looked far more run-down than you were used to seeing, like you’d pushed past some invisible line in the hours since your last visit. The dark circles under your eyes, the stress-induced blemishes on your skin, and the slight reddening of the whites of your eyes warned you that you were deteriorating. It was hard to look at yourself. 

You knew that you would look tired. You’d been beaten down time and time again, and extreme mental stress always manifested itself physically. But seeing it like this, in the harsh, unflatteringly bright lights, only added insult to injury.

You sighed.

_This sucks._

You knew that your appearance was one of the last things you should be worrying about, but the idea of fretting over something so mundane was comforting in its own way. It took you back to a time when you could afford to spend time thinking about the inconsequential parts of life.

It would be nice for a day like that to come again, you thought.

Though you had finished up a couple of minutes ago, you were more hesitant than usual to leave the perceived safety of the bathroom. It was bright in comparison to the workroom, where the air was heavy and dreary. You relished every second that you spent away from the makeshift bunker, even if your only other option was a bathroom.

It felt private. For a second, you could be your own person again.

Your thoughts continued to wander far away from you, stretching out like fog rolling over a hill in the early morning. It was the closest feeling to peace that you could get, and you allowed yourself to exist in it for as long as you could.

It was when you heard a sharp shout outside of the door that you were jerked back to reality. You went stiff when a familiar voice reached your ears. 

_“Who told you to do that?”_ Saeran’s shout was startling, nearly splitting the air in two. The anger was clear in his voice, and it instantly kick-started your pulse.

Just like that, your momentary peace was eradicated.

Another voice, this one far more meager and clearly anxious, responded. You slowly approached the door, straining to hear the words. You put your hand on the wall beside the door as if to steady yourself, listening intently.

_“I- I’m terribly sorry-”_

_“Like hell!”_ Saeran’s interjected with fury. _“Don’t you dare mess with anything in my room!”_

You pressed your lips together. Saeran’s anger was sobering, a preview to what you were sure was to come. You hadn’t spoken with him since your earlier fight, and you had been anticipating the consequences ever since. You knew that he would be back sooner or later, but part of you was hoping that you would have at least a little bit more time. 

Your head grew hot with trepidation. As much as you tried to keep yourself calm, you found yourself plagued with an overwhelming feeling that you were about to experience significant misfortune. The single fear that had remained constant since your arrival was compounding on itself, mutating like a cancerous tumor.

You couldn’t let yourself get cleansed. You _couldn’t._

All you truly had left was your mind. If you lost that to the elixir and further mental stain, you knew that you would split apart. There was only so long that you would be able to fight before it was easier to just give in. The cleansing ceremonies were effective because the Savior was calculated, cleverly exploiting the weaknesses of drugged, vulnerable minds until they broke. 

You could never be that person. It wasn’t an option. You couldn’t lose to her by surrendering yourself to Mint Eye.

It couldn’t happen.

As your internal conflict raged back to life, the shouting in the hallway continued.

_“Get lost!”_ Saeran’s shouting was unrelenting, and you felt for the Believer bearing the brunt of it. _“Or do you want me to reserve a seat for you in the next ceremony?”_

You heard frantic apologies, quickly followed by the sound of receding footsteps. The already quiet halls of Magenta were even more silent in the wake of the commotion, not a single noise filling the gap. It was reminiscent of a forest going quiet with the presence of a predator. Everyone was trying to make themselves quiet so as not to be seen.

If only that was an option for you. 

Though you knew there was no point in trying to hide, you kept yourself as still as possible, hoping that you could prolong your peace if you didn’t draw attention to yourself. You remained leaning against the wall immediately next to the door, your fingertips resting on the tiled wall. You waited a few seconds, holding your breath all the while.

As soon as you had decided that it was okay for you to slowly start moving away from the door, the silence outside was broken by the sound of footsteps approaching the door. Before you had time to truly register the noise, there was a loud _bang_ against the door, sounding once, twice, three times. The force rattled the wooden door angrily, so sudden that it sent you leaping back with a yelp. Your hand flew to your chest as if to grasp at your heart, which was sent into a jackhammer-like frenzy. You felt lightheaded with surprise.

“Hurry up!” Saeran’s shouting, still furious, nearly made your ears ring. “Stop wasting my time!”

Your head was pounding.

_Fuck._

As much as you wanted to stay in the room for just a little bit longer, the idea of pissing Saeran off more by making him wait was far from appealing. Giving him a verbal response felt far too risky so you hurried to unlock the door and swing it open, rushing to walk out. Just as you stepped out, though, you forced yourself to come to a sudden halt, another round of shock jolting straight through you. Saeran, who had been standing right in front of the door, glared at you as you barely managed to avoid colliding straight into him. You immediately moved back away, wondering why in the hell he was standing so close to the door, but a hand shot out and caught you by the arm. His grip was unnecessarily tight, uncomfortable and constricting. 

“Enjoying yourself, doll?” Saeran demanded, yanking you back out of the relative safety of the bathroom. “I bet you _love_ wandering around here without me, don’t you?”

It was a matter of seconds before your arm began to smart, a dull ache pulsating through the limb. You felt slightly dizzy after being jerked back and forth so much, so you let Saeran tug you through the hallway.

“I had to go to the bathroom,” you argued. “Besides, they came for me.”

A glare was thrown in your direction, mint eyes smouldering with anger, and you struggled to ignore how _nervous_ it made you to be subjected to such frustration by the one person that had complete control over your life. 

“So you’re talking back now, are you?” Saeran pulled you around a corner, approaching the door to the workroom. The metal door felt like a death sentence to you, heavy and foreboding as you neared it. “Don’t go thinking you’re smart when you’re not. Arrogance doesn’t suit you, darling.”

The nickname made your stomach twist. It felt so wrong when it was used against you in this way.

Not that it ever felt right to begin with.

Still, you bit your tongue and held back the retort that was brewing in the back of your throat. You’d already been pushing the boundaries enough, you thought. You didn’t want to risk your safety even more over petty arguments.

Even if you strongly believed that Saeran was getting upset over nothing.

Saeran swiped his keycard, granting the two of you access and ushering you inside. You instantly began to feel like the dark grey walls were closing in around you. As soon as the door was shut behind you, it was like a knife had sliced the rest of Magenta away, separating you from anything that existed outside of the workroom. It felt almost eerie, the ambiance blanketing you with a feeling of discomfort. Even the dim glowing of computer screens couldn’t light the room up enough to give you any sense of relief. The room felt just as dreary as it had when you left.

So much for a break.

Saeran finally let you go to approach the desk, angrily typing something into one of the keyboards. You were left stranded in the middle of the room, completely still, contemplating whether or not it was worth making a break for the bedroom. The last place you wanted to be was near Saeran, especially after the fight that the two of you had earlier in the day. The fact that he hadn’t brought it up yet only made you feel more unsettled. 

You felt light-headed, anticipating an explosion at any moment, and the longer you waited, the more uncomfortable you felt. Saeran continued to type away at his computer, the sounds of the keys the only discernible noise in the room besides the whirring of computer equipment.

It was too quiet.

You were beginning to feel slightly too warm as you worked yourself up. You’d expected anything _but_ this. You had anticipated getting shouted at, and if not that, perhaps you would have been locked in the bedroom again.

Instead, you were standing like a lost child, gaping at Saeran. 

This was very unlike him.

Just as that thought crossed your mind, the man in question looked back at you, mint eyes narrowing on your figure.

“What are you standing around so uselessly for?” He demanded. “You look like a moron.”

The insult flew over your head, masked completely by the mixture of confusion and surprise that fluttered through your head.

After how many times you’d heard Saeran threaten to throw you out or have you cleansed, you’d truly believed that he would have followed through. He didn’t seem the type to make empty threats, and maybe you didn’t know him very well, but you’d been rather sure of that conclusion.

Were you wrong? There was no way Saeran would have just let you get away with speaking to him the way that you had.

You’d gone out of your way to start a fight with him. You’d snapped, raised your voice, yelling, relentlessly refusing to take the abuse like you usually did. In the wake of your actions, you’d been preparing for his return, dreading the realization of his threats. You had resigned yourself to the fact that something bad was going to happen. 

But it didn’t.

So how were you supposed to react to this?

Your eyebrows shot up, conveying your surprise. For just a second, you felt your guard lowering, a small hope kindling inside of you. Maybe there was a chance that you would get away relatively unscathed. 

“I- You-,” you stammered for a second, trying to collect yourself. “I just thought that-”

Your explanation, though lacking any substance, seemed to be enough. Saeran interrupted you with a scoff.

“Don’t be stupid,” he snapped, turning back around to face the computer. “Something’s come up. I’m too busy to waste my time with a bug like you right now.”

You still didn’t move from the middle of the room. 

He actually wasn’t planning on doing anything to you? Were you supposed to believe that?

Watching Saeran focus on the computer once more, though, prompted you to believe that maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he really couldn’t find the time to carry through with any of his threats, despite the severity of your loss of control earlier. As more time passed, your doubt slowly began to waver. 

Though you couldn’t quite relax, you began to ease up ever so slightly as the seconds passed. It was an improvement, even if only a slight one.

But it was Saeran’s other comment that caught your attention- the reason why he had decided not to make your life a living hell. _Something’s come up._

Several thoughts crossed your mind at that. The first one was simple- what could have happened that would have distracted Saeran from your blatant disrespect earlier? It must have been important enough, because you knew that little could draw his attention away from a source of anger once he got going. You couldn’t help feeling curious- what crisis would you have to thank for sparing your life?

The second thought was a little more nuanced.

You saw an opportunity in his remark. Though it seemed that you’d cheated your way out of an unfair misfortune, you were still extremely aware that your position in Mint Eye was fragile, threatened by both Saeran and the Savior. You were treading on thin ice, and every time you did something wrong, the ice cracked just a little bit more. It was only a matter of time before it completely shattered beneath you. 

With Ray, not much had been expected of you. You were brought to Mint Eye as an assistant but barely did any work. Even the coding and programming you’d been forced to practice at first had eventually tapered off. You were hopelessly bad at the one thing that you’d been expected to do, but it wasn’t detrimental to your survival. Ray was just happy to have you around.

Saeran was not. That left you in a far more unstable position. You were an assistant that didn’t actually assist with anything.

But if you could bring some value to yourself as a member of Mint Eye, you needed to seize the opportunity. You didn’t want to rely on unexpected emergencies to save your ass every time you screwed up, which happened far too often than was desirable.

Something would give eventually, and you wanted to put it off for as long as you could. You had to hold out until the RFA came to rescue you, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were rapidly running out of time. 

You wrung your fingers together, trying to choose your words as carefully as possible. “What- What’s come up? Is it something I can help with?” The questions felt awkward on your tongue.

Saeran stilled. 

There was only a split second of silence, during which your nerves instantly compounded, straining at your already fragile resolve. You could immediately tell that your suggestion felt as forced to him as it did to you. It didn’t take long for you to be overcome with the worry that you had made a grave mistake, stepping into territory you weren’t meant to be in. Your fears were realized when Saeran spun back around to face you, throwing you a volatile glare. His mint eyes blazed, like sharp, blue fire.

Your mouth immediately went dry.

_Fuck._

“Why?” He wasted no time in taking furious steps toward you. “So you can sweet talk me? Are you going to try to take advantage of me like you did Ray?”

Saeran’s words stung, just like they were meant to. There was a strange, crazed edge to his eyes, pupils dilated as they bored into you. You felt like he was looking straight into your mind, and that only increased your discomfort. 

Saeran had already made it clear that he knew you had been taking advantage of Ray’s feelings. Even though you’d done so out of necessity, you knew the whole time that it had been a dirty trick. What else were you supposed to do? There were no other angles for you to work with.

But Saeran said it like you’d committed a mortal sin. Like _you_ were the twisted one, the monster. Like you should be ashamed of yourself, not only for exploiting Ray’s feelings, but for getting caught.

And it worked, to a certain extent. You felt uncomfortable, almost dirty, like your hands were stained with the mess that you’d created. Like no matter how much you scrubbed at the tainted skin, you couldn’t erase what you’d done. 

Still, you tried to reason with yourself. You’d been kidnapped. Drugged. Held hostage. Your entire world had been ripped out from beneath you, and you still resorted to befriending your captor. Even if your feelings eventually became rooted in reality, you knew that it was only a result of doing what you had to do to survive.

Mint Eye didn’t play by the rules, so neither could you. You knew that.

Still, your reasoning didn’t stop your head from growing hot. You went rigid as Saeran approached, and it was a struggle not to back up in an attempt to keep the distance between the two of you. 

“Ray’s stupid for letting you play him like that,” Saeran continued. “When someone acts the way he does, they should expect for others to manipulate them, right?”

He was getting too close, stalking towards you like you were prey to be hunted. Your stomach twisted with immense discomfort, forcing upon you the urge to move away.

But you wouldn’t let Saeran back you into a corner again. You couldn’t let him push you against a wall and block your escape. Backing up wouldn’t get you anywhere.

Even if directly fighting back was too risky to be an option, you couldn’t keep submitting, either. 

Saeran reached forward in an instant, wrapping his hand around your upper arm and yanking you towards him. You kept your footing even as your arm was twisted upwards slightly, stuck between the two of you like a barrier not to be crossed. Saeran was so close that you could feel the warmth from his body. The two of you shared the same air for a second, so close that you could see bright red eyelashes curling upwards.

Something speared through your chest in that moment, and try as you might, you weren’t able to completely ignore it. 

You knew that Saeran wasn’t Ray. He went out of his way to prove that to you constantly- you couldn’t forget. But when you caught sight of certain characteristics, like red eyelashes and the curvature of his lips, it still stung.

“Let me make this clear,” Saeran’s voice lowered, full of poison. His breath ghosted across your face as he leaned into you, grip on your arm only tightening. “You won’t be able to pull that on me. I’m not like Ray. I’m not weak. I’m not going to fawn over you like some airheaded moron. You make me sick.”

His words were volatile, aggressive, shot with precision, and they hit their target. Though you knew that there was no point in letting Saeran get to you, you couldn’t ignore the way that your chest smarted, listening to a voice you had come to cherish throwing insult after insult after you.

Saeran wanted to break you down completely.

“Just because I wasn’t able to get rid of you just yet doesn’t mean you have free reign. Know your place,” he hissed. “If I want you to stand in a corner for hours and stare at a wall, you will. If I want you to sit in the closet, you will. Don’t go thinking that you’re equal to me. You already piss me off enough.”

You grit your teeth, choking on words you didn’t dare speak. No matter what you did, you would always lose.

A short, tense silence fell upon the room as you held his gaze, meeting his glare with one of your own. Your head was hot with frustration, and you kept your captive arm so rigid that it began to cramp at the shoulder. Saeran was so impossibly close to you, like he was trying to intimidate you into submission.

You didn’t want to give in. You had gotten a taste of fighting back before, and the rush it had given you was addicting. Knowing that you were capable of standing up to yourself for a certain degree made the urge to continue doing so that much stronger. It was a trap, and you knew that, because you were already living on borrowed time. Just because you’d gotten away with it once didn’t mean that it was safe to continue fighting battles that you couldn’t win.

So you bit your tongue and choked on the words stuck in your throat.

It was a learning curve. You knew that. Just like with Ray, you would have to learn how to behave and what to say to keep yourself as safe as possible. You knew that with Saeran, you could never win. But you could try to stop yourself from losing too hard.

Your heart thumped incessantly in your chest, which felt tighter and tighter with every passing second. You were uncomfortably close to Saeran, and that made the intensity of his stare that much stronger. You knew it was an intimidation tactic, but all it did was make you hyper aware of every movement you made. He seemed even more unhinged than usual, mouth twisted into a scowl, eyes smoldering, focused only on you.

Saeran was foreign. Every word from his mouth and every movement he made was a stark contrast from what you were used to, and it threw you off with ease. Though you’d come to expect his anger, you still couldn’t predict him. Despite all of that, though, there remained something dangerously familiar about him. 

You knew that it was a result of your weeks with Ray. It was inconvenient, misleading, and upsetting.

You were angry. You were exhausted. You wanted to hate Saeran, and you knew that you _should_ hate him.

But you couldn’t. 

Despite the many, countless differences between Saeran and Ray, you found that you were running into the exact same dilemma with the both of them. You were torn between how you should feel and how you actually felt.

It was like there was always something holding you back. The world was working against you.

But either way, you were completely, utterly screwed.

Saeran scoffed when you didn’t respond

“Useless,” he finally leaned back, only to tug you along with him as he approached the bedroom. “Can’t even answer me properly.”

Saeran pushed you into the dark room. Though you didn't stumble or lose your footing this time, your frustration grew. You were getting sick of the constant pushing and pulling, but you didn’t dare say anything out loud.

_Not now._

“Stay in here and don’t bother me,” Saeran ordered. “I don’t have time to deal with you right now. Make a noise and you’ll regret it.”

And with that, Saeran left you in the bedroom, neglecting to shut the door, and returned to his computer. You noted that his typing was louder, slightly faster than before, like every time he pressed a key, he was taking out his frustration. You could feel the irritation from your room but you tried to brush it off as well as you could. You took a seat on your bed, hanging your head and massaging your temples. It did little to abate your exasperation. 

Every time you tried to take a step forward, you felt like you only ended up stuck in mud.

There were no opportunities for you to gain any sort of footing in Mint Eye. Without Ray to give you a pass from the cult’s regular rules and expectations, you struggled to find a way to keep yourself important enough to maintain relative safety. You were on your own, and you weren’t doing well.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that time was running out. Whatever fun Saeran initially had in tormenting you was giving way to irritation, and you found that even more disturbing than the initial taunting. At least the bullying gave him some sort of satisfaction, thereby prolonging your time alive. 

Whatever was going on now wasn’t getting you anywhere. 

The clock was ticking, and it was loud in your ears.

As you tried and failed to settle in somewhat, comfort elusive in the wake of all of the recent chaos, time slowly inched by. You had nothing to do to keep yourself busy, and staring into space quickly got boring. 

There was nothing to keep your mind occupied. You couldn’t plan for anything like you had when you were with Miyeon. You couldn’t so much as leave this room. 

All you could do was bide your time.

You leaned back against the bed, picking at your cuticles absentmindedly. You didn’t notice as they slowly grew raw, the occasional stinging not quite enough to break through the fog around your mind.

The slow passing of time was nearly torturous. You only grew more and more antsy, checking the time on your phone every few minutes, watching as the hours of the evening slowly gave way to nighttime. The air slowly seemed to grow heavier, as if resembling the darkness that had surely descended upon the world outside. You began to wind down somewhat, contemplating the possibility of trying to get some sleep. If nothing else, it would give you respite from the boredom that you couldn’t escape.

A series of knocks against the door of the workroom snapped you out of your reverie. You sat up straight, straining your ears in an attempt to hear the person outside.

“What?” Saeran snapped over his shoulder, typing ceasing momentarily.

_“Ah- Mr. Saeran, I have a delivery from the Savior.”_ The voice from outside seemed almost anxious, and you couldn’t quite blame them. 

“Come in.”

You heard the unlocking of the door before it was opened. You craned your neck a bit, trying to peer into the workroom from your perch on the bed. You didn’t see the Believer until he approached the desk. Though clad in intimidating dark robes, the Believer seemed strangely small, as if trying to shrink back from Saeran. The glinting of mint liquid inside two glass bottles, managed to reflect the meager lighting in the room. As soon as it caught your eye, your heart froze over.

Instantly, anxiety flooded your system. You gripped your pillow with a single hand, already starting to sweat.

“The Savior sends you these,” the Believer held the bottles out. The elixir swayed in the glass prison, deceptively pretty, like saturated liquid moonlight.

Saeran took the bottles, setting them down on the desk unceremoniously. They clinked together innocently. “Gi.”

You sat silently, almost holding your breath. The Believer seemed to mirror your apprehension, wringing his hands together in a display of surprising humanity. It was something that Magenta usually lacked.

“You- You see- That is, I’m supposed to watch the assistant drink the elixir of salvation.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach. The rate of your breathing instantly sped up, shoulders rising and falling faster and faster as your chest tightened. Nothing riled you up as quickly as the thought of drinking that elixir.

You could feel the cold, stone ground beneath your hands.

Your entire body felt cold, and your fingertips tingled.

You were doomed. 

That statement garnered Saeran’s full attention. He turned towards the Believer, eyebrows slanting downwards, and stood up to face him.

“Like hell,” he snapped, voice filling with irritation. “Get out.”

Your grip on the pillow tightened. The fabric bunched up in your palms, and the slow accumulation of a cold sweat stung your mangled cuticles. 

The Believer took a step back, clearly intimidate, and attempted to stand his ground. “But the Savior-”

“Before the Savior left, she put _me_ in charge. Didn’t you hear?” Anger was slowly accumulating in Saeran’s voice. “And I’m telling you to _get out_!”

The sudden shout jolted you. The believer mumbled a quick apology before turning and taking his leave, footsteps receding with surprising speed. The door shut and locked itself into place, and an unsettling quiet descended upon the room.

Your head was spinning.

_The Savior left already?_

You remained unmoving, still completely rigid, adrenaline coursing throughout your body with such intensity that you felt nauseous. You continued to listen as Saeran huffed, mumbled something indiscernible, and turned back to his desk. He pulled his chair, the wheels rattling noisily across the room, and sat down, going straight back to work.

You continued resisting the urge to move, waiting for something to happen.

Nothing did. You began to falter.

Was Saeran not going to make you take the elixir?

That thought brought another wave of confusion with it, leaving you feeling unsettled and uncomfortable. Not for the first time, the immense inconsistency that followed Saeran’s words and actions left you feeling bewildered.

Sure, you didn’t _want_ to take the elixir. But something about this setup left a sour taste in your mouth. You didn’t understand what was going on, and you didn’t like that. A part of you expected this to be some elaborate joke, set up to raise your hopes right before crushing them. You remained on your bed, still sitting up straight, as if mentally preparing yourself for that possibility.

It never came. 

When a few more silent minutes passed, you began to allow yourself to move again. You pushed yourself off of the bed as silently as you could, pulse still threading, and made your way over to the door. There was a part of you that adamantly wanted to know what was going on. If Saeran was going to make you take the elixir, you thought, you wanted to know. And if not, you wanted to know that for sure, too.

Your hands were clammy as you came to a stop in the doorway. Your eyes falling upon Saeran, still typing away with a slight frown, illuminated by the dim glow of the monitors. There was something rushed about his movements. Where Ray had aimed for accuracy, Saeran seemed to focus more on speed. He was chaotic, quick, and incredibly dedicated to whatever he was doing.

You glanced over at the two bottles of elixir. The liquid seemed to glow faintly amidst the feeble lighting of the room. Even the sight of them was enough to make your skin crawl, prickling with goosebumps. The elixir had always retained a very special place in your mind. Try as you might, the memories of your initiation tormented you unrelentlessly. The taste of that chemical concoction as it slid down your throat, burning you from the inside out, was impossible to forget. 

Your time at Mint Eye had been overwhelmingly negative. But nothing topped that first night. Every time you saw the elixir, it all just seemed to come back tenfold. It was a reminder of your vulnerability, that you had been taken advantage of, and that it could happen again at any time. It was sobering, carrying with it an immense terror that you could never quite shake. 

You longed for the day that you wouldn’t have to live in fear of the elixir, or anything about Mint Eye. But you didn’t know if that day would ever come.

“Hey, idiot. What are you doing?” 

You snapped out of your mind at the question, your gaze returning to Saeran. He frowned at you, clearly annoyed, mint eyes a haunting reflection of the liquid you were so afraid of.

Though you didn’t exactly want Saeran to know that you harbored such fright over the elixir, your desire to ascertain whether or not you actually had to drink it was overwhelming.

_Fuck it._

You pointed at the elixir. “Is one of those for me?” You attempted to downplay your unease by keeping the question as neutral as possible.

Saeran scoffed. 

“Like hell. I’m not wasting the elixir on someone as useless as you. You’re not worth the time.”

His response, though it lifted a weight from your shoulders, perplexed you. 

Clearly, it was important to the Savior to ensure that you were drinking it. You were sure that she knew Ray had been giving you shortcuts. You were far from doped up, so different from the Believers, who wandered around like they were walking through a thick haze at all times. Was it because you had been acting out that the Savior suddenly prioritized having you drink the elixir?

If that was the case, it bewildered you. Why was Saeran not jumping at the opportunity to please the Savior and cause you pain at the same time? Shouldn’t this have been right up his alley?

You stared at him blankly.

“What, are you shocked? Don’t tell me you thought you were important enough to drink the elixir.” Saeran’s words were clearly meant to mock you, but at that moment you weren’t bothered. In the wake of having eluded such danger, you found yourself feeling almost relaxed in comparison.

“Well no, but-” you paused for a second, trying to find the right words. “The Believer said that-”

Again, you were interrupted.

“Like I said, we’re not wasting the elixir on you. Stop making me repeat myself!” Saeran snapped the last sentence at you, prompting you to shut your mouth. “The only reason you’re here at all is because I’m choosing not to get rid of you yet. If it weren’t for me, you’d be gone. Get it?”

As disconcerting as Saeran’s words were, you couldn’t claim that they weren’t true. He wasn’t wrong. You’d gotten yourself into more than enough trouble to warrant a cleansing, and you knew that. If you were any other Believer, you likely would have been cleansed a few times over again.

As much as you wanted to think otherwise, your survival wasn’t because of your own skills. Neither was it because of luck. It was because you were forced to rely on somebody else.

You hated to admit that a part of you was grateful. You tried to tell yourself that you were lucky to not have to drink the elixir. You were even luckier to be alive at all. You were likely one of the only people at Mint Eye awarded such a privilege. Even if Saeran wasn’t helping you on purpose, he was still helping you.

You weren’t itching to express that sentiment to him, though.

So you nodded. “Yeah, I get it.”

“Then, you’d better start listening to what I say,” Saeran continued. “Your existence at this place depends on me, so you’d better not piss me off.”

You nodded again, this time not saying anything. Somehow, you felt conflicted.

Saeran eyed you for a second, like he was trying to assess your reaction. He didn’t say anything, but there was something in his gaze that prompted you to think. 

You could never quite read Saeran. He was guarded, lashing out at anyone that came near. That put you in a strange position as someone who was forced to be around him. It was strange. You were there, despite Saeran not wanting you there.

There was something inherently strange about the way he treated you. You were sure that there was something more behind it, but you weren’t sure what. The only thing that you had truly caught onto was the obvious dichotomy between his words and actions. You wondered if Saeran noticed it, or if he was completely oblivious.

As Saeran stared at you, eyebrows downturned, you realized that this was the first conversation you’d had with him that didn’t end in you being shoved around or screamed at. Although Saeran’s words were sharp, callous as always, this interaction hadn’t escalated in the same way as all of the previous ones had.

Saeran was looking at you strangely. Something in his gaze seemed calculating, like he was trying to figure you out. You met his gaze, just as silent, wondering if there was something that you had missed. There was a massive gap in your understanding of Saeran, and despite the hostility that he treated you with, you wanted to fill that gap. If nothing else, it would make your life a little bit easier.

Perhaps you would have to learn to be okay with not knowing. 

But you didn’t want that.

Saeran finally seemed to have enough.

“Why are you _still_ standing there like that?” He demanded. “Are you trying to look more useless than you already are? Is your head that empty?”

You didn’t respond.

Your head certainly _felt_ empty. None of this had made any sense from the very beginning. You had been lost far before Ray contacted you in that cafe.

There was a deep, unrelenting exhaustion inside of you.

“You look like you have something to say, so I’ll be nice and let you.” Mint eyes were trained on you. “Spit it out.”

With the opportunity handed to you on a silver platter, you thought back to your earlier request. It had ended poorly last time, but you told yourself that maybe, with Saeran in a less volatile mood, it would go over better if you tried again now.

So you met his gaze, your response slipping from you with surprising ease. “I’d like to be helpful.”

Saeran’s eyebrows narrowed, unimpressed. “You’re not,” he rebutted instantly. “But you should be. An assistant is useless if they don’t do anything. And you creep me out when you stare like that.”

Saeran turned away from you for a second, reaching over the desk. He grabbed one of the laptops that had been open and held it out to you. You took the laptop from him, balancing it in your grip. It must have been a similar model to the one that you’d had before, because the grooves and edges of the laptop felt comfortingly familiar in your hands.

“Wipe everything from it,” he ordered. “Don’t leave anything behind. And don’t try to sneak around or look at anything, because I’ll know. If you do, I’ll make you regret it.”

The aluminum was cool against your skin. Clearly, the laptop hadn’t been turned on for a while.

“I won’t.”

Saeran looked at you for a few seconds longer before he turned back to his computer, starting to type again without another word. A silence fell over the room, still comfortable but not quite as bad as the one that you were used to. With the laptop in hand, you made your way over to the wall directly next to the bedroom door and sat down, propping yourself up against the wall. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, but it was a welcome change from your room. You put the computer onto your lap and held down the power button. It whirred to life slowly, the screen loading for a few seconds before granting you access. Mint Eye’s logo greeted you, the iris of the eye capturing you in its gaze.

You pressed your lips together. You hated that logo.

But the laptop itself was a reminder of times not quite as bad as now, and you welcomed it.

With that in mind, you got to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas- I have returned. So much happened since the last update, I'm surprised I was able to get this done on time. My brother brought COVID to the house, we've all had to self-isolate for two weeks now since everyone's getting sick, we still have two weeks to isolate, I unfortunately caught the virus (still trying to get over it, it's been weeks) and had to drop a class because I couldn't finish it-
> 
> -essentially, I'm surprised I'm still alive. Saeran's after ending has been seeing me through. I'm on day 3 (no spoilers, please!) and am having the time of my life playing through it haha. I hope many of you have been able to play it, as well!
> 
> Anyways, this chapter- a lot's going on, especially beneath the surface, and I'm looking forward to your guys's reactions to this because I have quite a bit in store. I can't give anything away, of course, so just know that I'm excited.
> 
> Anyways- hope everyone's well! Thank you as always to everyone who left kudos/commented on the last chapter. It's always incredibly motivating, especially these last three weeks, and I love hearing what everyone has to say. If you ever have any thoughts, please feel free to comment! I adore interacting with you guys and getting your opinions on the fic :) Hopefully, since I'm on break, I'll be able to update sooner.
> 
> Take care, everyone! Stay safe, and happy holidays to any of you who celebrate! :)
> 
> Also! Not sure if any of you are interested, but I made a tumblr (@ilupant) and have been posting my writing there for about a week or so. I thought it would be nice to interact with more people who also enjoy mysme, and it's been so much fun. So if any of you have a tumblr and want to interact a bit more (since ao3 doesn't really allow that), you can do that there. I'll also take requests as soon as I get everything set up, if anyone's interested :)


	27. Quicksand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you experience calm for the first time, preparing yourself for the storm that’s sure to come after.

For the first time since you’d met Saeran, there seemed to be a silent agreement between the two of you. This was the first time you’d spent more than a few minutes around him without being subjected to jeering, torment, and shouting. You were used to the air being tense, angry, and constantly on the precipice of snapping in two. Every interaction between you and Saeran had ended with you being thrown into a world of hurt. You’d come to expect it.

Your time with Saeran had been extremely different from what you had been used to. Your relatively comfortable routine with Ray had been demolished in seconds, and you were initially left on guard, scrambling to avoid any confrontation by quietly trying to stay out of Saeran’s way. You thought that making yourself disappear would spare you from Saeran’s anger, but that only prompted him to seek you out. Eventually, you had learned that there wasn’t much that you could do to prevent the inevitable. The entire point of your interactions with Saeran was for you to be the loser, because Saeran would accept nothing less than complete domination. 

Your role had taken a turn. You were someone for Saeran to torment, someone to throw insults and threats at. You forced yourself to submit, worried that he would act on his threats with the slightest provocation from you. You knew that any of your actions could make the difference between life and death and that if Saeran was looking for an opportunity to get rid of you, he could easily find it. 

Keeping your head down had seemed the best option at first. Saeran had apparently come to expect that from you, as well.

So, when you had snapped and fought back, shouting at Saeran and letting loose all of the frustration that you’d been keeping to yourself since arriving at Mint Eye, you fully expected your life to come to a swift end. You knew what your place was, yet you directly went against the rules laid out for you. With Saeran, that may as well have signed your death warrant.

Contrary to your expectations, everything had been eerily quiet between the two of you since then.

You had been anticipating your fate. You’d been prepared to greet the same holding cells that had watched you suffer through your initiation, witnessing the effects of the elixir as it destroyed you from the inside out. You had expected to await your inevitable end in the corner of the cold, stone cell, desperately clinging to what little bravery you had left.

Instead, you were sitting silently in the workroom, somehow having convinced Saeran to give you something to do.

This was a first.

You had never expected anything like this to happen. Especially not after the fight you two had just had. You weren’t sitting in a holding cell, contemplating the inevitable end of everything like you had expected. You weren’t even locked in your bedroom, which had happened a handful of times already. Instead, you had somehow managed to prompt Saeran to give you something to do, a menial job that, while not inherently demanding, at least proved that you were of some use. You felt a small victory in your accomplishment, knowing that even if Saeran tried to deny that you had anything worthwhile to offer, you had still been given an opportunity to prove otherwise. It was enough to renew your motivation.

This was evidence that something was changing. Though you were pleased with the developments thus far, the fact remained that you didn’t know why Saeran had gone from tormenting you relentlessly to actually giving you something to do. It was the very last thing you had expected, especially after his reaction when you asked to help him the first time. The change was so sudden that you weren’t sure if it were last. Part of you expected him to whirl around in his seat to jeer at you, making fun of you for ever believing that he would consider you useful.

That thought churned in your head for quite some time. You remained sitting on the floor, propped up against the wall for long enough that your backside had started to ache. Over time, your fears began to abide somewhat. The longer Saeran went without speaking to you, the safer you felt. You were coming to learn that if Saeran was speaking to you, you were in trouble. The silence was a welcome break, allowing you some semblance of reassurance that, for the time being, things were okay.

Things weren’t really okay, and you knew that. But this was as close as you were going to get.

Apparently, the brief time that you had spent learning to code was just enough to give you a surface-level understanding of computers and some of their nuances. You had been instructed to back up all of the files in this system to a separate server before eradicating them completely, which would eventually result in a laptop with nothing on it. The task was menial and somewhat slow, but it kept you busy and made the time pass a little bit faster.

You had been warned against trying to look at the files, and you didn’t dare go against what you had been told. Though you weren’t sure if there was any substance to Saeran’s claims that he would know if you were up to something unpleasant, you didn’t want to risk igniting a flame that could easily spiral out of your control. You had just regained some semblance of freedom and responsibility, and you weren’t about to throw out the hard work you had put into your victory.

So, the silence persisted. No words were shared between the two of you. Besides Saeran’s occasional angry muttering, the whirring of computers, and the sound of keyboards clacking, it was completely quiet. The room was almost comfortable, allowing you to relax your tense shoulders for the first time. You had stopped glancing up at Saeran repeatedly, allowing yourself to believe that it was okay to assume that nothing bad would happen for the time being.

This only reinforced your initial belief that as long as no words were shared, there would be few problems. You spent your time dragging files back and forth, watching progress bars fill from zero to one-hundred, and occasionally typing strings of commands into the laptop to delete the backed up files. Some of them copied quickly, allowing you to delete them within seconds, but others took a frustratingly long time.

Your mindless busywork kept you occupied for longer than you had expected. But you were grateful for the momentary respite from your usual worries.

You wondered if this was what being an assistant at Mint Eye was supposed to be like. Was this the kind of work that you had initially been expected to do? Ray had never forced you to do anything after your initial failure at learning how to program. Though you were sure that you could have developed your skills somewhat, the fact remained that you were far too slow and worthlessly inept at programming in comparison to Ray. There wasn’t much else you could do in the workroom, so that left you with a frustratingly little amount of things to keep you busy.

This was an interesting change, and you didn’t hate it. You almost felt as if you were finally being given the chance to use your brain again, even if it was only a little. You hadn’t had to think too hard about anything since Miyeon and V’s escapes. The time that you had spent scheming with Miyeon was becoming more and more of a memory by the day, and your life had been limited even more after she left.

You felt sobered at the thought of Miyeon, V, and the RFA. You went out of your way to avoid remembering them too much. It felt like it had been years since you’d last spoken to them. Years since Miyeon promised you that they’d come back for you.

Even from the beginning, you weren’t sure whether or not to believe in that promise. You trusted Miyeon greatly, but you knew the dangers of her coming back here. Magenta was a spider web, a sticky trap. If Miyeon returned and got stuck, there was a chance that she would never get out again. You were trapped in the heart of Magenta, behind locked doors, constantly under careful scrutiny. Trying to break you out of Mint Eye was a suicide mission. You harbored a constant, silent dilemma within you, wishing that somebody would help you while also not wanting anyone to endanger themselves.

You knew that more than likely, you would have to break yourself out of Magenta.

How would you do that, though?

You watched as the loading bar for the final file slowly filled itself up, still lost in your own thoughts.

And even if you did escape from Mint Eye, what would you do? You didn’t have a home to return to. You didn’t have any family missing you. There was no job awaiting you, no semblance of stability whatsoever.

You didn’t like to entertain those thoughts, especially when you weren’t sure if there was any possibility of you actually escaping. The reasons why you were an easy target were the very circumstances that would prevent you from assimilating back into society. That was the magic of Mint Eye and the Savior. They took advantage of those that had nowhere else to go and were able to keep them stuck for the very same reasons. Where would they return to?

The progress bar finally filled up completely, drawing you back out of your thoughts. You closed the download screen before your fingers tapped away at the keyboards a few times, hashing out a couple of commands, and the file was wiped from the system.

You were done with that part of your job, at least.

You looked back over at Saeran, still hunched over his desk, typing away furiously at one of the keyboards. You stole a glance at his screens, taking advantage of his back being turned to you. Many of the monitors had strings of code far too complicated for you to decipher. One of the other screens depicted what you could now identify as the RFA server, displaying the logs of the recent chat rooms. You weren’t able to read any of the chatrooms themselves, but it comforted you to see the handles of the RFA members, most of which had been banned from the app before. 

You hadn’t known that they had regained access, but it comforted you somewhat. Seeing that Miyeon had accessed the messenger brought you some solace. At the very least, you knew that she was okay.

Your eyes darted away from the screens when Saeran shifted in his seat, your breath catching in your throat. He didn’t turn around, though, and you were able to relax a little bit, exhaling quietly.

It was exhausting to always be on guard. Your heart simmered down from the brief shock slowly, threading back to its normal speed. The last thing you wanted was for Saeran to catch you staring at the screens he was working on. He would assume that you were trying to steal some sort of information. You were already on thin ice as it was.

Your eyes returned to your laptop screen. Though you were done with the task you’d been given, you sat silently, waiting as time passed you by slowly. It hadn’t taken you long to get into the routine of copying and deleting files, a relatively mundane and repetitive task. You had finished in a modest amount of time, but you dreaded having to return to your room and staring at the wall for hours on end. You also didn’t want to break the silence, which had been keeping you safe from confrontation. The relative peace that you’d been experiencing was something you weren’t looking forward to letting go of. It was an illusion, but it had also been nice- in its own way.

But you figured that giving Saeran the impression that you were slow would only work against you in the long run. If you wanted to seize another opportunity of being given something to do, you would have to prove that you were worthy.

Baby steps. If you were lucky, these sacrifices would add up to something in the future.

Still, that didn’t make breaking the silence any less intimidating. 

“I’m done,” your voice felt odd as it cut through the air, effectively shattering the quiet that had settled in the room. “I’ve copied everything and wiped the files.”

For the first time since you’d started working, Saeran looked over his shoulder at you.

“Took you long enough,” was his response, though his voice was considerably less malicious than usual. “Did you wipe the entire system yet?”

You paused. “No. Should I?”

“Don’t,” Saeran swiveled back around and sat up a little bit straighter. He began to type something into his computer, fingers dancing across the computer impressively fast. You waited, not saying a word as the sound of the keys clacking filled the room. A few seconds later, your laptop received an incoming folder with multiple files. You refrained from opening it.

“Those are recordings of security footage from the different cameras in Magenta,” Saeran looked back over at you. “For each camera, splice out five-minute-long loops. Don’t make it obvious that they’re looping.”

This next job piqued your interest. This, along with the transferring and deleting of earlier files, carried certain implications that you didn’t quite understand yet. It was like Saeran was preparing for something, but you didn’t know what. All you knew was that you were getting a strange feeling.

When you didn’t immediately respond, Saeran threw a frown in your direction. His voice filled with renewed annoyance. “What? Don’t tell me you’re too stupid to splice video files.”

Immediately, you rushed to stop that train of thought before it spun out of control.

“No, no, I can do it,” you insisted. “It won’t take long.”

Saeran’s eyes lingered on you for a few seconds longer before he finally spoke again. “Then stop daydreaming like an idiot. You’re wasting time.”

“Sorry,” the apology wasn’t genuine on your part, but you hoped it would fizzle out this flame as quickly as possible.

Saeran scoffed, as if he was intent on getting the last word in. You were relieved when he finally turned back around, returning to whatever he’d been doing on his computer. When he began typing again, you noticed that the sound was slightly more aggressive.

Still, you’d dodged a bullet. With Saeran’s gaze away from you once again, you started to feel a little bit more comfortable. You double-clicked on the file, watching as it expanded and opened up, displaying videos of security footage taken over the last few days. You shuffled through them, surprise lifting your eyebrows slightly when you realized that several of these feeds depicted rooms and hallways that you’d never seen before.

It was strange. The task that you had been given didn’t quite sit right for you. You’d been kept out of the majority of Magenta for months, confined to a small number of rooms and hallways since your arrival. You being allowed sudden access to these feeds and the unfamiliar parts of the building felt incredibly off. It didn’t fit in with the rest of your experience.

You were left wondering why you were suddenly being allowed to see this. Was there no longer any concern that you would try and escape?

But that didn’t make sense, either. If anything, you’d been more combative in the last week than you had been in the entirety of the two months since you’d been kidnapped. The restrictions placed on you should be tightening, not loosening.

It was clear that something was different. Under the usual circumstances, you would never be allowed to see something like this. You couldn’t fathom what could have changed enough for you to be permitted to see security footage of the entirety of Magenta, but you knew that it wasn’t because of any increase in trust. You doubted that anyone in Mint Eye would ever truly trust you.

Something else was going on, and that thought was as foreboding as it was confusing. It gave you a bad feeling that you couldn’t quite shake.

You continued to look through the footage, trying to satisfy your ever-present curiosity about Magenta. You were able to see various hallways and rooms, many of them communal and more boring than you had expected from a cult. There was footage of the garden. The flowers and foliage looked especially pretty from a higher angle, like bundles of color plucked directly from a rainbow and sprinkled upon the ground. You could practically envision yourself back in the garden if you tried hard enough.

You missed it.

Pushing that thought aside, you continued to flip through different cameras. There was one particular video, however, that caused you to go completely still. A cold sweat washed over you, your eyes widening ever so slightly.

This was the exit.

You were looking at the exit from Magenta, something you never thought you’d see.

A pair of dark, wooden double-doors, curved at the top to fit into a fancy archway. The doors briefly opened as somebody walked outside. The sun’s rays splayed across the ground and reached inside for just a second, illuminating the glittering white floors. When peering out of the door, you could barely make out a stone pathway surrounded by green grass. The angle was limited but it was a start, and it was enough to prompt your heart to start racing.

You struggled to keep your breathing even, trying to remain as calm as you could on the outside. You spent a few seconds longer examining the entryway, and when you decided that you had gotten all that you could from it, you moved on. The next clip showed the entrance from the outside, the camera angled to watch all who neared the doors.

The first thing you noticed was the trees. They were everywhere, thickly stuffed off to either side of the building, reaching up into the sky with vivid, blue-green leaves. The forest was dense on both sides of the building, and the stone pathway that you’d seen earlier seemed to be in the center of either side, surrounded by several yards of green grass that cut the forest in half.

You remembered Ray saying that Magenta was located somewhere in the mountains during his first phone call with Miyeon. Though you couldn’t see the true expanse of the trees out of this camera, there was no doubt in your mind that you were somewhere very secluded. You had known from the very beginning that a large cult likely wouldn’t be in the middle of the city, but a visual confirmation somehow changed things. It made you feel that much more isolated. 

You allowed your eyes to take in as much as possible through the view of the camera, ghosting across the stone pathway and the trees. There wasn’t much you could glean at all, nothing helpful beyond the confirmation of assumptions you made long ago.

You had to move on for now.

You started your work, fingers trembling slightly as you selected one of the videos to splice. You attempted to work quickly, using the footage to try mapping a route from the workroom to the exit. Magenta was somehow much larger than you thought and the workroom was right in the middle of the building, as far as you could tell. As a result, your goal was difficult to achieve. Still, you couldn’t waste this opportunity, so you tried to remain as stoic as possible as you flipped from tape to tape.

* * *

You were almost done with your second job.

Despite your initial claim that you would be able to finish it relatively quickly, the effort that you’d put into trying to memorize the route to the entrance increased the time that it took for you to work. Though you were afraid of getting caught, the desire to grasp a chance at freedom was impossible to ignore. You had never been able to go anywhere beyond the throne room and Miyeon’s former bedroom. Your movements had been limited since the beginning. But after V and Miyeon’s escape, the range of areas available to you decreased even more. Because of that, there was little that you could do to actually plan an escape.

This was the first real chance that you’d gotten since then. You couldn’t let it slip away from you. 

Despite your newfound confidence, your paranoia had also begun to increase. You found yourself glancing up at Saeran far more than you had while working on your first job, knowing that you were no longer completely submitting. You needed the small reminders that he hadn’t noticed and that you were still in the clear.

You found it hard to believe that Saeran would give you a job like this unless he was absolutely certain that it wouldn’t matter whether or not you could memorize a way outside. He was far from stupid, and he had made it clear that he knew of your intentions to leave. There was a sour taste in your mouth when you considered that there was likely more going on than you being clued in on. 

Were you being led into a trap? Or did it just not matter if you knew or not? Was Saeran that certain that this access wouldn’t change anything for you?

Either way, it didn’t feel right. There was no doubt in your mind that something was happening beneath the surface, where you couldn’t see. But you couldn’t let this chance pass you by just because of your paranoia. Even if you would be prevented from putting this knowledge to use immediately, there would come a time in the future when it would be useful to you. 

Knowing a way out certainly couldn’t hurt.

“I thought you said that you would get that done quickly,” Saeran’s sudden accusation startled you out of your thoughts. “Or were you being arrogant again?”

It took immense effort to steel yourself to hide any possible indicators of guilt. “I’m almost done,” you kept your voice level.

Saeran exhaled sharply, clearly annoyed. 

You didn’t say a word as he stood up and walked over to you, snatching the laptop from your clammy hands. As soon as he turned away to put the laptop on the desk you forced yourself up to your feet, standing still awkwardly.

Had he caught you?

That thought alone was enough to make you feel nervous. 

“Forget it,” Saeran snapped, shutting the laptop. The noise reverberated throughout the room, sharply cutting through the tension in the air. You held your breath.

He met your gaze again, glowering. “Go back.”

You paused for a moment, not saying a word as you looked directly at him, the intensity of his glare momentarily lost to you amid your internal narrative. 

Saeran was sending you back to your room already? Just like that?

You hadn’t been caught?

“Can you not hear?” Saeran took hold of your arm tightly, apparently done waiting for you, and tugged you toward the door. “I said  _ go _ !”

The short distance to the door was crossed within a few seconds, but Saeran didn’t release you until you’d crossed the threshold into your room. As soon as you regained autonomy over your arm you turned to him, opening your mouth to ask why you were being kicked out so suddenly. Before you’d gotten the chance to speak, though, the door was slammed shut inches away from your face before you could speak. Air ghosted across your face and your ears began to ring.

You paused, giving yourself a few seconds to process what had just happened. Despite having just wrangled your way out of a potentially disastrous situation, there was a part of you that couldn’t help being annoyed that you’d been shoved around so roughly again.

You could hear Saeran shuffling around in the other room, typing a few things and flipping through a few sheets of paper. You remained completely silent, standing by the door and listening in. 

For a few minutes there was nothing, and you began to entertain the possibility that you’d been shoved back into your room simply because Saeran had run out of patience to entertain you. You couldn’t help feeling a little bit disappointed at that thought. You’d thought that things were going fine.

You were nearing the point of deciding to just sit down when you heard the knock at the door. Immediately you perked up, your attention refocusing on the noises coming from the workroom.

“Come in,” Saeran called.

You couldn’t quite hear the swiping of a keycard, but you did hear the unlocking and subsequent opening of the door. You heard a few pairs of feet enter before greetings were voiced. The guests sounded quiet and relatively unassuming, but their arrival indicated that a serious conversation was about to be had. You could hear your heart thumping in your chest as you leaned toward the door, careful not to touch it so as to not alert anyone of your presence.

“We’ve nearly finished all preparations,” you heard one of the Believers say.

You held your breath, trying to remain as silent as humanly possible so that you could continue listening in.

_ Preparations? _ For what?

Was this what Saeran had said had “come up” when claiming that he didn’t have time to deal with you after your earlier fight?

He had to have known that you would be able to hear. So why had Saeran forced you back into this room?

“Good,” you heard Saeran shuffling through a few sheets of paper. “The Savior would want everything to be executed perfectly. If there's a single mistake, you’ll all pay the price.”

You bit your bottom lip hard, teeth digging into the flesh.

“Of course,” the same Believer responded.

“We’ll be ready to go soon,” Saeran continued. “So complete everything. Make sure that everybody’s ready to go. There won’t be any double-checking before we leave.”

You could make out some mumbling from the Believers, but you couldn’t register it. You continued to remain completely still, the sound of your pulse ringing loudly in your ears as you tried to process what you’d just heard.

_ Ready to go? _

You were leaving?

To where? And  _ why _ ?

The Believers shuffled back out of the room, effectively ending the short meeting. You struggled with yourself as you contemplated what to do. You’d learned long ago that asking Saeran questions was unwelcome and risky, guaranteed to piss him off. But your mind was a whirlwind of fervent questions that you were desperate to have answers for.

Your chest felt tight. You could barely breathe.

Was everybody really going to leave? 

You didn’t want to get ahead of yourself and assume that if Saeran and a few Believers were going somewhere, that you would be going to. But upon hearing Saeran order to gather all of the other Believers for some presumed expedition, you couldn’t stop a small part of you from hoping that maybe you’d be going, too. The idea of going outside, of leaving Magenta, was so unbelievable that you weren’t sure whether or not to even entertain the idea.

It had been months since you’d last been outside, save for your sparse trips to the garden. You’d long since come to the conclusion that imagining going outside was a waste of your time, as you’d forced yourself to accept that you would be stuck inside for the foreseeable future. 

Though, even if you did leave the building, did that really mean that your chance of escaping would increase any? You doubted that it would be that simple. Nothing here was ever easy.

And if you did escape, the RFA wouldn’t be able to find you. Never would any authorities. You’d be wandering the expanse of wherever you were, and that meant that you could be lost for quite some time before finding your way to any sort of safety.

Your hands were feeling clammy as the tension inside of you rose.

You needed to know what was going on. There was no way that you would be able to entertain all of these questions.

With that in mind, you didn’t even think before just opening the door back up and re-entering the workroom. It was an uncharacteristically bold move for you, but you hardly had the wherewithal to consider the possible ramifications of your actions. 

You needed to know.

Immediately, Saeran’s eyes darted towards you, fixating on you with a frown. 

Like he was daring you to speak.

“Are we leaving somewhere?” Your voice cut into the silence of the room strangely, sounding louder than usual.

One of Saeran’s eyebrows quirked at your question. Something about his gaze pierced into you, like he was scrutinizing you right where you stood.

“Oh?” He was attempting to sound casual, but you could easily detect a vaguely threatening tone to his voice. “You’ve gotten bold, haven’t you, doll? Walking out here and asking me questions like this? Don’t tell me you were eavesdropping into a conversation that wasn’t yours.”

You had been expecting this much. Though you hadn’t given yourself time to prepare, a rebuttal came to you quickly, fueled by the same nervous energy that had brought you back out to begin with.

“I could hear it all clearly,” you insisted. “There’s no way I couldn’t have.”

There was the slightest pause before everything was gradually set back into motion.

Saeran began to approach you, almost stalking towards you at first. The slow movements increased your anxiety but you stood your ground, willing your legs to stay in place despite the urge to back up. You needed to know if you were actually leaving, because you weren’t sure if you would be able to stand getting your hopes up just to have them crushed.

Out of nowhere, though, everything sped up. Saeran shot towards you suddenly, surprising you enough that you stepped back involuntarily, your back slamming into the wall. Saeran crossed the distance between the two of you in the blink of an eye, throwing his hands up onto the wall on either side of you. Now caged in, you could do nothing as leaned in towards you, bringing himself far closer to you than you’d expected.

You couldn’t press yourself any further into the wall, and Saeran’s presence threatened to crush you. You struggled to breathe properly. It was hard not to show your anxiety, and you weren’t sure if your efforts at keeping yourself composed were working at all. 

“You’re growing cocky, aren’t you?” Saeran’s question was clearly rhetorical, spoken at such a low volume that you could barely feel his breath ghosting over your face. He was so close that you could smell his cologne, which seemed to permeate into you and cloud your head over. You could feel the heat that radiated from him and despite yourself, you felt your face starting to burn. You kept your arms pressed tightly to your side like you were trying to fold in on yourself and disappear.

Your voice was starting to fail you. Getting yourself to speak was a formidable task.

“I just want to know,” your eventual response was far weaker than your initial confrontation.

“Don’t misunderstand,” Saeran’s reply came immediately, his words cutting straight into you. “I gave you something to do because you’re useless as an assistant otherwise. Not because you’re important. Don’t go sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

You knew that you should have left it at that. You should have counted your lucky stars that Saeran didn’t immediately react with shouting and aggression. But your curiosity and your desperation to find a way out of Mint Eye wouldn’t let you. You couldn’t give this up.

You had to take the opportunity while it was there. You didn’t know if you would ever get another chance.

“This affects me too,” your insistence was quiet, but present nonetheless. 

You were on high alert, pressed into the wall as hard as you could. The world around you seemed to have faded away completely, leaving your focus on Saeran alone. The computers around you were no longer there, and the existence of Magenta as a whole was momentarily forgotten. You’d never been this close to him before, and it was affecting you far more than you had anticipated.

Saeran quirked an eyebrow at your response, his smirk all but disappearing, lips curving downwards into a frown. He moved one of his hands away from the wall to take hold of your chin instead. Lithe fingers splayed across your jaw, holding it in place.

His fingers were cold against your hot face, and you had to suppress a shiver. You had been trying to prevent yourself from being backed into a corner all day, yet you found yourself stuck again. Your heart thumped incessantly against your ribcage, merciless and unrelenting, heightening the rest of your senses past a point that you could deal with.

You could barely think. Saeran’s presence was suffocating, and his eyes were intense as he stared directly at you from barely a few inches away. You could have sworn that you saw flecks of a honey-like color amidst the sea of mint, and you briefly wondered how you’d never noticed it before.

His eyes were immensely familiar and painfully foreign at the same time.

Saeran ran his thumb over your bottom lip slowly, in a way that would have been considered intimate if it weren’t for the nature of the situation. You found yourself holding your breath, completely freezing in place.

You were unable to think. The pressure of his thumb against your lip had been sudden, shocking you into silence.

“We’re going to have to do something about your arrogance, doll,” his voice was incredibly low, tone threatening. “It doesn’t suit you.”

Saeran’s grip on your chin tightened ever so slightly, enough to be constricting without directly hurting you. It was uncomfortable nonetheless, his fingers holding you just a little bit too tight. You could tell that he was trying to assert dominance over you, to make you feel small and subservient. And it was working.

Seconds dragged by slowly, leaving you feeling antsy and frightened.

You didn’t like this. You didn’t like being made to feel small. You didn’t like the conflict raging inside of you, made up of nerves, indecipherable feelings, and something else entirely.

You would have taken him yelling and insulting you over this, and you weren’t quite sure why. 

It was just too much.

“Let go of me,” your command was weak, but you held Saeran’s gaze as best as you could.

A sudden, loud laugh erupted from Saeran in response, like he was unable to believe that you dared to speak to him the way that you had. He released you for just a second, hanging his head as he laughed, shoulders tensing. Saeran’s forehead was nearly on your shoulder, mussed hair brushing against your neck in a way that almost elicited a shiver. He raised his head and when his gaze focused on you again, you noticed there was a new, frenzied edge to the way he was looking at you. Saeran’s eyes were slightly wide, pupils dilated, locked on you with an intensity that made you incredibly uncomfortable.

His laughter had ceased completely, gone in the blink of an eye.

“Oh, so you think  _ you’re _ the one to give me orders now?” Saeran raised his voice, both of his hands moving to your upper arms and gripping you tightly as if he was making a point to ignore your demands. “You think you’re the strong one here?!”

You could feel Saeran’s fingers digging into you as his hold tightened. He seemed to descend further into whatever madness had temporarily gripped him, and the sudden change was making you incredibly nervous.

You immediately knew that you’d overstepped. There was no going back, and no getting out of this until Saeran wanted you gone. 

“You wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for me,” he leaned in just a little bit closer, his bangs almost touching your forehead. Completely losing control of your physical response momentarily, you forced yourself back more, nearly squirming as the back of your head pushed itself into the wall. A dull ache was beginning to spread above your skull.

Saeran’s lips stretched back into a smirk.

“You’re trying to get away from me, are you?” He seemed to be reveling in the chance to torment you. Your earlier confidence had drained from you completely, leaving you stranded in this new chaos. “You’re trying to get away when I’m the only reason you’re still living?”

_ Too much. _ This was far too much.

He was too close and you  _ had _ to get away.

“Stop- let me go!” Your voice erupted out of nowhere, emerging from your mouth with renewed vigor.

You were completely trapped. Backed into a corner that you couldn’t find your way out of. 

Saeran, still holding your arms, shook you once, rattling you, before he shoved you into the wall with even more force than before. 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do- You don’t get to take away my vengeance!” He was shouting now. “You’re weak! You’re useless! Every breath you take is thanks to me- you can’t do  _ anything _ here without me!”

Despite yourself, your hands finally left your side, flying up to grab Saeran’s arms where you could reach them as if trying to pry him off of you using brute force.

“That’s not true!” You also descended into yelling, a fit of anger similar to the one you’d felt earlier returning with a vengeance. “Stop tormenting me!”

Your continued resistance seemed to be pushing Saeran over the edge. You could see him nearing some sort of precipice, like he was a breath away from completely snapping, and as much as it scared you, the desire to get him off of you overrode your fear. Your grip on his sleeves tightened, knuckles going white.

Just as Saeran opened his mouth to shout something else at you, there was a knock on the door. 

Immediately, Saeran’s head whipped to the side. “ _ What?! _ ”

A heavy silence descended upon the room as the person outside seemed to struggle to speak. Saeran’s grip on you remained tight, like he was using you to steel his anger. A sharp ache pulsated throughout your arms. Even so, you remained completely silent

You also briefly wondered how long it had taken them to work up the courage to knock on the door despite the obvious chaos unfolding within. A thanks was in order.

“Ah- I’m so sorry to interrupt,” the Believer was clearly putting considerable effort into trying to sound as composed and polite as possible. “But the system is ready.”

Saeran grit his teeth together. “Leave!” He ordered, voice sharp with anger. “I’ll be down when I decide to go, understand?!”

You could barely hear the Believer stammer out an affirmative response, distracted by Saeran’s gaze, which had returned back to you. His eyes smouldered like blue flames, still crazed as they took you in, staring directly at you.

You held your breath, still gripping the fabric of his sleeves in your fists. For just a second all was silent, like he was thinking deeply of something as he stared at you.

A smirk slowly tugged at Saeran’s lips. There was something incredibly sinister about his demeanor, so angry yet so unstable. A chill prickled at your spine, nerves lighting aflame in your stomach, filling you with trepidation. 

You didn’t know what to expect. You were frightened and unsure, holding Saeran’s gaze in a silent plea.

_ Stop. _

_ Just go. _

Saeran’s grip on your arms seemed to waver, his fingers trembling as they bored into your flesh. It took him a few seconds to speak.

“You think you can take advantage of me?” He held onto you, gripping you tightly like you were tethering him to reality. “You think you can stop me? Stop me from taking the revenge that I deserve?”

A lump was forming in your throat, filled to the brim with words you couldn’t say. It prevented you from speaking, from giving Saeran any sort of response. He either didn’t notice your silence or he didn’t care, because he continued speaking.

“You can’t. You can’t stop my anger. You can’t take away the strength that the Savior has given me.”

Your teeth grit together with such force that your jaw began to smart. 

You wanted to shout. You wanted to fight back, to prove to Saeran the contradictions in his statements. 

The Savior-  _ Rika _ \- wasn’t helping Saeran. There was nothing in her emerald eyes that reflected the persona she wished to show the rest of the world. 

Rika was no savior.

She was tearing Saeran down, bit by bit, drowning him in a chemical concoction to destroy him and mold him into something horrible. She didn’t care for Saeran, she cared for what he represented. You’d seen it with Ray. You’d seen it in the way she spoke sweet words when he needed reassurance, in the way she snapped at him and forced him beyond his limits just because she could.

You were seeing something similar with Saeran, too.

But you knew that right now, those words would do you no good. They had no place in this conversation besides acting as gasoline to an already burning flame. Your thoughts would be lost on Saeran, batted away with the swatting of angry hands. 

The best thing you could do for him at that moment was to stay silent. 

So that was what you did. You held Saeran’s gaze, stifling your voice, watching as his eyes pierced directly into yours like he was searching for something within you.

For once, your silence seemed to do you good.

“That’s right,” Saeran seemed to coo at you with a sing-song tone, his hands rising to your cheeks, cupping them with slightly too much force. During this process, you had to relinquish your grip on his sleeves, your hands remaining suspended in midair, unsure of where to go.

“This is how you should be,” Saeran continued. “Stay silent. Obey me.”

He sounded like he was wavering, on the edge of a cliff. He didn’t sound angry, nor did he sound kind. He sounded unstable, seconds away from snapping completely.

You weren’t sure what was going on, but you knew that this wasn’t right. This was just as dangerous as his shouting and pushing, if not more so. 

So you allowed Saeran to do what he wanted, if only to placate him temporarily.

Thumbs pressed into your cheekbones ever-so-slightly, almost caressing you but not quite. The pressure was strange, foreign, and you could tell that there was something more than what you were seeing on the surface. Your pulse threaded throughout your veins, reverberating in your head, and you struggled to think through it.

“Stay like this,” Saeran prompted. “Stay like this, and I can keep you here. Understand?”

Your shoulders were tense, eyes stuck on him, unable to look away despite your immense discomfort. Your stomach felt twisted and unsure, but you felt as if you were nearing the end of this exchange and you reached for the opportunity. You forced yourself to nod, though his hands on your cheeks restricted your movement somewhat.

Your voice was quiet, tone vacant of all former anger. “Okay.”

Saeran held your gaze, pupils like pinpricks, adrift in a sea of mint. He looked like he was somewhere far away, and you weren’t sure if there was anything you could do to help him return.

“Good,” he held your face for a few seconds longer before finally letting go. You remained still, afraid to move lest you set him off again. 

“Good,” Saeran repeated. “Just do what you’re told.”

It almost seemed like he was unwilling to look away, his eyes stuck on you for what felt like far too long before he was able to turn back to the door. 

Without another word, Saeran shoved the door open and left the workroom. The door was tugged back shut, the noise of the lock impossibly loud in your ears. 

A very heavy quietude descended upon you, nearly suffocating you in an instant.

You quickly found your legs losing their strength. Without a single thought, you allowed yourself to sink to the ground, a deep, shaky exhale spilling from your lips. 

Your arms smarted. Your ears were ringing, loud and shrill, and your chest rose and fell haphazardly as you tried to regain your composure, sitting with your back against the wall. 

Your body was tired, run-down. But your mind was still spinning, stuffed full with a myriad of thoughts that didn’t make much sense but commanded your attention all the same. 

Some of the words that Saeran had said were stuck inside your head. 

_ Strongest.  _

_ Vengeance.  _

_ Anger. _

The look in his eyes as he screamed at you- berated you for so much as daring to stop him from taking what he rightfully deserved. 

Saeran deserved revenge. He deserved to be angry. It was that which made him strong. That was what he believed. 

You didn’t understand much. A lot of Saeran’s words initially seemed to have little purpose beyond insulting you and driving you to the ground, yet you were beginning to understand that there was something more. Something that was keeping you alive, despite how much you’d pushed him over the edge. Something that kept Saeran from acting on the worst of the threats he’d thrown at you. 

_ He  _ was keeping you alive. That was what Saeran had told you, over and over again. And to a certain degree, he was right. If Saeran wanted you gone, you would be gone. 

And yet, despite the threats, the shouting, cursing, and insulting, you were still there. Saeran chose to keep you locked away in the workroom, even after he complained about having you near. 

It didn’t make any sense. You almost didn’t want it to make sense, because Saeran had hurt you time and time again. You couldn’t rectify the tormenting that he’d put you through, the paranoia he’d instilled in you. 

And yet…

Your arms tightened around yourself, gripping the fabric of your shirt, just above the slightly sore spots of your arm. 

And yet, you saw a chance in that. The dichotomy you’d been noticing was more than just a strange, inexplicable source of confusion. It was a chance. 

You didn’t understand much, and you weren’t sure how to work with any of this information. 

You just knew you had to do something, because everything was beginning to fall apart. Mint Eye was without its Savior, Saeran was in a constant, destructive state of rage, and you were completely alone. If things fell apart any more, everything would crumble.

You would crumble. Ray would, and Saeran would, too. 

Something needed to change. You had to do something. 

You just didn’t know what, yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was... harder than usual. I rewrote the ending multiple times until I was satisfied with the way I had it set up. I went back and forth with how I wanted it to end, then I struggled to portray what I wanted to portray as realistically as I could... it was a lot haha. Suit!Saeran is so nuanced and can be really tough to write in situations that call for a deeper understanding of his character. I really want to make sure I get it right and do his character justice. Hopefully I did alright.
> 
> Anyways! Winter break has definitely cut down time between updates. Hopefully that'll stick. This story is slowly beginning to near its end, believe it or not, and that's absolutely insane for me to think about. I have everything planned out and I'm so excited.
> 
> This will likely be the last update before 2020 is over (at least for gregorian calendars) so for all of you who celebrate the new year then, please celebrate safely and have fun!! Here's to hoping that next year will be better. It's safe to say that everyone's had a hard time, but we've made it through, so find strength and hope in that.
> 
> Thank you for all of the Kudos/comments on the last chapter. We actually got over 300 kudos with the last chapter, and that's unbelievable to me. I'm so grateful to all of you. Writing's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember (I posted my first story on the internet when I was 12 I think? in an undisclosed location) and this is the first time people have expressed any sort of consistent interest in my content. It's a wonderful feeling and I'm so grateful to everyone who's played a part in that.
> 
> Feedback is also a wonderful thing too, haha. If you ever have any thoughts, please leave them below! I love interacting with everyone :)
> 
> I hope everyone's staying warm and that everyone had a great holiday (if you celebrated). Please take care!! And sorry for the huge note haha


	28. Fool's Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things only become stranger in a moment of faux peace

To say that you felt rattled would have been an understatement. It took you far too long to move from the floor. You’d been sitting, propped up against the wall since Saeran’s departure, struggling to come back to your senses. Your mind, which had initially been blank after you were left alone, was now starting back up. As you began to process what had just happened, you were barraged with a mixture of bewilderment and instability.

You couldn’t help feeling like every passing day only bombarded you with more unknowns, more confusion. With every answer you received, two more questions you followed. The longer you were at Mint Eye, the less you truly understood.

You had never been able to completely figure Saeran out. You had quickly learned that it was in your best interest to stop trying. It was safer for you to bank on his unpredictability, to stop getting your hopes up. You couldn’t get complacent. Even if you tried, Saeran wouldn’t let you. He wanted you to be on your toes. He wanted you to be afraid.

You’d been so sure that Saeran hated everything about you. Or, at the very least, it was apparent that he strongly disliked you. Up until recently, he hadn’t given you a reason to entertain any other possibility. You’d thought that keeping you trapped in the workroom was Saeran following the Savior’s orders. You had been used as bait to lure Miyeon back, and there was no reason for you to believe that had changed.

But the more you allowed yourself to consider other possibilities, the more unsure you became.

Saeran hadn’t made you drink the elixir, even though the Savior had ordered Believers to watch you do so. That had been one of the biggest sources of confusion for you. You thought that Saeran would have relished in the opportunity to watch you writhing in pain. He had yelled at you, pushed you around, cursed at you, and insulted you more times than you could count. So why wouldn’t he have wanted to force you to do something that he knew frightened you the most?

But, like Ray, Saeran had refused to make you drink it. Though he had claimed that it was because you weren’t worthy of being cleansed, you weren’t sure how much you believed that. After his breakdown only moments ago, when he’d held your face a little bit too tight and forced you to ensure him that you weren’t leaving, you had started to rethink all of the conclusions that you had come to.

Maybe there was a pattern to Saeran’s behavior, after all- something for you to use to understand him a little bit better. Maybe he didn’t want to put you through what he deemed to be unnecessary pain. Saeran was insistent on keeping you in the workroom, even though he had initially complained about having to share his space with you. He didn’t make you drink the elixir, which would have reduced you to a shell of yourself. Even when you had fought back against him, there hadn’t been any outstanding consequences.

You had long since noticed the dichotomy between Saeran’s words and his actions, but you had never truly examined why that dichotomy existed or what implied.

There was obviously a gap in your understanding. Something was missing. Whatever it was that caused that disconnect was blotted out so that you couldn’t decipher it. Now, sitting by yourself in a dark, empty workroom with computers as your only companions, you were desperate to fill that gap. Maybe, the thought that you hadn’t been willing to entertain had some merit to it. You raised a hand to your jaw, where Saeran had grabbed you. 

Maybe Saeran, to some degree, actually cared about you.

The thought was unsettling and bewildering. It didn’t make much sense on the surface level. Why would Saeran torment you so intensely if he cared about you? Why would he treat you with such malice and talk to you venomously, like you were nothing more than a small bug in the corner of the room? Even if that gap was filled with this new conclusion, it still wasn’t enough for you to make sense of everything. It wasn’t an easy solution.

Though, if you thought just a little bit harder, you found that you could begin to answer some of those questions.

You already knew a little bit about the environment that Saeran had come from. You’d spent multiple late nights with Ray, collapsed in your arms with tears in his eyes, recounting the memories from his childhood. He had spoken about his mother, cried about the unrelenting cruelty she showed him. You knew some of the specifics, though not many, and what little you knew was enough to make you sick to your stomach. There was no denying that Saeran and Ray were both deeply traumatized. They just manifested it in very different ways. 

Ray was frightened. He clung to you, who made him feel safe, and perceived strength as proving himself worthy. This made him a perfect victim for the Savior, who controlled him easily through positively reinforcing behavior she perceived as good. She provided Ray just enough kindness to make him feel loved, but not enough for him to ever truly feel satisfied. As a result, Ray was continuously searching for the love and warmth that had evaded him for all of his life. And somehow, for reasons you would never truly understand, he found that safety in you. Ray isolated you because it was his way of ensuring you were dependent on him. By forcing you to rely on him for everything, Ray felt as if he was protecting you. 

Saeran was much different. The obvious, easy conclusion was that he was angry, but even you knew that rage of such a caliber was far more complicated than it seemed. It was more nuanced than surface-level anger. It came from a deep desire to prevent himself from getting hurt again. He would get ahead of people and push them away far before they had a chance to get close enough to inflict any pain. That was why Saeran was so consistently cruel to you. If he did care about you, then you had the potential to hurt him. 

Saeran would ensure that wouldn’t happen by keeping you beneath him and forcing himself to hate you. He would push everybody out, and you were no exception.

To a lesser degree, you could understand him. Though your circumstances and reasonings were incredibly different, you had also spent the recent months of your life pushing everybody away. You knew enough about the headspace of a person who isolated themselves to understand that it was never as simple as it seemed. Though you’d never truly gained enough insight to understand why and how your life had taken the course that it did, there was no denying that even you were the victim of a distorted mindset. You could trace your past backward, relive some moments, and remember the choices you made, but you’d never truly been able to understand _why_ you’d resorted to isolating yourself. Smaller events made sense, but the big picture was muddled and confused. All you knew was that, at the time, your actions felt right. You ended up removing yourself from the world because of an amalgamation of small, flawed decisions.

And it had destined you to ruin, the same way it had with Saeran.

You didn’t understand enough about Saeran’s mindset to know how similar you two were. But you were beginning to recognize that his anger towards you was compounded because he cared for you, and that was a threat to his well being. Because that meant that you had the power to inflict more pain upon him, just like everybody else in his life had.

That thought was sobering. It prompted a deeper analysis of Saeran that you weren’t expecting to make.

You had never understood the relationship between Ray and Saeran. You hadn’t even really considered it the way you probably should have. You knew that they were separate, but also the same. They were different facets of one person, and you had no idea which one was real. When you tried to think of them as a single entity, you didn’t know what to imagine. Where was he on the scale between Ray and Saeran? Between fear and anger?

You didn’t even know his _name._

He was so familiar, but also so foreign. You understood him more than most people, but you still hardly knew him at all.

Regardless, you had come to the conclusion that, to some extent, Saeran cared about you. As important as this realization was, it demanded an entirely new set of questions that you were unable to answer.

What did this leave you with? Where would you go from here?

You pondered. You thought. You tried to understand how you could use this to your advantage. But Saeran wasn’t as straightforward as Ray was. Trying to appeal to him would only get you so far because Saeran didn’t welcome his caring for you. If you tried to push yourself into his life, he would only force you away more.

You could plainly hear when your phone began to suddenly vibrate atop the nightstand in your room. As an instinctual reaction, you initially planned to ignore it. But when you remembered the single purpose that phone served, you immediately shot up to your feet. You rushed to your room to pick up the phone before it automatically declined the call, and managed to accept it in time. You held the device up to your ear.

“Hello?”

Saeran’s irritation was clear.

_“What took you so long? Is it that hard to pick up a phone call when you have nothing else to do?”_

You had been expecting a greeting like this.

“Sorry,” you tried to maneuver around the brewing argument. “I’ll be faster next time.”

_“Whatever. I don’t have time to listen to your excuses,”_ Saeran snapped from the other end. You couldn’t help noticing the exhaustion that lay beneath his words. Though he was angry, he also appeared incredibly fatigued. The usual, gleeful twist to his anger was missing. 

You weren’t sure what to say in response, so you remained quiet with the hope that Saeran would say something else. 

_“Has anyone come to the room?”_ Saeran finally spoke up.

Your eyebrows raised a little bit. You hadn’t been expecting him to ask something like that.

“What? You mean, to the workroom?”

You could almost hear him rolling his eyes and stifled a curse. Immediately, you knew that your automatic response wasn’t meeting his expectations.

_“Are you kidding? What other room would I be talking about? Have you been going sightseeing on your own, doll?”_

You pressed your lips together for a second. “Of course not.”

_“Then don’t say stupid things. Answer my question.”_

As you’d initially suspected, Saeran was much less fiery than usual. He sounded subdued, like some of the life had been sucked out of him, but he was still trying to appear normal by insulting you. You felt bad enough to just give in.

“Nobody’s come,” you told him. As you spoke, you began walking slowly from one part of the room to the other.

_“Good. If they do, just stay where you are. Don’t cause me any extra trouble like before, understand?”_

This time it was your turn to roll your eyes. He must have been referring to your expedition to the bathroom.

“Okay. I understand.”

For a little while, nothing was said. The period of silence was stretched out just enough for you to start to feel a little bit uneasy. It was a strange experience, as you were always anticipating Saeran’s responses and reading into them for signs of anger or distress. Waiting for him to speak was weirdly tense, and this time it dragged on for just a little bit too long.

_“Good. I’m hanging up.”_

After that short, sudden response, the call ended. You pulled the phone away from your ear and looked down at the screen with a frown, as if doing so would help you understand what the point of that conversation had been. Was Saeran really that worried about the possibility of you taking off with some random Believer?

You couldn’t even get out of this room alone. And you got the feeling that the majority of the Believers were far too scared of Saeran to dare try to interact with you, especially after how incensed he had been last time.

Before you could toss the phone back onto the nightstand, though, it vibrated. The screen lit up, displaying a notification for an incoming text. You tapped it and it expanded to the thread of messages you shared with Saeran. 

Before you could toss the phone back onto the nightstand, it vibrated and you got a notification for an incoming text. You tapped it and it expanded to your thread of messages with Saeran.

  
  


**Saeran:**

_I meant what I said._

  
  


It didn’t take you long to send a reply. You weren’t in the mood to start anything, so you tried to tell Saeran what you thought he wanted to hear.

  
  


**You:**

_I know. I won’t do anything._

  
  


You stared down at the phone for a while, anticipating a response that you never received. You gave up after a few minutes and shut the screen off with a sigh. You placed the phone back down on the nightstand.

For a short time, you found yourself returning to your earlier deliberations. If it wasn’t clear to you before, it should have been now. As soon as you had started to look at Saeran with the assumption that he didn’t hate you in the way he claimed to, you were able to make sense of more of his actions. You could explain this phone call away as a roundabout, possessive way of ensuring that you didn’t go anywhere and remained under his influence.

It was a different way of achieving the same result as Ray. Similarly, it could work as an advantage to you if you could understand how to properly utilize it.

Either that or this could work against you and prevent you from seizing the opportunity to escape, should it find you again. You found yourself returning to the same, head-splitting conflict that had raged inside of you since the earliest days of your stay at Magenta. Even now, you still didn’t have an answer to calm the raging discord inside your mind.

Were you really starting this cycle all over again?

You finally got yourself to sit back down on your med, sinking into the mattress ever so slightly, and dropped your head into your hands with a deep sigh.

This was hopeless, and so were you.

* * *

By the time Saeran had come back, you hadn’t been alone for as long as you’d expected to be. You were still in the same spot on your bed, but you’d laid down some time ago, staring up at the ceiling as your thoughts wandered. As soon as you heard the door unlock you shot back up into a sitting position, but you remained silent and decided not to get up and enter the workroom. After the way your last encounter with Saeran had ended, the last thing you wanted to do was provoke him.

For now, it would probably be best to stay away.

Saeran immediately came to the door of your bedroom, though, and glared right at you. Instantly you stiffened, preparing yourself for another onslaught. You didn’t quite have it in you to fight again. You were still extremely emotionally drained. 

It seemed, however, that Saeran hadn’t come to you to fight, either. Instead, he threw something right at you. You barely had enough time to raise your hands in an attempt to catch it, which failed as the item soared right past your hands and pelted you in the shoulder. It tumbled back down onto your lap, glinting in the light, and you picked it up.

A granola bar?

“I’m not taking you anywhere to eat,” Saeran snapped, as if he felt the need to explain himself to you. “It’s too much trouble. You should be grateful that I was considerate enough to bring you anything at all.”

It was like he was expecting you to complain.

You hadn’t expected anything to eat at all, really. The times that Saeran had dragged you back and forth from the kitchen, muttering about how annoying and time-consuming you were, had been immensely uncomfortable for you. It seemed that Saeran no longer wanted to indulge you with those field trips, which was fine with you. You didn’t have the energy to be picky.

Your shoulders relaxed a little bit. “Thank you.”

Saeran scoffed again. “Whatever,” he muttered. With that, he turned back around and returned to the workroom.

You sat on the bed, looking down at the bar. The wrapper glinted a bright red, and upon feeling it, you could tell that the bar inside was slightly disfigured. You wondered just how tightly Saeran had been holding onto it to reduce it to this state.

It was food, though, and that was good enough for you. You opened the wrapper, trying to make as little noise as possible, and made quick work of the bar. It wasn’t anything outstanding, but it would tide you over for a little while. Hopefully, you would get something else before you had to consider directly asking Saeran for more food. 

When you finished the bar, you smoothed the wrapper back out until it was little more than a flat piece of crinkly plastic. Briefly, you deliberated why a room filled with high-tech computers and an attached bedroom didn’t have a cabinet or fridge- or anything to make your life easier, really.

You remained sitting on the bed for a little while longer, absentmindedly fiddling with the wrapper and folding it in half a few more times. You could hear Saeran typing in the workroom, the keys being pressed in a furious, frenzied succession like he was trying to beat them down letter by letter. You could make out the occasional sigh and angry muttering, not uncommon noises to you anymore. The sounds kept you company for a while as you deliberated what to you. The more reckless part of you wanted to pester Saeran for something to do, but the cautious part of you warned that doing so after such an emotionally loaded fight could be a very bad idea.

Even you weren’t quite sure how you felt after that recent encounter. If you focused, you could still feel his hands on the sides of your face, holding you in place as he stared directly at you, eyes clouded with desperation, pupils pinpricks adrift in a sea of mint. Things were only getting more confusing and you were still stuck in the thick of it, like you were wandering in a dark room without so much as a candle to guide you.

As you sat and deliberated, though, you were eventually pulled out of your thoughts as you heard a hefty sigh. The sound of typing ceased and for several minutes, you heard absolutely nothing.

When the sounds didn’t resume, you frowned. You craned your neck from where you were sitting, trying to get a glimpse into the workroom, but you couldn’t see Saeran. He usually worked with a chaotic fury, and a silence of this caliber was incredibly abnormal.

You knew you should probably leave him alone but, despite yourself, you couldn’t help feeling worried. Saeran had been acting strange enough, and only hours ago he had seemed like he was seconds away from completely falling apart.

You stifled a sigh before standing up, approaching the door as quietly as you could. You entered the room and immediately looked toward Saeran. He was hunched over in his seat, elbows propped up on the desk, head in his hands. His fingers were woven into silver-pink strands of hair, knuckles white with the pressure that he was exerting. You could tell by the grip on his head and the rigidity of his shoulders that Saeran was in pain. You had witnessed these headaches enough times to recognize them with ease. You pressed your lips together, eyebrows furrowing as you hesitated.

You stood in the doorway for a little while, biting the inside of your lip with a frown, deliberating whether or not it was worth trying to say anything. Despite knowing well that kindness was not welcome, you couldn’t help your concern for Saeran’s wellbeing. The last thing you wanted was for him to truly go over the edge.

You knew that you were overstepping your boundaries. Your rational side was hesitating, warning you to stop endangering yourself further by pushing the limits. It was likely that you would only provoke Saeran further by trying to appeal to him. Even if you somehow managed to connect to him, you would only be reinforcing the part of you that desperately wanted to understand Saeran and get along with him. Both options were dangerous. 

But you’d never truly been able to let these things go. You had always been like this, and you’d known from the beginning that you were going to approach Saeran, consequences be damned.

So you did.

“Did something happen?” Your question was awkward; you hadn’t truly thought about how you would begin to start a conversation like this.

Saeran’s head whipped up as soon as he heard you. He was extremely pale, more so than usual, a sickly complexion emphasizing the puffy bags under his eyes. Still, he mustered up a glare. It seemed to lack the usual fire. 

“Don’t you _dare_ care about me,” he snapped. “Don’t try to act so above everything. You’re the weak one here, not me.”

Your heart thumped in your chest, but a part of you was beginning to hold out hope. You had expected a negative response, but this was tame in comparison to what you were usually subjected to when you crossed the line. Something seemed to have sapped the energy out of Saeran completely. He almost seemed pitiful, unusually small in his chair.

This couldn’t have all been because of your previous fight. There had to be something else going on.

Regardless, it was clear that Saeran’s exhaustion was decreasing his hostility. You felt encouraged to speak up again.

“I know,” you held up both of your hands, one of which still had the wrapper in it. It crinkled a bit as you moved. “I was just wondering.”

Saeran glowered at you for a few seconds more. Instead of firing back at you, though, his eyes flickered up to the wrapper in your hands. “Throw that away,” he demanded. “The last thing I’m going to let you do is trash this place.”

You lowered your hands again, glancing at the flattened wrapper. You felt slightly relieved by his changing of the subject and complied, making your way to the small trash bin in the far corner of the room. When you dropped the plastic into the bin, it fell among a collection of candy and chocolate wrappers that you knew weren’t yours. You looked at them for just a second.

It was strange to think of someone so aggressive taking such a liking to sweets. But it was intriguing just the same. Humanizing.

During the entire process, Saeran did not speak to you. You took that as a silent command to be quiet and return to your room without bothering him, and you decided that it would be in your best interest to listen to him. As you had expected Saeran was hardly in a talkative mood. Before you could get back to your room, though, he spoke up and stopped you in your tracks.

“You’re annoying. My head hurts,” his voice was gruff. “I feel sick.”

You turned around to face him. You didn’t dare say anything, unwilling to risk discouraging Saeran from saying anything more. You weren’t sure why you were glad that he was choosing to open up to you, but a part of you was relieved.

It wasn’t good for him to keep everything inside. He may have been hostile and aggressive to you, but you still cared about his well being. You didn’t want to watch him self-destruct.

Your silence seemed to spur him on.

“I’m in charge because the Savior is gone. But everybody else is incompetent,” Saeran continued, glaring at his computer screen. “They’re no help at all. So I’m stuck working on an important project by myself.”

You still didn’t say anything. You could tell by the muted irritation that Saeran truly was exhausted, and you weren’t surprised. With how much he’d been running around, getting angry, and neglecting to take care of himself, it was only a matter of time before he was left feeling burnt out. It was no wonder that he was starting to give you work to do.

You shouldn’t have wanted to help, really. This was the same dilemma that you had experienced with Ray. You didn’t want to do anything that would further Mint Eye or the Savior’s agenda. You didn’t want to dedicate your time and energy to something inherently malicious. But at the same time, you were worried about Saeran’s health, and you didn’t really have much else to do, either.

Initially, Ray had been the only redeeming part of Mint Eye, and that was when you looked past all of the other dangerous parts of him. It was the same thing with Saeran now. You hated Mint Eye, you hated Magenta, and you hated the Savior. But you didn’t hate the person, the _people_ that you had spent the last few months with. Despite the anger, despite being trapped, tormented, and controlled, you couldn’t hate Saeran or Ray. You didn’t want to see them suffer, so you threw morals to the wind to help in whatever ways possible.

But at the end of the day, you were still stuck at Mint Eye. Whether or not you chose to help, you would still be waiting on those from the outside world to come and save you, and you couldn’t rely on that hope, either. Ultimately, whether or not you helped at Mint Eye had a negligible impact on the big picture. Splicing video footage and copying data was hardly work of the utmost importance. 

Maybe that was just you rationalizing an inherently bad decision. But what else could you do?

“Can I finish the security tapes?” You asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as you could. “It’s probably not good for me to leave work unfinished.”

Saeran’s gaze immediately moved back to you, eyebrows narrowed to a glare. He was quick to respond, voice growing sharp again. “I don’t need your pity or your help.”

“I know,” you insisted, “but I might as well wrap it up, right? Since I’ve already started.”

You held his gaze. His eyes were stony, but the fatigue spoke for itself.

Saeran huffed a bit. Despite his outward frustration, though, he still reached over to the laptop he’d put away earlier and held it out to you. You took it from him, the weight familiar in your hands, aluminum cool against your skin. You had planned on just turning around without another word and getting to work. This was becoming a strange pattern, you thought. You would offer to help and initially get rejected, but eventually, Saeran would permit you to help.

You didn’t hate it. 

Though you weren’t sure if this was just a one-sided feeling, you felt as if in these moments, there was some semblance of peace between you and Saeran. An unspoken agreement, shared between you two only, that you would coexist in a space outside of Magenta. In this workroom, separated by a locked, metal door, you were in a limbo in which you could temporarily create the illusion that the two of you were on the same side.

The air would feel still. The chaos would be left in the hallways, where it could not reach you. No words were shared, and you didn’t acknowledge each other's existence. But somehow, it worked, and you could breathe easily for just a little bit. You dared to think that it was almost comfortable.

So there was a part of you that was happy for more selfish reasons when Saeran finally gave in.

You had taken the laptop, ready to get to your post. But just as you began to turn around, Saeran’s hand shot to your arm and grabbed it. You froze at the pressure, expecting the same painfully tight grip. But his hold, while firm, didn’t hurt. 

You turned your head back around and met Saeran’s eyes. The glare he wore was different than usual. Angry, yes. But more than anything else he seemed focused, dedicated to proving something to somebody.

To you.

You didn’t say anything as he locked you in place. Whatever had been festering in Saeran’s mind seemed to spill out immediately.

“I’m nothing like them.”

Your heartbeat sped up just a bit, thumping against the inside of your ribcage. It was strangely loud, reverberating through your head.

You didn’t respond to Saeran. Your eyebrows pressed together ever so slightly. Not a frown, but a silent encouragement. Enough of a reaction to get him to continue.

“That redhead,” Saeran told you. “V. The tester. They’re all soft and weak. I’m not.”

As he spoke, his hold around your arm began to tighten a little bit more. You could tell that there was something that Saeran hadn’t expressed yet. There was some untouched source of frustration, quickly turning into something that he couldn’t handle. Saeran spoke to you differently than usual, as if this time his anger was directed towards some unseen entity and you were nothing but a spectator. He spoke like he was talking to himself because confiding in you was a weakness that he didn’t dare indulge in.

You didn’t want Saeran to think that. He wasn’t the type to rely on people, but you wanted to be there, regardless. 

“I know,” your words were quiet. They were barely making a dent but still seemed to be enough to spur Saeran on. 

“Even the Savior. She’s soft for the tester and for V. She chased after them and left Mint Eye. She’s just as weak, pleading in the messenger for understanding from the very traitors she wished to eradicate. She’s destroying everything Mint Eye was created to do.”

You couldn’t say anything. Though you kept your face as straight as possible, a huge part of you was beyond shocked at his admission, completely frozen over. 

Your pulse had sped up a little bit more, and you couldn’t help the foreboding feeling growing inside of you. Mention of the Savior was associated with fear, and it seemed to follow you around everywhere you went. Irrationally, you couldn’t help feeling paranoid, like she would pop in at any second and hear Saeran speaking ill of her. You could feel your fingertips tingling, anxiety within you threatening to compound.

You had never heard anyone else speak of the Savior. You had always kept your opinions about her to yourself, even in front of Ray. Hearing another person voice the thoughts that you had kept shoved away was oddly freeing.

It was surreal.

You felt like you were looking at somebody else, and you didn’t know who. Among everything else that Saeran seemed to be expressing, there was a profound loneliness that began to grow more apparent to you. Despite his attempts to keep everything at bay through showing the world only hatred and anger, you were looking directly at a small crack in his facade. Saeran felt that something was setting him apart from everyone else, a barrier that prevented him from coexisting with a single other person in the world.

Saeran claimed it was strength. He was mighty where everyone else was weak and soft. But you felt like it was something else entirely. You just didn’t know what. Whatever it was, it felt flat. It hurt to look at. In the split second that you thought you saw a crack in Saeran’s persona, you tasted nothing but bitterness, strong enough to send anyone recoiling.

But you couldn’t.

“You’re not weak,” you said. “I know that. You’ve shown me.”

Saeran’s gaze returned to you, but he appeared unfocused.

“That’s right,” he admitted, though his voice sounded far away. “You would know. You see it every day.”

Saeran’s grip on your arm had slackened, but he didn’t completely let go yet. There was a conflict raging somewhere in the background, muted yet still entirely apparent. You could see it clear as day, even if you couldn’t completely comprehend it. You couldn’t look inside of him and decipher the clues he was giving you, but weren’t sure that you needed to. Your meager understanding was enough for now.

You wanted to say more. You felt unsure, bumbling like you were taking your first steps with legs made of jelly. Even so, you opened your mouth again. Your words felt clumsy and foreign.

“Saeran,” you started gently, ready to stop at a moment’s notice. “You’re different from them. I mean it.”

Saeran scoffed, though it was deprived of its usual intensity. For the first time, though, he seemed somewhat grounded again, like the world was coming back to him. 

“Don’t pity me.”

His words, sharp in nature, sounded anything but. Even though you could tell that he was openly trying to reject you, it was clear that, to some degree, your words were sinking in. Even if he claimed not to want validation, there was some part of him that sought it out. Similarly, you should have wanted nothing to do with comforting him, but you found yourself doing it anyway.

Saeran let your arm go, but he held your gaze a little bit longer. His eyes were strange, searching yours for a little while, like he was trying to look straight into you and read your thoughts. You couldn’t help wondering what Saeran saw, because as you looked at him, he seemed just as indecipherable as always. 

“I don’t need you,” he said. “If you want to be useful, just get back to work.”

And with that, he turned back around, and the interaction was over just as suddenly as it had begun. The world, which seemed to have paused for a little while, slowly began to come back to life. The sounds of the computers reached your ears again, and the workroom seemed to come back into focus. What had been muted for a while returned to you, saturated and renewed.

Saeran didn’t even look at you. You didn’t expect him to. 

You didn’t immediately want to move away. You only remained standing there for a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime to you. You couldn’t help feeling like you’d temporarily been grasping at something strange, a vulnerable part of Saeran that you had never intended to see. You had witnessed something just now. 

You’d witnessed doubt. Disappointment. Anger. Loneliness. For just a second, you’d been allowed to look past the anger that Saeran wielded like a sword. You’d been given a better look into what lay past. 

You’d temporarily been permitted something that very few other people were. It was a strange privilege that you’d never thought you would earn, and you didn’t quite know what to make of it just yet. 

The laptop had grown a little bit warmer in your hands, and the weight felt more evenly distributed. You turned back around and made your way to the same spot that you had been in before, sitting back down and leaning against the wall. Though your desk chair and first laptop were gone, this was starting to become a little bit more familiar to you, too.

You opened up the laptop and pressed the power button. The screen came on, and the whirring of the internal mechanisms intertwined with those of the desktop computers across the room. 

You felt far from peaceful. But it was clear that something was beginning to change again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You think this chapter seems too calm? Hm.... (my way of hoping nobody flames me for something that may, at this moment, seem OOC lol)
> 
> Anyways, this chapter's a bit shorter and seems a bit strange given the state of the story, but I promise it plays into something that's about to come. There's quite a bit to process in this one, not only about Saeran but about the Reader as well, so I'm interested to see what everyone has to say! I hope it was enjoyable, even if it may seem a bit odd at the moment.
> 
> Thank you, as always, to everyone who left Kudos/commented on the last chapter! I love reading all of your insights and analyses, especially because this is a really complicated and emotionally charged part in the fic. I love interacting with everyone, and I'm going to miss that a LOT when this fic eventually comes to an end haha. If at any point anyone has any thoughts, please feel free to comment! :) It means a lot and really motivates me to keep writing.
> 
> I don't really have much to say this time around, actually! I should be able to squeeze in another update before school starts back up so look forward to it! 
> 
> I hope everyone is well and had a great start to the new year! Take care and stay warm!!


	29. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which months of cherry-picked truth and painful lies finally begin to unravel.

You weren’t quite at the point of falling asleep just yet. 

You could feel yourself slowly drifting off from time to time, your heavy eyelids threatening to close completely as the arms of sleep beckoned you into its enticing embrace. Despite your continuous efforts to force yourself back awake, it didn’t take long for you to begin to drift again. You would be ebbing away in just a few seconds. 

It was equal parts frustrating and worrying.

With Saeran sitting feet away from you, attention only diverted because of his work, the last thing that you wanted was for him to glance back and find you at the edge of falling asleep. You’d already been pushing your luck enough lately, and just getting up and walking around didn’t seem like a viable option. Your goal was to make yourself less visible. You could only find this pseudo-peace with him when the two of you existed in your own worlds.

But it was hard to ignore the urge. All of your recent days had followed the same, predictable pattern. If you weren’t sleeping, you were either staring off into space, fighting Saeran, or, as of recently, finding a little bit of work to do. The sleep that you managed to grasp was enough to keep you going, but not enough to allow you to function very well for very long. You were too anxious to sleep well, and the effects were showing. Your body was craving rest, and though the opportunity was directly in front of you, you couldn’t let yourself grasp it. 

You glanced over at Saeran. You knew that Ray hardly slept, and you hadn’t caught Saeran drifting off yet, either. Did they really live like this?

_ How exhausting. _

You looked back to your laptop, where you were close to finishing your work. You had been splicing together a clip from the last security feed, but the screen kept on blurring in front of your eyes as your consciousness drifted. You stifled a yawn, leaning back against the wall a little bit more. A few seconds later your head bobbed to the side just slightly, your fingers atop the keyboard coming to a momentary pause as the world slipped away from you a little bit more.

You needed the rest badly. You were so tired, and your body was so heavy that moving felt nearly impossible. You wanted to throw caution to the wind and just hope that Saeran wouldn’t catch you and accuse you of slacking off, but your rational mind was still able to resist.

You might have actually fallen asleep. You were certainly close.

But there was a sudden, loud noise, scaring you so badly that your entire body jerked. Your laptop would have gone flying if you didn’t manage to just barely grab onto it, smashing a couple of keys in the process. Your heart had leaped into your throat and you looked over at Saeran. He was gripping his head tightly, shoulders trembling with exertion, and another shout and string of curses flew from his mouth.

“ _ Ah- _ !” He grunted, leaning over his desk. “Damn- my head-!”

You were filled with a sudden sense of urgency as you watched him, all exhaustion flying out of your body as adrenaline took over. Your first instinct was to do something, though you weren’t sure what. You abandoned the laptop to the ground, shoving yourself up to your feet so quickly that you were nearly overcome by dizziness. Once you made it to your feet you were suddenly rooted in place, afraid to approach Saeran so recklessly. He didn’t take well to care and kindness, especially from you. 

Another shout filled the workroom as Saeran’s grip on his head tightened, fingers weaving beneath the strands of his hair, knuckles turning white as a result of the force being exerted upon them. His jaw was completely rigid.

You could feel your heart thumping in your chest. You continued to hesitate, biting the inside of your lip so hard that your teeth dug into the flesh. You took a step forward, then another one back, before something in your mind snapped. 

You couldn’t  _ not _ help Saeran. Even after everything that had happened, there was no way that you could wish any pain onto him. Abandoning all rationale, you finally shoved yourself forward, taking a few steps towards the desk to approach Saeran.

“Saeran,” you held your hands out as if to announce your presence without touching the man in question, but your fingers were trembling slightly. “Is it your head?”

In an instant, one of Saeran’s hands shot out, catching your wrist with an iron grip. You could feel your wrist strain under his fingers, which were curling directly into your skin. Despite the pain, you attempted to remain grounded, your other hand going up to cover his in an instant. You could feel his fingers trembling with exertion, but he didn’t shove you away.

Saeran was completely pale. He was covered in a sheen of sweat.

“You-  _ ah _ -!” His shout was cut short by another wave of pain, but mint eyes rushed to meet yours again, eyebrows narrowed into an enraged glare. “Don’t act like you care! You won’t- You won’t get Ray back!”

You grit your teeth, but you didn’t cower under the intensity of his glare. You should have figured that he would have assumed that was what you were after. You knew that there was no way to convince him that your intentions were innocent, so you didn’t bother trying.

“Saeran,” you tightened your grip on his hand as if hoping to ground him somehow. “Please- you have to give yourself a second to breathe, or you’ll just make it worse.”

Keeping your voice steady was a struggle of its own, but you somehow managed it. But your words didn’t seem to have any positive impact on Saeran. If anything, you only seemed to enrage him more.

“ _ Stop! _ ” His voice had elevated to a scream, nearly splitting the air in half. The sudden increase in volume caused your ears to start ringing, the high-pitched noise reverberating in your head. You jerked back in instinct, but Saeran’s grip on your wrist prevented you from going too far.

“Stop! You don’t know what you’re-!” Saeran cut himself off with another strangled yell. He finally released you, his hand flying back up to his head as he doubled over, nearly banging his head into his desk.

You could feel your shoulders rising and falling in tune with your labored breathing, your mouth having gone dry. You felt cold, your fingertips tingling. You weren’t quite sure what to do. Your pulse was reverberating in your head, quick and thready. You hesitated to even move.

Saeran shouted again, a strangled curse falling from his mouth, before the air cracked in two.

And in a single second, everything came to a stop. The room descended into an eerie, off-putting quiet.

You were barely breathing as if you feared that somehow, the sound would be too loud amidst the silence in the room. Saeran was still gripping his head, trembling, but had otherwise goon completely still. His fingers remained adrift in the sea of his silver-pink hair, the strands curling around his digits. 

Then, he shuddered, and let his head go, his hands instead crossing over his chest to grab onto himself like he had suddenly become frigid.

It was then that he looked back up. Mint eyes were wide and slightly teary, unfocused at first, but they quickly darted over to you, drinking you in with a strange desperation. The familiarity in his eyes soon became relief, and then shame. As soon as you registered that change, you knew exactly what was going on.

Your name fell from Ray’s lips in a whisper, and in a single second, he had launched himself to his feet and crossed the distance between the two of you, throwing his arms around you tightly. You stumbled back quite a bit as a result of the impact, barely managing to brace yourself by throwing a hand onto the desk beside you and regaining your footing in a stroke of luck. You could feel Ray trembling into you, his head burrowed into the crook of your neck, and you slowly raised your free arm to return the embrace with a loose one of your own. You were still unsure whether it was okay for you to believe what had just happened.

Was it safe for you to find comfort in this?

Had Ray really come back again?

The expensive suit fabric felt strange, stiff beneath your fingertips. Your chest felt tight, constricted, and the stress inside of you hadn’t let up just yet. You hadn’t expected that you would feel sensitive as well, but the ball of emotions in your stomach told you that you were far more affected by Ray’s presence than you’d anticipated.

“Sorry,” you felt the movement of Ray’s lips against your shoulder, and it was soon followed by something else warm and damp.

He was crying.

Ray’s breath ghosted across your skin as he continued to speak. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,  _ I’m sorry _ -”

You could feel him spiraling. You could tell by how tightly he was gripping the back of your shirt, arms wound around you like a vice, that there was little to keep Ray from completely submerging himself in the depth of his guilt. Whatever shame he felt had wrapped itself around him tightly

You knew that you needed to keep him grounded. You needed to keep Ray present.

“Ray,” you interrupted him, interjecting as quickly as you could. “Take a second, okay? You’re alright.”

Ray’s hold on you tightened in response, and you were finding it harder to breathe. You could have sworn that you heard a whimper escape from his throat. He sounded strangled, like there was far too much going on inside of his head for him to even begin expressing any of it.

You could feel Ray’s legs quivering, and you found yourself plagued by a sudden fear that he wouldn’t be able to keep himself upright. You needed to get him to sit before his legs gave out from beneath him. 

You wrapped your other arm around him, confident now that your legs would be able to support you for a moment. “Hey, let’s sit down, okay?” You tried to sound as gentle as you could.

You felt him nod against your shoulder, and despite your surprise that he had registered your voice, you took that as your cue. It felt awkward to maneuver yourself to the ground with Ray still clutching onto you so tightly, but you managed to lower yourself to your knees successfully. The ground felt far safer than standing. Ray remained collapsed onto you, shoulders trembling as he cried into you.

You could feel his labored, shallow attempts at breathing, and that sparked another worry. You knew that you needed to try and get Ray to calm down at least a little bit, as hyperventilating would only send him into a downward spiral. You couldn’t brute force your way through his panic attack, but you could take his hand and help navigate him through it. 

This would take a minute, but you were okay with that.

One of your hands went up to Ray’s head, and you threaded your fingers into the strands of his mussed hair, trying to provide comfort in any way that you could. The familiar feeling of his dry hair, damaged from repeated bleaching, brought you comfort.

“Just breathe with me,” you prompted, your voice lowering a little bit.

The silence that ensued was tense and heavy. You could feel the seconds ticking by as you focused all of your energy on trying to bring some peace to the man holding you like a lifeline. You tried to inhale and exhale slowly, hoping that you could mirror some sort of normal rhythm for Ray to follow. You kept it up for a few minutes, relieved to see that it was beginning to work just a little bit. Though Ray’s panic was still palpable, it seemed just a little bit more manageable.

Maybe now would be a good idea to try talking to him, you thought. 

You attempted to move again, but as soon as you tried to pull back, Ray’s arms tightened around you even more, restricting your range of motion. Resigning yourself to your temporary fate, you opted to move your hands instead, trying to nudge his head up gently.

“Hey,” you prompted. “Can I look at you?”

You didn’t get an immediate response, but Ray stilled for a second. As soon as you were about to ask the question again, Ray finally lifted his head from the crook of your shoulder. His hands moved from your back and he pulled away just enough to look at you. He met your gaze with glassy, slightly bloodshot eyes. Some of his fringe was sticking to his cheeks, dampened with tears, and the skin around his eyes, already puffy, was starting to swell.

You had seen Ray upset many times. You’d seen him frightened, enraged, depressed, and everything else in between, but you’d never seen him fraught with such intense misery. You could feel your heart constrict a little bit. Ray was looking at you as if he expected you to throw him to the side at any minute.

You gently ran your thumbs beneath his eyes, smearing some of the tears away. Slowly, you ghosted your fingers across his forehead to move some of the bangs that had been stuck to his cheeks. Ray’s face flushed at your touch, his skin hot beneath your fingertips, but his eyes filled with tears again.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, voice quivering. “I don’t deserve you right now.”

“That’s not true,” you cupped his cheeks, your thumbs moving back out to catch the tears that had begun falling from his eyes again. They wet your fingertips, which turned cold in the frigid air of the workroom. Ray’s eyelids fell shut for a second and he inhaled shakily, his hands moving to cover yours like he was trying to memorize the feeling of your skin against his. It was strange to feel his hands against yours without the barrier of his gloves. It made everything feel that much more intimate.

“But I hurt you,” Ray’s eyes opened to meet your gaze again. His voice sounded watery when he spoke again. “He hurt you. I saw it. I heard it. You- You yelled, and you _ cried. _ ”

“That’s not your fault,” you tried to sound a bit more firm this time. “You didn’t choose for any of that to happen. I know that. And everyone gets upset sometimes. I’m okay.”

Your words seemed to have prompted something. Ray shook his head as if suddenly spurring into action. His hands moved away from yours, going instead to your cheeks, where he turned your head from one side to another, eyes scanning over you as if looking for injuries.

“No, no,” the words tumbled out of Ray’s mouth, fueled by a renewed anxiety. “You haven’t slept. You haven’t eaten well. I can see it. I- how do I fix it? Please forgive me. Please don’t hate me. I’ll do anything!”

The situation was escalating again.

“Ray, stop,” you caught his hands by the wrists, holding them firmly. Trying to keep yourself calm was a challenge of its own, but you tried to push away your own thready pulse and nausea to focus on the man in front of you. “It’s not your fault. There’s nothing for me to forgive. I could never blame any of this on you, and neither should you.”

A part of you believed that this wasn’t even truly Saeran’s fault, but that was a conversation for later.

Ray’s eyes were glued to yours. There was a frenzied fear swimming at the surface, his pupils dilated. He looked completely drained, like he had been crushed. The longer that you looked at him, the more you began to feel his pain as if it was your own. Briefly, you wondered if there was ever going to be an end to this cruel, destructive cycle.

Would you ever be able to get Ray out of here? Were you ever even going to get yourself out?

Then, you stopped. That thought had struck something within you.

Your mind went back for a second as you tried to focus on what exactly had happened- what you had heard that day. You could see it clearly in your head. Your hand was on the door to the workroom, which had been shut. Your bedroom had been dark, and you were barely breathing.

You’d been eavesdropping on Saeran and the believers. You heard them say it.

That you were leaving. 

The thought caused you to still for just a moment as the implications of that realization rushed you at once, crashing into you all over again. 

Saeran hadn’t said anything about it. You had known from the beginning that even if you asked, he wasn’t going to tell you any of Mint Eye’s plans. In fact, when you’d asked anyway, you had sent him spiraling into a rage-fueled breakdown. You had to suppress a shudder when you remembered that fight- the frenzied look in his unfocused eyes and the trembling of his hands as he grabbed you, holding you in place. You had never felt that desperate and cornered before. 

There had been no way that Saeran would tell you anything. 

But Ray might.

You tried to steel yourself. You knew that you would have to approach this carefully. Ray was just as emotionally volatile as Saeran, and though he wouldn’t get angry with you quite the same way, you knew that there would be nothing stopping Ray from keeping you as far away from the world as possible. He’d been doing so since your arrival. 

You took a deep breath and released Ray’s wrists, slowly taking hold of his hands and pulling them away from your face. He gripped you tightly, fingers digging into the back of your hands. 

There would never be a perfect moment. If you wanted to ask, you would have to do so now.

“Ray,” you started slowly, holding his gaze. “Can I ask you something?”

Ray’s eyebrows drew together for just a second into a ghost of a frown, but he seemed more confused than anything. He nodded, and you tried to continue gently.

“I heard some of the plans,” you kept your eyes on Ray as you spoke, gauging his reaction to every single word. “I heard that we’re leaving Magenta and going somewhere else. Can you tell me where we’re going?”

Ray stalled for a second. You could tell by the look in his eyes that he hadn’t been expecting this question from you. The silence that befell the two of you was long enough that you had to struggle to not focus on the rapidly increasing rate of your pulse. You inadvertently held your breath, trying to prepare yourself for any possible response that you may get.

It was hard to tell with Ray, and he wasn’t easy to read at this moment. 

“You… know?” Ray asked you.

You nodded again, slowly. “Yeah. I heard it all. The only thing I don’t know is where we’re going. Or why.”

Ray seemed to hesitate. It was clear that you either weren’t supposed to know or Ray didn’t want to tell you. His eyes left yours, averting to your connected hands, and you followed his gaze. He was gripping you tightly, like he was too afraid to let go. His nails had been bitten profusely, cuticles red and swollen, but any pain that they might have been causing him was completely ignored.

Ray was struggling. That much you could tell. Though the last thing you wanted to do was keep pushing, especially considering he was already on the edge, you had to know where you were going. You couldn’t remain in the dark anymore.

With how quickly everything had been progressing, you feared that you would be left behind if you hesitated any longer. Playing it safe wasn’t an option anymore. 

You had to keep trying.

“Please, Ray,” despite your effort to stay calm, you could hear the emotion leaking into your voice. “I’m worried. For both of us. Ever since I’ve come here, I’ve just been trying to keep my head down and do what I’m told. But I can tell that everything’s going to change, and I want to help. You shouldn’t have to do this alone. We’re a team, remember? We’re friends.”

Ray’s eyes darted back up to meet yours, widening just a fraction. Remnants of tears remained as droplets at the tips of his eyelashes, so small you could barely see them.

“Friends?” He repeated slowly, like he was tasting the word for the first time. “We are?”

You paused for just a second. To you, Ray’s disbelief was completely unexpected. 

You’d been with Ray for months. He’d kept you around, spent every day with you, cried into your arms, and lied to the Savior to keep you from taking the elixir. Despite everything that had happened, you had genuinely started to care for Ray very early on. He knew you better than anyone else at this point in your life.

And he struggled to believe that you were friends?

There was a dilemma brewing in your mind. Your stomach felt like it was filled with rocks.

You knew that you weren’t here because you wanted to be. You knew that you weren’t able to be honest with Ray about very much at all. You’d been lying from the very beginning, ducking behind shadows, sneaking around behind his back. You had been scheming against Ray since the day of your arrival. That night with V, Miyeon, and Seven, there had been a chance that you could have escaped.

But you’d also held him as he cried, allowed him to thread flowers into your hair, and listened to his deepest, darkest secrets. He’d recounted the horrors of his past and the fears that plagued him every waking second. You’d sat next to Ray all night as he coded away, dozing off from time to time, relishing in his presence as a reminder that you weren’t completely alone. You’d been lying from the very beginning, but there were times where you could be more yourself around Ray than you’d ever been around anyone else.

It didn’t make much sense. It was a strange mixture of lies and truth, threaded together and tied up so tightly that you couldn’t tell one apart from the other anymore. You couldn’t remember what the truth sounded like anymore.

But there had undeniably come a point where you’d considered Ray a friend, though an unconventional one. You cared for Ray deeply and worried about him as anyone would worry about someone dear to them. Whether or not you liked it, Ray had come to call your heart home a long time ago.

And you’d kissed him, hadn’t you?

You remembered it like it was yesterday. Though you still wanted to shrivel up from embarrassment when you thought back on it, actively trying to bury the memory as deeply as you could, it was still there. You had kissed Ray of your own volition, and it had meant something to you. 

The two of you had never actually spoken about what you meant to each other. Not once. The specifics of your relationship had been the last thing on your mind for quite some time. You were stuck in a cult, under the watchful eyes of a crazed, unhinged woman with the elegance of the sun and a tongue as sharp as a knife. You’d been too busy trying to survive to even think of what Ray was to you, and what you were to him. You just didn’t have the time.

But to you, there had been an unspoken agreement that the two of you were important to each other. You hadn’t even considered that agreement being one-sided. You couldn’t believe that Ray had actually asked you for clarification as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to consider you a friend.

Somehow, it hurt. Ray’s hesitation gripped your heart, twisting it so tightly that you could barely breathe for a second.

From the very beginning, you’d seen Ray had been incredibly invasive. He’d never quite understood personal space and insisted on having you around at all times. You couldn’t imagine that, despite all of that, Ray had felt this insecure with you for so long. 

You pulled your hands out of his to wrap your arms around his shoulders, guiding him into another embrace. This time, you were the one holding onto him tightly, your chest constricting as the implications of Ray’s confusion hit you. Now you were the one seeking comfort. 

_ Friends? _

You were friends. Weren’t you?

You could feel Ray returning your embrace as his head settled beneath your chin, like he was trying to melt right into you. One of your hands disappeared into his hair again, finding comfort in the familiarity of the dried, repeatedly bleached strands as they wrapped around your fingers.

You hadn’t even truly thought about it. You’d never even considered it. 

But at this point, saying that you weren’t friends felt horribly, disgustingly wrong. Even the thought of it was enough to hurt.

“Ray, of course we’re friends,” you breathed, your hold tightening just a little bit more. “We’ve been friends for a long time.”

There was just a short pause before you continued. You had to keep this going.

“Friends tell each other things,” you tried again. “They confide in each other. Which is why if there’s something happening, we’d tell each other. Right?”

You pulled away once more, meeting Ray’s gaze again, trying to keep him as engaged as possible. 

“Is it because the Savior’s gone?” The words were falling from your mouth, one after the other, as you tried to get a response out of him. “Are we not allowed to stay here if she’s gone?”

You seemed to have hit a nerve. Ray’s eyebrows furrowed, and you could see the anger filling his eyes.

“Savior left for him,” he eventually muttered, a dark glare settling into the crevices of his face. “For that traitor _. _ She left our paradise for that  _ hypocrite _ . She left me here, even though she promised that she wouldn’t. I- I don’t understand why she would leave.”

Ray sounded heartbroken. He wasn’t trying to hide how deeply hurt he felt. It was an opening, and you knew that you had to take it. 

“I know she left,” your words drew his gaze back to you. “But I won’t. I came here for you and I’m staying here with you. I promise. That’s what friends do.”

Ray’s gaze was intense, but there was something inherently unstable about his demeanor. You could have only imagined what thoughts were running through his head. Even Saeran had expressed his disappointment with the Savior, and you remembered how miserable he had looked at the time. Ray was much more open about his feelings, and for that reason, you could tell that he was struggling to believe you. He hadn’t been able to trust you from the very beginning- he’d kept you locked away for that very reason. The Savior’s leaving had only reinforced his fear.

Ray had been abandoned.  _ Again. _

So what was to say that you wouldn’t do the same thing?

You had to talk the both of you into believing that you would stay. There had always been the constant desire within you to escape, and it persisted even now, feeding the conflict that had been raging inside you since the very beginning. Even just a few minutes ago, you’d been memorizing the route towards the exit, flipping from camera feed to camera feed, trying to burn the corridors into your memory. There hadn’t been a single day where you had wanted to stay at Magenta.

But there also hadn’t been a day where you’d truly, genuinely wanted to leave Ray behind. Despite all that he had done to you, he was the only part of this hell that you had come to genuinely care for. You couldn’t hate him, just as you couldn’t hate Saeran.

You couldn’t leave them behind. You had to get Ray to believe that, too.

“Hey,” you took Ray’s hands in yours again, gripping them firmly in the hopes that you could ground him enough to get through to him. “I’d do anything to prove it to you. I mean it. I could never leave you behind, Ray. I care about you. You’ve made happy memories with me. You’ve taken me to the gardens, given me flowers, and cared for me. You’ve done everything for me, just to keep me safe.”

It was easy to rattle off everything that you’d heard from Ray before. He’d monologued to you so many times, reciting why it had been necessary to keep you locked up. He had recounted everything he wanted to do with you, all of the memories he wanted to make with you, all of the places he wanted to see with you. It was as if a certain point had come where Ray couldn’t imagine his life without you.

You knew that what Ray had done to you couldn’t be excused, but your words felt like they could have been true. You couldn’t even tell if you were lying anymore. There was some honesty mixed into all of this, you just didn’t know where.

“I know you’re hurting,” you continued. “I know she hurt you. And I’m sorry. But I could never hurt you like that. I love you, and you don’t hurt people that you love.”

As soon as you registered the words that had been slipping from your mouth, you stopped for a second, your face going hot. 

That had completely slipped out. 

Why had you said that?

“A-And-“ you tried to continue, but Ray cut you off. His eyes had gone wide, anger disappearing for just a second, betraying the surprise that he felt at your words. 

“You- love me?” He was stammering just as much as you had been. “You?”

Ray was holding onto you tightly, eyes locked onto yours, pinning you in place. You felt like he was trying to stare directly into you. 

Your embarrassment was nearly choking you. You hadn’t expected this. You were supposed to be the one carrying the conversation, not falling victim to the shame that you felt for admitting something that you’d never even truly let yourself think about. 

Even after kissing him, you’d never thought about it. You didn’t let yourself.

You’d known somewhere, in the back of your mind. You’d danced around the topic time and time again, but never truly zeroed in on the reality of your feelings. That was a privilege you wouldn’t allow yourself. You didn’t deserve to feel so strongly. Not for Ray. Not for Saeran. Not for those who took you by the hand and let you into solitude, sealing you away from the rest of the world. You were too busy trying to stay alive to think about any of this.

And when you considered the reality of your situation and what you were rationally supposed to feel, your dilemma only became more complex.

You were supposed to hate him. You  _ had _ to hate him. If nothing else, you weren’t allowed to love him, because it didn’t make sense. It undermined everything you’d been working for. It made everything so much more complicated than it already was. You were trying to escape- how could you love the person keeping you trapped?

You felt like you were being strangled. You didn’t want to think about this. Now wasn’t the time, but you had no choice.

You hadn’t even admitted this to yourself. How were you supposed to go about talking about this with Ray? How had you so easily spoken the very same words that you hadn’t even let yourself truly think about?

But there was something about the way that Ray was looking at you that made you pause. He looked  _ hopeful.  _ He looked like he had finally set his eyes upon something worth feeling good about. Like there was an answer worth relying on, just out of reach. And this was what you had wanted for him.

How could you crush that hope? How could you tell a lie and destroy everything that you’d been working for? You couldn’t take back what you’d said. It was already out in the open. You had no choice but to find a way to work with it.

“I-“

You started, and then stopped, averting your eyes. Your mouth remained open for a second, and you knew that you looked as gutted as you felt. Your chest felt strangely constricted. You couldn’t quite think straight. You were slightly dizzy and strangely alert at the same time.

You knew what this meant. You knew what this hesitation was implying and, as much as you wanted to ignore it, you couldn’t. You couldn’t lie.

_ Damn.  _

“Yeah,” your shoulders released some of their tension, like just admitting to the truth was enough to relieve you of a fraction of the burdens you’d been carrying. 

You met Ray’s gaze again. “Yeah, I do.”

Ray didn’t say a word as he looked at you, gripping your hands tightly. You didn’t speak, either.

You knew that you would have to derail this conversation. You didn’t have the time to properly talk this out. There was too much else going on, and you feared that you would lose any last chance you had at getting out of here with Ray if you didn’t keep yourself focused.

You knew that you would have to talk about this at some point. An honest conversation with Ray was long overdue. You weren’t even sure if you’d ever properly had one with him before.

_ But not now _ .

The flush that was tinting Ray’s cheeks had spread to his nose and to the tips of his ears. He looked a mess, with disheveled hair and puffy eyes, but for the first time in a long time, there seemed to be a glimmer of something other than misery in his eyes

You couldn’t quite remember how long it had been since you’d seen him like this. Even before Saeran arrived, Ray had been desolate and miserable, filled with more elixir than you’d known about. You knew that this was only a temporary fix, but somehow, it was comforting. 

But you didn’t have time to relish in the moment.

“So, Ray,” your voice was significantly softer this time around, and you squeezed his hands in yours, “I need you to trust me. Okay?”

Ray’s face was still a deep, rosy pink, his eyes still glistening with the remnants of his earlier tears. He was still rattled, but not as desperate as he had been before. Something had changed. It was like your admission had brought him some semblance of peace, even if just for this moment.

And this was one of the only times where you knew for sure that you hadn’t lied to him.

“Do you trust me?” You asked.

Ray nodded, and some of your nerves began to settle again.

This was okay. You could work with this. All you needed to do was to latch onto this chance and to keep your wits about you. Things were moving in a more manageable direction, and though this wasn’t perfect, it was much better than before. 

Ray wasn’t panicking anymore. And for now, that was all that truly mattered.

“I trust you too,” you said. “So can you tell me? What’s going on? Where are we going?”

Ray hesitated, averting his eyes for a second like he was deliberating his words.

“We are leaving,” he sounded significantly calmer this time. “It’s been one of our backup plans. The Savior told us that if we were compromised, we would have to move to a secondary location.”

_ Compromised? _

Was this because of the RFA?

You could feel your heart beginning to thump a little bit faster as you processed this new information. You’d never once thought that Mint Eye would have a secondary base, and the thought was as frightening as it was fascinating. You had no idea that the Savior’s influence had reached so far that she was able to acquire access to so many buildings, even in such a rural area.

You tried not to think about all of the people who had financed this- who knew what was going on in these woods.

“So, is that why we’ve been backing up all of the data?” You asked Ray, trying to appear as composed as you could

Ray responded with a nod before his lips pressed into a thin line, eyebrows furrowing. “Though… I never thought that we would have to use it. I never thought that the Savior would go off and leave us here alone. It means that she trusts me to take care of things so I should feel honored, but…”

Ray trailed off, his eyes suddenly becoming unfocused like he was going somewhere far away. 

“But you feel abandoned?” You tried to finish his sentence. When he squeezed your hand, you could tell that you had guessed right. 

The air in the room felt heavy. You could tell that what was happening right now had never happened before. Ray had relied on the Savior completely- he hardly did a thing without telling her first. A single word from her had the potential to completely uproot his life and ruin it all. 

She had the power to help Ray. But she chose to hurt him, again and again.

There was a deep anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach, but you didn’t dare pay it any attention. You had just now gotten a handle on everything, and you couldn’t let either of you dwell on the negatives

“I’ll help you,” you told Ray, managing a bit of a smile. “So you don’t have to do this alone. Just tell me what I have to do.”

Instantly, Ray shook his head. “I’m not going to make you work,” He told you. “You’re tired. You don’t look well. You need to rest.”

You were quick to try and stop this train of thought before it evolved into something you couldn’t control.

“I’m fine,” you insisted. “If anything, I feel better when there’s something I can do. I’d really rather help you if I could.”

Ray didn’t immediately respond to you. It was clear that he was thinking about something, and after a moment he stood, helping you up, and released your hand. He moved over to his desk and pressed a few keys. The monitors blipped from the screensaver to the desktop, showcasing the windows that Saeran had pulled up. Ray looked through some of the open applications, glancing through the code like he was trying to catch himself up. 

Your laptop was still laying on the ground, so you picked it up before returning to the desk, setting the computer down atop the laminated wood. You waited in silence, giving Ray the time that he needed to look through everything.

Ray hummed, his eyebrows pressed together in concentration, and you took that as your cue.

“What’s up?” You asked, stepping closer to eye the monitors. You couldn’t understand much.

“There’s not much left to do,” Ray commented, before glancing at your laptop. He angled it towards himself and tilted the screen up, looking it over. You eyed him as he worked, pondering the significant change in his mood. Ray seemed much more focused, much more composed, as if there was little exhaustion after a panic attack so substantial.

Had you really made that much of a difference? Or was he just used to acting like these things hadn’t ever happened?

You remained standing by the sidelines, watching Ray as he fiddled with this and that, typing a few lines into his computer, finishing strings of code. He looked almost as you remembered, eyes soft even while focused. Though he was still in the same suit, shifting around inside of it uncomfortably and tugging at the tight collar around his neck, it was clear that this was Ray. You hadn’t really had the time to deliberate the truth behind his and Saeran’s existence before.

It didn’t make much sense to you. You’d never encountered anything quite like this.

You knew that alternate personalities and dissociative disorders were a trauma response, and Ray and Saeran had experienced more than enough trauma to account for such a drastic solution. Who was the real person, then? Were Ray and Saeran alters, or something else entirely?

You didn’t know enough to come to any conclusions. Not about Ray, Saeran, or their suffering. This wasn’t an answer that you could find on your own, and there was no way that you could ask prematurely. Ray was already in a considerably fragile emotional state, and you prodding around unnecessarily would only agitate wounds that were already too large for him to handle alone. Ray was somewhat composed for the first time in weeks, and you weren’t going to put that at risk.

You felt at ease when Ray was able to relax.

“How much is left?” You eventually broke the silence.

Ray was still concentrating on the monitors, but he replied to you regardless. “Not much. Most of the data has been backed up and transferred, and with the footage you’ve spliced together, we should be able to set up the feed so that nobody notices it’s on a loop.”

You felt your heart beginning to thrum in your chest, a strange mixture of anxiety and apprehension beginning to fill your stomach.

“So, then, are we going to be able to leave?”

Ray finally looked away from the monitors, his eyes meeting yours, and despite the obvious exhaustion that was clinging to him, he looked surprisingly determined. “Yes. We’ll leave Magenta soon.”

You didn’t say anything.

How long was this determination going to last?

How long would you have until Saeran returned? If Ray had made it back so suddenly, he could disappear again, just as suddenly. And if Saeran came back, you would be at an even larger disadvantage than you were at right now.

You couldn’t truly rely on this, and you knew that. But you wanted to believe that, just for a second, you could find some comfort in Ray’s return.

Still, your chest felt constricted. It was getting harder to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My eyes feel like glue. I was reading through this all day.
> 
> Sorry for the sudden wait between updates! I like to give you guys a heads up when I think it'll take a second, and I thought I would be able to get another update in before school started but I couldn't. And though I didn't end up going back to school anyways because I had to take a semester off, I've started writing a bit more regularly on Tumblr, so I'm still trying to figure out how to work all of this into a somewhat structured schedule. It's a learning curve for me, and life is kind of weird these days so it may take a minute. Thank you for being patient! Rest assured, this story won't be abandoned, even if the updates are paced strangely
> 
> Anyways- this chapter's a bit of a sudden shift. A bit of a strange progression. There's a lot of mention of things that had been shoved away and forgotten, and it only scratched the surface. This story is a mess of repressed emotions- a lot of things that were focused on in the beginning faded away for a little while, but they're still there. The focus on survival results in a bit of a disconnect from Reader's emotions, but that doesn't mean they're gone. If that makes sense. :)
> 
> Actually, I wrote this story with a certain philosophy in mind-there's something in particular I wanted to draw attention to. Though a lot of things about this fic have changed since I originally started planning it, the main message, if you will, has always remained the same. I'm interested to see what everyone thinks as this continues to progress. :) This is more than just a 200k+ word character analysis, haha.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left a kudos/commented! As always, I love love reading everyone's insights. You all keep my perspective fresh and motivate me. It really means a lot. This story is my baby and to see people enjoying it is so gratifying :') If anyone has any thoughts, please feel free to comment! I love interacting with everyone!
> 
> I hope everyone's well! Please take care of yourselves!


	30. Plunge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the world is falling apart around you and you struggle to remember how you got here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a long one, folks! 25 pages and 10k words. Strap yourselves in.

The first thing you registered was your lungs.

They were full, you thought. Breathing was harder than you’d ever remembered it being. You could taste something horribly sweet, yet disgustingly bitter in your mouth, coating your tongue and your throat. Your eyes burned, watering, and blurring your vision. You could barely feel the tears dripping down your face, and you slowly peeled your hands away from your ears, fingers brushing against the skin beneath your eyes. 

You hadn’t been crying.  _ Right? _

You couldn’t quite remember. Why were there tears on your face? 

They didn’t belong. 

You pulled your fingers back. The tips were damp, but smeared with something slightly grey. Your face was dirty. 

You didn’t understand what had happened. Nothing was comprehending. The world around you was a jigsaw puzzle, but none of the pieces fit together. 

You couldn’t hear. The ringing in your ears was deafening, and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. You couldn’t catch up.

The very air felt damp. Your face was slick, and your clothes stuck to your body, gripping onto you with no intentions of letting go. You tried to swallow away the taste in your mouth but it was too dry. Your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth for a second.

How had this happened?

It was all coming to a climax, building up around you, pulling a rubber band to the precipice. It was about to snap, and you struggled to lessen the pressure. When you closed your eyes you could see the edge of the cliff you’d been at for months. You were teetering at the edge, looking down at the void that awaited you below. You couldn’t see the bottom. 

You opened your eyes again. You were terrified to fall. 

As the ringing in your ears increased, you finally looked up. You could barely see through the trees, but you instantly noticed the pillows of smoke curling up into the sky like hands reaching for the sun. It coloured the air, turning everything a mixture of red and dark grey. 

Your eyebrows drew together as you sat on the ground, still pressed against your tree. 

What were you looking at? What had happened here? 

Why was your head so empty?

You felt as if you were nearing the edge of the cliff, peeing over the edge. It was a bottomless pit, and you were barely able to remain upright. 

It was all becoming too much. You couldn’t hear, you couldn’t think, you couldn’t see past the smoke. You could feel your chest constricting even more as the lump in your throat grew. The ringing was becoming louder as images seemed to flash in your eyes, one after the other, telling you a story that you had forgotten.

The ringing grew louder.

The rubber band snapped.

_ He’s in that burning building. _

And after months of fighting, you finally fell over the edge of the cliff. 

* * *

How had you gotten there? You weren’t quite sure.

How had anything gotten to the point it was at now? Your world had changed so much over the past few months that nothing truly felt the same anymore. Everything around you was different. The sun in the sky was not as it once was. The world as a whole had morphed into something unrecognizable, contorted past recognition. You had long since come to terms with the fact that your old life was forever gone, and you would never be able to return to it.

You didn’t have time to mourn your loss. Since coming to Magenta, you had realized that there were parts of your world that you held dear, even if you hadn’t realized it at the time. It was the smaller memories and moments that had meant something to you. The park bench you briefly called home, the lattes you ordered at your favourite cafe, and the cashier that had been especially kind to you. The anonymity as you wandered the streets, the shops and buildings that caught your eyes, and the sound of happy chatter around you.

Those were all things that were no longer a part of your life. You had been restricted and trapped, drugged and kidnapped. And though you were stuck, your life picked up so much speed that you felt like you were constantly stumbling, playing catch-up to something you couldn’t see. You’d never had time to mourn your old life. Everything had changed too quickly. 

But nothing had escalated as quickly as it did that day. Not since the day you’d been kidnapped and drugged, and not since Saeran’s arrival.

Everything had caught you off guard from day one, but nothing like this. And you hadn’t seen it coming at all. You’d never guessed that things would take such a drastic turn.

How could you have?

You’d been working on the evacuation plan, tying up loose ends. You finished your tapes and Ray began to implement them, after which he began to wipe his computers and power them down completely. You’d both been working with such quiet dedication that you couldn’t imagine that something so dire had been weighing on Ray’s mind. The only initial signs of discomfort you’d seen were the headaches that continuously assaulted him, reducing him to temporary displays of pain. His breath would hitch and his hand would fly up to tangle into his hair. You would put a hand on his arm gently, reminding him to breathe and wait for the pain to pass. 

Other than that, Ray seemed surprisingly grounded. For somebody who had been stuck inside of his own head for so long, you had expected him to appear far more unstable. 

Not that you were complaining. This was easier on both of you. 

Despite that, though, Ray looked far from healthy. His skin was pale, tinted a strange shade of grey, and the dark bags under his eyes were beginning to appear puffy and slightly purple. He had been pushed far past his limits, but he was somehow still forcing himself to stand and work. Even when you had insisted he take a break, Ray would refuse. 

“You’re trying to care for me, aren’t you?” For a second, a sweet smile would tug at his lips, as if he had found a temporary peace. “Thank you. I’ll keep your words close. But I can’t take a break just yet. There’s still a lot of important things to do.”

Though you continued to push your case afterwards, Ray’s mind had been made up. He refused to take a break, and he was firm in that decision. You came to the conclusion that all you could do was help Ray in whatever way you could, if only to lighten some of the burden. He didn’t let you do much, but it was enough to keep you from feeling completely useless. 

Your pool of jobs in the workroom had already trickled out. Everything was clean, completely wiped, and the preparations for the evacuation itself had long since been finished. Though you were done here, though, there still seemed to be more to do.

“We’re almost done,” Ray told you. “There’s just a little bit more.”

“Sure,” you said. “What’s next, then?”

You weren’t immediately graced with a reply. Instead, Ray’s eyebrows narrowed into a frown as he regarded you, lips pressing together slightly. He seemed to be deliberating something, and the concern in his eyes told you that it likely had something to do with you. 

“What’s up?” You held his gaze. 

Ray didn’t immediately answer. It was clear through his rigid shoulders and the way he bit his lip that something was plaguing him, but he seemed to be taking a second to sort things through before confiding in you. 

Eventually, though, he opened up to you. 

“I’m… worried,” Ray admitted. “I don’t know what to do with you. I can’t leave you in here, but I don’t want to take you out there, either. If you’re out of this room, it feels like you might disappear.”

You weren’t entirely surprised by this sentiment. Ray had always seemed to possess an intense fear of abandonment, especially towards the few people that he held close. You knew that was why he had never let you out of the workroom without him in the first place, but now that there was an evacuation plan, keeping you stuck was no longer an option. 

You thought over his words and took a step forward, taking both of his hands in yours.

“I know you’re worried, but this is going to happen eventually anyway, right?” You ran your thumbs over his knuckles, hoping that the motion would soothe him somewhat. “I promise that I won’t go anywhere without you.”

It wasn’t a lie. You really wouldn’t know where to go anyways, even if you did somehow manage to disappear from Ray’s side. And even if, by some stroke of luck, you were able to get away, you knew that there was no way that you could leave Ray or Saeran behind. You had seen what they were enduring at the hands of Mint Eye and the Savior. You knew what had befallen them and just how much they were suffering as a result of their past. The thought of abandoning them to further torment made you feel sick.

Even with all of their faults, you cared about Ray and Saeran deeply. You couldn’t sacrifice them to Mint Eye after everything that they’d been through.

They had locked you up. Ray had taken you here, and Saeran had berated you and tormented you repeatedly. And though you knew that wasn’t okay, you also knew that they were victims, too. You had been in a strange, grey area for so long. You had struggled to understand where your loyalties lied and what you would do, given the chance to escape. 

You had faltered more times than you could count. But now, you were sure. 

Ray’s fingers curled around yours, squeezing your hands tightly. He was looking down, watching as you returned the squeeze with a small one of your own.

“If I could choose, I would keep you in here forever,” Ray murmured, eyebrows still pressing together. “I would stay here with you, so that neither of us ever have to look at anyone else. But the Savior left and gave me the order to evacuate, so we have to.”

He was silent for just a second before meeting your eyes again. “I don’t want to leave this place. I don’t have a life outside of here.”

Your heart slowly started to sink, and you shook your head. Part of you hurt when you heard Ray talk like that, as if he genuinely believed that the world didn’t have enough room for him.

How lonely it must have been to live like that, you thought. 

“No, Ray, that’s not true,” you insisted. “You do have a place. You can live a happy life, and I’ll be there to help you. I promised, remember?”

Ray held your gaze, but he looked unsure. 

There hadn’t been many instances when you’d genuinely doubted the strength of your influence on Ray. Though there were many times where your words had been overridden by those of the Savior, you were able to get through to him the majority of the time. You’d gotten Ray to consider leading a life outside of Magenta before, so you thought that if you tried hard enough, you may be able to convince him to try. 

But now, you weren’t as sure. You were throwing your efforts at a cement wall.

You had to try again.

“I’ll be there with you,” your voice softened. “You won’t be lonely. I told you how much I care about you, right?”

Ray nodded slowly.

You forced a small smile, trying to appear confident despite your anxiety. “There, see? I’m not going to leave.”

He held your gaze for a few seconds, mint eyes searching yours. “Promise?”

You were beginning to feel somewhat soothed by the lessening of his initial resistance. Ray seemed a bit more willing to believe you now, and the apprehensive beating of your heart felt a little bit less hostile in your chest.

“I promise.”

Your words seemed to bring Ray some comfort. He closed his eyes and nodded, letting out a small sigh. You couldn’t tell what exactly was going on in his head, but he seemed to have temporarily retreated to a different world, as if he was trying to gather himself. You continued to hold his hands, occasionally running your thumbs over the backs of his palms.

Then, Ray seemed to come back. He appeared a bit more decisive this time, his time away having restored some of his confidence.

“Okay,” Ray squeezed your hands one last time before he let you go and returned to his desk. He grabbed both his phone and your own, which he handed to you. “Keep it with you,” he instructed. “There shouldn’t be any reason we get separated, but if we are, call me to come find you.”

You nodded, shoving the device into your pocket. You could feel your heart thrumming in your chest, ignited by the implications of his words. You tried to steel yourself, but the nerves bouncing around inside of you were fueled by a renewed fury. The world seemed to be buzzing around you.

It had been months since you’d been outside. The farthest away you’d been from the workroom was your few visits to the gardens, and even then, you were still trapped. You’d gotten used to feeling claustrophobic after some time had passed. Growing accustomed to your surroundings had been a necessity if you wanted to survive. It had been so long that you weren’t sure how it felt to be out in the open anymore. And you were now leaving this building behind for good. 

There was a part of you that felt strangely sentimental about the thought that you may not see this workroom again. Despite it having been your own personal cage for weeks on end, you had become somewhat emotionally attached to it. This room had been a source of familiarity, a temporary haven away from Mint Eye. It was the only place in which you felt you could breathe a little bit easier.

Leaving it behind would be strange. The dark walls, blue monitors, and small attached bedroom had been your home over the last few weeks, for better or for worse. 

You tried to swallow your nerves, but they continued to buzz in your stomach. Ray took your hand and led you towards the door. He swiped his ID card and the door beeped, unlocking with a loud click. He pulled the door open, but paused before he walked out. He looked back over at you, face morphing into something more anxious. 

“Please- don’t let go,” he pleaded. “Okay? Stay by my side, no matter what.”

You gave his hand another squeeze, sending him a smile. “I promise.”

Your words seemed to soothe Ray enough that he felt he could trust you. He took another breath, closing his eyes for a second, and pulled the door open completely. As he led you out into the hallway, you had to speed up your pace a bit to keep up with him. 

The hallways always appeared much brighter after being in the dark workroom for so long, but today, something else felt different about them. The bright walls were almost blinding, the ornate vases with flowers still glittering, but the air felt stale somehow. It was almost as if, in the Savior’s absence, Magenta itself began to lose its light. Its beauty had only been surface level, but without her, it lacked substance. It was a skeleton.

Everything seemed to pass you by quickly as you remained with Ray, your eyes flitting from wall to wall, decoration to decoration. 

Everything around you glittered like glass, but it felt empty. Despite the few believers shuffling around, you felt as if you were in a space devoid of life. There was a different energy to the halls and the movements of the Believers, who were moving around a little bit faster than usual. Everybody seemed to be rushed and slightly nervous. 

You couldn’t quite remember the last time you’d wandered through these halls with Ray the way that you were now. You’d previously made many forays with Miyeon while she was there, wandering back and forth.

It was strange to think of her. It’d been such a long time since you had last seen her. You could only hope that her, Seven, and V were well.

Two Believers, who had been rushing through the hallways, stopped and bowed their heads as you and Ray passed. You avoided eye-contact with them, your stomach churning with discomfort. 

“Is everyone ready to go?” You asked, your voice nearly swallowed by the empty air. “There’s not a lot of Believers left.”

Ray glanced back at you before responding. “Yeah. The Disciples have been rounding everyone up for some time. Many of them are already gone.”

Your eyebrows shot upwards, mouth opening just the slightest, but no words found their way to your tongue. You remained silent for a bit, trailing beside Ray. His fingers were tightly wound around yours, and the contact kept you grounded as your thoughts began to splay outward.

You hadn’t known that the Believers had already started leaving. It was always strange to consider the world outside of your workroom. You were so used to the monotony and the same, grey walls that you forgot the rest of the world was continuing on without you. Somehow, the knowledge that Magenta was beginning to empty out made you feel slightly uneasy. This place was too large, too eerie to have so much empty space. 

You supposed you should have been glad they were gone, but moving to another location wasn’t the same as them escaping. Your mouth felt dry as you entertained that thought. No matter where the Believers went, they would still be at the mercy of Mint Eye. Going somewhere else didn’t solve that. 

“Where’s the secondary location?” You pushed your luck with another question. You tried to imagine another Magenta-like building hidden away in the woods somewhere. It didn’t quite come to fruition. 

“It’s a bit farther into the woods,” Ray entertained your curiosity. “We built it along with this complex. It’s a failsafe, so it’s a bit far away.”

_ Failsafe. _ The word made you feel deeply uncomfortable. It was a reminder of just how dire of a situation you were in. The fact that Mint Eye had been so well planned-out threatened to lower your spirits. 

You didn’t say anything else. You continued to wander down a familiar hallway, and just as you began to hope that you weren’t going where you thought you might be going, Ray took a turn into the throne room. Your heart immediately lurched into your throat, your stomach going topsy-turvy inside of you. Though you knew the Savior was gone, this place remained in your memories as a testament to the horrors that you’d endured. The dark walls, bright tapestries, and golden intricacies were beautiful in the most horrific way, as if they were trying to cover up all of the atrocities that lurked in the darkness.

Your pulse sped up as you followed Ray towards the back of the room. There was a smaller door that you’d never noticed before, hidden behind another tapestry, and Ray pushed his way inside.

Your head was spinning from the shock of being tugged into the throne room so suddenly, but it seemed to fade away for a second as you took in your surroundings. 

You couldn’t help feeling like you were seeing something that you were never meant to see. The room wasn’t very big, but it also wasn’t dark. If anything, the lighting in here was a bit more fluorescent than that of the throne room, a bit more artificial in comparison. It felt more modern. There was a collection of servers on one end of the room, whirring. There were few lights on the servers, but they were swallowed by the bright overhead lights. You also noticed a few panels in the room, each of which contained a selection of buttons, plugs, and switches that you’d never seen before. None of them were labeled, and your mouth went dry as you looked at them.

They seemed sinister. You hadn’t known that this room existed. 

You felt as if you were standing in the heart of some sort of secret operation. It shouldn’t have been entirely surprising. Mint Eye was a cult hidden in plain sight, that somehow none of the authorities knew about. It only made sense that a room like this would exist here. 

Ray let go of your hand for a second and you stood still, rigid, like a child waiting on an adult. You didn’t dare move or touch anything, as if you were afraid something would explode. Your eyes scanned across the room and the machinery within, taking them in, failing to decipher them. You followed the path of some of the wires, from where they jutted out of one plug to where they met another. Somehow, very few of them were tangled together. The room felt eerily cold, and a shiver prickled up your spine. Goosebumps prickled at your flesh, and you raised your hands to rub at your arms a bit. 

“Ray- what is this place?” The words slipped from your mouth. They felt condensed in this small room. 

Ray flipped a few switches as he responded, too focused to look at you. “These are Mint Eye’s servers,” he told you. “Since we’re going to leave, we need to turn them off. We’ve transferred the information we need and wiped them but it’s a bit safer to shut the entire system down quickly before we go.”

You nodded even though he wasn’t looking at you, and you watched as he flipped another switch, powering the last of the servers down. The whirring in the room came to a slow stop, and the silence felt strangely intimate in such an enclosed space. Ray shifted for a second, rolling out his shoulders uncomfortably, and tugged at the sleeves of Saeran’s suit.

Though he and Saeran shared the same body, the suit on Ray looked off.

“Aren’t you going to change?” You asked him.

Ray shook his head, tugging at the cuffs of his sleeves one last time. “No. There’s not enough time. The Savior entrusted me to perform these duties. I don’t have the time to worry about clothes.”

Though you wanted to insist that changing wouldn’t take long, you quickly came to the conclusion that this wasn’t worth pursuing. As you made that decision, Ray came to a stop again. His hands raised, fingers weaving into strands of silver hair to hold his head. You could see the blood draining from his face and his breath hitched, shoulders going rigid. You instantly knew what was going on.

You’d come to understand that headache and the implications behind it, and your stomach flipped. You knew that your life would be far more difficult if Saeran were the one to lead you out of Magenta, so your gut reaction was to stop this before it could get out of control. You approached Ray tenderly. You reached out a hand but stopped short of touching him, trying to avoid overstimulating him. Your eyebrows drew into a concerned frown. 

“Another headache?” You tried to keep your voice gentle,

Ray nodded, and a strangled noise of pain wormed its way out of his throat. He managed to pry an eye open to look at you, gaze stuck on your figure, desperate, and the gritting of his teeth told you that this headache was bad. When Ray saw your outstretched hand he took the liberty of closing the distance between the two of you, one of his own hands shooting away from his head and curling around your wrist.

“He can’t come back yet,” Ray’s voice was tight, and his shoulders trembled with the pressure of keeping them so rigid. “I need to fulfill my duties.”

Watching him stand so stiffly, quivering because of it, worried you. You continued trying to remain as gentle as you could.

“It’s okay,” you attempted to soothe him. “Just remember to breathe. Let it pass.”

Ray held your gaze, but he didn’t say anything. Countless thoughts seemed to be passing through his eyes, like they were flitting beyond a slightly foggy pane of glass. You couldn’t see through the fog well enough to understand what was going on in his head, and that was strange. You could tell that Ray was thinking hard, but you didn’t know what about. He was an open book written in a foreign language. 

“Don’t leave my side,” Ray prompted out of nowhere, his fingers tightening around your wrist. “Stay with me. Please.”

You weren’t sure if your reassurance would make Ray feel much better, but you were quick to try.

“Of course,” you spoke with sincerity. “I’m not going anywhere. I promised, didn’t I?”

Ray held your gaze, and you found that there was something slightly strange about it- a new flicker of emotion that you couldn’t quite place. He appeared pained in more ways than one, and you found something slightly disconcerting about the way he was looking at you. The pit of your stomach was slowly beginning to churn.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

Ray paused for a second, averting his eyes in a display of apparent guilt.

“I… don’t want to leave Magenta,” he admitted. “This place is Paradise. It’s safer. It’s where we belong.”

You pressed your lips together slightly, your gut beginning to spin in slow circles. It made you feel queasy to hear him speaking like that. As much as you had been aware of Ray’s attachment to Magenta and Mint Eye from day one, it was always difficult to work around it when your goal was to get him to want to leave. You could sympathize with Ray’s struggles. You knew why he had become so attached to this place. But you were so adverse to Magenta that you struggled to empathize with the perceived safety that he saw here.

You understood why in theory, but not in practice. There were few places more hellish than Magenta, and you had come to know that well.

“I know,” you said. “But it’s not safe here anymore. The Savior thinks so too, right?”

Ray nodded, eyes still averted. He seemed to be thinking of something, deliberating extra hard, and though he admitted his feelings to you, you couldn’t help feeling as if there was more that he wasn’t telling you. The air felt somewhat tense, heavy with words unsaid, and it was beginning to make you feel uncomfortable.

“Hey,” you gave his hand a small squeeze. “We’ll do it together. Okay?”

Ray met your eyes again, and he held your gaze. Something seemed to soften slightly as he looked at you, searching you for something you couldn’t quite place. Eventually, he nodded.

“Okay.”

And his grip around your wrist loosened. His hand raised to your cheek, and he held you in place as he leaned in to kiss you tenderly on the forehead. You allowed Ray to do as he pleased, your face growing warm, and you gave him a small smile when he pulled back to look at you. 

“Thank you,” he caressed the apple of your cheek, as if tracing the curvature of your face. 

You nodded.

And with that, Ray let you go and turned back around, returning his attention to the servers once more. Though everything seemed to have been cleared up to a certain extent, you still couldn’t help feeling as if something wasn’t quite right. 

You didn’t say anything else as Ray finished up. He returned to you and took your hand as if it was something he did on autopilot and flicked the light switch off. There was the slightest red glow from one of the panels within and it illuminated your path out before it was swallowed with the closing of the door. 

It was as you were led down unfamiliar halls that the weight of what was happening finally hit you.

It had been quite some time since you’d arrived at Magenta. Months had passed in a confusing pattern- your days had fallen into a routine that, while consistent, was chaotic enough to consistently keep you on your toes. You felt as if your time here had twisted you in ways that you weren’t prepared for. It had forced you to ground yourself, to adapt to a dangerous situation and to become aware of everything about yourself to ensure your survival. You had become paranoid and hypervigilant, and not without good reason. You’d never before had to watch your words and actions so closely, and you’d never lived under threat before, confined to small spaces and dark rooms.

You could almost laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Things like this just didn’t happen to people. In some ways, you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that this was real at all.

Your life here hadn’t been entirely different from your life in the outside world. It had just been far more extreme and much more dangerous. You had always been rather isolated, cutting yourself off from those around you, but once you had come to Magenta, it turned into something that you’d been unable to properly cope with. There was a part of you that had retreated during your stay here, hidden away so that you could focus on the things that would ensure your survival. You’d stifled yourself so much that you dreaded the day that it all had to come back to the surface.

Going outside was the beginning of that process. You were so overwhelmed that you momentarily faltered.

Though you’d been in the gardens before, reacquainting yourself to the feeling of the sun on your skin and the gentle caress of curling breezes, you’d still been confined. Though the walls were donned with vines and flowers, they still caged you in. 

But when you walked out of the front doors of Magenta, there was no decorated cage keeping you trapped.

You never realized it was possible to be able to breathe this freely. The world seemed to come to a languid pause, giving you just an instant in time to survey your surroundings and just how far the world stretched out. Though you were surrounded by forestry, you felt like you were in the middle of the ocean. Everything around you was so big, so expansive, that you struggled to accept that your world had been so small for so long.

Standing outside, it was difficult to believe that you had been stuck in such a small, dark room. The very air smelled sweet, like a freedom that you had completely forgotten about.

Ray’s hand was tighter around yours than ever before, and you looked over at him. Even he seemed different in the sunlight. His hair was the color of opals in the rays of the sun, and he appeared far brighter, despite how tired and pale he was. Your eyes flickered back out to survey your surroundings once more. 

You couldn’t believe that you’d forgotten what the world looked like. Had there really been a time where you’d enjoyed this every day?

Your heart thumped in your chest with a mixture of anxiety and apprehension. There was a part of you that struggled to believe that you were actually outside- something you’d been wanting for so long. You were hit by the realization that you could just yank your hand away and sprint out through the gap in the trees that must have been the path out. You could have run with all of your might, until your legs and your lungs burned, never once looking back.

But you knew that you wouldn’t. Maybe a few months ago you would have tried, but now you couldn’t.

A few Believers were waiting, a small posse near the edge of the trees, and Ray led you directly towards them. He looked at one of the Believers, eyebrows drawn into a slight frown.

“Is this everybody?” Ray’s voice was uncharacteristically hard, as it always was when he spoke to the Believers. He was always surprisingly informal with them, but there was a part of him that seemed almost angry in this moment.

You didn’t have time to deliberate why.

The Believer nodded with a verbal affirmative, and soon, you were off. There was a small path, trodden a few times over, that you followed into the forestry. Time seemed to be passing you by impossibly fast, sweeping you up in a temporary whirlwind, and you were unable to relax despite being surrounded by the long-forgotten smell of foliage and sunlight. You weren’t sure if it was because you were overwhelmed to be outside or not, but you found yourself struggling to keep up, as if the ground beneath your feet was beginning to move. Ray’s hand became an anchor, something to help steel yourself, and you tried to focus on his presence- the one familiarity that made this journey seem far less frightening than it really was.

There was no denying that you had gotten used to Magenta. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was familiar. After spending months in those glittering walls, you had grown extremely used to them. You had become privy to the small details that brought you comfort- the vases with flowers, your favourite window in the hallways. Those smaller facets of Magenta had been the recipients of your focus, and the temporary diversion of your attention away from everything dangerous had given you enough respite to keep you going.

But this- the trees, the forest, moving alongside Believers- it was all different. So much so that you were almost dizzy. It was overwhelming in a way that you hadn’t expected.

A shaky exhale escaped you, an attempt to expel some of the jittery nerves from your body. It didn’t quite work the way you’d hoped it to. There was a faint buzzing in the back of your head, and try as you might to ignore it, it was set on making its presence known.

You almost hated yourself for becoming so reliant on Magenta. The routine and familiarity, dangerous though it was, had imprinted itself in your mind more than you’d expected it to.

“Are you okay?”

You looked up to meet Ray’s eyes. He seemed concerned. You shouldn’t have been surprised that he picked up on your discomfort so soon.

You forced a small smile to your lips. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

Ray stopped walking. He brought one of his hands up to your forehead, as he always did when he was worried for you. His skin was surprisingly soft against yours, and his eyes searched yours as if he was trying to read you.

It was a look you hadn’t seen from him in quite some time. It was reminiscent of the way that Ray had treated you upon your initial arrival- extremely overbearing, almost distrustful. You allowed him to assess you in his own way, hoping that he would come to relax on his own. He still didn’t look convinced, though, and you finally spoke up again.

“Really, I’m fine,” you insisted. “It’s just been a while since I was outside. It’s a bit overwhelming.”

Ray nodded a little bit, mulling over your words.

“I didn’t want to take you out here,” he admitted, his hand dropping from your forehead. “The world is dangerous. Our Savior told me that it would keep stepping on you, just like it would to the rest of us. And I believe that, too. If I could, I’d keep you in Magenta forever. It’s safer for you there. It’s Paradise.”

You didn’t respond immediately.

_ Paradise _ , you thought. What a joke.

Magenta was far from paradise. It was nothing but a farce, a pretty exterior to something extremely dark and dangerous. The elixir, the brainwashing, and the holding cells in the basement were the core philosophy of Mint Eye. It was created to hold vulnerable people under its thumb for the Savior to exploit.

She was somebody who had gone from holding fundraising parties to endorsing kidnapping and extreme manipulation. To you, there was nothing redeemable about that.

She had convinced Ray that the world didn’t have a place for him. She had told him that if he left Mint Eye, he would experience nothing but the misfortune that he’d endured all of his life. And he believed her and stayed, because he didn’t want to experience that sort of pain anymore.

It made sense, in its own twisted way. Of course Ray wouldn’t want to be hurt anymore. He had suffered more than enough. More than most people ever would.

But the world wasn’t all bad, and you needed him to believe that. You wouldn’t have a chance at escaping with him if he believed that the world was inherently violent and volatile.

You held Ray’s gaze. “But that… doesn't have to be true.”

You started your speech off slowly, despite knowing that it likely wouldn’t get through to him.

He deserved better than this, and you had to get him to believe that.

“The world doesn’t have to be all bad, Ray,” you said. “I was being kicked around for a long time, but a lot of it was my fault. I’ve had a lot of happy times. I know you’ve been deprived of that, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t still have a chance at happiness. None of what happened to you was your fault, and you shouldn’t have to work yourself to death to get another shot. Happiness isn’t something that you should have to give your life up to get.”

Ray looked at you as you spoke, and though you couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking, you kept on talking.

“Besides, you’re not alone anymore. Right?” You reached for his hand and gave it a small squeeze. “I’m here for you. Not for the Savior or for Mint Eye. Just for you.”

This was one of the first times that you’d said something so emotionally loaded and wholeheartedly believed it. You couldn’t help feeling that, if only you could get through to him, things could get better for the both of you. You’d gotten used to being with Ray, and you’d come to treasure your time with him. You didn’t want to stay here, but you didn’t want to leave Ray, either.

You didn’t have anywhere to go, even if you did escape. You didn’t have a home or a job, and you didn’t have anyone that you were particularly close to. You’d never been particularly motivated to change the course of your life before, but now you found your head spinning in an attempt to consider the logistics.

You could make it work. You had to. If you could get Ray to believe you and leave with you, things might turn out okay. You could figure everything out in time.

Ray’s eyebrows drew together just slightly, and you could tell that he was pondering your words. He looked like you’d been speaking a foreign language, as if every word out of your mouth was something unfamiliar. 

And you supposed it was. Ray hadn’t had anyone to support him in a long time.

“You…” 

Ray trailed off for a second. He seemed conflicted, and you supposed that he would be.

You were important to him, and so was the Savior. But the words he had heard from the two of you were extremely different. You were sure that there was discord in his mind- a conflict between the two narratives he was being fed.

You had to hope that he would believe you. 

“You see the good in things,” Ray told you. “You have a pure heart. Even though the outsiders keep stepping on you, you still think that their world could be good for you. Is that why the tester and the traitor kept trying to steal you away?”

His mouth pressed into a thin line, as if he were deliberating something. “I know that you’re too good for somebody like me, but I want to keep you anyways. It’s a selfish wish that I don’t deserve to have granted, but I keep hoping for it.”

Ray’s fingers wound around yours a bit tighter.

“The world that you believe in doesn’t have a place for me.

Ray sounded deeply miserable when he spoke, like he’d already resigned himself to some secret fate, the course of which you were not privy to. He sounded like he’d almost lost hope, and that thought was beginning to settle in your stomach like heavy rocks.

When had this happened? 

“But that’s not how it works, Ray,” you insisted. “The world does have a place for you, and you’re allowed to choose to give it a chance. That’s what I’m doing. If you want to be with me and I want to be with you, that’s all there is to it. It’s up to us, and nobody else.”

Ray was silent for a moment again, regarding you with the same indecipherable look. A strange quiet descended between the two of you, blanketing your world and shutting everything out for a second. You could feel your own heartbeat, thumping against your chest, and the longer you waited, the more anxious you became.

You were terrified that he wouldn’t believe you. You feared that, if you took too long to convince him, your chance would be lost forever.

If only you could plant a seed of doubt in Ray’s head, you would have a chance.

“I...,” he paused again, trailing off, before looking back down the path that you were supposed to be following. “Let’s keep going, okay?”

You didn’t immediately give in. You held his eyes for a moment, trying to read him, but whatever he was keeping to himself was too coded for you to understand.

You didn’t know what to do. You knew that you were running out of time, but this wasn’t getting you anywhere. Still, Ray hadn’t outright denied your claims, and that was a start. You would have to let him think for just a little while, and if you needed to sit with your nerves while you waited, then so be it.

You nodded without another word. Ray began to move again, leading you forward, and you trailed behind him with a slight crease between your brows.

Something was… off. You couldn’t quite place it, but you were getting a sick feeling in your stomach. A lump was growing in your throat, and you found that your head was spinning, trying in vain to understand what had gone wrong. It seemed as if the universe had shifted somewhat, stuck somewhere that you didn’t recognize.

You couldn’t quite feel the ground beneath your feet. The world around you was struggling to materialize itself to you. You felt disconnected.

_ Why? _ Why were you feeling this way?

No matter how far you walked, you couldn’t quite figure out how to stuff your concerns away. Their persistence left you unable to think about anything else, your mind preoccupied with trying to untangle the threads of a situation you didn’t understand.

You felt some comfort with Ray by your side, holding your head. It seemed that for once, your roles were flipped. He was the one grounding you, keeping you present in a world spinning out of balance. 

You continued walking for quite some time in shared silence. All of the trees were beginning to look the same, morphing into a blur of greens and browns. Your initial relief at being outside was beginning to dwindle, replaced with an oppression similar to that at Magenta. You felt small and insignificant, lost in the middle of a world that seemed too big for you.

You were itching for something. You would have been grateful to see the secondary base at this point. 

But Ray stopped again, out of nowhere, and you came to a sudden halt as well. You looked back at him to see a crease between his brows, a pensive look settling into his face. Your earlier worries began to return, fueled by the clear discord raging in his head, and you knew that you had to do something about it.

“What’s wrong?”

Ray was quiet for a second, staring ahead at nothing in particular, then he looked back over at you.

“I forgot something,” his response was surprisingly blunt. “Back at Magenta.”

Your eyebrows raised a bit. “Oh. That’s not good. Is it important?”

Ray nodded, but he didn’t say anything.

“Well, we can run back and get it really fast, then,” you glanced back in the direction that you’d come from. The path was trodden enough that you would be able to follow it back. “I don’t think we’re under any huge time constraint, right?.

Ray shook his head.

“No,” he sounded uncharacteristically firm. “It’s too far. You’ll get tired.”

This time, it was you who paused.

In the months that you’d been here, Ray had never once allowed you to go anywhere outside of the workroom without him. He would become extremely distressed if you pushed the issue, insisting that he couldn’t let you go anywhere alone. He was terrified that you’d leave him, disappearing from his side forever. He had even been reluctant to leave you with the Savior.

So it didn’t sit right that he was telling you to go off on your own. You weren’t in the confines of Magenta anymore. You were outside, in the open, and if he left you alone, you could easily turn and run. Nobody would be able to find you in a forest as large and dense as this one.

Why would Ray leave you in a position where he didn’t have any control over you?

You didn’t want to run, but he’d never entirely believed you. Why would he now?

“No, it’s fine,” you insisted. “I’d rather go with you.”

Ray’s lips thinned out a bit at your words. You could see that something was strange- noticeably different. But there was a wall up between the two of you that had never been there before, and you were unable to see through it enough to understand what he was thinking. 

“No,” Ray repeated his previous refusal. “No. Keep going. The secondary location is safer for you.”

Your eyebrows drew closer together. “Ray, what’s going on?” You asked him. “You’ve been acting different for a while now. I’m worried about you.”

Despite his pensive look, Ray’s cheeks still managed to tint themselves into a transparent pink. 

“You’re worried?” he echoed. A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. “You’re kind to me. You always have been. You still choose to stay with me. That must be because you like me, right?”

“I do like you, Ray,” you interjected. “I like you a lot. That’s why I’d like to go with you. There’s no point in going alone. Nothing’s going to happen to me if I go.”

Ray’s eyes met yours once more. He was silent for a moment.

“I’ll call you,” he said. “When I get there. You’ve trusted me so far. Trust me for a little bit longer, okay?”

Your mind churned over his proposal, frown remaining. You still felt as if Ray was acting somewhat strange, and you were concerned because it was clear that something was going on beneath the surface that he wasn’t entrusting you with. At some point over the last few months, secrets had grown few and far between. 

This was wrong.

But Ray wasn’t budging. He seemed completely set in his decision. 

You didn’t want to let him go alone, especially when he was like this. But he seemed insistent, and something in his eyes told you that he wasn’t going to change his mind. And if he was offering to call you, then chances were it would be fine.

Maybe Ray needed time to think. Something was clearly on his mind. Maybe the walk would do him good. And you could talk to him when he got back.

Ray raised a hand to your cheek, and his thumb grazed against your downturned lips, pressed into a frown.

“It’s okay,” his words were tender. “Don’t be worried.”

And for the first time, his words felt genuine.

So after another long second of silent deliberation, you nodded. “Okay,” you relented. “Fine. But I really don’t like it.”

Ray finally offered you a bit of a smile, and you leaned into his hand slightly. It was warm against your skin.

When had you started to feel this much comfort from him?

Quietly, Ray leaned in towards you. He pressed his lips against your forehead in a small kiss, impossibly gentle. Despite yourself, you could feel your heart beginning to thrum in your chest, fluttering into motion. 

Ray pulled back away and met your eyes, still smiling. “Go on ahead. I’ll be right back, my love.”

Ray’s grip on your hand, which had been tight this entire time, finally slackened. He let go and gave you a smile. No more words left his mouth, even as he turned and moved back down the path. He turned around a single tree, and he was out of sight before you knew it. In an instant, he had gone from holding your hand to disappearing completely.

And you didn't move. 

Though you knew that you should turn and head back the other way, something was stopping you. Your legs were rooted in place, and your lips were pressed together tightly as you deliberated. The wind blew past you as gentle gusts, tendrils curling around you in a way that would have been comfortable if your circumstances were any different. Your chest was tight, your heart thumping with anxiety, and you bit at your bottom lip, your teeth digging into the flesh. Something felt oppressive, heavy atop your shoulders, and try as you might, you couldn’t shake it. 

The longer that you stood there, unmoving, staring in the direction Ray had gone down, the worse you felt. Tension was building up inside of you as you played his words over in your head a few times more, trying to discern any more meaning from them.

Your legs itched to follow Ray down the path. He would have been far by now, but you would meet each other at some point in your journey, right?

Sure, you could talk about this when he came back. But you were so overcome with an intrusive feeling that something was wrong that you were unable to turn and walk farther away. You weren’t sure you wanted to ignore a feeling that so clearly told you that something bad was about to happen. 

The tension was rising, and you were worried it would snap. 

So after a long time of just standing still, you pulled out your phone, beginning to walk back down the path, going back the way you came. But when you got a look at your home screen, you paused. 

For a second, you thought that your eyes had to be deceiving you. 

You had access to all of your apps again. You could text and call your contacts, you could go on Maps- even the RFA’s messenger app was there. 

And that was when you knew that something was wrong. Your phone wasn’t supposed to look like this. It wasn’t supposed to be so  _ normal.  _

Ray wouldn’t make a mistake like this. This was on purpose, and the implications were beginning to make you feel sick. 

Just before you could go to the phone app and call Ray, your phone began to ring. The noise was so sudden that your heart jumped and your hands jerked, but when you saw the familiar name on your screen, you instantly picked up. Suddenly fueled by a surge of energy, you picked up the pace.

“Saeran?” Your greeting was short. “It’s you, right?”

_ “Yeah.” _

Saeran sounded deeply exhausted, like he’d been drained of all energy. You could feel your anxiety beginning to spike at his lethargy, so unlike his usual anger that it made your stomach twist. 

“What’s going on?” You asked, unable to stop the anxiety leaking into your voice. “I’m worried. Are you back at Magenta?”

_ “Doesn’t matter. I have to tell you something.” _

Your eyebrows quirked together for just a second, even though Saeran couldn’t see you. “What is it?”

There was a small pause on Saeran’s end, and in that moment your own thoughts began to run rampant, completely taking over your mind.

You had never been so sure that something bad was about to happen, and you could have cursed at yourself for waiting for so long to move. 

You waited for Saeran, gripping your phone so tight that your knuckles turned white, skin pulled taut over your bones. 

_ “I didn’t really get why Ray liked you,”  _ Saeran finally began.  _ “It bothered me that you were in my space even though I didn’t want you to be.” _

You didn’t say anything, beginning a descent down a small hill. 

_ “I’m angry at you because you’re like me. You didn’t come here because you wanted to, and your life was going to shit.” _

_ “I wanted you to turn out like me. That’s why I treated you that way. And it pissed me off that it didn’t work. Because it means that there’s no reason for me to be like this, but I am anyways.” _

You still didn’t respond. There was a small sigh from Saeran’s end.

_ “It doesn’t really matter. But for what it’s worth, I don’t hate you, even if you remind me of the things I hate.” _

You were torn between your surprise at hearing something like this and the foreboding feeling growing in the pit of your stomach. 

You knew that Saeran wouldn’t just call to say something like this. There was something more going on. 

“It’s okay,” you responded. “I don’t hate you, either. I never did. I know that none of this was your choice.”

You faltered for a second, struggling to pick the right words. You felt you were at a precipice, and that any wrong move would send you tumbling off the edge. When you finally managed to speak it was careful.

“Saeran- can we talk about this in person?”

The reply came quickly. 

_ “There’s no need. I told you what I wanted to say. Just go home. You don’t belong in a place like this.” _

It all seemed to be coming to a peak, and you found that words were tumbling out of your mouth at a rate that you no longer had any control over.

“Wait, Saeran-”

And the call was ended. The dial tone rang in your ear for a little while until you pulled the phone away and shut it back off. 

_ Go home.  _

_ Go home.  _

_ You don’t belong in a place like this.  _

They were letting you go. Both Ray and Saeran had surrendered you to the outside world again. 

It was like they had given up. And that thought sent a jolt of electric fear coursing through your body, so strong that it sent you reeling. The world around you began to fade out of your consciousness and your head spun as you broke into a run, clumsily dodging trees and bushes. 

Everything was falling apart around you. It was as if the ground was crumbling beneath your feet, disintegrating behind you with every step, and your chest was so tight that you could barely breathe. 

It was only seconds until the world snapped in two. 

Everything erupted. 

For a second, all that you knew was true ceased to exist. The noise that split the air was so loud that you shouted, throwing your hands over your ears in a useless attempt to stop it from burrowing into your head and combusting it from the inside out. Before you could stop yourself you were stumbling back, careening directly into a tree with so much force that a sharp pain shot right into your back. The world went hot, a thick typhoon of heat swirling around you until you tried to curl up into yourself. A violent hot flash had taken you over completely, and your body began to buzz as you overheated. It seemed to last for too long as you pressed yourself into the tree, dragging itself out as you struggled to hide away.

You couldn’t comprehend anything. Your head had been completely scrambled, and your mind couldn’t function anymore. 

And it all came to a stop. The noise died down but the heat remained, licking your skin, and almost immediately, you began to sweat profusely. Your hands were still pressed against your ears, and you felt the skin of your cheeks growing slick with perspiration. 

The air smelled strange. You couldn’t quite place it. You opened your eyes again, and they immediately began to sting. The world around you was completely out of focus, and nothing reached you completely. It took you a little while to begin to register stimuli again. 

And when you did, it came back unbearably slow. 

The first thing you registered was your lungs.

They were full, you thought. Breathing was harder than you’d ever remembered it being. You could taste something horribly sweet, yet disgustingly bitter in your mouth, coating your tongue and your throat. Your eyes burned, watering, and blurring your vision. You could barely feel the tears dripping down your face, and you slowly peeled your hands away from your ears, fingers brushing against the skin beneath your eyes. 

You hadn’t been crying.  _ Right? _

You couldn’t quite remember. Why were there tears on your face? 

They didn’t belong. 

You pulled your fingers back. The tips were damp, but smeared with something slightly grey. Your face was dirty. 

You didn’t understand what had happened. Nothing was comprehending. The world around you was a jigsaw puzzle, but none of the pieces fit together. 

You couldn’t hear. The ringing in your ears was deafening, and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. You couldn’t catch up.

The very air felt damp. Your face was slick, and your clothes stuck to your body, gripping onto you with no intentions of letting go. You tried to swallow away the taste in your mouth but it was too dry. Your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth for a second.

How had this happened?

It was all coming to a climax, building up around you, pulling a rubber band to the precipice. It was about to snap, and you struggled to lessen the pressure. When you closed your eyes you could see the edge of the cliff you’d been at for months. You were teetering at the edge, looking down at the void that awaited you below. You couldn’t see the bottom. 

You opened your eyes again. You were terrified to fall. 

As the ringing in your ears increased, you finally looked up. You could barely see through the trees, but you instantly noticed the pillows of smoke curling up into the sky like hands reaching for the sun. It coloured the air, turning everything a mixture of red and dark grey. 

Your eyebrows drew together as you sat on the ground, still pressed against your tree. 

What were you looking at? What had happened here? 

Why was your head so empty?

You felt as if you were nearing the edge of the cliff, peeing over the edge. It was a bottomless pit, and you were barely able to remain upright. 

It was all becoming too much. You couldn’t hear, you couldn’t think, you couldn’t see past the smoke. You could feel your chest constricting even more as the lump in your throat grew. The ringing was becoming louder as images seemed to flash in your eyes, one after the other, telling you a story that you had forgotten.

The ringing grew louder.

The rubber band snapped.

_ He’s in that burning building. _

And after months of fighting, you finally fell over the edge of the cliff. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..... so anyways-
> 
> I was really confident about this up until deciding to post it! I'm not sure why but I was suddenly terrified that it was not good at all slfsdjjfs 
> 
> Sorry for the wait on this one! I was quite busy with other ventures in between these last two updates, but this one's pretty long, so hopefully that makes the wait worth it. Even though this chapter is decidedly very upsetting. I fumbled around a lot while trying to make it work, so I hope it turned out okay. I'm a bit nervous for your guys' reactions. ;;
> 
> Thanks, as always, to those of you who left Kudos or commented on the last chapter! I genuinely appreciate your support so so much. Since this fic is getting ready to wrap up, I feel like I've become a lot more emotionally attached to it than I already was. I'm grateful to those of you who continue to encourage and motivate me to write this. You've helped me to keep up with this monster of a fic. I mean- I'm not gonna write 200k words without support, you know?
> 
> Anyways- if any of you ever have anything to say, please feel free to comment! I love interacting with you all <3 You can also always find me at my tumblr (@ilupant) if you want to chat there, too! I have a lot more writing and artwork there as well.
> 
> Take care, everyone! Stay warm and healthy.


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